How to Tell if Your Gay (Guy) Friend Has a Crush on You (And You're Straight)

Updated on January 4, 2017

Sometimes it just so happens that the open-minded straight man has few gay male friends here and there, sometimes even a very close friend. On occasion, such a friend may develop the proverbial unrequited gay crush that goes completely unnoticed by the straight man. Maybe you are this straight man.

Here are some signs:

- He asks you what you like about girls.

He wants a mental list of what it is that attracts you to girls to see if a male could possibly match it, too, and if that male is him.

He might even go so far as to question some of the things (especially the physical things) you like about girls and why they have to matter that much. He might talk about how and why some particular body parts of women are disgusting and he doesn't understand why you would want anything to do with them, and how much analogous parts on a man are so much better, cleaner, etc.

He might talk about how men understand each other better. Anything you might complain about when it comes to women, he'll be quick to give a corresponding example about how men are so much better because they lack whatever flaw you were complaining about. ex. "Women just talk and talk about the most inane things." "Yeah, that's why I like guys. They're so much more to the point and don't monopolize the conversation."

- He tries to get you to material with him.

The gay kind, usually. He'll ask you if you've watched that kind of entertainment before. He'll tell you how it's similar enough to the straight kind--and what's the difference anyway, right? Same mechanics, he'll say. In fact, he wonders why you're so picky and particular about body parts because it works almost the same with a man or a woman, anyway. In fact, if you just ignore the one guy's beard and generally hairiness, it's almost the same as the straight equivalent.

Also, he wants to see how you'll react bodily to what you see. If you react at all to it in that physical, involuntary way, it'll speak volumes to him.

- He kisses other guys in front of you to gauge your reaction.

This seems weird, but he may do this just to see how you'll react.

With homophobia? With jealously? With intrigue?

If you are outwardly grossed out by it or something similar, he'll know that you're still in that "What are you five?" over-compensating, homophobic state of mind that leaves no room for any kind of male-male interaction of that kind, even just playfully.

If he can read you as being jealous (even if it's just wishful thinking on his part), then he'll think you might be conceivably into him.

And if you seem intrigued or find the interaction interesting, it might seem to him that you're a bit gay yourself.

If you don't want to send any of these signals, your best bet is to just react maturely and with neutrality, like you were watching someone doing something as normal as making a sandwich. Don't give it your attention.

The free toaster Headquarters will give him for recruiting you. Har har.
The free toaster Headquarters will give him for recruiting you. Har har.

- He makes jokes about "converting" you.

If he didn't find you attractive at least, he likely wouldn't even be joking about it. If he really wanted nothing to do with you in that sense, the last thing he would want would be to give you ideas by mentioning it.

By extension, some of his friends may make jokes about his converting you. This could indicate that he's discussed such things with them before, or that your being seduced by them has been a topic of conversation before.

- He is touchy-feely with you.

He may not do this right away, for fear that you might be the aggressive kind of straight man that will feel threatened, get inappropriately angry, and slap him away. (Of course, if that was the case, why would you be hanging out with him in the first place?)

It could be that he's just touchy-feely in general, but if he doesn't seem that way towards others, you may want to take heed.

If he's overtly making contact with you in the sense that he's grabbing at things that are normally hidden under clothes, this is probably where the line is crossed. If he's touching it over your clothes, he probably at the very least wouldn't mind doing the same underneath them.

Needless to say, everyone is different and these aren't necessarily sure-fire signs, but they usually, generally apply.

Whatever you do, of course, don't freak out. He is unlikely to persist if you turn him down clearly, and there's no need to be alarmed by his advances. At worst, be flattered--someone likes you.

Questions & Answers


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      • profile image

        JJ 8 days ago

        This is happening to me my best friend just came out to being bi sexual and he's a guy and he told me he has had a crush on me dance the beginning of the school year which kinda made me realize why he's so touchy feely with me like sometimes when we're in class he'll just randomly out his hand on my thigh escpically when I'm wearing basketball shorts and kinda moved them up ( btw im Strait)

      • profile image

        JJ Sanchez 9 months ago

        Help me this has happened to me and is still happening. What do I do! Please send help

      • profile image

        eek 9 months ago

        my lesbian friend keeps telling me she loves me but idk if its friendly or not??? like she calls me babe, baby and all that??? idk

      • profile image

        Eric 13 months ago

        Honestly, if I ever had a crush on a straight friend, I wouldn't do any of those things listed. Maybe I would hug them. That's about it.

        But then again, I am bisexual, so maybe I would have more empathy because I feel attraction towards women too.

      • profile image

        Anonymous 4 years ago

        The shy gays (like me) probably won't do this.

        Tips for shy gays

        -He teases you in a friendly manner

        -I'm not sure about this one, but he's friends with more girls than boys

        -He will attempt to be near you, but in a subtle way

        -He wants attention(?)

      • thehands profile image

        Jorge Vamos 4 years ago

        Every year or so, I come back to look at these hubs...and I must say, they give me a good chuckle.

      • profile image

        Nick 5 years ago

        This is clearly one of the most blatantly ill-advised posts ever published onto the Internet

      • hagsvilleUSA profile image

        hagsvilleUSA 5 years ago from Dallas

        i thought this was a joke. weird.

      • thehands profile image

        Jorge Vamos 5 years ago

        Can't tell you for sure, man, but it's certainly possible that he's just bisexual. Some guys don't discriminate when it comes to that kind of thing. And it would explain the girlfriends along with an interest in guys.

        Either way, gay or straight, if by "certain entertainment" you mean he's watching the kind of movies with naked people doing it while you're, yeah, that's kind of creepy.

      • profile image

        Puzzled 6 years ago

        I feel so weird. I'm a gay teenager and I have a friend, a best friend actually. I find him attractive, extremely attractive. He jacks off in front of me and encourages me to do the same. A few times he humped me and started having anal sex with me (fully clothed though.) I want these things and I respond positively but he pulls back straight away and says "Let's stop". These thing annoy me I mean you started it! I DON"T KNOW WHAT TO DO!! I want to have sex with him and I know he does too. I've tried to seduce him but it jut doesn't work! HELP ME!!

      • profile image

        Confused 0.o 6 years ago

        I have a friend. We often hang out whenever I go to his house he is all touchy feely with me when it's just me Nd him... But he has a lot of girlfriends and kisses girls... And sometimes he says that he's gay. He watches that 'certian' entertainment when I'm there.. He often "jokes" about going into his room to "play" with himself but says just kidding.. Is he gay or just being a dude???? 0.o

      • profile image

        jj 6 years ago

        as a gay guy, i'd like to think i have more self respect than that, i mean seriously, if i were to seduce my straight friends, i would never used those tatics, they just sounds so desperate.

      • Otto23 profile image

        Otto23 7 years ago from Clarkston, Michigan

        Thehands is correct. This does in fact happen.

      • thehands profile image

        Jorge Vamos 7 years ago

        ^ You're probably right if you mean it doesn't happen in your case. But in my case, there's some validity to it, obviously.

      • profile image

        gaylover 7 years ago

        i don't get this at all defintly doesn't happen so