Can You Decode Male Behavior?
Most women know that decoding male behavior in relationships is like trying to understand string theory. Since men often have communication skills that are barely beyond the capabilities of average zoo monkeys, women are left to fend for themselves. This becomes most problematic in the arena of dating, where women find men giving off signals like malfunctioning traffic lights. Thus, it becomes almost impossible to know whether a guy likes you or hates you.
Ladies, your answers are here! This article addresses some of the most common male behaviors in dating and relationships and explains them fully, so there will be no doubt left in your mind about whether your man thinks you're great, can't stand you, finds you annoying, or thinks you're the bees knees.
Male Behaviors That Says He Hates You
- You always call him. He never calls you. This is an issue that can be very complicated. If you are calling a man over and over, leaving messages, and he never calls you, then he's not interested. If he leaves a message on his answering machine specifically telling you to stop calling, he's probably not into you. However, if you are always calling a man and he returns your phone calls, then you are probably okay. That being said, you should do some testing to see if your man will call you on occasion. For instance, call and tell him that you're taking some pills that make you really sleepy and ask if he will call you in the morning to make sure you get up or else you will miss your scheduled breast-enhancement surgery. If he does not call, then he's not into you.
- He never shows you his place or takes you anywhere near where he lives. If a guy is doing everything he can to avoid taking you anyplace where somebody he knows might see you, then you need to be suspicious. At some point, you will specifically need to request that he show you his place or take you to his favorite hang-out. If, at that time, he responds with something like "not in a million years, beaatch," he probably doesn't like you. And if he drives you to his parents house, you can reassess your interest. Also, if you are driving with him in certain parts of town and he asks you to duck down, you should probably be suspicious. Usually, a man doesn't like you that much if he asks you to duck down in a car that he is driving.
More Bad Male Signs
- He won't introduce you to his friends or family. This is related to #2. If you got over the hurdle of seeing his place or his favorite hang-out, but you've been dating awhile and don't know the names of any of his friends or you've been dating longer than six months and haven't met any of his family or at least heard him reference family members, you have a problem. Certainly, you should investigate the possibility that you're dating a psychopath with no family or friends, at which point you should check his freezer and his basement to make sure there aren't any severed heads lying around.
- He only hugs you with part of his body. A guy who likes you will hug you with the full force of his body. He wants you to feel everything he's got, particularly his junk. He wants you to think: "oh, man, I want this guy wrapped all around me all the time." A great hug should make you pee a little. By contrast, a guy is telling you he doesn't like you if he gives you that awful shoulder hug where only the shoulders touch. If he's making every effort not to touch you, he doesn't like you. If, as you hug him, you can feel him trying to squirm out of it, you're probably in trouble. Likewise, if you go to give your man a hug and he pats you on the back, that's no good either.
It's Not Him, It's You!
- He forgets your name. This is usually a bad sign in almost any situation, but if you two have been drinking heavily and he also can't remember his own name or where he lives, then you may just be dealing with somebody with a really bad drinking problem, in which case him forgetting your name is just another thing he can't remember when he's blitzed. However, if in the course of normal daily activities, he doesn't seem to know who you are after repeated dates and/or sexual encounters, then he probably has little regard for your relationship.
- If you do meet a friend or family member, he introduces you as "this chick who won't leave me alone". It's one thing to be apprehensive about introducing you to his family and friends. It's another thing if he doesn't introduce you as his girlfriend or, at least, somebody he's been seeing regularly. If he goes out of his way to point out to anyone outside of your relationship that you're annoying to the point of stalking him, it's a pretty safe bet to assume that he doesn't like you anymore. If he does it twice, you can be absolutely sure.
- When you go to kiss him, he turns away and vomits. Don't be reluctant to write this one off if you both like to drink heavily to the point of unconsciousness. A lot of stuff happens when you're blitzed out of your mind that can be excused - eating your own feces, losing one of your friend's children, walking naked down the middle of the highway - so vomiting after a kiss is hardly something to worry about. And really, you can probably explain away a guy vomiting after a glass of wine or something because you can have a bad reaction between alcohol and food, or maybe he has an allergy. But if your man is on an empty stomach or hasn't eaten within an hour, you can rule out food poisoning and conclude that the thought of kissing you makes him sick. This means he doesn't like you.
Men Are Pigs
- When you are making love, he asks you to put a bag over your head. I realize there are lots of role-playing scenarios these days involving bags and auto-erotic asphyxiation and all, but if you are not aware that one of these games is being played, you probably should assume that he's not playing a game and just finds the sight of you repulsive. The good news is that he likes your body.
- He sleeps with your mother. This is usually a very bad sign unless your mother is just smoking hot, in which case, you might be able to explain it away as momentary weakness, particularly if you and your man aren't exclusive. Also, if he just happened to meet your mother randomly, you don't have to be as concerned about this particular issue. But if he had already met your mother and then slept with her knowing that you wouldn't approve, he's probably trying to tell you something. He's also probably realized that you and your mother don't have that great a relationship either if she was willing to sleep with her daughter's boyfriend, so it's unlikely he's going to want to be in the middle of that. However, even if he was willing to endure the inevitable fall-out, he didn't sleep with her because he likes you.
- He actually says: "I don't like you." You can excuse away all these other points, but if it comes down to it and you ask him point blank "do you like me?" and he says "no" then you've got to accept that he doesn't like you. Sure, some guys are liars but you have to figure, if a guy really likes you, there's nothing in it for him telling you that he doesn't like you, unless maybe he's hoping you'll chase him, pursue him until your love becomes a nuclear explosion that detonates and washes over the entire world with your awesome love, destroying all conflict and creating instantaneous world peace. Yes, that is definitely what he wants. Nevermind.
Questions & Answers
Question: How can I make a man fall in love with me so badly that he can't forget me without having sex with him?
Answer: If the man in question likes sex and you refuse to have sex with him, he is probably going to turn to women who are willing to have sex with him. The best thing you can do is ignore him.
Question: How do I know if a boy doesn't have feelings for me?
Answer: Usually he will ignore you, not call you back, and generally not be physical.
Question: I love a guy who has been my close friend, so I told him about my feeling towards him, but he told me he is not interested. That really hurt me badly. What should I do about that? Should I keep on loving him to hope for the future, or give up?
Answer: The only way this guy is going to show if he's interested in you, or if you have any hope with him, is to cut off all contact with him. It happens all the time with both sexes that one person wants their friend to be their lover. But the reason you're a friend is because he's not attracted to you.
Question: How do I figure out if a guy hates me?
Answer: I think if you even have to ask that question you're already in a bad place. Remember, there are thousands of guys in the world. Move on to one where you never have to ask that question.
Question: How can I forget someone I used to love?
Answer: This is like asking the meaning of life. In order to answer this question, I'd have to know how long it's been. If it's been a month, then the answer is time. If the answer is ten years, then you need to see a therapist. Mostly the answer is time. It's also about getting out there and finding somebody else. You'll forget once you're in a new relationship, but if you don't let yourself do that, then you're going to focus on the thing you don't have. Also, we tend to romanticize relationships that we're no longer in. Try to stop. Let me give you an example. I went out with this woman and she broke it off without explanation. She got married to a guy she started seeing after me. I watched her Facebook page and actually liked the guy, but still pined for her. Well, ten years into their marriage, they got divorced. You know what the guy wrote? "The last six years of my life have been a living hell." Never forget that you may have actually dodged a bullet.
Question: If a man is hitting you for the simple reason that he's angry and while angry he says that I'm irritating, does he really love me?
Answer: Wow! I haven't received one of these "I'm being abused by my so-called partner" questions. So let's be clear - you need to get out of that relationship immediately. Most likely, you should be calling the cops so this guy can be arrested because somebody hitting somebody else, whether in a relationship or not, is assault. He's assaulting you. He's committing a crime. He's an abuser and is not worth your time. Get out now. Walk out the door tomorrow! There's nothing funny about this and nothing I can make a joke about. Call the police.
Question: I have a crush (1 year). I never told him that I love him but he knows. His friends smile when I pass by him. I'm too scared to tell him. He runs his hand through his hair, does that mean he loves me?
Answer: So, you basically have a crush that you're too frightened to do anything about and you're wondering if certain things mean that he loves you too. Unfortunately, there simply aren't enough data points to know, but the old saying "don't put all your eggs in one basket" really applies here. You're doing yourself a disservice making this your sole focus. What if there's a guy out there right now and you are his crush? It isn't mutual probably. You'd be kind of freaked out, wouldn't you? I would do one of two things: either tell him or just put it behind you and disengage. You're not going to get anywhere pushing this guy. You're only going to get somewhere by backing off and seeing what he does, but that means dating people. Trust me, he isn't the only one out there and frankly, you can't love somebody if you haven't spent quality time with them. That's a crush, not love. They're very different things. Go date. Go meet some other guys. See if this guy steps up. Have confidence in yourself that you can meet and be successful with other guys. That will make you more attractive overall.
Question: I have a long-time friend that I've had a crush on but my best friend likes him and now he seems to feel the same about her too. I don't know if I should tell my friend I like him too, or not. What should I do?
Answer: Well, what's more important to you, this guy or your best friend? Is your best friend interested? You realize that if you start pursuing this, whether it works out or not, your relationship with your best friend is over. First thing to do is talk to your best friend. Also, the guy may just like your best friend better. You know how this guy will notice you? Date somebody else! If you're just waiting around for him, it's unlikely he will notice. Start dating. If you start dating others, you'll get over him. There are lots of fish in the sea.
Question: How can I get him to realize that he really loves me?
Answer: You can't. You hear the phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder?" Break up with him. See what he does. You need to get away from him. See other people. See what he does.
Question: I texted a guy I like who I slept with, and he ignored my text but read it. I left it for two weeks and texted him "how are you today," and he has not responded, but again read the text. Does he like me or not?
Answer: He does not like you enough to text you back. You should move on.
Question: Why does a boy always annoy me even though he knows it bothers me?
Answer: Probably because he's immature and doesn't care. At some point, what he's doing is harassment.
Question: What if a boy looks annoyed when he stares at you?
Answer: If a boy looks annoyed when he stares at you, then he probably doesn't like what he sees.
Question: why does a man not communicate between dates?
Answer: How many dates? If you've gone out on one date and he's not communicating with you, it's because he doesn't want a second date. If you've gone out on multiple dates and things have been progressing normally, you might assume that you're not exclusive and he has other things going on. Usually, if somebody likes you, they communicate. If he's growing bored or losing interest, he's probably not communicating. If you really want to find out, stop communicating yourself and see what happens.
Question: A boy flirts with every girl and sometimes he tells me mean things but my friend catches him staring sometimes. Does this flirttious and mean boy hate me?
Answer: So you want to know if a boy hates you because your friend catches him staring, but he says mean things to you. Look, if somebody is mean to you, then they don't know how to treat people. If you want to find out: IGNORE HIM. First of all, he deserves it. If he's being mean, he's not worth your time. Stop talking to him. Simply make it clear to him that he's nasty to you and you want nothing to do with him.
Question: There is this boy at my school. I walk past him after 2nd block and when I look at him, he sometimes looks back. I've talked to one brother cause he has a twin. I can't tell which one I talked to before and the other one I've never talked to before. I know his brother has a girlfriend but I'm not sure about him should I try speaking to him?
Answer: I don't think there's any person who's older than you who thinks back on their days in school and regrets taking a chance like this. Most people regret all the chances they didn't take. So I say: "go for it". You don't have to ask him if he has a girlfriend or even approach that sort of question. You just want to get to know him better and see if he reciprocates. You can start by introducing yourself and striking up a conversation. See what he likes to do. The important thing to remember is that there's always another boy. Don't limit yourself and don't be afraid to talk to him and others. You're a lot more likely to be in a position to have choices and to put yourself out there as the kind of person who likes to talk to people. That will give more boys the courage to talk to you.
Question: My guy doesn't call me a lot but he is good to me in other ways.
Is it possible that he doesn't love me?
Answer: Normally I'm kind of harsh about stuff like this, but I wouldn't base your assessment of his love by his phone behavior. Remember, actions not words. How often are you calling him? If you're calling him a lot, he probably doesn't feel like he needs to call you. However, like everything else in a relationship, how many times one person calls another is a small power struggle. If you're the guy, you want the girl calling you more than you call her. If you're the girl, you actually also should want this because it demonstrates that he's CONFIDENT. That's a good trait.
Question: I have a crush on this guy who has recently become my best friend even though we knew each other for years. He hasn't been responding to my texts as much as he used to. Why is this?
Answer: What I'm hearing is that you crushed on this guy, but he doesn't crush on you. Now you're friends and you've taken that to mean that he's into you but he really isn't. So you're probably texting him too much and he's realizing that you are way more into him than he's into you and he's trying to pull back and get you to stop.
Question: Why does my crush laughs at me with his friends?
Answer: So you have a crush, but he laughs at you with his friends. You didn't say if you have a relationship with this person or if you're just crushing on him. If it's the latter, then when somebody makes fun of you, it means they don't respect you. Don't lose your self-respect in any relationship. He's not for you.
Question: This guy I like is going to the Army, and gives me mixed signals: I love you, maybe we will marry each other.. to have a good day ok, good night of, I am fine ok, and then I hear nothing how should I take this?
Answer: He knows he's going into the Army. You know he's going into the Army. Tell him you like him and would like to be there for him when he gets back. What's the risk? If it doesn't work out, you're not losing a whole lot.
Question: One day I realized that I like one of my friends so much. We were okay before, always talking, poking each other with some jokes, etc. But one day when he knew about what I am feeling about him, he built a distance between us, only small talk, awkwardness, but we still managed to be together going home after work. Why did he act like this even though I told him to be normal?
Answer: So you were friends with a guy and when he realized you liked him, he started acting weird. I'm really sorry to tell you this, but he's not attracted to you and knowing that you liked him in that way weirded him out. The way to confirm this is to cut off contact with him and see how he reacts. Odds are, it won't matter to him. Or, you can address it with him directly. Tell him you want to be more than friends. He may say no, but at least you'll know where you stand.
Question: I have a crush on this guy for 4 years and I told him I liked him but what else should I do?
Answer: Having a crush on somebody for four years is a long time. If you like somebody, you should tell them. Living in fear about telling somebody you like them in order to avoid rejection is the wrong approach. We will all be rejected in our lifetime. It is unavoidable. Accept that fact, embrace it, and you'll be more confident and more successful.
Question: I still have feelings for my ex and I know he doesn't love me anymore but I'm stuck. I want to get over him but I also don't want to. What should I do?
Answer: Having feelings for a person who rejected you or who you used to go out with but no longer do is as common a problem as they come. In fact, many people live their whole lives pining for "the one that got away". I'd really need to know more about this, like why he's your ex. Is he your ex because he broke up with you or you broke up with him? What were the circumstances of the break-up? The best way to get over an ex is to find somebody else. If you date frequently, you'll find somebody else and your thoughts will focus on that person. If you just stay at home pining for your ex, that's all you'll have to focus on. Trust me, there are many other guys and your ex isn't the only fish in the sea. Nobody likes to be rejected and it hurts, but you'll get over it eventually and the best way to do that is have confidence in your ability to find somebody else.
Question: Why do men fancy a girl and then refuse to have sex later?
Answer: Are you just generalizing, because most of the time this is not the case. It also sounds like you might be British. Since I'm American, there's a cultural issue here that is hard for me to address. That said, fancying a girl and then later refusing sex when the opportunity arises could mean that the man is cheating and feeling guilty. So if he's married or has another girlfriend, he's realizing he's about to go down a road he can't return from. Once a cheater, always a cheater. That's the most likely reason. Other possible reasons include your personal hygiene or an inability to perform.
© 2011 crankalicious
Smarmy2 on August 03, 2017:
I usually just get a new phone, change my name and leave town.
I’m subtle like that....
crankalicious (author) from Colorado on May 17, 2013:
Thanks for your almost compliment.
Laura Izett-Irwin from The Great Northwest on May 17, 2013:
OMG you almost have a sense of humor- geesh, you're so literal when you commented on my hub.
Abby K from Southern California on February 26, 2013:
LOL these are no brainers to me but I guess not to everyone lol so funny
aml4u on March 02, 2012:
Man can give mix signals as well as women do. Some women will keep the man on the side just in case she can't find some one better to take her out n spend money on her. Men well keep women around just to have a.friend with privileges. Either way its not good. What goes around comes around. ppl should just b themselves n stop playing mind games. Stop hurting each other. If you are not interested just b honest. Don't waste your time nor the other person. This world would be a much better place to live if everyone just stop playing mind games n be adults n act their age. Just saying.....
Steve Mitchell from Cambridgeshire on November 26, 2011:
Very funny. Not at all what I was expecting.
BackpackerGirl from Ohio on October 07, 2011:
This is pretty funny. Love the bag over the head.
Tracy B from Canada on August 22, 2011:
Thanks for the laugh!
selfdefenselesson on August 18, 2011:
Haha I like no.7
Ravi Singh from India on August 17, 2011:
This is hilarious .. thnaks for writing..
crankalicious (author) from Colorado on August 13, 2011:
Thanks so much for the compliments.
Ingenira on August 13, 2011:
hilariously funny !
clintonb from Adelaide, Australia on June 30, 2011:
Every thing sounded so typically sarcastic!
myi4u from United Kingdom on June 27, 2011:
Wow.. No.8 is so not good!
snowysilver from Midwest on June 26, 2011:
This is the first article that I've read here so far that was truly hilarious.
nterry34 from Nashville, TN on June 23, 2011:
This is so funny!
love aki on June 21, 2011:
no.1,5,6 is for real. true happens in unhealthy relationship.
SJKSJK from delray beach, florida on June 09, 2011:
I guess Iwould get the hint.
Aphrodite Venus from Orlando on June 08, 2011:
LULU SUE1987 on June 02, 2011:
No guy I would be interested in would be sleeping with my mother for sure.
myvelvetworld on May 26, 2011:
hah! Sleeping with your mother, this is insane I wouldn't want to date anyone with my mother
Lela from Somewhere near the heart of Texas on May 19, 2011:
Reverse the sexes and it's also a good way to tell if a girl doesn't like you!
Emmyboy from Nigeria on May 18, 2011:
Nice hub u got there! Seriously is No.7 for real? Methinks No.8 is really weird but i don't think No. 9 is a sure sign. U know sh¤ts can happen...