Allen is married to a woman that he loves and respects. He is most definitely interested in her.
Figuring Out If a Guy Likes You Isn't Easy
Though it can be obvious when a guy likes you, figuring men out isn't always easy. Women know this. Men and women have their differences of course. They don't often read each other well.
The signals a guy sends to a woman indicating he likes her often aren't the signals she expects—and the signals she's expecting often aren't the ones he's sending. Basically, figuring out whether a guy likes you or not requires a secret decoder ring nobody is selling.
So how can you tell if a guy likes you? In this article, I outline how to tell when a guy likes you with a few simple, easy-to-follow signs. When you are done, you'll be a walking, talking man-analyzer. You will know when a guy likes you. You'll be able to tell when he doesn't. Any confusion will be over.
You'll also get a pretty good idea of when you should turn and run the other way. Although I exaggerate some of these points, there is underlying truth to the humor. These are general rules. Just keep in mind that every man is different. What applies to one may not apply to another.
However, remember one thing. A guy can like you and then there are the times when a guy likes you too much. Women love the former. The latter is scary. Be on the lookout for exaggerations of any behaviors that may indicate when a guy likes you too much. Nobody likes a stalker.
10 Signs a Guy Likes You
Below are a few signs that a guy likes you. This can mean he is interested in pursuing a relationship. Though at first these signs can be misconstrued as proof of his interest, you have to look at the underlying meaning.
- He Sleeps With You More Than Once
- He Returns Your Calls
- His Pants Are Tight
- He Wants You to Meet His Friends
- He Doesn't Forget Your Name
- He's Nice to You
- He Likes Kissing You
- He Cleans His Place When You Come Over
- He Pees Sitting Down
- He Doesn't Sleep With Other Women
Read on to learn more about these top signs—plus 10 more!
1. He Sleeps With You More Than Once
A mistake that women often make is assuming because someone sleeps with them, they like them. But that's not how everybody works. Sure, he probably liked you for those five minutes of bliss. However, that doesn't mean he woke up still liking you. A man will sleep with just about any woman at least once.
Men are dogs that way. Some women will form an attachment after that first time. They assume that the man must like them. It's not necessarily the case. The big question after the first time is whether or not there will be a second time.
If the man comes back for more, there's an increasing chance that he actually does like you. Specifically, if there's more to the relationship than just sex. Hopefully, you enjoy things like dates, cuddles, or long, late-night phone calls too.
What it really means: If sex is the main activity of the relationship, it might be a bad sign. Does your physical relationship also include friendship, late-night talks, and romance? If so, that's a good sign he's really interested in you. However, if it's sex and only sex, then it's likely that he's just interested in one thing. He might not necessarily like you beyond that. If you're not sure, it'd be a good idea to open up a conversation about it. Remember, communication is key.
2. He Returns Your Calls
Women often make the mistake of thinking a man should call them within a certain amount of time after a first date. However, there's a wide variety of behavior that people exhibit in regard to phone calls that doesn't allow for easy analysis. So, whether a guy takes an hour (bad sign), a day (a little desperate), or a week (a little too long) to return your calls, the point is that he returns them.
Read More From Pairedlife
If you call or text a guy and get no response, then you can be pretty sure he's not interested. He doesn't like you. Just make sure you're not overdoing it on your end. Send one text or call him once. If he doesn't call you back, move on. And don't do so five minutes after you've seen him. Otherwise, he'll perceive you as clingy. Ultimately, people who like each other return each other's calls. Sometimes it's the woman waiting for the man. Sometimes it's the man waiting for the woman. Eventually, they connect. People who do not respect and like other people do not return their calls.
What it really means: If you're pining after somebody who isn't doing you the basic courtesy of returning your calls, move on. We spend way too much time making up weird excuses for why somebody hasn't called us back. The simple reason 99% of the time is that they don't like you enough. Don't waste your time with them.
3. His Pants Are Tight
What do tight pants have to do with anything you might ask? Actually, I'm stealing this concept from a line spoken by David Cross on the television show Just Shoot Me. In the episode, David Cross's character is pretending to be mentally slow.
When he comes across a particularly attractive woman, he blurts out "my pants are tight!". He doesn't understand why he has suddenly developed an erection. This single thing may not be enough to conclude that a man likes you. However, it's certainly a good indication that you're attractive to him.
What it really means: You are appealing to him. He's into you. There is nothing wrong with that, as long as he is courteous and respectful about it. This said, try not to stare at the bulge. Is it a roll of quarters or something else? It's something you may just notice—he may be shifting around funny, or you may figure it out during a hug. No matter what, it's usually a check in the plus column for you.
However, while it's a good sign, don't make too much of it. To paraphrase Eddie Murphy from 48 Hours, such things happen to most men when the wind blows.
4. He Wants You to Meet His Friends
If you've been going out with a guy long enough, he should want you to meet his friends. So, you've kissed, had sex, and who knows what else, but have never met any of his friends. You are in trouble. This is not a guy who likes you. Guys who like girls want those girls to meet their friends. He wants people to see you with him. He's proud!
A guy's friends are vitally important to his existence. Their approval means a lot. Don't try to explain away why a guy hasn't introduced you to his friends after months of dating. He doesn't like you or you embarrass him (which shouldn't be the case either).
Something is wrong. And what if he says he doesn't have any male friends? Well, that's a serious problem too. There's something wrong with a guy who doesn't have friends. Thus, you should be cautious to the point of not being anywhere near that guy.
What it really means: Does this guy make it clear that you guys are just friends? Does he do so in front of other people, or does he leave it to interpretation? If this guy is serious about you, he should want you to be a part of his life. Of course, that should includee meeting his friends.
5. He Doesn't Forget Your Name
This is something that usually occurs early in a relationship. However, it's really something to pay attention to at any time. You see it in the movies a lot. Two people meet. They have a great time. Then, they wake up the next morning.
Because the guy drinks too much, he can't remember the woman's name. A guy who likes you will not forget your name - ever. If he forgets your name, it's possible that he's an alcoholic. Or he's making up an excuse to make you mad.
A guy who forgets your name may also be a player who's going out with too many women. He can't keep track. No matter the reason, consider forgetting his name and moving on. Look for somebody who's going to give you the respect you deserve. And remember your name.
What it really means: Lots of people are good with names. Just because he remembers your name, it doesn't mean he likes you. And if he repeatedly forgets your name? Don't even bother with him.
6. He's Nice to You
Hey, here's a novel idea: if a guy likes you, he's nice to you. This means he doesn't berate you verbally and he certainly never lays a hand on you in anger. Amazingly, this is something many women spend a lot of time rationalizing.
They explain away verbal and physical abuse because the guy is so nice 80% of the time. Well, you know what? 80% isn't enough. A guy who likes you won't hurt you. A guy who's decent and worth being with doesn't participate in verbal abuse. He'll never strike you in anger. One time is too many. If he does any of these things, he doesn't like you. And if he ever hits you, call the police.
What it really means: There are plenty of nice men out there that will always be nice to you—that doesn't necessarily mean they all like you. He might just be one of those people who's nice to everyone, which is how we all should be. However, if he goes out of his way to see you or you really feel a connection with him, it's a good sign. In any case, it doesn't hurt to ask!
7. He Kisses You Multiple Times (He Likes Kissing You)
Seriously, ladies, if a guy likes you, he wants to kiss you.
I'm not talking about early on in the dating process. If a guy hasn't kissed you yet, that may have nothing to do with whether he likes you or not. He may simply be nervous and doesn't want to put himself out there. Incidentally, this is another problem entirely. Don't worry, his attractiveness will wear off soon enough. This refers to a guy who's already kissed you and seems to be avoiding it suddenly.
But that doesn't mean he wants to avoid it. In fact, he probably also wants to tongue kiss you too. However, if he's dodging that kiss or pulling away, worry. If he's outright barfing after making contact with your lips, he probably doesn't like you.
What it really means: Some men don't like kissing. This could be because they find it strange, or because they'd rather be doing something else (like having sex). In any case, make sure that there is consent on all sides. Be sure you can both communicate your wants and needs to each other. Even if you like kissing and he doesn't, he'll want to do it anyway if he really likes you.
8. He Cleans His Place When You Come Over
Some guys are neat freaks, but most are pigs. And even those who aren't pigs probably live at a level of cleanliness far below what you might consider acceptable. Thus, if your arrival at a guy's place actually gets him to clean it, you know he wants to make a good impression.
So how can you tell if he has just cleaned? Look for clues. First, a cleaning service person exiting his house just as you arrive. Second, track marks from the vacuum on the carpet. Third, the smell of deodorizer or Lysol in the air. Fourth, pooling water on tile from where he mopped. Fifth, piles of trash outside his house or next to the dumpster. Finally, and a dog that looks frightened, as if to say, "Who is this guy?"
What it really means: He cares about what you think! That's not a bad thing—it's good that he's considerate of your cleanliness preferences, if you have any.
9. He Pees Sitting Down
I'm just going to go ahead and admit that my wife has trained me to pee sitting down. I love my wife. Do I feel like I've compromised my manhood? A little bit. However, I pee sitting down out of respect for my wife's appreciation of cleanliness.
Rarely, the fear of having to clean our own bathrooms is the reason, but usually it's because we like you.
What it really means: He's being considerate and doesn't want you to see his nasty spray. He cares about what you think.
10. He Doesn't Sleep With Other Women
As silly as this sounds, there are a lot of women on the planet who rationalize away any behavior. That includes when their man sleeps with another woman.
Even if he drank to the point of blood-alcohol poisoning, there's just no rationalization that works. Nevertheless, there are people who forgive such things. That said, beware a guy goes out of his way to sleep with somebody to hurt you. Like when he sleeps with your best friend or your mother, you can be pretty sure he doesn't like you.
What it really means: Avoiding such temptations and not sleeping with other women is good. It's respectful. It's decent. Normal human beings behave that way. He's sending a clear signal that he does like you. Remember, men who like you, don't hurt you.
Other Signs a Guy Likes You
Humans can be complicated creatures. It can be next to impossible to know what someone is feeling about you. What may be a sign of attraction from one guy might just be a normal interaction from another. Usually, it takes a couple of the above things to point towards genuine admiration and affection. The list above was pretty specific. So here are a few more general signs that a guy likes you romantically:
11. He tries to look cool in front of you.
Do you notice that he's always trying to crack jokes when you're around? Especially when you're hanging out in a larger group? He's probably doing this to make sure he stands out from the crowd.
12. He tries to meet your eye in group conversations.
Is he constantly trying to meet your eye? Whether he's talking or not, it's a good sign that he's interested in you.
13. He says nice things about you when you're not there.
Obviously you won't know that he's saying nice things about you. However, maybe a mutual friend can let you in on what he's saying when you're not around.
14. He shares your interests and talks about them.
Is he trying to talk to you about your rock collection when you know he's never picked up a rock in his life? Does it sound he's trying to remember what he read about them on Wikipedia last night? If he's remembering facts about things you're interested in, it sounds like he's trying to build up a good rapport with you.
15. He sticks up for you in group conversations.
This could mean defending your unpopular opinion or asking you to share your insight on what the group is talking about.
16. He looks for your approval and validation.
This is akin to a child showing their friends a new trick they just learned. Except he's not a child—he's a man.
17. He mirrors your body language.
Man or woman, subconsciously mirroring body language is a sign of attraction. If he's doing it on purpose, that just might be a bit creepy.
18. He looks at you when you're not paying attention.
Kind of like the previous point, this should be in moderation. Flirty glances and subtle staring can be a sign of attraction. If he's always looking at you, whether you're paying attention or not, that's just weird.
19. He does small favors and gives you gifts.
As we discussed earlier, some people are just nice and like to do small favors for their friends. But if he's an asshole to everyone else and only does nice things to you, he probably likes you.
20. He tells you so!
What are you doing reading this article? Go over and tell him how you feel!
If You're Still Confused, Just Ask!
Maybe he introduced you to his friends and always makes sure to return your calls. Still, you're wondering if he likes you. After all, he might just be extremely sociable and behaves like that with everyone. How can you know for sure?
The answer is simple—just ask! No matter how many signs you interpret from this guy, the only way to know for sure is to approach him and ask. You win either way. If he says yes, then great! You two can work out what to do from there. If he says no, then at least you'll have your answer. Then you can focus your attention on moving on to someone who does fancy you.
Other Articles That Might Help You Out
- How to Tell When a Guy Likes You Too Much: Important Signs That He Is Desperate
Ever had a guy cross that line between liking you and licking you? Gross, right? Well, learn all the signs that indicate if a guy might like you too much and is as desperate as a squirrel in the middle of a ten-lane highway.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Questions & Answers
Question: A guy I'm seeing has yet to initiate any physical contact even after our fourth date. He has not introduced me to any of his friends. He usually takes hours to reply to my messages. He said he wants to take it slow. Is he just not that into me?
Answer: It's hard to tell, but he's probably not into you, but clearly, you are into him, so you need to stop being the one pushing everything. If he's not responding to your messages, stop sending messages. Guys don't usually say they want to take it slow. My guess is he's not sure about you, or he has other women he's dating, and he's trying to figure out which one he likes best or wants to keep his options open. You need to keep your options open too.
Question: What does it mean when a guy says he loves me after only knowing me for one month, and then takes forever to respond to texts?
Answer: It means he was trying to get you in bed and now that he's slept with you, he's moving on. Or, if you didn't sleep with him, he's bored and is moving on.
Question: What does it means when a guy winks at me but not at the end of a joke but just at the end of a normal thing?
Answer: It means he's got something in his eye.
Question: We both drank that night, but he touched me suddenly when I was asleep. I pretended to be asleep. I know what he's doing was like a genuine touch and that guy is my ultimate crush. How can I know if that guy likes me or if he just wants me that night?
Answer: So you both drank and he touched you when you were asleep and you want to know if he likes you. First of all, in some circles when a guy touches you while you're asleep, that's known as assault. It's a little creepy. It's also a little weak. This guy not only cannot make a move when he's not drunk, but he also can't make a move when you're conscious. Sounds to me like you're going to have to take control of this thing and find out whether he likes you or not by asking him out or just being direct. That said, a guy likes you when he's willing to make a move when he's not drunk and you're both awake.
Question: I’m seeing this guy and we mess around I lost my v card to him. He held me for 4 hours while I drunk cried about my dad and my problems. He likes to cuddle with me. I’m the only girl he’s messing with. We only had sex 1 time but he said he can’t wait till we do again. I’m so confused idk if he likes me or not. Does he?
Answer: So, you lost your virginity to this guy. He cuddles with you. He listens to your problems. He tells you he can't wait until you have sex again. Why in the world are you confused about whether he likes you or not? It seems pretty conclusive that he likes you. Unless there's something you're not telling me here. It doesn't seem like the issue is with him, but with you. Ask yourself honestly why you're having doubts. I think I'd need to know more about your problems and your dad. Is this a self-esteem thing for you or is it something else?
Question: This guy has been sleeping in my bed. We cuddle and talk all day every day. He stays at my house every night and so does his dog. He gives me little kisses on my cheek and head but we haven't done anything more. I really like this guy. How to approach that conversation?
Answer: To me, that sounds like the guy enjoys this situation with you, but if he's not making a move, that signals to me that he's sleeping with another girl. Your best bet is to date another guy, tell this guy he can't sleep in your bed anymore, and wait for his next move. Right now he's just playing a little game with you, and you need him to make a decision. Even if you have to lie and say you're dating somebody else, I'd do it to find out where he stands. (it's just a white lie. You can say you're dating or going to date and don't want to feel weird about it or have to be untruthful with any potential dates.)
Question: What if you have been with a guy for 5 months and he's been showing all the signs that he likes you, but he has not introduced you to his friends? Does that mean he might not like you?
Answer: So you've been with a guy for 5 months and he hasn't introduced you to his friends. You know, guys like to compartmentalize, but I think at this point, it's a little strange. Maybe he's embarrassed by you. I don't know. You might just have to ask. Have you introduced him to your friends? If something doesn't seem right, then communicate with him. Tell him you'd like to meet his friends and see what he does.
Question: A guy kissed me on the lips since then we've never talked about it but he flirts with me whenever he sees me but I'm confused if he likes me cause he hasn't asked me out yet so what does that mean?
Answer: Did you like that he kissed you? I think if this guy made this move, he's at least got some game, which is a good thing. It means he's not afraid. If he felt positively about it, seems like he should be asking you out. Usually, the asking out happens first and the kissing happens second, so perhaps this guy wants to skip the effort part of dating or the expense part. At this point, maybe you should just ask him.
Question: I really like this guy and we just spent a night together just cuddling though he wanted more. Is this guy I cuddled with gonna call me back?
Answer: You spent the night cuddling with a guy and now you want to know if he's going to call you back. And you're saying he wanted to go all the way, but you didn't. This is a fairly common scenario. Girl wants to cuddle. Guy wants sex. Girl holds out. Well, it really depends on what else he's got going on. If he's seeing other women who are easier than you, he might not call back. The key for him is to wait to call you back and make you anticipate it. The key for you is to be nonchalant, as though you don't care. You can't let him think you want him to call you back. The real question is this: are you going to have sex with him? If so, why didn't you that night?
Question: We have known each other for 6 years and have been in a relationship for 3 and a half years. He is a very simple person and this is his first relationship with me. I find him very unromantic. He never took me to movies, dinner or any dates because he was jobless. Instead, I paid for everything. I always supported him to make a better career but somehow it ends up bad. Now he is afraid to lose me. I feel upset that still he is jobless and I want to see him succeed. What do you think?
Answer: You're going out with a guy, paying all his bills, supporting him in almost every way. He's not romantic. Now he says he's afraid to lose you. I think you're answering your own question about what to do. To put it mildly, somebody who is unemployed, not romantic, and lets his girlfriend support him is what we call: unsuccessful. Of course, he doesn't want to lose you. This is a toxic, dead-end relationship that you should get out of as soon as possible. Have confidence and believe that you deserve better than this. Ask yourself what in the world is keeping you in this relationship. There's no reason for you to be in this relationship. Move on as soon as possible and if this guy threatens you or says he's going to do something to himself or does anything that tries to control you in any way, get as far away as possible.
Question: How do I get a girl to fall In love with me, just after our first date?
Answer: Desperation is your enemy. This is the question of a desperate person. I suspect adopting the right behaviors is going to be hard for you. You don't make somebody fall in love with you. However, your odds go way down by even trying. Be a challenge. Be confident. Do things that express confidence and love will follow.
Question: I had a friend come over and we hung out. During our hang out session, I gave him oral for the first time. Before this, he used to call me by a nickname that he gave me and now, he has been calling me by my first name. Is that a good sign or a bad sign?
I'm wanting to see if it could turn out to be more than just casual hang out sessions with him.
Answer: Here's my question: what did he give you? Did he return the favor? On a very basic level, you have been very generous with him. Has he been generous with you? Or is he returning your generosity with selfishness? You want to make sure you hold yourself to a high standard here. You should get as good as you give and if a partner isn't willing for the relationship to be equitable then you are setting yourself up for disappointment. If you want to see if things could be more than casual, then you need to let him make the next move. Is he willing to step up or is he going to step back?
Question: My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for nearly 3 years now, but when we kiss, it always seems like I'm the one kissing him and touching him. Is he just embarrassed or is his lack of enthusiasm while kissing a sign that there is something wrong in our relationship?
Answer: I'm really sorry to say that this is a terrible sign. Honestly, it's pretty common with men, but it could be a sign of a bigger problem. I assume that when you first met, it was mutual attraction, but now you're the one doing all the physical stuff? If he doesn't have that fire for you that he used to have and you want that fire, it might be time to take a break. I think I would suggest taking a break, although you need to be ready for the possibility that he finds somebody else. It's only been three years and this problem will just get worse. Remember, it's okay to move on. There are lots of fish in the sea.
Question: How do I know if a guy I like is not over his ex yet?
Answer: You will know if he talks about his ex all the time. A guy who talks about his ex all the time doesn't know how to behave because it's rude to talk about your ex with another woman.
Question: what if a guy takes something from you and does not return it?
Answer: That's called stealing. It means he's a thief.
Question: If the guy says "lol" way too many times in his texts, what does that mean?
Answer: He's nervous and not very good at making conversation.
Question: My friend and I have had a "friends-with-benefits" arrangement but I feel like I want a more deep and emotional connection. How should I tell him? What if he doesn't feel the same?
Answer: What you are offering to this guy is the perfect guy scenario. Guys love this. Guys dream about the friends with benefits scenario. There's no guy in his right mind who would push that situation away. You are now saying that you aren't satisfied anymore, so you need to change the situation and see what happens, understanding that you may be risking its end. Be comfortable with moving on. Move on. And see how he responds. Say something like: "I think I want more from this relationship, but I completely understand that you like how it's working and I understand. But I'm moving on and am going to try to find something more fulfilling." Be mature. But be firm. He'll commit or he won't. Don't push him, but see what he does and be ready to act on it.
Question: I met this guy online a year ago. We weren't really strangers because we have some mutual friends from his school. Two weeks ago, I met him for the first time. He rarely texts like he used to, and he no longer flirts at all, yet he's always online and views all my WhatsApp statuses. At times, he goes offline as soon as he sees me online. But he did post plenty of his pictures after our first meeting which he rarely did before. Do I have a chance with this guy?
Answer: What you need to do is ignore him. You might have a chance, but it doesn't sound like he's that interested. Guys become more interested in girls who have things to do and places to be and aren't desperate. You don't want to seem desperate, so look for other guys and other things to do. If he sees you doing well, he might be more interested. Wondering about him does you no good.
Question: I have a guy friend that I really like, but the way he interacts with me I feel like he likes me back but it’s really hard to tell. What should I do?
Answer: The easiest way to find out if your guy friend really likes you is to give him space. Hang out with other guys but not him. If he really likes you, he will notice and make more time for you. If he doesn’t notice, he probably isn’t interested.
Question: How do you know if he really likes you?
Answer: It depends on the guy, but if he calls you more often than you would like, or wants to go out more often than you would like, those are good signs. However, if he doesn't call as often as you would like, that could be fine too. When you go out, does he listen? Does he touch you? Does he look at you? If he does, he probably likes you.
Question: I like a teacher of mine who is 25, but he seems to be avoiding me. What should I do?
Answer: Are you under 18? Then if your teacher sleeps with you, that's statutory rape. If you're older than 18, that's an ethical problem. Just avoid this situation.
Question: What should you do when a guy is dishonest with you, and you've tried to talk to him, but it seems to him that you are always nagging? Should I ask for a break or I should just let it be? He always claims he's right.
Answer: A person, guy or girl, who is always being dishonest with you (are you absolutely sure about this? Like 100%?), is called a liar. If one is an honest person, one should not associate with liars. You shouldn't just take a break; you should make sure this person isn't in your life.
Question: We have been friends for 10 years and we fight like couples in between and come back together. I like him and he likes me too but he never asked me to date him. I am hoping someday he sees me as more than a friend. How do I know if my male friend has feelings for me?
Answer: I am sorry to say this, but this guy does not find you physically attractive. The only way to find out if he has feelings for you or if anything is going to change is to cut off all contact with him and see what he does. Right now, he's using you as emotional support, nothing more. You're like his mom.
Question: My neighbor is having a long-term affair with a girl. This same neighbor always tries to contact me to meet him. We chat and talk late into the night. I am confused, does he want me or does he want his mistress?
Answer: You're basically asking if your neighbor is attracted to you. There's a lot going on here, but don't ignore the obvious. You know your neighbor is having an affair. He's cheating on his spouse, correct? If so, then you are considering a relationship with an untrustworthy person who is apparently looking to have relationships wherever he can. He's got you, his wife, and his mistress. I'm sure he wants you, AND he wants his mistress, AND there are probably a few other women in the mix. If you enter into this relationship, you do so knowingly. It's unlikely to work out.
Question: I met a guy through my friend. Shortly after, we added each other on social media and started chatting every day. We would usually chat throughout the day. Yesterday, after I sent a cheesy goodnight message to him, he didn’t reply at all after that. What can I do to revitalize my conversation with my online crush?
Answer: Maybe he was asleep? I've noticed it's incredibly hard for me to respond right away on social media when I'm asleep. And then when I wake up, if somebody has sent me a goodnight message, it seems pointless to respond because now it's morning. Look, typically in this situation, your inclination is to send another message and another. Why didn't you respond? etc. Do the opposite. He didn't respond. Don't send him another message until he does. See how long that takes, but don't make too much out of it.
Question: I’ve been talking to a guy for a little over two weeks. I’ve been over to his apartment a couple of times, he’s made sure I've met and remembered some of his friends, and I ended up sleeping over last night. He still hasn’t made a single move on me. Hasn’t tried to kiss me or anything. Should I take this as a good or bad sign? We’ve exchanged some pictures recently and such as well, so I was honestly surprised I didn’t get a goodnight kiss or anything.
Answer: So you've been "seeing " a guy for about two weeks, but there's been nothing romantic. Do I have that right? And you even slept over at his place, but nothing happened. So, I'm not sure what's happening. This guy is either not attracted to you at all or is very shy and doesn't know what he's doing. If you want to know, you're just going to have to make a move and ask him: are you attracted to me? If he says yes, then ask him why he hasn't made a move. Now, that all said, the kind of guy you should want to go out with is the kind of guy who makes a move and takes a chance and isn't afraid to fail. Still, a lot of guys (assuming he's attracted to you), are like this guy, and just don't know what to do. You may have to help him along, but don't waste too much of your time.
Question: I met this guy a couple of times. We have not kissed yet, just talked and chilled. Haven’t been to each other’s houses or met each other’s friends. He talks all day over text even if his replies are slow sometimes. I’m always the one going to him to meet as he has very little time all the time. I want to know because he hasn’t kissed me yet and we have met 3 times and he hasn’t moved forward with anything. Is he taking me seriously?
Answer: I had this rule when I was dating - always kiss a girl after the third date or sooner. The reason was that you wanted to make your intentions known and not fall into the friend zone. However, not all guys practice these sorts of things. Some are faster about kissing, and some are slower. Some don't think about the timing at all. So, there are two possibilities - either he doesn't want to kiss you and just considers you a friend or he does want to kiss you and hasn't worked up the courage yet. Ultimately, the way to find out is to back off a bit. Stop texting and emailing and meeting and make him do the chasing. Will he chase or won't he? If he doesn't chase, he's not interested. If he does chase, then he'll get around to kissing you. Or you may have to kiss him.
Question: I've been seeing this guy for four dates already. We had a sweet short first kiss on the third date and a passionate make-out session on the fourth date but no sex. But, we haven't held hands in public yet! Does this guy I've been seeing want an actual relationship with me or not? Also, I've texted him if he wants to go on a fifth date and it's been three days and he hasn't texted back. Is he just playing me?
Answer: So you've been on four dates with a guy and you're wondering what to do next. It seems like you're wondering if not holding hands with a girl on the fourth date is a signal. From what I can tell, you want things to move to the relationship phase faster than the guy wants to. If you're sending off that signal, it might mean trouble. If you're applying this pressure and he feels it, he might be backing off for a reason. When you text somebody or call them and they don't respond, you should take it for what it is - they don't want to talk to you for some reason. You need to play it cool. Back off. If he comes to you, then great. If not, go on your merry way and date some other guys.
Question: I met a guy on a dating app, went on a date and ended up back at his place. I thought there was nothing more to it but afterwards he asked if I wanted to get some take out, offered for me to stay the night and couldn’t stop kissing me. However I haven’t heard from him in a few days. Was he just trying to sleep with me and would it be silly for me to text him to hang out again?
Answer: Guys are generally not that hard to figure out, so if you went out with a guy who invited you to spend the night and was kissing you (were you kissing him?), he probably would have been thrilled to sleep with you. Now, your question is really: was he just trying to sleep with me, with an emphasis on the just. I think you're answering your own question, though it really depends on how many days have gone by between the time you went on your date and him not calling you. If he doesn't follow up with you, then your answer is yes, he was just trying to sleep with you. If he follows up, then he wants to get to know you better, though his pursuit may still simply be about sleeping with you. You can know for sure by sleeping with him. If he doesn't follow up, then he just wanted to sleep with you. The way to figure this out is to see if he's willing to do something fun and to spend some time with you. If all your date is going to be is a quick bite and then back to his place, his goal is probably just a quickie.
Question: He keeps calling me “Lady." Is that a nickname or a respect thing? He’s also older than me.
Answer: I'd probably need to know more. Usually if a guy has known you for more than 10 minutes, referring to another person by a generic term is a sign of a LACK of respect. You're just some "lady" to him. He may like you, but there's a lack of respect.
Question: There’s a guy I’ve been friends with benefits with for the past year. Last month I told him I liked him more than that. After that, we went away for a weekend together and it was amazing. He still hasn’t asked me to date him. He gives me mixed signals like giving me his hoodies. What does this mean?
Answer: So, you have a friends with benefits situation and you want more? It sounds to me like the guy may like things just the way they are. Heck, what guy wouldn't? Are you sure he isn't married? Has another girlfriend on the side? What you need to do is to seek a relationship that works for you and pull back from this. See what his reaction is. Don't make any ultimatums, just tell him you're seeing other people and don't have as much time for him. This is what everyone should do. Live your life. Find something that works for you. Be strong.
Question: Me and this guy cuddle, have sex, and basically hang out everyday. He always gives me kisses when we’re alone and in my sleep. He lets me borrow his clothes and often leaves his shirt and hoodie in my room. But, I recently found out he is also having sex with another girl. What does all of this mean, does he like me? We spent almost every night together.
Answer: So you're seeing a guy and things are going great, but you've learned he's having sex with another girl and you want to know what it means. Well, what it means is that he doesn't think you and he are exclusive. Did you ever have that talk? Most guys will, given the opportunity, sleep with multiple women if the opportunity presents itself. This guy sounds like he might not be the relationship type. He might tell you something like "I've been hurt before". That's all well and good. You just have to decide what you want. Do you want a guy who is sleeping with another woman or do you want a relationship. If you want the latter, then you can make that clear in a couple of ways. The most obvious is to tell him, but this might send him running because you're telling him what to do. The best way is to accept his decision and go about your merry way, doing your thing, and not being as available as you have been. Next time he wants to come over, tell him you have plans. Do that a few times. See what he does. He'll either care or he won't and you'll know where you stand. Make it clear, you've got other guys interested in you and you're going to pursue that since he's pursuing other girls. Play his game and see how he likes it.
Question: A guy who has been my friend for some time now is requesting my phone number. Does he like me?
Answer: I guess it depends what he wants to do with it. Maybe he's just asking so he can sign you up for a bunch of phone sex calls. Or he owes somebody money and he's going to give them your number. Look, the only way to know is to discover what he does with the number. Here's the problem already. If he's a guy with confidence, he'll just ask you out. If he needs your number to ask you out, then that's lacking a bit of confidence. He can't ask you out in person? Weak. Just saying. So be cautious. He may use your number and ask you out, but make sure you're paying attention to his confidence level. If he can't grow a pair, you'll need to move on.
Question: I have a best friend that is a guy and he puts his hand on my shoulder for no reason. And he always wants to sit beside me when we get to pick our seats. He always sits beside me at lunch. Are these signs he likes me?
Answer: Most of the time, if a guy is finding a reason to put his hand on you, then he probably likes you, though I would watch him to see if he does this with other girls. If he's trying to be near you, then he probably is interested. You may need to do some digging to see if he's pursuing anyone else, but if not, then you have to find a way for him to ask you out if that's where you want this to go. Honestly, assuming he's young, guys just kind of don't know what to do, so you may just have to get him to ask by asking yourself: "Have you ever thought of asking me out?"
Question: My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for nearly three years now, but when we kiss, it always seems like I'm the one kissing him and touching him. Is he just embarrassed or is there something wrong?
Answer: In a nutshell, I would say that you are more attracted to him than he is attracted to you. He also might be losing his attraction for you. This could be a lot of things. He could be having an affair. The question is: is this a change in his behavior? Like a significant change? Is he otherwise touchy-feely with other people or is he an introvert? I don't think embarrassed is the right word.
Question: I have this guy who liked my best friend, and now when she told him that she doesn’t have any feelings, he started talking to me a lot. He keeps flirting also I have feelings for him. What does that mean?
Answer: Well, the first thing it means is that he was gaming on your friend before he went for you, so he wanted your friend first. Sounds like you're second prize. Might want to think about that. However, if you like him, then I see no reason why you can't act on it. Your best friend said she wasn't interested. If you value your friendship, then you might want to casually mention that this guy is flirting with you and make sure your friend is okay with it. Otherwise, you'll lose that friendship.
Question: I like a teacher of mine. He is twenty-five. I have a strong feeling that it's mutual, but he's always disappearing. What does this mean, and what can be done?
Answer: He's probably a magician, if he can disappear. How does the rest of the class feel about this?
First, if you're under 18, then any relationship your teacher might have with you that ended up sexual would be statutory rape in most places and would result in your teacher's loss of his career and possible jail time, so if you really like him, you'll leave him alone. If he's a decent person, he wouldn't think of engaging in this.
Question: This guy and I met two months ago and recently we've been getting to know each other to bug twice now. We've been alone, he constantly asks to kiss me and I'm not sure where we stand since he hasn't even asked me out yet. What do I do to communicate with my overly physical date?
Answer: So a guy wants to kiss you before asking you out. Just tell him you don't kiss guys who aren't willing to ask you out. It's pretty simple. He wants the nookie without the expense of a date. He's cheap.
Question: A guy from my university recently asked me out, and he has been doing all the right things. He makes me laugh and time flies when we're together, but I recently found out one of my friends likes him too, and this has begun to cause tension. When he found out, he said we should take things slow and not be too serious so that it doesn't affect my friendship. Is this a sign that he truly cares, or does it mean he doesn't want the drama?
Answer: It means he is more attracted to your friend. If I were you, I would pull back, tell him to date your friend, and that you will pursue other options, but will certainly consider going out with him if things change. This will send the message to him that you are confident and not worried and it will make you more attractive to him. Things will work out for you in the end.
Question: I’ve been seeing this guy and it’s going pretty well. We have a great connection, good conversation, awesome sex, etc. Everything is almost “perfect” with him, except for one thing: we’re not a couple because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. He told me right from the beginning that he wants to be single, and would sleep with other people too. However, we’re moving together in 2 months and he told me not to take it personally if he starts dating someone seriously. What should I do about this guy being non-committal?
Answer: So you're seeing a guy who wants to remain a free agent. Here's your dilemma: are you okay with this arrangement? If you're okay with it, then, by all means, move in with him, but don't be hurt when he starts sleeping with other women. If you're not okay with it, then you need to change the arrangement. You can't move in with him if you're not okay with it. You have to express yourself. Don't let this guy walk all over you if you're not okay with this. If you are okay, then you need to assume this guy is not your boyfriend and start seeing other people too.
Question: Me and this guy are on and off, it’s been 9 months now, we still talk and flirt. He has this thing about relationships and I don’t think he wants to make it official with me. He has had other girls he flirted with before, a lot of them in the 9 months, some in which he dated. He looks at other girls pictures all the time. But he tells me he wants me and when I hear about him and somebody else I confront him and he tells me no that’s not true, and he wants only me. What does this mean?
Answer: So basically you have a guy who's unwilling to commit to you. Look, we all have choices in the world. This guy is apparently choosing to fool around a lot and you're choosing the think his behavior is something that it's not. It doesn't matter what he's telling you. It only matters what he does. So you have to decide for yourself whether you want to put up this. Do you? If you don't, put him on the spot and stop communicating with him. Stop answering his calls. Tell him what you want. Don't criticize his behavior. Just say you want something committed and he doesn't and that's fine, but you're going to look elsewhere. And then don't talk to him. Move on.
Question: I've been crushing on my best friend for a while. He has a girlfriend and we've exchanged nudes before and stuff. I made eye contact with him but accidentally kept looking at his lips without having control over it. And then we kissed. What could that mean?
Answer: So you're crushing on your best friend who has a girlfriend and you've exchanged nudes and kissed. Well, it probably means he is attracted to you. However, here's the thing - he's got a girlfriend and you're being that chick. Know what I mean. Not cool. You know he has a girlfriend and you're flirting with him. Go find somebody who doesn't have a girlfriend. Trust me, when the shoe is on the other foot, you're not going to like it. Make yourself scarce. If he wants you, he'll break up with his girlfriend.
Question: I have noticed that when talking to me, one of my guy friends will sometimes stutter, lose his train of thought, and take a while to get to his next word. He does this all while not breaking eye contact. Honestly, it seems as though he is forgetting what he wants to say because he is staring at me. This sounds self-absorbed, but I do not know what to make of this. It only happens with me. What do you think?
Answer: Have you heard of Tourette Syndrome? I mean, seriously, this could be a problem for him that he's lived with his whole life, so be careful there. On the other hand, you characterize this dude as a "guy friend." Well, do you want him to be more? I mean, c'mon, who cares if one of your friends stumbles over his words when he talks to you? But if you suspect he wants more and you want more, then by all means, somebody needs to speak up. If you're both in high school, I don't see nervousness as a big deal. It's pretty common. If you're both 50, then this is probably something he's been dealing with his whole life, and it's not because he's nervous.
Question: I went into this as FWB thing. We kissed and other stuff but no actual sex yet? I approached him first and didn't know him but he didn't want the sex straight away? Does this mean he wants more than just sex?
Answer: This is a very peculiar situation since you're saying that you're the one who wanted the FWB thing, but aren't getting it, so you're wondering what to do. Most people who want an FWB relationship and don't get it simply move on because they don't want the entanglement of more. Have you made it clear to this guy that you're just looking for FWB? Maybe he doesn't know what the benefit is supposed to be, though most guys I know would gladly take a woman up on this. I think you just have to spell it out for him. If he's not going to provide the benefit, then you're not interested.
Question: A guy got drunk and drove to my house late last night. He called to me said he misses me, wants to hear my voice, wants to see me. He said I may not believe it if he tells that he cares about me and loves me...he told me all his problems, blamed himself and cried. He told me not to love him, he’s not a good man, he can’t protect me. Even if we get married he doesn’t have ability to manage the family. But he acted like nothing happened when sober. So what does it mean?
Answer: Holy smokes! So you're basically asking me about a guy who got drunk and gave you a laundry list of all the reasons you should stay away from him? Then when he's sober, he won't admit any of it. He's basically saying he blacked out? I do a lot of stupid stuff when I've had too much to drink, so there's clearly something to his feelings, but when you're thinking about being in a relationship with somebody, I would suggest that starting off that relationship based on his drunken behavior is a recipe for a disaster. If you want to be with this guy and he wants to be with you, I suggest you demand that he stop drinking. Anytime you're with a person who displays these kinds of erratic behavior you can expect that this is how they operate so don't be disappointed if, later on, he continues to behave this way. Is that the kind of relationship you want?
Question: I had a guy that I really like, but he does not seem to like me, he just wants to kiss me badly. I later ended up having my first kiss with him. Now I can't let go of the image. We do talk and chat. I still feel like kissing him again, but I don't want to. What should I do?
Answer: So you have this guy. You kissed him. You think about kissing him again, but you don't want to. And since this was your first kiss, I gather you are pretty young. Young people have raging hormones that make it difficult to make rational decisions, so you're right in the middle of that, to make things harder. I'm not sure why you feel like kissing him again, but you don't want to. Clearly, you're having conflicting emotions about all of this. It's not uncommon. I suggest you do what feels best and try not to have negative emotions about it. Don't beat yourself up. Okay? Feel good about your decisions! It's okay either way.
Question: How do I know if a guy is cheating on me?
Answer: If you ask him and he says he's cheating on you, that's usually a good sign. If he's not telling you, then see if he smells like somebody else. Or if you catch him lying about where he is, that could be a sign.
Question: So one of my friends, who I like very much, came over tonight for the second night in a row. We had some drinks and got pretty intoxicated, and right before he left he grabbed me by the face and made out with me. Then he left. He made kind of of flirty jokes after it, through text but what does that mean?
Answer: So you want to know what it means that your friend made out with you and what do to about it? You also said that you were both pretty intoxicated. Remember that people will behave differently when they're drunk and since drinking lowers our inhibitions, it's safe to assume that his inhibitions have been preventing him from making a move before this. The question is: why does he have those inhibitions? Is it because he's afraid or because he doesn't quite find you attractive enough or something else? That's the big question. It's just a fact that a guy will make out with a girl he doesn't find that attractive if he's had enough alcohol. Let's hope that's not the case. Let's hope it's the case that he's wanted to make a move on you but hasn't been brave enough. In that case, assuming you're not afraid of the answer, just ask him straight up. Be direct. It will make things easier. Another approach is to let him pursue you. If you're too aggressive, he's going to back away. This is the easiest way to know if he's interested. However, sometimes guys just don't have the guts and that can be a red flag also. If this guy, after making his move, simply is too scared to make a move when not drunk, then you're going to have to do a lot of the work. Ultimately, if he doesn't have enough confidence to keep going, you're going to find yourself losing attraction to him anyway. I would do this: tell him you had a good time, but don't say anything else. See what he does. If you want more making out, then you can easily get that. If you want a more complex relationship, then see if he makes a move. Does he want to go out? Go to dinner. Hang out with just you? Eventually, you may just have to tell him what you want and be ready for a negative answer. If that comes, you will need to move on.
Question: This guy says he loves me so much, and we have never met. We only know each other on Facebook. Also, he wants me to sleep with him because he said he wants to be close with me. My answer is I don't want to do it. He says that again and again. What should I do about this?
Answer: C'mon. What would you tell one of your girlfriends if she were in this situation? You'd tell her to run the other way. First thing you should do is unfriend this guy. But if you're seriously considering going through with this, see what he's willing to do. Tell him you want to be treated like a lady. You want to go to dinner (pick a nice, expensive restaurant). Since you two have never met in person, you also want to bring a friend along. Then about half way through the meal when you realize what a douchebag this guy is, arrange for somebody to pick you up, head to the bathroom, and disappear.
Question: This guy I like and I know he does like me in a way won’t do anything with me because “he is scared he will mess this up”. Last night I asked if he wanted to just sleep over because he is moving out the next day and his bed is just the mattress. He replied with “I don’t think that’s a good idea” Does his not wanting me to sleep over mean he doesn’t like me? I’m so confused
Answer: So this guy you like won't move forward with your relationship because "he is scared he will mess it up". Sounds to me like he wants to keep you on the back burner while he pursues other things. He declined sleeping over because he doesn't think it's a good idea? Clearly, you think it's a good idea. So he doesn't think it's a good idea because of something he's not telling you.
© 2011 Allen Donald