Jorge's relationship advice is based on experience and observation. He's seen many people—including himself—get seduced and hurt by love.
Is That Guy at Work Interested in You?
Most women (and men of certain tastes) find themselves crushing on male coworkers at some point, though they may not know how to tell if a guy at work likes them for sure.
Since the work environment is kind of sterile and unromantic, it's pretty obvious why confusion can arise. People like to keep things professional, so you can never be totally certain of their intentions.
Is he flirting with you, or just being friendly because he has to tolerate you all day? Is he giving you a compliment because he's interested in you, or does he genuinely think your shoes go well with your business casual slacks? Did he invite you to the party because he feels obligated, or because he wants to see you outside of work?
While there's no way to be able to tell if a guy at work likes you with 100% certainty without asking him upfront, here are some signs that you can keep an eye out for that will let you know if things are trending in that direction.
Signs That Guy at Work Is Interested in You
- He talks to you more than your other coworkers.
- He has inside jokes or unspoken understandings with you.
- He makes a lot of prolonged eye contact.
- He tries to find time alone with you.
- He makes excuses to see you outside work.
1. He talks to you more than your other coworkers.
If you don't know how to tell if a guy at work likes you, just start paying attention to the first obvious sign: does he talk to you or try to hang out with you more than other coworkers? If this is the case, then you may just have a fun workplace friendship, but it's also possible that it could be more.
At the very least, if he likes you, he'll be paying a bit more attention to you. Sometimes the difference between the time he spends with you and the time he spends with others will be stark, and other times it will be more subtle. Usually this is subconscious; his brain will try to come up with reasons to come over to talk to you, even if they're fairly silly. Just play along and see where it goes.
2. He has inside jokes or unspoken understandings with you.
This is another sign of friendship, but, again, it's also a sign of the foundation for a closer relationship. If he's already making inside jokes with you or sharing secrets, then this means he's let you into his inner circle. Unless he's an open book to everyone, this means he anticipates that you'll have a deeper relationship than just a working one.
If you have the kind of connection where there is unspoken understanding--for example, he can just make a face to you across the room and you know what he's thinking--then there's almost certainly something there between you.
3. He makes a lot of prolonged eye contact.
Eye contact is really important when it comes to human connections, as you've probably already noticed. Usually, coworkers don't spend a lot of time gazing at each other. They have better things to do than have a staring contest when there are reports to write, meetings to go to, or maybe even burgers to flip (depending on what kind of job you have).
Prolonged or frequent eye contact is very personal and it's a sign of intimacy. Most people avoid staring too much unless they are interested in you, in which case they may look a little too hard or a little too long, usually without even realizing it.
It's possible that this guy could just be the office weirdo who stares lovingly into everyone's eyes, so make sure to observe how he acts with others for a baseline. Basically, if he acts differently with you than with other people in any regard, that could potentially be a sign.
4. He tries to find time alone with you.
Work is usually filled with lots of people and distractions. It's hard to dive deep into some kind of closer relationship with someone if you don't have the privacy to get a little personal.
If he really wants to get to know you, he'll try to catch you alone to make a "moment" happen. Maybe he tends to eat lunch with you and suggests a place where other coworkers don't tend to eat. Maybe he asks you over to his work area frequently to discuss things away from everyone else.
Have you noticed him running into you a lot when you're wandering the hallways alone? He might be looking for a chance to get closer.
5. He makes excuses to see you outside work.
Finally, if he's really into you in a more than professional sense, he'll probably try to find a way to see you outside of work at some point. He probably knows better than to try to ask someone out on the job, so seeing you away from work would be key to his grand scheme if he's trying to get with you.
A lot of people don't really like hanging out with their coworkers too much, since those after-office meetings are kind of like an extension of work itself and they would rather be home. If the guy you're looking at seems to be this type, it speaks volumes if he suddenly wants to see you outside of work.
At first, he might come up with some reason that has to do with work itself. For example, he might say that he wants to discuss a project you're both working on, but that he only has time after work. He might invite you for dinner or coffee when it's time to punch out.
He may also ask if you want to go to a coworker's birthday party or to meet him at some event that you're both interested in. Maybe all of your coworkers are going out for drinks after work and he asks if you want to come along, even though you normally don't.
The point is that if he keeps bringing up reasons to see him outside of work, don't blow him off! Even if he's inviting you along with a whole group of people, this is a chance to get to know each other outside of the work environment. You'll be able to see past each other's "masks of professionalism" and have a personal conversation. That's the first step, after all.
How to Tell If a Guy at Work Likes You: The Ultimate Way
Of course, the only sure-fire, foolproof, nearly definite way to know if a guy at work is interested in you is to ask him. But who wants to do that, right? It requires so much vulnerability! Not to mention, it can get awkward afterwards if you come right out with it in the middle of your job environment. You still have to work with him afterwards.
If you really like a guy at work, but don't want to confess your love just yet and aren't sure if any of the above signs apply to you, then you can just take the lead and apply them yourself. Try to get the guy alone and try to see him outside of work. If you can transition the conversation to deeper topics, then that might be a sign that he's open to something more. It's worth a shot!
© 2018 Jorge Vamos
dashingscorpio from Chicago on January 02, 2018:
Jim makes a valid point.
Anyone who flirts with, makes prolonged eye contact, seeks time to be alone with someone, or god forbid uses sexual innuendo in a flirtatious way with someone they learn isn't attract to them is likely to have a date with HR for sexual harassment or fired.
Essentially if a woman is "into a guy" he can say just about anything and it's funny/cute or turns her on. However another guy could say/do the same exact thing and it's harassment. It's too subjective!
The sad thing is the only way to find out if there is mutual interest is for someone to take a chance. Rejection = harassment now.
Men are better off (waiting for women to approach them) in the workplace. Odds are if a man is not attracted to a woman who flirts with him/uses sexual innuendo he's not going to report it.
Jim on January 02, 2018:
Any guy that dates in the Work place nowadays is out of his mind. Just deal with women professionally, no reason to risk a fickle woman saying you harassed her.
Traci L Golden from Texas on January 01, 2018:
This is a really great article! I think part of the fun when you like someone is the suspense early on, but if someone really likes you, that won't go on for too long.