How to Tell If Your Date Is Introverted or Just Not Interested

Updated on October 30, 2016
Room of My Own profile image

Sadie Holloway is a workshop facilitator who teaches interpersonal communication skills to help people strengthen their relationships.

Can a romantic relationship work if one of you is an introvert? Learn more about what it means to be an introvert.

Introverts have a lot to offer in a relationship.

if your date prefers to spend time with you one on one, rather than in a big noisy group, that could be a sign that he is introverted, and interested in you!
if your date prefers to spend time with you one on one, rather than in a big noisy group, that could be a sign that he is introverted, and interested in you!

Would you describe yourself as an introvert?

See results

Here are some famous and highly successful people who are considered introverts:

  • Mahatma Gandhi
  • Audrey Hepburn
  • Eleanor Roosevelt
  • David Letterman
  • Warren Buffett
  • J.K. Rowling
  • Bill Gates
  • Rosa Parks
  • Albert Einstein
  • Abraham Lincoln

Introverted people can be creative (Rowling), glamorous (Hepburn), assertive (Parks), bright (Einstein), funny (Letterman) and extremely rich (Warren Buffett). Who wouldn't want to date an introvert?

Source: Huffington Post

If you’re asking, “Is he just shy and introverted or is he really not interested in me?” learning more about introverted and extroverted personality traits may give you some insight into where your new relationship is going.

The more you know about different personality types, the easier it will be for you to connect with others, make friends, and invite meaningful relationships into your life. Understanding what is going on for someone who is introverted will make you more empathetic and less worried about how you think they are reacting to you.

Could your new romantic partner simply have an introverted personality? According to The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World by Marti Olsen Laney, introverted people often:

  • Like to have long, uninterrupted blocks of time to tackle projects and solve problems
  • Like to think things through before speaking or answering questions
  • Tend to listen more than they talk
  • Are often judged by others as being shy, aloof or unsocial
  • Prefer sharing special occasions with one or two close friends, rather than throwing a large celebration
  • Often notice small details that others may not pay attention to
  • Tend to form lasting relationships.
  • Aren’t likely to interrupt others when they are speaking
  • Avoid situations and environments that overload the senses
  • Are highly creative and/or imaginative
  • Tend to hold back a bit, observing an activity for awhile first before joining in.

Do any of the above introverted personality traits describe the person you are dating right now? For example, it could be easy to misinterpret your date’s need to think things through before speaking as a sign that he isn’t interested in what you are saying. If you believe that not having fast-paced, chatty conversations with your date means that the two of you lack chemistry, you could be passing up a great opportunity to connect with someone who is simply more introspective.

Have your friends made negative comments about your date’s social skills and told you he seems aloof? While it’s sometimes helpful to get your friends’ perspectives on someone new in your life, they may mistake his introverted personality for disinterest. Also, if your boyfriend or girlfriend tends to choose low-key events and activities for date night, don’t assume that he or she doesn’t want to introduce you to his friends yet. You may only get to meet his friends over the period of a few small social gatherings rather than at one large party.

But maybe he isn't the one who is introverted. Perhaps you are the introverted one. If it turns out that you're the one who's shy, then perhaps the feeling that your date isn’t interested in you is a reflection of his response to your quiet personality. If you're worried that your introverted personality could push someone you like away, you could try being open and honest about the fact that you're introverted. You don't need to change who you are to suit someone else's needs. Instead, embrace and celebrate the fact that you are introverted!

if your date is an introvert, a noisy bar is not the best place to suggest for a get-together.
if your date is an introvert, a noisy bar is not the best place to suggest for a get-together.

Whether you are the introverted one, or he is the introverted one, being able to accept that you both have your own unique social and communication skills can improve your chances of connecting on a deeper level. If you are curious about whether it is possible for people with introverted and extroverted personalities to form long-lasting romantic relationships, read Marti Olsen Laney’s book The Introvert and Extrovert in Love: Making It Work When Opposites Attract.

Opposites attract, and I think temperament is so fundamental that you end up craving someone of the opposite temperament to complete you.

— Susan Cain
Even if you are extroverted and your date is introverted, that doesn't mean you aren't compatible. You can still have a long, strong relationship with your opposite, if you are willing to work at it.
Even if you are extroverted and your date is introverted, that doesn't mean you aren't compatible. You can still have a long, strong relationship with your opposite, if you are willing to work at it.

References:

Marti Olsen Laney, The Introvert & Extrovert in Love: Making It Work When Opposites Attract.

Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

© 2013 Sadie Holloway

Comments

Submit a Comment

No comments yet.

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, pairedlife.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://pairedlife.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)