Dixie shares her experience and expertise in all things dating.
Online Dating Has Revitalized Romance
Online romance has really revitalized the art of romantic written notions and expression. Our parents probably did not write as much as we do with our loved ones. Through online dating, our generation is relearning verse and thought about love and care.
Between texting, emails, online chatting, camera chatting and sometimes talking on the phone, internet romances allow a lot of information to be communicated in a very brief period of time.
In the days of generations past, when there were no electronics, a courtship was welcomed by the whole family as entertainment because it meant that a guest was coming to the house. That meant social interaction for everyone, and a fun day or evening.
We no longer live in that time, but the elements of courtship are being brought back. Couples now convey their feelings in the written word, and that is wonderful for people dating. No longer can someone simply get away with simple feelings, but there is a chance to explore their feelings and the feelings of their romantic other.
Learning About Your Partner
When you are first in a romance, it is normal to learn things about your partner in order to determine if you are a good match. Here are some things that are important to learn, especially if you are wanting a relationship and not a fling:
- Marital status
- Family life
- Prior children
- Willingness to relocate if you are both not local
- What they want out of a relationship
It does not do anyone any good to attempt a relationship with someone online if they do not share some key traits. I once met a man who was obsessed with cats. How obsessed? He had photos of his home on his online profile. Every room in his home was decorated with a cat motif, every place there was open space in his car had cat stickers and he had cat tattoos.
I, being allergic to cats, cut the romantic chances cold when I learned of this. I also told him he should mention his dear love of cats on his profile for people like me. He took my advice and is now happily married to a woman who is a breeder of Himalayan cats. A purr-fect match!
Getting to Know One Another Should Take a Bit of Time
While online dating, I have met men who have told me within an hour of exchanging emails that they "love" me. Some have even begun to speak of marriage. How could I marry someone that I do not know if it is not an arranged marriage? It may work out, or it may not. It is a caution to you to learn as much as you can about your new interest.
Don't reveal too much of your personal information such as your last name to new people that you are meeting online until you feel comfortable. I have written an article about being safe online and dating, take a look at it for some very good tips on safety.
Speaking via texts and emails can seem a bit awkward at first, but I like to answer my questions carefully and with much thought. I don't like to feel rushed.
Ask questions as they come up. I kept a notebook by the side of the computer that I would write good questions in. I liked being able to come up with things to ask people when we are getting to know one another. Some of the most thought-provoking questions are those that I have been asked by others. I have them in that notebook and it is a great tool.
At first, getting to know someone online can be nerve-wracking, but you are basically having a date each time you speak for a long time with one another.
Read More From Pairedlife
From Learning to Liking to Loving: Online Romance Progression
When I was with a friend, her mobile phone rang and she grabbed it immediately. "It's Terry!"
She gushed on about her new man for a few minutes after they talked, and said how he was the one, but she did not know how to tell him. "He makes me look forward to every day because I know he will be a part of it."
"You should tell him that he makes you look forward to every day," I said.
"I know. I don't know how." She replied.
"Just tell him what you just told me."
My friend shared her feelings with her new man online that evening. She went too far too fast. She said "Terry, I want to let you know that you are the one. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He stammered and stumbled about, and excused himself from the conversation. He was only looking for a fun online romance, not anything long-term. He was clear about this from the start. My friend thought that she could change his mind.
Know where you both are in terms of what you want. Don't look for a commitment from a person who is not looking for one. It is not fair to them and it is not fair to you.
Online romances should have a progression similar to this:
- Mutual interest shared in some way
- Like develops based on compatibility and interest/s
- Friendship develops from like
- Admiration develops from friendship
- Respect develops from admiration
- Love develops from respect
Sharing Your Romantic Feelings Online
If possible, you should ideally do this over a video conversation. If that is not possible, text, chat or email will work.
Make a list of things that you feel are joining you to your partner. Narrow it to three. Here is my example:
"Joel, when we were first talking, I liked you because you played the guitar for me on camera and it made me feel special. When you spend time with me online when we are both free, that makes me happy. I really like it when you write me silly poems with weird rhymes. I just want to let you know that I don't see you as just a friend. I have been noticing that I am getting romantic feelings for you."
Don't expect to hear that they feel the same immediately. If you do hear that, then hearing it is a bonus. If you don't, allow them some time to process the news to themselves. Notice that the word love is never mentioned. You don't want to confuse the message.
If Your Online Romantic Interest Does Not Like You Back
When you have shared the feelings you have, it can be very sad to learn that your online friend does not feel the same way. Ask questions. Are they seeing you at all as a romantic partner? Do they see you as only a friend?
Determining where you stand is very important. Brace yourself and know that this could be the end of your friendship. If you are looking for a romance though, this may be the best way to go so that neither of you is leaning on the other for support while dating.
Ask if there is anything that you said or did wrong.
I know, it does hurt. The truth is life will go on, and you have loads of other people to choose from.
If Your Online Romantic Interest Likes You Back
The happiest moment is when your online romance shares the feelings that you expressed. Your heart will soar, even beat a little faster. You may tear up a bit. It is a feeling like nothing else that you will experience.
This is not a time for silly jokes, but instead, this is a time to express your happiness and hope for your new place in relationship status with one another.
When a friend shared with his online romance how he felt, they both began crying. She admitted that she felt the same way, but she did not know how to express her feelings for him.
Crying is normal and natural. No matter the gender, humans cry and it is okay. Don't belittle someone for crying.
Planning the next step in your relationship is so much fun. All the very best of luck to you both!