Author Kathy Batesel writes about topics she has experienced, worked with, or researched thoroughly.
What Does It Mean When a Guy Asks You Questions?
Does he seem curious about your life, but you're not really sure how interested he is? You know you want him but aren’t sure how much he wants you. Is he interested? Is he being friendly? Does he just want you to be a convenient booty-call? How should you act around him?
Sometimes it can seem like you have more questions than answers about the new guy who has stepped into your life. Friends offer well-intended advice, but it conflicts with what other friends tell you.
Before you resort to asking your pets for guidance, learn these signals that will clue you in about his real interest level.
No matter what situation you may find yourself in, there are plenty of telltale signs that men give off that mean they are interested in you. Figuring out their level of interest is a different story, though.
Signs He Is Interested in You
While you have to always consider the context of the situation, these are some clear signs that he is interested in you. Keep in mind that if you don't know him and he is coming up to you in a public place and talking to you, that is a good indication that there is at least some interest there.
- Body Language: This is a huge indicator of attraction. If they display open body language with their feet pointed toward you, they are most likely attracted to you. Studies, such as a recent one by the National Academy of Sciences, showed that people who used expansive body language such as a stretched torso or widespread limbs were 76% more likely to be chosen for a date. So, keep an eye out for these signs he gives off through his body language as they are very telling when it comes to determining his interest in you.
- Eye Contact: Making prolonged eye contact is another sign of attraction. Whether he realizes it or not, his eye contact is an indication of his attraction, particularly if it's in combination with expansive body language.
- His Smile: While it may seem obvious, his smile is a dead giveaway that he is into you. If he smiles when talking to you, and we're talking about a deep, genuine smile, that is another strong indication he is attracted to you.
- He Pays Attention to You: When he's talking with you, he does not pull out his phone or get easily distracted. Instead, you have his full attention, and he is listening to every word you say.
- He Asks for Your Number: If he asks you for your number, he intends to contact you and set up a date, in most cases. Keep in mind that he may do this with a lot of other women as well, so try to not get your hopes up too much at first.
- He Texts You Frequently: If he has your number and he has started to text you, there are some tell-tale signs that he gives off through texting. While texts can be hard to interpret, if he does it frequently, that is a sign he is interested in you.
- He Asks You out on a Date: Another obvious one, but if he asks you out on a date, he is definitely interested in you. While it may not be a full-blown romance at first, the fact that he wants to take you on a date means he wants to see if the two of you are compatible.
How to Tell if a Guy at Work Likes You
Workplace romances happen all the time, but you have to take careful steps to make sure that he has an actual interest in you.
Prolonged eye contact, frequent smiles, and joking are all signs of attraction, but some people have personalities that include these traits instinctively. They're a great indication of initial interest, but be prepared to dig deeper.
- He Teases You: This is a clear sign that he feels comfortable around you to the point where he is willing to open up and show you his funny side.
- He Tries to Get Close to You: He may gently touch your elbow or back to steer you as you're walking, or he stands a bit closer than other people do. His body language communicates openness and warmth.
- He Goes out of His Way to Run into You in the Office: He will go out of his way to talk to you and see you, such as taking the long route from the soda machine to his workstation if it means passing by your desk.
- He Asks You About Your Love Life: If he acts interested in your past relationships, you can bet he is trying to figure out if you are single and what kind of men you prefer to date. He is doing this to see if there could be anything between the two of you.
- He Asks You to Hang out: He may casually ask you to hang out with him after work sometime. If he asks you out one-on-one, it's a sign that he feels comfortable being around you, and it is a strong indication of his interest.
Although everyone dislikes rejection, most men have learned how to brace themselves for it when it comes to asking a woman for her number or inviting her on a date.
If he's showing signs of interest but not acting on them, there's a reason. Yes, he might be shy, but he may not be as interested as you think for another reason. He may be conflicted about dating coworkers. He may be taken. He may not be over his ex. He may not like blonde hair. And he might simply be being friendly.
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Common Mixed Signals and What They Mean
Hopefully, you won't find yourself in a situation where the guy you are interested in gives you mixed signals, but you should still be prepared. Here are some common mixed signals men give off and what they mean.
- He Asked Me out, but He Never Made Any Plans: While he may have initially asked you out and seemed excited about the idea, he has clearly lost interest for whatever reason. Either he is not into you, or he is so forgetful that spending time with you is not a top priority for him, which means he is not worth your time.
- He Asked for My Number and Never Contacted Me: Much like above, this is a signal that he is not that interested in you. If you got his number, you can try reaching out and see if he responds, but typically his silence means he was not that interested to begin with, or he is flaky, both of which are bad.
- He Texted Me for a While and Then He Ghosted Me: The act of not responding to texts or calls, known as "ghosting," can mean a variety of different things. Specifically, men ghost women for a variety of different reasons, so you should be cautious with how you respond to being ghosted. Most of the time, it sadly means he is just not that interested in you.
- He Makes up Excuses for Why We Can't Hang out: If you two have hung out a couple of times, he may start making up excuses for why he can't spend time with you. These excuses can range from the reasonable to the ridiculous. Some of the time, he may have a legitimate excuse, but most of the time, it means he is not interested, and he does not want to hurt your feelings by telling you no. Instead, he hopes you will take the hint and stop trying to hang out with him.
- He Only Calls Me Late at Night or When He Is Drunk: If he is the kind of person who calls or texts you late at night or when he is drunk, that means he has some ego issues and is looking for your attention. He wants someone to pay attention to him, so he's reaching out to you. He may be confused about his emotions, and the only time he can speak truthfully to you is when he is intoxicated. This is a bad sign for any long-term relationship potential.
- He Only Wants to Hang out at My Place: This means that he does not want to get to know you on a deeper level, and he only wants a physical relationship with you. To him, you are just more of a refined booty call. If that's something you want from a relationship, then it's not such a bad arrangement.
What to Do After the First Date
If your first date went well, you will have to determine what his interest level is and whether or not he wants to be in a committed relationship with you.
Some men are interested in scoring with you, but nothing more. To determine whether he's in it for you or your physical attributes, give some thought to how much preparation he puts into your dates. If the prelude to most of your encounters is "Hey, wanna hang out tonight?" it's a clear signal that you're convenient when he has no other plans.
When a man is smitten by his lady, he'll dress nicer, plan to do things he thinks she'll enjoy, and will generally expect to pay for the date even if it means walking in the park because he's too broke to afford dinner out.
An interested man wants to do nice things for the woman who has caught his fancy. He may surprise her with a small gift that reminded him of her. He'll fix that problem with her front door. He'll call her to hear her voice because text messaging doesn't let him feel like he's really connecting. He wants you to meet his friends and family. He loves to touch you, even if it's not a prelude to sex.
Someone who is being friendly may help with things here and there and may invite you to join his friends, but he won't do all these things.
When getting to know each other, it's important to give as much as you get without overdoing it if you want to keep his interest going.
A Long-Term Relationship
After weeks or months of dating, the initial spark may fade from the relationship. Routine may feel like it’s setting in. It may feel satisfying and reassuring in some ways but unsettling in other ways.
You may have a period of anxiety or uncertainty about each other. Worse, you may start having power struggles that provoke arguments and resentments. He still talks about things you’ll do together someday, but he’s less available than he used to be.
Interest can fade when compatibility issues start to appear, and no amount of attention will fix an incompatible relationship. To determine if his interest level is waning, take a look at your disagreements. If they’re about sexual issues, finances, or if one of you feels frequently criticized, your relationship may be headed for its natural end.
It can take months or years to get there, but these are signs of incompatibility. If there are no disagreements and you’ve started going in different directions, it’s also a signal of possible incompatibility, though there may be other causes that can be fixed if you pay attention and reconnect.
At Every Stage, Laughter
Reader's Digest has been claiming "Laughter is the Best Medicine" since before most of us could read, a claim that has been bolstered by various studies over recent decades. It turns out that laughter does more than improve health, though: It may be an important indication of interest.
After all, who doesn't have "sense of humor" on their mental list of desirable traits they want in a partner?
Researcher Norman Li and his associates discovered that a shared sense of humor is a powerful indicator of interest both at the beginning stages of a relationship and in established ones, too. When someone stops laughing at your corny jokes or social faux pas, it's a strong clue that they're turning their attention elsewhere for entertainment.
Li suggests that if you want to know if someone genuinely likes you, try to make them laugh. People who enjoy your company will laugh at things that weren't that funny, while people who don't care for you will remain stoic even if your pals are gut-busting on the floor.
Questions & Answers
Question: What is the best way to ask a guy whether we are dating or not?
Answer: Probably something like, "Are we dating or doing something else?" or "What would you say is happening between us?" You can follow that one with "What would you like to see happen?" possibly.
Question: A friend told me he is interested in me and he wants to try to see if it will work out. What does that mean?
Answer: It sounds like he's saying he wants to date you.
Question: He keeps telling me he's going to make me fall in love with him. Is he interested?
Answer: I would imagine so!
Question: A man asked me how I was. I answered, "Fine."
Then he said "I am also fine, thanks for asking me!" in a joyful way. Then he asked what my plans for tomorrow are, and if someone else is going on holiday with me.
I answered him, and then asked if he has more questions. His answer was, "I have lots of questions, but you might feel uncomfortable." What do you think? Does he like me?
Answer: It sounds too early to tell if he likes you, but he does appear to want a chance to learn about you.
Question: My guy friend and I had an argument and he blurted out "You're old enough to know what you want!" What does he mean by this?
Answer: I assume it means he's frustrated with your indecision about something that he thinks shouldn't be confusing to you at all.
Question: A friend told me he wants me. What does this mean?
Answer: It probably means he wants to have sex with you, but he'll tell you that it means more. If you want to know for sure, watch whether his ACTIONS show you that he cares for you the way he'd care for his favorite friend, or if they mostly show that he thinks you are hot.
Question: I have a history with this guy. A year later we run into each other and hit it off again. Now he's backing off, again. He is guarded, as he's "gotten hurt" he says. We kissed. It was great. The next time we went out, we did not. I didn't make the move to, though. Should I have, since he did first?
Answer: Nope. You are doing just fine. He is showing you those red flags, though. The minute someone says, "I've been hurt, so I'm guarded," they're saying, "I am already looking for reasons to avoid letting you get close."
Question: A coworker whose pay grade is well above mine keeps staring at me, and I mean deep staring into my soul! These stares last several seconds, and it happens a couple to three times per week. His eyes usually light up when he sees me also. He has not talked to me. We just stare at each other and smile. This has been going on for about three months. I am taking a different job in another department, and I won't see this guy anymore. Should It offer my phone number?
Answer: If you want to! I would recommend making sure he's not married first, though.
Question: My partner and I are seventy-one-years-old. We have been flirting for three months, but he has yet to ask for my number. Is he just being nice or what?
Answer: Have you asked him? If not, go ahead and ask!
Question: I asked him if he likes another girl, he said maybe. What does this mean?
Answer: It means he isn't as into you as you'd like.
Question: A male colleague I like wants to go on vacation with me. He asked me out once, but I didn’t realize then that he was interested in me. Am I just going to be a booty call?
Answer: Not if you don't let yourself! Remember that you have a right to decide what to let into your life, what not to, and when to do either.
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