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How to Recognize If He Is Interested in You


Author Kathy Batesel writes about topics she has experienced, worked with, or researched thoroughly.

Are you having a hard time figuring out if he is into you? Read on to find out how you can tell if he is interested or not.

Are you having a hard time figuring out if he is into you? Read on to find out how you can tell if he is interested or not.

You know you want him but aren’t sure how much he wants you. Is he interested? Is he being friendly? Does he just want you to be a convenient booty-call? How should you act around him? Sometimes it can seem like you have more questions than answers about the new guy who has stepped into your life. Friends offer well-intended advice, but it conflicts with what other friends tell you.

Before you resort to asking your pets for guidance, learn these signals that will clue you in about his real interest level.

No matter what situation you may find yourself in, there are plenty of telltale signs that men give off which mean they are interested in you. Figuring out their level of interest is a different story, though.

Signs He Is Interested in You

While you have to always consider the context of the situation, these are some clear signs that he is interested in you. Keep in mind that if you don't know him and he is coming up to you in a public place and talking to you, that is a good indication that there is at least some interest there.

  • Body Language: This is a huge indicator of attraction. If they display open body language with their feet pointed toward you, they are most likely attracted to you. Studies, such as a recent one by the National Academy of Sciences, showed that people who used expansive body language such as a stretched torso or widespread limbs were 76% more likely to be chosen for a date. So, keep an eye out for these signs he gives off through his body language as they are very telling when it comes to determining his interest in you.
  • Eye Contact: Making prolonged eye contact is another sign of attraction. Whether he realizes it or not, his eye contact is an indication of his attraction, particularly if it's in combination with expansive body language.
  • His Smile: While it may seem obvious, his smile is a dead giveaway that he is into you. If he smiles when talking to you, and we're talking about a deep, genuine smile, that is another strong indication he is attracted to you.
  • He Pays Attention to You: When he's talking with you, he does not pull out his phone or get easily distracted. Instead, you have his full attention, and he is listening to every word you say.
  • He Asks for Your Number: If he asks you for your number, he intends to contact you and set up a date, in most cases. Keep in mind that he may do this with a lot of other women as well, so try to not get your hopes up too much at first.
  • He Texts You Frequently: If he has your number and he has started to text you, there are some tell-tale signs that he gives off through texting. While texts can be hard to interpret, if he does it frequently, that is a sign he is interested in you.
  • He Asks You out on a Date: Another obvious one, but if he asks you out on a date, he is definitely interested in you. While it may not be a full-blown romance at first, the fact that he wants to take you on a date means he wants to see if the two of you are compatible.

How to Tell If a Guy at Work Likes You

Workplace romances happen all the time, but you have to take careful steps to make sure that he has an actual interest in you.

Prolonged eye contact, frequent smiles, and joking are all signs of attraction, but some people have personalities that include these traits instinctively. They’re a great indication of initial interest, but be prepared to dig deeper.

  • He Teases You: This is a clear sign that he feels comfortable around you to the point where he is willing to open up and show you his funny side.
  • He Tries to Get Close to You: He may gently touch your elbow or back to steer you as you’re walking, or he stands a bit closer than other people do. His body language communicates openness and warmth.
  • He Goes out of His Way to Run into You in the Office: He will go out of his way to talk to you and see you, such as taking the long route from the soda machine to his workstation if it means passing by your desk.
  • He Asks You About Your Love Life: If he acts interested about your past relationships, you can bet he is trying to figure out if you are single and what kind of men you prefer to date. He is doing this to see if there could be anything between the two of you.
  • He Asks You to Hang out: He may casually ask you to hang out with him after work sometime. If he asks you out one-on-one, it's a sign that he feels comfortable being around you, and it is a strong indication of his interest.

Although everyone dislikes rejection, most men have learned how to brace themselves for it when it comes to asking a woman for her number or inviting her on a date.

If he’s showing signs of interest but not acting on them, there’s a reason. Yes, he might be shy, but he may not be as interested as you think for another reason. He may be conflicted about dating coworkers. He may be taken. He may not be over his ex. He may not like blonde hair. And he might simply be being friendly.

Common Mixed Signals and What They Mean

Hopefully, you won't find yourself in a situation where the guy you are interested in gives you mixed signals, but you should still be prepared. Here are some common mixed signals men give off and what they mean.

  • He Asked Me out, but He Never Made Any Plans: While he may have initially asked you out and seemed excited about the idea, he has clearly lost interest for whatever reason. Either he is not into you, or he is so forgetful that spending time with you is not a top priority for him, which means he is not worth your time.
  • He Asked for My Number and Never Contacted Me: Much like above, this is a signal that he is not that interested in you. If you got his number, you can try reaching out and see if he responds, but typically his silence means he was not that interested to begin with, or he is flaky, both of which are bad.
  • He Texted Me for a While and Then He Ghosted Me: The act of not responding to texts or calls, known as "ghosting," can mean a variety of different things. Specifically, men ghost women for a variety of different reasons, so you should be cautious with how you respond to being ghosted. Most of the time, it sadly means he is just not that interested in you.
  • He Makes up Excuses for Why We Can't Hang out: If you two have hung out a couple of times, he may start making up excuses for why he can't spend time with you. These excuses can range from the reasonable to the ridiculous. Some of the time, he may have a legitimate excuse, but most of the time, it means he is not interested, and he does not want to hurt your feelings by telling you no. Instead, he hopes you will take the hint and stop trying to hang out with him.
  • He Only Calls Me Late at Night or When He Is Drunk: If he is the kind of person who calls or texts you late at night or when he is drunk, that means he has some ego issues and is looking for your attention. He wants someone to pay attention to him, so he's reaching out to you. He may be confused about his emotions, and the only time he can speak truthfully to you is when he is intoxicated. This is a bad sign for any long-term relationship potential.
  • He Only Wants to Hang out at My Place: This means that he does not want to get to know you on a deeper level, and he only wants a physical relationship with you. To him, you are just more of a refined booty call. If that's something you want from a relationship, then it's not such a bad arrangement.

What to Do After the First Date

If your first date went well, you will have to determine what his interest level is and whether or not he wants to be in a committed relationship with you.

Some men are interested in scoring with you, but nothing more. To determine whether he’s in it for you or your physical attributes, give some thought to how much preparation he puts into your dates. If the prelude to most of your encounters is “Hey, wanna hang out tonight?” it’s a clear signal that you’re convenient when he has no other plans.

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When a man is smitten by his lady, he’ll dress nicer, plan to do things he thinks she’ll enjoy, and will generally expect to pay for the date even if it means walking in the park because he’s too broke to afford dinner out.

An interested man wants to do nice things for the woman who has caught his fancy. He may surprise her with a small gift that reminded him of her. He’ll fix that problem with her front door. He’ll call her to hear her voice because text messaging doesn’t let him feel like he’s really connecting. He wants you to meet his friends and family. He loves to touch you, even if it’s not a prelude to sex.

Someone who is being friendly may help with things here and there and may invite you to join his friends, but he won’t do all these things.

When getting to know each other, it's important to give as much as you get without overdoing it if you want to keep his interest going.

A Long-Term Relationship

After weeks or months of dating, the initial spark may fade from the relationship. Routine may feel like it’s setting in. It may feel satisfying and reassuring in some ways, but unsettling in other ways.

You may have a period of anxiety or uncertainty about each other. Worse, you may start having power struggles that provoke arguments and resentments. He still talks about things you’ll do together someday, but he’s less available than he used to be.

Interest can fade when compatibility issues start to appear, and no amount of attention will fix an incompatible relationship. To determine if his interest level is waning, take a look at your disagreements. If they’re about sexual issues, finances, or if one of you feels frequently criticized, your relationship may be headed for its natural end.

It can take months or years to get there, but these are signs of incompatibility. If there are no disagreements and you’ve started going in different directions, it’s also a signal of possible incompatibility, though there may be other causes that can be fixed if you pay attention and reconnect.

At Every Stage, Laughter

Reader's Digest has been claiming "Laughter is the Best Medicine" since before most of us could read, a claim that has been bolstered by various studies over recent decades. It turns out that laughter does more than improve health, though: It may be an important indication of interest.

After all, who doesn't have "sense of humor" on their mental list of desirable traits they want in a partner?

Researcher Norman Li and his associates discovered that a shared sense of humor is a powerful indicator of interest both at the beginning stages of a relationship and in established ones, too. When someone stops laughing at your corny jokes or social faux pas, it's a strong clue that they're turning their attention elsewhere for entertainment.

Li suggests that if you want to know if someone genuinely likes you, try to make them laugh. People who enjoy your company will laugh at things that weren't that funny, while people who don't care for you will remain stoic even if your pals are gut-busting on the floor.

Questions & Answers

Question: A friend told me he is interested in me and he wants to try to see if it will work out. What does that mean?

Answer: It sounds like he's saying he wants to date you.

Question: What is the best way to ask a guy whether we are dating or not?

Answer: Probably something like, "Are we dating or doing something else?" or "What would you say is happening between us?" You can follow that one with "What would you like to see happen?" possibly.

Question: A man asked me how I was. I answered, "Fine."

Then he said "I am also fine, thanks for asking me!" in a joyful way. Then he asked what my plans for tomorrow are, and if someone else is going on holiday with me.

I answered him, and then asked if he has more questions. His answer was, "I have lots of questions, but you might feel uncomfortable." What do you think? Does he like me?

Answer: It sounds too early to tell if he likes you, but he does appear to want a chance to learn about you.

Question: A coworker whose pay grade is well above mine keeps staring at me, and I mean deep staring into my soul! These stares last several seconds, and it happens a couple to three times per week. His eyes usually light up when he sees me also. He has not talked to me. We just stare at each other and smile. This has been going on for about three months. I am taking a different job in another department, and I won't see this guy anymore. Should It offer my phone number?

Answer: If you want to! I would recommend making sure he's not married first, though.

Question: A friend told me he wants me. What does this mean?

Answer: It probably means he wants to have sex with you, but he'll tell you that it means more. If you want to know for sure, watch whether his ACTIONS show you that he cares for you the way he'd care for his favorite friend, or if they mostly show that he thinks you are hot.

Question: I have a history with this guy. A year later we run into each other and hit it off again. Now he's backing off, again. He is guarded, as he's "gotten hurt" he says. We kissed. It was great. The next time we went out, we did not. I didn't make the move to, though. Should I have, since he did first?

Answer: Nope. You are doing just fine. He is showing you those red flags, though. The minute someone says, "I've been hurt, so I'm guarded," they're saying, "I am already looking for reasons to avoid letting you get close."

Question: He keeps telling me he's going to make me fall in love with him. Is he interested?

Answer: I would imagine so!

Question: My partner and I are seventy-one-years-old. We have been flirting for three months, but he has yet to ask for my number. Is he just being nice or what?

Answer: Have you asked him? If not, go ahead and ask!

Question: I asked him if he likes another girl, he said maybe. What does this mean?

Answer: It means he isn't as into you as you'd like.

Question: A male colleague I like wants to go on vacation with me. He asked me out once, but I didn’t realize then that he was interested in me. Am I just going to be a booty call?

Answer: Not if you don't let yourself! Remember that you have a right to decide what to let into your life, what not to, and when to do either.

Question: My guy friend and I had an argument and he blurted out "You're old enough to know what you want!" What does he mean by this?

Answer: I assume it means he's frustrated with your indecision about something that he thinks shouldn't be confusing to you at all.

© 2012 jellygator

How Do You Keep Your Guy Interested?

kattysexy on November 03, 2019:

Hi there. Nice post thx

jellygator (author) from USA on September 11, 2018:

You give up while he has a girlfriend, because you deserve someone who won't abandon his girl.

But if you discover later that he no longer has one, you could invite him on a date.

AlanaHill56A on August 15, 2018:

this dude i like stared at me a lot last year when i was a sophomore and when he was a junior but now he's a senior and i'm a junior this year and he started staring at me again but he has a girlfriend do i just give up or just wait to see what happens???????

jellygator (author) from USA on June 14, 2018:

Yoni69, he's giving you excuses that tell you he won't be with you. He might be attracted to you, but he will never commit to you.

Yoni69 on June 04, 2018:

He's super religious, the, "I need to be married to do a, d, and c" type plus he's 11 yrs older than me. We're in our 40s & 50s so we're not some kids. Family ties dictate that we can't be in a public relationship. He's had 3 failed marriages. I think this, plus being super religious, means he's not fully mature, even for his age (I'm the younger). He's white, I'm not so I think he finds me exotic saying he should marry someone like me. I've asked him why he has to marry anyone and he says that's the way it has to be. I don't see myself with him and honestly, I just think he's curious but I'd still like some, at a family gathering we were watching TV and a part about two men and one woman came up. My friend and I laughed and I saw him looking straight at me with a big smirk on his face to see what my reaction was. I'm attracted to him. I think he's not sure whether I'm just being overly friendly. He flirts some with me but he's also naturally charming. I think I'm a bit bothered by what he did and will ask him about it later but in your opinion, why did he do this?

jellygator (author) from USA on May 01, 2018:

Answer him!

Sabra Wright on April 04, 2018:

can you help me i,m in 6th grade and i,m 12 years old and there is this guy who asked me if i still liked him what do i do

jellygator (author) from USA on January 02, 2017:

I agree, Peteravel. I think of this similarly: We train people how to treat us through our actions and our words. We should make sure that our actions and our words match up with what we wish to happen. If we want to be treated well but give someone second, third, and fourth chances, we've already proven that being treated well is less important to us than simply keeping them around.

Peteravel on January 01, 2017:

Consider the following statement:

A key element of attractiveness for me in a partner is whether she has the character and strength to FINISH the relationship if necessary.

Sound weird? Maybe. But. I reckon this is the key to why some relationships work, some don't, and people exploit people. If you treat your partner without respect, and get away with it, two things happen:

a) Your behaviour gets worse and worse, and

b) You lose affection and start generating contempt.

Good examples of how (I think) a girl should act are in the movies "The Tall Guy", and "Goodfellas" (yes, really!)

The Italians have an expression - "Rob me once - shame on you. Rob me twice - shame on me. " If the words "I'm worth more than that" come into your head, keep repeating them - and act accordingly.

Best Wishes,


jellygator (author) from USA on December 17, 2016:

Sex. That's what he wants. Nothing more, nothing less.

Right now, you're selling yourself out cheaply. If you want to know if you are worth it to him, stop sleeping with him or asking him to spend time together. In fact, act almost like he doesn't exist but remain receptive and friendly when he approaches you. Don't agree to "hang out," "chill together," or anything less than a full date. You'll discover very quickly if he'll move on to easier conquests or if his interest will kick up a notch.

jellygator (author) from USA on December 17, 2016:

While I wouldn't suggest throwing yourself at him in a way that would humiliate you if he doesn't reciprocate your interest, this is the kind of situation where you might gently inquire if he'd be interested in going on a date sometime. Just be prepared in case he says no.

Caro on October 13, 2016:

I need help. Okay I met a guy a month and half ago. We hit it off. We text everyday through out the day. We have hung out 5 times but is always in a group of friends. He has not asked me on a date. So we can have alone time. I have slept with him already though. He says he is so busy but then he has time for his friends. What does he really want?

Kayla on October 05, 2016:

Help! I'm falling for a guy I met at work! I'm 19 while he's 25, and yet I feel a strong sense of sexual tension whenever we're around each other, especially alone... What should I do?! My friends are all telling me I should tell him how I feel, but I'm afraid to do so due to having been burned in the past. He's showing a lot of the signs guys use when they're interested, but like I said I've been burnt before and besides that the sexual tension is really picking up... Should I go for it or leave it be???

Johnc434 on August 08, 2015:

whoah this blog is excellent i really like reading your articles. Stay up the good work! You already know, many persons are looking around for this info, you could help them greatly. gkgdgadkfdbf

jellygator (author) from USA on February 01, 2015:

Best wishes, Betty. I am happily married today after working up that same courage. My husband is the only person who I've ever been tongue-tied around! But I finally asked him and the rest, as they say, is history.

Bettyeyelash on February 01, 2015:

I am very shy and not very confident. I tend to panic when he does talk because of work and he might not be sure if I am interested. I will step it up and let him know I am definitely interested. Think I may be guilty of giving mixed signals due to not being sure. Try to work up to asking him for a date. Wish me luck lol. Thank you for your advice. It has made me look at the situation differently. I will let you know how it goes.

jellygator (author) from USA on January 31, 2015:

It could be either. "Interested people act interested," and he is. However, he's not acting SO interested that you have no doubts. Could be because he's shy about crossing a line, could be that he's avoiding a consequence he doesn't want. If you want to know for sure, ask if he'd be interested in going on a date!

Bettyeyelash on January 31, 2015:

Quick update.

He is 9 years younger and a colleague. He has paid me compliments about my personality and the type of person I am, offered to o be my audience for a demonstration at work. He has expressed interest in my hobby. His hobby could support mine. He keeps eye contact and so do I. He recommended a club where he does gigs to me, to which I asked him to let me know when he is playing but he has not done so as yet. Is it because of the age thing or is he waiting till I leave work which I will be doing over the next month or so or is he just being friendly.

jellygator (author) from USA on December 22, 2014:

If you slip him your phone number, you'll find out quickly!

Mariammm on December 18, 2014:

This is a nice post with good advices. Thanks for sharing.

I was wondering about the state 1 attraction part of the post.

If it's a guy you met or that you're meeting him at his working place? At a gym for instance as a site responsible where he has to be professional? You might not know him that well but having general conversations sometimes and you sensed he's interested on you for a few months from all the signs he's been showing.Which you've paid attention that he is different with you and simply not paying attention to other girls?

I'm asking this because it's happening to me. So does it mean he is not interested enough or else he would have find ways to make a move on me? And maybe he's just shy or not interested enough as I think? In this case, the guy is a site responsible at a gym, it's a working place though and he needs to think of the gym's reputation and that doesn't mean that he isn't interested from all the clear signs he's been giving but haven't made a move on me so far. He wanted to find out whether I was taken or single by asking me if I was heading off on a holiday with my family when I told I had a vacation. The question seemed very obvious cause of his facial expression, his voice and his body language. And I've also heard from others that he is obviously so into without I told a single word about him as they've noticed from his looks and behavior.

What I'm trying to say that it can be hard to tell what a guy thinks/yes he is into you or no he is not because we all work differently and so are the guys as well. It's not right to generalize men I mean just because he didn't use one of the particular sings being mentioned. There could be plenty of reasons. Some men can be really shy or insecure. They can really be interested attracted and maybe likes the girl but don't have the guts to make the move or he just wants to get to know her better first for any other reason. I think we have to see it with our own eyes or at least know it to take conclusions of the actions because it's hard to tell by writing about it.

It's between the girl and the guy and only they know what's going on inside of their minds and outside or people around who see this.

jellygator (author) from USA on June 27, 2014:

I can't say "all" men are standard, but I'll say that these are very common themes. Thanks for visiting and sharing your kind words.

Ana Maria Orantes from Miami Florida on June 25, 2014:

Since, every person acts different around a women . Your tips are important to follow. It depends were the person come from. Maybe , he is use to another way of doing things. Do you think all men are standar in the way of thinking.? I like you hub. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

jellygator (author) from USA on June 19, 2014:

I imagine some people will be ok with it and some people won't. That's something that happens with most of the choices we make. But here are some things to consider:

1. How will your sister feel?

2. What kind of guy dates a girl and then makes a play for her sister?

Rips on June 19, 2014:

Hey... my sister had something with a guy who I like but now he's coming for me. I mean I still like him but I don't know what people will say

maria76 on June 01, 2014:

Thank you

jellygator (author) from USA on June 01, 2014:

He is not interested in you. If he tries to make eye contact, he's doing it the same way your sister would, so the way to go forward is to remain friendly, but nothing more. Put him on your mind's "off limits" list.

maria76 on May 31, 2014:

Thank you very much for your replay. I really needed someone else's opinion. What would be your advise for me going forward if he tries to make eye contact? How should i act around him. Thank you very much.

jellygator (author) from USA on May 31, 2014:

Maria, I can see that you are having a lot of difficulty understanding when someone is not interested! You are acting like a stalker! I'm glad you are writing, but do not give these heartfelt letters to a guy who literally RUNS away from you! Instead, write in a journal for yourself. Write about why you feel such a desperate need to connect with someone after just one date, and why you continue to try to connect with someone who isn't connecting. This is a guy who does not get into relationships, so what are you hoping is going to happen? He is NOT going to fall in love with you. In fact, he will only be friendly to you when you're not trying to be closer to him because he doesn't want you or anyone chasing him, but he doesn't want to hurt you, either, so he isn't saying this.

maria76 on May 31, 2014:

9. I go hiding myself and even avoid any kind of group gatherings where there is a slight possibility that he ca show up. I want to believe he doesn't exist and it works for months. I make excuses for any work nights out. It works. But one day i almost bump into him on a corridor and i know is not by chance as he is the master of avoidance when he wants to. He grets me looking straight into my eyes. He does the same next day and again. Before i know it we stare into eachother's eyes from across the room and seems like we can't get enough. This goes on for a while, blurring our speaches as before. I am so happy but in the same time i am aware he will back off at some point. And after a few weeks he does.

10. I decide to wright yet another letter. I write about this guy i work with who is looking deep into my eyes and about how it feels like home and how he wont let me get closer to him and he wont get any closer to me even though he is curious. I dropp it on his desk. After he reads it, he becomes very agitated. He comes around looking for my eyes - i do not loom away but keep talking with the colleagues i was having a meeting with. I dont feel like running anymore, i look deep into his eyes confirming i am ok writing to him about how i feel and what i think. The thruth is if i don't write i feel like i will explode, so basically i do it more for my own survival.

maria76 on May 30, 2014:

6. [...] i have a difficult time being around him in the sense that i blush and i do not want everyone to see what's going on with me, with us. So i kind of keep a bit of distance from him. In a break a bunch of us play a game and at the end of it he makes everyone shake hands with everyone. When i touch his hand he is wet and ice cold and i am frozen only functioning in survival mode. After the weekend i can't find his eyes anymore. After a whilw i decide to play the ignore game and i turn my back on him anytime he is facing me. Soon he notices and looks very intrigued, becoming a mosquito around me trying to see my eyes. After two weeks of this hide and seek game he looks very frustrated and i start to soften. Once again we make eye contact and both turn red and look lost for words. If he looks at me when i have a chat with a colleague, i loose my train of thoughts. When i kook at him when he chats with someone, his speech slows down and he can't finish his sentance. One day he sais something to me and so i am able to talk to him again. I make a point of being around him and talk to him whenever i can and he talks to me as well. But in two diffetent situations we found ourselfs alone and i freek out running away. I still don't understand why... He starts to avoid talking to me.

7. One day he is out sick and so i find the courage to send him a nice text sayin that i have his number from work and i hope he doesn't mind, but if he does 'please let me know'. I never got a replay to that text. I felt sooo stupid and rejected. Back in work he greets me and acts extra polite and nice around me. I am once again lost for words and overly confused. I have a casual chat with a girl who worked with him for seven years and i find that he actually never had a relationship. He goes to dates, 2-3 but never beyond that. So i decide to stick around for another while.

8. I make a point of going to lunch with everyone so i can be around him. I have nice conversation and joke with everyone including him. He seems to make an effort not to run away. After one day when he we had a long chat and he paid special attention to me, he started to become cold again. And he doesn't show up to lunch or group chats. When i go to him to ask him to go to the shops he is cold and says no hiding behind his computer. I am once again lost. I decide to just end it.

maria76 on May 30, 2014:

4. I write a note about how i meet him an what was going on in my mind sice then. One page every day for two weeks. Every day i come in early enough and live the note on this desk in such a way so thay he will notice it bu to not be obvious to others. He suddenly became shy. He would greet me though when meeting me on the corridors. After i finished my writing i didn't get much relief as i thought, but instead i became myself extremly shy twords him. In fairness i opened my soul to him, which is a special kind of nudity. I wanted to see what is going to happen. He became shy and i even more shy. When he wad trying to talk to me i was lost for words and the othe way around. A month passed an it was so frustrating to see both of us struggle to get close but not being able to.

5. I decide to do what i know best... to write. I wrote him an invitation in the form of a card and put loads of details on it, making it sound funny, thinking it will make him lough and relax. One mornig i drop it on his desk. His reaction... shocked me again... when he sow me he started running literaly. Running so that he is not left alone with me in the kitchen. I felt so stupid. If he would notice me looking at him he would have a difficult time keeping his legs still. It took me two weeks to get over the shock and start seeing things clearly. I undertood eventualy that my invitation came across as being a joke, somehow like i was trying to make fun of him... It took me another two weeks to write an email to him in which i only asked him the favor to believe me it was the worst idea of my life.

6. He never replied to my email but he started to talk to me and be around me all the time chatting and making jokes. Soon after i realise my shyness, my inability to talk to him, to properly answer his questions comes across as me being cold. So i decide to do what i know best... so i write him a letter explaining why i can't talk when he is not around. Bassically i explain what i feel when i freeze around him and what goes on in my mind then. I drop it on his desk. (Just to be clear, the letter is flattering for him and is like a poem, without being one). His reaction? He starts waring sunglasses even inside. He seems ectremely flattered an he flirts with me from a distance, being all red on his face. I am happy he is reacting like this, but [...]

maria76 on May 30, 2014:

Hi jellygator, thank you for your great article - it made me want to know your oppinion on my situation. I'll make it as short as possible.

1. New job for me. After a month i notice this guy i was never intoduced to. I notice he is incredibly hot for me. On a work noght out he buys me a drink and latter i do the same. There was more chemistry i could handle at the time. In work we start flirting. I get to know more about him and he seems amazing to the point that i feel overwhelmed. We go on a group date where all goes fine. Back in work i soon notice he isn't flirting anymore. After sticking around for a while i feel hurt and try to get over the whole thing, thinking he just doesn't find me attractive anymore. As i am not sure, i tell myself that if i go hiding for a while he may miss me. So i go missing from group outings, lunches, teas, chats etc.

2. After a number of weeks i find him around me a lot trying to get my attention and i am doing a great job at not noticing him unless he was talking to me directly. I am glad he is missing me. One day he asks me if i want to go to the shops and his eyes go red when i politely say i am going with somebody else. I feel sorry for him as i can feel his struggle to remain calm and contained. As he insists i decide to go with him and all comes back to me: the joy i see in his eyes, the jockes and smiles that can't stop from either side. Back in work i am so scared of what i feel that i go into hidding mode again. I reflect on it for days and realise i was too cold for too long while hi did make an effort to get close to me again. So i warm up twords him inside me and so i decide to give it another go. Next day i go to his desk and ask him about a health problem he was talking about lately. His reaction shocked me: he reacted like an wild animal cougth in a cage - he coul barely hold himself from jumping, his arm became suddenly extremely itchy and he was scratching it seriously while answering to me that i only being nice because i want something from him.

3. I sent him a message via the work messanger saying only that he is so wrong about me. I was scared and i was sad for being the one to cause him such a reaction. He never replied to that message but after that day he started to talk to me again. What was going on was so strong that felt incredibly scarry - i liked him so much and i knew it's showing, but had no idea if he is feeling the same or is just being friendly. The chemistry was so intense that i could not have a clear read of what wad going on. I could tell he is having a good time in my company, but i wad terrified by the thought that he may think he is just being friendly. Back from lunch in the office one day i noticed him avoiding my eyes when passing by, which lef to me avoiding his eyes when he was lookig. It wss so confusing to me that i decided to do something about it.

Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on May 02, 2014:

You are very welcome, jellygator.

jellygator (author) from USA on May 02, 2014:

Thanks, Kenneth. Sincerely appreciated!

Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on May 02, 2014:

JellyGator . . .Amazing hub in every way. Loved it from beginning to end. Great usage of graphics and the lay-out was great. Voted up and away. Keep it up.

Kenneth/ we follow each other and I am grateful.

jellygator (author) from USA on April 21, 2014:

Sounds tricky, Eliza. Personally, I'd be looking for a new job or figuring out how to make sure he cannot abuse his position. The guy's clearly not a good man who you want to know better, so keep it professional at all times or move on!

eliza b on April 21, 2014:

Hi, wrote to you 5 weeks ago about a guy I had got on well with and worked with for years that had turned nasty when he said he was he is staying and he is now going to be my boss!!!! we have hardly spoken since the nasty stuff and now he is being friendly enough I guess he has to , I don't know what to do, I don't want an atmosphere yet I don't want to be a doormat and let him think he can speak to me and treat me badly if he wants to i haven't forgotten what he did and said.

jellygator (author) from USA on April 17, 2014:

Sometimes you've just got to bite the bullet!

"So, I was thinking today about how cool it is when we hang out, and how much I'd hate for it to change, but that got me wondering if this relationship is a friendship or something more. What do you think?"

bluelikepurple on April 17, 2014:


Thank you for the reply, I'm appreciating it, very! :)

I don't actually know what has me hesitating. Am I afraid that it'll all be on brother-hood level ?

I would very much like to broach such a topic but I'm somewhat a pretty shy person, so I do not know how to start it. (Nahs I'm not shy. Maybe just tongue-tied around him). Do you have any suggestions? Hehe. :)

Good day!,


jellygator (author) from USA on April 16, 2014:

Hi Ash, it sounds like you have a wonderful opportunity to explore a new friendship that sounds like it could be a promising relationship. Obviously, you're both interested enough to spend a great deal of time together, but something has you hesitating, too.

It may be time to talk to each other about what each of you would like to see happen with your friendship.

bluelikepurple on April 16, 2014:


I think your hub is great! So here I am, posting a comment, hoping you could give me your opinion and advice on what I'm gonna ask. So , here it goes!

I got to know a guy online. After a few days of chatting, he asked me out for supper, since we felt hungry and was after work. (We are not colleagues :) ) So, after eating, we went for a walk by a nearby beach, chatted all the way and found that we had so many things in common! Like we both love walking (could walk on for hours, no sweat! Haha) , our situation with families like how distanced we feel from our parents etc etc. So we kinda clicked really well and probably due to that, we could understand each other's feelings. And just nice, soon it rained and we walked slowly under (because I wanted to lol hehe). But anyway, after that we went put often for breakfast or dinner/supper.

Two days after our first meeting, he said he had missed me then. Then good night lol.

So, afterwards during our other meet ups, he'd ask about my past relationships, my family, friends, school and work. We meet usually at night, after my work. And he always fetches me and sents me home on our "hang out days". He is a gentleman I admit, like opening of doors, letting me through first and is concerned of whether I've eaten (nahs. He reminds me to eat).

We went to a movie few days ago, and I had fed him popcorns which he ate. He did leaned against my shoulder and his arm was against mine the entire showtime. (Which I thought felt nice haha). And I figured it was okay to feed him (I asked him first) and since he had fed me before from his spoon. We shared drinks.

I'm really sorry for the long write up. I really had to know cos it's. ..frustrating haha, not to understand. So, my question is, is he interested? Curious on a friendship level or acting like a brother? Cos he did mentioned that he wanted a little sister as he's the only child. He does refer to me as his sister -thrice, but he calls me by my chinese name which I hated (past tense as he makes it sounds beautiful, lol), often. And he knows I get annoyed by that, I guess in a good way! But this "brotherly love" also confuses me as he seems to stop talking / "don't know what to reply" as he says, when I refer him as my brother.

Another question is, am I interested in him? I don't know for sure. I do like seeing him, just like he does (he said so), and I look forward to our every meet ups. (I'm already excited while typing this out, I'm gonna be honest). And I do like it when our shoulders brush against, or when he pulls me close to him when I'm walking unsteadily on an uneven road.

Really looking forward to your reply, cos I know the good and helpful advice you give!

Thank you in advance, have wonderful days ahead,


jellygator (author) from USA on April 08, 2014:


Carrie Lee Night from Northeast United States on April 08, 2014:

interesting hub. Thank you for taking the time to write such a detailed description of interest when it comes to the opposite sex. Have a wonderful week

jellygator (author) from USA on March 29, 2014:

I believe you! This stuff can be confusing.

confused on March 29, 2014:

Great hub but I'm still a little confused

eliza b on March 16, 2014:

Sure am, so true. Thanks.

jellygator (author) from USA on March 15, 2014:

I can't tell you why, Eliza, but I can tell you that at least you are finding out the truth about him now...

eliza b on March 15, 2014:

I met a guy at work 4 years ago we became quite close after a year now he is leaving he has turned really nasty towards me, acuses me of a lot of untruths..and has said he doesn't want to keep in touch but acts jealous if he sees me talking to other co workers. Why this turn around?

jellygator (author) from USA on February 18, 2014:

Well, you could ask one of his coworkers if he's married. That's a reasonably good hint. You can twist up your courage by reminding yourself that a "no" is the WORST that can happen and ask him out. (It took me two months to ask S. "Are you ever going to ask me out?" He said, "No. I am getting divorced and have a teenager that's my priority." Today we are married! A couple months after my original offer he said, "Would you still be interested in going on a date sometime?) Finally, you could mail or leave a card with his name on it at his work that lets him know you're interested. I designed this greeting card just for that purpose ) !

Uncommon on February 18, 2014:

Ok so there's this guy that I am 98% positive that is interested in me, he's tried to make conversation a couple of times but my shyness keeps me from going part hi. I an extremely shy and an introvert and it's hard for me to make eye contact. For some reason I'm afraid to let guys see me looking at them.

I usually see this guy at least once out twice a week, at his job. Also, when ever I'm at his job I notice his coworkers watching me or I'll see them slyly try to point him in my direction. This has been going on for a few months.

I know he's attracted to me but insecurities are standing in the way. When I'm near him I'm nervous and my heart rate is extremely high. My thoughts are what if he's married or in a relationship or just wants sex; all to which adds to my insecurity.

Another thing is we are of different races. So I'm thinking he may think I wouldn't be interested in him. Ok, I know my rambling but my question is How do I let him know that I'm interested if I'm too nervous to talk?

jellygator (author) from USA on February 14, 2014:

How old are you, NH? I mean, if you are 30 y.o. and saying "in 26 years" that's a lot different than if you're 55 y .o. and saying that. If you are in your mid-30s or older, you will find answers (but may not like what you learn) in this article: .

need help on February 13, 2014:

I have been a year alone and cannot find a decent man after my break up. Is there something wrong with me? Either i meet someone whom i dot feel at ease with but in

26 yrs never met someone whom i will like and for a serious relationship.tks

jellygator (author) from USA on February 13, 2014:

Well, at least you know he doesn't have a sense of humor! Don't worry, Need Help, there are plenty of opportunities waiting to happen in your life.

need help on February 13, 2014:

I got to know a guy online and he seemed interested. He even gave me his contact number. I refused to sent him. The day after he sent me another message online and told me to meet and i approved slightly his request. However by mistake i called him another name and i told him the truth since in his picture he looked alike another guy whom i got to know. I even told him that this guy is in a relationship. He seemed to understand that i was sincere. Now days has passed and he did not message me back as said. Tks

jellygator (author) from USA on January 27, 2014:

If you feel comfortable with it, why not? I asked my husband out first!

Pocahontas on January 27, 2014:

We somehow haven't been able to see each other this past week my work schedule changed due to some out of office business related matters. But he parked next to me last week. I was wondering if it will be okay to leave him my business card on his windshield and checking in with him about his plans for Super Bowl since he has asked me what my plans were for MLK was the last time we saw each other.

jellygator (author) from USA on January 22, 2014:

Enjoy the nice attention while the two of you get to know each other. :)

Pocahontas19 on January 21, 2014:

Thank you for your response. He actually held the elevator doors for me and I did not realized that it was him until I got closer.

jellygator (author) from USA on January 21, 2014:

He may be attracted to you, but it's too early to tell if he is interested. If he asks you out, it will be a sign that his interest is developing.

Pochahontas19 on January 21, 2014:

Hi, there is a guy who works in the same building than I do. We have ran into each other about 3-4 times. We have talked about anything and everything. He has asked me on two separate occasions if I had any plans this coming weekend. He even tease me in the elevator saying to the other person standing in there how I almost ran him over this one time. I am not sure what to do or if he he interested.

MelD on January 19, 2014:

Thanks for the advice. Its nice to hear another opinion. Time to move on for sure.

jellygator (author) from USA on January 19, 2014:

It sounds to me like he may have been in another relationship that was not doing well. He reached out to you when it was not doing well, and he returned to it for whatever reason - probably "trying to make things work." He's attracted to you, certainly, but his interest level is low.

It's also possible that he thought you were too lukewarm toward him, but I see more of the first possibility. The timing of stopping texts when he was on a trip speaks volumes, especially since you initiated your last set of text exchanges, and he proclaims that he's shy (he would understand you not wanting to come off too strong.)

I would suggest steering clear of any deep personal conversation when you leave unless he brings it up, and if he does, be receptive but cool. Don't ask to be friends. He's clearly not a very good friend. He knows how to reach you, and if "work" was really the issue, he'd likely have started texting again when he knew he would be leaving.

MelD on January 19, 2014:

Great article. I've been confused a lot lately about the interest level a certain guy has for me. Let me start off by saying we are co-workers although we do not work together on any projects...just the same company. He joined two years after I did and we started out with casual conversation and then I noticed that he made it a point to stop by my desk every day to chat about nothing in particular. It became obvious to others that he was spending a lot of time at my desk and I got wind of some rumors around the office. However he never asked me out or flirted. It was always casual but the conversation was great. We have a lot of common interests. Quite honestly I was not initially attracted to him but as I got to know him, he became very attractive. He finally asked me to drinks after a few months but it was very casual. We did this a few times and had a great time, great conversation but it was never dinner...just drinks. I started to get frustrated because this dragged on for months and I couldn't tell where his mind was at. We started texting each other a lot but it was always fun and clean. After about 5 months of this, he finally asked me to dinner at his place and it was really nice. He cooked, we chatted and there was some make out. I asked him why he didn’t ask me on a date and he said he was shy. Actually he repeated that a few times randomly and said that he wanted to impress me. I asked him over to my place the next week for dinner and we had more of the same. Somewhere in the middle of kissing he said he liked me and I was caught off guard and didn't know what to say so I played it off. We talked about doing something the following week. He had to travel for the work the next day so I texted him to see if he had a good trip over...few texts later it just stopped. He came back to work the next week and we saw each other at work but he never texted and neither did I. I guess I was waiting for him to plan our next date or suggest we go out. Sort of left the ball in his court after dinner at my place. There was no texting and barely any talking at work for a month and then he called me up and said he wanted to meet and so we did. He basically said that our time together was fun but it was hard because we worked together. I agreed with him because this concerned me too but in a way I thought we were past that because of the months of talking and texting. I was upset that he waited a month to tell me what was on his mind. Anyway, we sort of agreed to keep things casual and friendly. He is just starting out his career while I have been working on mine for a while now and a bit more settled. He came to a house party of mine a few months later and was nice to all my friends, said I looked pretty (confusing to me) and then a few months after that at the end of a work function he gave me a long hug as I was leaving (which left me even more confused).

Its been a year now and I think we are no longer friends. We don’t text or hang out anymore and just acknowledge each other at work with some casual conversation. I think the relationship took its course but I still miss his company and wonder if we were too caught up in work and missed our chance.

Anyway, I will be leaving my work place soon and I just don't know how to handle the farewell. Do I bring up the awkward "breakup"?. Tell him I liked him too even thought I didn't say it when he did?..Suggest we try being friends again? Or maybe he was just never really interested in me? Thanks for the advice.

Amanda on January 16, 2014:

I'll remember that--thanks!

jellygator (author) from USA on January 15, 2014:

You're welcome. One thing I should mention.... Men rarely think of hanging out as a date, so I learned to pay close attention to these words, both using and hearing them.

Amanda on January 15, 2014:

Haha yeah, I wouldn't call the time we spent together as 'dates' either. I looked at it as hanging out with friends. I think that's a great idea to ask what he's looking for in a relationship if we're both interested in each other, although at this point my interest level is definitely not the same as it was 2 months ago. I have thought that he'd probably see if I was available if he did break up with his gf, just because there WAS an interest there, even though it was short lived. But I am definitely following your advice and thanks for trying to make sense of my situation! I agree with everything you've said. Thanks again :)

jellygator (author) from USA on January 14, 2014:

Gotta hate when things like this happen, but it's pretty common for things to fall apart just when they seem to be heating up!

Remember that you only had a couple of dates with each other, if you can even call them dates - since they weren't exactly planned for the two of you to spend time together to get to know each other better. In his mind, he probably wasn't thinking that he was "dating you" and he certainly wouldn't have seen you as his girlfriend. And then... bam... someone else comes along who catches his interest.

He goes with it and you're left wondering.

I think that he was mildly interested in you, but not hot, Hot, HOT for you. He met someone he thought would provide a lot of what he's looking for - and he didn't owe you an explanation because you weren't yet dating.

If new girl doesn't work out for him, he'll likely come sniffing around again to see if you're still available, but I'm glad you've moved on. If the time comes that you're both available and interested, asking him what he's looking for in a relationship would be a good start, and after a couple months, it wouldn't be a bad idea to casually ask if he thinks you have the traits he wanted.

Amanda on January 14, 2014:

Hi! I'd like to know your take on this situation, and I'll try to keep it as short as possible. The guy I like (or used to like, still on the fence about it), is my best friend's boyfriend's friend. We met in a group setting with a bunch of other people about 2 months ago. Initially, I didn't think he was cute, thought he was a nerd, and wasn't interested in him at all until the end of the night when I found out we actually had some things in common. My interest grew when I saw him a week after that, and this time the group setting was smaller and more intimate because it was only me, him, my friend, her sister, and her boyfriend. I found out then that we had even MORE things in common, which was actually scary because everything I liked he seemed to like to, we both had similar life experiences, and we spent the majority of the night talking to each other easily and joking around and being geeks. For only meeting twice at that point, he was disclosing some pretty private things about himself which I thought was kind of weird (i.e. he has a disease) but I rolled along with it.

About 2 weeks later I went clubbing with him, my friend, her bf, and some other mutual friends and this is where things get interesting and where he showed signs of being flirty. I ordered a drink but couldn't finish it so he said he would, so I handed him my drink but he just pointed at the drink as in saying 'drink it with me.' So we both drank out the cup at the same time (there were 2 straws and that cup was SMALL ). We then started dancing with each other after we danced with other people, and he danced with me completely different from my other friends. They grinded with him whereas me and him slow danced. He held out his hand for me to link with his and then he squeezed my hand which I wasn't expecting, so I squeezed it back and we kept squeezing it back and forth and smiling while I was leaning on him. He also moved his hand from my waist to my butt lol but he didn't really do anything after that. We left the room to get water, I told him we should hang out sometime, he agreed and asked when I was free, I told him when and we tentatively decided on a weekend. I also asked him for his number. Leaving the club, my friend said I looked cold and he offered his jacket right away. Even when I tried to give it back to him he insisted I keep it on to warm up. And that was the end of that night.

After that we texted a bit, nothing flirty. I always initiated it but he always kept the conversation going. I only texted him first 3 times. I stopped texting because I didn't have much to say and I really was only texting him to plan a time we could hang out. When I offered 2 dates to hang out he said he was busy (which he was). So once I stopped initiating the texts he never texted me. I didn't see him again until a month later at my friend's house and he was paying a little bit more attention to me than the other girls that were there, and there was some tension between us.

In December, I found out he was dating some girl he met online. I was confused because I thought he was somewhat interested in me too when we went clubbing. But the thing is we never talked about that night at all. And it's weird because I'm going to keep seeing him in groups and I can't shake off the feeling that something else might happen. I'm not sure what to make of this. Why did he act interested and then nothing? I've pretty much moved on but it's been bugging me. And I know he wasn't seeing anyone before we went clubbing. Should I talk to him about it, move on completely? Thanks for your help, sorry this was longer than anticipated!

jellygator (author) from USA on January 10, 2014:

It's ok to show you are interested. Heck, you ARE interested! Why not be genuine?

Just do not let yourself move from being interested to being committed without making SURE he's there, too.

Britta on January 10, 2014:

I haven't because I feel like that can only imply interest, and I want to keep him as a friend if he's not interested in me.

jellygator (author) from USA on January 10, 2014:

I would say to be cautious. Although he is certainly sending some signs that he's interested, he *is* a 47 year old guy, so he probably has ample experience asking a woman on a date or letting her know that he'd like to know her better. I'm not seeing signals that he's interested in being exclusive with you. The biggest "red flag" of all is that other women are calling him regularly. Yes, it's nice that he doesn't answer, but but he's not exactly telling them to back off, either, since they're still calling. My guess is he's treating others with the same courtesy and kindnesses that you are seeing.

If you're dating, that's wonderful. If you aren't, there's nothing wrong with asking him if he'd like to. Be careful if you do, though, and make sure that his relationship goals are the same as yours - especially before you start acting committed (when he's not as committed as you are.)

Georgina on January 10, 2014:

This is a quick roundup of goings on between me and an older man at work. Is he interested?

Keeps looking at me

Holds eye contact

Starts and keeps conversations going

Sits with me 80% of evening than with his own team at the works Xmas do

Tells everyone about my exciting side business even those I don't know

Gives me a lift home

Talks about his divorce and tells me he's single and when last relationship was

I say I'd like to be in a relationship but its hard giving up being single he agreed then said but its nice to be with someone and I agreed

Doesn't pick up phone in car when a woman is persistently calling him non stop one after other in front of me

Says yes to me for coffee and again when i mention if he still fancies it

Makes reference to my colour of clothes and nails and knee boots like 'we're matching' or compliments me

Others catch him looking at me when I'm busy and apparently each time he walks through the door he looks straight over at my desk and looks around.

I am 33 he is 47 and we only work there half the week plus I am leaving in the summer. Although he is very laid back he is a very senior person.

Does he seem interested? I really like this man and started to care about him he's such a caring lovely man and well known at work for being so nice. I really don't want to be pushy and want him to lead but he also seems shy and like he's trying when he stops me for conversations when were alone.

jellygator (author) from USA on January 09, 2014:

Have you asked him if he has a girlfriend?

Britta on January 09, 2014:

I met a guy a few months ago who I instantly connected with. We became friends very quickly, and he soon started walking with me in between classes. Shortly after we started talking more in person, he messaged me on Facebook and, from his profile, I suspect he has a girlfriend. We messaged intermittently on Facebook for a couple months and he started to spend some time with me in between classes. He is flirtatious toward me and has never mentioned a girlfriend. We laugh a lot when we're together, and have a lot in common. Unfortunately, I started to fall for him. He continued to message me over the last few weeks, but then last week, he mysteriously stopped and never responded to the last message I sent. This guy confuses me.

jellygator (author) from USA on January 07, 2014:

In my opinion, it means you should lose HIS number!

nora on January 07, 2014:

He sent me a void msg after nine months. What does that mean. He still has my number

jellygator (author) from USA on January 06, 2014:

Hi Kim,

I just checked the link and it's working, so perhaps it isn't pasting the entire link. I'll paste it again, and if it doesn't work for you this time, you can find it by looking at my profile for an article about the Top 3 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships.

Please let me know if it doesn't work again, and I will ask the HubPages team to fix the problem.

kim71 on January 06, 2014:

I tried to look up what you asked me to read but it said it's I longer available.

nora on January 03, 2014:

Sure bec the truth is that he does not :)

jellygator (author) from USA on January 03, 2014:

Smart choice, Nora! We should all hold out for someone that ACTS like they love us, shouldn't we?

nora on January 01, 2014:

Yeah you understood me. I thought that it was my fault and not his. He has another girl now and he messaged me twice to get back with him and i said no. Thanks :)

jellygator (author) from USA on January 01, 2014:

I am not sure I entirely understand your story, Nora. It's quite complicated, and I think perhaps English is a second language for you. Some of this was confusing to me. I think you have said that you're missing a relationship that ended a year ago, and you provided a lot of details about it. Is that correct?

It has been a year, and he isn't trying to be with you. So that is the bad news - he is not interested in being with you.

But there is good news, too. The good news is that you do not need him to feel good about you. You think you do, but I promise you that you will feel very different if you can find a counselor who can help you work on just two things: 1. Self esteem 2. Grief

Good luck, Nora.

jellygator (author) from USA on December 31, 2013:

Hi Kim. I can see why you'd be confused! He is definitely sending mixed messages. One message is "I'm interested, I care, and there's sexual tension between us" and the other is "But I won't act on it and I'm pushing you away." The problem I see is that NEITHER of you has decided to set firm boundaries on what you want in your life and then ONLY letting in people who meet those boundaries.

You're making some mistakes that are very common for us women to make! I talk about these in one of my articles on this site ( When I was going through some situations that had me feeling sort of like you're feeling - shortchanged, so to speak - I couldn't help but wonder why I never really saw men I dated feeling the same way. They didn't have those same doubts and feelings of being let down by partners, and in fact, experienced the opposite. They found partners who stuck by them even when they acted like jerks. Guys who DID have experiences like me had a different personality altogether. They were the clingier, more dependent "nice guys." I made a promise to myself to become more like that first group of men - independent, my-way-or-the-highway, and tough to pin down.

What are your standards and goals? Do you want a man in your life who is not willing to commit to you completely? If the answer is "no," then stop responding to this guy's texts and calls. He isn't the right guy for you. You are his "Ms. Someday if everything else collapses."

Besides the article I linked above, I have a couple of others that may interest you, too. Please browse my profile page if you'd like to see what else is available.

kim71 on December 31, 2013:

This probably going to be long. But here it goes. I am 42yrs old. I was in a 24yr relationship with a man since I was 16. Finally got away and was in my own for approx 3 yrs. Then decided to date. Went in about 5-6 one night dates, I chemistry. Then thought I met Mr right.....WRONG. NARCISSIST. So I took a break from dating again, but I have this male friend who from the first time he talked to me, I knew he just wanted sex. I told him he might as well keep moving because he's not going to get it here. But he still talked to me. And I mean for hours in end. At this point I have been to his house as a friend only and talk and texting. Then he said to me that he wanted to try to get back with his ex wife. Which I thought was good because I told him he was still in love with her. But he said he wouldn't be able to talk to me anymore. I was like I don't understand why not we are just friends. He said she wouldn't understand me. He said that if he needed to get a hold of me he knew how. So at that point after being hurt by the guy that I thought loved me, I told him to go ahead and delete my pics and loose my number while he was at it. Well two weeks later he text me. I wasn't going to answer but I did. But we have talked since, texted each other goofy stuff. Went places together and he has came to my apartment to fix stuff for me and do things I wanted done. Now he's always flirty and has suggested sexual things but I just blow them off with a joke. I even watched 3D porn with him because I thought he was full of crap and that it didn't exist. Well there is such a thing. Lol I don't think he was to comfortable watching it with me because he couldn't watch it and had to turn it down. And he's the one that asked me to watch it. Plus I could tell he was having man issues. Lol but we still would talk and text all the time. Then there was a point that he said to me that he would never have sex with me because he cares about me to much to ruin what we have. So if that is so, why is it that he is always asking for a sexual favor etc. Trying to keep PG 13. Lol. Then last week he said it again, he probably will have to quit talking to me again because he is wanting to get back with his ex. And again which is great. But don't understand why we can't be friends. He said one thing to me that she wouldn't understand him having a girl as close as a friend as me as a friend. He always teases me, does things for me, andmakes sure I'm ok when I'm down. Then two days ago I was talking to him and he said he wanted to lay down because he had a bad headache so I said ok I'll talk to you later. Well he kept telling me I need to start going out and meet a nice guy. So I went in two different dates, one in Thursday the another one in Friday. But Sat evening when I text him to see if he was feeling better he was really rude, actually mean in his text. He wrote, shut up...... find you a bf and make a happy life. I wrote back that he really hurt my feelings and I didn't need to be treated like that and more or less bye..... for good. He texted me later that night, he asked if I was still alive. I ignored it. The next morning 3 more texts. The last one saying, Kim I'm sorry will you please call me when you wake up. I never responded back for like 5 hours. So as we were texting back and forth, and I was telling him how bad he hurt me etc, he still wanted to know if it was ok to come over and help me at my apartment like we had planned. At first I said I. Then about after an hour or longer of texting I said he could still help me. He was here for like 4-5 hours. We never talked about what happened. He still talked about getting back with his ex. He told me she invited him to spend new years eve with her like 4-5 days ago, so I told him today when the clock strikes midnight give her a kiss. Now he says it's new years day. So when I tried to talk to him about two different guys are wanting to take me out for new years eve, he don't want to hear it and changes the subject. I also was supposed to have a date tonight but the guy asked if I would take a rain check. But my friend asked me if I was still going out yet that night, more then once.Then i told him the guy asked for a rain check. I then said I'm tired if going out with a bunch if different guys, he said you only went out with two, and how are you going to find Mr right if you don't keep dating. I said I thought I did find me right and got screwed. I don't know what he wants, he sends me mixed signals, he's always laughing when were together, he does things for me, he even helps me when I need extra money. He has told me he cares to much about me to sleep with me, but that was his Intentions from the start. We have been friends for 5-6 months except for the two week break and he message me. He even knew where I was, which I thought that was kinda odd. But the thing is, is that even though we get a long great, always laugh, him helping me when I need help and being there when I need someone I matter what. Even checking to see if 3D porn was real. I have never even shook his hand. So you see why I am confused. I don't know if he really likes me and he's scared. And he uses getting back with his ex wife to see what I will say about it. But when I talk about the two guys I went out with even knowing get there wasn't nothing there he really don't want to hear it. But keeps asking if I was still going out tonight. I need help. I have only been with two men in my life. And the second guy I was with sexually with, we were together around 3 months before I slept with him. I had to love him before I could sleep with him. I wish I could be like other people, but for some reason I can't. But I don't know what to do with guy. I don't know if he really wants to be with me or not. When it comes to relationships you can see I have I clue what I'm doing. So please give me some advice in what you might think he wants. Because I sure in the heck don't. I need any and all help I can get. Sorry so long but please help me. Thanks Kim.

jellygator (author) from USA on December 25, 2013:

If you know someone who has a great, longtime relationship, pay attention to how they interact with their partner. You could learn a lot about how to choose a good partner who is available to you and treats you well. Best wishes, Emma.

emma on December 25, 2013:

Im 26

jellygator (author) from USA on December 21, 2013:

I don't know how old you are, and I can see that you're a caring person, but I can tell you that what you are going through are things that aren't likely to turn into a "forever love." You would benefit a lot from learning how to take care of yourself first, and not trying to help others when you haven't been able to heal your own hurts.

emma on December 20, 2013:

I dnt know. I was bullied as well. I felt ruined. Now i had a crush on a guy and turmed out to be exactly like me. He was so hurt that he is afraid to start a rel. I tried to help but he said that he does not trust and i felt offended and said so you does nt have faith and all i am saying is for nothing and he explained and went. Should i let him go?

jellygator (author) from USA on December 20, 2013:

I'm sorry you are hurting, Emma. You have a lot going on there, and you've been pretty vague about it. Is there any way you can speak to a counselor to cope with your grief?

emma on December 20, 2013:

Hi i just need a better understanding of my life. I have been in a rel for more than two years. It had started quite anazing but after a month my life got horrible with his friends and family an always wanted to quit. He was so obsessed with me than I ve started to say things in order to straighten my self esteem. I did something wrong but after all i did say the truth. He made me hate everything that i owned and i even told lies to my mom in order to cover him up. I know that i am stubborn but never taught that he was going to leave me for a teen girl. I loved him although all this and always faught him but he cancelled me from his life

jellygator (author) from USA on December 16, 2013:

If a guy isn't interested, he's probably not saying much to his friends about you, which is why they wouldn't know. He might be shy. He might be friendly because he's been taught to be polite. As I I have said a couple times here, the only certain way to know is to ask him on a date!

peachtaeby on December 16, 2013:

Why did he gives me smile, but never approach me?why only his friends approach me?why he stares at me a lot but looks away quickly sometimes with smile and the other times with angry looks?why he smiles a lot when I start conversation with him, but he didn't make the conversation long?when I ask his friends whether he likes me or not, they said just think that they didn't know anything, why did they said like that and just say no if he didn't like me?somehow I feel like I want to quit. But I can't. My heart keeps on telling me he is worth the chase. But why he didn't approach me?and just be friend with me at least.

petty on December 15, 2013:

I am shy to ask

jellygator (author) from USA on December 15, 2013:

I understand. As I told you, there's a way to find out for sure... :)

jellygator (author) from USA on December 14, 2013:

Well, it looks as if you're not ready to believe what I am telling you, which is okay. You're the one who is going through it and I completely respect that you're an intelligent person who can figure it out as you go. I hope you'll let us know where you two are at a month from now!

petty on December 14, 2013:

And he wants to help as said. Very mixed signals...ok i m not his girlie he could like other pics but I wonder why he keeps waiting for me

petty on December 14, 2013:

And he says gn before he cuts off. I would not do that if I would not be interested and everyday and no guy would speak to a guy if for five sec if he is not interested. Tks

petty on December 14, 2013: why does he waits for me and why does he speaks to me before he goes out? Bec he is always waiting for me and he just reveals things with me

jellygator (author) from USA on December 14, 2013:

Hate to say it, but it sounds like he's just being friendly. If you want to know for sure, though, you could ask *him* on a date! (Be sure to use the word date, though. If you ask him to "hang out sometime" you'll continue to get confusing signals!)

petty on December 14, 2013:

Thanks for yr advice :))

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