How to Pretend to Ignore Someone That You Have a Crush On
How to Pretend to Ignore Someone That You're Actually in Love with (and Not Have Your Crush Ignore You Back)
So it has come to this: Being an adult about things and being dead-obvious and dead-honest about your feelings serves you no purpose because...
- The person you're dealing with has the emotional maturity of a five-year-old,
- You have the emotional maturity of a five-year-old, or
- You're both actually five-year-olds.
In any case, you have no choice: You must play the push-pull game and make the person you fancy feel ignored for at least some period of time. Ignoring them first means your crush is unlikely to ignore you back, and you get the upper hand. This may seem difficult at first, but really, with a little self-restraint, it can be quite easy to pique their interest by following these basic tips.
#1: Stare at Them from the Side of Your Eye (a.k.a. The Side Stare)
Making it clear that you're looking at them is no good—they might get the wrong (or is it right?) idea that you really do have some kind of special interest in them. Even if you're the kind of person who normally watches people, regardless of your level of romantic interest, stop it. Make a special exception just for this situation and stare at everyone except the object of your desire.
The problem with just not looking at them altogether, though, is that you'll never be able to enjoy their fabulousness or see what they're doing or read their body language, because you'll always be turned away from them. The solution to this problem is to watch them from the side of your eye—that is, your peripheral vision—so that they are always to some degree in your sight but they won't know you're interested. You can be as creepy as you want, but they'll never know it.
#2: Be Overly Formal with Them
Rather than act familiar, like you guys are buddies or something ludicrous like that, confuse your love by being really stiff and polite. If you bump into them, say "excuse me" in a monotone voice that echoes from the core of your being that you don't care about them and could never want them.
Also, don't use their first name when you address them. In fact, don't use their name at all if you can help it, just use "you" a lot. Better yet, if you can just avoid addressing them altogether, it's even better. I promise, this tactic will have the object of your infatuation totally confused, in a good way.
#3: Only Say "Hello" Or "Goodbye" in Response to Their Own Greeting
If they say, "Hi there, how are you?" You say, "Hello." If they say, "Will I see you tomorrow?" You say, "Goodbye." If you limit yourself to "hello" and "goodbye," you will drive them crazy with desire.
And even then, only respond sometimes. Better yet, pretend you don't hear them and say nothing 50% of the time. Those times that you ignore them completely may make them feel dumb or may make them wonder if you're angry about something. Good. The more they feel any kind of emotional response you were the cause of—any emotion at all—the more they'll find you irresistible.
Sure, there's a chance they might just think you're a jerk or something, but that chance is so astronomically unlikely it's hardly worth mentioning. The only time something like that could ever happen is if the person you like has this thing called "self-esteem" or something like that. Crazy, I know.
#4: Talk to Your Desired Love Only Through Other People
If you ever have anything to say to this crush of yours, anything at all, try to avoid talking to them directly as much as possible, even if they're right next to you. Instead, use someone else in the room as a messenger.
For example, let's say that your lover-to-be is named Jane Doe and you are both out in a group of mutual friends. A conversation on a typical group outing might potentially go like this. Ideally, Jane is standing very obviously within earshot and it is very clear that you can see her.
You: "Hey, Bill, before I go in to order, does Jane want a sandwich, too, or is it just the two of us?"
Now here's an alternate method that might be even more effective, if performed with the right tone of voice (which would be no tone at all): Omit Jane's name altogether.
You: "Say, Bill, does she want a sandwich too [don't look at her when saying this], or is it just us two?"
Or, potentially even better, if it can be pulled off without being too vague: Omit any direct reference to Jane altogether and only refer to Jane through implication.
You: "Oh, Bill, before I order, is that going to be two or three sandwiches?"
Everyone knows Jane is the third sandwich, but it's more powerful because you've made her feel like you're so indifferent that she may as well not exist because she's not even worth mentioning—but still, you're thinking of her enough to order her a sandwich. Do you understand the cunning brilliance of this? No? Well she probably won't, either, so award yourself 100 points for slyness.
#5: Have Your Crush "Feast on Scraps," so to Speak
Every once in a while, throw them a bone, if you will. In those very rare moments, act familiar and actually normal with them, or maybe even charming. I'm not talking about holding doors or buying gifts or anything crazy like that. Begin with something simple, like actually calling them by name.
If you have done all the other things detailed in this article, they should be so in love with you by now that they'll feel a thrill at the tiniest bit of attention. Use this reward system wisely and only do it randomly in order to keep them guessing.
But don't overdo it; remember, it's always better to have them eating out of your hand instead of the other way around, where you're wondering why your crush ignores you. Make them feel unwanted and they never will.