Jorge's relationship advice is based on experience and observation. Let his trial and error be your success (hopefully).
Law of Attraction: Relationships
You've probably heard about the Law of Attraction—or "the secret," as many people call it. It's a staple of self-help nowadays, and like many popular concepts, it has slowly been watered down to the point that hardly anyone knows what it means.
Yes, the Law of Attraction does work. You can also absolutely apply it to your relationships and use it to help you attract a new partner with the kind of characteristics that you want.
The problem is that people misunderstand the Law of Attraction all the time. They don't realize what it really is or what it means, so they often misapply it and then dismiss it when it doesn't work. The problem is that they're not doing it right.
You really can't blame them, though. All of the propaganda surrounding "the secret" is easily misunderstood because it is a very shallow depiction of what the Law of Attraction entails. If you have no further exposure to the concept, you might end up thinking that it is basically the same as wishful thinking or magic. It's not.
Let's take a quick look at what the Law of Attraction actually is, and then we can go over some ways that you can use it to manifest love and all kinds of relationships in your life.
What the Law of Attraction Actually Is and What This Means for Your Relationships
"I am single and lonely, and it seems that there's no one out there for me. I think about how much I want a partner every day. Aren't I supposed to get what I think about? Why hasn't the Universe brought me a lover yet? The Law of Attraction doesn't work!"
Yes, indeed. The Law of Attraction doesn't work like that.
If something like the paragraph written above is what goes through your mind when you're trying to attract a mate, then it's no wonder you haven't manifested a relationship. That kind of thinking is a mentality of lack. No matter what you're thinking about, you won't attract anything with a mindset like that.
The Law of Attraction is not wishful thinking. It's not whining about what you deserve. It's not complaining about what isn't here yet. It's not focusing on what you don't have, hoping that it will finally come.
Stop Wanting; Start Getting
The Law of Attraction is all about focusing on what you want, not the fact that you want it. There is an important distinction there. If you focus on what you want, your subconscious mind will be trained to look for the best path to get it. If you focus on the fact that you want something, your brain will only see lack everywhere.
The Law of Attraction means putting your attention squarely on where you want to go. Forget the fact that you're not there yet. Don't let the problems you encountered along the way linger in your mind. Keep your gaze on the target, like you're already there, and move forward.
It's not enough to wish. The Law of Attraction is not magic; it's just a way to train your subconscious mind; you must still take action to reach your goal. You are the one who must change before your circumstances do. The road to what you desire is through personal transformation. If this means that you have to learn a whole new style of relating to people to have the relationship that you want, then so be it.
In other words, you must be a different person to receive something different from the Universe. This is why most people get it wrong. They don't want to change. They think they can stay the same and get different results somehow.
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How This Affects Relationships
You can probably already see how this applies to relationships. How many desperate people do you see in good relationships? What did focusing on their own lack and loneliness and emptiness do for them? Are other people attracted to them?
How about people with confidence who radiate a sense of wholeness? You've probably met someone before who seemed oddly content to be single if they needed to be, and yet they were never short of prospects.
It seems unfair at first, doesn't it? If you look a bit closer, though, you'll see that the difference is merely in how well these people have applied The Law without even realizing it.
How to Manifest Love When You're Lonely
Have you ever really, really wanted something for a long time, and it never came? It just seemed that the more you wanted it, the further it ran away from you?
Maybe it was money, a relationship, a different life situation.
Has it ever happened that the moment you gave up on it and went on with your life, it suddenly showed up out of nowhere?
This is the power of surrender. Sometimes wanting something "too hard" just leads to focusing on lack. You end up getting desperate. The moment you let it go and say, "Bah! I am fine with you or without you!" suddenly you get what you want.
This is common with lonely people who badly want relationships. They can't get the loneliness out of their minds. They ruminate on it. The anguish is even noticeable to other people and drives them away.
Then, the moment they surrender and realize that they're perfectly fine being single, someone abruptly pops into their life.
You Have to Be OK With Yourself First
The degree of your self-acceptance will dictate the quality of your relationship. If you try to manifest a relationship when you're full of desperation, and you have low self-esteem, you may indeed succeed, but the relationship will almost certainly be sub-par. You might drive your partner away, unconsciously cause drama in your relationship, or—more likely—attract a partner who is not good for you.
There are insanely co-dependent people out there who cling to desperate loners like a magnet. Do you really want to attract someone like this?
How to Use the Law of Attraction for Love (and Not Lack)
Instead of staring into the void of your loneliness and hoping someone will show up, the best way to manifest a relationship with a good partner is to fill that void yourself first. Happy, self-sufficient people are attracted to the same kind of people, after all.
Here are some practices that you can implement that will help slowly change you into the kind of person who can attract lots of different partners easily:
#1: Be Grateful for the Relationships You Have
Before anything else, using "the secret" to get what you want involves cultivating a sense of gratitude.
This can be really hard in our society because we're programmed to complain about what is wrong with our lives. Often, we may not even realize that solutions exist for our problems, and we might just accept them as a fact of life.
Well, your loneliness is not a fact of life. Whether you are alone or not, you can be grateful for the things you have.
What relationships in your life do you already have that you really enjoy?
Do you have some friends that you're really close to? Do you have a loving family? Do you have a good relationship with yourself?
Is there someone that you're already seeing romantically, but you keep poisoning the connection by asking yourself when it's going to turn into a "real" relationship? Are you driving the person away with demands and desperation?
Relax. Look around you. There's always something to be grateful for, even if it's hard to see at first through a lens of loneliness.
Even something as simple as going out into nature and re-visiting your relationship with the animals and plants that live there can make a difference.
#2: Let Go of Judgement
A lot of what closes us off to connections is being overly judgmental of the people who show up in our lives. Having a strict "must-have" list a mile long for our prospective partner is often just a form of self-sabotage.
The truth is you might not even know what will make you happy. Loosen up a bit. Stop focusing so hard on things being perfect, and welcome what comes with happiness. That will signal the world to send more of it.
#3: Don't Sell Yourself Short
Just as it's a fool's errand to expect your partner to fulfill your every whim and desire, you shouldn't settle for something way below reasonable standards just because you think you "can't do better."
It doesn't matter how unattractive you think you are; no one deserves a partner who abuses or disrespects them. Pay attention to the signs of someone who mistreats you and know when to walk away—even if it means being alone.
Sometimes "the Universe" will test you like this. You will receive a bad match, and it will wait and see if you have the strength to politely decline.
#4: Forget the Disney Ending; Make Your Own Story
Attracting a good relationship doesn't mean that the relationship is going to be perfect or even permanent. Remember that you will attract someone who matches who you are in a given moment. If you or your partner change, the relationship may no longer be compatible. Sometimes we're meant to learn something from a relationship and then move on when we're done.
This is perfectly fine, and it's not a failure. It's just life. Let go of the need to live "happily ever after." This is just cultural programming that can ironically interfere with real happiness.
Instead, make your own story. What would you like the relationship to be like? Imagine it as vividly as you can in your own mind. If you can do this without feeling lack, then get as detailed as you can.
#5: Use Visualization
When you imagine your partner, make it as real as you can in your mind. Imagine yourself walking up to this person and starting a conversation. Rehearse it many times in your mind so that when the time comes to make the connection, you will be prepared.
This will not only help you be more confident, but it will prime your mind to look for opportunities.
#6: Send Out Your Mating Call
Once you are ready, don't be shy! Send out your intention to the world. Tell everyone you know that you're looking for a partner.
Just remember not to send this message in a needy way, or it might backfire. Be confident, specify what you want, and happily invite new people into your life.
If you're too shy to admit that you're looking for a relationship, then you're going to have trouble finding one. Make what you want as obvious as you can.
#7: Build a Good Life, Then Invite Others In
If you are living a life that you love, then people will naturally be attracted to you in droves. Someone who genuinely feels the joy of being alive on a daily basis is so uncommon that it will spark people's curiosity. It will attract a good partner as well.
So one of the best strategies for manifesting love in your life is to simply build the foundation first. Make a life for yourself, and watch as the right people flow into it.
Be careful here, though. "The right life" does not mean "the life that I think will get me a partner." This is a trap. A lot of people force themselves into a job they hate to make money in order to attract a marriage partner. Often, this leads to a miserable marriage.
Get creative and build the right life for you. The right partners for you will then naturally come.
How to Manifest Love With a Specific Person
Finally, let's have a quick word about how to manifest love with a specific person.
Don't do it.
Is it possible to manifest a relationship with a specific person? Yes, in theory. However, the fact that you would even want to do this usually means that you have a scarcity mentality, and so it will rarely ever work.
People who are using the Law of Attraction correctly to manifest love are open to a relationship with anyone who is a good match. If you are overly focused on one person, that means you are rejecting people left and right who might give you the same joy and happiness as the one you're hung up on.
This is desperation. Not only does it not work for manifesting your desires, but it will also likely turn the other person off.
If you really want to attract a specific person, then ironically, it would probably be best to let go of the need to be with them. Dating other people will make you more attractive to them anyway, and you might actually end up together.
Of course, if you like someone specific and feel that this is the person the Universe has sent you, you could always try the direct method of attraction: ask them out!
As you can see, the Law of Attraction is not about wanting; it's about having.
What do you already have in your life that you love? Appreciate it and expand it!
What kind of relationship do you have with yourself? Improve it, and you will see other people coming into your life.
Focus on your own joy, and the rest will follow.
© 2017 Jorge Vamos
Jorge Vamos (author) on October 04, 2018:
Thank you John!
Glad that this made sense to you. Hope it helps!
John I on October 02, 2018:
I’ve read a lot of articles about the loa but this has by far made the most sense to me.
Jorge Vamos (author) on May 18, 2018:
Well look, you're already expecting people to disagree with you, right? So what are you attracting?
Haha, there's nothing inherently wrong with what you're saying. That's your personal experience and perspective, politically correct or not. I actually know what you mean to a certain extent; I am a bisexual guy myself and I've visited the gay scene quite a bit. There's definitely a seedy underbelly sometimes.
The problem is not that gay men are all depraved sex addicts or something (Are you?), it's just that unfortunately many of the situations and venues in which gay men would likely meet have an emphasis on the seedier side of things, on drugs and unconscious behavior. For example, gay clubs, bars, and dubious dating apps.
The thing is that there is no way to know for sure if another guy is gay or bi in most situations, so it's harder to casually meet a guy on the street or at some social function without possibly getting into an awkward situation when you try to feel him out. This means that the options that are left to us can be...less wholesome situations. Combine that with the naturally high sex drive of a male, then multiply that by two and...well, you know how it is.
However, take heart! I have met plenty of gay and bi guys who are not festering piles of depravity. You won't attract them with a hopeless attitude, though. They also don't tend to lurk in the bowels of a gay bar or on Grindr.
It takes some extra feeling out, but I've found it's easier to connect with decent people (gay or straight) when you do things like volunteering at LGBT centers and such. Good luck!
TZT579 on May 18, 2018:
This has worked for me in many other respects, but not relationship wise. I'm a gay man, and in my humble opinion, 99 percent of gay men are sex addicts. Predators. Like substance abusers, gay sex addicts perceive other men as just another fix. Period. Non-human beings. Victims to be disrespected, disregarded and disposed of.
What I have said goes against the gay community's sex agenda. Not politically correct because the majority rules. I myself have been the unfortunate beneficiary of this despicable behavior for decades. It's highly wounding to say the very least. Now for the pot shots. How dare I say such a thing.