How to Know if a Man Sees You as Wife Material

Updated on November 22, 2016

If you are involved in a relationship with a man you can see yourself marrying, chances are you want to know whether he feels the same way. While you could always ask him point blank, there are a few telltale signs that can help you tell if a man wants to marry you.

He Invests in You

Women spend a lot of time trying to figure out what a man values, when the answer is really very simple. When a man values something, he invests in it. This is especially true for relationships and the woman he intends to marry. A man looking for a traditional relationship with marriage, kids and the whole nine yards, is going to see his future wife as someone worthy of investment. No, this doesn't mean diamond rings or expensive cars. This means investing his time, his emotions and yes, sometimes his material support into your needs. Most men are, at their core, motivated to care for the people they value. Like any good investment, you invest in a relationship things that you expect to pay dividends in the future.

If you can't get a moment of his time, it's probably because he doesn't see himself spending a lot of time with you in the future. If he never makes an attempt to take you anywhere nice or invest in the material things you share, like a home, it's probably because he doesn't see you sharing finances in the future. If he isn't willing to invest his emotions by listening to you and having conversations that go beyond, "What should we have for dinner?" it's probably because he doesn't see you as a person he'll be leaning on for emotional support ten years from now.

When you are married, two become one. What you invest in the person you marry is what you get in return, so someone who isn't willing to invest any of these things likely doesn't have you in his future. As much as this can hurt to realize, the sooner you realize it, the sooner you can find someone who is willing to invest the time and energy you deserve in a relationship.

He Tells You He Loves You Just Because

People who say men aren't communicative generally haven't seen men in a happy relationship. While it's true that men are generally discouraged by society from expressing their emotions outwardly the same way women are encouraged to do, men who feel safe with a romantic partner are often quite expressive and affectionate. In fact, some studies suggest that men are actually far "cuddlier" than women in a monogamous relationship.

If your partner only tells you he loves you during sex or only wants to be affectionate on occasion, it could be a difference in communication, but it's more than likely a lack of intimacy. Don't let stereotypes about men convince you that distance and apathy are normal. Likewise, don't expect him to have the same exact expressiveness that you do. For some people, saying I love you every day feels forced and unnatural. The how matters more than the frequency. Does it feel forced, or does he seem to randomly think of how much he cares about you and express himself accordingly?

He Talks About the Future

While I advise women against having "the talk" about marriage and kids in the earliest stages of a relationship, you can tell a lot about a man's intentions by observing when he brings these things up on his own. In general, it takes longer for a man to start thinking about the future than it does for a woman (although I've certainly known men who were the exception to the rule). Take note of how he talks about the future. If you're not mentioned when he discusses things like how he wants to have a family, places he wants to travel, and how If he sees himself changing in ten years, chances are it's because he doesn't see you in the picture.

It's worth noting here that couples often overcompensate for insecurities in a relationship by over-planning and over-sharing about the future. Naming your nine theoretical children won't improve the quality of your relationship now, and it certainly won't make him stay.

He Thinks About You Throughout the Day

A man who wants to marry you enjoys spending time with you and thinks about you often. Sounds intuitive enough, doesn't it? Little "I'm thinking about you" text messages throughout the day or small surprise gifts are not only signs that he appreciates you but that you pop into his mind as much as he pops into yours. On the flip side, be suspicious of any man who texts constantly or can't get enough of you one week only to go completely off the radar the next. True interest is consistent and it lasts long after the honeymoon stage. The happiest couples I know still send each other little reminders of love throughout the day, whether they've been married for two years or two decades.

He Values Your Time

A man who sees you as future wife material understands that your time is valuable and feels grateful for the time you choose to spend with him. This is by no means a one-directional feeling. If you value your romantic partner's time, chances are you won't want to waste it, and that goes for men and women. A man who wants to marry you one day won't ignore your calls (assuming you're not being overly needy) or put everyone else in line ahead of you. After all, you're the person he plans to spend the rest of his life with. You don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone who takes your time and company for granted.

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