How to Know When You Have a Crush - PairedLife - Relationships
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How to Know When You Have a Crush

FlourishAnyway is an Industrial/Organizational psychologist committed to uplifting and educating others to be reach their full potential.

Learn what a crush is and how to tell when you have one.

Learn what a crush is and how to tell when you have one.

Signs of a Crush

So you think you have a crush? We've all been there. A crush involves romantic liking, although the interpersonal attraction may or may not be lasting or reciprocal. Call it infatuation, but a crush feels all-consuming like you've been swept up in a whirlwind of nervous giddiness. You might mistake this intense, feel-good attraction towards someone you barely know as "love," but pump your brakes. It's too early to call it that. A crush can also involve emerging romantic feelings for a friend.

People signal their attraction and interest in a variety of ways, including by telegraphing visual, verbal, and attentional cues. While you may think you're being low-key about displaying your feelings, you're more transparent than you think. (Ask your friends if they notice whether you behave differently around your crush.)

Learn how to recognize the signs of a crush in yourself as well as others. Then if and when you're ready, you can consider how to tell your crush that you like them so you can move your relationship forward to the next step.

Got a giddy, nervous, excited feeling when you're around someone special?  Do you daydream about them and want to be near them all the time? Do you look their way a lot?  Someone's crushing hard. Admit it.

Got a giddy, nervous, excited feeling when you're around someone special? Do you daydream about them and want to be near them all the time? Do you look their way a lot? Someone's crushing hard. Admit it.

12 Signs You Have a Crush:

When my daughter was a ninth-grader on the high school cross country team, she noticed that during team training runs a cute guy on the team kept slowing down or speeding up his pace to trying to talk to her. She didn't know why so she'd run faster to get away from him. (Awkward! That was years ago, but we still chuckle about it.) How do you know the signs of a crush unless someone explains it? I'm here to help.

  1. You typically start the conversation and are reluctant to end it.
  2. You get unusally nervous or embarrassed about talking to them.
  3. You smile a LOT at them, often shooting them a big goofy grin.
  4. You find yourself gazing or staring at them.
  5. You offer them compliments and small gifts.
  6. You find yourself daydreaming about them frequently.
  7. None of their love interests are good enough for them, in your opinion.
  8. You don't seem to notice other potential love matches.
  9. You listen intently to your crush.
  10. You remember details about them that others do not.
  11. You always seem to be near your crush.
  12. Other people (e.g., your friends and theirs) notice that you have a crush on the person.

Visual Cues

Some cues that you have a crush are plain to see. These can include eye contact, smiling, nervousness, and always seeming to being around them. Frequent and direct eye contact is a common indicator. Eye contact should usually be just long enough to take in another person's gaze but not so long that it would be considered rude or gawking. (Scientists have found that eye-to-eye contact becomes creepy when it exceeds 3.2 seconds.)1

Additionally, when you have a crush you automatically "smile to the eyes" instead of giving insincere half-smiles. You can't avoid sporting a big goofy grin when you see or talk to your crush. Finally, you're motivated to frequently be around the one you're attracted to, even though having a secret heartthrob is an anxiety-creating situation. You might get tongue-tied and have a hard time thinking of something to say. Just talking to friends about your crush can sometimes prompt unease, especially if they're are teasing you.

Verbal Cues

Verbal cues can also signal you have a crush. You mention details about your crush that others overlook, and you pay your crush compliments. You initiate conversations with him or her and linger, hesitant to allow those interactions to end. Other examples of verbal cues include running through crazy "what-if" scenarios or referencing a shared future.

Attention & Focus Cues

You've probably recognized that your crush takes up a significant amount of your attention. They become a big focus. You spend alone time daydreaming about them, and when you're talking to them, you try to sit as close as you can, generally face-to-face in conversation. You lean in so as to fully absorb every morsel of information they have to offer. You don't mind being away from your phone and you don't notice other potential dating partners. It's like you two are the only people in the room.

Others are bound to take note when you are displaying so many signs of attraction, including your crush. It's important, however, to also pay attention to how your crush is responding to your displays of interest in them.

If you're daydreaming about the same person -- reliving conversations, thinking about what they might be doing, and fantasizing about them -- you totally have a crush.

If you're daydreaming about the same person -- reliving conversations, thinking about what they might be doing, and fantasizing about them -- you totally have a crush.

Evaluating Your Crush's Interest

Now that you know you have a crush, evaluate how the object of your affection is reacting to your romantic interest. Try some fun, playful flirting and assess whether the attraction seems mutual. (If at any point they turn you down, honor their refusal, obviously.) Do they return your smile and eye contact, move in closer, seem eager to talk with you or do they instead seem less interested and make excuses to get going? Look for the pattern. You might also ask for their phone and social media contact info, but don't let this replace in-person communications. Their eagerness to communicate with you and depth of engagement should tell you whether they're into you.

Sources

1Melinda Wenner Moyer. "Eye Contact: How Long Is Too Long?" Scientific American, 1 Jan. 2016, www.scientificamerican.com/article/eye-contact-how-long-is-too-long/.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2019 FlourishAnyway

Comments

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on March 09, 2020:

Caitlin - I appreciate the kudos.

Caitlin Goodwin from Walt Disney World, FL on March 09, 2020:

This is so spot on!

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on February 13, 2020:

Peggy - I get a lot of questions from them about crushes and what to do. Thank for reading!

Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on February 11, 2020:

Your article will be of particular interest to younger people. It has been many years (many decades, actually) since I have experienced the feeling of having a crush. Ha!

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on February 11, 2020:

Mose Adam Truett - Well, thanks so much. Have a great day.

Mose Adam Truett on February 10, 2020:

This is the third time I am reading this hub and yet it still is as interesting as new. Once again nice article.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on February 09, 2020:

Umesh - Thanks for reading along.

Umesh Chandra Bhatt from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on February 09, 2020:

Very interesting and enjoyable piece of work by the author.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on December 21, 2019:

Christopher - People have crushes on singers and movie stars all the time, but it's better to base your feelings, hopes, and dreams on real life.

Christopher Nowak BFA MLIS on December 20, 2019:

Is it ok to have a crush on somebody that you don't and will never know?

I have a full list if this is appropriate.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on December 02, 2019:

Abbie - I appreciate your comment and wish you much happiness.

Abbie on December 02, 2019:

thank you for the info on my crush I did not know I like him.

Mose Adam Truett on November 28, 2019:

That's so thoughtful of you.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on November 27, 2019:

Moses Killman - Thanks. You must remember what it's like to be a young person with these questions. I have had this question from readers so much that I decided to write an article about it to address their concerns and questions.

Mose Adam Truett on November 26, 2019:

Nice article. I enjoyed it. It made me laugh for some reason.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on November 15, 2019:

Patricia - You had me chuckling. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Patricia Scott from North Central Florida on November 15, 2019:

Been there and done that. I am sure that I checked off all ten on your list. It has been many years since I had a crush but I have crystal clear memories of those days. Thanks for sharing. Angels are headed your way this evening. ps

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on November 12, 2019:

Linda - I appreciate your stopping by!

Linda Crampton from British Columbia, Canada on November 11, 2019:

You've shared some interesting and useful information, Flourish. I expect it will be greatly appreciated by some young readers.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on November 11, 2019:

Iqra - Thank you for reading and commenting. I have a number of young readers who ask about this information.

Iqra from Pakistan on November 11, 2019:

reminds me of having a crush on someone - that Crush makes you feel very crazy - makes you feel excited - makes you feel worried ....

interesting read!

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on November 11, 2019:

Linda - You could write the book then!

Linda Lum from Washington State, USA on November 11, 2019:

Ohmygoodness am I out of the loop. Mr. Carb and I have been together for over 40 years. I guess you could say that I (still) have a crush on him.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on November 11, 2019:

Dora - Some of the questions from young people are quite interesting. For example, one planned to tell their crush they liked them in a very public way by pointing to them in the audience after singing a song on stage. If I can prevent such a misstep with pointers that's a good thing.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on November 11, 2019:

Shannon - When my daughter was a high school freshman she was on the cross country team. There was a guy (who is a good friend of hers now) who kept slowing down to keep pace with her, trying to talk with her. She didn't know why he was doing that so every time he tried to meet her pace, she ran faster to get away from him. I had to clue her in that he probably had a crush on her and just wanted to get to know her. They were both in a special engineering program so the awkwardness kinda fit. We laugh about it now.

Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on November 10, 2019:

Thanks for the information, not because I'm having crushes, but because I may know some young ones who do. Brings back memories, though. Good read!

Shannon Henry from Texas on November 10, 2019:

Oh gosh. It seems like nowadays the kids are crushing on each other younger and younger. I think my daughter had her first "crush" in 1st grade. Remember the days of holding hands on the playground? "Check Yes or No" style. LOL

She is only 12, but she wants me to go let her hang out with a boy (supposedly only a friend) in the park alone. My rule is that at least one adult must be present. Don't think she's gonna change my mind, either. LOL

But this particular article has Lila McCann's "Crush" song in my head:

It's just a crush I'm feeling

Walking on the ceiling

My whole world's upside down

It's just a crush I know it

Don't know where we're going but I like it where we are right now Too soon to be too much

I'm not ready to fall in love

It's just a crush, a crush

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on November 10, 2019:

Shannon - I hate those damn moving ads. I get a lot of questions related to this topic. Some of the questions are really sweet. Since my daughter is a little older now and understands crushes its fun to answer questions from young people who are still navigating their way. It's a complicated world out there. A lot of times they ask about dating people older than they are and I typically tell the younger ones not more than a grade or at most two. There's actually a formula for adults though on age differences among dating partners.

Shannon Henry from Texas on November 10, 2019:

This was interesting. Unfortunately, Maven or Google, whichever is responsible, decided to place a giant moving add in the middle of your article that covers up one of the middle capsules for me. But I can say that I remember those youthful days well. Unfortunately, I was foolish enough to eventually date my high school crush, who was a couple of grades ahead of me and a player that remained one even after high school.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on November 10, 2019:

Devika - When someone stares at you because they have a crush it's easy to think they're making fun of you or being odd, especially if one or both partners are new at flirting.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on November 10, 2019:

Pamela - Thank you. I am asked a lot of the same questions by young people, each with a slightly different scenario.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on November 10, 2019:

Eric - I've been telling my husband all week that I have a crush on him. At first he smiled, then he said "thanks," later he just nodded, now he just pretends he doesn't hear me.

Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on November 10, 2019:

A useful hub on ''How to Know When You Have a Crush,'' I overlooked many of these signs mentioned here I guess at that time it just didn't occur to me.

Pamela Oglesby from Sunny Florida on November 10, 2019:

It has been quite some time since I had a crush on anyone, but all of your conclusions seem to e right on target. This article is very interesting.

Eric Dierker from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A. on November 10, 2019:

A good and fun read. I had to think of my wife. In good times it kind of goes like this.

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on November 09, 2019:

John - You have me laughing. I knew you were confused about this. In all sincerity, I get a lot of questions from young people on the subject as a result of one of my playlist. There are some questions that I've answered so often that I just need to write two related articles to address their concerns specifically.

John Hansen from Queensland Australia on November 09, 2019:

this is an interesting article, Flourish. Now I know what signs to look for.