How to Get Over a Crush You See Every Day: 5 Effective Tips
Getting Over Crushes – A Problem of Inexperience
Ah, young love. Though we are susceptible to “crushes” at any age, when we’re youthfully inexperienced, we especially have a tendency to latch onto the idea of being with a specific person. We look at them every day and let fantasies about them play in our heads. We romanticize them and view them as overly perfect, our brain filtering out all their flaws.
If only we could be with this person! Our life would be complete if only they would pay us some attention, we think to ourselves. We build such a beautiful image of them, that it’s hard to see past that mental wall and notice the human that is underneath, so lots of times we’re too intimidated to tell them how we feel.
Other times, they reject us. This certainly sucks. It’s even worse when it’s a crush that we see every day, because it can get awkward fast.
When you’ve built up all that courage to tell them how you feel and they act dismissive, of course it’s going to hurt. Either way, though, you have to find a way to get over this, or else you may find yourself stuck. You don’t want to dwell on just one person too much—especially if they don’t love you back—because it can make it harder to find someone who actually will be compatible with you.
So here are a few ways to get over your crush, whether they rejected you, or whether you’ve just given up on trying to get with them because they are already taken or they’ve joined the monkhood or something like that:
1) Ask Them Out Anyway, Then Date Them
If you’re standing around, making excuses for why they’re “out of your league,” then you need to at least try, or else you’ll have a much harder time getting over it. Unless you met them at work and your job has a zero tolerance policy on fraternization, what do you have to lose?
Maybe they’re with someone else and you don’t want to be a home-wrecker. This is a valid concern. Keep an eye out for any signs of a breakup, and if they’re single again, swoop in after a few weeks.
Regardless of how you approach it, if they are responsive and they agree to start dating you, then you have succeeded in a major step! If you can date them for awhile, or even get into a relationship with them, you will actually get to know their real selves (hopefully), and not the image that you built up in your mind. This will give you a huge advantage.
Once that perfect image of them that you created comes crashing down and shatters into a million pieces, you might find that you don’t like them anymore. Nothing helps you get over a crush like actually dating someone and seeing how annoying they really are. Mission accomplished!
2) Become Friends With Them
Similar to the strategy above, if you can’t date them because they already have a significant other, or for some other reason, then strive to become friends with them. Don’t just be acquaintances—be close friends. You want to get as close as you can, so that you get to witness even all of their bad habits.
Often, what makes us insanely attracted to someone to the point where we have a persistent “crush,” is the whole mystery of who they are. We see a few things that we really like, so we’re extremely curious about the rest. We fill in the holes of our knowledge with imagined things, and usually those things are way more idealistic than the reality.
However, once you’ve heard your crush blowing a loud trumpet into the toilet bowl a few times, or seen them picking their nose and wiping it under the driver’s seat of their car, then your feelings will probably start to wane a little. At the very least, if you still like the person, then you’ll know that it’s a more mature infatuation instead of the fantasy world of a crush.
3) Find Someone Else to Fawn Over
You could say that you don’t need anyone else to get over someone, and this is true. In theory, you really don’t need a rebound, and in fact it’s usually better not to have one. However, it’s also true that it’s often much easier to get over a persistent crush on someone if you meet someone that you like better.
Your crush may seem like the only person in the world at first, but the truth is that there are plenty of attractive people out there. Even if your crush is “special,” there’s no use dwelling over it if you can’t be with them. More than one person can be special in your life. If you’ve never felt so strongly about anyone, then you’re probably a bit inexperienced, so you’ll just have to take my word for it: You crush may seem amazing now, but one day you will probably ask yourself why you even liked them.
Pick someone that actually shows an interest in you and start dating. Soon enough, you’ll forget about your crush. Try to avoid longing for someone else while you’re with your new lover, too—this could sabotage the relationship.
4) Find Something More Important Than Your Crush
Get a hobby. Start volunteering. Write a novel. Find out what (not who) you think is most important in life and start to pursue it. Many times we fixate and obsess over people because we are unfulfilled in other areas of our lives. Address this first. Let something else take up your idle hours so that you don’t have time to give any attention to your crush.
5) Get Experience
Trying to get over someone that you see every day can be rough in the moment, but if you zoom out to look at the bigger picture, you’ll realize that it’s actually part of a bigger problem. If you are crushing on people that you can’t be with and those feelings are so disruptive that you have to “get over” them, then your love life is probably made up mostly of a fantasy world.
You are too inexperienced. Your romances exist in your mind. You may not even realize that this is the case. Some people go through decades of their life, not realizing that they had never really experienced mutual love with someone in the real world, because they were too preoccupied with the idealistic “what if” in their mind. They were too lost in the internal world that was full of crushes and perfect people.
Real love is far from perfect. Real lovers are flawed and human. Sometimes they are impatient, or rude, or even “uncool” and unattractive. Your love for them will wax and wane like the moon, even if your relationship lasts for years.
If you find yourself bouncing from crush to crush, and nothing ever actually happens for you, then it’s time to get some real-life experience. Get on a dating site. Try contacting a matchmaker (really). Join a local club or organization where people share your interests and connect with someone.
The point is that you’re going to want to bombard yourself with real-world experience. Have you ever noticed how older people don’t usually fall into that “puppy love” infatuation and have obsessive crushes on people the way that young people do? It’s not because they’re crusty and old and don’t believe in love (most of the time, anyway), it’s because they normally have more experience when it comes to romance.
They already know that love isn’t always a bowl full of cherries—nor is it the miraculous answer to every problem that we face in life or every void that we feel in ourselves. It also doesn’t have to be a source of constant suffering and pain. Basically, it doesn’t have to be so extreme.
So perhaps the best thing that you can do if you have a crush that you see every day that you just can’t seem to let go of, is to ask an older, more experienced person what they think. They will probably have a few words to put the situation into perspective for you.
Is your crush the most perfect person in the whole wide world?
© 2017 Jorge Vamos