How to Become More Attractive for Dating Success

Updated on January 10, 2018
cagejmadison profile image

Cage J Madison is an indie author with a diploma in psychology and experience in confidence, gender issues, and fitness.

When it comes to attracting the opposite sex, it is fairly easy to do when you have the right information. If you are someone who responds well to emotions, touch, and body language than it will be a breeze for you. Being able to pick up the different types of signs or hints people give off will always give you the upper hand when it comes to finding a potential partner who is interested in you.

However, what most people don’t understand is that when it comes to attracting the opposite sex there is more involved than just knowing the signals, the displayed emotions, and how to touch someone. The attraction begins with a clear understanding of what being attractive actually means. So in this report, I’m going to give you the information to some of the important aspects you need in order to become more attractive for dating success.

So let’s begin with first understanding the concept of attraction.

The Concept of Attraction

Attraction determines whether or not you will get a date
Attraction determines whether or not you will get a date

Attraction determines whether or not you will get a date. That’s the raw bone of the matter. But don’t start freaking out if you are considering you’re not attractive enough to get a date. The good news is that people are more attracted to personality (especially women) than they are in looks. Of course, don’t get me wrong here, looks do play a vital part in attracting the opposite sex, but in all social experiments involving attraction and seduction, it has been proven that if you have the right personality traits, the opposite sex will still be attracted to you despite not being a Brad Pitt or someone like that.

If you’ve used the most common excuses such as not rich or famous when it comes to attracting the opposite sex, then right now you need to start realising that they are only excuses. While some of the opposite sex are most certainly attracted to the rich and famous, I cannot stress enough that personality still wins out. If you have the confidence and even the humour that the person you’re trying to attract likes, then you’ll win every time. Regardless of the size of your…ummm bank account.

Want to know the even better news? All the things I’m about to share with you in this report can be learned. This means that by cultivating the type of personality the opposite sex is attracted too, you can actually make yourself more attractive.

If you’re right now denying what I’ve just told you or perhaps even thinking you shouldn’t have to change for a woman (or a man) to be attracted to you and that she or he should just like you for who you are, then it’s time for you to wake up and take a big sniff of reality. No matter what you believe or how many social updates you’ve read stating that you should never change for another person, the truth is all of us has to change throughout our lifetime. In fact, we have two choices in life:

  1. Either we let life mold us into the person society wants us to be, or
  2. We embrace the change needed in order to benefit us

Having said that, however, you must also remember that attraction is not a choice. It’s not like a woman is going to notice you, size you up, and then decide she’s going to be attracted to you because you have a good job, you’re dependent and possibly stable. Life is not a Disney movie, okay, and it simply just does not work like that.

Attraction is actually quite biological and this means that if a woman (or man) is not attracted to you after a first date, buddy there is little you can do to change this. You will never be anything more than a friend to her (or him). Sure you can waste your time and money buying them gifts or taking them to many different restaurants, but this is not going to suddenly make her (or him )develop an attraction for you.

If you are currently in this type of situation, my best advice for you is to just simply move on. You’ll be better off for it.

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How to Become More Attractive to Women

One of the main problems with men when it comes to attracting the opposite sex is that they tend to try too hard at getting the woman’s approval
One of the main problems with men when it comes to attracting the opposite sex is that they tend to try too hard at getting the woman’s approval

Let me ask you a quick question. As a man, when you find yourself around an attractive woman, do you feel you need to gain their attention?

One of the main problems with men when it comes to attracting the opposite sex is that they tend to try too hard at getting the woman’s approval. This can result in men acting too nice, always being well-mannered and so on. The problem with this is that it places her in the position of having to be the leader. I’m going to tell you a very important thing when it comes to a woman sparking attraction for you:

Women Prefer a Man to Lead the Date!

Women are attracted to strong and confident and decisive men. That's not to say the woman is weak and unable to lead, so never go into the attraction game thinking this way. A strong, confident and decisive man shows leadership in many different ways.

The best way for a man to lead is to show you have vision and that you are prepared to achieve that vision at any cost. A man who leads is a man who listens, who is available, who is organized, and who is willing to work as part of a team with his partner. I'm not referring to a man who is constantly holding his partner by the hand, or leading them around on a chain.

Another great trait of a leader, and sparking attraction in a woman is to not need her approval, and you must also show her this as well. How do you do this? Well, the trick is to make her work for your attention rather than you doing all to work. This may sound a bit nasty or you might be thinking it will make her lose interest but trust me what you are really doing is causing an unbalance within her. In other words, you are stirring her emotions like no other man has ever done. Her normal cool and standoffish approach to men will simply become unhinged because you are doing something that most men don’t do. You are far from the ordinary and it will be hard for her not to be at least curious about you.

If you’re not always trying to appear like you need her approval, then you are going to display a lot of confidence to her. And confidence is a very attractive trait in both women and men. The more confident you act in any situation, the more attractive you will appear.

Warning: There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Despite the fact that to a certain degree arrogance may be appealing, you must always remember too much of it will make you come across as a complete jerk.

Excuses, Excuses

As I mentioned earlier, most of us use excuses when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. When men fail with a woman they always have an excuse. But it is important that you realise that those excuses are only in your head. The manner in which you think is usually the main reason why you fail with women. Thoughts have a major impact on our behaviour.

As an example, let’s say you’ve just met a woman but you think you will never have a chance at talking to her. By thinking this way you are aligning your actions with your thoughts. Immediately you will begin giving off a fearful vibe and this in return will cause you to not even try to approach her.

The more confident you are in yourself and in your abilities, the easier it will be for you to charm and attract a woman. Remember, the stronger you appear, the more attractive you will be. We basically imagine all these so-called shortcomings and because they are so deeply ingrained in our minds, we don’t even realise we have them. However, they are there and they most certainly stop us from acting as the strong and confident men we were born to be.

So what’s the best way to overcome this problem? Well, first it takes a little soul searching. No don’t get all huffy, I’m not going to rant on about some new age gimmick. What I mean by soul-searching is that you have to identify what excuse (or excuses) has been holding you back for so long so then you can deal with it. After which, you need to start educating yourself about women and what they want in order to become familiar with what sparks those feelings of attraction. When you begin to understand what women want, you then begin to project an impression of strength that women will find absolutely irresistible.

Here’s a bit of a hint to keep in mind:

Every woman has a little girl inside.”

All women long to be protected and cared for and it is that little girl inside of her that will have the final word on who she becomes attracted to. By learning to understand the little girl and speaking to her, you begin to show her that you are in control of every aspect of your life. This is what women want. A man who is in control, not of her but of themselves. This will certainly cause a woman to be attracted to you like a moth to a flame. (Author’s Note: Sorry about the little chestnut there)

You have to accept the fact that it is within your power to become more attractive to women and that you can improve. Time to forget the excuses that have been bestowed upon you and it’s time to stop the self-pity. Start to understand that if you can make a woman feel good about herself and her surroundings then you are going to win. In fact, by forgetting those excuses that have held you back for so long, you will have a much better chance with her than the stud with the personality of a wet towel.

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The Nice Guy/Bad Boy Dispute

‘The Bad Boys always get the girl!’

Oh, how many times have we heard that statement? One of the biggest gripes a nice guy has with the bad boy is that he does always get the girl. But why is this so? Simply because while the nice guy is trying to get her approval by wining and dining her (basically doing anything to kiss her backside and not upset her), the bad boy really couldn’t give a damn what she thinks about him, or what anyone thinks about him for that matter.

Bad boys give off the impression of danger and strength that women are, believe it or not, attracted to because bad boys simply don’t care what other’s think. They are the clear example of men who are in control.

As I’ve pointed out countless times already in this report, women love men who are strong and confident. Many bad boys project these traits and this is why women fall head over heels for them. But, there remains a problem. Some of these guys, in the long run, turn out to be abusive jerks. I’ve heard many women say that despite this abusive nature of some of them, they have a problem giving them up and they love the bad boy.

Then, on the other hand, you have the nice guy who is pretty much seen as being dishonest in a woman’s eyes because they tend to put their own needs and wants aside just to please the woman. Women are very good at picking up on the slightest of things, so immediately they will think the guy is being nice just to get into her pants or that he isn’t at all comfortable with who he is. So he becomes either a weak man or a manipulator and no woman in her right mind can ever be attracted to this type of man.

Bad boys give off the impression of danger and strength
Bad boys give off the impression of danger and strength

As a life coach for men, I have tried hard to bring my theory of what I call the Superior Man philosophy to the attention of men. Basically, my theory revolves around combining the best of both worlds – projecting the same bad boy strength without the abusive or controlling nature while maintaining traits found in the nice guy. Essentially what you end up with is the perfect man. This starts with the belief that you can and are willing to build your confidence.

Women are attracted and will remain attracted to a man who can make her feel good when she is with him or thinking about him
Women are attracted and will remain attracted to a man who can make her feel good when she is with him or thinking about him

The Irresistible Traits of a Superior Man

The traits I’m going to share with you in this section of the article are qualities I’ve spent a lot of time studying and researching for my own philosophy. These personality traits can be easily cultivated with a bit of work, and the best part is that women find them simply irresistible.

Women are attracted and will remain attracted to a man who can make her feel good when she is with him or thinking about him. This is why your personality is more important than your looks because it is the asset you will use to make women feel good.

How to Impress Women

Here Are a Few of Those Traits:

  • A Sense of Humor: A woman loves a man with a good sense of humor. The more a man can make her laugh, the more she will want to spend time with him.
  • Intelligence: A man who is intelligent will easily attract a woman to him, especially if you know how to use that intelligence to get her emotions flowing with surprises and engagement.
  • Educated: If you are well educated you will hold a very powerful weapon. Women love to hear stories about people and places. Education allows you to have a topic to talk about and if it is an interesting subject, you will engage her rather than bore the living daylights out of her like most men tend to do.
  • Dominance: Yes, women are attracted to dominant men, even if they don’t realise it or admit to it. Women are biologically hardwired to seek out the alpha male who will protect her. The more dominate this man is, the greater chance he will have of protecting her. However, be careful you don’t step into the same path as many men seem to do when it comes to being dominant. By this I mean do not become controlling. When it comes to being dominant, I’m referring to being central (or grounded) in every situation in your life and not controlling of her and trying to take away her individuality.
  • Thoughtfulness: Being a thoughtful man will always be an attractive trait to women. When you give a woman a gift, you must understand that their joy and happiness isn’t because of the gift itself. It is because the giving of the gift is proof that you were thinking of them. The same is said for a simple text message. The text itself is only a symbol. You show her that you were thinking about her when you sent the message and that makes her feel good. This even works if you are texting her to tell her you weren’t happy that she was talking to another guy. (Author’s Note: Becoming jealous over a woman talking to another guy is a trait of what I call the Inferior Man and must be stamped out along with all those excuses)
  • Noticing the Details: Want to really impress a woman? Then learn how to notice details. A woman will spend a lot of time making sure they look good, so if she has changed her hair, remember it wasn’t by accident. That tight dress she’s wearing wasn’t because the wardrobe fell on her either, bro! She is trying to impress you and so if you notice the details she will be impressed that you noticed.
  • Aggression: This might seem a bit of a wild card but women do actually like a man who is aggressive. However, by aggressive, I do not mean in the sense that you won’t take no for an answer. There’s another word for that carry-on, and it’s called date rape. Men who are aggressive are those who know what they want in life and go after it at any cost. They take no prisoners and make no excuse.
  • Confidence: Here’s another trait I have mentioned a lot throughout this article. Women love a confident man and even a man who is a little cocky. Again, I advise you not to confuse cockiness with arrogance. It takes the right attitude of confidence combined with humor to come off the right kind of cocky. For more information on building confidence, check out the article Become More Confident for Dating Success.

Talking About Your Appearance

Although it is true that woman are more attracted to personality rather than looks, this should not mean that you let yourself go and start looking like a caveman. You still need to present yourself well because the golden rule of the thumb to remember is that women make a lot of decisions based on very small details. However, overdoing your appearance can make a woman think that you spend too much time in front of the mirror and she won’t want to date someone who is more interested in himself than in her.

Getting the right balance can be a little tricky but as long you do the basics like look after yourself (e.g. losing that beer gut), you will soon find women becoming attracted to you.

If you truly want to get a chance to date any girl you want then it is a must that you get your act together, forget the beer after work and head to the gym. And stop whining that you could never gain muscle or get fit because you lack the motivation. More excuses, my friend. No one will expect you to be a muscle-bound stud, but you can get in shape that will help you find more success with women and also be healthier to enjoy life.

The Biggest Turn Off: Insecurity

The one thing that will always render a man completely unattractive to any woman is insecurity. It is also one of the biggest obstacles men face. Nothing will turn a woman off more than an insecure guy and the scary thing about this hindrance is that women can actually detect insecurity and neediness a mile away.

Insecurity in a man comes across when he doesn’t feel comfortable with who he is or in certain situations. A man like this might try to appear confident, but it is clear to any woman that it is only an act he’s putting on because he is trying to gain her approval.

Insecurity in a man comes across when he doesn’t feel comfortable with who he is or in certain situations
Insecurity in a man comes across when he doesn’t feel comfortable with who he is or in certain situations

A few examples of insecure behaviour include:

  1. Letting others make decisions
  2. Arguing about everything
  3. Being too touchy-feely

Why You Should Change

You know, it’s not a law that you have to change if you don’t want to. I’m not forcing you to change and neither is anyone else. But in all honesty, if you want to be able to succeed at the dating game then it is certainly worth the effort. We do not live in a perfect world and if you actually want a woman to like you for who you are right now then, my friend, you are going to hit a rather big wall.

Women are approached by many men that they are constantly making quick, snappy decisions about them, e.g. whether or not the man standing in front of her is worth her time. They will judge the type of person you are based on the image you are presenting.

Changing yourself to become more attractive is also a matter of self-respect. If you are not willing to make the changes to succeed in the dating game, would you be willing to make them for yourself? If not, I have to ask you if you seriously have so little respect for yourself that you feel you’re not worth improving?

I advise hitting the books and learning about what’s going on in, not only the dating world but also the world around you. Have a shower every day (I’m still often shocked when I discover many men don’t bother with showering every day, whether they are single, in a long-term relationship or married) and use the freaking soap! Get groomed or groom yourself. Hit the gym and before you know it you will discover your confidence skyrocketing. This is how you become more attractive to the opposite sex.

© 2018 Cage J Madison

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    • cagejmadison profile image
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      Cage J Madison 4 months ago from Australia

      Hello LimeyFeline,

      Thank you for your recent comment.

      In all honesty I understand where you’re coming from when you say you’re a bit confused about where I say women don’t like to lead. Please first allow me to say that this was in no way an attack on women or equality. I believe there should be more equality in the world between the genders and I’m constantly working with men on this subject, guiding my clients towards understanding this better.

      When it comes to being a leader (as in a relationship) I believe there are many traits that should be evident. When I say “a strong man will never allow a woman to become the leader in any part of their relationship” ideally I mean he must be a man who has a vision and is prepared to achieve that vision. A man who leads is a man who listens, who is available, who is organized, and who is willing to work as part of a team with his partner. I'm not referring to a man who is constantly holding his partner by the hand, or leading them around on a chain. If this article was written for women to become more attractive to men I would have also said the same thing: “a strong woman will never allow a man to become the leader…” because I am a huge believer in that equality. Perhaps I need to reword that section to make this point clearer. I do appreciate you bringing this to my attention though. Thank you.

      In regards to you saying that I might “be addressing a certain demographic” I can only say no I am not. As a certified performance coach for men (certified in confidence building and leadership skills) everything I’ve written in this article has been tried and proven to work. I would never write anything that I haven’t tried and push it onto people. I have helped many men resolve their relationship and life issues by working closely with them and using the same techniques found in this article, with very good results. This is why I have written this article because I have seen it work first hand.

      However, this article is about attracting the opposite sex, therefore I am referring to men who are currently dating and looking for a potential partner. The article is directed at stealing away the scarcity mindset many men have when it comes to meeting/approaching women. I’m simply trying to show men that they can do it if they have the right mindset…without using lame pick up lines because it all comes from how you present yourself.

      I hope this has cleared up some of your concerns with this article, however, I’m well aware I can’t clear up all of the problems you might have with what I have written here. Every one is different and we all have different opinions and views on matters like this. So sitting here trying to explain why I said certain things in this article would in fact result in much more confusion I do believe. And there is enough confusion in the world already *insert cheeky smile here*

      All the best and thank you again for your comment.

      ~CJM

    • LimeyFeline profile image

      LimeyFeline 4 months ago

      I'm a bit confused about the points in your article where you say women don't like to lead and women long to be protected. You might be addressing a certain demographic here that doesn't apply to many people. Most of my female friends, and I too for that matter, would definitely shy away from men that you are describing in this article. Of course, there are many women who would enjoy the company of such men, but a great number would not.

      That being said, I think many of the traits you describe are positive, such as being educated, confident, and having a sense of humor. I would also add that having values similar to the potential partner you are pursuing is also a plus!

      Good communication is key to be able to attract a potential partner. For example, before we were married I communicated to him that I definitely do like to lead, and that I don't feel the need to be protected. I made it clear I did not want a marriage proposal, and that if he and I BOTH felt it was time to move our relationship to the next level (whether it be getting married, moving in together, or getting a dog), we would sit down and have a conversation about it. And this is exactly how we made the decision to get married. There was no proposal, nothing fancy or cheesily romantic, just the way I had dreamed since I was a little girl.

    • cagejmadison profile image
      Author

      Cage J Madison 4 months ago from Australia

      Thank you for your comment dashingscorpio, very insightful. You have made some very good points in your comment. Much appreciated.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 4 months ago

      "...you must also remember that attraction is not a choice. "

      That's very true! People like what (they) like!

      Some men aren't attracted to overweight women.

      Some women aren't attracted to men shorter than them.

      The only difference between "shallow" and "preference" is whether or not one is accepted or rejected because of them.

      Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Each of us has our mate selection process/must haves list.

      Each of us has our boundaries and "deal breakers".

      No matter what you look like or how you behave not (everyone) is going to like you or find you attractive! That's life!

      Most people prefer someone who is healthy, has good personal hygiene, a nice smile, a great sense of humor, intelligent, and is physically fit. Nevertheless we all know people who we do not consider to be attractive and yet they have a mate or spouse!

      {Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.}

      Be yourself and let the chips fall where they may.

      In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: NEXT!

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