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How to Ask a Man Out

Andrea writes on various topics from dating, couples, astrology, weddings, interior design, and gardens. She studied film and writing.

Don't think too hard. Asking out a man should be as simple as reciting the alphabet.

Don't think too hard. Asking out a man should be as simple as reciting the alphabet.

How to Ask a Guy Out on a Date

Anyone, male or female, can be the one to ask for a date. Sure, some of us like to get the other person to take the initiative. But others just want to cut to the chase. This guide is for women who want to ask men out on a date, but this could also apply to other dating setups.

It literally doesn't matter who is asking who out. Just make sure they're not taken or you might get slapped.

Timing is Everything

First things first: Don’t make a big deal out of it. You might not even realize you are asking someone out. Maybe you just want to grab some coffee, have someone to go rock climbing with you, or maybe you ask someone to go to the laundry mat to keep you company and you just happen to get sushi later.

You may be saying, no... that's hanging out.

Well, I think it can be a lot easier to get the ball rolling by first hanging out with each other one on one, and often this turns into dating or a relationship. Just the very act of hanging out can give you an idea of whether or not there is chemistry.

But be warned: Just because you are hanging out with someone doesn't mean you are on a date. If you want it to be a date you need to communicate that, consider what kind of date you want it to be, and what activities are what you consider date-worthy.

Dating is all about perception. What may be dating according to one person isn't the same for another. This is why communication is so important. This is why getting out there and saying you would like to try going on a date can help clear up the mud.

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Tell them you would like to test the waters and see if you can be more than friends.

If you're getting the right vibes, go ahead and ask the person you like if they'd like to go on a date.

If you're getting the right vibes, go ahead and ask the person you like if they'd like to go on a date.

How to Ask a Guy Out

  1. It's all about timing. You may want to flirt with this person a little bit to get a feel for what is happening. Do they reciprocate when you touch them? Do they laugh at your jokes? Check to see and make sure there is a vibe before you ask someone out on a date.
  2. Know their interests. The goal is to make an offer they can't refuse. If they absolutely want to see a certain movie, if they love a certain musical act, if they have to see that certain basketball game—keep that in mind, and know that if you can figure out what are their interests, then you can figure out the right date request.
  3. Look good. Make sure you are well dressed, look sharp, and have confidence when you ask someone out. This shouldn't be something that makes you feel out of control or hopeless. When you ask someone out it should be natural, conversational, and you should seem cool, calm, and collected. Don't make a big deal out of it. If you have crazy emotions, keep them to yourself, so you don't scare the new date. You can touch on how you feel about them emotionally later. (At least in most cases.)
  4. Text them a picture of something you would like to go to, a picture of concert tickets, a picture of a wedding invitation. This is pretty painless and makes the request clear. Leave a comment that says, does this look fun? Would you like to go with me as my date?
  5. Choose wisely. Don't invite them to something that doesn't fit their personality or would be pushing the boundaries. Family reunions are kind of odd, something scandalous could give the wrong vibe or come off intimidating.
  6. Simple is good. People understand and can jive with the most general date of all: dinner and a movie. Ask them what kind of food they like and ask them what kind of movie they would like to see.
  7. Don't make a big deal about it. Take rejection well if they are uninterested. Sometimes people change their minds about a person later, so staying positive and confident is in your best interest.
  8. Don't be generic. Have some creativity. Again, you want to make an offer they can't refuse. Find your inner wit and come up with something original in a text message. Sometimes it is best to build toward asking someone out in a series of texts. Keep the conversation light and enjoyable, and then drop in how you could actually continue the conversation in person... because your fingers are getting tired of typing.
  9. Do your homework ahead of time. Are they single? Are they looking for someone? Do they have other things they need to focus on right now?
  10. Give them time to respond. Give them a moment to process your request. They need a moment to come up with a reply. Don't comment on their reaction.

More Tips for What to Do When You Ask Someone Out

  • Make sure you lay off the fragrance. Don't pour an entire bottle of perfume on yourself and don't spend so much time on your makeup that you look like a beauty pageant contestant.
  • Stay cool. Stay to the basics: smile, maintain eye contact, and make it seem like any ole' normal day. Don't start crying, scratching yourself uncontrollably, or falling over your words. You're not ready if you are that nervous. Work on the nerves.
  • Find out what he likes. If you are asking a guy out, you may want to find out whether he likes to take initiative. Some guys can get confused by a woman asking them out, and they may have been considering doing it before you. If he is a gentleman he isn't going to stress about this. He'll likely be relieved that it is finally happening one way or another. Guys like women who can take initiative and can communicate. But make sure he also initiates and can communicate—he is not your doormat.
  • Choose the time carefully. Brunch dates can be some of the best dates. When you go for the first date, don't make it a whole adventure. Keep it to a few hours and make sure to have fun. If it isn't fun, if you're not enjoying yourself, and you're not feeling a connection, then don't keep going on dates.
  • Be ready for rejection. If you’ve known each other for a long time, you may want to do more pre-planning. If you’ve been friends for several years, it could be overwhelming for your friend to realize you’re interested in them. Reassure them that it’s okay if they don’t feel the same, and you are interested in keeping the friendship. Friendships are important and often friendships turn romantic, so don’t be upset if you are considered a friend. That’s a great place to be! And sometimes it is what people need more than a relationship.

Asking out Someone You Just Met

You’ll need to get their name, phone number, or other contact information. Before leaving the bar, the club, or the wedding reception — ask them if it is okay if you can continue talking to them after the party.

Compliment them, smile, and check to see if they already have a partner.

Don’t be too stressed out if the next day you text them and they don’t respond. It can be difficult to tell from a first impression if it will go somewhere. They may not be able to keep up a connection like you had wanted or other priorities get in the way.

© 2017 Andrea Lawrence

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