Fresh perspective on dating issues compiled in consultation with friends in North America, Australia and African nations.
How to Make a Guy Fall in Love With You
Do you want to make a man fall in love with you forever? You might be asking this question because you like a guy a lot, and you are looking forward to him feeling the same for you.
He's the man of your dreams, and you adore him. You want him by your side right now, but unfortunately, you still don't have him. You're willing to do whatever it takes for him to chase you, like you, be attracted to you, and fall madly in love with you—but it seems like a huge undertaking.
In this article, you will learn some of the basic (and not so basic) things that you can do to attract a man and make him fall in love with you.
1. Don't Lose Hope
Don't lose hope. If you want a guy to fall in love with you, you have to be hopeful at all times. Losing hope can be a disease not only in trying to win the heart of a man but also in all things that we do in our day-to-day life.
Hope for the best, but don't lose sight of reality. When pursuing a man and wanting him to fall in love with you, there are definitely two likely outcomes, which are:
- He also falls in love with you
- He rejects your advances
When pursuing the love of a man, it's important to be hopeful and stay positive. (We all appear more attractive and appealing when we give off good, positive vibes.) But don't hang all your hopes on getting the result you dream about. He has feelings just like you do, and none of us really have control over our hearts!
He might be interested in you as much as you are interested in him. Be motivated by that hope, and take steps to find out if it is the case. You won't know until you make an effort to catch him. However, you should also prepare for any eventuality and outcome. If this man's not the one for you, there will be another man on your horizon. So don't lose hope!
2. Be Yourself
Be yourself when trying to make a man fall in love with you. It is important to be yourself and not someone else when it comes to personality and character. If you are pretending to be different from your true self when trying to make a guy like you, you are not doing yourself any favors.
By trying not to be yourself, you are clearly indicating or suggesting that you are not comfortable with yourself. Many guys will easily notice this shortcoming in you and quickly become disinterested.
You might be able to keep the façade up for a few weeks, months, or even years. But sooner or later, you'll grow tired of hiding your true personality, and he'll get tired of trying to figure out who you really are, what you really like, and when you are actually being sincere.
- If you have a high-powered job, don't play dumb yourself down.
- If you hate high heels, don't wear stilettos.
- Your dog hogs the front seat of your car and sleeps in your bed? The two of you had better talk about that.
- Do you have children? That's definitely worth mentioning upfront.
The best relationship is a long relationship. When a man falls madly in love with you, you want that love to last, so be yourself right from the start.
3. Be Aware of Your Appearance
Don't let your appearance let you down. Your appearance can make you win or lose when it comes to dating. To please a man and make him get interested in you, you should be presentable. Be aware of what you are wearing, whether or not your hair is clean, and if you are dressed appropriately.
Of course, you want to look sexy for the man you want to fall in love with you, but sex appeal doesn't necessarily mean body-hugging clothing and lots of cleavage. Jeans and a t-shirt with wind-blown hair can be just as sexy as a manicured look in a formal outfit, in the right circumstances. The key? Feel confident, comfortable, and good about yourself.
Ways to Help You Look and Feel Your Best
- Choose your clothing and your style to match the occasion.
- Choose clothing that works for the occasion but that makes you feel comfortable.
- Do your best to look as good as you can, no matter where you are going. You never know when you might unexpectedly bump into the man of your dreams, whether it's the one you're actively pursuing or not!
So, before you race out the door to buy the missing ingredient for your quiet dinner at home on your lonesome, change that grubby shirt!
4. Listen, Don't Just Talk!
When you want to please and make a man fall for you, it is important that you listen. Don't just talk. If you chatter incessantly when you are nervous, find some other way to cope with your nerves.
Many girls make the mistake of talking more than they listen when they are around a potential male partner. Girls aren't the only ones, of course. Many men do the same thing. But this is a big mistake that can easily cost you getting the man of your dreams.
Even a man who is generally not talkative will definitely have something to say. Everyone likes to be 'heard.' If you keep talking and talking all the time without giving him the chance to express himself, he's likely to be disappointed. Making it hard for him to get a word in could lower your chances of him falling in love with you.
5. Show Confidence
Liking yourself makes it easy for him to like you too. You're a good person with very special qualities. Be confident that you are worthy of being loved!
Confidence is key. Sure, some women seem to make a career out of catching men by playing the victim or the helpless female.
Without confidence, you risk being left behind. If you want a guy to like you, you need to have a sense of confidence in yourself that will ultimately make you approach him without fearing or sensing any danger.
6. Smile and Laugh
When you are working on ways to make a guy fall in love with you, it is essential to smile and laugh. Don't present an unfriendly face. Be as outgoing, friendly, and social as you feel comfortable being.
Guys generally like girls with a sense of humor who can make them feel good. Tell him enjoyable stories, and don't be afraid to laugh. Remember not to go overboard and look like a comedian. It is great to have a partner who is enjoyable and outgoing, but very few people like the idea of living with a comedian.
7. You Have to Give, Not Just Take
You have to give, and not just take, to increase your chances of him falling in love with you. A man can easily differentiate between a girl who wants something from him and one who cares for him.
There are certainly girls who are after money (gold diggers). Differentiate yourself from the typical gold digger and let him see you are interested in him for his love and not his money or any other material thing.
8. Let Him Put Some Extra Effort In
Let him also put some extra effort in. If you keep chasing after a man for months while he is going on with his activities, you'll most likely be seen as a desperate woman. Being available to him always is not really a good thing. Don't let him get bored.
Instead, allow him to make advances towards you. Many men enjoy the thrill of the 'chase.' Catch his eye and his attention, and then let him work a little to win you over. Let him notice how much he misses you when you are not around. As soon as he suspects he's falling in love with you, he will definitely do something to get you.
9. Get to Know (and Understand) What He Does
This is something that could dramatically increase your chances of winning his love. Take opportunities to get involved in things he does. Ask him whether he needs any help to accomplish a task. If he discovers that you are keenly interested in his plans, he will see that you care for him and that you could be a good partner.
10. Have Patience and Don’t Push Him Too Hard to Make Important Decisions
Patience will definitely pay off. Be patient and go slow when trying to make a man fall in love with you. Don’t expect him to fall in love or say yes to your advances instantly.
Many men will definitely need time to decide whether he is ready to enter into a relationship with you or not. If he likes you, he will make it obvious. But don’t ever push him to make a quick decision on whether he likes you or not.
11. Don't Be Possessive
Don’t be too possessive. Many women make the mistake of being too possessive of a man before he even admits his love to them. When this is the case, she may try to protect him from other women so that she remains the only woman in his life.
Possessiveness is not only unattractive but it can be extremely toxic and harmful to both you and your potential partner. This is a strategy that is doomed to fail. Allow him to decide on what is best for him. If you are the one for him, he will definitely fall in love with you.
12. Have Good Morals
Good morals are a necessity in convincing a man to love you. Nobody wants to get involved with someone who can't be trusted. Men like women who are disciplined and are not pushovers. Behave maturely towards him and be respectful of him, just as you expect him to be respectful towards you. Furthermore, have respect for yourself and your values; know who you are and what you stand for.
If you can be true to yourself and demonstrate all these types of qualities, your perfect match will definitely fall in love with you!
- How to Impress a Boy
How to impress a boy? This is a frequently asked question posed by many girls who are interested in a guy but want a way to get his attention easily and faster. While there is no rocket science involved, there are definitely many things you can do to
- 30 Signs That a Guy Doesn't Like You
What are some of the top signs that he doesn’t like you? Or how do you exactly tell if a guy likes or doesn’t like you for sure? What are sure signs and signals that will let you know if a guy is interested or not interested in you? There are definit
- How Do You Know If a Guy Likes You?
How do you know if a guy likes you or not? What are the signs that a guy likes you? Or how do you tell if he likes you or has a love interest in you? These are some of the many questions women and girls of different ages across the world ask and keep
Questions & Answers
Question: What should I do if the man I'm interested in ignores my messages, myself and everything about me?
Answer: If he is completely ignoring you, it looks like he’s just not interested. So don’t bother messaging him or chasing him anymore. The world is filled with nice guys, but you won’t notice any of them if you stay obsessed with that guy.
I suggest you forget about him and keep an open mind about meeting Mr. Right. There might already be some other guy who’d like to get to know you, but you’re not seeing him.
Question: He told me that he loves me. I love him too, but he doesn’t have time for me. He’s always with his friends. Do you think he loves me?
Answer: I don’t know if you’re both just kids or if you’re older. If you’re young, maybe he does really like you but doesn’t feel confident enough to walk away from his friends to spend time with a girl.
If you’re both older, there’s no real excuse for him to ignore you and just spend all his time with his friends. He’s selfish and not the kind of guy you want to commit to because I can’t imagine he’s ever going to change for you.
Either way, young or old, it doesn’t sound like he truly ‘loves’ you. So you have to decide whether or not you want to dump him and look for someone new. If you stick with him, expect to keep being disappointed.
Question: What if his baby’s mama is staying with him, but he’s not married to her, and we are in love with each other?
Answer: What if you were the mother of his baby and living with him, and he was telling another girl he loves her? That’s exactly what is likely to happen to you in the future.
For all you know, he may still be sleeping with her and she might believe they are actually a couple planning a future together with their child.
I suspect you are headed for heartbreak. If I was you, I’d step back and encourage him to work out what’s happening with his current relationship instead of trying to start a new relationship with you.
Question: I’m a guy and I’m very in love with a man. What should I do?
Answer: The first thing, I guess, is figure out whether or not he’s gay. If he isn’t gay he might not respond well to your advances. In which case, the fantasy is never likely to become a reality.
If he is gay, I think this is a conversation you should be having with someone who has the experience to share. Sorry, that’s not me.
Question: We are in a relationship but he is too shy to talk with me. We don't behave like other couples. What to do to make our relationship work?
Answer: You have a serious problem if he is too shy to talk with you. How will you ever communicate about all the important issues you are likely to face in a long-term relationship? I'm not sure what kind of a relationship you're in or how long you've been together, but if you can't convince him to trust you enough to open up and communicate with you, I genuinely believe you'd be better off with someone else. And I suspect he'd be happier if he waits until he finds a partner better suited to him. Either someone who is happy and comfortable with the silence or someone who has the unique qualities he needs to allow him to feel comfortable enough to be open and communicative.
I'm sure you see a lot of good qualities in the guy, but if you're envious of other couples, I think you need to find a new partner who allows you to be yourself and have all the noisy interactions and long conversations you crave. A successful relationship requires partners who are well suited to each other.
Question: Is it okay for me to call or text him even if he hasn't yet?
Answer: There’s no reason in this day and age that stops a girl from making the first contact.
Question: My husband recently fell in love with some other woman and he told me that I am a great friend, almost like a guardian to him. He loves my company but does not feel romantic towards me. What should I do to make him feel that for me?
Answer: If your husband has told you he's in love with another woman and spoken gently about loving your company but not feeling romantic towards you, it sounds like he genuinely respects you and cares for you. Many women are treated badly during a marriage breakdown. I believe you both deserve credit for having a respectful relationship. Obviously, there's a great history of caring between you both.
What can you do to make your husband feel romantic towards you, and fall back in love with you? I think that's a question you can answer much better than I can. You should remember the best times you had together. What made those times special? How were you both different to today? Can you recreate or revisit the way you used to be?
I suggest you talk with your husband, remind him of how wonderful things were between the two of you, and ask him if there's any chance you might be able to regain the spark. You loved each other enough to marry. You were passionate about each other. Tell him you don't want to just walk away from years of a beautiful relationship without making whatever effort is required to revive your love affair. Ask him if he'll please try with you.
You might be pleasantly surprised. Perhaps your husband misses the intimacy and romance you once shared and the other woman simply fills a role that's slipped from your lives. If the other woman has not yet won his heart, a passionate kiss might put you both back on track.
But you have to accept his heart might have moved on, sadly.
If he's genuinely fallen in love with her (instead of just falling into her arms or her bed), you're entering a new stage in your life. I hope you manage to protect the respectful relationship you appear to have if he becomes your ex. And I trust there will be another man who falls in love with you in the future, once you've had time to heal your broken heart.
But for now, I think it is worth having a real heart-to-heart with your husband about reigniting the intimacy and loving, if you're both willing to go there again and see if you can make it work.
Question: It seems like I'm in a relationship, but I'm not. We do everything a couple does, but he says he doesn't want a girlfriend. He treats me like one though. What should I do?
Answer: It sounds to me like he’s taking you for granted. Tell him you want a boyfriend, and if that’s not going to be him, you’ll have to look for someone else.
If he doesn’t want to step up, look for a guy who absolutely adores you. He’s out there somewhere and will make you feel so much more special.
Question: What should I do if my partner ignores me?
Answer: Get dressed up, smile, and try engaging him in an evening of fun, dinner, etc. If he’s still ignoring you, talk with him and tell him how you feel.
If there’s still no improvement, I think you should consider dumping him and finding a new, more attentive partner.
Question: A girl loves a guy, but she doesn’t know whether the boy loves her or not. The boy is also acting like he loves her. But there is a problem. Many people told the girl that the guy has a girlfriend. Now they are not talking to each other because they had a fight and the boy is not talking to the girl. So what can she do now to make him talk back? The boy said that he has no girlfriend. Is the boy honest or dishonest?
Answer: If lots of people are telling you the guy has a girlfriend, he probably has. Especially if he’s not talking with you after your fight. I don’t know the guy so I might be judging him wrong, but I’m guessing he knows he’s been caught.
For me the big issue would be the problem of him not talking. If he won’t communicate with you after your first fight and try to work things out, he doesn’t sound like a very good partner. I can’t imagine things getting any easier in the future so I don’t think you should bother with him.
Question: Why does this guy always want to be around me, hold me, always watch me and always want me to smile?
Answer: Why does he act like someone who likes you? I’m guessing ‘because he does’.
But if you’re not into him and think he’s a bit too keen and somewhat obsessed, you shouldn’t encourage him. Ask your friends and family to help come up with ways to put more distance between you and him.
Question: What should I do if the man I like is heart broken and can't get over the harmful memories of his ex? Meanwhile, he likes me and does not want me to go, but he keeps telling me he needs to get over the pain first.
Answer: I can't see any reason why a new girlfriend should have to listen to her man cry and complain about his ex. There's absolutely nothing romantic about him sharing his pain from his broken heart. That's a process he needs to go through alone, or with friends who don't have an emotional involvement.
I suggest you tell him you're sorry he's hurting, and that you hope he'll get in touch somectime in the future when he feels he has healed. 'If the time is right for both of us, maybe then we can see how things work out.' Then I think you should walk away and be open to getting to know other guys.
By the time he feels he has healed, you might have another boyfriend and no longer be interested in this guy. Or perhaps you'll be happy to go out with him. But it would be best with a fresh start. You don't want a guy who gets in the habit of crying on your shoulder about another girl. No, that's not a good place to start. Are you always supposed to feel sorry for him, and worry that you might be doing something that reminds him of his ex?
Leave the guy to get over his pain. You don't have to live through his grieving process.
Question: What makes a younger man like an older woman?
Answer: I suspect it has a lot to do with confidence and experience. An older woman has had time to discover what she likes and doesn’t like, and what she wants in a man. She’s generally more forthright than younger women, which saves time and can be a turn-on for some guys.
Question: What if he wants and likes me, but is not in love?
Answer: I’m sure there’s lots of people in long relationships with partners they don’t love, but that doesn’t sound at all attractive. Why settle for a partner who doesn’t love you?
Question: I like him. He likes me. What does that mean?
Answer: It means you like each other, but where that leads depends a lot on your age/s and marital status.
Two people liking each other is generally great news. Although sometimes it just means a whole heap of potential trouble. In which case, avoid the drama and walk away.
Question: I have a crush on a guy. We are always talking to each other. He says he really loves me, but he says he doesn't like marriage. What do I do to make him marry me?
Answer: When I have a crush on someone, it means I'm interested in them and want to get to know them better. When I love someone, it means I care about them and want them to be happy. I feel protective towards them and genuinely care. When I'm really 'in love' with someone, it becomes even more intense, and I can't stand the thought of living without them.
I had lots of crushes, quite a few people I loved, some I've been in love with ... but only one I ever wanted to marry. So I did. And we are very, very happy together in our marriage.
So in answer to your question, if you only have a crush on the guy, I don't believe you should want to marry him. You haven't said you love him and you haven't said you're in love with him so why would you want to marry the guy? And yes, I believe he could really love you without wanting to marry you.
I suggest you either keep enjoying the guy's company and wait and see if you fall in love with each other and someday discover you're both so in love you want to marry, or find another guy.
Question: I always see this man staring or glancing at me from a distance. He is always there around me and even my groups when we are chatting. My friends also noticed it. But the thing is, he doesn't seem that friendly or interested when we two talked in person. Why is this?
Answer: I’d be a bit concerned about a man who is always around but doesn’t want to be noticed or involved in conversations.
I suggest you and your friends take a few photos of him then ask around to see if anyone knows who he is and anything about him. He might turn out to be a guy you want to avoid actively.
Question: I have a man who lives with his child’s mother but he is planning to get engaged to me and marry. He is planning to move in with me. His child’s mother is always cursing him. What must I do?
Answer: You must give serious thought to whether you could be really happy with this man. If you are just caught up in the moment without there being genuine love, I’d be inclined to walk away.
He has a child and you must be prepared to make room for that child in his life, and yours. The child has a mother, and you can’t change that. So you’ll be entering a complicated relationship.
Some people are willing to accept the complications, but some aren’t. Make your decision now. If you think you’ll spend your life regretting it and fighting with your man about his ex and his child, don’t let him move in and don’t even consider marrying him. There’s plenty of other men in the world.
I think you’d have to really love him to get involved. And you must accept it is not fair to have a ‘competition’ with his child for attention. Kids need their fathers and both you and your man should remember that.
Question: Why is it that when we were friends, we were close but when he proposed and I accepted we are now distant from each other?
Answer: I’ve seen this happen and it always disappoints me. I’ve had arguments with some of my friends about this very thing. Here’s what I think has happened ...
When you were his friend or his girlfriend it was easy to tell his guy friends he was going to meet you and spend time with you. Now that you’re engaged and soon to be his wife, I suspect it is that whole ‘ball and chain’ rubbish some guys rave on about. Suddenly his friends might be encouraging him to not race to see you ... and may be talking about him being ‘under your thumb’. So he starts becoming distant.
For other guys, once they are engaged or married they start taking the girl for granted. They just don’t try to make her happy any more because they’ve ‘won’ her already.
Either way, if that’s what’s happening to you I believe you should see it as a warning sign of what to expect in the future. Tell him you agreed to marry a man who treated you well and he doesn’t seem to be that man any more. If he can’t be the man you fell in love with, why would you marry him?
I’m sure you’re looking forward to a magical wedding day and you’ve probably told all your friends and family you’re getting married, but it would be easier to end the relationship now than after you’re married.
If you raise the issue with him, he might see what a big mistake he’s making and change his attitude, returning to how things were. But if you’re not convinced, and fear your future together will be like this, I think you should seriously consider walking away.
When you marry, you want to truly believe you can be ‘happy ever after’. Sadly, it doesn’t sound like that with this guy.
Question: I like a boy but he doesn’t like me, and another boy likes me but I don’t like him. What should I do?
Answer: I think you should sit back and wait for the perfect guy to show up. We’ve all been in the same position you’re in now at some time in our lives.
Maybe the guy you like will feel the same way about you in the future. Maybe the guy you currently don’t like will do something endearing that makes you warm to him. Or maybe a completely different guy will show up in your life and be a perfect match for you.
I think you should just be patient. Now isn’t the right time for you, but times change, and your turn is coming.
Question: I cheated on my boyfriend. I told him the truth, and that I'm sorry and asked him to forgive me. He forgave me, but he still doesn’t trust me. I love him, and I don't want to lose him. I want him to trust me again. He thinks I'm talking with another guy, but I will never cheat on him again because I love him so much. What should I do? How can I prove to him that he's wrong and that I really love him?
Answer: If you cheated on your boyfriend and he said he forgives you, it sounds like he must love you. But I understand why he doesn’t trust you. He didn’t think you’d cheat on him before, so how can he be certain it won’t happen again?
Trust is the foundation of any good relationship. We need to be able to trust our partner with our money, our secrets, and lots of other things including our love, our hearts.
You can’t blame the guy for feeling burned. And while I appreciate the difficult position you now find yourself in and I know you genuinely want to prove to him you’ve changed, I’m not sure you can ever heal that kind of hurt. Poor guy, poor you.
I think you have to prepare yourself for the inevitable end of this relationship. You love him, but I doubt either of you could be happy together forever with such a big mistake behind you. That kind of fear in his heart is not likely to go away. And you’re going to get pretty sick of it if you’re still trying to convince him you can be trusted in five or ten years time.
Think about that. You’ll know you’ve changed, but he’ll probably still be frightened it might happen again. I suggest that you seriously consider learning from this experience and moving on. Never make the same mistake in future relationships.
You’ve loved this guy and you’ll love again. I have no doubt you’ll both shed a lot of tears and feel heartbroken for a while, but in the long term, I’m sure you’ll both be happier if you start fresh with new partners who you can trust and who trust you.
If you cheated on him, obviously something wasn’t right between you two. I think you’ll discover that when you find Mr. Right that you simply will never even consider cheating on him. True love is worth protecting. Once you find it, you won’t risk losing it.
Question: My friend likes this guy. I also like him, but she doesn't know. This guy shows no interest in her, but he likes to look at me. Every time I look at him, he is looking at me. What does this mean for my friend and me?
Answer: I don’t know how old you are, but I’m guessing you’re at school. And I’m guessing you and your friend are generally together. Which means every time you look at him and he’s looking in your direction, he’s probably looking in her direction too. So if she was to turn and look at him, she could think the same thing.
I think you should ask yourself if you’re willing to risk your friendship at this stage in your life. School romances rarely last long. If you’re sure he has no interest in her, there’s no danger of them getting together and leaving you behind.
I hope you have other friends who will stand by you if you really like the guy and you’re willing to risk upsetting your friend.
Question: My boyfriend and I chat a lot by phone, but he doesn't want to spend time with me, and I'm always complaining about it. What should I do?
Answer: If you want to spend time with your boyfriend but he's not in a position to give you the time you need (or simply doesn't want to), that's a problem.
But to me, the even bigger problem is that you are getting in the habit of 'always complaining' to your boyfriend. If you're not getting what you think you need from a relationship, I suggest you walk away and find a new boyfriend.
Just make sure you don't continue that habit of complaining to every guy you ever date. We all like to enjoy talking and spending time with our partners, and one who complains all the time is not much fun to be around.
Question: He is my classmate, but one girl always talks to him and likes him and I also like him, but we don't talk and we just see each other. How can I start our friendship and then move to a relationship and fall in love madly?
Answer: Let's think about this for a minute. The other girl who likes your classmate always talks to him, but you don't. So he's getting to know her and feels comfortable around her while you're just watching them from a distance. If you want to start a friendship with him, you have to start talking with him.
Will a relationship develop and will you both fall madly in love? That's impossible to predict. But one thing is certain. You have no chance of a future together if you don't make an effort to get some conversations started.
Question: I have a friend who is ten and she likes a boy. What should she do?
Answer: I think your friend should wait until she’s a lot older than ten before worrying about boys and dating and all the complications that come with it.
She should be friends with him while waiting to see what kind of teenager he grows into. (and waiting for herself to grow into a more mature version of her as well.)
Question: I am married to a dead relationship. I have met the most amazing man but he wont commit because I'm married. What do I do?
Answer: You say he is amazing and he won’t commit because you’re married. You also say your relationship with your husband is “dead”. So it seems pretty clear that your best move would be to formally end your marriage and make room for the man you’re in love with to enter your life.
Divorce can be unpleasant and uncomfortable, but nowhere near as unpleasant as staying in a loveless marriage and losing the one who makes you happy and is ready to commit to you if you’re free.
Please treat your current husband with kindness and respect. You obviously cared for each other a great deal when you married. Don’t lose sight of that in your excitement to move on. Your husband deserves to be treated with respect.
Question: I was dating this guy, but them someone dared him to say he loves his ex (it's possible he still likes her). He tells me it was just a dare but after I broke up with him, he began to date his ex (the one who he said he loved). Does he really want to be with me still?
Answer: Sadly, I think the answer to that is pretty obvious. If he really wanted to be with you, he would be. Or at least he wouldn't be getting involved with his ex again with all the complications.
But most importantly, I don't think it makes any sense for you to even consider getting back with the guy. He's currently dating his ex after telling her he loves her while he was going out with you. Who cares if it was a dare? It was disrespectful to you. And he's back with her either way.
So I think you should file your experience with him in your 'life lessons' archive, and look for someone new.
Question: What should I do if the man I'm in love with gives mixed signals?
Answer: Ask him questions. Direct questions like "Why did you do that?" and "What does that mean?" You say you're in love with him so I guess you must already be in a relationship with him. In which case, it is only fair that you expect honest answers to figure out what's going on.
But if you simply have a crush on the guy (with the hope he might fall in love with you), the mixed messages suggest to me that he's not as interested as you'd like. Don't waste time thinking you're 'in love' with a guy if you're just thinking he's incredibly hot and you're dreaming about what might be.
I believe true love has a solid foundation based on mutual respect and caring. If he's sending mixed signals, I do not see evidence of the respect and caring elements. So I think you should probably leave that guy behind you and be ready for when you meet another guy who values you more.
You really should be asking the guy himself the questions, if you're close enough to have honest heart-to-heart talks.
Question: Why is he so awkward around me though he is a super active, friendly, party guy with everyone else? I see him staring at me a lot, but is it possible he dislikes me instead of being interested in me?
Answer: There’s only one thing to do if you want to find out, and that’s to start conversations with him. If he makes an effort to continue the conversation, he likes you. If he cuts you off and looks for an escape route, he doesn’t.
Either way, you’ll have your answer. And that will be better than not knowing.
Question: When we first dated he was madly in love with me but we broke up and then we got back together again, but now it seems like he doesn’t love me the way he did before and doesn't care about me. Why?
Answer: I think it is definitely possible to break up and then have a strong and committed relationship when the couple gets back together. But it only works if both partners feel heartbroken when they’re apart and genuinely feel as though they belong together.
If one of them just feels it is ‘easier’ than being single or gets back together out of ‘habit’, the relationship seems destined to fail.
Sometimes it is an issue of losing trust or respect (depending on the circumstances of the break up). Or perhaps the second time around just doesn’t feel as good or as fun as the first.
Sounds to me like you should bravely walk away and accept it isn’t working. No point staying in a relationship that’s only going to make you unhappy.
Question: Should I ask a guy out or wait for him to do it?
Answer: There's no reason why a girl can't ask a guy out. I'll give you the same advice I'd give to a guy, and that is to make it a smooth and easy part of a conversation. Don't make a big deal out of it because if you do, it can become awkward. Instead of asking 'Do you want to go out with me?' and forcing him to give a yes or no answer, make it easier for both of you.
Tell him you're planning to go somewhere or see some movie or you're trying to find someone to go ten-pin bowling with you ... and ask him if he'd like to come along. That's a much less difficult way for you to ask him out and give him the chance to say yes without feeling like it is an official 'date' (or say no without hurting your feelings too badly.)
After one or more of these casual get-togethers you'll know how you feel about each other. And after you've suggested the first one, he might suggest the next one.
Question: If a fat girl likes a handsome boy, what should she do?
Answer: She should simply be herself without being self-conscious or stressed. I'm not convinced that a person's body shape makes much difference if they have the right kind of personality. There's all kinds of different reasons why people carry extra weight. Maybe the girl might feel inspired to try and lose a little weight by changing her lifestyle choices, because that's probably going to help her feel more confident. Of course, if she doesn't have the kind of personality that clicks with the guy she likes, it probably won't make much difference to him ... but it always feels better to feel healthy so I think she should consider doing it anyway.
I also think she should not be put off by how handsome she thinks the boy is. He might not consider himself handsome at all. He might just consider himself to be Mr Average. If he does think he's really hot and loves himself, he's probably not much fun to be around anyway. In which case, she should concentrate on getting fit and energetic and ready for the next nice guy who comes along some time in the future.
Question: I like this guy and I think he likes me back. The only problem is we both are shy when it comes to these things. What should I do?
Answer: I think you should be brave together and talk, or be kind of silent together and don't talk much. But either way, you should make the effort to try to get together. It sounds like you're going to understand him and he's going to understand you much better than others might. The secret to success will be breaking the ice and allowing each other to be themselves without fear.
Here's a link to an article I wrote that might help you. https://discover.hubpages.com/relationships/MyShyn
Question: I am in a relationship with a famous person, and all girls are doing their best to have him. What should I do so I won’t lose him to another girl? What should I do so we can end up married?
Answer: It must be tough being in a relationship with a famous guy if all the girls are chasing him. I'm not famous, and I won't pretend I have any idea where your guy's head is at. But here's what I suggest you do.
I think you should talk to your guy and tell him how you feel. Ask him what he wants from you, and encourage him to be honest with you so you can both figure out if you're likely to have a future together.
I know lots of famous guys have long-lasting relationships with girlfriends who become wives. But at least as many (probably more) end up ditching their partners to take advantage of all the women chasing them.
Perhaps your boyfriend wants you to be by his side all the time (or nearly all the time). In which case, are you prepared to do that?
Or maybe he wants you to stay home and raise children while he travels. You'd have to ask yourself if you'd be happy doing that.
I think in your position, the big challenge will be trust. Maybe you trust him, but don't trust the women throwing themselves at him. You need to decide whether or not you have enough confidence in your guy to remain loyal to you.
If you don't, perhaps you should consider wishing him well and walking away. But if you're confident the two of you can work it out, then give it a go. I do think one thing you should ask him is to promise he will phone you and tell you if ever he meets another woman he wants to sleep with. So you both know your relationship is over before he comes home and lies to you.
Question: He told me he loved me. Then he said he wanted to be friends only. Then we stopped talking because of our finals. Now he says he's bored of me, so we talk much less.
I really like him and want him to give me attention like he used to. What should I do?
Answer: Here’s my honest answer. You might not like it, but I respect you enough to share what I believe is the best advice.
You and your guy have grown apart. It would be awkward and probably kind of humiliating trying to force him or trick him or guilt him into giving you attention like he used to. He no longer feels the way he did, so it is not going to work.
What should you do? Accept you’ve grown apart, and treasure what you once had. You’re very lucky! You know how it feels to be loved! So don’t ruin that precious memory for either of you.
Set your heart on being loved again. Not today or tomorrow probably, but sometime soon. Once you let go of the past, you’ll be ready for a bright, new future with an amazing new guy.
And who knows, perhaps in a few years when you and your guy have left study and exams behind you and created new, interesting lives, you might cross paths and fall in love all over again. Probably not very likely, but it will never happen if you don’t let him go without drama right now.
Question: I am in love with a guy, but he says he doesn’t know what love is, and he doesn’t think he will say it until he’s ready to fully commit to someone for the rest of his life. What do I do? How do I help him understand what love is?
Answer: From the small amount you've written here, I can tell your definition of 'love' is very different from his. I respect the guy for not saying 'I love you' until he's ready to fully commit to someone for the rest of his life. And I fully understand what he means when he says he doesn't know what love is.
In my youth, I can remember thinking I was in love, until years later when I really fell in love, and suddenly my previous relationships were exposed as pretty lame compared to the real thing. Yep, I think the guy you say you're in love with is pretty smart. When he's ready to commit to someone for the rest of his life, he'll be in love.
Forget about trying to 'help him understand what love is.' He already knows. He might not have experienced the feeling yet, but he knows what he's waiting for. More power to him.
If you want a boyfriend who tells you he loves you before he really knows you or feels confident you're really 'the one', I think you'd better look for another guy.
But if you really are in love with this guy, I think you're going to have to accept you can be boyfriend and girlfriend with lots of the trimmings and advantages of being in a relationship, without declaring undying love and planning a marriage. Yes, maybe he'll fall in love with you in time. But he's obviously a guy who won't be pushed. So you either stay with him and see if love grows between you, or you don't.
Question: I like this guy, and he flirts with me quite a bit. My friends told me that they think he likes me. He also flirts with another girl. What do I do?
Answer: Keep things in perspective. He has an interest in you, so if you like him, you could talk to him and get to know him better. If you're old enough to be dating, give him a chance to ask you out, or you could suggest you both go to a movie or a new coffee shop or whatever.
But if you're still young, like in your early teens, I suggest you step back and not chase a date. Just talk with him, laugh with him, become comfortable around each other. There's plenty of years ahead of you for the whole dating game.
Question: What should I do if he asked me on a date?
Answer: If he asks you on a date, you should be prepared with your answer. Yes or no? Don't say 'yes' just because he asks you. Lots of guys aren't worth going out with, so don't be one of those girls who can't say no. It is easier to not go on the first date than to start going out with someone you don't really like and then have to get yourself out of future date invitations.
Before deciding whether or not to date a guy, ask yourself a few questions:
- Do you like him?
- Do you trust him?
- Will he treat you with respect?
- Is he going to accept it if you don't want another date, without becoming some kind of creepy stalker?
- Are you mature enough to start dating?
You need to have the confidence to say 'no' if he tries to take you somewhere you don't want to go, wants you to use drugs or alcohol, or tries to put the hard word on you to get intimate with him.
If you're not ready to enjoy a date with a guy without fear he might try to pressure you into something you're not ready for, just say no. But if you really like him and you're old enough and mature enough to look after yourself, then say yes and go out and enjoy yourself.
Question: What should I do to make my ex -girlfriend fall in love with me all over again?
Answer: I have a few suggestions if you want to win your ex-girlfriend back. It is up to you to choose which are most relevant.
- Be romantic. Show her you love her.
- Be different. Prove to her you've changed your attitude towards her and won't take her for granted.
- Be faithful. Don't chase other girls or ignore her. She needs to know you value her presence in your life.
- Apologize. Something went wrong the last time, and you need to identify what that was and demonstrate you won't make the same mistakes.
- Be prepared to give her space and to move on if she's still not interested after you've tried your best to win her back.
Just because you want to renew your relationship doesn't mean she does. Sometimes you can win a girl back, but sometimes you have to accept a relationship is over. People grow apart, trust gets lost, and it might never be the way it was. But the earth keeps turning and broken hearts heal so don't get depressed if it doesn't come together the way you're hoping. Try your best and see what happens.
Question: He loves me and I also love him, but I don't want to be in a relationship yet. What can I do?
Answer: Tell him what you’re thinking, just like you told me. But be prepared to explain to him your reasons for not wanting to be in a relationship.
And give him some kind of timeline or event when you think you might be ready. For instance, a birthday or finishing school or whatever.
Question: He loves me and next year wants to get married. He has a son with his old girlfriend. I’m scared because he always tells me he has to take care of the son because of his mistake and the son is not well. What should I do?
Answer: You should sit down and think through the issues very carefully. I think your boyfriend sounds like a loving and honorable man who has a genuine commitment to doing the right thing by his son. I believe it is great that he faces up to his responsibilities. I guess that he'd be equally committed to you and any children you may have in the future. That's a good thing, isn't it?
I don't understand why you'd be scared. Unless you are the jealous type and don't like the thought of anyone else having your boyfriend's attention. If you can't feel warm and caring towards the son, there's no way you should be marrying the father. You'll make your life, the guy's life, and the son's life pretty miserable.
Don't marry the guy if you believe you'll be jealous of the son. In the long run, I think it would be better for all of you if you walk away now instead of waiting until your relationships become even more complicated.
© 2012 Daniel Long