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What to Do If You're in a Relationship, but Falling for Someone Else!

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I've been an online writer for 12 years. I'm a journalism major who also plays Irish music, trains dogs, and gives relationship advice.

You're in a relationship but you're in love with someone else...

You're in a relationship but you're in love with someone else...

Are You in Love With Someone Else?

Ouch. First of all, let me tell you that there is no way to resolve this situation without someone getting hurt. Either the person you're already dating is going to be hurt because you will probably either leave him or her or try to date for awhile.

Of course, the easy thing to do is not get into this situation in the first place. You're dating, that usually means you're "taken." You are "off the market" and not supposed to be looking for a new sweetie.

You Need to Be Honest

Easy, yes, but not always realistic. Or possible. Sometimes things just . . . happen, and you didn't mean to fall for him or her, but you did—now what?

Now you need to be honest. Totally honest. If you've fallen for this new person deep enough that you're planning to leave your sweetie, and if the new person feels the same way about you, you do your current boyfriend or girlfriend no favors by continuing the relationship. End it now and give your soon-to-be ex the gift of dignity. Being left for someone else is bad enough. Being lied to for months before being left for someone else is cruel and unnecessary. Don't do it. How would you like it if someone did that for you?

Sometimes People Project

However, if the feelings are one-sided, and you're the only one having them, you need to sit down and be honest with yourself. What is lacking in your current relationship that you've fallen for this other person? What needs, real or imagined, do you think this new interest can fill for you that your current sweetie can't? And are you absolutely, positively sure your boyfriend or girlfriend can't fill those needs? Have you asked?

Sometimes people project "the perfect lover" onto someone else because they've got a notion in their head that this other person will meet every single need—it's probably why people tend to get major crushes on movie and television stars. Well, let me tell you, even movie stars have bad days and get cranky and pouty and lose their temper because the garbage hasn't been taken out in a few days. And so does this new person you've fallen for.

What to Do if "Someone Else" Can't Meet Your Needs

And what are you going to do if this "someone else" can't meet your needs either? Fall for someone else while you're still dating him or her? Pretty soon word's going to get around, and no one is going to want to date you—because they've heard you'll leave them high and dry for greener pastures. Can't say I blame them, really.

Light crushes on total strangers or good friends are okay. It's human. After all, you're dating, but you're not dead! But when the feelings start to run deeper—even if it's only on your part—the best thing you can do for everyone concerned is to sit down and try to figure out why.

How you act once you figure it out is completely up to you.