I've been an online writer for 12 years. I'm a journalism major who also plays Irish music, trains dogs, and gives relationship advice.
Ouch. First of all, let me tell you that there is no way to resolve this situation without someone getting hurt. Either the person you're already dating is going to be hurt because you will probably either leave him or her or try to date for awhile.
Of course, the easy thing to do is not get into this situation in the first place. You're dating, that usually means you're "taken." You are "off the market" and not supposed to be looking for a new sweetie.
You Need to Be Honest.
Easy, yes, but not always realistic. Or possible. Sometimes things just...happen, and you didn't mean to fall for him or her, but you did and now what?
Now you need to be honest. Totally honest. If you've fallen for this new person deep enough that you're planning to leave your sweetie, and if the new person feels the same way about you, you do your current boyfriend or girlfriend no favors by continuing the relationship. End it now and give your soon-to-be ex the gift of dignity: being left for someone else is bad enough. Being lied to for months before being left for someone else is cruel and unnecessary. Don't do it. How would you like it if someone did that for you?
Sometimes People Project
However, if the feelings are one-sided, and you're the only one having them, you need to sit down and be honest with yourself. What is lacking in your current relationship that you've fallen for this other person? What needs, real or imagined, do you think this new interest can fill for you that your current sweetie can't? And are you absolutely, positively sure your boyfriend or girlfriend can't fill those needs? Have you asked?
Sometimes people project "the perfect lover" onto someone else because they've got a notion in their head that this other person will meet every single need—it's probably why people tend to get major crushes on movie and television stars. Well, let me tell you, even movie stars have bad days and get cranky and pouty and lose their temper because the garbage hasn't been taken out in a few days. And so does this new person you've fallen for.
What to Do if "Someone Else" Can't Meet Your Needs
And what are you going to do if this "someone else" can't meet your needs either? Fall for someone else while you're still dating him or her? Pretty soon word's going to get around, and no one is going to want to date you—because they've heard you'll leave them high and dry for greener pastures. Can't say I blame them, really.
Light crushes on total strangers or good friends are okay. It's human. After all, you're dating, but you're not dead! But when the feelings start to run deeper—even if it's only on your part—the best thing you can do for everyone concerned is to sit down and try to figure out why.
How you act once you figure it out is completely up to you.
eh.. on November 26, 2019:
I have a boyfriend, but I know he likes someone more than me. I don't know if I should confront him, or break him up so that he doesn't feel like he's taking on a responsibility dating me. Is it my fault... or his? Should I feel bad like, why am I never freaking good enough? .-. ;-;
sky parton on May 12, 2019:
I had a massive crush on this one guy lets call him A, after crushing on him for sometime we starting talking in and out of school we got really close and eventually he ended up asking me out while I sat on his bed with him, I was dating A for around 2 months and I thought I wasn't falling in love it took me another 1 month for my 'love' to settle in I thought it would be all fun and games and I mean A is amazing
he is everything a girl could want everything I could want. but then one night me and A went out late at night to meet A's best friends L and B me and B had some history we hooked up over summer A knew this but still wanted me and B to act civil it made me uncomfortable but A really wanted me to be there to meet L and have fun, we smoked and sat on the swings till they arrived, it was a long night of talking and smoking, I was happy but B and A where deep into conversation leaving me to talk to L, well L isn't the type of guy I would normally like but we hit it off so good, he was really crushing on this girl we knew but she was bad news I was telling him over and over again about how bad she was and that he could find someone way way better, we got really close A noticed and said ' don't kiss him S' I laughed but I knew I kinda wanted too. ever since that night ive thought about L and how I want L but I still really love A and deep down I know L would never betray A like that plus I don't think he likes me like that, L always says me and A are perfect for each other and that he wants a relationship like ours. little does L know I want him. I'm so stuck on what to do, I'm 16 and leaving school soon is it my last chance. I have no idea who to go to anymore is it wrong to keep this from A I love him and don't want to lose him but I also like L. I hate myself for it.
Aili Bender on December 10, 2018:
So I have a girlfriend (I'm a bisexual girl) and I randomly started liking this boy out of nowhere, I usually didn't like him that much he was just another person I knew, but then he left his clarinet on the bus, so i took it home for him on the weekend cuz it was a Friday. I randomly developed feelings I had no idea I felt for this boy. And in class (I have 2 classes with him) He looked at me and kinda smiled and i was like 'oh shit, now what' and he rides my bus too, so i see him every morning and after school and hen we dropped him off at the bus stop, we kinda just stared at each other until the bus drove away, and I don't know what to do
PLEASE HELP MEEEE!
help me on November 25, 2018:
I have a boyfriend and i met this guy at my office he has a girlfriend as well.I think i'm falling for him because of his sweet gestures and other things. Help what should i do. I also have no idea if this guy is just being sweet to me or he's just like that to girls
wanye rose on October 02, 2018:
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Anonymous on September 23, 2018:
I also feel bad now...my husband cheated on me but hasnt put the work in to fix the trust issues and alwayd working and then his relative came to stay with us and i caught feelings and my husband kept nagging me saying he knows im acting wierd altho i did not do anything i kept the feelings to myself so finally i jusy told him whats been lacking and that im sorry but i feel what i feel and we can try to work this out but hes giving me the cold shoulder .idk what to do
Alwayswrong on September 18, 2018:
Let’s start off by saying this is awkward for me to be asking for help online but . Here we go .. I met this guy at work . For months I had a crush on him and we never spoke I actually thought he wasn’t into me at all . Then one day out of the blue he asked me “want anything from wawa?” I work as security overnight at a hospital so I turn around and looked all in my office confused as to who he was talking to then he points at me and says yes I’m talking to you . So I said no thank you plus I’m broke . He said ok and . I said no he asked do you like coffee I said I do he says ok and left came back with a huge coffe for me and I was shocked . Weeks go by and we didn’t speak one day he walked past me and our eyes met . He smiled I blushed blah whatever. He asked “sweetheart what’s your name I keep walking by you and I still don’t know it “ so I told him he tells me his of course I already knew it though duh security lol. Then I yelled “hey” he comes back n I said you have a beautiful smile . He laughs and says I told myself I wouldn’t do this . Then asked for my number and I gave it to him . He has two kids by two different women and I have none . But love kids . Fast forward we talked EVERY SINGLE DAY ALL DAY. We spent a lot of time together I met his kids we had fun days at the park he met my family but I always thought it was fishy that I never went to his place I always thought it was cuz his kids lived with him and he just didn’t want me around them too much without knowing what this was . He kept saying he wanted to be friends . But telling me how much feelings he developed for me and how he can’t stop thinking about me or how he can hear my voice and feel my touch when I wasn’t with him and we did fuck we made love there was so many emotions such a strong connection it was crazy . For 6 months we been doing this playing “ relationship “” like we would get jealous of one of us spoke to another guy/girl and so on . Even though he kept saying he wanted to be only friends with me . But then he admitted he loved me and I felt amazing because I have felt the same but I kept trying to bottle up my feelings because although I wanted him to be my man ! My furniture husband ! The father to my kids . I also respected what he wanted . So today TODAY to be exact I finally tell him that I love him in person he smiles and says it back . Then says “I ain’t shit though sweetie and I’m definitely not worth it” I tell him I don’t understand why he talks so negative about himself and couldn’t understand why we couldn’t be together if we had all of the same feelings. It took him about 20mins to confess that he was NOT single when we first met . In fact he is STILL live if with his 2nd baby mom and that they have fucked within the onths we was talking but he says “both of us knows it’s over “ he says he doesn’t want her at all and that when we first met he didn’t expect to catch these feelings. Now I’m sitting here really crying because all I’ve ever dealt with was hurt break . Lemme tell you guys I’m half black and Hispanic I have a body “thick” girl big butt big boobs flat belly the whole nine yard. So a lot of the guys I dealt with only wanted one thing . And I never met anyone who actually wanted to get to know me . I’ve also been in a abusive physical relationship and for this man to listen to me and understand why I am the way I am was shocking I couldn’t believe rhT I found a man that actually wanted me . Not to change me or wanted sex but me my mind . So I’m so confused so so confused on how to feel now . 6months and you still live with this girl . He says he moving out but the trust is gone . Now all I can think about is when I tell him to get out he’s going home to her . He has been calling and texting but I’ve been ignoring. I honestly don’t know how to feel or what to do .. ANYONE HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR ME .. WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT?? Please I feel so stupid .....
Pop mark66 on September 15, 2018:
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Jessica on August 18, 2018:
So... Thia is a really weird thing for me asking for help online but im not sure what to do.
So im gay and i have a girlfriend. We've been together for just under a year but we already knew we liked eachother 3 years ago. Anyway so theres this other girl that i thought was really hot, shes a tomboy and ive always been into that...iet her first on social media years ago and i didnt really speak to her but over the years she always found me, she first found me in real life when i was actually on my first date with my girlfriend. Now about my girlfriend, she is a tomboy too but has recently become girly (not that i mind because she is beautiful all the time) im her first relationship and also the first person shes ever been okay with touching her, and by that i mean like hugging. She never let anyone hug her as she has really bad anxiety and im flattered that she trusted me enough to be physical with her. I know that she has bared her soul to me and everything shes been scared of she has shown to me and i have told her i love her either way. Its just....when i ask myself if i love her i dont know why i hesitate. I really want her in my life but i dont know if its because shes my first sexual partner ever or just because i know she wont be okay if i breakup with her.. .she really depends on me a lot and with me her depression and anxiety is much better. And i dont know why my my feelings are confused. With the other girl, i had a dream abput her last jight as if she was my girlfriend and now i just need someone to tell me how to handle this or tell me how to get over the other girl... I just cant hurt my girlfriend but i also dont want to feel like i dont have a choice in being in this relationship
Half of my heart on May 29, 2018:
This has happened to me and I really wish it had not. I am married, I have been faithful to my husband. I have never cheated(sex) on him. But now there's this guy half my age who came into my life and the first day I met him he asked me out to lunch one day and I said sure,why not. I knew I was married and faithful and I did not know many people in the area and was starting to feel like an introvert. So we went out one afternoon and just talked.We got back to the office and he kissed me. I was shocked, but for some reason I kissed him back.That started the series of events that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.We chatted all the time, We would text each other and send pics back and forth.Sexy pics but no full nudes.One day he didn't respond to one of my texts. I was horrified to realized I had feelings for him.But something happened. I took off my wedding band and I saw him and he grabbed my hand and said you're not wearing your ring. We were supposed to actually go on a "real"date that weekend but he blocked me in every way possible. So here I was , stuck with feelings for someone who could or would not even reply to me if I texted him. But yet here I am with these feelings. I love my husband because we have been together for 20 years.But this guy had half my heart too. I loved the feeling that I was still attractive to somone , especially someone 1/2 my age.I could not keep this from my husband and I told him what happened, and I told him that I was confused.I let him know what I was and was not getting from him.( he saw this guys social media page on my computer and I told him that he asked me to lunch, he said Thats sweet, but by the looks of his friends list he has a lot of hot girls and he was probably just being nice to me, this was 2 weeks before the kiss") So here I am with a heart split in 2 and now my husband is hurt too. We have been going down hill for years and I told him that if things don't change we will just need to cut out losses and move on with out each other.So take this as a warning or what ever. If you are thinking about someone else , there is a major red flag in your current situation and you need to figure it out quick .Because the one who will be left hurting is you
Confused on April 12, 2018:
It's comforting to know that I am not alone in this dilemma. I have a boyfriend of almost 10 yrs. We've been through a lot of ups and down, handled long distance relationship for the first 4 yrs of our relationship. He is very close to my family and I have nothing bad to say about him. In fact, he is wonderful and he has been consistently loving in our years together. We had a few break ups out of my immaturity but we still patched things up eventually. And then I have a friend, a girl friend who I have been really close to. We have a lot of common things and enjoyed being together. To me, she is very good friend, my closest friend in fact. But little did I know that she has feelings for me. When my boyfriend and I was having a rough time, she confessed her feelings for me. Our friendship is important to me but I did not see her that way. And I'm a Christian and I know that it should not be. So we continued as good friends but little by little I started seeing her differently. We can talk all day long about anything under the sun, something that my bf and I never have. Whenever I'm with her, I'm happy. That's the time I realized that I was falling for her. Before her, I have never looked at anyone else other than my Bf, even during our years in long distance relationship. I've always been distant and wary of guys but never in my wildest dream have I ever thought that I'd fall for a girl. I've just never had so deep connection with another person like I did with her. We get each other's jokes. We're so open to each other even if we've known each other for only a few years. I love being with her, I love seeing her smile or making her laugh. A day without her is bleak. She feels the same way. We're totally crazy for each other and I've never felt this way with my BF even when we were only starting out.
I tried to keep my distance from her and tried to push her away because I know that it's not right. But everytime, I fail. I can't keep her off my mind. I always remind myself that I don't want to hurt my BF. I know he loves me very much and he has always been there for me and my family. Everyone expect us to be together and I also want to have a child. I know he'll make a good father and husband someday. I love him but I am not in love with him. I care for him very much but I feel different kind of happiness when I am with her. I want him to stay in my life but not as my lifetime partner. I still can't help but think how it's gonna be if I choose her. And it hurts to think of letting her go. But I know that my family would be against the relationship and they would be hurt. Right now I am trying to renew my feelings for me and it's very hard. I have not the urge to say "I love you" to him and we have not had been intimate for several months now. He doesn't push me, he's always very understanding and it's killing me inside. He doesn't know that I have feelings for another but he tells me that I've changed. It makes me feel more guilty that I don't love him the way I used to. I wish it were that easy to change one's feelings. If only I can easily switch off my feelings for my friend. Things would be so much easier. My life was all planned out before her confessing her feelings for me, And I was contented and happy with my BF. I've always recognized the fact that I am very lucky to have found someone like him. But fate has different plans and rocked my comfortable and stable world.
Bubbles on February 15, 2018:
So, im kinda vibing with this one guy and ita been going on for like 2 months but it's not going anywhere, he's not asking me out or anything... So two days ago i was waiting for someone outside of the shops and this guy comes up to me and asks what school im in and everything... He's 2 yrs older than me... So he then took out his phone and aksked for my n.
Now we are talking everyday and hes flirting quite a lot and hea really sweet and a bonus is that he is really good looking..but now theres the guy im vibing with and idk what to do...
abby brittlny on February 10, 2018:
thank you for your advice now I know what to do. thank you again . big help
Dummy on October 12, 2017:
So... don't do it but if you do, do whatever you think will make you happy... that's just SUPER helpful
drunk on September 23, 2017:
i already liked someone(let's call him Jason) before i started dating my current boyfriend but now i'm falling deeper for Jason
Pain inside on September 08, 2017:
Im in the exact situation as confusedboy. We're going through the same exact thing. Do I take a chance in ending a very long relationship and jump into something else? I know I would loose my love but I don't wanna lie to him neither I'm so confused. People would just tell me the usual "it's not worth breaking up" but they don't know what a feel :'( I love my boyfriend but I'm not in love. Please help me im do lost.
Caroline on June 27, 2017:
I am in all the same situations. I have been with my boyfriend for just over 8 months and we have been somewhat in love for a while. He's always had an eye for me. But long before him, I had a crush on my brothers teammate. He was absolutely adorable and cute and funny, everything I would want in a guy (plus he plays baseball). And recently I have been hanging out with that same old crush since we are pretty close friends. He's the type of guy to "mess" with girls and go through them like it was nothing (typical f-boy type guy). He's always done that but I've recently gained feelings once again for him but I don't wanna hurt my boyfriend and break up with him for someone i'm not sure will date me yet if we end up that way. My boyfriend said "do what you want but don't make a mistake of losing what you have and end up with nothing". I agreed with him but the fact that the old crush I had, came back in to my life a lot more this summer, has put me on edge. I don't know what to do. I don't wanna break up what I have for something I don't know if I will get. I'm so confused and don't know what to do. Someone help me.
Annie on May 12, 2017:
Well, my current date is not really the dearest person to me. I actually date him because my parents think he is good for me. Apart from that there is nothing else holding me back from breaking things off with him.
About the guy I am crushing on currently, I knew him for like three years now (2.5 years longer than my boyfriend) and ever since I first saw him I felt attracted to him, but the real deal started recently when all of the sudden I have no longer been able to look at him and not feel butterflies in my belly, standing next to him without feeling how my body temperature rises (especially how my cheeks are burning), he makes me laugh, he is nice and I feel comfortable around him. We are so much alike, we have so many things in common and I simply cannot get him out of my head. He isn't drop dead gorgeous, but there is just something in him that is completely charming that I cannot resist.
I hate myself for feeling this was because I should be focusing on falling for my boyfriend and not my friend... Life's so complicated...
Ashley on April 09, 2017:
Ive been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half. There were a couple things we disagreed on, like politics. I had opinions and he didn't. We're very different people (he enjoys greek life and I'm miserable around his bigoted friends), and the sexual aspect of our relationship was lacking too. He had gained some weight, which makes sex evem more tiring and very frequently it would just stop. I can't count the times that I've offered sex and been refused either. But what sucks is that despite all that, i really love him. Like i still want a future one day. He's my best friend and his actions have demonstrated his dedication to me over and over again. He's worked so hard to be amazing, but neither one of us had a clue that I would connect so well with someone else. This is annoying because i love my boyfriend. I told him about my feelings as soon as I was sure, and he told me to follow my heart and get this out of my system essentially. We're pretty trusting in our relationship, and he figures I'll come back when I'm done. He's so good to me, I'll be surprised if anyone outperforms him.
Justin on April 07, 2017:
I've been in my relation for awhile now and have even bought a ring but about a year ago my high school crush also my best friend that is a girl bumped in to me and I remember having the most horrifying crush on her I never told how I felt I just sorta hoped she felt the same anyways she's back in my life and I still feel the same for her and I don't know what to do can anyone help
Kendall on March 09, 2017:
Wow this really helped me Thank You so much
Chloe on March 02, 2017:
I'm in the same way but it started really weird I was on Facebook and got a add from a guy who's my usual type and my current boyfriend well he's different to what I normally go for and he started messaging me (the new guy who added me ) saying he knew I was taken but I was to beautiful for my boyfriend and I began chatting to him which I wish I never did because after that I meet with this new guy 3 times but nothing happened we just hung out like we was mate but then other day he called me when he was high and admitted he missed me and called me his boo and now I'm really confused because I did break up with my current boyfriend for a week and then got nagged by the mum saying I let something good get away , the first week was fine I thought I did a good thing but then I basically meet up with my ex and took him back but I can't stop thinking about the other guy because I feel like he truly has my heart and I don't know what to do because I feel like the other guy likes me but might be a player but I don't know he could be genuine nice it's confusing but I have decided to try with my boyfriend but I just wish the other guy was laying next to me at night and that's not right
Zak on February 23, 2017:
I'm currently in gay relationship I meet this guy I'm with online and have been together for 2years
I also no this other guy for many years same age but both have strong feeling for each other and I really don't know what to do someone help me
Nancy on February 09, 2017:
So I'm dating this girl and I like her and I like being intimate with her but I still have romantic feelings for a guy who I've liked for a long time and who I think might be into me. But I'm not sure he would want to be as intimate (not sex) as she would. I want to be physical with someone, and I might just being using her but I don't want to let her down but if I break up with her and he doesn't like me or can't treat me the way I want to treat him, then I've lost a good thing. I have no idea what to do here. I feel it tearing myself apart and I just don't want to hurt anyone but I think I'm making the wrong choices.
Secrets on February 03, 2017:
I am very much struggling with the same situation, only I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend... but I'm dating someone else and we are getting very serious. I love my current boyfriend... I just don't love him the way I loved my ex...
I am really confused on what to do because I know that my boyfriend now is better for me in SO many ways, however I find myself tearing up when I remember the relationship I had with my ex...
Do I settle and do my best to provide love to my now partner or should I chose to let go and hope that I find the love I once had again... ?
Mckenna on January 30, 2017:
I am dating a guy that I really like, but there's someone who has been one of my friends since 5th grade and I feel like I am falling for him. What do I do?
Shane on April 01, 2015:
well this helped a lot thanks but I still don't know what to do Im pretty much in love with this girl but I have a gf and idk I feel wrong about having feelings for someone else
Ellie on July 17, 2014:
I am pretty young and thought I was the only person in this situation but obviously not.
I feel like I have feelings for another boy but I love my boyfriend so much. It is hard for everyone but I feel like nobody is helping me? I obviously love my boyfriend more, we have been together for 8 months and been on and off but I have made horrible mistakes but he still hasn't dumped me so he obviously has very strong feelings for me. I do adore him but this other boy is funny, cool, sweet, popular ( I don't like him for that but it is a good thing ) , fit and smaller than me but I have a thing for small people ;) He has told me he has feelings for me as well as his girlfriend but he obviously loves his girlfriend to bits if he is writing her name on his hand everyday. I do think I love him, I just don't want to leave my boyfriend as I love him dearly. But, I don't know what the future holds and it is my life! I don't know what to do anymore. Do I just try and get rid of those feelings but they just wont go away!?
We cant control our feelings but if we try we can push it. I am sleeping round his house ( the other boys - not my boyfriend ) tomorrow because of his younger sister who is in the year below me and he is going to be there. Do I talk to him? I need to think this through:(
Your stories are very interesting, thanks:) xo
Chronyc on July 04, 2014:
Like all of you, Im in a very confusing situation. I am with my current fiancé for little over a year, and we have a beautiful baby boy currently 5 months old. Well just recently one of my old childhood crushes came back into my life. im 25 now and I say good 8 years has past since we seen each other. We currently work together and flirt constantly. But I am a manager and she is an employee so we have to keep it to ourselves. Let me explain my situation in the current relationship. I feel as if this co-worker gives me more joy and happy ness, caring, compastion, affection, and most of all lust more then my current relationship which there is non in it. Me and my co-worker has already told each other our feelings and they only grow stronger every day we talk. I feel more happy when im around this other person, but im not one to break hearts and tell me current baby Momma I feel out of Love with her and falling for someone else, which I cant tell anyone if me and my co-worker do get together because it could ruin both our careers. Im just in dire need of help. I feel stuck in a cage with no help.
confusedboy on May 07, 2013:
So ive been with my gf for 5 years now, i love her and don't want to hurt her, but i feel like the love i feel for her is more as a friend now. I have for the past 3 months begun to develop feelings for another girl. Its messing with my head as i'm pretty sure this other girl does not feel the same but it makes me question wether i'm truly happy with my current gf. The relationship has been on somewhat of a downward spiral the past year since she moved in with me. Previously we lived 2 hours away from each other whilst we were at University. I just don't know what i want. Wondering if anyone who has been in a similar situation has any advice.
confusedgirl89 on April 15, 2013:
i have a problem im 23 nearly 24 ive been with my boyfriend since i was 19 so over 4 year , he is great we are both chefs and he was my first love i didnt have any serious boyfriends before him its hard to find guys like my bf we were very happy i was a bit wild when we got together partying and living it up then i got my head down and got my head down at work, i wanted to move to london to work as a chef i got a job and he said he would find one to and come with me he went for one interview didnt get it give up and never came , so after 6months alone down there i came home this is where our relationship went down hill, i got a job back home about a hour drive from my folks , and we went back to normal we have never had a hoilday together everytime i ask he has something what gets in the way its hard u know, so ive always sort of did my own thing and he does his we live together now and i want to move and explore the world as a chef and have a story u know but he doesnt he has no get up and go , i love him he is amazing and worseships me but i would have to stop my dreams and shut up and live there the rest of my life he would be happy im not i cant help it and its killing me but i dont want to hurt him, this is where the other guy comes in hes a guy i have worked with for 2year never loooked at anybody the way i look at my boyfriend and all of a sudden we where having phone calls and going out for coffee chatting about life he broke up with his gf he wasnt happy and i told him i wasnt i shouldnt of i have moved out of my bf to figure stuff out but i never seen this coming but i feel like everything happens for a reason last year i was in a dark place i wasnt happy now i feel confused but lifted i do have feelings for this guy but nothing but good friends because i dont want to hurt my bf but if we did break up i could see him in another way...
Aisla from Norway on February 21, 2013:
IML flirting and talking on the phone is not the same as a loving close relationship. In writing you can formulate words to your own advantage and on the phone you can certainly put on your best behavior.
This all sounds so needy and you are infatuated by someone who is manipulating you to leave your girlfriend. This person is asking you to drop everything and move to her hometown without having met you, doesn't this send out warning signals to you? This is not reality and certainly not love, once she gets you wrapped around her little finger she will dump you and do the same to you too. This other person does not care about anyones feelings other than her own, she doesn't even care if your girlfriend gets hurt.
Has it ever crossed your mind that you may be arguing more because you are holding back? At this point I think you need to sit down and look at your own moral standards too.
Your girlfriend may be reaching out to you and feeling your distance, she may be scared and suspicious and you are repaying her with dishonesty and disrespect, there is little wonder you are arguing. You my friend are the cause of these arguments, waken up before it is too late. Your girlfriend deserves an apology and a reason for your behavior and you need to grow up and ask yourself why you are hanging onto your current relationship. To be honest, the way that you have behaving makes me think that you deserve to move with the distant home wrecker I am sure you will find peace in each others company , especially when you start to wonder who she is texting and flirting with!! ( and vice versa )
When you make up your mind to move your current girlfriend will be hurt by your actions and lies. But no matter what she needs to know about your infidelity and that will hurt anyway. Living a lie will never make this relationship stronger, it needs to start again to have any chance of survival. Just be glad that you do not have any kids yet because when one parent messes up it affects them too. When your current girlfriend finds out how long you have been having this emotional affair she will feel that she has been made a fool of and she will feel heartbroken at having trusted someone like you. Are you really a nice person?
You asked for opinions and this is mine I hope you find peace but right now you don't deserve it!
IML on February 12, 2013:
So here is my problem I have known this girl for over 5+ years we have never dated only talked on the phone I have never met her But I Love her deeply.Now I do currently have a girlfriend and we are arguing more than we should so I start talking to my friend more and more texting calling and than it came to the point of me telling her I LOVE HER!!!OMG I havent even told my current girlfriend that!She wants me to drop everything and move where she is!What do I do!I have loved the distant lover for years and Now she is back into my life and I have someone I am so confused!!!!
EHIS on January 26, 2013:
well done! my problems are gone My woman came back last night, i thought it's a joke she came to say good bye to me ,then i waited ,suddenly i saw preparing food,bed and hide under branket, i couldn't believe any thing i see, i decide to sleep at the gouge to see what happens next ,only see her come and slow her self on me start kissing and then i realize you are the true healer, its now 2 weeks since she came home ,but doc my sex life has gone down i don't know why , i want to come and order for that medicine. i will phone you later today! i appreciate your services, be there for us please. thanks you to email@example.com,
nikki on January 08, 2013:
I have a similar situation, I have been dating my boyfriend for about 2 years, I am 22 years old now he is 25 in 2 months. We instantly fell for one another, it was one of those situations where we automatically an item. I fell in love with him fast and I know he loves me more than anything else in the world. He tells me all the time he couldn't do it without me and he would not survive without me. He brags about me to his friends and family whom all love me. For almost two years, I felt the same way. I never doubted that we would just be together forever and that I completely loved him. We rarely fight. If I said jump he would say “how high?”He would do anything I said and completely trusts me. We recently moved in together as well, about 4 months ago, which was a huge step for me.
So here is what happened: He got a new job in august that requires travel, sometimes very suddenly, for unknown periods of time. I was crushed the first time he left, but when he was gone I went out with friends to have fun and found that I really enjoyed my freedom. I connected with a friend from work and we spent more time together and I developed feelings for him. My friend knew I was in a relationship and expressed respect and supported my decision to be faithful to him. My boyfriend came back and I thought that my new feelings would just go away. Needless to say they haven’t, they just get worse every day. I know the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. He promises me a life of happiness and fun and even calls me Mrs.(his last name) because he wants to marry me. I have tried 100 times to break it off. I tell him we are getting too close for comfort. We back off each other for a few days then end up drawn back to one another. It’s a vicious cycle. I haven’t cheated on my boyfriend, the only physical thing that has happened between us is kissing (yes Its horrid and I hate to admit it.). I know I hurt his feelings and he feels like I’m toying with him but I am just so confused about what I want. I have tried so many times to talk myself out of it. I know I am being a fool because there is not anything wrong with my relationship. I have even met other men that I like and want to spend time with, it’s not like it’s this ONE guy. I feel like I am missing the spark that comes with new encounters. My boyfriend loves me but he doesn’t chase me anymore. We are complacent and I hate it. I resent him and don’t feel attracted to him anymore. Its so terrible because a part of me wants to only love him. I want someone to excite me and keep me on my toes. Currently I am trying to throw myself whole heartedly into my relationship with my boyfriend and trying literally everything I can think of to make it work. At the same time I don’t wanna have regrets. I don’t wanna just stay with him because I’m scared to break his heart, which is the truth. I love him so much but then why do I feel this way? What if I just stay with him and waste my 20’s away? I am terrified of regretting either decision. If I broke up with my current boyfriend, I wouldn’t start dating my co worker friend right away if at all. If I left him I would try to figure out what I need but I just can’t bring myself to do it.
clozza on December 29, 2012:
Im also in the same situation here im with some boy, and im also madly in love with somebody else, the person im with though he doesnt seem to care about me he would rather spend time with his friends and some girls than me but said he would be heart broken if i ever left him and the lad i like well hes not admitted he likes me, but hes always saying nice times to me everyday talks about me to his friends and even tells my bestfriend how amazingly pretty i am so yeah what am i going to do?
Kinla on December 21, 2012:
Last month, I finally got everything thing i lost back especially my happy family, am even surprise that there are still truthful and powerful people like this spell lady priestess Ifaa that brought my life back. My husband drove me out of the house because am unable to give him a child, i have gone every where i know, but no way out. it then means i was barrel. All hope was lost, i was even thinking about committing suicide.Then, three days before I was supposed to leave, and just go and harm my self, a friend sent me an e-mail saying to come - she decided she wanted me to give a try to a spell lady that is helping people online, but i told her i have tried some other and they failed but she insist i try this spell lady priestess ifaa. I contacted her through her email firstname.lastname@example.org, and gave in my hope and faith for the last time. my testimony now is that the spell lady save my life, marriage, and everything i have ever had which is my husband.
She cast a spell that once my husband by any means sleep with me i would get pregnant. i had to make sure i do some to get to the house and do whatever to get close to my husband and it happened. Now, am 2months pregnant and would be expecting my first child son.
This priestessifaa is a goddess. she is more than just a spell caster her spell works.
enllr on December 13, 2012:
hello my name is mr. john
I and my girlfriend were seriously in love for three years and we were planning to get marry but one day she came to my house and toldme she was no longer interested in our relationship simply because she was dating another rich man who promise to buy her a car and to sponsor their wedding. And i suffer heartbreak for five months and i was not tired of loving him.One faithful day as i was browsing through the internet, i saw a testimony on how a spell caster helped some one name BROWN to get back his wife after two years of losing his wife because he was no longer having a job. Through this Email...email@example.com So i sent an email to firstname.lastname@example.org for help and surprisingly my boy friend came back with the help of the spell caster and was begging to come back. and now we are happily married. His Email.....email@example.com
Amanda on December 13, 2012:
I never believed in magic spells or anything like that, but I was told by a reliable source that Dr Ijebu is a very dedicated, gifted, and talented person, and after much” she got me to visit firstname.lastname@example.org. It was one of the best things I have ever done. My lovelife was in shambles; I had been through two divorces and was on the brink of a third. I just couldn’t face another divorce, and I wanted to try harder to make our relationship work, but my husband didn’t seem to care. So, with nothing but my pride to lose, I checked it out. I was flabbergasted. This man is for REAL. He did whatever magic he does,and behold – no more than THREE DAYS LATER, I had my husband back! It was like a miracle! He suddenly wanted to go to marriage counseling, and we’re doing very, very well, on the road to recovery! Love and Many Blessings Back to You!
Jane on December 13, 2012:
It’s unbelievable, how fortunate I feel after finding your website. For the past 6 months, I have been so depressed after losing my fiance to another woman. My money situation worsened so much that I thought I’d have to file for bankruptcy. I had a huge amount of debt and I didn’t know what to do. Out of complete and total desperation, I contacted many of those so-called spell casters who promised powerful magic, witchcraft or black magic. None of them worked and none were as wonderful email@example.com has been. He is definitely different from the others and I felt immediate hope and strength from hearing about the promises he had to offer. He carries an air of purity and divine strength that is as pure as fresh snow on the ground. I requested Dr Ijebu the most powerful spells and I was relieved right away that I had someone to solve my problems for me. His spells worked wonders and I am now back with my fiance and my money troubles resolved itself after winning the lottery. Dr Ijebu, I have no idea what I would have done without you being there to help me out.
victoria on December 12, 2012:
My name is Jenna Bueh from Australia my girlfriend left me a month ago and she was leaving with another man,i fell like my life is completely over. I read over the internet how you have help several people to get there love back. Have been dipresed for the past one month and what i need is to get her back and live with me so i decided to give it a try so i contacted him and explain my problems to him and he cast a spell for me which i use to get her back and now my life is complete and i am throughly greatful to this man,his contact emai firstname.lastname@example.org Thank you very much and i am extremely greatful email@example.com
This Sucks on November 05, 2012:
OK...of course...googling breaking up long-term relationships for feelings for someone else brought me here...This truly does suck...any advice?
I'm 22 years old and I've been with my current boyfriend for 6 years now. We've been friends for 10 years. Through these 6 years, I've caught him lying (lost count), hanging out with old druggie friends, as well as smoking weed (which I strongly oppose...especially with him considering he's done heavier/worse in the past). I feel as if I am just conditioned in this relationship. He's the only boyfriend I've ever had. I wouldn't even say I'm comfortable, because there is 0% trust there...but he always says he'll never lie to me again...and for some reason, I always feel as if he MIGHT be telling the truth this time, so I stay...but have always found something out a couple of months later...the first 3 years of our relationship, he was slightly abusive to himself, as well as to me occasionally...but the past 3 have been an improvement in that area...but there are still lies and hurt. Our good days are good, but when they're bad...they're bad...and there is so much that is negative and has remained negative for months in our relationship...and he always twists it as if it's all me. Don't get me wrong...I do love him, and that we've shared...he was my first everything...but I just don't feel how I used to...I barely feel anything, but pain...I'm always thinking about the past...and when something else similar is going to happen again...
This is where the other guy comes in...
Back in high school when my current boyfriend and I had not even gotten together...there was this guy that I rode the bus with daily. I was always intrigued by him...and never forgot him. We sat together, talked, took pictures, and made silly videos together on the rides home. He would always randomly pop in my head...from 6 years back to currently. We recently got back in contact and have been talking almost constantly. He's spilled out his feelings for me and told me that he's had them since high school but never acted, and that he guesses it was just another mistake, but that it's nice to wonder what could have been, but also has the respect of me being in a relationship right now as well. I obviously have feelings for him to that never really left.
My current boyfriend is kind of crazy. He does not know one thing about how often I've been talking to this other guy or what we've been talking about. All he thinks is that we text occasionally.
I think I already know what I should do...even if this other guy didn't come back into the picture...for some reason, I just can't bring myself to do it...
This hurts...and this sucks. :( Any advice?
ConfusedGirl on October 21, 2012:
Hi, I'm kinda in the same situation. I have a boyfriend for 10 years. We've been through almost anything, literally any problem that bfs and gfs go through in a normal relationship. We've been together since we were in highschool. He's 26 now and I'm 25. We have been discussing plans of settling down. However, we've been in a long distance relationship in 5 years of us being together. Now, here goes the problem. I have been working in this Company for 4 years. There I met this guy. At first, he was just like a brother to me. We got really close. He's 24. To make the long story short, I kinda fell for this guy. If ever he asks me to go on a dinner or movie with him, I couldn't refuse. Even if I know in my mind, my bf would get mad or get jealous. But I can't stop thinking about him. I even dream about him. When he is away, I miss him almost instantly. I don't know what to anymore. I love my boyfriend so much but I think I have also fallen for this guy. I tried to weigh things. I keep choosing my boyfriend over him but the feelings for him are still there and it just won't go away. I am so confused! HELP!
Josh H on July 22, 2012:
It is great to see some people in the same thing that I am, although mine has a twist. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a year and a half and she is such a great girl and everything has been going good besides a little arguing here and there but nothing serious, and in this last week the lady I live with that lives in her house literally 15 seconds away from where I live, her cousin the same age as me is down to visit for a month and I have been hanging out with eachother and have grown strong feelings for eachother, and I feel she is such a great girl for me. We share so many interests with eachother literally like everything between us we have in common! I havent cheated on my girlfriend with her unless you count a few hugs as cheating but I just don't know what to do, I know it sounds bad but I have cheated in the past and I don't think it would ever be to the point that I am sleeping with this new girl especially because she is a very well mannered girl (just my type that I like) but I have started thinking about just holding hands and kissing and cuddling with this girl but I have no idea what I should do, I am so lost right now! If someone can even help me in a slight bit I will gladly appreciate it!!
Kayla on July 10, 2012:
Hey y'all.... Well I've been with my current boyfriend for about 10 or 11 monthes now, I met him in August of 2011 and we hit off..... But lately I've starting hanging out with my ex- boyfriend and I've had so much fun with him... My ex and I have been really close friends since 2008, and we had dated for about 3 monthes but it didn't work out... But I feel as though I'm starting to like him again... I never truly stopped caring for him, and I'll always love him.... But I know I love my current and we've started planning out our life together. I can see us getting married and having children... But I can't get my ex out of my mind, and I realized how much I really miss him and his hugs.... He's started hugging me a lot lately and it feels wonderful... Not in a sexual way, but more like a comforting embrace.... He has a girlfriend also, he's been with her since December but.... I don't think we ever truly got over each other... And just last week he did something that reminded me of my dead brother and I started breaking down.. He went over to me and held me while I cried, telling me that he was sorry... I love my boyfriend but I think that unresolved feelings between my ex and I are starting to grow again.... I'm not sure if we'll let these feelings fade or not... I just know that I feel more comfortable around him than my boyfriend.... I love his hugs.... I don't know what to do... Some advice would be greatly appreciated...
Lost on July 06, 2012:
I have a current boyfriend of acouple months but I think I've started to fall in love with my gay best friend(I'm bisexual and a girl)and it turns out he was willing to try to be with me.I'm reapply confused because I love both of them dearly and I'd hate to lose either one of them.I feel like I should leave my boyfriend I have but then I think no he loves you and you love him,and I do but I'm in love with my BFF too. I wish I could have them both but I can't and I'm selfish for it.
Anonymous on July 03, 2012:
I thought I was completely alone and then I discovered this page and people who are in the same boat as me, it really helps knowing people are going through the same thing.
I've been with my current girlfriend for about 3 years now and it was great for the first 2 years however we broke up because we wanted different things from life, I wanted to be free to explore the world and travel whilst she wanted to settle down in the future and for the relationship to be permanent (we were only 17ish).
Whilst we broke up I fell for this other girl who to this day I cannot stop thinking about, its like when me and my girlfriend got together to begin with, I can't stop thinking of her, I see her in class and I freeze from butterflies, she posts on facebook and suddenly the worlds not so dark.
After a while fate threw me and my girlfriend back together, however for the last 6 months it hasn't felt right, I can't explain it but I don't feel very attached and I havent been able to bring myself to say those three words. Along with that I don't seem to be able to do any of the romantic things she craves, these romantic events I can however imagine with the other person.
I don't want to hurt her but I don't know how much longer we can keep going the way we are. To make it worse the girl now lives abroad and I won't see her for 8 months. Ideas?
truth on June 13, 2012:
I wrote on here around 2 months ago. Finished with my boyfriend for this other boy but then ended up getting back with my boyfriend because i couldnt live without him. But then he made me realize i'd made a big mistake after acting like a complete wanker. so i ended things with him and tried things with this other boy again. two days ago i caught my second boy sleeping with two of my friends. Moral of the story.. if you fall in love with two people fuck them both and be single because most people are cunts! :)
kkk on June 06, 2012:
AFRICA VOODOO thanks for making my wish true! I was totally devastated when Frank left me. It was like all my world vanishing into sorrow and pain. But your kind words when I first emailed you gave me hope. I felt how sincere, honest and authentic he were from his first email. I know it sounds weird but out of all the casters I contacted, he were the only one to give me that impression of being so true and caring. More than your words, it s the fantastic work you accomplished for me that I will keep in mind. He brought my lover back and he made all my wishes come true. He s now loyal, pays attention to me, he offers me flowers every Sunday, and we often go out at the cinema or at the restaurant. I will be forever thankful for turning my life from hell to heaven! if there is anyone to get your ex back to you, it is firstname.lastname@example.org
Joy on June 04, 2012:
Reading a few stories made me realize that I am not alone and we all go through this. I need advice.
I've been dating someone for almost 4 months. But last week I saw my friend and his brother. I thought he was cute and I enjoyed our talk. I wasn't thinking in a moment that I like him. My current boyfriend was partying with his friends. On Saturday, I decided to do a To be honest and like my status. The brother like my status and I told him how he looks like his brother. Good genes runs in the family. He wrote on my wall since he decided to do a to be honest and he said that when I was introduce I was shy. I asked why and he said because I get shy in front of pretty girls. I was flatter and happy. I message him and talk to him. I told him he was cute in a way. We started talking and I felt happy that night. It was hard not to talk to my current boyfriend. I told him through text and he said he likes me too. But we can be friends since he knows I am dating from his brother. I care about my boyfriend a lot but maybe I am afraid of being too attach that's why I'm doing it and my mind playing tricks on me.
shawty on May 31, 2012:
Ok so I am 28 and married and was happy for 6 years with my wife until a new girl started work! I never looked at another woman and turned down alot, it never fazed me, but this girl hmm. As soon as our eyes met a fire was born, we quickly become close although never done anything, she has a fiance and 2 yr old with him. We went out on our works christmas party and kissed for the first time and a few times after that and again on new year. Then she said she would never leave her fiance, we stopped talking for 6 months but then she came back saying, she missed me, couldnt stopped thinking of me etc, we had a heart to heart and basically we really want each other but she doesnt want to break up her little family, she said if her daughter wasnt there then she would be with me in a shot! What do i do? my wifes and I relationship to me is dead, but she wants me but wont leave him beacause of her daughter, now he has suggested having another baby, she is thinkinh that that will make it all better, but i keep telling her it will make it worse.
confused on May 29, 2012:
I am a 23 year old,hard workingguy. And i have been with my girlfriend who is 21 for 6 years. We are actually getting married in 2 weeks. But i don't feel the same way about her. We actually broke up a couplemonths back. We was split up for about a month. But anyways for that month I started talking to another girl. And i really started to like her. But then my girlfriend came back and i was happy. Until a couple weeks ago when I started to talk to the other girl again. And now she's all I can think about. And i don't feel like I'm still in love with my fiance. It sounds bad but i can't help my feelings. This other girl is just so much fun and she gets along with all my friends. I just really love being around her. I just don't know Wat to do.
kansas13 on May 23, 2012:
I just turned 15 yesterday, and I've only been dating this kid a year older than me for 2 months but I've been hanging out with the guy my own age that I've had a crush on for forever a lot lately.. Last night we were kind of flirting in my friend's pool and it just felt right.. I'm thinking about asking him for advice on breaking up with my current boyfriend, but I'm seeing him in a few hours so I'm not sure if that would be weird or not.. Plus my current boyfriend is supposed to give me a birthday present soon so I'm not sure if it would be weird if I broke up with him tonight or not.. I really really like this kid, but I'm worried I'll throw away what I have with my current boyfriend and he'll reject me..
stuck on May 23, 2012:
It is so good to write this down... I've been so confused and scared and worried I will regret something I do. I have been with my current boyfriend for 8 years. I know 8 years. We've had many ups and downs. We were 17 when we got together and we've always got on so well. Grown up together in some ways. We have had 2 breaks. One a long time ago when we went through a really bad patch due to partying mainly. The other was a couple of years ago for 9 months when he went on a overseas trip. During this time I did meet other guys as he did, girls. When he got back, when got back together and it was really good. I have since gone back to uni to do medicine. He has a very good job in finance and works a lot. I have met so many new people that are all "just like me". With the study load, I have said to my current bf that I need to study at home more often... which means not spending every night together like we used to. I feel like we are not besties anymore I feel like I'm not attractive to him either. I have met this really really nice guy in my course and I really feel like I LIKE him so much. He definitely is also keen but knows i have a long term bf and would never do anything. My current bf has been overseas for a lot of the start of this year and so I have felt as if I have been single but 'unavailable' a lot. My bf is really nice. He also is very funny and even better looking than this new guy. My current bf is my age but sometimes I get so worried that he wants me to fit into a certain mould.. just like his parents. I want to be a doctor and I also want to be a mum. But I am not someone that will give up my career to raise children. Of course I will want to but I don't want to give up this other HUGELY important part of who I am. I know this won't apply to so many of you, but its like with this new guy he understands all of what it is about me. It's called homophily to save me from trying to explain the phenomenon. Sometimes I feel like my bf doesn't get me, doesn't care or has passions about the same things as me. But on the other hand, he is amazing.. I know millions of girls are so jealous that I have found a guy who is so nice, loyal, masculine whilst still being able to be romantic. He is so caring but I like this other guy so much... I get butterflies when I see him. I know its ridiculous and it's just a crush. My current bf is for the longterm and I can't be going around stuffing it up now... Im old enough to be getting married for goodness sake. I just don't know how I can stop wanting to kiss this other guy. I seriously just want to PASH him. Get it out of my system so I can't get on with my life with current bf. What should I do?? I really don't want to lose current bf. He is too good to me and has put up with/ help me so much... sometimes I am just not attracted to him. I know so strange and it would kill me if he felt the same way about me but Im so stuck. I hate that I have to choose. Why can't I have a life where I get to do both and be happy. haha.. and as much as I want to stop this about this other guy.. i feel like I am reluctant to because of how lovely he makes me feel.
Confused soul on May 23, 2012:
hey .. i'm in a similar situation ..
i've been dating my boyfriend for like 4 months and i really like him .. but there's this guy who's a friend and things never really got over between him n me .. and there are just MOMENTS of feelings towards him now and nothing more .. but nevertheless i feel like im betraying my current bf. i really wanna get over that other guy .. he's kinda from the past, we never dated, but i liked him for really long until i met my current bf. but things seem to be sprouting up again and i don't want to feel the way i do about him. i want to make things work with my current .. any suggestions for my messed up brain ? :/
Sun rays on May 21, 2012:
Hey Pixie. You sound as though you are in real turmoil, but please, please take your time with the guy you met on-line. I'm only saying this because I've realized that most of us are falling for people we know little abou tand spend very very little time with, so we fill in the gaps ourselves and create these amazing men in our minds. Most of us however know some things about these guys, but you know pretty much only what you are told by this guy and what he allows you to see through his web cam. Therefore, your perfect guy is only based on what this guy has allowed you to think about him. Connecting over the net is a whole different thing to connecting with someone you've met, sensed and felt.
It's the excitement of fresh sensations and someone giving us attention that hooks us but is it really worth spoiling a relationship that may just need a little spicing up? I know the raw feeling when you think of "the other guy". It's pleasant but somewhat dark and almost a burden but it's also delicious and constant. My new aim is to reachieve this feeling or something close with my boyfriend because I know that if my "other guy" and I are to get together, I'll be disappointed. I, you, most of us here have filled in the gaps about these men and imagined these guys to be so brilliant that they are destined to be disappointments. It's inevitable in my view.
Someone please let me know if i'm wrong. I kinda need any good excuse to take my car in to that garage ;-)
Sun rays on May 20, 2012:
The first time I took my car to the garage I noticed the engineer tasting me with his eyes. He was mid-conversation with a colleague but he never took his eyes off me. He's about 40, tall, handsome but worn and roughish looking...not my type of man at all. We spoke, I explained my worries about my car but all along I had to keep looking past him, at the ground, at my car, anywhere but at his face. I felt hot, nervous and worst of all, a nearly uncontrollable urge to touch him, kiss him, something.
The next day I went to collect my car and I was drawn to him. We took the car out for a test and we chatted about everything and nothing...everything apart from my boyfriend of 8 years who I love dearly and have never hurt or, taken for granted or considered leaving.
When we got back to the garage, I thanked the engineer, all the time avoiding his gaze. We shook hands and he said he hoped to see me again. If anything seemed wrong with my car, no matter how small, I was to call him and it would be a solid excuse to see me again.
I haven't stopped thinking and fantasizing about him. My thoughts were mostly lustful at first, but it has been 2 months since I saw him and those thoughts have turned to more romantic notions of a man I barely know being absolutely everything a girl like me could want.
I know there's nothing to do but wait for these feelings to pass but my word, it's not easy, especially when I'm fairly certain I haven't popped into his mind since.
mariah on May 14, 2012:
im in the same boat right now i have a bf best i ever have over 2 years now, and i hate to say this but i fallen for our best friend he touch my heart some how and im in and ive fallen and it hurts me inside idk wht to do. plus i leave with my bf with his parents.
Maroon on May 08, 2012:
You don need help honey..You are a whore :p
ThePiixie on May 06, 2012:
i know this sounds bad, but i'm actually falling for an ex-soldier that i met online on a webcam/chat thingy. Its hard for me to decide who to stay with because i'm in a relationship with another guy and i just got back with him not too long ago, but now i'm starting to regret why i started the relationship again... I like this guy i met online because we have so many common interests! we have so many things in common its ridiculous. he's really cute and has so many qualities that i want... but i've known my boyfriend since the 3rd grade and i just met this guy like a week ago...
I'm falling in love with another guy while being in a relationship.
the soldier im keeping in contact with is so sweet and caring... i already wrote down the cons and pros for both of these guys and im STILL contemplating on whether i should stick with the guy i've known for nearly my entire life or the guy i just met a week ago online.
happy on April 21, 2012:
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hannah on April 19, 2012:
hey im 20 years ov age and im goin through the same onlh im engaged and have a kid..i have been with my fella for jus over four years..the past two years we have been goin through a rough patch and wen we nearly broke up i fell for a friend that is really sweet and lovin but wen my fiance found out he changed and started bein sweet guy that i first fell for..i love him a lot as he is the person that i first ever fell in love with..as im livin with him and have a child it is so much harder to make my choics..i love my fiance but i really reallh like this othed guy..1 i dnt no how i would tell my fiancee without breakin his heart and 2 could anyone pls help me out :-(
bob on April 18, 2012:
I have been with my gf for two years now, fell head over heals for her right away, would do everything to be with her. she was did not want to be in a relationship for the longest, i fought long and hard and finally she became my gf after a while. Things have always been a bit rocky and good at the same time. It's been a couple of years now, things started to get a little bad, i started to realize a lot of things and during this time i met someone else. Her and I would always hang out, always together in class and out of class. She seemed to want to hang out with me where my gf didnt. We finally kissed one night and siince then we have been "dating" kind of. I finally told my gf of how i felt that we might not work out because of a lot of issues we had, ironic she (my gf) has changed and seems to want to be with me more. But I have strong feelings for this other girl who is now going through a lot of issues with her family. She now doesn't want to talk to me. I feel bad for having feelings for another woman and im not sure if i should let my gf go regardless if I end up with the other girl or not. And i feel bad for the other girl because i know i have hurt her too because I could not be totally hers. She knows i have a gf and is upset.
Shawdy on April 17, 2012:
So I haven't been going out with my boyfriend so long. I'm in that 'honeymoon' stage where we don't fight, still have that spark and I'm absolutely attracted to him physically and personality-wise. But lately I've gotten to know him a bit more 'intimately'. I guess for me, it's harder to see this person as someone I take seriously. I know he treasures me and only wants to make me happy so I'm making sure not to take that for granted.
But there's this childhood friend that I've always had a crush on. He's the kind of guy that's just so pure-hearted. Maybe other girls find that boring, but he's got this level of respect for himself that I love so much. I knew about it, yet didn't think much of it because
a) He saved my life once.
b) I think he looks absolutely gorgeous. Probably the hottest person to me.
c) He's too good for me. I feel like I'd corrupt him or something.
d) Even in my last relationship that lasted about 3 years, I still had feelings for him.
Lately, this friend of mine has acted differently since he asked me to his formal. I'm trying so hard with my current bf because I don't need any "what ifs", and when I spend time with him I truly believe our relationship strengthens... But these feelings for my childhood friend won't go away easily.
FML on April 16, 2012:
First off, @ LuvStinx above me: DAFUQ dude?!
2nd, I'm in the same boat.
3 years wit my current GF. New girl I met from work.
I don't think I share the same values as my GF. She is into beauty crap and she isn't morally as correct as me. I'm thrifty and she doesn't rly share my thriftiness. If I marry her, we'd prob have financial fights. I'm 21 and she's 18 btw. I know we're both young, but I think personal values won't change that much with age. She has a fiesty temper too, and I think that may be because she is a single child used to getting things her way. That CAN change with time, when she meets the outside world.
The new girl is 22, much more mature, cheerful, learned like me. She's shorter than my gf and not as voluptuous though LOL. But still pretty nonetheless. She loves animals and I love the fact she has what I consider to be a "healthy" interest, instead of an interest in self beautifying.
I think I'm going to break up with my GF. Been meaning to for a while but I never had the courage to face the music, there was no outside motivation, and she gives great BJs. But I want something more than that. I want to love a girl for who she is.
LuvStinx on April 16, 2012:
Ive been with my gf for 2 years on and off. Shes incredibly smart and beautiful BUT FAR AWAY.we had a huge split and started seeing other people. I knew she had a new bf because of facebook.Seeing her with someone else drove me nuts so i stopped talking to who i was currently dating and got my ex back. Now that i have my ex back i met someone ,who in a short period of time i have gained feelings for. I still dont know if this person has the same feelings i do but my ex hasnt done anything wrong to make me think twice about our relationship. If i got with this girl who i like now i would break my exs heart again. I believe im getting these feelings because we are far from eachother. She wont move where i live because of work and i wont move because of work. Our entire relationship is based on skype,facebook, and our cell phones. WHAT DO I DO AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHH
socks on April 15, 2012:
I'm in an year relationship where I was verbally abused doing at least 7 of these years due to alcoholism. The last two years in this relationship I fell in love with someone I know wife who is now divorced. I tried getting out the 8year relationship but was not successful. She wouldn't let me go and I also felt sorry for her cause gets sick and no one helps her. She's also my friend, and more like a sister to me. I have no intimacy for her what so ever. Now me and the person Im in love suppose to be getting married in 5days and I'm still living with the 8 year relationship person. I trust the both, the new person respects me the old one don't.
ToCaroline on April 11, 2012:
Caroline, You dont know a thing about honesty and why it's so important in maintaining intimacy. Had you shared your feelings with your current boyfriend, INCLUDING the new feelings that came up with your old friend, you would have instantly taken away your freedom to explore this other potential, or you would have freed yourself to leave your boyfriend if his response did not illicit a renewing of your relationship.
Remember, withholding relevant details about your feelings and desires in terms of your relationships is the same as lying. It's deceptive and it should make you re-evaluate who you are as a person of character or not.
caroline on April 10, 2012:
I've always had the problem of many ppl chasing after me when I'm single and in a relationship .. and I've never cheated ... but I've been with my boyfriend for a while and he started to never have the time for me. It was true he never really did, with work and school and also the same for me. Yet i made time for him and tried to be a "good" girlfriend. I felt as if i was "in love". But all of a sudden an old friend comes to visit and he expresses his feelings for me. and shockingly i used to like him and well my old feelings come back .. my old friend and I start to talk more and more. I have ended up spending more time with him then i do with my own boyfriend ... I love them both and they both have things a look for and both have qualities i don't really like but can live with ..
I've come so close to cheating today that i ran off, and i haven't talked to either of the guys .. i have had several thoughts about cheating .. and leaving my boyfriend but i don't know if its the right decision ...
should i just forget about both of them? I really can't make my mind up ... old friend or current boyfriend?
Zach on April 08, 2012:
This article fits how I feel a lot. And its strange because I want to be close with my girlfriend but its hard when someone else comes in your life with more similarities to you, does not judge, you feel much more open with, and treats you with much more respect.
Three weeks ago my girlfriend just completely avoided me at a party we went to because of some rumor going around that I wanted to break up with her (which was not true). I cried at the party, something I rarely do. This girl who I was friends with came over and talked to me and showed me compassion. Me and my girlfriend are fine now but this other girl and I just became such good friends and I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.
The human race is a flawed race of organisms. Why do we have to feel multiple loves? Why do I feel this way? What can I possibly do?
matina on April 07, 2012:
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Loveconfused on April 07, 2012:
So I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now I'm recently 15 and he's 14 so we go to different schools I'm always worried he's cheating on me. He says he isn't like that but I always suspect. I was at a lifeguard training and I met this old friend of mine that I used to like we hit it right off the bat we started looking at each other like we used to he's really and I mean really good looking and he's really sweet not like all the guys in my generation that sag their pants and all hes one year older, but the main turn off is the fact that he goes to the rivil of my H.S he has a car and everything we used to like each other but we never had the chance to get to know each other. I don't know if I still feel anything for my partner he showers me with gifts but that's not what I really want. I do really miss my old friend and I don't know if he still feels the same about me as I do him it says on his Fb he's single but I don't know if I could ruin my relationship my Bf says he really loves me and wants to marry me I know that's a lot for the age of 14 but he's really nice and immature but I don't know why I don't feel anything for him anymore. I don't know if I should go for it and if I do would I crash and burn and stay single
... on April 04, 2012:
Ano, yeah, you're right...you're in a very similar situation to me, just...i don't think it would work with the guy in Canada :( we haven't spoken about the distance..but yeah..i do to..feel like me & my bf are more friends than bf/gf...it sucks..:(
sarah on April 04, 2012:
i have been with my boyfriend for four years now. an old flame came back into my life and id like to think he fell for me just as hard as i fell for him. this time round when we connected was very different. see the first time we met it was just sex this time i met up with him there were feelings involved. it was passionate wateva i felt when i was with him i hadnt felt with my now bf ever. he left for his job and told me to forget about him and move on. but the things he used to say to me replay over and over in my head. we had such an intense connection through sex and im struggling to move on. i think i fell in love with him but im not sure if its just because i cant see him talk to him or its a classic case if i want what i cant have.the very first post on the site said something about your partner not giving you what you need and i think thats whats happened to me thats why i seeked it somewhere else. i care alot about my bf and i do love him and for some reason i cant leave him. hes stable motivated and has a great heart. but i dont think we have that real deep connection like i had with this other guy. or maybe i just think this other guys perfect because i didnt spend alot of time with him and didnt get to know him all that well. ive tried to move on and get over the past. and stop thinking of this guy. im trying to do right be a better person . someone tell me what should i do?
ano on April 03, 2012:
Wow lots of people in this situation. Especially you above^....
I came on here to ask for help...read your comment and felt like you have no feelings left for your boyfriend and maybe answered my own problem.
I have been in a relationship for 3 years now, for approx the last 6 months things have not been the same..I realised that I made most of the effort in the relationship and decided to take a step back. Since then, things have gone from bad to worse. I am aware that my boyfriend loves me but like you, i dont even think he notices the change in my behaviour or realises just how boring our relationship is. He too is immature and has very little ambition.
I feel exactly the same about my boyfriend touching me...i dont want it to happen. I feel like I can't carry on but have no way of telling him.
Like you, my worry is his family, and mine for that matter. I feel like I could not face anyone if I broke up with him.
I met a guy through friends about 3 months ago now, he showed a keen interest in me but I wouldnt cheat and rejected him even though I felt a huge connection from the moment we met. The night I met him (at a house party) we stayed up all night talking about everything, he was so easy to talk to. Later he sent me messages over facebook and 3 months on I still talk to him everyday. I feel like I have really fallen for him, but the week after we met he moved to Australia for work. The distance doesn't seem to make a difference to him..he is very clear about his feelings and is ddetermined that we will work when he comes home in a few months. My problem is that I cant get him out of my head, i think about him being with me from the moment I wake up, I think about him in sexual ways also. I feel like I have fallen head over heels. I get on so well with him.
I shouldn't be feeling like this. I still get on well with my boyfriend but feel like we are just friends and he has not noticed it yet. I don't want to hurt him by breaking up with him but I am doing worse by not telling him.
I know I sound extreamly selfish but it is so hard!
... on April 01, 2012:
Can't believe that there's so many people in a similar situation as me...but in my case, i used to speak to a guy who lives quite a few miles away, we spoke like, religiously every day, we drifted apart, and didn't speak for about 6 years, up until about a month ago..i've been with my boyfriend roughly 2 years..Anyway, i started speaking to this guy again and he's gorgeous, it was great to start talking again, we've spoke pretty much everyday. I find my boyfriend irritating & if we play fight, it often turns a little vicious. He isn't motivated to do anything & i feel like i'm making all the effort for anything we do. He drives me nuts sometimes. But i do love him..i love him a lot, but since i've been speaking to this other guy again, all my old feelings have come back, but the worst thing is, he moved back to Canada..where we're worlds apart. Its horrible..i find myself thinking about him all the time. I love my boyfriends family, they've been a tremendous amount of support for me & helped me out a lot, it makes me feel bad about even considering breaking up with him...i just don't know what to do...i'm meeting him this year for the 1st time as his mum has just moved back over here, i feel really guilty about this. I hate the fact we are so far apart, I don't know whether to end my relationship with my current boyfriend & meet this guy or to just stop talking to the guy completely & focus on getting my head in the right place. I don't even really want my boyfriend touching me, am i a horrible person for this? i don't even think he has noticed the change in the way i behave around him...his really immature, and sits around watching tv & playing his ps3 or on his computer all day. I feel like we're going no where in our relationship...HELP!
anon on April 01, 2012:
Im 17 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 15 months.. I have never loved anyone as much as i love him and i dont think ill ever find anyone else like him.. the problem is that he has two personalities and i am in love with the one side and despise the other! He isnt considerate at all and can overall just be a complete idiot. Yet he knows me from the inside out and he is so close to all of my friends and family.. not to mention he has the same sense of humor and i can be completely myself around him which i love!! but the past few months our relationship hasnt been going so well as we split up over very very bad trust issues and just recently got back together.. Conversely i have a very close best boy friend that ive known for 6 years! I've always been very attracted to him and we've always had this 'banter' 'flirty' kind of relationship.. But about 8 months ago i kissed him and ever since then my feelings for him have grown stronger and stronger untill i had to let him know how i felt.. we spoke about it and he told me that his feelings for me are very strong also.. i've tried to stop things with him before but we both found it impossible.. and now i have questioned myself maybe i should end things with my boyfriend and try things with my best friend? But i find it impossible to end things with my boyfriend because im so madly in love with him.. i know that the right thing to do is to end it with my boyfriend because he doesnt treat me right which results in me mistreating him too. So someone PLEASE give me some advice on what i can do! because it is eating and eating away at me and i cannot take it!
Jillian on March 31, 2012:
I've been dating my boyfriend for the past 2 years, and we have SO much in common. We enjoy doing a lot of the same things, and spend a lot of time together. I also am living with him (sort of). He's my best friend and someone who can always make me smile. He's caring, nurturing and a total sweetheart. Basically, everyone thinks I have it made in this relationship, and quite frankly maybe I do. I do love him, though lately I've been getting bothered by certain traits/habits that have really started to get to me. Coinciding with these feelings of becoming irritated by my boyfriend a lot, I have begun to develop feelings for a friend I met 5 or so months ago. We only started hanging out outside of classes maybe a month and a half ago, but since then we have seen a lot of eachother and I know that feeling of interest is mutual. I am really comfortable with him, as he is with me and we have shared a lot of personal things with eachother, just because it felt so natural. I don't have as much in common with him as I do with my boyfriend, and this other guys lifestyle/habits do not match mine as well, but somehow, it doesn't feel like an issue to me. Overall, I feel like this other guy is "my other half" in that his personality (and even psychology, to an extent) are shockingly similar to mine. We just "get" eachother. On the other hand, my boyfriends personality is quite different from mine- more so the opposite or a compliment to mine, rather than being similar. All in all, both are great guys. I couldn't imagine not having my boyfriend in my life, but at the same time, I wonder if at this point it is because he is my best friend and someone I am very comfortable with, because I can't seem to get this other guy out of my head. I imagine dating him and I want to be close to/affectionate with him, yet I can't have both and I don't know who to choose. Either way I break a heart, and I don't know which relationship would be best for me in the long run so I'm stuck in limbo. Help.
hannah on March 30, 2012:
am in a weird position, i was with my boyfriend for just over a year and we loved each other so much.. we come to terms that it was not working as i wanted more, i wanted to go places and go out and do things with my boyfriend didnt, so we split up it was the best for both of us but i could not get over him, i went away and stayed in my sisters and was texting a male friend and he was asking me to come and see him i thought to my self it might help me get over him, but when i was away my ex told me to contact him when i got back, but i never as i thought it was for the best because it might of helped get over him i stayed in this other lads for a couple of days and really got to no him dead well and he got to no me well to, but when i was there everything reminded me of my ex i couldnt help but talk about him, after the couple of days i went home and i text my ex telling him i was home and he new straight away what i had been up to but i was single it really hurt him, but then he told me he had went and seen someone too.. then he said he wants me back and we are still sorting things out now its really hard for both of us but really hard for him as i stayed over night for a couple of days at this lads house, we have told each other everything there is to say but it was so hard to tell the lad i have got close to that am sorting things out with my ex as he had feelings for me more than i had for him i think i have messed everything up
Dissheveled... on March 27, 2012:
So glad I'm not the only one, as many have said. I'm miserable. I love love LOVE my boyfriend. There is nothing wrong with him. He is the ideal man. Perfect and wonderful. I recently had a life changing experience which made me distant. In the process, I fell for one of his best friends, who didn't push me to answer questions he asked, nor did he ever make me feel like I couldn't talk to him. My boyfriend, however, keeps asking me about it, and I tell him I'm not ready to talk about it all. But he keeps asking and it's kind of pushing me away towards his best friend. I know it's because he cares and wants to help me and try and make me happy, but his constant badgering is getting on my nervs. I love him, but the spark doesn't seem to be there as much as it used to. I don't know what to do about this. My boyfriend who I love, and his best friend who is acting as I wish my boyfriend would and who is understanding of my need to not want to talk about it.
lady1234 on March 24, 2012:
:) It's strange how the human heart works. At one time, I knew so deeply the s/o was "the one." Then, I grew up and he was still into his video games, no real ambitions in life... What did I expect when I dated a guy younger then me, right? LOL. But like I said, we can't help who we love. It's been 5 years going on 6 years... About four months back to December, my path crossed with a random guy who have turned my whole world upside down. He's mature, yet funny, charming, out going, brave, and wonderful. He sent me flowers for v-day at my work place, which my s/o has never ever done before... This new guy has my mind thinking about him daily. He's confessed his feelings three months back and asked for marriage, knowing I was still in my current situation.
Because I was afraid of hurting my s/o, and because we've been through so much together, I hid myself from the new guy. Changed my number... stopped contacting him. Yet, here I am, wondering about him... feeling like a sick soul while the s/o is next to me. When will I ever forget the new guy? :( *sigh I had such a deep spiritual connection with the new guy as well... it was as if we knew one another from a time before or something. I was drawn to him... And we kissed. Felt so comfortable... like home. Yet After that kiss, I ran out the door and never returned. I told my s/o everything, and he broke up with me... Now, the s/o and I are trying to patch things up for the sake of what we had... yet... this other guy still has a piece of my heart. :(
Rioja on March 23, 2012:
I am have been in a realantioship for nearly 3 years now, but i met a guy more than a year ago. We have been friends ever since . we have a great time together, we even argue like couples. If i dont see him , i Miss him i can't stop thinking about him. I might be even falling in love. I do not have a very romantic relationshio with my current bf. we dont kiss, he dont hug me.. but i know he loves... and i care about him but it so frustrating i feel so alone with him... i confused.... and i do know what to do..
feeling horrible on March 21, 2012:
Soo with my boyfriend we've been dating for a year and 4 months now, and he says im the one he wants to marry me and so on. And I can't see myself with anyone else in the future. Yet right now since we're only in high school i feel like we shouldnt have met until college. I mean high schools for fun and everything so I've flirted with guys here and there doubted my relationship with my current boyfriend. Yet it always comes down to how obsessed I am with my boyfriend and could never do without him now that he's been in my life. I feel like I've cheated but I haven't. We would break up sometimes for a weekend or a week and sometimes I hung out with other people. I never reallly did anything. I find it hard to be with him I cry a lot and can barely deal with anything. Whenever we have a fight or break up he runs to his ex. They dated in 3rd grade for like 4 years and broke up and she moved away. I can't help but feel like he'll never committ or even go a year without talking to her while she's around. & she always is saying how she'll wait until he's 45 till im gone, that she only loves him, he's the only guy for her and so on. I just can't deal with it. Also when they went camping together, up north for a weekend, or talked and texted all the time in the beginning. All while we were broken up for less than an hour...after a year in less than an hour im replaced by a girl who ways about 50 pounds more, her gums show when she smiles, and everyone of my friends ask why he would downgrade. He even talks a bout her! Like sure I still have feelings for my ex, i'll never do anything about it. Also I feel that these two guys never got there chance to show if they were completely if they were right for me...sometimes i miss them. I talk to them on and off just to get a boost in confidence without trying to lead them on. Sometimes i just want to know. This one guyy was practically perfect, taller,green eyes,hockey player,funny,had a sense of humor,knew how to make me smile,&alll his imperfections just made him even better, he was pratically mine, but my current boyfriend came back and i couldn't say no...I still miss this guy, but what can I do..Ijust want my current boyfriend to hold,&kiss me.Treat me like he's never been with anyone else. to walk down the middle of the road and twirl me, be able to joke around or flirt without him saying "oh who did you do that with" and all I want to say is i want with you...I just wish he could do what I want and not just what he wants..Sometimes I miss damian,matt,and cody...sometimes kyle.
kittykattt on March 21, 2012:
Me and my bf have been dating a year and a half but recently I find my self becoming annoyed and I really like this other guy that treats me so different than my bf and I want to be with him do much. Im 14, my bf is seventeen and the guy I like is 19 I find myself screwed. I want to be with my bf cause of how close we are and the fact I get tto spend time with him however I really like the other guy and he likes me and is so mature. I feel like we could never see each other outside of school. The other guy has been patiently waiting for me since September of 2011..idk wat to do..please help me
keeleigh on March 20, 2012:
go with youre second choice.. cus if you really loved the first you wouldnt have a second(:
urlosers on March 17, 2012:
you guys are all losers.
Lover girl on March 17, 2012:
So, I've been in love with this guy for over a year, but he moved to Australia. I'm still in the states, can't leave because of school. It was a long distance in the first place so we never made it official. But I've loved him this whole time. When he moved, we skyped and talked and it made me fall even harder for him. Recently, I started dating someone who I care very very deeply for. I put my Ausie out of my head and I've been happy this whole time with my bf. but, lately I can't stop thinking about the first one. I know I'm in love with him, and he says he's in love with me. It was always just wrong place wrong time right
person. Now he's visiting the states again, and I really want to see him, but I'm afraid if I do, I'll end up cheating on my boyfriend, and somehow, that doesn't bother me as much as it should with him. Help?
Cindy on March 14, 2012:
here's the thing:
i am currently dating my best guy friend. we've been dating for 8 months and i love him. we've been friends for 15 years. but things are different.. i'm starting to feel like our relationship is just friends. i think i made a big mistake starting to date him, bc i think we should go back to being friends, but i know i would break his heart is we broke up. idk what in the world to do?? our families are good friends and it's just hard bc i don't want to loose my bestfriend, but at the same time i don't feel like we should be dating anymore... what should i do???
jossie on March 11, 2012:
there is really nothing in between either yes or no. the way i see it selfishness. unfortunately no respect on your self .
Chris on March 05, 2012:
Im 17 and a senior in high school and I don't really feel anything towards my gf anymore. We've been dating for a few months but we don't have anything in common and she feels as though I always need to be taking to her. To add more I have developed feelings for another girl and she also has feelings toward me. I haven't ever cheated and I don't plan on starting, I just don't know how to break it off with her :/
Sylvester on February 26, 2012:
Am from china, but i reside in "US" i came in contact with a spell casters who caster a spell for me to get back my job back. i have been scammed thousands of dollars by some fake spell casters, i needed my job back so desperately because of the survival of my family. until i was referred to meet a spell caster on-line on this address by a friend who has once felt their powers "firstname.lastname@example.org". i visit the spell caster with little or no faith because of the previous and terrible experience i have had. they then cast the spell it worked just the way they said it would be. am glad with all gratitude that i gained my job with their help. they are so real with no doubt. why not see for yourself.
tiffany on February 26, 2012:
omfg yall are all depressing. get a life
Chrisanna on February 25, 2012:
Im guessing im the youngest one to comment. Im 13 years old and yes i know im young to be in a relationship. So i've been dating my boyfriend for 4 months but i was thinking of breaking up with him because i fell for another. My boyfriend hardly spends time with me and we dont have classes together but the other guy teases me but makes me feel special. We would always text each other and talk to each other in class.
I told the other guy i liked him but he said he only liked me a little. But yesterday, he told me he's starting to think im cute and that he likes me. I feel sad im keeping this away from my boyfriend and i dont want to cheat therefore im still together with him, but, i want to break up. I know i will regret it because we're going to go further away. And my boyfriend is also going to go to a different high school ):
Im young at this and i really need help.
courtney on February 23, 2012:
im in a relationship and i love my boyfriend very much and im never gonna break up with him:)
adam on February 19, 2012:
I understand the article...
I'm currently going through a similar situation. I started spending time with a guy about three years ago. He wanted more from me...for me to be his boyfriend. He saw that that wasn't possible so long as I was in the closet and so he tried to fix that problem. His outing me led to our spitting up. It wasn't necessarily that he outed me, but more that I felt I couldn't trust him (he had promised me that he wouldn't out me). We didn't talk to each other for a while. In time, our friendship came back and we are now best friends.
About a year after the outing/breakup, I met a guy: perfect from a physical point of view...and actually gay. Between the feeling scared to trust anyone and the thought that I didn't stand a chance, I spent a year getting over those feelings. And I did manage it.
About a year later (about a year ago now), I had another guy who actually was showing interest in me. It had been such a long time since that had happened to me...and I liked it. He was flirtatious toward me and I was strongly considering a second try at a relationship. Then Valentine's Day came...I walked into a room at school only to overhear him talking to a friend about his plans to go to dinner with his boyfriend. I turned around and walked out. I felt like I'd been betrayed again. For the next month, I thought it over in my head and came to the conclusion that I liked him, and that I had been wanting something from him (and thus misread his actions as advances). A month later, I learned from my ex that this guy had a problem with sleeping around. My ex was furious that I'd been targeted (he's fairly protective of me). Any self-confidence I had built up in those two years was drained out of me...twice in a month's time.
Within a month's time from then, both my ex and another friend started pushing me toward another guy. The one I had thought a year earlier that I stood no chance of getting. Apparently, he had a crush on me (which I could tell from the blank stares I got from him). But I had no confidence in myself. The feelings I once had for him came back stronger than the first time.
The summer started out as a blessing...then my ex broke up with his boyfriend of the time...then it was a nightmare...They seemed to be off and on for a couple of weeks. They had horrible fights to the extent that I would calm my ex down one night only to have to repeat the action the next two. When the toxic relationship finally ended. He was left broken. I started to spend a lot of time with him; because I was worried for him. In truth, I wouldn't have put him too far from being suicidal. In time, old feelings started to reawaken. We were talking on the phone one night and somehow, we got on the topic of my high-school crush. He (high-school crush) was physically perfect and his personality was the exact opposite. In high school, there were only two other gay guys besides myself. I didn't really have much contact with the one, but other...I knew he was no good...and that may have contributed to my staying in the closet (that and the fact that I went to a highly republican high-school). I told my ex about him (and it turned out that he knew him). I got him to promise not to out me to him and tell him of my old feelings (it would have been so awkward seeing as we all went to the same university). It didn't take him a week to spill the beans. I was hurt. And I had my summer classes coming to a close which meant my workload tripled as I had put things off to help him get through his breakup. So I cut off our seeing each other for a couple of weeks. In that time, he met a guy online and started dating him. I don't begrudge him for it, but the whole situation made me feel a little down.
With the fall semester starting up, I began to see the guy whom I had a mutual crush with again. And the feelings drew back stronger than ever. I'm not certain when it happened...but either I believe it happened at about this time (if not, it happened at the end of the previous semester, just before the summer), my ex gave me a little insight into him (I had not and still have not let him know of my feelings toward this guy). Apparently, as I learned, he is totally wild; the exact opposite of me. And he apparently thought I was too feminine for him. My ex doesn't know how much he hurt me that day. I still haven't been able to get over that guy. Toward the end of that fall semester (last fall) my ex let me in on that my crush is apparently in a (threesome?) relationship thing. Only none of them are committed to each other. When he started giving me details, I just wanted to tell him to stop, that I didn't want to know. But if I had, my feelings would have been made known to the entire world. So I kept quite. And now I'm in pain from imagining him with other guys.
Then we come to this semester. My ex has now broken up with his boyfriend he met online and had an HIV scare a couple of days later. Like last time, I stepped right up and supported him. I spent excess time with him/on the phone/and texting with him. Now, I feel us getting closer again, but I don't feel I can trust him. The other night, we were talking and he even admitted that I wouldn't be able to trust him. And at this same time, my crush has I guess broken it off with whomever he was with and going through what he is calling revirginization.
A couple of side notes to the events of the last few weeks...My ex has had a sexual encounter with the guy who tried to have an affair with me (without my knowledge of what he was trying to do). I have to say that this really hurt. I would have much preferred that he had kept it to himself. In addition, I've had some deep conversations with his now ex-boyfriend. We are going to remain friends, but I've been feeling some pull toward him in the last week or so. Our mutual ex has informed me that if any of his friends date him (my ex's ex-boyfriend) that he will personally kill them.
So, where I am right now is caught between my ex who clearly wants me back, my feelings toward the guy I've been crushing on for years who I apparently missed out on my only opportunity at getting because I was crushed over the idiot who tried to use me to cheat which whom my ex spent a night with (which hurt me more), and my ex's most recent ex whom I am now feeling myself slightly drawn toward.
Daniel on February 12, 2012:
So I ruined my chances with a girl four years ago by calling her the first day I got her number a few times at the urging of my friend. Ever since then she's been a little creeped out and I don't blame her. But four years now, I have a girlfriend for five months but throughout these four years I have become friends with the other girl to the point where we're hanging out. I'm sure it's going no where but I'm screwing up my current relationship because of it and I don't want to be half-hearted in a relationship because that's unfair to my girlfriend. Also my girlfriend lives 50 miles away and I go out of my way to see her every week which causes me immense stress because I do it behind my mother's back and I borrow my brother's car. I'm getting sick of lying and I just want something more simple. Help.
Youre not alone on February 10, 2012:
There are many people with this problem.
No one here is alone.
Sarah on February 09, 2012:
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always been a very kind and sincere person. Now I consider you like a confident, and not only a simple spell caster. You remind me a lot of my grandmother who was counting me many stories about voodoo when I was young. You are a rare person and I’m glad that I met you. I can feel all your spiritual goodness in all the emails you wrote, from the first day until now! I’ll be forever thankful.” i was suffering from heart break, i have been dating my
man for 3 year, thinking that we will get married very soon. Not knowing that my man has been with another girl. i can not loose him for another girl just like that. I heard about Dr. Dova, a spell caster, to my greatest believe, he did it and now i am with my man Guest what every body, i am getting married next Month.... please if you have any problem do
not hesitate to contact him.
Do not loose your love one, do not waste time because you are afraid, contact Dr. Dova so that he can help you, he is the greatest spell caster i have ever seen with time being email him now: Dovasagawhitemagictemple@yahoo.com or visit his website www.dovasagawhitemagictemple.webs.com
unknown on February 08, 2012:
Let's just say this was me last month, my boyfriend and i at that point in time were having a lot of fights and disagreements and held resentments against each other, we couldn't talk or look at each other, anyway's i ended up liking someone at my job, left my job to be with him and now that i have him i realized that he's not what i wanted or maybe it was all happening too fast. However this guy really likes me, and i hate to admit it but i think i was in lust. i really hate myself now, but the good thing is my ex knows everything and him and i are good friends now and have a better relationship as friends.
jessica on February 06, 2012:
my boyfriend is very close to me he never want to have a break up with me ilove my retionship so much he never want his ex girl friend back i gree with him i love my boyfriend so much i want my relationship so much