Ghosted? What to Do If He Stops Texting You Suddenly - PairedLife - Relationships
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Ghosted? What to Do If He Stops Texting You Suddenly

I love writing about relationships and helping my readers navigate all their ups and downs.

Has the guy you've been seeing suddenly cut off all contact with you? You're not alone.

Has the guy you've been seeing suddenly cut off all contact with you? You're not alone.

He Stopped Texting Me Out of Nowhere . . .

"I thought we were getting along, but he stopped texting me all of a sudden. Should I text him again? How do I get him to text me back?"

A girl wrote me the above e-mail about a guy she had been out with twice. I wish I could say it was an isolated case, but sadly, it has become very common for guys to stop texting girls without any warning or explanation. (To be fair, women are guilty of doing the same, but this article will focus on why men stop texting women and what to do about it.)

he-stopped-texting-me-all-of-the-sudden-what-does-it-mean

While texting between two people of the opposite sex can help ignite a romance, it can also lead to heartbreak. Read on to discover what to do if a guy suddenly stops texting you, why they suddenly stopped texting you, and if you should even want them to text you back.

How to Get a Guy to Text You Back

Before reading the tips below, ask yourself the following question: Do you really want this guy to text you back? When a guy starts ghosting you, it's a pretty good sign he's a jerk—and you deserve better than that! You should also be wary of getting into a relationship where all the other person wants to do is text. If they don't want to have a real relationship, it may be best just to move on. But if you still want him to text you back, here's what to do.

Note: These tips only apply to early-stage relationships and flings.

Play it cool.

Make it seem like you don't care if he texts you back. If a guy is at all interested in you and thinks you've suddenly become indifferent, he will reach out to you. No matter what you do, don't let him know that he's gotten under your skin!

Resist the urge to keep texting him.

It's been two days and you're dying to reach out to him. Don't! To go along with the point above, if a guy sees a wall of texts from you, you're going to come off as being way too eager (and maybe even a little desperate). Naturally, this is easier said than done, but beyond a simple check-in text if you absolutely must ("Hey, how're you doing?"), do your best to let him make the next move. If he doesn't, don't waste any more time on him!

Keep your messages short and to the point.

If he does get back in touch, keep things short and sweet for a while. Texting him an essay about your feelings and scolding him for his lack of communication will only hurt your chances at keeping him interested. Ever gotten the ubiquitous (and immensely frustrating) "K" in response to your message? Feel free to dish it right back.

Only text him when he texts you.

It all goes back to playing it cool. If he responds to one of your messages, don't take that as a sign that you should inundate him with a barrage of texts about everything you've been thinking and feeling since you communicated last. Try your best to ease back into a good pattern of communication by only texting him when he texts you.

Do NOT try to get his attention by sending a risqué text.

This is a big "No." While it may be very effective at getting a response, is it really the type of response you want to get? If a guy only texts you back because he thinks it will lead to sex, that's a huge red flag. So resist the urge to text him your tatas or anything else that you might regret later.

Know when to walk away.

This is key. If a guy is playing games with you and leaving you feeling bad about yourself, you're better off without him anyway. So if you try one or two of the tips above and he's still ghosting you or being minimally responsive, get out of there! You deserve so much better.

How to Deal with Being Ghosted

Signs He's Going to Ghost You (or Already Is)

These are some ghosting red flags to watch out for when you're texting a guy.

  • He's "forgetful." Does he always seem to "forget" you messaged or called? If a guy disappears for weeks and then reaches out with some lame excuse for it, it's a pretty clear sign he's only keeping you on the back burner for the times when it's convenient or desirable for him to be in contact.
  • He's brief. When you do communicate, he responds with one-word answers and keeps the conversation short. If you used to find yourself chatting with your guy for hours and now getting him to engage in a conversation is like pulling teeth, it may be time to step away from the relationship.
  • He's suddenly unreachable. He hasn't responded to my text, so I'll try his Facebook . . . and his Instagram . . . and maybe his Twitter, just for good measure. Stop! It's highly unlikely that something is wrong with every single one of his accounts, so if he fails to respond to your messages, it probably isn't because he hasn't seen them—he simply doesn't want to.
  • He's stopped going to places where you used to see him. This one is both painful and undeniable. If your guy suddenly starts avoiding all the places you used to see each other, it isn't by accident. He doesn't want to see you anymore.
  • He told you he didn't want anything serious. If a guy says this from the get-go, kudos to him. Unfortunately, even if you think you guys have a fun, casual thing going on and there isn't any pressure to enter a relationship, he may still ghost you.
  • He's suddenly spending a lot of time with a new girl. If he starts hanging out with a new "friend" at the same time that he stops messaging or hanging out with you as much, it's a bad sign for your relationship. Don't waste your time competing for him!
  • He blocked you from his accounts. If your guy does this, it's a sure sign that things are over between you. Instead of trying to reach him through other channels, your best bet is to let him go and move on.
Being ghosted hurts—there's no doubt about it—but it's important to resist the urge to lash out or send a ton of desperate messages to your ghoster.

Being ghosted hurts—there's no doubt about it—but it's important to resist the urge to lash out or send a ton of desperate messages to your ghoster.

Common Reasons a Guy Won't Text You Back

We now live in a world of instant gratification, so if the guy doesn't feel that rush of excitement when he's around you, or if he feels you aren't the perfect match for him right away, he's likely to just keep moving.

The following list is by no means exhaustive, but it should give you a decent idea of why your man might be ghosting you. You'll also notice that the last few reasons are fairly innocuous and can actually be indicators of a healthy relationship, so if you get radio silence for a little bit, don't immediately jump to the conclusion that things are over for good.

  • The conversation doesn't interest him, so he doesn't feel the need to reply.
  • He's no longer interested in you and doesn't want to hurt you by saying so (note that if you're in an official relationship, it is definitely not okay to end things this way—not that it's ever really okay, in my opinion!).
  • He started seeing someone else and doesn't have the decency to tell you.
  • He's not interested in you now, but he wants to keep you as a "future" option, so he doesn't cut things off for good.
  • He didn't feel you were "the one" right away, so he's already moved on.
  • He realized you weren't going to sleep with him and lost interest (harsh, but true—in some cases, this may be the only thing the guy was ever after).
  • He's experiencing depression to such a degree that he completely withdrew from everyone around him.
  • His phone died.
  • He's busy with work, friends, or something else and either hasn't gotten the chance to respond to your text or simply hasn't seen it yet.
  • He feels comfortable with you and doesn't feel the need to respond right away anymore.

Why Is Communicating With Men So Hard?

You may be asking yourself why present-day communication seems so complicated compared to all those 80s rom-coms where boy meets girl, boy asks girl out, and boy and girl fall in love. While part of that can simply be chalked up to the unrealistic nature of the silver screen, there is an undercurrent of truth to it. The rise of 21st-century technology has arguably dealt the classic relationship trajectory its biggest blow yet.

Relationships no longer start the way they used to.

In general, it seems that 21st-century boys and men love getting girls' phone numbers and juggling them around. Sadly, this trend appears to be replacing the days when guys—almost as a rule—chatted up girls face-to-face, had personal interactions with them, got to know who they really were, and developed relationships with them.

Okay, it still happens, but the process has been cut very short. Now, you often simply give a guy (that you met at work, school, a bar or club, the bookstore, among friends, and so forth) your phone number and wait for him to get in touch. Or you get a guy's phone number and get in touch with him.

Either way, the crucial first moves in relationships these days are often made via text or social media—and unfortunately, this shift from face-to-face communication to virtual back-and-forths doesn't seem to bode well for relationships.

Ghosting has now become the norm.

He contacts you and you two exchange pleasantries via text. Maybe you hang out, dance, eat dinner, or even kiss. You thought you had a good time and you want to go out again and text a bit in between. Then all of the sudden, this guy you had a good time with doesn't text you at all afterward. Or he says a few words like, "Hey, nice date," and drops off soon after.

Sadly, this pattern is all too familiar these days. Instead of getting to know you and giving you two a chance, this guy has decided to just shut down communication. But why?

The Trouble With Dating in the Tech-Age

What does the ghosting trend say about modern relationships? Nothing good. This problem runs alongside the disturbing trend of fewer men being interested in marriage than ever before. While love at first sight happens, more often, true love is developed as you get to know someone. Those opportunities are being cut off by men who are simply jumping from girl to girl, looking for their perception of perfection. When it doesn't happen, they cut ties quickly.

Many guys like this texting behavior, though. They don't have to see a girl face-to-face to break it off. They don't have to feel responsible. They keep it impersonal. In essence, they get to walk off scot-free. The only way this is beneficial is that a text drop-off could avoid hurtful words a guy might say to tell a woman why he doesn't like her. This doesn't mean it won't hurt at all, but it will hurt less. There are also men who will take every opportunity to insult a girl just because. Trust me—not hearing anything is better than hearing that.

This is not to say that all guys act this way. We all know good guys who treat women well and don't want to waste anyone's time.

Is ghosting a thing only young people do?

Unfortunately, no. When it comes to suddenly cutting off all communication with no explanation, there are quite a few offending age groups—not just teenage guys, but all men with cell phones, period. I have heard the same ghosting scenario from women in their 30s and 40s who started dating in a time before texting was the norm.

Women commonly say things like, "I remember when guys would ask you out on one date, and then another, and you had a boyfriend before you knew it. Now you hardly ever see or hear from them again. Pretty disappointing."

Does ghosting only happen in new relationships?

Though it's far less common, ghosting does happen in established relationships. Whereas in dating scenarios, ghosters will often tell themselves that they don't owe the other person anything (which is incredibly lame), ghosting in relationships often comes down to conflict avoidance and a fear of direct communication. Some men will rationalize "breaking up" this way by saying it's easier and less hurtful. If only that were truth!

Having a serious (or even just semi-serious) relationship end with ghosting is very painful for the person who is ghosted. In these situations, you may choose to send one last follow-up message to that person acknowledging that things are over and asking for an explanation. If you need closure to move on (and most of us do), don't be afraid to ask for it. But, painful as it is, don't expect to hear back either. Your ex may be too cowardly to have that conversation with you, in which case you are truly better off without him!

Being ghosted can take a toll on your self-esteem, but remember that it isn't your fault.

Being ghosted can take a toll on your self-esteem, but remember that it isn't your fault.

The Emotional Effects of Ghosting

Women are still delicate in this day and age, and I don't think that is a bad thing. Women are brought up to feel that they are special, beautiful, lovely, feminine. So when they encounter men who don't "get this" about them, it hurts. Being ghosted robs you of closure and the ability to understand why things didn't work out (hint: probably because he's a dick).

It would be different if this kind of texting drop-off happened once or twice, but if you have been in the dating pool lately, you'll know that it is simply commonplace. You can have dates with ten different men in a year, and eight of them will simply vanish.

Being ghosted is not your fault.

When this constantly happens in a woman's life, the message she gets out of it is that she isn't good enough. In reality, she is good enough. You are good enough. Although not everyone is a match for each other, more people would be if they took the time to get to know each other.

In most cases, ghosting comes down to the "ghoster's" immaturity and lack of consideration for others. It is rarely the fault of the "ghosted," and the ghoster's favorite self-soothing line—"I don't owe them anything"—is just a lame excuse to act like a jerk.

You deserve someone who's willing to put in the effort.

Don't ever put more effort into texting than he does. So if he's putting in zero effort and has simply dropped off the face of the earth, don't go on texting him. It might be a little difficult (fine, a lot), but you can stop yourself from sending messages to someone who isn't replying at all. And to be honest, you really should. You deserve to be with someone who treats you well, and that includes taking the time to communicate with you without you having to get on their case about it.

A man should still do the chasing. You are worth that. If he doesn't want to chase you or if he barely gives you any regard (or none at all), then you are probably better off trying to forget he ever existed. Delete him from your contacts and start moving on. This applies to budding relationships too—even if you're still in the early stages of dating or a relationship, he should still be actively showing interest. These are age-old rules of courting communication simply applied to new generations of technology.

Sources

Miller, Korin. (2016, April 1). Ghosting Is Way More Common Than You Think. So What Should You Do If It Happens to You? Glamour. Retrieved from www.glamour.com/story/ghosting-is-common

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

Question: What if he stopped texting me, then suddenly starts to text me again?

Answer: I'd let him wait and let him repeat his texts, or let him attempt to contact you. Don't respond right away. See if he is really going to make an effort for you.

Question: What should I do if this guy decides to stop texting me for four days after texting me every single night? Should I text him "Hey"?

Answer: No, don't text him. Distract yourself with other things. If a man likes you few things will stop him from talking to you/texting you.

Question: What if a guy seems really into me, but then stops texting?

Answer: Men are apt to change their mind like anyone else. You will know he is interested if he sends consistent messages or asks you out. Until then distract yourself with things you enjoy.

Question: What do I do if he just suddenly stops messaging me? I only get one text a day, and that's if I spam him.

Answer: If he stops texting you then don't try to text him anymore. It shows a lack of interest on his part. If someone isn't interested for whatever reason then they are not meant for you. You want a guy that shows he likes you and wants to communicate with you. Men should do the chasing.

Question: What should I say to a guy who stopped texting me that I am done?

Answer: If you want him to know you are done with him, don't contact him. He will understand. And you will be able to move on to better things.

Question: There's a guy friend of mine with whom I've been reunited with after many years. We talked over text for around five days, and began sharing everything between us, but suddenly he stopped texting me. What am I suppose to do now?

Answer: This would be difficult to deal with. But I would let him be the initiator of all things, including texting. Don't text him unless he texts you first. If things pick up again slow your responses down so that he has to work a little harder for your attention. Let him do the chasing.

Question: If a guy stops texting me, does it mean that he's not interested anymore?

Answer: Yes, generally this is what it means. And it is an extremely common habit for people, so it is not a reflection on you personally.

Question: I went out on six or seven dates with a guy, and I thought we had good chemistry, and things seemed to be going well. Then he slowly started to back off, and he has made no attempts to see me in the past two weeks, and I haven't heard from him in 4 days. I have not attempted to contact him, but I want closure. I want to know what happened and the reason why he backed off. I don't think it's fair that he can disrespect me and lead me on this way and get away with it. What should I do?

Answer: Do nothing except forget about him. I sympathize with you. It hurts when someone you like pulls away. I am going to tell you why you might not want closure. I've personally been in this situation about five times before I was married, with the amount of dates I've been on with them varying. Only one time did I hear a reason why the person didn't want to see me anymore. And what this person said hurt me for a very long time because it seemed purposely hurtful. Many men are not very eloquent in their delivery when they do explain why they don't want to see someone anymore, so they pull back rather than deal with the consequence of what their words might result in.

I personally think when the guy pulls back and says nothing it can be much better than hearing the truth. Either way the guy handles the break-off it still hurts. How people treat you is NOT a reflection of who you are as a person or how valuable you are. In the end just know you were not a match-up. That is all. This might not be what you want to hear, but it is my opinion based on experience.

Question: If he stops texting me for 2 days, do I text him?

Answer: No. Don't text him at all if he doesn't get back to you.

Question: How to distract myself with other things when I feel so empty and depressed? How to let it go, how to let go of thoughts about him?

Answer: Yes, this part can be a little difficult. The easiest way to do this is to think of something you find exciting. Before I was married, years ago, I got over guys by hiking or traveling to new places. They were the only two things that got me motivated. Think of things you always wanted to do, and try going for it!

Question: What should I do if he stops contacting me completely and says he has problems in his life?

Answer: It sounds like he needs some privacy and alone time to sort out his life, so you will want to give this to him.

Question: He ghosted me once and then after a month I texted him and we started texting again. And everything was great, but he hasn’t texted me since last week and it’s driving me nuts. What do you think?

Answer: You'll need to let him take the initiative. Even though you're a great person, a man that isn't texting, calling, or showing up is showing he lacks interest in pairing up with you.

Question: What should I do if he stopped texting me after he normally texts me every morning?

Answer: Don't text him again until he tries to text you a few times.

Question: What if the guy I like seems very interested in me when we meet face-to-face, but hardly taking the initiative to text me or responding to my text messages?

Answer: Personally, I think this guy doesn't like texting.

Question: This guy used to text me every day all the time and then he suddenly stopped for two days because of strong depression. Now he doesn't text me unless I say "good morning," and the conversation is really short. What does that mean?

Answer: This generally means he is not interested romantically. A man who likes you will show it in his actions. Getting to know guys in real life with limited to no texting will give you a better chance of finding a worthy boyfriend, because in-person chemistry bonds people much more than texting ever could.

Question: What should you do if your ex who was calling and texting often, stops?

Answer: I would not do anything about it. If he isn't communicating don't initiate.

Question: What if a guy stopped texting me after I offended him and I didn't realize it, but eventually I said I was sorry, but he hasn't replied to the chat yet?

Answer: You did your part and apologized, so that is great. However, it's his turn now, and if he wants to still get back to you, he will.

Question: What if a guy stops texting me because he thinks I am not interested in him?

Answer: If you know this for sure, then texting him sounds fine. I would still only text him as much as he texts you thereafter.

Question: It has been 5 days. What if we were sending hearts and then he suddenly stopped replying?

Answer: Don't contact him unless he contacts you as well as being serious about you.

Question: I have been ghosted. Should I ask if I said or did something wrong?

Answer: No, I would not ask him that. Men are not as sensitive as women when it comes to words. Generally the chemistry is not there if a man is not answering. Also, relationships do not develop normally when in-person communication is sacrificed and more texting takes place. In-person chemistry is the strongest component of potential relationship development.

Question: I am 43 and I've been in my relationship for 20+ years, and in the last two years I might as well talk to myself. He mutes and blocks and ignores any and all communication and say it's because I text him s#*%! He says he is not cheating but I found dating sites and strange females' home and mobile numbers, as well as other suspicious activity. He's always on the phone or busy for hours. I know something is not right. What do I do after being with him for over half my life?

Answer: I am so sorry you are experiencing this. It sounds as if this person has lost interest. And worse could be having affairs -- even if they are just online or text affairs and not in person. That is hurtful behavior. If you do not live with this person I would stop communicating with him and move into another phase of your life. If you do, I would seriously consider becoming platonic roommates, but ideally move out. I know after 20 years it would be very tough to take these measures. Before you do any of this you could have a non-emotional conversation about your feelings with him. I say non-emotional because a neutral tone in a conversation can help it stop from escalating and help prevent more emotional harm.

Question: I met this guy on Tinder. We went on a couple of dates. He texted me about how he really liked me and told me that he is looking for marriage, and assured me to take my time on this matter as he is always there for me. Then one day I saw him on a dating site talking to other women. I texted him to ask about this but got no reply. Finally I lashed out at him, telling him not to contact me again, and that was it I never heard it from him again. Why did he do this to me?

Answer: It would definitely be hurtful to be on the receiving end of what he did. And this is probably not the first time he's done this to someone. People can be full of multiple intentions, however. A man can be interested in marriage but still want to have extra women on the side. In most cases men will hide these inclinations from other women.

In the most classic context, this is nature's struggle. Since the beginning of time men have been interested in having as many intimate partners as possible, and women have been interested in nurturing the right relationship.

I am going to ask you a few questions. Did he ever tell you he was exclusive with you? Did he make it sound like he wanted to marry you specifically or that marriage in general was his end goal? Many men will take the opportunity to have as many partners as they can, especially when they're young. Was it possible that you felt he was on the same wavelength with dating you without getting confirmation from him?

Success in online dating is very random. You can have the best intentions to get into a wholesome relationship, but if the other person is playing games or not being forward, or if both people are not at the same understanding of where they stand, things can quickly unravel.

Just protect yourself emotionally and physically when you're out there. This might not be the last time you encounter this situation.

Question: I matched with a guy on a dating app, we talked for 3 weeks every day and he seemed super interested and responded pretty quickly. I haven't heard back from him for a day, what should I do?

Answer: Let him do the chasing. If he fails to contact you, place your attention on something new.

Question: I met him a week before on a first date, he stopped texting me after 3 days. It’s been 48 hours since he last texted me. What do I have to do?

Answer: Let him text you first, and if he doesn't, forget about him. The communication only continues between two people when they are really meant for each other.

Question: I liked a guy, but he didn’t like me. Now that we were basically like friends on social media I followed him, but he never followed me back, but that didn’t matter to me at all because the way he used to talk to me was so nice and friendly. He even said that he likes my voice when we started calling. It has been 4 days that I have messaged him, but he doesn’t reply back. What do I do? I don’t know what the reason behind this is.

Answer: If a guy is interested in you, he will call, text, or find a way to talk to you. Someone who is not interested will not communicate or will lag on the communication. If this guy is not responding it means he generally does not feel the way you do. As for what to do, don't send him messages or anything else unless you see he has responded to you and actually sounds interested. I would distract yourself with other things in the meantime.

Question: What should I do? The guy I like stopped texting me. After we had sex, he texted me and told me how much he wants to keep my smell. After a couple of days, he stopped texting me completely.

Answer: This is just my opinion, but it sounds like he is playing games. A lot of men will text a lot of different women to "play the field." I would not give him any more time of day unless he wants to become serious and exclusive with you.

Question: Can a guy stop chatting because he is stressed out?

Answer: Yes, it is possible if he has overwhelming stress. But generally if they liked someone I think they would talk because it would help distract them from their stress.

Question: What if he texted he loved me several times?

Answer: You will need to find out if he is genuine and if you feel the same way about him.

Question: How long should I wait before I text a guy back?

Answer: At least a few minutes, but otherwise wait longer if you have more pressing things to get done.

Question: I know him in person and we went out a lot and texted for two months. I can see that he is treating me differently but after these two days he has stopped because of depression and family issues. As I told you so I'm so confused I don't know what to do?

Answer: It sounds like you can either read that he has depression and family issues, or he has told you this. In either case, you don't have be confused. It sounds like he needs space to work through what is going on in his life. When men go through problems a lot of times they prefer to do it on their own. If he is open to being with you again, I am sure he will reach out to you by his own volition. If a guy starts pulling away it is a sign you will want to respect.

Question: How long should I wait to reply to a message after days of him not texting me back?

Answer: At least as long as he took to reply to you, if you even feel like answering.

Question: I met a guy in a club. We kissed, and he wanted me to come to his house. He had already asked me for my number. I declined to sleep with him from the first night, but he texted me the day after. He was answering after many hours and suddenly stopped. What should I do? ShalI I asked him why he disappeared, or is it too desperate?

Answer: Since this man only answers you hours later, I would drop contact with him. You don't have time to wait around for rude people who don't respect your time. I wouldn't initiate contact or even answer him if he does text you.

Question: He asks me we should FaceTime sometime and we give each other’s numbers. He then ignores my texts for three days?

Answer: I would stop communicating with this person. If a man is ignoring you it means he is not interested.

Question: We went on a first date, he introduced me to his friends, and they said he told his mom about me. Afterward, he told me he had a great time and wanted to see me again. He texted me all day long for three days and now hasn’t contacted me. What do I do?

Answer: I would let this man contact you rather than you initiate contact with him. Men and women change their minds all the time about pursuing a relationship with someone. Remember this was the first date. Some people will even bring you around their friends without being sure what comes next. In the meantime go out with other guys, meet more people, have fun, etc.

Question: I am supposed to go on a first date tomorrow with a guy I have been texting. He stopped texting me a couple days ago. What should I do?

Answer: It sounds like this guy is dead in the water if he totally stopped communication. I wouldn't contact him to see if you're still going out either. With men, their actions tell you what they feel about you and tell you their intentions towards you. An unreliable guy is worse than no guy at all. Best wishes to you.

Question: What if myself and a guy have talked daily for 3 weeks and seen each other twice. He had to travel again out of state for work and now has dropped off the planet. No check in texts and no calls for 2 days. I don't understand?

Answer: When people aren't meant for us they drift away. When they're meant for us they stay and make an effort.

Question: I texted with a guy for seven days, and on the final day, we went on a date. He wanted to have sex, but I didn’t. Afterward, he texted me that he can't text me anymore. What does this mean?

Answer: It sounds like he has moved on because he did not get what he wanted or he is not interested for other reasons. A man should ideally not be putting you in that kind of position on a first date either. I would forget about him.

Question: I was speaking to this guy for about 4 months. We had a couple of phone conversations. We planned to meet twice, both times he bailed. He started to not respond to messages. It started getting to the point if I didn’t initiate the conversations he wouldn’t message. I asked him again about meeting up, and he gave another excuse which was believable. I responded with a nice message and he didn’t reply back. I haven’t message him and he hasn’t responded in 4 days. What do I do?

Answer: It is tough when you like someone and they behave this way. Unfortunately he is giving you all the signals that he is not interested in you romantically. You deserve much better. Don't contact him at all. I wouldn't respond to him even in the future if he begins to talk to you again, because he already stopped talking to you once, and he could do it again.

Question: I've been seeing this guy for 5 months. He always texts me first and then starts to get distant. I asked him about it and he said that he thinks he has a health issue and that he's not ghosting me and that he really likes me and wants to see me. But then I don't hear from him. Is he being honest or not and what should I do about it?

Answer: No, I don't think this guy is being honest. I think he is trying to make sure you are still available to him when he wants the comfort of attention, but then backs off when he has had enough attention from you. I think he tells you he is sick because he does not want an emotional confrontation with a female in telling you the truth. Men tend to be scared of those things. I think you should let this guy go unless he aggressively goes after a full boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with you and stays that way.

Question: This guy has been ignoring me for about a month. What could that mean? Should I stop hoping for his text? I was hurt so have deleted his number anyway.

Answer: Yes, a person who does not text for a month does not have a genuine romantic interest. I think deleting his number was a good idea.

Question: He said we are exclusive but in the past two days I have not heard anything from him. When I confronted him he said he was busy dealing with something and that I need to relax. If he didn’t want to talk he would have not replied?

Answer: In my opinion, if you are exclusive you should be on calling terms with each other, not just texting. See how much he communicates from here forward. If it slows down more then it's probably a sign he is not on the same relationship wavelength as you. But yes, the fact that he answered you is good. If you aren't getting the kind of communication from him that you need you can break it off or tell him you would rather just be friends.

Question: During the holidays I met a boy over social media who goes to the same school as me. We talked every day, even at night. But when school started, he stopped texting me for a few days. He says hi to me in school, but nothing more. Should I text him? Or should I talk to him in school?

Answer: No, don't text him. Just say hello back if he goes out of his way to say hello to you. A guy that stops texting you is pulling back from you.

Question: After breaking up with my ex, we continued texting for a year. The way he talks to me shows me that some days he is into me and some days we are only friends. Two days ago, he stopped texting me. What should I do?

Answer: Don't text him. He knows you are there and will respond since it has been going on this way for a year. Since this guy is no longer your boyfriend, it is best to accept that the way he texts you is simply how he wants to communicate with you at this point. You can choose to either to no longer text him, or keep texting with him. Since it can be tough to disengage with an ex, you will want to choose whether you still want him in your life the way it is, or if you would be better off without him. But if you want him to regain interest in you, ignoring his texts might help this way as well. For some reason, people want us more when we make ourselves less available.

Question: My boyfriend doesn't text me like he used to. I tried to end it in retaliation, but he only said that he is busy all day. What should I do?

Answer: Since you can't take more from someone than they want to give you without making them your enemy, let him text you if and when he has time. In the meantime, distract yourself with other things you enjoy. If you are still interested in him if he texts you again, don't text him more than he texts you. It should be mutual.

Question: I was messaging this guy that I liked for a long time. Then suddenly he stopped texting me. Up until the final text he still seemed interested. I occasionally asked him how he was but he never replied. He just stopped altogether. I'm worried something happened to him. And I hate not knowing. What should I do now?

Answer: I would not text him or call him because, chances are, he has moved on. You could check to see if he has social media, and if he has posted lately. To really build a relationship with someone it is ideal if it is done mostly in person. Texting has a tendency to make relationships run out of steam as there is no body language/physical attraction to run on. It might be time to go check out the rest of the fish in the sea.

Question: What if he stops texting me on purpose for several days, but then decides to call me days later. Should I pick up?

Answer: Try ignoring the call or calls for several days. He will probably start paying more attention.

Question: The guy I like went to a party and the next morning he seemed very distant but he said he was just tired. Ever since then he’s been that way. It’s been two days now and today he didn’t text at all what should I do?

Answer: Sounds like someone whose desires change very quickly. I would drop him if he no longer bothers with you. Even if he does, make him work for your attention. Don't answer his texts right away unless he repeatedly texts you.

Question: What if we just went on an enjoyable date, had a pretty good conversation online afterward, ending with a “goodbye”. And then he sent no messages for 4 days, not even a merry Christmas. What does that mean?

Answer: I am almost certain there were no strong feelings of chemistry from his angle. You can have a nice date without a mutual attraction happening. While some people will mostly pay attention to their family over the holidays, I would not invest more energy into this guy or text this guy unless he makes a good effort to contact you first.

Question: I text this guy every day, but today he didn't reply, should I wait for him or move on?

Answer: You can do both. Go about your life and enjoy yourself, and if he happens to be attentive enough and text you again a few times, answer.

Question: My ghoster hasn’t texted me in two days, did not reply to my text (only texted once to ask if he was okay). After no reply I left it at that. But he is watching all of my Snapchat videos and IG stories? Also we live in different states though he’s set to move here WITH me less than 2 weeks from now. He’s been acting really weird the last week or so. And now no reply! I’ve given up my apartment for a bigger place and changed jobs. I feel like this is complete BS.

Answer: What you're going through sounds very stressful. Did he help give a deposit or sign the lease on the bigger apartment? If so, it would seem he would still move in with you. If not, it sounds like something he could back out of with no legal repercussions but incredible emotional difficulty for you. If you temporarily go inactive on your other social media accounts it could spur him on to reach out to you. This would be a difficult spot to be in and I'd be upset too. He could still get back to you, but just be prepared for anything. People can be so unreliable. Good luck. I'd like to hear how this situation works out for you, if you want to come back and post again at that time.

© 2013 Hearts and Lattes

Comments

GabrielaSab on August 08, 2020:

Hello! what if after months of almost dating he stops texting me all of a sudden but hasn't deleted me from his social media? In fact he still sees my stories. I stopped seeing his.My last text was a "Helloo" the day after he stopped texting me and didn't hear back from him. What should I expect?

Hearts and Lattes (author) on January 31, 2018:

I think your friends probably gave you the right advice there. Good luck, dear Eaton.

hobbyswift on January 30, 2018:

Thanks Hearts and Lattes.

I was reading lots of information around this topic and it appears that MOST men are men, regardless of the gender pursuing them! They don't like being chased, they don't like being heavily texted, they don't like too much emotion(i'm the exception as i'm a highly sensitive guy), they like to play cold alot, if you give up sexually too early they are very likely to jump ship after they have got the goods and move onto what they perceive as a more challenging 'prize'. I realised i was texting him too much, but not in a suffocating way e.g 'did you get my text?' or 'are you there?' etc . Just replying openly to his replies with some depth in my conversation. He was alot more restrained. He is lovely though and it doesn't help my infatuation that he looks like a cross between Zayne Malik and a young Eddie Cibrian lol . It is so hard to restrain yourself when you want to connect with that person deeply. So, i have managed to miss a day texting him, from the urgent advice from friends. I need to ask him for a coffee but i am very scared of rejection. It's so complicated when it's two dudes especially with me being very private. Wish me luck:) Eaton

Hearts and Lattes (author) on January 30, 2018:

I'm not really good at the dynamics in this case, but I wish you luck.

hobbyswift on January 28, 2018:

Great article

I was wondering if this is same for a guy who develops a crush on another guy and exchange numbers and do the whole texting thing? I am very into him but my head is so messed up as he only sends short texts and now he stopped texting ,well, since yesterday. into swopping numbers. He has no idea i am bi. I just want to tell him, but im not out and very private. It's been 2 weeks since this happened. I would love to date him and form a r'ship, but i don't understand if the texting game is same for 2 lads?

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