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He Has a Girlfriend, but Flirts With Me! What to Do When a Guy With a Girlfriend Likes You

Updated on July 3, 2017
thehands profile image

After seeing many friends (or himself) seduced by love, only to crash and burn afterwards, Jorge writes advice based on his observations.

He Likes Me, But Has a Girlfriend - A Problem of Choice

Did you accidentally find yourself flirting with a guy who already has a girlfriend?

Before you feel too guilty, know that you're not the only person in the world to have ever done this. In fact, it's a fairly common thing, and a bit of harmless flirting never killed anyone. As long as you don't cross the line or anything, it's pretty normal to be occasionally interested in people who already have partners.

On the other hand, do you actually want to "cross the line" and take things further? Are you feeling guilty because he's flirting with you hard and clearly wants to get busy behind his girlfriend's back?

This can be a problem, then. If you're the kind of person who likes to live a drama-free life, then take a few things into consideration before you yield into the temptation:

Does he like you, but he has a girlfriend?
Does he like you, but he has a girlfriend?

You Are Exciting Because You Are New to Him

He has a girlfriend, but flirts with you probably because he is bored.

Lots of times when people get bored in relationships, they start looking to branch out to someone else on the side. By all means, you could be an extremely interesting person, but a lot of the time when people are looking to cheat, they're just excited by the prospect of newness.

They want someone other than their partner. They want variety. This is why a guy who has a girlfriend might flirt with you and try to get in your pants. If his relationship is well-established, it's unlikely that he wants to leave it, and he's probably more interested in an easy fling.

If this is okay with you and you have no qualms about helping someone cheat, then fine. However, if you have delusions that you are going to be his new girlfriend or that your connection with him comes from some kind of sense of forbidden love, then take a hard, objective look at the situation.

In fact, you may not be the only one he is playing this game with.

He'll Lie to You Just as Easily as He Lies to Her

Does he talk badly about his girlfriend? Does she just seem like an awful person according to what he's told you, and you can't blame him for looking elsewhere for a girl?

Well, guess what? He's still with her. Chances are, his stories are greatly exaggerated and skewed to justify what he's doing. People do this a lot when they cheat on their partners. Not only does it help them feel a bit less guilty themselves, but it can elicit sympathy from the person they're cheating with.

If you are considering this guy as potential boyfriend material, you may want to give it some deeper thought. Is he trying to seduce you when he blatantly already has a girlfriend? Why wouldn't he just do the same to you if you were to get together, then? Wouldn't you always distrust him a little in the back of your mind?

Breaking people up can lead to unintended drama.
Breaking people up can lead to unintended drama.

If His Girlfriend Finds Out, You Might Be in the Middle of a Dramatic Breakup

If you start flirting back and eventually get physical with him, it could very easily get back to his girlfriend. While a mature person would leave you out of it, you have no guarantee that his girlfriend is like this. You never know if you'll end up getting pulled into the middle of the drama and have to take ten sharp manicured nails to the face.

Is this worth it? Do you want to deal with all of the emotional turmoil of someone else's relationship life? If not, then consider passing on this guy.

Like a Soap Opera

Have you ever been pulled into someone else's relationship drama?

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What Should You Do If a Guy Has a Girlfriend, But Likes You?

All right, so naturally you want to avoid all of these disturbing possibilities, but how? What do you do to get what you want without being pushed into the role of "the other woman" or ending up a home-wrecker?

1) First, make your stance clear.

If you tell this guy that he's "wrong" for flirting with you, but then you flirt back and egg him on, you'll be sending mixed signals. After giving it some thought, pick one approach and stick with it. Either it's okay for the flirting to continue, or it's not.

2) Don't interfere with the relationship.

If you really like the guy, you may be tempted to steal him away from his girlfriend and break them up. This can set a really bad tone for the new relationship, though. It's better to let their relationship take its natural course.

If they were really on the rocks, it's only a matter of time that they'll break up anyway. If they weren't, then he had no intention of seeing you as anything more than a side piece, probably.

3) Swoop in when the dust clears.

Wait it out and if they break up, then you can swoop in and take the guy for yourself. This is how to properly get a guy with a girlfriend--by waiting until he is naturally single.

You might not want to wait that long, but it's the only way to give yourself a clean start to the new relationship without having it be overshadowed by the drama of the old one.

Maybe you two can be together...after his currently relationship is naturally over.
Maybe you two can be together...after his currently relationship is naturally over.

But I Want Him! He's Special! I Don't Care If He Has a Girlfriend!

If you are fixated on a guy to the point where you are willing to get between him and his girlfriend and destroy the relationship, then you probably have an unhealthy attachment to him. There are plenty of guys out there who are single and will flirt with you because they want you, not just the possibility of some sneaky side action.

Don't you think you're worth more than that, anyway?

Furthermore, if you've noticed a pattern of "stealing" other women's boyfriends when you look back on past behavior, you might have some internal issues that you need to examine. If you feel extra validated when you win the affections of someone else's partner, and you view love as some kind of competition, then it sounds like your self-esteem is pretty weak.

Take some time to be with yourself alone.

The Road to Drama is Paved With Good Intentions

One of the most common things you will hear someone say whenever they do something they later regret is that they "didn't mean to" at the time, and that it "just happened." This can certainly be the case in a situation where a guy is flirting with you, but has a girlfriend. Maybe it starts out as harmless flirting, but quickly escalates to something else unintentionally.

Be vigilant if you don't want this to happen. Be clear about your boundaries and what you don't want to do, and make sure that he knows this. Don't be coy about it, or else he will keep pushing until he gets what he wants. If you just want to "see where it goes," then it will naturally go where he wants it to go. The person with the strongest agenda in the situation will usually win.

Ask yourself: Where is this all going? If the answer is "nowhere good," then you know what you need to do.

Stealing Love

Have you ever "stolen" someone's partner? (Convinced a person to break up with their partner and get with you.)

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© 2017 Jorge Vamos

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    • thehands profile image
      Author

      Jorge Vamos 7 days ago

      Glad I could help, James!

    • profile image

      james 9 days ago

      this helps so much thank you

    • thehands profile image
      Author

      Jorge Vamos 7 weeks ago

      Why didn't anyone tell me about the ridiculous typo I had in the first sentence? Haha, fixed it though.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 7 weeks ago from The Caribbean

      Great message! Someone still in a relationship is not a candidate for a relationship with someone else. End the first one, then inhale and exhale before you start the next! Thanks for sharing these reasonable insights.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 7 weeks ago

      I believe it comes down to one's moral compass.

      Some people truly believe if you're not married you're single.

      It's also not uncommon for teenagers and those in their early 20s to "make commitments" without knowing who (they) are let alone what they want/need in a mate for life.

      Oftentimes in their eyes it's a case of:

      "I met the right girl/guy as in (you) at the wrong time."

      However the truth is they really weren't ready to settle down to begin with. Almost everyone has dated "Ms./Mr. Right Now". Essentially their current mate is someone who they're passing the time with while they pursue other goals/priorities.

      The mistake young people in particular make is believing they have to enter into an "exclusive relationship status" in order to date someone consistently. Older folks generally have no problem making it known that they're not looking to settle down or simply want to enjoy casual dating for a while.

      If a 17 year old boy with a girlfriend is flirting with a 16 year old girl odds are he is not going to end up married to either of them!

      The reality is teens and those in their early 20s should date for "fun" and not get overly emotionally invested in anyone.

      (This is something most parents advise their teenagers.)

      Unfortunately we lack the maturity and wisdom to know that this is the period in our life when our focus should be education and establishing a career. Instead we have these pretend marriages and suffer heartaches because we had unrealistic expectations.

      Thirty year olds looks back on how they thought they met their "soul-mate" at age 17 and laugh to themselves.

      Granted the older we become we start to have a "mate selection process" that is geared towards finding a life partner or spouse. Under those circumstances we don't want someone who isn't able to commit when that is what we're looking for.