He Has a Girlfriend, but Flirts With Me! What to Do When a Guy With a Girlfriend Likes You
He Likes Me, But Has a Girlfriend - A Problem of Choice
Did you accidentally find yourself flirting with a guy who already has a girlfriend?
Before you feel too guilty, know that you're not the only person in the world to have ever done this. In fact, it's a fairly common thing, and a bit of harmless flirting never killed anyone. As long as you don't cross the line or anything, it's pretty normal to be occasionally interested in people who already have partners.
On the other hand, do you actually want to "cross the line" and take things further? Are you feeling guilty because he's flirting with you hard and clearly wants to get busy behind his girlfriend's back?
This can be a problem, then. If you're the kind of person who likes to live a drama-free life, then take a few things into consideration before you yield into the temptation:
You Are Exciting Because You Are New to Him
He has a girlfriend, but flirts with you probably because he is bored.
Lots of times when people get bored in relationships, they start looking to branch out to someone else on the side. By all means, you could be an extremely interesting person, but a lot of the time when people are looking to cheat, they're just excited by the prospect of newness.
They want someone other than their partner. They want variety. This is why a guy who has a girlfriend might flirt with you and try to get in your pants. If his relationship is well-established, it's unlikely that he wants to leave it, and he's probably more interested in an easy fling.
If this is okay with you and you have no qualms about helping someone cheat, then fine. However, if you have delusions that you are going to be his new girlfriend or that your connection with him comes from some kind of sense of forbidden love, then take a hard, objective look at the situation.
In fact, you may not be the only one he is playing this game with.
He'll Lie to You Just as Easily as He Lies to Her
Does he talk badly about his girlfriend? Does she just seem like an awful person according to what he's told you, and you can't blame him for looking elsewhere for a girl?
Well, guess what? He's still with her. Chances are, his stories are greatly exaggerated and skewed to justify what he's doing. People do this a lot when they cheat on their partners. Not only does it help them feel a bit less guilty themselves, but it can elicit sympathy from the person they're cheating with.
If you are considering this guy as potential boyfriend material, you may want to give it some deeper thought. Is he trying to seduce you when he blatantly already has a girlfriend? Why wouldn't he just do the same to you if you were to get together, then? Wouldn't you always distrust him a little in the back of your mind?
If His Girlfriend Finds Out, You Might Be in the Middle of a Dramatic Breakup
If you start flirting back and eventually get physical with him, it could very easily get back to his girlfriend. While a mature person would leave you out of it, you have no guarantee that his girlfriend is like this. You never know if you'll end up getting pulled into the middle of the drama and have to take ten sharp manicured nails to the face.
Is this worth it? Do you want to deal with all of the emotional turmoil of someone else's relationship life? If not, then consider passing on this guy.
Like a Soap Opera
Have you ever been pulled into someone else's relationship drama?
What Should You Do If a Guy Has a Girlfriend, But Likes You?
All right, so naturally you want to avoid all of these disturbing possibilities, but how? What do you do to get what you want without being pushed into the role of "the other woman" or ending up a home-wrecker?
1) First, make your stance clear.
If you tell this guy that he's "wrong" for flirting with you, but then you flirt back and egg him on, you'll be sending mixed signals. After giving it some thought, pick one approach and stick with it. Either it's okay for the flirting to continue, or it's not.
2) Don't interfere with the relationship.
If you really like the guy, you may be tempted to steal him away from his girlfriend and break them up. This can set a really bad tone for the new relationship, though. It's better to let their relationship take its natural course.
If they were really on the rocks, it's only a matter of time that they'll break up anyway. If they weren't, then he had no intention of seeing you as anything more than a side piece, probably.
3) Swoop in when the dust clears.
Wait it out and if they break up, then you can swoop in and take the guy for yourself. This is how to properly get a guy with a girlfriend--by waiting until he is naturally single.
You might not want to wait that long, but it's the only way to give yourself a clean start to the new relationship without having it be overshadowed by the drama of the old one.
But I Want Him! He's Special! I Don't Care If He Has a Girlfriend!
If you are fixated on a guy to the point where you are willing to get between him and his girlfriend and destroy the relationship, then you probably have an unhealthy attachment to him. There are plenty of guys out there who are single and will flirt with you because they want you, not just the possibility of some sneaky side action.
Don't you think you're worth more than that, anyway?
Furthermore, if you've noticed a pattern of "stealing" other women's boyfriends when you look back on past behavior, you might have some internal issues that you need to examine. If you feel extra validated when you win the affections of someone else's partner, and you view love as some kind of competition, then it sounds like your self-esteem is pretty weak.
Take some time to be with yourself alone.
The Road to Drama is Paved With Good Intentions
One of the most common things you will hear someone say whenever they do something they later regret is that they "didn't mean to" at the time, and that it "just happened." This can certainly be the case in a situation where a guy is flirting with you, but has a girlfriend. Maybe it starts out as harmless flirting, but quickly escalates to something else unintentionally.
Be vigilant if you don't want this to happen. Be clear about your boundaries and what you don't want to do, and make sure that he knows this. Don't be coy about it, or else he will keep pushing until he gets what he wants. If you just want to "see where it goes," then it will naturally go where he wants it to go. The person with the strongest agenda in the situation will usually win.
Ask yourself: Where is this all going? If the answer is "nowhere good," then you know what you need to do.
Have you ever "stolen" someone's partner? (Convinced a person to break up with their partner and get with you.)
Questions & Answers
What do I do if the feeling is mutual with a boy who has a girlfriend?
Unless you want to get in the middle of it, leave him alone.
What do I do if a boy who has a girlfriend is persistently trying to get with me?
Then you can persistently say no.
Unless you would like to endure the drama of getting between two people in a relationship. In that case, do what you want.
What if the guy who flirts with me is my best friend, and I don't want to spoil my friendship?
Depends on the situation. If he has a girlfriend, either way, it's best not to get involved. Wait until they break up. Personally, I don't think romantic relationships spoil friendships, though--it's the neediness and expectations that people bring into romantic relationships that do.
© 2017 Jorge Vamos