Writer, researcher, self-improvement advocate, alternative astrologist, and a firm believer that Mercury must be destroyed.
There’s a lot of advice out there about how you can go about getting a girlfriend. A lot of it isn’t very good—though there are some promised methods and tricks that can work, the gamut of advice doesn’t help.
For one, women aren’t robotic objects who respond materialistically to inputs. What so many of these guides lack is the proper focus. More often than not, when I meet someone who desperately wants a girlfriend, what they really want is a happier outlook on life and they think that getting a girlfriend will magically fix that. It won’t, and even if a relationship happens, it is often quickly undermined by the cloud of negativity.
The first step is to start liking yourself. While it may seem silly and a bit cliché, if you don’t like yourself, others aren’t likely to find you that appealing either. It’s a confidence issue, and though you may not be conscious of it, you’ll be subtly sabotaging yourself via your own self-doubt and loathing. Many today suffer from a mix of unrealistic expectations, toxic masculinity, and an economy increasingly working against everybody who isn’t already well-off.
Moving beyond these expectations, giving up the toxic ideas, and finding a sense of self that is based on what makes you happy instead of standards that are made to sell products on television is far more important to a successful and fulfilling relationship than simply following advice on how to get a date, especially with somebody whose company you will actually enjoy.
How Exercise Can Help
There are plenty of places to start, but my favorite recommendation is exercise. It’s simply, it’s subtle, it has a number of positive effects, and it’s a good step to focusing on the self. I like exercise, primarily for two reasons. First, it helps to create a better body image, and not just in a physical sense. Because you’re physically in better shape, you’ll mentally have a more positive outlook on your appearance. Second, exercise releases endorphins, which produce a positive feeling as well.
Going about exercise is easy enough. Getting a gym membership, starting a routine, and all that is easy enough, but it's not really necessary. The goal isn’t to become some gym bro with bulging muscles. Let’s be honest, you’ve got to be dedicated and really enjoy that sort of thing to get to that point and most of us, well, don’t. One of the easiest things to start doing is going for a walk on the regular. There’s likely someplace nearby you can go—many metro areas are starting to try and develop greenway trails. Fresh air, sunlight, and the occasional social interaction. Throw in some push-ups and sit-ups and you’ve got yourself a simple and easy exercise routine. You can also go to your local retail store and pick up some cheap free-weights and incorporate those into your routine as well.
However, if you can swing it, I highly recommend getting a recumbent exercise bike. Let’s be honest, you’re going to be sitting and watching TV anyways. Why not sit and peddle while watching TV and get two things accomplished at once. I even manage quite a bit of reading done while watching random things on Netflix. You can also peddle on while playing on your Xbox or PlayStation. They also make sets of peddles that you can put under your desk if you’re more of the PC gaming persuasion.
The goal of your exercise routine isn’t to suddenly change your routine to become a gym rat. That will ultimately fail. You should be aiming to incorporate exercise into the things you already enjoy doing, or at least make conscious choices to not cut corners. Take the stairs instead of the elevator or just park in whatever parking spot you easily see instead of searching for something closer. Over time, these small efforts at exercise add up. A few weeks might not show much, but a few months of Netflix and peddle and you’ll probably start getting comments on how much better you’re looking.
Make Positive Improvements in Your Life
While this may seem vain, have little to do with the end goal, and even a little too bro-like, the goal is to start making positive improvements to your own life and making that momentum stick. Simply put, you’re working to solve your own problems first, not expecting some magical other to fix them for you. The lack of a significant other is rarely the root cause and almost never the solution. So, take some time and try to incorporate some of the little things.