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Gay Men: 7 Places to Find Your Next Boyfriend That Are Not in a Bar

Updated on July 27, 2016

Another Night at Bars?

You are a gay man who has been single far too long. You are good looking and smart, have a great set of friends, and take care of yourself: A “real catch,” you tell your buds. But something deep inside is telling you that the way you have been going about finding a man isn’t working.

As you check yourself in the mirror before getting ready to hit the bars again, you think,

“There has got to be a better way than the gay bars! I keep going week after week and no luck. Will it happen tonight? Oh crap, is that a pimple?”

Places to find a boyfriend that's not a bar
Places to find a boyfriend that's not a bar | Source

Seriously, being a gay man and trying to find someone to date is a real chore. There are tons of hurdles to overcome that can make it feel like the deck is stacked against us. One major barrier can be figuring out where to meet someone. While bars can be a fun place to hang out with our friends, they are not always conducive to romantic connections. And let's face it—as time goes on, the inability to meet a quality person can take its toll on our confidence.

After speaking with a number of formerly single gay men who are now happily partnered, I will now reveal seven places to find your next boyfriend that are not a bar.

7 Places to Find Your Next Boyfriend That Are Not a Bar

What follows are seven suggestions for places for gay men to meet a potential boyfriend that do not include a bar or nightclub.

You'll find suggestions you've heard before, some of that are unconventional, and others that may even be silly. But if you're trying to break out of the bars, you may want to give them all a chance. I will add that this list is by no means exhaustive—please feel free to add ideas in the comment section at the end of this article.

You have tried everything else–so what else do you have to lose? Okay—let's look at the list!

1. Dating Apps and Web Sites


You may be thinking that using apps and websites seems silly, but many gay men have met the guy of their dreams by using these types of platforms. Popular ones include OKCupid and Gay.

Others that are not as well known but nonetheless effective include the apps VGL Gay, Mister, and Tinder. Some of these are free while others cost a small amount (or charge a nominal fee for premium services). The great thing about apps and websites is that most all of them nowadays allow the user to input certain search criteria or filter out folks based on user preferences. You can also check MeetUp for gay groups of common interests in your area. If you like outdoor activities, check out Gay Outdoors.

Tips and Pointers:

Some report feeling “desperate” using apps and websites for dating purposes. If you are one of those people, you need to rethink this and do so quickly. According to recent research, there are 41 million people in the US who are currently looking to meet that special someone online. This statistic does not speak to the number of single gay men specifically, but we make up a fair amount of that number.

If you have tried dating using apps and sites before with no luck, consider using a different app. Scroll through your smartphone's options and pick something new. The idea here is to create change. Remember, dating is a numbers game. You have to put yourself out there in order to make it happen.

And here is one final point on this suggestion—while Grindr, Scruff, and other apps are great tools for meeting people, keep in mind that some of these platforms are more sexually charged than others. There is nothing wrong with this but if your goal is to date, using the right app is important.

2. Facebook

Keep reading this, and don’t skim because it is important. Reflexively, some may turn their nose up at the thought of using Facebook to “mine for dates,” but here is the thing you may not know: there are tons of gay people on this social media platform. We are talking millions! There are a number of fan pages and groups on Facebook that are specifically designed for gay men who are single and relationship-ready. Type “gay single dating” into Facebook's search box and see what comes up–lots! Remember, the people who are putting themselves out there are doing so with the same motivations that you are–to connect with someone for romance.

Tips and Pointers:

Did you know you can search Facebook for people on your friends list that are single? You sure can! Just punch in “single friends” or “my single friends” in the search box and see what comes up. You might be surprised. Of course, identification as single on Facebook depends on what the user indicates in their profile. But using this approach does allow you to see potential candidates. If they are an acquaintance, why not consider going out for a coffee? Later on the both of you might figure out that was your "first" date. Again, what do you have to lose?

3. LGBQ Events and Fundraisers


As a population, we gays are very giving. Plus, many of us like to get all dolled up and go to events, like fundraisers for the different causes we support. Some examples include cancer-related events, HIV/AIDS-related causes, civil rights galas, and the list goes on. And if you are thinking that you won’t go to one of these events if it means having to go alone, please reconsider! Many gay men make the mistake of bringing a +1 to an event because they are embarrassed to be alone. The problem is that your +1 may be sending a glitchy signal to your potential next man that you are “with” someone. Get rid of the wing-man. Why confuse folks?

Tips and Pointers:

Several gay men have reported that they met the guy of their dreams by offering to be a “Table Captain” for a given event. In this capacity, you help to fill the table by soliciting people for donations. As captain, you have control over who is seated at your table—which is a huge advantage for you! Plus, you get to network with others who may be single and thereby expand your circle of available men.

Go to the fundraiser with the mindset of supporting the cause you care about, but be open to meeting someone new. Attitude is everything. It was the famous French philosopher Renee Descartes who said, "I think –therefore I am." What do you think?

4. Local Community Classes

This particular suggestion has worked well for many gay men who were formerly single. Do you like photography? What about painting, fitness, biking, aviation, cooking, horticulture, and so forth? One of the great things about about taking a class is the built-in advantage of a shared interest! Many classes are free or at little cost. You can find them by doing a Google search using your hometown or county in the search terms and seeing what pops up. Throw in the word “gay” as part of your search and refine your choices even more.

Tips and Pointers:

Chose a community class you are genuinely interested in and not just one where you think all of the hot men will be. We gays come in variety of shapes, ages, and sizes and we aren’t as cookie-cutter as many of the stereotypes people sometimes believe. Remember, it is only a shared interest if it is genuine.

5. Volunteer

This particular suggestion is a twofer when you think about it. First, you get the benefit of giving the gift of yourself to a cause you care about. Second, you will undoubtedly meet new people. More than a few happily partnered gay men have reported that they met their man through this approach. And so if you care about the environment for example, why not contact your local Greenpeace? If your passion is supporting your local LGBT community center, why not call them to see how they can use your gifts?

Tips and Pointers:

Some people worry about the time commitment required to volunteer for an organization. This is a very valid concern. It helps if you are up front about what you can and cannot do when you speak to the volunteer coordinator. Even if you can only be a greeter for an annual event or work the coat check, for example, it is something. And hey, a little bit of something is better than a whole lot of nothing.

6. Professional Organizations


Yep, you read that right! A professional organization to which you may already belong likely has a chapter dedicated for LGBT members.

  • Are you a pilot? Why not join the National Gay Pilots Association (NGPA).
  • Are you a lawyer? Do a search on gay lawyer associations and see what pops up. In New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles for example, there are city-focused professional associations for lawyers.
  • Are you a doctor, nurse, physician’s assistant, or therapist? Guess what? There are gay chapters just for LGBT folks.

The point here is that whatever you do for employment, there is likely a professional organization with a gay-focused subdivision. Almost all of them hold events, including socials, mixers, and fundraisers. If you belong to one of these associations, great—your work is half done. If not, why not look for one that fits your particular background?

Tips and Pointers:

Use your professional organization’s LGBT subchapter as a way of networking and expanding your circle of available, single gay men. It is completely okay to let people know you are “on the market,” so to speak. As mentioned earlier, dating is a numbers game. But if you don’t play it, you can’t win. It’s all about attitude and knowing what you want, right?

7. Local Gay-Friendly Church or Spiritual Center

Some may recoil at this suggestion, but guess what? Many partnered men have reported meeting their husband at their local gay-friendly church or spiritual center. There are a lot of gay men who are deeply spiritual—and not just the bat-crap, self-loathing types that we often hear about, either.

If you have a local place of worship or other community-based venue for spirituality and you identify with what is offered, why not give it a try? More and more, religious organizations are recognizing that LGBT folks have spiritual needs. You might be surprised at what you find when you do a quick Google search on “gay + spiritual” in your area.

If you are one of those people who are not sure what you believe in, consider taking the Belief-o-Matic self-assessment. It’s free and you will likely learn something about yourself that perhaps you did not know before. Did you know there are gay communities of Agnostics, Quakers, Pagans, Humanists, and so forth? There sure are! And there are gay atheists who congregate, as well. Take the self-assessment to see where you fit in.

Tips and Pointers:

Obviously, going to a local gay-friendly church or spiritual center should be about your spiritual nourishment and well-being. Think about this first before you decide which venue for spirituality is best for you. However, this does not mean you can’t also meet new people, enjoy deeply meaningful connections, and perhaps bump into your new boyfriend!

Final Thoughts

The dream that one day, you will meet the guy of your dreams is a wonderful thing to dream about. But fantasizing and doing something to make it happen are two different things.

If you want to meet your next boyfriend, then you will have to take control of the process. The Promethean spark of love only happens if there are two available people who happen to be at the right place at the right time.

Gay bars are great but let’s be real–you are over them and have been for a long time! That’s why you read this article, isn’t it? Why not try something new? Tomorrow could be a great day!

Did I miss any places to find boyfriends? Leave suggestions in the comments!

Gay Men and Bars

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    • profile image

      Samuel 3 days ago

      Hey guys im sam (gay) from the Philippines looking for an honest men. For more info. About pls. Call +639152887479 thanks!

    • profile image

      nima 10 days ago

      Iam 31years old but my face is 25.plz gay life is not good because iam alone

    • profile image

      nima 10 days ago

      I need some one for love iam not drinking and smoking

    • profile image

      paul OGarra 6 weeks ago

      Hi..I think the problem is all this social media hype and a radical overuse of technology. Most people dont really want to be labelled or have to fit into defined groups in order to meet other people. My advice and i have never been alone for more than two or three months in all my 65 years is go out, or as my mother used to say, join clubs. Nothing changes only that the powers that me want to control us better for their own nefarious purposes.

    • profile image

      Sebastian 7 weeks ago

      Im looking for someone i could share the hardship and joy of life. Someone with whom i could take pride in each of our victories and put my backs and tears behind each of our struggles. Someone who would see the virtue of a knight instead of madman. Someone with whom i could strive for greatness. The one who would forgive my trespasses for i too am still learning to love. Someone who does not give up on words and promises but are willing to go through pain and wrong while building something and perhaps the only thing that really matters. Is out there another madman another man of chivalry? Or have all days of glory passed in favor of cheap hedonism?

    • profile image

      Charlus 2 months ago

      I like bars, gay or straight. I've met three of my lovers in bars, and my present long-term relationship included. Bars are only locked down upon by people who have too little intellectual substance and too little sophistication to enjoy alcohol and the faux-Lush-Life atmosphere. Being gay is not the equivalent of smile-button suburban respectability. If that were true I'd have given up on it a very long time ago! Pace alcoholics in recovery, for whom I have the greatest empathy and respect! But really, who wants to meet a fellow professional, etc. Not I? The great thing about being gay, for me, is a kind of constructive social irresponsibility. I don't need to feel respectable and I don't need someone whose "educational level" equals mine. I prefer, in fact, someone who is socially different from me. As long as they're smart and kind, who cares about the rest!

    • profile image

      MJ2 3 months ago

      David from 4 months ago...14 years is a long time. I've been in a relationship for 30 years...that's also a long time. I'm not sure monogamy is the answer either. I think we need variety. There is no easy answer, unless you meet your soul mate.

    • profile image

      kenny 3 months ago

      Happy new year 2017 hope we can share love and life

    • profile image

      Humphrey 5 months ago

      Looking for a boyfriend with a nice personality....You can have good looks but your personality sucks...The problem with gay guys is that they are so obsessed with looks....I am looking for honest, trustworthy, loving, understanding guy..I am from Kenya and I live in Los Angeles County...Hit me up on email hope to hear from you and we get to have a coffee together.

    • profile image

      Bill 6 months ago

      Finding guys for serious relationships is nearly impossible. I've been single for 10 years. Being single sucks. Period. Holidays are the worse. Planning for the future is a difficult task also. I'm trying to be positive about finding a guy. Would like to hear from other guys in the same situation. Billfromvermont at gmail. Have a good day.

    • profile image

      kwame 6 months ago

      i need a guy who will treat me queen and i will give my all

    • profile image

      Sontaya 7 months ago

      Hi, My name is Sontaya i am from Thailand, my line ID : pailouin , I need a nice boy friend

    • profile image

      Bumper 7 months ago

      Hi, My name is Sontaya, i am in Thailand my line ID : pailouin need boyfriend.

    • profile image

      David 7 months ago

      I would love to have a boyfriend it's been over 14 yrs now I'm nice quite good looking too

    • profile image

      Steve 8 months ago

      Ron I exist so you are wrong! I want the same! I feel the same! So don't give up!

    • profile image

      pradeep singh 8 months ago

      I m confused about my sexuality . How I can find out the right for me plz tell

    • profile image

      Rakesh 8 months ago

      I need a boyfriend im from India mumbai my no 8454887836

    • profile image

      remson 8 months ago

      am new to gay and am intresting any gay over there in usa am in nigeria holla me zero eight zero two six seven zero three eight five six.

    • profile image

      Ron 8 months ago

      Living in the Midwest there are gay churches, gay bars, and cruisy areas. But that is about it. If you are not into any of the 3 you are screwed. Besides most everyone is looking at the outside more than the inside of the person. there are people like me who is looking for a kind, gentle, trusting, honest person that a person can believe in. A person with a sense of humor and someone old fashioned enough to believe in the qualities of marriage and willing to work at it to make it continue and work. Someone who you can share your life with, someone that has taken the time to really know who I am as a person someone who is romantic in a lot of ways. Someone who is giving and tender, dependable and willing to be there when you need them such as a health issue etc. I do not think there is someone like that out there anywhere. I have not seen him. I guess I will die searching for it because it does not exist. I wish I could find someone that I can say to all I want is just him.

    • profile image

      Jimmy 8 months ago

      Hi I want a boyfriend as well. I am a 32 Asian man . Anyone interested me , pls pm me ..

    • profile image

      Michael 8 months ago

      I live on the side of a mountain in a great home. I'm 56 and in shape and was once one of the 26+ good-looking men that are so tragically without a date. Your site is for those great looking hunks that didn't score last Saturday night.

    • profile image

      Sam 8 months ago

      I hated myself for a long time until I found this book with a stereotype defying LGBT protagonist:

      It literally changed my life

    • profile image

      Douglas 8 months ago

      Lookmeup in Winston Salem NC

    • profile image

      zyga 8 months ago

      hi to hi. call me613 5214593

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 months ago

      I'm a 24 Year old Latino male who's in the closet due to professional reasons. :/

    • profile image

      Xin 9 months ago

      I'm looking for a serious boyfriend. Thanks.

    • profile image

      most 9 months ago

      hey i am looking for boyfriend any on taxt me on WhatsApp

    • profile image

      hi 9 months ago

      i am looking for a hot boyfriend

    • profile image

      pecansailR 10 months ago

      Am a Latino Silver-Bear!! In the Closet!!

    • profile image

      Brandon 16 months ago

      Sorry for the bad grammar and misspelling in my previous comment, basically what i was saying is that the stereotype of muscle men that most gay men want... Just want sex... And from what I've gathered... Most gay men in general... Just want sex...

    • profile image

      Brandon 16 months ago

      I've found that the typical tall, muscled/athletic men that are what most gay men look for, myself included, sadly enough, are just wanting to look for sex, and aren't generally (from experience dating them) the commuted type, my guess is that since truer buff and toned, their ego rises and they know they can hook up with nearly any man they please... So in their minds, they don't need to be tied down.

      I'm pretty much over the dating scene, and don't even want to hook up... Barely any gay man close to my age (20s) really wants a relationship these days...

    • petexanh profile image

      Peter 16 months ago

      I'll preface this with saying its an opinion based on anecdotal evidence and personal experience, rather than statistics. I trust much of this will ring true to many though. Also I feel none of this contradicts the above.

      As a gay man happily partnered for 10 years now (trust me...that's 30 in gay years) surrounded by single gay friends yet to have a boyfriend that come to me for magical insight, this is my 2 cents, after listening to their woes.

      More often the lack of gay population seems to be secondary to the mindset of partner hunting developed unconsciously from the scene, in which a 6 pack or big guns are considered more important than the ability to put two words together, let alone for any type of emotional connection. When I ask my friends what their ideal partner is, despite them being great boyfriend material, their 'type' has evolved into primary importance on physical attributes and anything else is secondary. Invariably this leads to very short-term relationships as they get to know each other beyond mutual interest in the gym. It also means that anyone who doesnt have the ideal physical profile can suffer from low self esteem, and the growth rate of eating disorders among gay men have never been higher.

      Then there are the ones who want a boyfriend, any boyfriend, and think of single life as being hell. As a result they either pick poor matches doomed to failure out of desparation, or sink their claws in on the first date and jealousy and fear just destroys any chance of getting further.

      So, to add another item on the list, I'd recommend opening your mind up to looking beyond your pictured 'type' because it might jut be putting blinkers on, and if you are still single after exhaustive searching then it clearly isnt working for you. Be happy and confident with yourself as a single person who doesnt 'need' anyone to make you feel complete. Finally, keep in mind in the tightknit minority community, chances are a high percentage of your friends and acquaintences are gay. Look again beyond your existing relationship with them and you might find something more.

    • profile image

      JobyTodd 17 months ago

      Thank you for the article.

      I teach.

      I write.

      I do some of the items suggested.

      Being single sucks.

      Yorktown, VA.

    • profile image

      who likes from phillippines 18 months ago

      Hi to all

    • profile image

      mit 18 months ago

      i want a guy

    • Howard Paul Shore profile image

      Howard Paul Shore 2 years ago from Culver City, California

      LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA HERE wanted: a nice boyfriend!

      i want to meet a nice guy for dating!

      i am NOT into drugs.

      i am NOT into cigarettes.

      i am NOT into drinking.

      i love to travel, sing karaoke, write, surf the web, watch movies, listen to 70s and 80s and 90s music, etc.

      my facebook is under: HOWARD PAUL SHORE

      my number is: three two three five one four two seven seven nine

      no blocked calls please

      no texting please

      ask for paul.

    • profile image

      Tin Man 2 years ago

      Gays are too much into labels and boxes and fantasies. I just want to meet a man who wants to date a unique person.

    • profile image

      Pietro 2 years ago

      I read this article, how can join in this ?? Am looking for a nice gay man

    • Blaber Blogger profile image

      Nischal Gurung 2 years ago from Muscat, Oman

      I have kinda been tired being single ans looking for the one for me... well for me... the internet.. wch means dating sites and facebook has not worked at all for me.. so probably ur other five option may help so I have my finger crossed and hope I find one soon ;)

    • gaymuscleandlove profile image

      CB Jones 2 years ago

      Eddie you are funny

    • profile image

      eddie dean 2 years ago

      Want a hock up

    • profile image

      tray 2 years ago

      I need one boyfriend

    • profile image

      Alex 2 years ago

      Sweet jesus that's bleak.

    • profile image

      German 2 years ago

      I am looking for a cool nice man in new Britain connecticut I am a person that don't look for any perblem I am all ways home.

    • profile image

      James 2 years ago

      All gay men just want one thing from you. First sex second money.

    • gaymuscleandlove profile image

      CB Jones 2 years ago

      Thanks Sherya, I appreciate you sharing here. Always needs to be an alternative to the bars for sure!

    • profile image

      Rick 3 years ago

      This was a great article. Not much out there on alternatives for gay men and dating. A few of these I head but there are a couple I never even thought about. Thanks!

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