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10 Red Flags That Gay Men Can’t Ignore on a First Date

John Hollywood writes about pop culture with a psychological twist; his articles are practical in nature with a "how-to" approach.

That First Date

You are getting ready to meet that handsome guy you met online or through a close friend for that all-important first date.

Feeling excited and a little nervous, you look hard in the mirror and think to yourself:

"Will he like me? What should I wear? Does my breath smell? Is my muffin-top showing?"

Seriously — going on a first date can be a bit of a challenge. This is particularly true for gay men who are new to the dating scene or have been off the market for an extended period of time.

After consulting with a number of gay men who were formerly single and now long-term partnered ... plus a few therapists who specialize in couples counseling at 2nd Story Counseling in Chicago, Mister Hollywood is ready to share some gay dating tips.

10 Red Flags for Gay Men on a First Date

What follows is a list of 10 “Red Flags” for gay men on a first date that should be thought of as potential warning signs that the guy may not be a good fit for you. Some of these red flags are obvious. Some are funny. Others are ones you may not have heard before and should not ignore. The list is by no means exhaustive.

Disclaimer: Not every point here may apply to your situation and is not set in stone. Think of these as general guidelines as opposed rigid rules.

They recently broke up

They recently broke up

1. He Just Got Out of a Long-Term Relationship

This point may seem particularly obvious but the truth is that many gay men fall into the trap of ignoring this red flag. In gay years the phrase “long term” can often differ from straight folks. A long term relationship for a gay man can be subjective at best. As a rule of thumb, 2 years or more is a good yardstick go by, give or take.

What is important is this – the amount of time he has been out of his same sex relationship. If he was in a five year relationship and is now out on the market six months after the breakup, he is very likely not going to be emotionally available or emotionally capable of a real relationship again for some time. And if he still lives with his ex and is claiming, “We still live together but are not in a relationship” or anything like that, you need to run.

Here are some more tips under this point:

  • He says you remind him of his “ex” several times during first date
  • He talks about his ex the entire date or calls you by his ex's first name (run!)
  • He tells you he wants a serious relationship (remember, he just broke up)
  • He is just coming on too strong and acting like you two are a serious couple.

2. He’s Checking Out Other Guys and Flirting

Yep, this is one that should seem obvious but is ignored more than folks might think. If you are out on a real date and you are noticing that the guy you are out with is continually checking out other dudes, flirting or both - it is probably a good indication that this guy is not for you. There is an off chance that he is trying to impress you by demonstrating how he can attract other people but do you really want to deal with that?

And here is another possibility . . . he just isn’t into you. Instead of manning up and telling you that, he is flirting with other dudes. This point sucks and not something you want to hear but checking out other guys on a first date really is not a good sign for something long term.

Other tips under this red flag during the first date:

  • He keeps going on Facebook or Twitter or some other dating app
  • He talks about how hot another guy is on your first date

3. He Wants to Go to a Bar

Perhaps another obvious warning sign but worth mentioning. If he wants to meet you at a local gay bar for a first date, he probably isn’t the right guy for you. The same goes that if after your official first date activity, like a coffee or a dinner, he wants to go to "the bars" .. it should be a warning sign that this guy is not long term material.

The reason being is that the first date should be about getting to know one another. If he is already needing to go hang out at a bar on your first date, he likely is not ready to focus on you or a relationship. Some may disagree with this point. You decide.

Some other tips under this red flag:

  • He tells you he meets all of his dates at bars
  • He seems to crave attention and needs an audience
  • Most of his pictures are of him at clubs and yeah ... bars
He drinks too much

He drinks too much

4. He Drinks Too Much Too Fast

Obviously, this is a subjective warning sign however, there are tell-tale things that you should be looking for under this red flag. One of them is the amount of alcohol he is consuming and the speed in which he is doing it. If you notice that he is pounding back glass after glass of wine (or some other drink) and that he is encouraging you to do the same – run.

Look, there is nothing wrong with a few drinks on a first date however, when it gets to the point that he needs to get bombed in order to function, he’s likely not going to be a good match for you. Same holds true if he shows up at your first date stoned. Run like hell.

Other under this red flag:

  • He wants you to get high with him
  • He talks a lot about how much he "parties" or "parTays"

5. He Has Less Than One Year of Sobriety

A guy who is in a recovery program for drugs and/or alcohol should be applauded and supported. That however does not mean he is ready to start dating. As a general rule of thumb, people in recovery programs, like a 12-step program (AA, CMA, NA…) are encouraged to stay away from the dating scene for 1-year.

This is not a hard and fast rule but is generally encouraged. The reasons are plentiful but the primary one is that the guy needs to be focusing on his recovery. A debatable “red flag” perhaps but one that cannot be ignored.

He's rude and a jerk

He's rude and a jerk

6. He Is Rude to Wait Staff and Others

If the guy you are with on the first date treats wait staff, box office attendants or others disrespectfully or rudely, he is showing his true colors. He is also demonstrating that he is a jerk and is likely unaware of how uncomfortable his behavior makes you feel.

If the guy you are out on a first date with is treating people like crap, how do you think he will treat you down the road?

Other tips under this red flag:

  • Seems to have a quick temper and goes off on small stuff
  • Does not say "thank you" or "please" when speaking to you or others
  • Orders people around like he owns the place

7. He Says He Is Straight-Acting

Whenever you hear a gay man suggest that he “acts straight” or is "straight acting" you need to be concerned.

There is a difference between being masculine and “acting” hiding who you are. And what exactly does "acting straight mean" At its core, it's called internalized homophobia when a gay dude says this.

There are many gay men who are masculine and their sexual orientation is not readily obvious.

With that shared, if your first date makes it a point to say he “acts straight” and goes out of his way to identify as straight to others around him, you really need to carefully consider if this person is for you.

Other points under this red flag:

  • He emphasizes his religious beliefs that are known to be anti-gay.
  • He identifies as a die hard republican and supports anti-gay candidates
  • He shares that he is “confused" about his sexuality (run!)

8. He Is Looking to Hook Up Immediately Before or After the Date

First Date Poll

If you are getting the vibe on your first date that the guy is looking to hook up or otherwise mess around, this may be a fairly good indication that he is really not interested in dating. This particular point is not to judge but instead, to act as a potential red flag for his agenda. And hey, there is nothing wrong with hooking up – but aren’t you wanting something a little more?

Other tips under this red flag:

  • During the goodnight kiss his hand reaches towards the southern regions
  • He talks too much about bedroom positioning (top drawer/bottom drawer)
  • He can’t look you in your eyes when you kiss (umm, yeah that is a red flag)

9. He Talks Too Much About Himself

On your first date, it is only natural and human to talk about oneself a little. If however the guy you are going out on a date with is going on forever and a day about his life, his job, his car, his family, his dogs …his, his his …. There is likely going to be problems with compatibility.

Other tips under this red flag:

  • He asks very little about you during your first date
  • He makes you feel like you are being qualified for a car loan
  • He starts to immediately playing the game of materialistic comparisons
  • Name dropping of celebrities or well connected people in town
  • He’s looking waaaay too much at his reflection in his stirring spoon
Blinded and hooked on his look

Blinded and hooked on his look

10. You Ignore These Red Flags and Others Because You Are Hooked on His Look

Do his muscles, charm and smile blind you to some of the red flags mentioned here or perhaps other red flags that you have heard of in the past? Does he make you feel overly insecure because you feel he is just too good looking to be with you? Does anything about that first date make you experience negative, familiar feelings from the past where you were in a space that was not good for you? If so, these are important warning signs.

Too many get hooked on the look and find themselves in impossible, painful, one-sided and one way relationships. Pay attention to how his physical appearance causes you to feel. If you come away from that date feeling “less than” or “ugly” then you are the person who is not ready to be in a relationship.

Other potential red flags:

  • You won’t talk about yourself because you feel “less than”
  • You feel the need to brag or go out of your way to impress him
  • You've dated his type before and you keep repeating the cycle
  • Can you name some other red flags that you ignore?


C1993 on April 13, 2020:

I really dont like calling out conservative believers like that. Politics and religion are tough enough, and not all gays are liberal atheists. That swings both ways: its nearly impossible to be a conservstive believer and date someone that isnt. I get the point: conservatives dont support gay policies, but there's so much more to me than being gay. Religion too. Most arent exactly tollerant. But that doesnt make a believer undatable. Youll have work. But thats a relationship. better phrasing would have been that your beliefs and values arent aligned.

Rye on September 26, 2018:

I think a good closing to this article is to also evaluate your own behavior. Don't be afraid to recognize your own faults. It will only make you better. Nobody is perfect. Ask yourself, are you raising any flags?

We should aspire to be a healthy, genuine and loving partner to someone. It's not just about what you're getting. It sounds crazy to some people but you should WANT to give your partner a relationship they want, too. :)

David E Shannon on January 26, 2018:

It is a good list. And red flag doesn't always mean run. It can just be cautionary. You might want to pursue the friendship, if you are getting along well in other ways.

Actually. my main concern is that it equates "dating" with looking for a long-term relationship. There are lots of other reasons to go out with someone, often repeatedly. I use dating to get to know people, and to sort out what kinds of friendship are possible. A primary relationship is only one of them, and it's not very near the top of the probable list.

Of course, this is on the "Paired Life" site. But even so, it seems a bit narrow, perhaps especially so for gay men.



BOB on January 22, 2018:

Dave and i have been together for 46 years come this July 21 and the ONE thing to KEEP IN MIND ------you don;t own each other--------


Mike on January 07, 2018:

I just had a three hour dinner date and the whole conversation revolved around his life, his job, his ex, his cat his family, etc., etc.. He didn’t ask a single question about me. PLEASE...if your date asks something about you take time after answering him and ask something about him too. That’s called a polite conversation and basic respect.

Notadude4dudesbutsympathetic on October 22, 2017:

These "rules" are very general and apply to all people that should not be dated.

k on July 18, 2017:

I agree with most of them. if they check on other guys. when they kiss you don't look into ur eyes. they drink too much to like you for one night stand. they don't ask you personal questions and just talk rubbish to break the silence.

Any of these please RUNNNNNNNNNNN

Jóhann on April 30, 2017:

This was awesome. I should go with my gut more. I have been single 12 years now and I am wondering if love is ever going to happen again for me. If it does at least I know what to look out for.

Dean on January 24, 2016:

it is true some people are unable to see the sense of humor used by the author but reading the article like this it shade light to many people who seek for advise like this. Also it such a shame for some people who are always waiting to criticize others for everything they do instead of supporting and use their common sense to correct where it wrong don't you know those who criticize others often are not perfect? (speaking for king and queens of criticism) By the way the hub is gr8t.

dick guzzler on October 15, 2015:

what's wrong with getting stoned again...?

John Hollywood (author) from Hollywood, CA on July 29, 2015:

Hi, Joe,

Thanks for sharing. At least you are honest about it!

joejoeg on July 26, 2015:

I'm one of those guy that the red flag type I want to change my attitude. I want to hook up with guys or try to flirt with just to hook up with them. I read this and said some of this true. I really change

Thanks for the advice

John Hollywood (author) from Hollywood, CA on April 29, 2015:

Excellent point!

rem on April 26, 2015:

One thing to pay attention to is if they ask s lot if personal questions you aren't comfortable speaking about. And when they seem to be pushing you to go in s direction you don't want to.

John Hollywood (author) from Hollywood, CA on February 05, 2015:

Interesting Warren - thanks for the share!

warren on February 04, 2015:

Here's a good one. tell him you will not have sex until at least after the 4th date. 90 percent of the guys will not get back to you, and you know they were ONLY after the play, not even remotely interested in getting to know you.

Trey on January 25, 2015:

You've really imsepsred me with that answer!

John Hollywood (author) from Hollywood, CA on December 26, 2014:

Thanks, Bruce for stopping by. Sorry to hear of your relationship woes. Good point on the escorts!

Bruce on December 24, 2014:

Thanks for the great article.

My disastrous last relationship unfortunately hit nearly every point.

Rather than being blinded by looks,my downfall was deciding he was 'the one' the first time we met.

After years of feeling less than and compensating for his shortcomings- I am finally working on myself. To meet the rite guy I need to be the person I would be attracted to- not the messi became.

Lastly, the comment by Pookie is a prime example of guys 'not ready to date'. Some guys grow up and mature, yet others are in their 50s+ living day to day- hookup to hookup. If getting off is the only concern, then great for them. This keeps the escorts and users in business when that same man is lonely and horny at age 69+++.

Thanks, Bruce.

John Hollywood (author) from Hollywood, CA on November 09, 2014:

Thanks, Dan!!!

Dan on November 07, 2014:

Genuine page. Don't listen to the negative comments, those guys must have been through a lot, are wounded and heart broken and still need to come to terms with the red flag signs they'd failed on noticing before. Things aren't easy with dating, we all know that and I give them credit for that. Don't give up though. Advice on pages like these genuinely helps.

John Hollywood (author) from Hollywood, CA on October 09, 2014:

It sounds like you are dealing with a lot Coco

coco on October 09, 2014:

well, i think i have to end our communication. it seems that he is only interested of having sex with me, based on what i read from this article. He always asked me if i am going to his house and often open up conversations about sex. poor him.. i am actually serious of loving him even if he is 25 years older than me.

Lee on October 03, 2014:

I love it and so dead true. I've been guilty of the last one but just so I can get it on before saying bye. I have adhered to most of these but not until I reached the wise age of forty something.

Well written and fun to read too!

John Hollywood (author) from Hollywood, CA on August 24, 2014:

Jean, I like your sense of humor! Yes - there is a lot of comedy in this post but some people were unable to see this. Others however picked up on it right away (like you)! Of course, behind every giggle is a little truth. Hehe

Jean Bakula from New Jersey on August 24, 2014:

I thought that a lot of this advice is great for all couples, not only gay ones. After a quick scan of some of the comments, it appears some people don't get your sense of humor :). It's OK, they're Republicans. Kidding.

John Hollywood (author) from Hollywood, CA on August 22, 2014:

Keven, just wanted you to know I read your response here and I think we all gained from your insight. Thanks so much and I am sorry to hear what happened in the relationship you discussed here. Truly stinks man.

Keven on August 22, 2014:

Easy poll since only one correct answer. He wants to hookup too fast since he might not be flirting with other guys on purpose to get in YOUR pants so is no brainer no sex on first date this century for sure & mistake I made in past.

I've never had a hookup, never will but I have had sex on the first date once before which in that case ended up in a two decade long relationship. The warning signs did not happen on our first date and was not about doing it since it was love at first sight situation very unusual so not a hookup since I was faithful nearly 20 years with him, never would cheat but he got a roof over his head, cars, video game systems & everything at my expense. I was blinded by love. I loved him, he loved my money at the time.

When I got sick with a health problem no one can catch and things looked bad for a year, he dumped me for a guy 15 years younger than he is! I had been lied to, cheated on, used & even poisoned with something not going to say on here but from him putting it in my food.

Careful of those first impressions! They might be dangerously wrong but sex on first date would be out for me now that I know better even if sparks are there for potential LTR. As former model, I look a lot younger than my age so I notice guys interested in my looks not me & I need love not someone into just looks.

john calderwood on August 21, 2014:

well i don't think im good enough for a guy but i really want someone, i want a guy who makes me feel important, i don't see why i can't have a boyfriend if im not that confident, i want someone who gives me that confidence

John Hollywood (author) from Hollywood, CA on August 12, 2014:

Thanks for sharing and I respect what you have shared here - truly.

Pookie on July 29, 2014:

Item number one should be: He wants to go on a date.

As a rule, gays do not date. We hook up and then need to look for the next best, younger, richer, more handsome man.

The gays that date are usually deplorable physically or emotionally (possibly both) and over 30. No self-respecting gay wants anyone over 30 unless they are rich and have a hot body.

Cory from West Texas on July 03, 2014:

I read the "disclaimer," but WOW. In some parts of the country, the only places you can go and not be stared at by the overly homophobic (who by the way where I live have thrown homophobic insults at me for holding the hand of my autistic son) IS a gay bar.

And that brings me to my second point: There are some of us out here with children with disabilities. And specifically with autism, my son's "severe" kind (though I'm loathe to use the term "severe), when I got divorced my ex wife and I had long discussions about living arrangements as my son would have his entire sense of himself in the world ruined if one of us weren't living here.

I am living with my ex and truly not in a relationship with her. As a matter of fact, she got engaged this past week, and everyone involved gets along great, and I'm proud to say I introduced them to each other. They are great together! And he is going to make a fantastic step-dad!

But beyond that fact, this is 2014. If I were to move out, I am in the financial position where I'd be able to afford it. Because it is 2014, a LOT of people AREN'T in the financial position to up and leave who they've been sharing a house with for years, children or not.

I am well aware that me sharing a house with my ex as well as having a son with a disability makes me "undatable" to most gay men: trust me, they've told me. What's disappointing is that this article is telling me the same thing. What's more disappointing is that many good men out there in the world will be told the same thing due to their life circumstances. What's sad is that you're bolstering that prejudice by telling them the same thing.

I am full aware that I will die single because of this fact about myself. Though, for the record, each of the three men I've had serious relationships all called me within a year to ask if we can get back together. I did with one, I didn't with the other two. But if I am single for the rest of my life, that's my duty as a parent and my love for him is greater than my own desires.

I'm just disappointed that an otherwise perfect guy (I can name three of my friends who are in the same position as me, all AMAZING, unbelievably hunky guys who are all several states away from me) like the friends I just talked about parenthetically will never be given a chance other than being a toy for someone else's sexual desire.

I do realize there's a "disclaimer," as I said, but given your emphasis on not only that but a few other things I found honestly to be ridiculous. I don't say this to insult you (though in fairness you did insult me), I say this to inform you that not all men who love men are the same, and that's the real tragedy of gay culture in general and this article (which ironically I find you as a writer to be contradictory in fault): the "mental shopping list" and "car loan application" you rail against.

I pass with flying colors all the time, until they find out I care for someone else's happiness more than my own's. Supposedly that's what everyone searching for love is looking for- a selfless loving guy. Perhaps that's the ultimate irony of not only my dating experiences but this article.

Satisfakshin on February 26, 2014:

1, 2, 6, a bit of 7 and 9 make some sense... the rest are just over the top generalizations.

Duane on February 25, 2014:

Yeah this list is absolute garbage I honestly don't even know where to begin.....

Mona Sabalones Gonzalez from Philippines on January 18, 2014:

This list could also apply to men and women dating. Your flags are very red flags -- crimson:)

Herman Nilsson on January 09, 2014:

Well Ben and Ken (maybe you're the same person?), I think you have made my point nicely.

I don't think it is any stretch when I observe that you hate republicans and you have systematically avoided the central question to my rebuttle. By so doing, it's also obvious that you prefer cheap smears and name calling to reasoned debate.

This gay man thought that, as a community, we were better than that.

In the early days of the struggle for our equality, activists knew that silence equals death. They knew the way forward required that we communicate what we wanted, needed and why.

Because of Ken and Ben (twin brothers, maybe?) the struggle continues. Mark Steyn understands this...


In the march for equality, we all have a role to play! I cannot see how equality can be achieved while this community harbors such divisions. We cannot move forward while leaving Republicans behind.

Damon on January 08, 2014:

Great article! Shared with some friends. I see you caught the attention of the wingers because one has appeared on your commentary board.


Ben on January 08, 2014:

What a judgmental and hetero-normative screed! Have you thought that someone just wants a long-term fuck bud? Or to get laid after a relationship is actually therapeutic? Or that finding a third on your date is a rare pleasure and/or may be more revealing of the person you're dating? Don't offer me this monogamous/Log Cabin republican bullshit as advice!

Herman Nilsson on January 08, 2014:

Your points are taken, Ken.

You still failed to answer the central question to my rebuttle, "If a gay Republican is not worthy of love and acceptance and collectively the community represented in this article rejects all gay republicans, is that community worthy of love and acceptance from the gay republican or his broader community, the GOP?"

To put it in terms that you might understand, the absence of love is hate, so wasn't the article, in some part, really about hate and the prejudices of the author to begin with?

Ken on January 07, 2014:

I loved the article and thought you hit all of the important points. Yes, there are generalizations but in an article like this I would expect that. At least he put something out there for gay men and first dates and not the usual crap we see around the Internet.

I read the ignorant and hostile remark made by Herman Nilsson and just about puked. The information in point #7 needs to be read in its entirety and in CONTEXT and not cherry picked like Nilsson did. Mr. Hollywood is saying IF a guy says he is "straight acting" and pretends or denies that he is gay, then the guy is engaging in internalized homophobia.

I did not read Mr, Hollywood said republicans or anyone else could not be loved. The way I read it at all, the author is saying the opposite, meaning that if a gay man DENIES who he and is living a complete lie, he cannot love HIMSELF. And how can a person truly love another if they don't love themselves first. If a gay man supports rabidly anti-gay candidates, that says a lot about who they are. It's like a black person supporting political candidates who support a "southern strategy" or latinos supporting candidates who are anti-Hispanic.

For the record, I once dated a man just like this. It was terrible. He constantly made cracks against fellow gays, bragged how he supported like Rick Santorum and make sure he went to chic-fillet so that people would see the cup he was drinking out of. He was one of the most self-loathing gay men I have ever met.

Not sure how long the author will let the hateful post Nillson stay up because it looks like someone is trying to flame the discussion. I just wanted to be a voice here to push back against a political troll.

Kim on January 06, 2014:

#6 is a valuable tip, commonly phrased as "Never date anyone who is rude to the waiter". I dated a guy who was and never saw him again. It's got nothing to do with how I think he might treat me down the road, but more generally a red flag about a person's lack of compassion/empathy/decency.

Herman Nilsson on January 06, 2014:

Why Republicans should hate Gays....

I pondered whether to make this post for the last day, but it has to be said - this post describes perfectly why Republicans should hate gays.

The advice in this article is reasonable, until you get to item 7 - he says he's straight acting, and another point is, "He identifies as a die hard republican and supports anti-gay candidates."

Face it, gays come in all shapes, sizes, creeds, cultures and even political persuasions. In fact, gays have been out and organizing within the Republican Party for more than 35 years through the Log Cabin Republicans.


There are so many reasons why a gay would consider involving themselves in the GOP, would choose to organize in support of equality inside of the Republican Party and would strongly support a Republican Candidate - even one that you might consider to be anti-gay. For example, the "Give a Damn" campaign contrasts gay rights with the plight of starving kids in the third world and demands that if the picture of two men kissing on the left shocks you more than a picture of starving kids on the right you need to revise your view on immorality. I would suggest expending political resources to help the starving kids on the right OVER the gay couple kissing on the left because life is precious - but wouldn't this be a great SUBSTANTIAL discussion to have on a first date, to get to know someone?

MisterHollywood, the pen name on this post, is having none of that!

What the author is suggesting in this article is that a gay republican is somehow not worthy of his love and acceptance, and continues to counsel that that a gay republican is not worthy of your love acceptance. This of course begs the question, "If a gay Republican is not worthy of love and acceptance and collectively the community represented in this article rejects all gay republicans, is that community worthy of love and acceptance from the gay republican or his broader community, the GOP?"

If you think so, why?

I think we all deserve to be loved and accepted for who we are.

ISpeakOnlyTruth on January 05, 2014:

I find this article DEAD ON!

Anyone who finds it silly must see themselves somewhere in 1 to 10 - if not in all of them!

I think many could relate having dated with someone from each of these, if not numerous in one person!

Adam on January 05, 2014:

Mister Hollywood you rocked it with this article and hit all of the points I have messed up on over the years. Thanks man!

Joe on January 05, 2014:

I thought this was a pretty good article, except for the frequent use of the word "Run!" There are more dignified and respectful ways of disengaging with someone. You don't have to run. You can walk away calmly.

mikesquid on January 05, 2014:

how funny this article

Dimitri on January 04, 2014:

I just want to know who kisses someone while looking into their eyes. In my experience, people usually keep their eyes closed when kissing. Staring at each other that close would make you look cross-eyes to say the least.

Mark on January 04, 2014:

I'm glad that you referenced drinking / recovery numerous times in this article. It's hard to get to know someone if they can't be present. I especially love the reference to bars because it shows a preoccupation with drinking.

And as a recovering alcoholic myself, I remember dating only a few months in and it was a disaster. I was still in an absolute cloud, and became utterly obsessed with the guy. In a way HE became my drug. And of course it didn't work out and of course I was devastated.

Thanks for the article!

HugeBannana on January 04, 2014:

You nailed a lot of these Mister Hottiewood. I am a recovering alcoholic with 15 years sober. I tell all of the people I sponsor that they need at least a year of sobriety before they can ever think of dating seriously again. Love your articles and just Liked you on FB.



LeNair Xavier from Brooklyn, New York on January 04, 2014:

I found a few generalizations here. Enough that maybe one of them should have been replaced with the opposite of #9.

For I've found myself talking a lot about myself on dates, but not by any choice of my own. We get on a topic about ourselves. To him, I seem to have an interesting backstory, then because we're on a date, I'm tired of hearing my own voice, so I turn the question over to him to tell me about himself. But he offers NOTHING. And it's just that. It's not because I don't find his backstory interesting. It's because I never get the chance to find out. For HE doesn't find his story interesting enough to share.

With that said, him not having enough confidence in his life experiences to share them should be a red flag to replace maybe #5. For everyone's recovery timetable isn't the same. For some don't even need a year. Meanwhile, others need 5 years.

John Hollywood (author) from Hollywood, CA on January 04, 2014:

It likely is a fluke with Google algorithms. After awhile it will go away. Thanks for visiting!

Andy on January 04, 2014:

Is it only me... but why does an ad for Christian Mingle pop up on this article... entitled: Gay Men: 10 Red Flags on a First Date That You Can’t Ignore. Oh if they only matched men with men.

Victor on January 04, 2014:

This reminds me of any man straight or gay. I know when I went on my last date I felt sorry for the guy cause soooo many ppl put him up on a pedestal due to his looks. He lacked any humility and it made me uncomfortable. Good thing was that he realized it. So if someone is a bit big for their britches don't discount them cause it might not be a douchiness at the core level.

Richard on January 04, 2014:

Thanks Mister Hollywood for putting this out there. People may not like some of what appears but at least somebody put something out there for younger gay guys like me to work from. I've made many of these mistakes, like dating a guy with 3 months clean time from drugs. It was a disaster.

MJE on January 04, 2014:

I agree, this article is an over-generalization of gay men as a whole, however some of these "tips" are contradictory (e.g. he talks about himself too much; he makes you feel like you are being qualified for a car loan). Do you want your date to ask about your life or not?

this list offend you? on January 04, 2014:

Not sorry

John on January 04, 2014:

Whoever believes a thing on this list is a reason not to date someone, is themselves someone I wouldn't want to date.

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