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20 Signs He Wants a Relationship

Andrea writes on various topics from dating, couples, astrology, weddings, interior design, and gardens. She studied film and writing.

He likes spending time with you, but he does he want a relationship with you? Look for the subtle hints that can help you determine if he likes you...or if he likes you not.

He likes spending time with you, but he does he want a relationship with you? Look for the subtle hints that can help you determine if he likes you...or if he likes you not.

He Likes You, But Does He Want to Pursue a Relationship?

He keeps staring at you, giving you compliments, and randomly giving you hugs—he definitely likes you. For now, we'll say that's enough to know that he enjoys the time he spends with you and appreciates you. Congrats!

But is that enough to say that he wants you to be his girlfriend? Not so fast—this is where things get tricky. There are a number of reasons why a guy might think a woman is cool but doesn't want to pursue a relationship with her. If you're investing a lot of time and energy into this person, it's important to know what his motives are before you fall too hard.

Even though you guys might spend a lot of time talking or hanging out, it's hard to know for sure if someone wants a commitment or not. Here are a few signs and subtle hints that he wants to start a serious relationship with you.

1. He consistently makes a special effort to be around you.

He consistently makes a special effort to be around you—being "busy" will never be an issue. He is busy, I'm sure, but he'll still manage to make time for you and figure out how to bring you into his life as often as possible. If he isn't seeing you in person and making that effort, then he probably isn't that interested in a relationship.

2. Guys who seriously want to date you will do so in person...

Guys who seriously want to date you will do so in person...not through texting, chatting, or other mediums. (Including actual psychic mediums. If he's trying to talk to you through a psychic medium, he probably is just looking for some side entertainment or sorts...or a way to get bankrupt.)

3. Does he like you enough to court you?

Does he like you enough to court you? It may seem like it would faster to take all the initiative in a relationship yourself, but you need to let him initiate sometimes. If he cares about you, he should be willing to put himself out there every so often.

4. He aligns his plans with yours.

He aligns his plans with yours. If he makes sure his plans line up with yours, that means he's serious; otherwise, he's fickle.

5. He makes time for you.

He makes time for you. Time is the most valuable gift we can offer anyone—it's more precious than even your body.

If a guy wants a serious relationship with you, he'll make an effort to take you to nice places and spend time with you.

If a guy wants a serious relationship with you, he'll make an effort to take you to nice places and spend time with you.

6. He makes an effort to take you out and buy you dinner.

He makes an effort to take you out and buy you dinner. Not every guy who buys you dinner wants to be in a relationship, but a guy who does want to get serious will likely take you out to somewhere nicer, more upscale—somewhere you'll have to wear something nice. Some guys are posh and like to hang out with ladies in pretty black dresses all the time, but really? How often?

7. Speaking of wearing something nice

Speaking of wearing something nice—if he gives you jewelry on a whim, he probably sees you as more than just some pretty girl he hangs out with. Guys don't usually splurge or take time to look at pretty or interesting jewelry for someone they're not interested in.

8. He asks about your family and genuinely wants to meet them.

He asks about your family and genuinely wants to meet them. People don't usually have an interest in other people's families unless they want something serious.

9. He wants to introduce you to his family, his dog, his cat, his neighbor, his best friends

He wants to introduce you to his family, his dog, his cat, his neighbor, his best friends......you get the idea, right?

10. He sends you handwritten letters.

In the age of texting, emails, and Facebook, who has time for letters? Only people who are serious, like family, best friends, and people who want to stare deeply into your eyes and talk to you about getting old.

11. He brings you flowers.

This doesn't necessarily mean he wants a relationship, but it does mean he values you.

12. He gets protective over you—but not in a misogynistic way.

Misogynistic tendencies are red flags you should not ignore—let those red flags guide you far, far away from Mr. Chauvinism. But if he is gently protective of you, he'll try to make sure you're safe. He'll check for bad guys, but will also teach you how to use a baseball bat to knock out spiders or whatever. And, above all, you feel safe when you're with him, which is one of the highest compliments to a man's integrity.

A guy who likes you will try to keep you safe in a respectful way.

A guy who likes you will try to keep you safe in a respectful way.

13. Questions, questions, questions, followed by more questions.

A guy on the hunt for a relationship turns into a detective. He wants to know everything about you, and it can feel like he's taking notes on a crime scene. He'll ask where you live, if you have family nearby, where you work, what animals you have, etc. Enjoy this stage while it lasts. He probably won't leave enough room for you to ask questions about himself. You may have to remind yourself to ask him questions, because really—he's just a tad too focused on you to see clearly.

14. He doesn't normally talk about your body.

He doesn't normally talk about your body—and if he does, it's short-lived and sweet, like "Those are nice earrings," "You have pretty hair," or "Your smile is nice."

15. Guys who want relationships often blatantly say it.

They're analyzing every move you make to see if you're interested as well, and sometimes what they're thinking just falls out of their mouth. You can really tell a lot just by listening to him.

16. He doesn't go on and on and on about other women.

If he is doing that, he isn't ready to settle down.

17. Before you hear "I love you," you'll hear "I miss you."

It'll come out of nowhere. You may have gone on a vacation for two weeks then come back to some pottery class you've been attending... and then all of a sudden someone you've recently met there will give you sappy eyes and a, "I missed you. I thought you quit." The "I miss you" isn't near as much of the plague as "I love you," but it's endearing. We miss what we value. This person may not even know it yet, but there's probably a spark/potential/confetti party hidden somewhere in this connection that you should consider, especially if they gave you really big sparkly eyes while saying it.

Does he wait a while between texts to respond? Does he seem interested but afraid of coming on too strong? That means he probably wants a relationship.

Does he wait a while between texts to respond? Does he seem interested but afraid of coming on too strong? That means he probably wants a relationship.

18. A guy who likes you might be prone to sudden mood swings.

Unfortunately, as we grow to like someone, our bodies get stressed out and go through various hormonal shifts. This should not be the only clue, but sometimes it can get nerve-wracking to have sweaty palms, butterflies in your stomach, an adrenaline rush, and restless thoughts just because you've taken a liking to someone. If someone has unrequited love, this hazy mess is even worse because all that energy is getting pent up inside. Either that wall has to come down, or someone is going to run away from you so they can get rid of all these feelings that decided to settle in their stomach.

19. He's more mature.

No one comes fresh out of the womb looking for a relationship. You have to grow up somewhat, and that emotional clock is different for everybody. Some people may be ready to get hitched at 21, while others are going to wait until their 40s or beyond. Everybody's different. However, someone who is closer to their 30s is probably more likely to be thinking of getting serious compared to someone in their early 20s. They've probably gotten a few things they want out of life and now feel independent enough to handle a relationship, because let me tell you...it's like handling explosive fireworks. It's going to be great—but if you're not ready, it's a lot of harmful, colorful stuff.

20. He took his sweet time getting your phone number or Facebook information.

Did he add you? Did he wait for an appropriate time to get your number? Did he wait a few days before messaging you so that he wouldn't seem creepy? What was the first thing he said? His hesitation to contact you means that he's probably afraid of coming on too strong and scaring you off.

Signs He's Not Interested in a Relationship

When a guy doesn't want a relationship, he is either going to be really clear about it or will avoid the subject. You don't spend that much time with him, he doesn't enjoy your jokes, and he probably doesn't think about you that much. Does he give you special attention compared to that he gives his friends and acquaintances? If he treats you like everyone else, he probably sees you as just a friend.

Signs He Wants to Be Friends With Benefits, or Just Friends

Here's another thing to consider: Some men want to spend time with you, but don't want the commitment and seriousness of an actual relationship. Here are a few signs he just was to stick to being just friends—or friends with benefits:

  • He only texts you when he wants something from you.
  • He doesn't want to be seen in public with you.
  • He's always busy and doesn't make an effort to hang out with you.
  • He doesn't talk about the future with you.
  • He doesn't want to introduce you to his friends and family.

In any relationship, having open communication and important conversations are key—after all, you can't read each other's thoughts! If you've looked at all the signs, thought of the time you've spent together, and still don't know what he thinks about you, just ask. It just might be the start of something new between the two of you.

Questions & Answers

Question: I have a boyfriend; how do I know he likes me? He has given me a ring. What does that mean!

Answer: Well, how nice is this ring? Is it a diamond ring or a ring you get out of a vending machine? How long have you been dating this fellow? Usually, if someone is your boyfriend, that's a pretty good sign of liking someone. Do you like him back? Tell him you like him. You should feel comfortable... if he is your boyfriend.


lsaneliza on February 09, 2020:

this guy & i just started talking. we had sex but when i first told him i didnt want to he was so understanding. im in college so im not sure his intentions but im thinking they are decent. he always walks me back to my dorm & hugs me goodbye. he asks me to come to his fraternity stuff because i dont normally go to his house when they throw parties. he had me meet some of his friends. & he talks in future tense like we will still be talking to each other. but we have only really hung out casually he hasnt taken me anywhere. i just wasnt sure because this is college & we both didnt bring cars here so its mostly meal trade & dining halls. i guess he could borrow a friends car if he wanted to take me out but i dont know. just thought i would leave a comment & see what you thought.

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on August 02, 2019:

I'd dump him. He sounds awful. He's controlling, he expects you to be at his beck and call, and he's not telling you what he does with his time. You don't trust this guy, and I don't either. Sounds like he is manipulative.

Ntombi on August 02, 2019:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months now we communicate everyday but he sometimes disappears for few days and come back with an explanation to why he was MIA, but most of the time when I call him I get him and the only time he is more open with me its when he is drunk n he wl tell me he loves me. He says he wants us to have a baby but he is always at work we get to spend time once a week when he is free from work only at my place since he stays at work , he gets angry and jealous when he can't get hold of me, wants to know my every move but doesn't take me out for dates he goes out with his friends and sometimes I get the feeling that he is in a relationship with someone else than me. Idnt knw whether to continue with the relationship or not.

Aish on April 24, 2019:

If a guy ask u need a body service? What do he mean by that

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on February 21, 2019:

If he says he isn't in love with you -- then he means just that.

Sally on February 20, 2019:

My boyfriend is away from me, he lives in another country but he runs a big company and so busy. I feel love and I can’t forget him. Every day he send message good morning before starting his work. When he calls he is calling through FaceTime all the time. Sometimes he says he is not in love with me but sometimes he acts completely different.

I know what I want but his mood swings. He never says something against me. He gives me compliments on everything. He adores me as I do. I don’t know if he loves me or not.

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on July 26, 2018:

Sex is a mysterious and bizarre thing that happens on its own timetable. Not everyone gives it the same preference or priority in a relationship. Some people see their relationship as more serious before sex -- and some won't let a relationship happen before sex.

Meeting parents can be really serious. They may want to be serious with you before seeing your parents.

Devine Hutson on July 19, 2018:

Been together couple months now havent ask for sex but wants a serious relationship but yet still not ready to meet my parents? Why? Just Curious!!!

Lauren Kaine on July 13, 2018:

I want a clear answer for my question .

Elizabeth on November 04, 2017:

He says hi to me when I go to use the bathroom in school. He sung a song for me to get my attention

Clarise on May 30, 2017:

I would like to get your thoughts on the following:

Me and my close male friend have been friends for the last 4 years. We get along very well and our conversations are effortless.

He does the following for me: He carries my sports bag together with his own when going to practice; we hug when saying goodbye, sometimes accompanied with a gentle back rub; he would pick me up and drop me off when we're going somewhere; he looks at me and listens when I'm speaking; found him about three times staring in my direction with no response as to what he's thinking about; has introduced me to his best friend (guy) who also happens to be a work colleague of his and the three of us have spent time together on three different occasions; he doesn't mind spending time with my parents and sister, of course in my presence; he called me once a week for seven months whilst I was out of town where the calls lasted for approximately 90 minutes at a time; he would sometimes find my sayings very amusing; he is willing to consider my situation or suggestions and adapt to the time and place we do our activities together, all to make me feel more comfortable; when I tell him about things that I experience that is bothersome he would advise me as to what he thinks would be the best thing for me to do; when there is a function at his club he, like the rest of the people at the club, just assumes I'll be attending it with him and he straightaway pays for the both of us and lastly he lately helped me move.

Now within the last two months I've noticed him acting more chivalrous than before I went out of town to the extent that he would let me go before him through a checkout point in-store, he would jump at the opportunity to get me a chair should there not be one immediately available for me; reserve me a chair next to him ready with a drink and would on occasions open a door for me. However during the last two months that these changes have come to the fore I have noticed woman mentioning to him that they notice he carries my sports bag for me and so forth, whereupon he responds to their remarks with "we are just good friends and that it is just being a gentleman and that he was brought up that way. However like I said earlier the changes of the last two months have not always been there from the start. It only came within the last two months since I have returned back home. Some of the people at his club have confronted me separate from him asking me what the situation with the two of us are and some even said to me that they think we should be a couple whilst others just refer to him as my husband. I must mention I have already liked him long before we even became friends as we were only acquaintances back then.

So I would really like to get your opinion on this as I really do not know what to think anymore! Who should be the first to make their feelings known to the other person?

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on October 30, 2015:


My best dating advice is grow a little older, get independent, and have your own 401K built up. By that point you definitely have learned yourself.

dashingscorpio from Chicago on October 30, 2015:

In order for women to truly be equal to men they have to learn to focus on what it is (they) want rather than what the guy wants.

Each of us gets to (choose) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

Until one figures out who (they) are, what they want, and need in a mate they're likely to allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate their relationship choices.

That's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

These days it seems like everyone is obsessed with looking for "clues" instead of point blank asking the person what they're looking for at this time in their life. Once you hear it you can compare it to their deeds.

"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

- Oscar Wilde

It's also important not get carried way during the "infatuation phase" of any {new relationship}. It usually takes 3-6 months for people to reveal their "authentic selves". In the beginning both people usually bend over backwards to "impress" the object of their affection.

Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself!

If something doesn't feel right to you it's probably not right for you.

One man's opinion!:)

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