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Does He Like You or Does He Like Her?

Andrea writes on various topics from dating, couples, astrology, weddings, interior design, and gardens. She studied film and writing.

It can be hard to tell if a guy likes you or your friend. When the three of you hang out as much as you do, you might feel uncertain about where his interest lies.

It can be hard to tell if a guy likes you or your friend. When the three of you hang out as much as you do, you might feel uncertain about where his interest lies.

Who Does My Crush Really Like?

You know, you've probably wondered a time or two if your guy friend likes you or some other girl. I want to help you with some of the detective work. The following list is designed to help you figure out whether he enjoys you more or her, and what to do moving forward.

Grab a piece of paper or your phone. You want to tally up the plus and minus signs.

A (+) at the end of a sentence means you get a point.

A (-) means you lose a point.

Also, some statements might not seem relevant. Feel free to skip those.

Interest Checklist

1. If he is spending more time with you than her, unless they are in a long-distance relationship, that is suspect. (+)

2. If at a social gathering he spends more time with you than his girlfriend (who is also there), that is also suspect. (+)

3. If he picks you over the other girl to be on his team, go to weddings, adventures, etc., then he probably likes you. (+)

4. If he makes a point to compliment you, and he never compliments the other girl, he probably likes you. (+)

5. If he knows your entire family and doesn't know hers, he might be more connected with you. (+)

6. He spends more time texting or in phone calls with you. (Not sure how you're going to figure that out, so good luck on that.) (+)

7. He has more photos of you on Instagram than her. (+)

8. He has a nickname for you, and not for her. (+)

9. He attempts to touch you casually more than her. (+)

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10. He brings you gifts; he doesn't bring her gifts. (+)

11. On the other hand, he refers to her nonstop whenever he is around you. (-)

12. He is more intentional about planning with her and what they will do. (-)

13. He asks for your advice on what he should do to impress her. (-)

14. He says he sees you like a sister, his friend, etc. (-)

15. He takes her to weddings, prom, homecoming, any formal event. (-)

16. He has become official with her. (-)

17. He has kissed her and not you. (-)

18. If she appears, he'll make room for her to sit by him. (-)

19. His friends know who she is; they don't know who you are. (-)

20. He frequently texts her while in conversation with you. (-)

21. He goes out of his way to help you, such as helping you move or helping you when you're sick. (+)

22. He finds a way to be connected to the same things you like and suddenly appears at places you frequent like church, a coffee shop, school, and the like. (+)

23. She has become his ex-girlfriend, and he could care less about what she is doing in her life. He has deleted her off social media. (+)

24. He often hangs out with her one on one. She shares all the details with you, and she seems pretty happy. (-)

25. There are more conversations going back and forth through social media between them. (-)

26. He stays with you when everybody else goes and does something else. He'd rather be with you than the party. (+)

Sometimes guys are just being friendly but others take it as flirty. Sometimes they have no interest in dating.

Sometimes guys are just being friendly but others take it as flirty. Sometimes they have no interest in dating.

27. He calls you Barbie, Cinderella, or other flattering names. The best he has for her is Velma. (+)

28. He gets jealous when guys flirt with you. (+)

29. He randomly calls or texts you without a point. (+)

30. He likes to pick you up in his car. (+)

31. He buys her a car. (-)

32. He has kids with her. (-)

33. He bought her a wedding ring. (-)

34. He doesn't respond to your phone calls or text messages anymore. (-)

35. He deleted you off Facebook. (-)

36. He makes no intention of talking to you at a social gathering. (-)

37. He tries to get you to date one of his friends. (-)

38. All his friends, and him, think you are scary. (-)

39. He proposed to the other girl. (-)

40. He asks you for help to break up with the other girl. (+)

41. The other girl is a lesbian. (+)

42. He is not dating the other girl and has been trying to date you. (+)

43. He doesn't enjoy spending time with the other girl. He complains about her. (+)

44. He takes you out to dinner. (+)

45. He takes you on a random vacation. (+)

46. If he is in a steady relationship, forget about him. (-)

47. If you are in a steady relationship with him, and he is cheating, forget about him. (-)

48. If you are in a steady relationship with him, and she is in steady relationship with some other dude... you're probably okay. (+)

49. If he spends more time with his bros than the both of you, he might not like either of you. (-)

50. If he is really focused on his career right now, he might not like either of you. (-)

51. If he seems really annoyed whenever you are around, he probably isn't into you. (-)

52. If he asks you to go away, he probably isn't into you. (-)

You should really think about your situation. He might clearly like the other woman, and you're the third wheel with unrequited feelings.

You should really think about your situation. He might clearly like the other woman, and you're the third wheel with unrequited feelings.

53. Does he keep saying he is busy and then you found out he spent time with her? (-)

54. Does he seem to mention her name every five seconds? (-)

55. Did he used to date her, and does he seem to still have feelings? (-)

56. Does he have items that belong to her at his house? (-)

57. Does he have a weird schedule where he can only see you on certain days, and the other days are a mystery? (-)

58. Does he make a big deal out of her birthday but not yours? (-)

59. Does he listen to your concerns and is really attentive with you? (+)

60. Is he willing to do a favor that is out of his way for you? (+)

61. Does he blush a lot when she is around? (-)

62. Has he given her jewelry but not you? (-)

63. Does he stand really close to her and whisper secrets? (-)

64. Does she wear his clothes? (-)

65. Do you catch them holding hands? (-)

66. Does he come up with weekend plans for you and him? (+)

67. Does he have a really noticeable stare when it comes to you. . . and have people commented on this? (+)

68. Does he save notes that you give him? (+)

69. Does he buy your meals? (+)

70. Do his conversations with you seem pretty short. Does he always seem busy? (-)

71. Does he get jealous when other guys talk to the other girl? (-)

72. Does he follow her around everywhere at a party or other social engagement? (-)

73. When all of you are hanging out with a big group, does he and the other girl go away for long periods? (-)

74. Did they come together in the same car to a party? (-)

75. Has he brought you flowers? (+)

76. Does he play pranks on you? (+)

77. Does he know your coffee order? (+)

78. Are his hugs with you kinda long? (+)

79. Has he ever told you that you smell nice? (+)

80. Has he blocked your phone number? (-)

81. Has he treated you like a charity case? Offering you free food and old clothes? Does he act like you might be homeless? (-)

82. Does he say mean things about you? (-)

83. Does he only spend time with you from about 12:00 am to 4:00 am? (-)

84. Does talking to him feel like you're talking to a wall? (-)

85. Has he ever rejected you before? Like you asked him to dance, and he said no? (-)

86. He likes to share things with you. He tells you about his good news, he gives you thoughtful gifts, and he likes spending time with you. (+)

87. He frequently leaves you positive texts and out of the blue. (+)

88. He hangs up a picture of you two together somewhere noticeable. (+)

89. He sits closer to you than her. (+)

90. You catch him playing with her hair. (-)


Add up the points and see for yourself if it seems slanted one way more so than the other. If you beat her by 20 points or more, then I would say you are in pretty good shape for him liking you!

There's more than one way to skin a cat, and playing romance detective isn't necessarily something a guy wants to catch you doing (so don't let him know you're trying to figure this junk out.)

The best way to really know if he likes you is to be upfront and talk to him about it. Use cues like body language and the like to see if he does seem interested. You don’t want to go into a full-blown confession if you don’t have enough indication that he’s interested.

If he is a real gentleman, he can handle that conversation without deflating the friendship you do have. If you can tell he is really hung up on the other girl, you should try to be supportive.

Don’t get bent out of shape just because he is interested in someone else. Act cool. If you act crazy, you’ll blow future chances. There are lots of options out there, many prospects, many towns and cities — so don’t lose hope. Pretty much everyone on the planet can find a match, whether a good one or not is a different case, but you can surely find someone to jive with even if for a short spell.

What If He Likes Both of You?

This is often the case. He would be willing to date either one of you because both of you are hot. He doesn’t really care which one of you likes him. He thinks he’ll be happy with either option, and it’s worth dating either one of you.

This might be why you’re not sure if he likes you or her. It’s because he likes both of you! He’s a little greedy.

Personally, I find if people aren’t being picky about who they like then they’re probably not that interested. When you really like someone you tend to be pretty singular about them.

If he does appear to like the both of you then it might be a good idea to make a move on him. Make the choice for him and see what happens. (However, some guys don’t like it when someone makes a move before them. It might perturb their ego.)

You should ask yourself: do I want to be with a guy who is indecisive? Would I prefer he pursue me or that I pursue him (at least initially)?

Stay Positive

Sometimes, at the end of the day, he just doesn't have time for you or anybody. Sometimes guys just don't know what the hell they're doing. It can be confusing interacting with the opposite gender, and sometimes guys don't know what they want. I mean, a lot of people don't know what they want.

Your crush may feel the need to talk to more girls and then more girls, and yes, more girls. He’s trying to figure out how to socialize. . . or he’s just a player.

Try not to lump too much emotion together before you've gotten into a committed relationship. Do show that you are engaging, interesting, outgoing, and open. It's a difficult dance to dance.

Take it all with a grain of salt, and enjoy yourself. Love will come when it best sees fit. Don't be upset with yourself if you get rejected. Everyone faces rejection one way or another.

The friend zone is not that bad of a place to be. As you get older, you'll have less friends, so you'll appreciate them more.

You won't always feel like dating is like getting thrown to wolves. Before long someone will realize you're special.

Have good manners. Keep yourself looking clean and sharp. At the end of the day, do what you can to improve yourself and be happy. Stay positive and be yourself.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2014 Andrea Lawrence

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