My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.
There are many times that men will seem interested in a women, but fall short connecting—initial phone call/text, or physically—i.e. first kiss. Or, he might fall short reconnecting—waiting too long when calling/texting to set up a second date.
What's the hold up? He has your phone number, felt a connection—why wait a ridiculous (to us) amount of time (which feels like forever) to call?
Let me be clear, I'm not talking about men who are obviously not interested. I'm talking about the guys that don't realize that playing the, "I want to wait to call her—to seem more appealing," really isn't. In fact it's the complete opposite.
When a guy goes out of his way to approach you, asks and gets your phone number (not exchanging numbers), and then does not call until a week (or possibly longer)—it's a turn-off. In a woman's mind this doesn't make sense, and causes distrust—making her think the guy is a game player.
During this obvious and unappreciated waiting game you are forced to participate in, it can be very frustrating and frankly confusing. Did he lose your number or decide he wasn't interested in you after all? Did he get back together with an old flame or was he never single to begin with? Was the connection you thought you both felt in your mind?
A guy who waits too long will tend to wait days, weeks, or if he's really bold—months, to call/text after receiving your phone number. It's as if he thinks that he will appear more desirable—the more he waits, the more you will want him. Wrong! What he doesn't realize is that most women find this action confusing, rude, unattractive and disheartening.
What a guy might not also realize is that when a woman meets a man that she's thrilled enough to tell her close gal-pals about, that tingling excitement feeling will fade each day that goes by that she doesn't hear from him. Once this feeling has dissipated, it will either be gone for good, or it will take work to flourish again—gaining back the trust as well as the connection that was felt in the beginning.
There are men that will take their time to call, men who will take their time to kiss you, and men who will take their time to reconnect after a first date. Whichever it is (and hopefully not all three)—frustrating and disappointing!
If a man isn't interested in you at all, he wouldn't wait to call or kiss you, in fact he wouldn't call or kiss you at all. Although waiting to kiss a guy you have feelings for can potentially make the anticipation more exciting—the other waiting does not have the same effect.
During the first date when there is an obvious connection, and he then decides to wait several (more than three) days after the date to call—this is a major emotional buzz kill.
Although this man might think playing hard to get is sexy, it is not. No woman likes to wait for a guy to call who she thought she had a connection with. This doesn't peak interest, in fact it does the complete opposite. The excited butterflies felt, along with the school girl giggles of joy, will die and fade every day that goes by. This is why a guy should not wait too long to confirm what he also felt by reaching out, kissing, or planning the next date.
A kiss speaks a thousand words. Kissing is the overall tell if there is really chemistry. I dated a guy who I was physically attracted to and felt mental chemistry with, that took his time to kiss me. Not only did the anticipation of the kiss build up to a major disappointment—very subpar and absolutely no spark, by the time he decided to kiss me, I had placed him into the friend zone. This guy waited too long and my romantic interested in him was replaced with friendship.
When there's a connection, as well as chemistry, usually both people can feel it. The conversation is flowing naturally, you are both complementing each other, looking into each others eyes with passion and comment how great the date is going. So why does he wait so long to contact you? Usually, it's because some not so smart, and usually single friend of his told him that waiting is what the cool guys do. Hmmmmmm. However, sometimes it could be due to his work schedule—traveling a great deal, but it would be nice to know this when he gets your phone number.
It's not that I don't think a guy can be really busy—we all can, and if that is the case then he should let you know that he can't wait to reconnect, however you should plan on hearing from him in a week (or whenever he will return or be less busy). This way, if a guy doesn't contact you right away, you won't chuck it up to, "he wasn't as interested as I thought"—which is ok since sometimes the "connection" isn't always equal. But, when a guy decides to reach out (without said information), asking to see you again way after the excitement (for you) has worn off—he potentially waited too long.
Usually when a guy waits to call the reason is simpler than you think. Most of us have been there where we rack our brains wondering what happened that he chose to wait. Maybe he's seeing someone else, has a girlfriend or wife. Maybe there is something you said or did during the date that possibly made him flip the switch—deciding that a second date or seeing you was no longer in the cards for him. However, in a situation where the connection was felt—with no doubt, from the beginning to the end of the date, there are usually two major reasons. Either his ego is his coach—deciding that by waiting you will desire him more, or the connection you had together was unexpected (even though at some point he hoped there would be one) and it freaked him out—afraid of getting his heart broken.
Ladies, if you meet a guy you are really interested, make sure you exchange numbers. Although it's important for a guy to be chivalrous and reach out first—sometimes you might need to do it yourself instead of waiting for him to.
If a guy waits too long to call you or return your call if you reach out, then usually he is not worth your time, regardless of his excuse (unless someone in his life has passed). Do you really want to build a relationship with someone who doesn't have the respect to tell you what's going on in his life to cause such a delay? It only takes a few seconds to reach out—letting you know he is still interested. When his actions cause you to lose trust, can you have faith that he will be capable of following through in the future regarding you, or a possibly relationship?
Bottom line, communication is the key to any lasting relationship. Having to question yourself in the very beginning if a guy is interested in you does not bode well for great communication, or a lasting relationship.
Vimto on January 30, 2019:
It works both ways. Nothing stops her from calling him, except her inflated ego. She isn't calling either, so that makes her a hypocrite as well. So, it's okay for women to play games, but not men, eh. If a girl can't wait a few more days, it either means she has no life, is uptight, or has a few screws loose in her head. Not like he waited a month to call. Be happy he called instead of acting like a prima donna. A good way to weed out uptight women. Be happy he respects your personal space. A relationship should progress slowly, not rush through.
Stephanie Bailey (author) from Denver on January 18, 2016:
Thank you Nadine and thank you for reading and taking the time to comment.
Nadine on January 15, 2016:
I really enjoyed reading this, thank you. I especially liked, that you approached all angles fairly.