Eric Standridge offers relationship tips and tricks based on personal experience from the perspective of a former shy guy.
For men, understanding women is like trying to bench press a hippo: it's almost impossible. Women are a mystery to the male mind, an enigma that our rational minds must solve.
Unfortunately, that will never happen. It is an enigma that will remain as long as the human race remains. Women will always remain a mystery, and men will always stand around scratching their heads trying to figure them out.
Does She Like Me, or Is It an Illusion?
Men will always be asking that age old question, "Does she like me, or is it all in my mind?"
Even though that may be the case, there are still a number of signs that women display to show us bewildered men that she's interested.
According to psychologist Albert Mehrabian in a discussion on ways people are attracted to one another, verbal responses account for 7% of that attraction, tone of voice accounts for 38%, and body language accounts for 55%.
In other words, don't rely only on what a woman is saying to know if she's into you or not. Listen to the tone of her voice, and more importantly, pay close attention to her reactions.
The following points highlight the key areas to watch for and will explain briefly why they are important.
Advice on Dating: The Top Signs That Show She's Interested
- She shows it through her body language. Positive body language is a strong indicator that she's into you. If she likes you, she'll show it through the way she acts and through how she positions her body when she's with you. Eye contact, gently leaning in towards you when you talk, playing with her hair, touching her face; these are the types of things that she'll do when she's interested.
- She listens to you and asks questions. In her eyes, you stand out from the crowd. You have something interesting to say, and she's hooked. By itself, this doesn't indicate that she's attracted to you in a romantic way, it only means that she's highly interested in you as a person. Remember, all of these things go together. She has to be interested in you as a person in order for her to be attracted to you romantically.
- She's relaxed/She stands close to you. This means she trusts you.She isn't afraid to be herself around you. Through your actions and your body language, you've made her feel valued as a human being, and not just as a one night stand.
- She playfully hits you or touches you. This is called flirting. Most people have a natural desire to keep others out of their personal space. You know how it is; how many times have you felt uncomfortable when a strange person gets too close to you? We only let those in who we are more comfortable with. When a woman is attracted to you, she feels comfortable enough with you that she'll initiate moving into your space, or she'll allow you into hers.
- She giggles. Typically, giggling is a mixture of attraction and nervousness. When a woman laughs, it means that she has found something funny to laugh at. When she giggles, it's more personal, more in depth; it's like she's released her inner child for a brief moment. She's a little nervous, a little shy, but not so much that it incapacitates her. She finds you attractive and can respect your sense of humor.
- She playfully calls you names. She's teasing you. When a woman calls you crazy, or silly, or funny, or even cute, there's a good chance she's into you. It's the same way we used to play as children: running around the playground, catching cooties from the girls, poking fun at them because we secretly like them. The adult world really isn't that different. Only this time, we want to catch cooties.
- She's available. If a woman is interested in you, she will make herself available. In other words, she'll give you her phone number or email address, and will quickly rush to answer or return your call. When you offer her an opportunity to hang out with you, she will just as quickly accept - even if she already had plans. If she couldn't break those plans, then she'll offer another day in exchange.
- She keeps "popping up". So maybe you're wondering whether someone you've known for awhile is interested. In addition to the above points, this woman will keep "popping up" everywhere you go. Unless you're on a college campus, or live in a very small town, this generally doesn't happen that often. Occasionally, it does, but if she maneuvers her way through a crowd just to be close to you, or finds out that you're going to the pool hall and shows up exactly the same time you do, there's a good chance she's into you.
- She gives you her number or asks you to hang out. The only reason a woman would either give you her phone number, email or other contact information is because she wants future contact with you. A woman would not ask you to 'hang out' if she wasn't attracted to you in some way. I would be remiss in pointing this out, but it always surprises me how many people miss this.
The Enigma of Women: No Two Are Alike
The tips presented here are worthless. That's right, the advice here is just about as worthless as a plot in a porno. Sure, there may be some truth in the statements above, but relying on those things alone is no guarantee that she's attracted to you. Instead of asking, "Does she like me?", start focusing on having fun and let the rest fall where it will.
All women are different. Each individual has different ways of showing that they are interested. There is no magical formula that will ever tell you for certain if a woman is interested in you or not. If anyone ever tells you any different, they're lying. As with most things in life, you simply have to rely on your gut instinct. If you think she's interested then ask her out.
Occasionally, you will get rejected. This is normal, and, in fact, expected. At the same time, remember that if she turns you down then you two would have never made a good match anyway. Move on, and keep dating until you find the woman who completes you.
As always, I wish you the best.
Questions & Answers
Question: I need your honest opinion to know if this girl really loves me or not. Earlier today she said she's going to prom with her sis. I don't know if I should believe that or not since I'm her boyfriend. She never lets me hang out, never lets me hang around her family and she thinks that our love is a secret. Should love be a secret or is there something that's being hidden from me? What should I do?
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Answer: A few points:
1. She doesn't love you. If you're prom age, it's not love, it would be infatuation. Love doesn't (typically) happen over night, especially if you are having doubts.
2. Why are you dating someone you can't trust? If she says she's going to prom with her sister and you think she may not be telling the truth, it's time to move on. That's not good in any relationship - unless you're just out for a good time.
3. She never lets you hang out, be with her family, and that your affections should be kept in secret. What is she hiding? Why doesn't she want people to know that you are together? If someone genuinely likes you, they're going to want to be with you and to "show" you off. There's a problem here.
The simple answer; find someone who values you for you, who you can trust, and who you enjoy spending time with.
Question: I have a question so there this girl I like, and she keeps on flirting with me every time I see her she’s always teasing me she’s hitting me and stuff, and if I arrive somewhere when she’s already there she will come racing over. Then when I ask her to hang out or something 9x out of 10, she will shoot me down. What does that mean?
Answer: This one should be obvious; look at the signs she's sending you.
1.) She keeps on flirting with you.
2.) She teases you.
3.) She gets excited when she sees you.
Those are pretty strong clues that she likes you.
So why does she shut you down when you ask to hang out?
There could be a number of reasons.. her parents don't want her going out. She could actually just be busy. She could have a fear of hanging out. I hung out once and almost got arrested, but that's a different story.
Most likely, she wants a bit more challenge. I've been through this before a few times.
First, try this: don't ask, don't leave a way out. "Hey, there's a band playing this Friday at the club I want you to see. I'll pick you up around 6." Not all chicks go for that, but many do, especially if they are already interested. Make it fun though. Find what she enjoys doing and then take her to do that.
Next, just ask her. A simple "why not" can do wonders.
Finally, stop asking. There are a lot of amazing chicks out there. If she doesn't want to hang, that's her loss.
Question: This girl has a boyfriend. However, we have been hanging out for awhile, and one night my father caught us holding hands. After that, she is mad at me, and she said she would never hold your hand again. What should I do?
Answer: Ignore the remark. Chicks will get upset, they will get embarrassed, but usually, they'll get over it pretty quick. If she already has a boyfriend and you're interested in her, either ask her out or find a different chick.
Question: She keeps telling me she's single. Is that a hint that she likes me?
Answer: Depends on how she's telling you, but most likely, yes. Girls will leave clues and hints like that to push you into doing something to win their attention, and more. Take her out on a date and see what happens.
Question: I just recently hooked up with my ex-girlfriend, and when I walked her home, she invited me into her apartment. Do you think she is going to give me another chance?
Answer: One thing, man: there's a reason she's your ex. History has a way of repeating itself. If you're looking for a couple of quickies, sure, but if you're looking for something more, be careful and take it slow. There may be that chance, but then again, it could be asking for another breakup. The only way to know for sure is to go to her apartment and see what happens.
Question: I asked a girl to hang out with me twice. At first she said yes, and then the second time she also said yes. Is that good? Does she like me?
Answer: If she's hanging out with you, and you like her, then yeah, that's probably a good thing.
Question: This girl that I like is talking to someone but she flirts with me non-stop. She said she wanted a specific type of flower and even went as far as telling me where I can buy that flower, does she like me and should I buy her the flowers or not?
Answer: If a girl asks you to buy her flowers, and you like the girl, then what do you think? Buy her the flowers.
Question: A girl at work seems to be flirting but I don't know and recently we were going to a work event and she highlighted a couple of times that her bum had gotten bigger and I would be looking. But giggling about it. Is she giving me flirting signals?
Answer: It depends on what the context is. Is this an ongoing thing? If so, then yeah, those are some signals that you need to watch for. If it has only happened once or twice, that's probably just her personality or just her having fun.
Question: She always pretends to be mad when I talk to her, is that a hint?
Answer: A hint for what? That she likes you? I have a good friend that always pretends to be mad at me; he's a guy, I'm a guy, and no, we're not gay. Does that mean that he likes me? No, it just means we're friends.
You have to look for more clues than just that. Does she tease you? Does she play with you? When you're together, does she move close? Make prolonged eye contact? Giggle?
Just pretending to be mad isn't enough to know if someone likes you or not. Read the article and then see if she is showing any of those signs.
Question: People ask her if shes dating me, and whenever they ask her she says "what no!" and she blushes does that mean she likes me?
Answer: She blushes when your name is mentioned in relation to you two dating. Either she's very embarrassed to even have her name mentioned in the same sentence as yours, or she likes you. I would go with the latter.
Question: I Started hanging out with a girl I like and we started to become good friends. When I told her I liked her, she told me one of her friends I had talked to had already told her yet she continued to hang out with me one on one. But when I asked her for a date, she said no. Huh?
Answer: If you asked her for a date and she said no, she probably means just that. Sorry but it looks like this one "friend zoned" you.
Question: So there’s this girl I’ve known since high school, and we recently have been hanging out again. I find myself attracted to her and I try not to show it sometimes maybe because I feel like I am taking things too quickly. I found myself with her touching me, getting into my comfortable space, and teasing me. I was found myself running into her but there are sometimes that I feel on edge about everything. I need help, could you give me some answers?
Answer: That's normal. Those are feelings that every normal person gets when they are attracted to another, but look at the signals:
1. She touches you.
2. She moves in close to you.
3. She teases you.
Those are three classic signs that she's into you. Enjoy the ride and take a chance.
Question: I have a question I asked my crush to go to a dance in my school with me she accepted, however, her response wasn’t enthusiastic I asked for her number she gave it to me and I sent her a message to which I got no response multiple people have said she likes me I even got shown a letter in which she was unsure of how she felt about me. Does she like me?
Answer: It's time to move on. Look at the signals that she's giving you.
1.) Her response was unenthusiastic.
2.) She doesn't return your texts.
3.) She was unsure of how she felt of you.
When a chick likes you, it'll be obvious. There won't be any guessing involved; look at the clues they send. This one is pretty obvious. Find someone else to go to the dance with.
Question: I asked this girl if she likes me and she said she was gay (as a joke). I think she doesn’t like me because she said that. But what does it mean that she is always playing with me and teasing me?
Answer: First, is she gay? If so, that answers the question right there.
If not, and she was playing around, that's a way of not directly answering the question while at the same time teasing you. If she is always playing and teasing, there's a good chance she's into you. Tease back. Play back. With playing, things come naturally. To me, it sounds like she is the type that likes a challenge.. but not too much of one, otherwise, you'll get stuck in the friend zone.
© 2010 Eric Standridge