Focus On What He's Saying, Not What You're Saying
Some of us female types have a way with words, knowing innately how to communicate with our boyfriends in a cute, flirtatious way. The rest of us have to work at it. We want to say something funny and clever, but it comes out forced and phony. The good news is you can stop trying so hard!
People Will Never Forget How You Made Them Feel
Guys don't need perfect words; they just need words that make them feel special. The esteemed writer, Maya Angelou, summed up relationships best when stating: “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” So let go of the anxiety. Speak from the heart and focus on how your words make him feel good and not on how they make you feel awkward.
Trying to think of cute things to say to your boyfriend should not stress you out. It shouldn't make dating a chore so you'd prefer staying at home on a Saturday night to shampoo your hair and hang out with your cats. Saying cute things to your boyfriend is about being a good listener and responding to his words. It's about building the bond between you that will lead to a deeper, more intimate relationship. It's about creating trust and acceptance. Leave the quick, witty repertoire for the screenwriters and just relax.
Don't Forget to Listen!
Most of all, do what so many of us fail to do—really listen! The social commentator, Fran Lebowitz, once famously quipped: “The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting (to talk).” That's especially true when we're dating. We're nervously formulating in our minds what witty thing to say next rather than listening to the guy. In his hugely popular work, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie's advice is simple and clear: Be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves. Direct your attention to them.
The early stages of a relationship are about establishing a connection. If you're truly interested in the guy, ask questions—showing a sincere interest in his hobbies, job, family, and past. Of course, he doesn't want to feel like he's getting hammered on the witness stand or getting grilled at a job interview. Avoid questions about politics, religion, and sex. Keep it light and fun. Ask open-ended questions that need explanations, not simply yes or no responses. Here are some fun ones:
- What was the best vacation you took with your family when you were a kid?
- What are your pet peeves?
- What is your most beloved possession?
- What was your favorite TV show when you were a kid?
- What is your guilty pleasure?
- What's the best concert you've ever attended?
- What is your least favorite household chore?
- What's your favorite thing to do on a Saturday night?
- What celebrity would you most like to meet and why?
- What's the best meal you've ever eaten?
It's early, so keep the compliments sincere but airy. Anything beyond that may seem like you're acting fake, trying to rush the relationship, or making hasty judgments. Many of us female types feel awkward giving guys compliments, especially on their appearance. We feel it's the guy's job to shower us with compliments. But get over yourself. Guys love to hear positive things about themselves and thrive all the attention. The more you compliment him, the easier it gets and the more natural it feels:
- You look so handsome in... that shirt/suit/those jeans/shorts.
- I love getting seen with you in public. You're so gorgeous.
- You're such a great listener. Talking to you makes me feel so much better.
- When you wrap your arms around me, I feel so safe and protected.
- No matter how low I get, you always make me smile.
- You have the best sense of humor.
- You're so intelligent.
- I love your... arms/smile/hair/hands/shoulders/legs.
- I love spending time with you.
- You make me so happy.
Words to Make Him Fall in Love With You
Once you know this is the right guy for you, it's time to turn up the heat. Your words should now show intimacy and a commitment to the future. Communicate in ways that prove how confident you feel in the relationship:
- Whisper. As he walks by you, say something soft and sexy for his ears only such as: You're so freaking hot or I want you so badly.
- Touch. Communicate with him in both verbal and non-verbal ways. Caress his upper arm when telling him about work. Hold his hand when you're walking to the store and chatting about the day. Gently pull his ear when you're asking for his advice about a problem you're having.
- Disclose. Now that you've dated a while, it's safe to open up about your life and ask him to open up about his. Revealing things about yourselves creates closeness, builds intimacy, and develops trust. This is the time to talk about your childhood, your family, your dreams for the future, and your hopes for this relationship.
Ask More Provocative Questions
At this point, he should realize you sincerely care about him. You're not on a fact-finding mission, trying to trip him up, or judging him. Some provocative questions to ask at this point might include:
- What's your greatest fantasy?
- What's your biggest fear?
- If you were Supreme Ruler of the planet, what would you do?
- If tomorrow was the last day of your life, how would you spend it?
- What turns you off the most?
- Who's the person you most admire and why?
- What is the weirdest relationship you've had?
- Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
- What is the best advice you've received?
- If you were a Superhero, what would be your unique power?
Words to Make Him Feel Needed
Even though you're a strong and independent woman, it's okay to let your boyfriend know that you need him. Being vulnerable is not the same as being clingy. Give your boyfriend an opportunity to play the knight in shining armor to you damsel in distress every now and again (just don't make it a habit). When needed by you, he gets an instant boost to his ego and feels closer to you. Some of the best ways to make him feel needed involve asking for his help, advice, opinion, and protection:
- I need to buy a new car but don't know much about the process. Can you come shopping with me?
- I'm having problems with a co-worker who's hyper competitive. Can you give me your take on the situation?
- I need to buy my dad a gift for his birthday. Any suggestions?
- I want to move my bed and dresser to the other side of the room. Can you help me move them with your big, strong muscles?
- Can you walk me home from the party? I'd feel so much safer.
So stop worrying about what cute things to say to your boyfriend. Focus on listening and directing your attention to him. Remember, dating is the time of discernment— when you're deciding whether this guy is a keeper or not. By asking questions and giving compliments, you're establishing a bond and building trust. If you make him feel good, he'll be drawn to you like a cat to catnip. Then you can make the call whether this is a love for the ages.
Favorite Pick-Up Lines
I Recommend This Book to All of Us Who Get Nervous and Insecure When Talking to a Boyfriend, a Boss, or a Stranger
Questions & Answers
Question: What cute things can I say to my boyfriend if he’s really shy and gets nervous about everything?
Answer: If nothing in this article works with him, I'd just go with a simple, straightforward: “Hello! How are you?” That way he can reply with as little or as much as he wants. It's an open-ended question that allows a person to reveal something of himself or simply reply with the standard “good” or “fine,” indicating that he doesn't want to expose much.
If he's anxious about making conversation, spend time doing activities together instead of experiences that require a lot of talking such as going out to dinner. When he's put on the spot like that, it probably stresses him out and increases his nervousness. Doing activities together lets the conversation flow organically.
When I started dating the man who is now my husband, he was very soft-spoken and didn't say much. Going out to eat together was rather awkward because the conversation felt forced. I knew he was a good guy, though, and was smitten with him.
We eventually changed course and started having more active dates: bowling, mini golf, canoeing, roller-skating, and going to flea markets, garage sales, and outdoor festivals. After a short while, I knew he was “the one” because we could enjoy the company of one another without speaking. We didn't need to fill every minute with words and could enjoy the quiet times together. This was refreshing to me because I grew up with a mother who was a non-stop talker and her incessant gabbing often made me anxious. The level of communication with my guy felt just right for me.
I have some date suggestions in my article “48 First Date Ideas Other Than Dinner to Keep It Light, Fun, and Stress-Free. https://hubpages.com/dating/20-Fun-Things-to-Do-on...
© 2016 McKenna Meyers