Cushioning in Dating and Why It's Making Everyone Uneasy

Updated on March 4, 2020
Karen Whitefield profile image

Karen Whitefield loves to read, write and nap. Find her at true marriage stories [dot com].

What Is Cushioning?

These days whenever I read a dating term, I tried to guess its meaning, given that I am a so-called dating expert. But then, to prove myself right, I Google it—and, I have to say, I am almost always right.

The latest in the line of dating terms that I come across is "cushioning." Do you want to guess what cushioning is? Do what I did—think about it literally. Do you know what a cushion is? What a cushion does for you? It makes you comfortable when you are sitting on your sofa watching Netflix.

I know it's disturbing that a dating term should involve an inanimate object you use in your everyday life. But let's stick to comparing the term with the most present thing in your home: cushion.

What would a human cushion look like? Well, someone who gives you comfort. Can you have more than one cushion? Yes—you may be one among many for the person who is cushioning you. This person keeps you, as they do many other people, as back up. This is usually done by uninteresting texting or messaging, or even calls (although they are rare). The crux of the matter is, if you are being cushioned, you are not being taken seriously in your relationship.

I know it's disturbing that a dating term should involve an inanimate object you use in your everyday life. But let's stick to comparing the term with the most present thing in your home: cushion. What would a human cushion look like? Well, someone who gives you comfort. Can you have more than one cushions? Yes, you may be one among many for the person who is cushioning you. This person keeps you, just as many other people, as back up.

Have You Fallen Pray to Cushioning? Are You the Cushion?

But can you tell when you are being cushioned? Yes. Just as you can tell when you know you are being manipulated in a relationship. Cushioning is no different. If you are being cushioned or are acting as someone's cushion, know that the person doing it to you will make you feel as though there is something wrong with your relationship and will not invest all of them into it. They keep you on the hook with a date here and there. They test and call you but rarely. They may even be good friends with you, but you are never the "dating material" for them. They are likely just using you as a distraction. They already have that person they love in their lives and if you receive that late-night text from them, know that it's just something that's one off. So, if you are a cushion, know that you are always going to be a side hustle in their lives.

If you are being cushioned or are acting as someone's cushion, know that the person doing it to you will make you feel as though there is something wrong with your relationship and will not invest all of them into it. They keep you on the hook with a date here and there. They test and call you but rarely. They may even be good friends with you, but you are never the "dating material" for them. They are likely just using you as a distraction.

I Am a Cushion. What Should I Do?

If you are a cushion, it likely means that you are already prey to this person's affections. Either he or she is confiding in you or telling you their deepest secrets so that they can have you as an alternative alongside an already existing relationship. It's important that you ask yourself why you should accept being someone's second choice. Is it out of some sort of insecurity? Are you trying to hurt your partner by flirting with someone else? If yes, it maybe because you don't have a fulfilling relationship. If you want to get out of this feeling of insecurity, it's best to go to the root cause of things and first deal with issues that are making you feel insecure. It's also a good idea to seek help. Know that being a cushion does nothing but harm your self-respect. I can say thing from experience that once you have spotted the person cushioning you, it's in your hands to stop feeling the way you do.

If you are a cushion, it likely means that you are already prey to this person's affections. Either he or she is confiding in you or telling you their deepest secrets so that they can have you as an alternative alongside an already existing relationship. It's important that you ask yourself why you should accept being someone's second choice. Is it out of some sort of insecurity?

How Insecurity Makes It Easy for You to Fall Prey to Cushioning

It's true most of us, including me, have had bad experiences in relationships. While most of these experiences are a result of other people's mistakes, some of them may come from your own issues. All of us have insecurities that go back to things that happened to us in our childhood. But, you don't have to carry the baggage of your past and let the past affect your current relationships. If you think you let people take you for granted or fall for them easily then you need to tackle the underlying problems first. This is not a rule of thumb and it's possible you it's the other person who is at fault, but if you think you are the one that's falling prey to unwanted relationship complexities, then it's time to look within yourself and think hard. It's true bad experiences make us stronger, but too many of them, and you will be exhausted.

You don't have to carry the baggage of your past and let the past affect your current relationships. If you think you let people take you for granted or fall for them easily then you need to tackle the underlying problems first. This is not a rule of thumb and it's possible you it's the other person who is at fault, but if you think you are the one that's falling prey to unwanted relationship complexities then it's time to take a hard look at yourself.

Everyone knows that one person in their lives who is always in a relationship. This comes out of insecurity. Cushioning comes out of that insecurity. More than anything else, cushioning is a kind of relationship abuse—if you are victim to it, you must stop it in the tracks. I think it's important to understand that you want to get out of this cycle of falling for someone who is only willing to give you part of their time and not all of their time. It's important to break this cycle of bad relationships that are not healthy. Working on yourself as a person and focusing on your needs can go a long way in keeping you from falling for people who are not totally invested in you. You need someone you can count on. Isn't that, after all, the point of all relationships?

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, pairedlife.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://maven.io/company/pages/privacy

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)