RelationshipsPhysical IntimacyFriendshipBreakupsDatingRelationship ProblemsSocial Skills & EtiquetteGender and SexualityRelationship AdviceLoveCompatibilitySingle Life

Crush on a Married Man? How Do You Deal With It?

Updated on June 16, 2016

He is devastatingly attractive, he is totally wonderful, you can't get him out of your mind, and ... he's already taken.  What do you do?

Like many, many women, I have been in this situation more than once in my life.  Whether you yourself are single, attached, married ... it can happen to you.  This is my take on the classic crush on the married man.

What is a Crush?

The definition of "crush" (according to the Urban Dictionary) is "a burning desire to be with someone who you find very attractive and extremely special".

It would be a sad life indeed if you never had encounters with people you consider to be very attractive and extremely special!

While it is a common first stage for a romantic relationship, it does not and often doesn't lead to one.  Most people have had crushes on celebrities, especially when they are first learning about relationships. The feelings are very real and very strong, but when those feelings are not reciprocated by the other person, crushes eventually fade and pass.

Crushes are Normal

To have a crush on someone, no matter whether one or both of you are not available is absolutely normal.

Playful flirting and games are part of basic human interaction. Feeling that you are attractive, interesting and able to love feels wonderful. It causes a physical, chemical reaction in our brains. It makes us happy.

I don't believe it is possible to honestly deny a crush - when it happens, you just need to wait it out.

You and the Married Man

Problems only arise when you start to act upon your fantasies with someone who is already committed to someone else.

Let's be honest here ... the reason that you have read this far is probably because you are now at that stage, and looking for justification, redemption, encouragement ... ? You are probably now considering what it would be like to have a serious relationship with him. Am I right? I'm not judging you - I'm understanding you. I've been there.

Perhaps he is signalling back to you that he is interested too. Maybe he is indicating that something more could happen between you. Perhaps he is attempting to instigate an affair with you. Perhaps you just want to go for it, despite the consequences. Unfortunately, if you are receiving positive signals, odds are that the man is simply feeding his own ego with your attention. Even more unfortunately, if you take it further, it will almost always end badly - for you.

Do you really want to go there?

Even if you see it as just a simple, harmless affair, in most cases, women end up wanting a proper relationship in the long run. It is not harmless, because somewhere, someone is going to get hurt.

When I've had feelings for an unavailable man, I have always asked myself this (somewhat cliched) question ... "If he leaves his wife for me, how could I ever trust him?" ...

The simple answer is ... I couldn't.

His wife is a real person with hopes, fears, dreams and feelings. If you've never met her, it makes it very hard to believe that she actually exists, even though you know she does. It might seem less painful if you are able to forget that he goes home to her, but it actually helps to really think about her and how your actions might affect her. It kind of puts things in perspective, and it personally makes me feel a little angry with the man for putting both me and his wife in this situation, and that helps too.

Be warned ... if you go looking for advice, be prepared to be judged badly. You will be perceived as a threat to anyone who is in or who has had a relationship. Almost everyone will take the high moral ground, without considering any individual circumstances. No matter what, despite what you might be told by almost anyone with an opinion ... YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON.

You can't help who you like.

However, this is the time when you can step up and be a good person.

What To Do ... My Suggestions

It seems that the majority of people will advise you to walk away, cut contact and so on. If possible, it's not such a bad idea if you can shut off like that, but unless you are a robot, it's not always that easy. Often you will be in a situation where you can't walk away, like in a work situation, and you will still see the man every day.

Personally, I believe that sudden avoidance can be a big mistake. I feel that cutting feelings like this creates obsession. You will feel like the martyr, and it will strengthen your emotions. If he has developed feelings for you, it will trigger his urge to chase you.

Instead, I feel that you need to let your crush evolve and dwindle in its own good time. It is not love - love is so much more. It is a crush, be it an advanced one, and admitting this is a huge step forward. Crushes do pass. Be friendly towards him, be controlled, keep your head, be honest with yourself and give yourself time to sort things out.

Here are some ideas to help ease your feelings while you wait :

  • Try and focus your attentions elsewhere. You are probably looking at your most attractive at the moment, because of the euphoria your crush is causing you. Who else is around who IS available? If you are already in a relationship yourself, can you spice up things there?
  • Mention his wife in general conversation. It will remind both you and him that she exists, and will indicate to him that you are being respectful of her and their relationship.
  • Look for things about him that you dislike, and focus on them. if you love cats, and he says cruel things about cats, focus on that! If he has ugly hands, focus on them! If he does something stupid, focus on it!
  • Avoid the temptation to answer personal emails, texts and phone calls from him. If you must answer, keep it brief and impersonal. It's hard, but try to discourage any sort of intimate or private behaviour.
  • Love yourself.  Sometimes we look to men to validate us, because we don't have enough self confidence.  Do something wonderful for yourself ... take a holiday, make some part of yourself over, learn something new, experience something amazing ... You are a fabulous woman.  Go out and live!

Who Knows?

Committed relationships can and do end.

Perhaps you are destined to have a relationship in the future with this man.

If you have been "the other woman", "the affair", "the homewrecker", the chances of a good relationship with him if he does ever become available are very, very slim.

However, if you have conducted yourself with dignity, self respect, decency and integrity, then if at some point this man's marriage fails for a reason other than your interference, you have built the foundations for a solid relationship with him.

Or, by then, you could be happily involved with someone else!  There is ALWAYS hope!

© 2010 herpointofview

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      wonderfulworld 2 weeks ago

      Yes, I would not read this type of article if I am not in the situation. It turns my world upside down and all around :) at 45 never been married and with a long time loyal boyfriend (although we don't live together in the same house) we have our own house and very close to each other. I felt for a married man at work and he felt for me too because I am an attractive woman :). Anyway, I would like to say thank you so much for this article. It's just RIGHT ON THE HEART. Great advice!!!. It's just I want to say thank you so much for helping us those who are in the situations - again love is painful but to experience it it's amazing feeling. Yes, "you are your worst enemy" so in order to win in this situation which means accept your feelings - let it cool down and fade- and don't commit to infidelity - you will feel the power of winning over yourself - it's amazing! it takes time and it takes hard work. Believe in yourself, your strength. :) now, you can do it! good luck ladies. I appreciate all of your in put - I learn so much from you all. Sincerely,

    • profile image

      Primrose 3 weeks ago

      Maybe it's not the best idea in every situation, but I ended up talking out my feelings with my married crush in a somewhat subtle way. We have an understanding of each other that goes pretty deeply despite barely knowing each other. I think many of us can relate to that instantaneous connection.

      I didn't know he was married at first. There were some signs and a few hints that I didn't mentally follow since my crush was clouding my mind. My job performance was actually affected by this crush.

      I am in a relationship that doesn't fulfill me but that I don't want to end. I love the comfort of being with someone who is devoted to me (and has been for years), but I'm not fully content, especially now suffering this beautiful, awful chemistry. It felt extremely surreal. I know if I had to work in the same area as he does every day, it would have been far more difficult not to indulge.

      So how did that work? I had his phone number (which he made sure I had) and had been texting him. I was really bored at work during dry spells, and my significant other wouldn't text me back very frequently.

      My significant other and I are not married. I'm having a hard time reconciling my crush with my relationship. Our dynamic has changed a few times, but he will never be a different person. I can't and don't expect him to be. I don't want him to be my crush either. Staying with him seems unfair in every sense for both him and me. I know he would break if I left him now, so I cannot.

      This wasn't my crush's first attempt at an affair. He's so honest, which is both despicable and admirable. I can't even be honest with myself.

      I kept chasing after an answer. I'm like a dog after a bone. I cannot let something go unless it's more concrete. I didn't want to know but had to know why he wanted something more. When I asked if he was married and he told me he was, I wanted to know why he kept chasing. Unlike me, he goes for the physical and forgoes the emotional. I'm the polar opposite.

      So maybe even exploring his mind a little bit will actually turn you off like it did me. I still like him a lot and am deeply attached and have pored over these texts excessively. I love this development. It's like parting ways without doing so. "Go and not go."

      The problem I had was finding something I disliked about him. I couldn't find anything that wasn't exclusively related to appearance, and I'm not one to fall for someone over looks despite others finding me attractive. I'm not shallow. He is. I didn't mind that he is, though. That included, I couldn't find something I disliked. His infidelity is the only thing. I'm emotionally the same as he is physically, so that's my own problem. That may be why I found it so offensive: I share the same fault in a different way. I hate that about myself and, thus, now him.

      Honestly, he will keep a piece of my heart from this whether he wants it or not and whether I want him to or not. The connection was made. Unless he does something to hurt me, it's irrevocable. I just can't do what he feels he needs; I won't do that to his wife. I feel for her. I feel guilty for the little part I played already. It's been maybe a month. We had met previously, and I felt drawn to him before and knew he was a problem. He sought me out. I had avoided pulling the thread. He made it too available, and now I know why.

      Despite chewing him out a little (partly out of my own guilt) and then apologizing for doing so, he still wants to be friends with me. We've already crossed that barrier, so I feel like it will be easy to remember how everything went down and to never crumble to it. I refuse to unless he could prove to me that he wants only me exclusively and forever. We all know that isn't going to happen.

      I value the sanctity of marriage. If you have a hard time with that and blur that line, this may not be the best move. I empathize with people deeply also and can't stand for heart pain or causing it. In a sense, I felt justified in my relationship since he had been distancing himself from me. I will always wear a mask with him if our relationship lasts. I always have. He doesn't love the genuine me.

      That's what I will miss and hopefully also keep with my ex-crush. I'll get to remember feeling wanted and desired even if it was truly only skin deep on his part (which I have a feeling is only partly true). Very flattering. I'll keep that with me going forward and just love myself even more to make up for what neither can give me.

      All in all, I love and accept myself more after this. I don't feel like a horrible person despite everything. I know I won't be drawn away as easily a second time. Fool me twice? I think not.

      Love yourself. It's imperative. Be content with being you. If you're not, open yourself to possibilities you've withheld from yourself. Work out. Run. Swim. Pick up an instrument or a foreign language. Draw. Paint. Take photos. Close gaps with friends. Live large and laugh!! Laugh every day. Find something to make you happy that doesn't involve romance. I've lived in that haze so long. I'm sick of my happiness relying on anyone else. I'll be happy no matter what, relationship or not.

      Just wanted to share my piece.

    • profile image

      Lauren 6 weeks ago

      Thanks this really helped

    • profile image

      Donna 2 months ago

      I'm a little late to this but had to comment. I've had a fairly intense crush on an older man from work for about a year. When I met him it was like a whack in the face, I felt like I've known him forever and that he was placed in my life at the right time (just broke up with my boyfriend and felt like he was there to help me get over him) Anyway we go back and forth for a year lightly flirting, I could feel jos light and loving energy from a mile away. Anyway cut to last month where we finally have the talk. Turns out he feels exactly the same way about me, but is married. He says we can at least "talk" about our fantasies but I turn him down. I know that if I was married I wouldn't want my husband sexting some other woman. He was totally understanding of my boundaries. It's so hard though, it is so easy to be around him. I'm the type of person where it's very difficult to forge these kinds of deep connections with, so when it happens for me it can be pretty intense. This is the first time I've ever had such a connection with a married man, and I feel like I'm in uncharted waters. This article put my mind at ease a little bit, and made me realize that I'm doing the right thing by turning down his advances. I do respect his relationship, and I do respect his wife (even though I've never met her and know nothing about her). It's hard as hell keeping things brief with him, when all I want to do is pour my heart out to him and tell him all the crazy fantasies I have about him. But I know in my heart I'm doing the right thing and that the universe will reward me with someone like him but more emotionally available.

    • profile image

      Happily Married 2 months ago

      I loved your post! Thank you so much.

      I have a crush on my supervisor at work who is 10 years older than me, and all this time I didn't think he was married and has a 9 years daughter.

      I'm very much happily married, but I can't help it. He's just so gorgeous, and honestly, he treats everyone the same. So, I'm not really that "special" to him.

      I'm just waiting for my feelings for him to vanish slowly because I don't think our partners deserve all this.

    • profile image

      missinghim 3 months ago

      @pdgg and @jadelola and all, hope you guys are doing fine. Suddenly thought of this blog and so decided to drop by and say hi. This blog and everyone in the comments saved me from what happened few years ago. You guys are really great!!!

    • profile image

      Pat 3 months ago

      You are absolutely right. About dignity,self respect,decency and integrity .Thankyou What I reed above is wtat I strongly believe and practices.

    • profile image

      Joanna 4 months ago

      I have feelings for a customer of mine but hes married.....He drives me home sometimes I cant get rid of these feelings help wat do I do?

    • profile image

      ann 5 months ago

      i am in love with a person, from my college days. i got attracted to him by seeing his face. one fine day i have proposed him. He agreed me, with out knowing my face also. after a long struggle we convinced our parents for our marriage. It is almost 7 years we are in love, but not yet married and we are in sexual relationship too. 2 years back, I joined a company after my studies. I was attracted to my co-worker, just by looking to his face, he came to know that, and he started spreading the news over the floor. I didn't had any sexually feeling towards him, but still it happened, by abusing my self finally i left that place. My lover didn't know any of this. Then, i joined in to another company, where everything was going good. But again after 1 year the same was happened, i got attracted to another person not even by knowing his name, whose face features are almost like my lover. without my intention i was looking to them, when I or he cross me accidentally, and he also looking to me with a feeling. Now he is seriously trying to get close with me.My Colleagues started to see me like call girl, they are making nonsense comment in front of me.

      In both the cases, i never spoke with the guys, and both were married which i not knew.

      I am felling offensive, by thinking that i am cheating my lover.

      My lover is a genuine person, he truelly loves me.

      I thought of leading a great life with him. I don't know , why I am now in a messup . And to handle this situation.

      I am really confused, whether i am a good characterized person or not.

    • profile image

      justAnother 6 months ago

      I am married to a wonderful loving husband. My husband's close friend asked to hangout after work, and I obliged as a social obligation, with whatsoever no feelings at all but just to be polite to him because he is my husband's friend. After the meet he told me that he is attracted to me etc. I tried to act mature and help him deal with the situation. But alas i started getting attracted to him, possibly because of the attention i got. I am struggling so much. I have been deeply, madly in love with my husband and i still am, I did not expect in the remotest of world for this to happen to me. Now I have a constant urge to talk, text, or see this guy. I try to control. I know it's just a phase, but it's so painful. I ended up crying in my husband's arms, and begged him to hold me. My husband is my best friend and I can't share with him my struggle. But I am going to be strong and get through this.

    • profile image

      Me 8 months ago

      Thank you so much

    • awonderland78 profile image

      Alice 8 months ago from Australia

      Thanks so much for the reply @PDDG

      I did start crying when I read your article. It's just very painful but after a semi-decent night's sleep and not seeing him today I feel some minor relief.

      It's so hard when you feel so strongly yet you know nothing will happen. I mean it may in the future but the chances are very slim. I am fortunate in that I only see him 2 to 3 times a week. I told myself yesterday I wasn't to have lunch with him or grab coffee because it only makes it all worse.

      I have a busy weekend ahead and yes I do play a fair bit of sport so I throw myself into these things and there a windows where I am able to stop thinking about him.

      Maybe I should date like you suggest. It's the last thing I want to do but maybe the best thing that could happen also.

      Unlike @Wanderer atleast he hasn't texted me - I'm not sure how you survive this way as I'd be a complete mess and probably unable to function! I can't even think straight as it is.

      He has suggested catching up over work drinks but atleast he means in a work environment where I think we both know it is safe.

      Anyhow I am getting older now and time isn't on my side if I want to settle down and find the right one and more importantly have a family.

      I guess life isn't meant to be easy .

      Love and peace to you both.

    • profile image

      PDGG 8 months ago

      @Alice and @Wanderer and anyone else that came here looking for help...I used to post on this board a couple of years ago. I still get an email when someone posts something here. I haven't posted in a long time but I thought I would share my experience with you all.

      I used to be in love with a married man and am very familiar with the pain that consumes you every day because of it. I no longer am in love with him, but he is a good friend. I see him almost everyday because I work with him. I eventually fell for someone else, a widow, that is a whole other story believe me! But let me share a bit of advice....

      First of all....it does get better. Know that.

      Stop beating yourself up about having these feelings. Feelings are neither right nor wrong. They are just feelings. Acting on them is something else, however. The heart wants what the heart wants. I am a firm believer that you don't get to choose who you fall for, it just happens. So don't think you are a bad person just because you have feelings.

      If you can avoid the man, do so. If you are in a situation like me where you have to see them all the time, I understand that just doesn't work. But in either case, my best advice is to try dating available men. Dating sites are a good place to start if you are into that sort of thing. If you are not ready to date anyone, then get involved in some hobby, social group, exercising, anything to get your mind busy with something else.

      So there it is, sounds simple but it can be difficult to do. But believe me when I say that your peace of mind is worth that hard work.

      In my case, I started dating and I fell hard for someone else. The married guy and I are really good friends and we still work together. I still care about him but I can honestly say that I am no longer in love with him. It does indeed get better.

      This may not be what you want to hear, but I hate to think of other people going through the same thing. I put myself through this torture for 3 long years. Enough is enough.

      Best wishes to you all. Have faith that what is yours will be yours. Love always finds a way. Promise. :)

    • awonderland78 profile image

      Alice 8 months ago from Australia

      Thanks for this article.

      I'm not sure who will read this delayed response.

      I really just need a forum to speak/write without judgement and feel so reassured to know that I'm amongst people in similar situations.

      I am single . He is married with two young kids.

      I can't help the way I feel and I've just learnt I have to acknowledge it's happening rather than ignore and sit it out until feelings fade.

      I know I can't act on it and I know nothing good will come of this if he or I were to......so I have to get over this! I endured a painful break up last year so figure I can survive anything I figure.

      I have to let the feelings fade and keep distracted - which is precisely what you have advised.

      I was feeling super guilty the other week when this all hit me but I now still have these feelings, weeks later and I know they are real and not just some silly idea.

      I mentioned my crush to a close friend and almost instantaneously regretted it as I could tell she was judging me already.

      I have not acted on anything. We grabbed a bite to eat together at work a couple of times quite openly but I have decided to now even avoid this situation. More for self preservation. As much as I adore seeing him I have to let it go in my mind as it will not serve me well in finding someone I can truly be with.

      At the end of the day he has a wife and kids and that aint changing and I wouldn't want it to.

      Nothing has happened between us or been said.

      My problem is I can't stop thinking about him and it's affecting my sleep and everyday life . It's all seems so trivial in the big scheme of life but at this moment it's all consuming and he is all can think about. I count down the days until I see him.

      Your article has confirmed what I thought which was that I would just have to sit and suffer (ha!) in silence and wait until the feelings pass. I figured there was no point in telling anyone as people will only judge and assume the worst of me.

      He has done nothing untoward or acted out of line in anyway or suggested anything - well he has kinda - but in a group situation atleast!

      I can tell we both feel the same way and yet the best thing is (and I mean this) is that as painful as it is for me, neither of us is acknowledging or acting an anything. I would love for him to contact me outside work but what would this achieve? Heartache, turmoil .... More pain and longing and the feeling of needing to see him. It's all such a pointless and a crazy way to be thinking I know.

      But I am easier on myself these days.....It's human nature I guess and better I acknowledge and own the struggle than deny what's happening.

      I feel like I'm a teen with a highschool crush on my favourite actor - without the handcut posters on my pasty pink bedroom walls.

      Love hurts in all its forms.

    • profile image

      Wanderer 8 months ago

      Thanks for sharing this. I have recently developed a crush on a male coworker who is married with three kids. I can't help but feel like a terrible person for having these feelings for him but I also can't seem to stop thinking about him. It doesn't help that he makes it a point to stop in and visit me in my office every day as well as has started texting me. I find myself getting emotionally attached and wishing for something more - and I know that it is not okay. Normally I am someone that slams down a steel door once I know that someone is attached... but for some reason I am unable to do this for him. I feel terrible for having these feelings for him and knowing that he has a wife and children - yet I also wish that I had met him prior to all of this. I think I am going crazy and I don't know what to do. I am emotional such that I get sad when I don't hear from him and I get happy but feel guilty when I do hear from him. I don't know how to handle it and carry on...

    • herpointofview profile image
      Author

      herpointofview 10 months ago

      I can see exactly why you emailed her and told her your feelings. It's obvious from your post that you are very open and honest. These are personality traits to be proud of, so don't be embarrassed. Whether a woman is 8 or 108, she likes to feel attractive, so I can guarantee that this woman is flattered by your admission. There is nothing wrong with your telling her that you fancy her if you have no intention of taking it further. You made it clear to her that you weren't expecting anything more, and my guess is that she recognizes that you are a very nice guy, and is making it easy for you by backing off. Any sort of reply from her could have been seen as an invitation, and I'm thinking that maybe it would have been tempting, so she did the right thing too. My feeling is that you need to talk to someone who can help you sort out your marriage problems, and help you to decide whether or not you should remain in the relationship. Perhaps, if you become single again, you could then contact this other woman and see if your changed circumstances make a difference. If you see her again in the meantime, don't pursue her or run away. Just be your usual friendly self if the opportunity arises. It seems to me that this situation is the beginning of a change for you where you actively start sorting out your problems and you head towards a happier life.

    • profile image

      Anonfin 10 months ago

      I did something stupid. I'm a married guy, nearly 20 years, teen kids. I have felt very lonely and ignored by my wife for many years. She has told our daughter that if I had an affair we'd stay married for the kids and financial reasons. She loves me on some level, as I do her, but she finds intimacy difficult and takes no interest in me (I mean my interests, not only sexually -- it's quite a put down when she dismisses you in every way).

      I've tried and tried. Needless to say I'm depressed long-term and don't feel like getting on in the world. While I'm in this marriage everything seems pointless.

      Anyway, I met this lady in my hobby (scuba instructing), did some training a couple of times at the pool (she sent pictures to thank, one only of her, and some thanking emails, one ending 'hope to see you again one day!), accidentally bumped into her in the dive shop where on leaving I said surprised to see you again and she parted with 'nice surprise', and I thought that was it. I was already developing a crush. Then a few days later I was minding my own business in a supermarket, and she came from behind to talk to me. It was all very mundane, but her voice seemed a bit nervous and once she blushed. Then I walked around with a dumb ecstatic smile on my face.

      So, I couldn't contain it any longer, and stupidly emailed that I had a crush and thought she was wonderful. I did say I was saying this because I never expected to se her again and wasn't chasing her. I thanked her for making me realize it's possible to feel like that again. She's been out of the country a couple of weeks, but no reply. I feel so stupid. I've maybe offended a nice lady, and look like a cheat (though morally I feel my own marriage is dead -- and I did apply for a divorce but was asked to take it back). All the same, even though it was all quite predictable, it's only just dawning on me how badly I've done things, and I feel awful and feel a right fool. She must think I'm deceitful, intrusive, taking liberties, selfish, tactless... It's possible she liked me in some way, but there's nothing explicit she did to lead me on (although I'm not very clever in these matters -- once I never noticed that a woman thought she was starting an affair with me!). Mostly she was happy but neutral e.g. 'writing '"I'll be thinking of your advice (not 'you') when swimming among the corals".

      A married woman should be able to go around being smiley and civil with a guy without him declaring silly feelings for her. She must despise me for appearing friendly but harbouring secret feelings, and think I'm a love-sick immature idiot for declaring them. In mitigation, I have been unhappy and desperate for a long long time. And then my wife was nicer to me for a day and I felt like crap. I'm never emailing that wonderful lady again, and will run a mile or simply be neutral and polite if we meet, but how do I recover from this total loss of honour and dignity (which is all my own doing)? I'd feel better if she shared some of the guilt, but there's nothing I can specifically pin down that can be interpreted as her coming on to me, and there as plenty of neutral behaviour to say otherwise.

      Anyway, in some ways all I've done is tell someone (married) I have a crush, but I've been very upset about what it means to my own marriage regarding honour and embarrassing my wife in front of another woman, my interference in another woman's marriage, and making myself look despicable. I can't even jump off a cliff, as it would upset the kids.

    • herpointofview profile image
      Author

      herpointofview 10 months ago

      Thank you, Mac, for sharing for your thoughts and personal insight.

    • profile image

      Mac 10 months ago

      Heart broken girl. You did nothing wrong. You are a human and most likely encountered a soul mate. Read up on it because it is real. It will put many things in perspective for you. My friend from college is a soul mate to me as well. I felt as if I knew her in a past life and felt comfortable around her with no logical basis for it. A couple things to remember, your soul mate is not always your life partner. Typically soulmates come into our lives to teach us and help us grow spiritually and from a personal level. They typically leave as abruptly as they entered. Your soulmate may not recognize you as such and they can sometimes be assholes. Your approach about open communication was appropriate. His approach not entirely so. He dehumanized you instead of letting you down gently. In my book he is no gentleman. I am sure this experience helped you grow some how. You just have to think about it for awhile. It is nice to know that there are caring woman out there who try to communicate and be reasonable. Too bad this guy could not do the same. You might have simply been friends.

    • profile image

      Mac 10 months ago

      The term crush as well as its definition are very misleading. Age and intention create distinctions that could indicate that you are in love or just simply attracted to someone because you share common interests. The term seems more appropriate for teens whose emotions are all over the place as they are on the road to self discovery and seem to fall in and love at the drop of a hat. As an older adult and with hind sight it is important to not cut people off abruptly. It is hurtful and shows emotional immaturity. I have gently let down many women in my life in a caring and respectful way to make an effort to preserve their self esteem and dignity. The only time to cut someone off abruptly is when they become obsessive and create a danger to you, your family and themselves. I am currently in a situation where I reconnected with someone with whom I loved in college nearly 40 years ago. I found that I was still very much in love with her but also realized I could not act on it because of my prior commitments. This person lives over 3000 miles away so it is not a tough thing to do. However, I do consider her s friend because she taught me many life lessons thru the experience that I am eternally grateful for. Our relationship was not physical back in college. Yes you can actually fall in love with someone without having sex with them. I was never able to tell her how I felt about her. Circumstances were such that it would not have been appropriate and would have complicated things for her so I walked away in college. Fast forward to 40 years later, I try to send her emails in an attempt to be her friend and engage her in conversation. Unfortunately, she sees responds very tersely if at all. As someone on the Other side receiving this recommended approach, I find it very frustrating, immature, and presumptuous. It makes me think less of this person as a person of character and integrity and is preventing us from being friends. My recommendation is too not do this because it just diminishes us all as human beings. Try communicating with the other person first. You will find that it is easier to bring things to a conclusion and allow both sides humanity and dignity in the process. I am constantly amazed at how little training people receive in dealing with interpersonal relationships. Our psychologist friends like to put labels on everything and everybody. I think many times they forget that every situation is different and nothing is ever that black and white. Remember we are all entitled to have feelings and emotions. How we deal with them with each other is what makes us civilized and unique out of all gods creations.

    • profile image

      message in a bottle 10 months ago

      Today I had a rehearsed message in my mind..."with the holiday coming up ,I wanted to give thanks for this place and the great life energy we all get here...and I am especially to have met you...I am thankful that you have always been kind and polite to me and have not lost your patience with me and told me to leave you alone"

      "And I want to wish you and your family much health and happiness in this holiday season and going forward..."

      What really was said .." hi there....." "hi"..

      "Happy Thanks giving"..."you too"

      And that was it, Happy Thanks giving every one.

    • herpointofview profile image
      Author

      herpointofview 11 months ago

      You're not crazy - just human. Wishing you (and everyone here who has shared a personal story) wisdom, happiness and peace.

    • profile image

      message in a bottle 11 months ago

      I have been tormenting myself for 2-3 years with these same thoughts that I read here..Still not sure if I can open up, but it is very helpful to see that my inner thoughts are not crazy.

      There is 1 person that I really want to talk to about this, but it is inappropriate...

      I think that if i tell my story it will go on long.

      This is a test, maybe no one is out there anymore.

      A message in a bottle.

    • profile image

      Heartbrokengirl 11 months ago

      Read thru almost all the stories here. All so familiar. All without answers to help the hurt.

      Here is my hurt

      I am a happily married woman for 14 years no kids but husband has two from previous marriage. They are grown with families of their own. We have a grea marriage.

      I own my own business, and one day, he came in. He is a married man, with two grown children. His gaze hit me like I was sacked with a ton of bricks. His subtle nature and blue eyes made me feel like I would fall to the floor on the spot. He shopped around and we actually sat and chatted in the shop for a good 15 minutes. I was toast! Funny thing is, is that I am hit on quite regularly, and I would say that 100% of all men don't interest me in the slightest. I have refused advances multiple times without a blink of an eye. But, this time, was different.

      Also , he is Not my type AT ALL, looks, height, hair, you name it. But after that day in my shop, I had to be near him. We exchanged numbers as he was interested in buying a particular piece.

      I texted him the next day and asked to see him as I had a problem with a family member needing housing, and knew he had multiple places he manages and may be able to help.

      We met, and both agreed, it seemed as if we knew eachother in a previous lifetime, or just knew eachother somehow. I joked about the episode of Seinfeld where Elaine sees "The Whiz" and falls under his spell when she sees him, and told him I was Elaine, and he was "The Whiz". He thought that was cute.

      For a week or so after that we texted casually, he was receptive but cautious, never saying anything incriminating always a gentleman.

      One night I texted a pic of myself (g rated) and he said he was confused by the photo. My response was " I like you, lets try to deal with it".

      Silence.

      I went too far.

      I got to see him a couple of days later for a few minutes and explained that I was really attracted to him and even though I would never act on it, that is how I felt. He acted stupidly, as if he had no idea I liked him and said, from now on just text me if it is work related. I was heartbroken. He was right there with me, and now he is backpeddling like it was all on my side.

      Over the next few months I tried to text him. Most of the time, no response, but sometimes, a one or two letter answer.

      I stopped.

      Waited four months in agony. Finally I needed some help and knew he was able to provide it. So I asked him to help me. He replied right back and said sure. Needless to say, he helped me on my project, it took two hours. I played it so cool. Never any talk about anything about "us".

      He said goodbye and so did I, and that was three days ago. My heart still breaks for this man, and I have no idea what he is thinking, god I would love to know, either way. I swear, we were connected in a previous life.

    • profile image

      piningaway 11 months ago

      I'm in love with a married man. I nursed his father until he passed away (I'm an RN). He was a lot more attentive towards me than the other three RN's who also nursed his father. We made a lot of eye contact. I attended his father's wake and funeral. On the last day, we hugged. It seemed like nothing because everyone was hugging him and his family members. I was also mourning for his father and had never seen him cry so much before. I did not want to stop hugging him. I wanted it to go on forever. I long for physical intimacy with this man. I am single and used to be more attracted to women than to men... he made me change my mind... and, that is a big deal. Before him, I was always wary of men. But, he's married with a daughter who is only five years younger than I. I like his wife. But, I yearn so much for his touch. I miss him like crazy and keep waiting to hear from him. He texted me few days ago, thanking me for attending his father's wake and funeral, and, for taking care of him (the father). I don't know if I'll ever hear from him again. He's on my mind every waking moment. I can't stand this agony :'(

    • profile image

      Confused 16 months ago

      Oh man I'm so glad I'm not alone. I'm not married but I have been in a relationship with a loving man for 7 years. I met my married coworker a year ago on my first day. I was head over heels so quickly. It also doesn't help that he's a cop because I LOVE a man in uniform. After a few months of flirting I found out he's actually 15 years older than me (he looks to still be in his late 20's.) I have become so infatuated with him. My really good friend who is also a coworker tells me it's obvious that he has a crush too but I try not to think of that. He's very flirty with me and I get butterflies when talking to him. It's come to the point where I have songs I listen to because they remind me of him. I have no intention to be involved with a married man but if a night out drinking turned into something more I'm not sure I'd be able to stop myself. It's consuming my life and as much as I want it to end I also don't. I don't want to ruin my relationship with a my amazing man but I'm just so tempted with the married man. Situations like this suck...

    • profile image

      hk 23 months ago

      4 months ago i crushed on someone bt i can't tell him coz he is married man and my lecturer too.i lose confidence when he is around me.some times i feel he is talking with his eyes. its very difficult for me to understand correctly his feelings or may be i afraid from something. i think he understand my feelings.i wana give him my whole life bt i coudn't do any thing just coz he is a married person and have a sweet baby boy and beautiful wife. just once i wana kiss him and feel him around me.......i know its not possible for us :( we both are Muslims and ethically its not gud or we've no right to touch each other.i love him with all my heart..i ve deep feelings for him.

      my english is not gud.. so forget my mistkes :p....i just share ma feelings here

    • profile image

      Confused Guy 2 years ago

      @All,

      Hope you all are doing great.

      I have read that many of you here had physical as well with your crush.

      How do you woman want to turn a hug to the next big step (like kiss, etc)? How did that first kiss happen? Just curious.

    • profile image

      missing him 2 years ago

      By the way, i have a feeling the table has been turned. My married man treated me better as he would spend time go for coffee with me when im down. I went with him as best friend status, which the feeling is quite good, much better than what we had previously.

    • profile image

      jadelola 2 years ago

      Another update, I saw him again today with our mutual friend. They walked past me but didn't notice so I called to our friend and waved. My crush looked at me...gave a frightened look and smiled and they continued to walk :(

      It's hard for me also coz in normal circumstances, they would have stopped to talk to me and my crush would have phoned me to come for lunch. But now like we are strangers. I can't bear it :(

    • profile image

      jadelola 2 years ago

      Hisownangel...the cold treatment hurts. Your relationship got sexual from what i understood?

      As for me after seeing him yesterday i replied to his email asking me to respect him and not contact him.

      I replied that he knows i respect him and was and will always be there for him.And i didnt do amything to him. And that it was nice seeing him today

      He replied that his decision has nothing to do with me not respecting him or that i am a bad person....on the contrary...there isnt anyone like me. And he made his decision to cut all contact based on stuff he doesnt really want to discuss.

      He wrote that he is really sorry that it hurts me so much and he understands me. He asks to keep his no contact request and no need to reply to the email.

      I wonder if it is coz of his wife. Someone said it is coz he has feelings for me.

      I miss him sooo much :(

    • profile image

      Hisownangel 2 years ago

      @jadelola

      Thank you for sharing again ur story to

      us

      What your going through right now is really hard and hurting

      Somehow, im already starting to experience that cold of treatment little by little from my crush also

      As we decided to have our last day to be sweet to each other

      Its really so hard especially at the times that i missed him so much

    • profile image

      jadelola 2 years ago

      I was just reading past my posts here since I joined and after he touched me. Even after that happened we were still so close. Maybe something bad happened with his wife and he is scared. Maybe, like my friend said that he had a bad fight with his wife and he knows that his feelings for me aren't innocent and if we will be in touch even a bit it will turn again into what it was and his marriage is on the line. But I doubt that is the reason...don't think he is even attracted to me :(

    • profile image

      jadelola 2 years ago

      @missing him and @all - haven't been here in ages. Wanted to try move on and thought to disconnect from here and not read others stories might help also...forget that I was in love with a married man and probably still am. Anyways, as you can see I am back.

      @missing him - how on earth did you move on and you see him everyday? Well done!!!!!

      @Hisownangel - I see that you joined the page after I left...you are in good hands :) Hope things will get easier.

      My story in brief for the newbies :) Worked with this guy for 6 months - he interviewed me and hired me (he wasn't my boss) and we became very close and we were always together. We also live in the same area so we used to go to work and back together. We even watched a few porns together..

      Then I left and found a job right near him and again we went to work together and again ate lunch together. This was for another year until my work moved to another city. During that year twice on the way home he touched me at the most intimate place but put a quick stop to it. We were always sometimes in contact after hours and also sometimes met up with another mutual guy friend at a bar. His wife didn't know about this and that we were such good friends. Also when my job moved city we were still in touch and met. There was a time when she asked him to cut contact with me but he didn't.

      But then October 5th -remember the day and date so clearly :( he cut all ties. Apparently, his wife understood that we went out again to that bar with our friend and they had a huge blow up. That is I think the last update I gave here.

      Some time later I tried contacting him by email and he didn't respond but he responded to about my 4th email. Said the cut in contact is for his own benefit and to respect him.

      Last month was his birthday so I sent him happy birthday and he replied just with Thanks.

      In the meantime my department closed and last week I found a job again near him...i keep on going back to that area.

      Needless to say it's extremely hard to be in that area and not to be in touch with him...no driving to work, no lunch nothing.

      Our mutual friend told me that my crush knows my boss (small world) and that he isn't happy that I am back in the area :(

      Anyway, I was struggling with something at work and needed help so I decided to send him an email asking for help. I told him that if he doesn't reply I understand.

      He replied and corrected me with a spelling mistake I always make and wrote something like 'excellent that you understand but don't be hurt.'

      Then about half an hour later he wrote again 'Ok fine...and he helped me.' I thanked him and asked for clarification and he wrote back and helped me out nicely. I was happy...made my day...thought if he hated me then he wouldn't have helped.

      But then came today and I am in tears...first thing in the morning I get an email from him

      ' Sorry to be doing this first thing in the morning but...please respect me and don't contact me not even by email. Thanks.'

      Imagine getting an email like that from your crush. And we didn't even fight!!!

      During lunch I went with someone that works with me to get lunch. Across the road I see him sitting with other friends of mine from his work. His friends waved and I decided to go say hello to them. He kind of nodded hello and just looked and didn't stop smiling. When they got up to leave he asked my colleague something and she said that I am extremely nice ...he always used to tease me...loved it to be honest.

      But when they guys continued outside to talk to me he stood on the side and looked at a newspaper.

      I am devastated. You could think I did something awful to him. Why is he acting like this?? I then replied to his email ' I said that I don't deserve this treatment from him. That I didn't do anything to him. I was always there for him and always was on his side and always tried to help. That he is acting like we fought or something. That it was nice seeing him today and that now we are working again near each other and I think we should talk about it. That we will probably run into each other again and no need for this treatment.'

      The girl that I was with said to me ' that guy that left - he is very cute.' Wanted to tell her to shut up!!! He did look sexy - unshaven with his blue shirt -love that shirt - that shirt with his unshaven look always did something to me.

      I am sooo hurt and I miss him so much. So, unfortunately, I am not over him! Sucks!

    • profile image

      Hisownangel 2 years ago

      @missinghim

      Nice to hear from you

      So happy that you have already move on

      As for me - got involved so deeply with him and now is the time for us to say goodbye

      I was not really able to say goodbye to him cause I still can't but I'm hoping that someday everything will be fine in me, that this pain will somehow fade

      I know i will miss him so much but there is nothing I can do about it

      Even if i miss him i know he will do everything not to miss me anymore for it is the right thing for us to do

      It is really so painful

      I blame myself for all this hurt for I allowed myself to get deeply in love with him.

      Really crying a lot this past few days for it really hurt so much

      Thank you for just being here with me at my very low moment of this time.

    • profile image

      missing him 2 years ago

      Checking in to say hi to everyone :)

    • profile image

      TenYearsNow 2 years ago

      Hi @missing him,

      Yay, so great to hear from you! A new possible interest, too! The best of luck getting to know him. Hopefully he doesn't have a BF, but even so, it's possible he may be...bi? Nothing wrong with just being friends for now.

      It appears I'm on a bit of a roll. They are far and few in between, but the interactions with my guy lately have been really sweet. And yet I don't want to jinx it, get greedy, push my luck.

      Importantly, I don't want him thinking I go to his workplace just to see him. Depending on business factors, I do have some leeway as to how often I visit his location. But I am consciously cutting back...

      I don't mean to play silly mind games, but instead of immediately seeking him out, I just look or listen for him and if I sense his presence, I pretend I'm unaware of him. Remaining focused on my tasks, I wait and see if he makes first contact. Although sometimes I do, if it feels right. It's a thrill when he notices me, greets me, or --if fate smiles upon me--he initiates conversation.

      Like on Thur 6/4 --

      Similar to Wed, I walk in, not sure if he's there. I'm waiting to discuss work matters with one of his male colleagues. I hear him nearby.

      Next thing I know, he's walking right past me. I feel he's standing near. I figure he'll talk to a client who's right behind me. But he gets my attention, pulls me away, asking "You're in a rush, right--Ma'am?"

      ME: Did you actually just call me "Ma'am"?

      HE: Just being polite.

      ME: "Ma'am"? "Ma'am"? There's NO way I'm older than you. How 'bout "Miss"?

      HE: No, you're definitely not older. How about "Lady."

      ME: Uh, "Lady"? Rude much?

      And then he tells me how he's been called worse by clients and colleagues; how recently an employee quit, accusing him of being rude and then trying to start an argument with him. My guy apparently then called him a "retard."

      ME: (incredulous.) You called him the "R-word"?

      HE: We have to say "R-word" now?

      ME: Well, yeah, unless you want the politically correct police on your back.

      HE: Where I was growing up, we used all kinds of terms like that. Anyway, the idiot called me "intimidating."

      ME: Intimidating? You, intimidating? (I smile at him).

      * * * *

      Anyway, I don't remember the exact details of the interaction, but it was n...ice! Even though the work he and I were doing was done, we kept the banter going, all the while he was assisting a client who was "in line" after me.

      No eye-lock and it's still not full-on mutual flirting, but I get such a rush from the playful talk and being able to look at his face. Reluctantly, I made myself pull away, since he had other clients waiting. As I leave, I tell him to enjoy the ZZZZ game on that night. And then I stop, walk back to add:

      ME: I mean, enjoy the drinking--not so much the game.

      He laughs. I leave.

      I'm skipping Fri 6/5, Mon 6/8, and Tue 6/9. If I skip Wed 6/10, I wonder....will he even notice?

      Ah, well.

    • profile image

      missing him 2 years ago

      and also to add, all the best to everyone. hope you guys are doing well right now :)

    • profile image

      missing him 2 years ago

      hi @tenyearsnow and @hisownangel: its has almost been two months since my previous update. i would safely say that i've completely moved on from this married man. we still remained as friends, we still go for lunch together on daily basis (on working days only of course). i could sense that he is unhappy when i moved on, since i no longer treat him as a "dreamguy". but it doesn't really matter, as i have completely not having crush on him anymore :)

      as for my new crush, it is a lil challenge for me as i tried to find out more about him from the internet, i am suspecting he has a boyfriend. not 100% confirmed but i guess it is the case. but i will still be his friend no matter what. we have kinda similar taste in many things and thats where our conversation grows. whether he will be interested in me, it doesnt matter anymore. although i hope he might one day :)

    • profile image

      TenYearsNow 2 years ago

      Hi @out there!

      Since I went kinda frequently last week to my crush’s workplace, I wanted to cut back a bit.

      Also, it dawned on me that from June~August, my visits will diminish from several times a week to just once a week. But back to regular schedule in September, so I'll just have to make the most of my limited visits during the summer.

      Mon 6/1 – Skipped. Tho' he's usually there.

      Tue 6/2 – I know he's not there on Tuesdays. Skipped.

      Wed 6/3 –

      Walked in. Did a quick, surreptitious visual scan. Didn’t see him. While going about my work, heard his (loud) voice near-by. I pretended I didn't see him, focusing on my tasks.

      Later, while I was waiting to see his busy colleague, he came walking toward her, to help her out. I know he saw me, but assumed he would just be business-like, maybe say Good Morning. I kept myself occupied. To my surprise, he carried my materials and gestured for me to follow him. (What? Yay!)

      After we conducted our work, I normally would have left to go to my next location, but noticing he had stubble again, I stayed and looked at him.

      ME: So…I guess you didn’t shave?

      HE: (Smirking and faking a bit of indignation) I shaved this morning.

      (Oh right. I noticed the right and left cheek areas were in fact shaved. Clean. Smooth.)

      ME: Really? So…what, you going for a van dyke?

      HE: I always wear it this way. For as long as I’ve known you.

      ME: So no beard, huh? (I smirk at him.)

      (He started helping out another client, but while helping the client, he continued talking to me. Nice!)

      HE: Remember, there was that study about beards being filthy.

      ME: Yeah, but you’re a….clean guy, right? Surely, you bathe and groom on a daily basis?

      HE: (Laughs. Continuing to work with client and converse with me).

      ME: I mean, look at The XXXX (my city’s baseball team). 95% of those players’ hunkiness comes from their facial hair. Well, except for YYYY (an awesome young player who looks silly when he grows a mustache).

      HE: Yeah, YYYY has too much of a babyface to pull off a beard. I don’t really watch The XXXX or any sports.

      (Normally this is where I kinda drift off and walk away, but this time I remain firmly implanted where I stand. I gaze into his eyes while he talks and smiles. I see the client in my periphery. But I just. Don’t. Care.)

      HE: Yeah, I’m not really a sports fan, but the ZZZZ’s (our basketball team) give me a great excuse to go drinking with my friends.

      * * * *

      I give a final smile to him and walk out happy. Although he’s multi-tasking--talking to both his client and me (I guess I'm his client), it’s sooooo nice to have the eye-contact, smiling and banter.

      Anyway, a win!

    • profile image

      HisOwnAngel 2 years ago

      Hello

      @ TenYearsNow

      So nice to hear updates from you

      I love the part of him really made you smile!!!!

      My update

      We already talked to each other about us being sweet to each other

      I seriously now need help

    • profile image

      TenYearsNow 2 years ago

      Hello @all,

      @HisOwnAngel....any updates?

      Ok, so Thur (5/28). I had work at his location. I spotted his (alleged) car, smiled to myself, and walked in.

      It was a busy morning, with lots of people. Didn't see him. I shrugged it off and went about my work.

      Later, I overheard his colleagues summoning him. I spotted him from the corner of my eye, so I e....ver so casually veered my trajectory so that I would end up in his area.

      Just had to wait a bit, as it was crowdy. I kept my eyes downward, pretending to be busy on my phone, trying to stay and look calm, nonchalant, chill. Of course inside, I was like Yikes! He's just a few feet away!

      Then it was my turn to conduct a work matter with him. He kept it business-like. Although I would have liked to, I did not engage in personal talk, with so many others around. I kept focusing on the task at hand, trying not to look into his eyes.

      While he was conducting business with me, he was conversing with another colleague nearby. It could be construed as rude, but he does it all the time, so no biggie. It gave me a chance to glance at his face. Stubble again! Secretly hoping he grows it into a beard.

      At the conclusion of our business, he handed me a document, looked at me briefly and said, a bit slowly: "Thank you....Tenny." The emphasis on my name was like "TEN...ny." Drawn out somewhat.

      So I responded in kind with "Thank you....Steven," mimicing his slow drawl so it came out like "STE...ven. (NOTE: fake name). I smirked at him and walked out.

      Fri (5/29) I was at his workplace again but conducted business with others. He was there nearby. I heard his voice (it's a bit loud) and he walked closer to where I was, but still 20, 30 feet away.

      He noticed me and said what I think was "Good morning Tenny" but maybe cuz I was a bit far, it sounded like his voice trailed off, whisper-like, as if he was saying it to himself.

      I was in the middle of conducting work with his colleague, so I just beamed a smile at him. He went back to being busy and then I left.

      ...and that was my week. I know, much ado about nothing, but like I said, it's the little things that bring me small dollops of happiness.

    • profile image

      TenYearsNow 2 years ago

      So I was a bit bummed...but actually had a great day! It's all in perspective I guess.

      For work, I regularly go to various locations, and I usually go to my guy's location a few times a week in the mornings.

      Each visit is short, maybe 20 minutes, and there is no guarantee he will be there. Even if he is, many times I just see him in the periphery. Sometimes we interact and its those times that bring a little excitement to my day, esp. if its involves eye-contact (god, those eyes!) or mutual laughter.

      I pass through a parking lot to get his workplace. Over time, I kinda figured out which car might be his. I'm not 100% sure, but he seems to be there whenever I see it in the lot. Of course, it might even be a co-worker's vehicle, but I do smile to myself when I glance at it.

      So Tue I didn't see the car, and he wasn't there. Today (Wed) I saw the car and he was there but was busy engaged with clients and colleagues, so don't know if he even noticed I came by.

      So that's why I felt a bit bummed this morning, but then I don't know what it is, but lately, even though I know nothing will ever happen with him, I feel positive and upbeat regardless. I just look forward to seeing him another day. I'm filled with the anticipation of the possibility.

      I feel school-girl euphoric by the littlest things, and no longer feel like really crushed when I don't see him. I think I'm now able to do so because I've accepted that it is just a crush and it will never develop into anything more. Just going with it, enjoying the pleasant feelings the crush brings me.

      On another note, remember I said I was kinda looking forward to having another crush someday? Well, there MIGHT be another guy that could fit the bill. He's older (55, 56?), married, kids who are older than mine, and we talk a lot at another work location of mine, as we have things in common. I also see him a few times a week, but we most always interact.

      I'm not drawn to him in the powerful way I'm drawn to my crush, but lately I'm noticing a different kind of vibe from him. If I get to know him better, perhaps we hang out beyond work, I can totally see us becoming fast friends....and possibly even more. If he were to make any kind of move, I just might...respond. I guess we'll see how it develops and see how I feel.

      Anyhoo.....

    • profile image

      HisOwnAngel 2 years ago

      @TenYeasNow

      thank you

      Hope to hear from you soon

    • profile image

      HisOwnAngel 2 years ago

      Hello

      TenYearsNow

      True we became so intimate these past few days

      Thank u for your concern and reminding me about us be in a full sexy time

      I admit last night its really so tempting to take off Hushlove eyeglass and kiss him while his beside me, as im checking hum if he fall asleep already but I do not want to go in thAt stage, cause I know wer going to hurt a lot of people we knew and we love too.

      My hubby did not suspect that there is something on between us, theres no way that my hubby would think that way about us , i wish its the same with his wife.

      Hushlove and I never talked about it, honestly, it seems he wants me to treat things as if its a normal thing for us, it does not mean anything at all if we flirt around with each other and without putting it into words Im kinda goin into the flow, even at the night that were physically intimate, we have this silent mutual aggreement that what wer doing is an innocent, friendly, no malice in it, and i intend to stand on that kind of thinking

      But i know we both does not want to do things more than that, actually i think there will be no next time for us to do thAt, since the next meetings that wer gonna have are more like of family time or party with friends

      What we did then is just a dream for us

    • profile image

      TenYearsNow 2 years ago

      @hisownangel,

      wow thanks so much for sharing!.....gosh what i wouldn't give to have that kind of cuddle time with my guy. i am no way near there.

      as i shared in earlier posts, i have had zero intimacy, in all senses of the word, with my husband, for 10 years (hence, my nickname). the human touch is so vital to our happiness, and luckily i get plenty of that from hugging, snuggling and kissing my kids. but still...

      and like with anything, once you get used to something, it just isn't a big deal anymore, but there were times, early on, when it really saddened me that we became this sexless couple. i mean, in our 30's! i'm always joking to friends that he's like my live-in cousin. that's not to say that i'm not a sexual person. when needs arise, i apply uh, self-help.

      so how are things with your husband? what about hushlove's marriage? it just sounds like you and he are getting real intimate, and wouldn't be surprised if you guys take it to the next level to full-on sexy time. if you do, please just be careful.

      in my fantasy of fantasies, if i were to get ever so lucky with my guy and get to where you guys are, i would insist that neither of us leave our marriages, that it would be a mutual-married-with-benefits kind of thing. basically, i would love to have him as a boyfriend. to hang and do stuff with sometimes.

      interestingly, part of me doesn't really want to ever actually go all the way with my guy. it scares me, the idea of going that far (though the fantasies concocted in my head say otherwise). i know it's very junior high school girly of me, but i would just be happy with talking, holding hands and kissing...

      anyway, feel free to keep sharing. know that you have support here!

    • profile image

      HisOwnAngel 2 years ago

      Missing Hushlove more

      I know having crush on him is not that right, how i really wish it will wear off fast before anyone gets hurt

      Were now in the stage of being so comfortable sitting so close, holding hands and texting more often than before

      Missing him holding my hands and subtle embrace

    • profile image

      Hisownangel 2 years ago

      So nice

      Our time together yesterday just talking and holding hands was so nice

      Then being with him the next morning that everything still fine between us

      I was worried that Hushlove might have a change of heart about what happened between us

      So happy that wer still good and still having fun talking and being with each other and touching or holding hands between us is something now open for us to do with each other

    • profile image

      hisownangel 2 years ago

      Hello everyone

      @TenYearsNow

      So nice to know that you have that kind of interaction/sweet encounter with him

      How i wish I can have that constant thing with my Hushlove

      Today, we had a chance to be together, helping me out on things and talking with each other while he holds my hands

      At first wer just sitting together , while watching and talking with each other

      its really a nice feeling then i sit on the floor off from the love seats and then he slowly slide himself to from the seats beside me on the floor, as he seats too then we keep teasing each other, squeezing his hands from time to time then he also hold my hands also but not that long at first, then he started to threw his arms at my back as i felt his hands on my back gently, i am really so tempted to lean on his chest and let me be cuddled by him but i just burried my face on the seats under his arm then he started pulling up my face tried to emdrace me for a little while then squeeze my face

    • profile image

      TenYearsNow 2 years ago

      what's up@all,

      welcome, @hisownangel! i am relatively new too and have found non-judgemental "ears." it is so nice to be able to connect with others in similar situations. i like older guys too. he's 50, i'm 45. we're both married. nothing going on though.

      luckily, had another neat interaction today. i have a work matter, so i approach him.

      HE: Tenny (for "TenYearsNow")

      ME: Hey, wow, you remembered my name. Again.

      HE: You should feel honored. I'm really bad with names.

      * * *

      HE: I should start charging you for walking my area.

      ME: Huh?

      HE: I should start charging you for walking my area.

      ME: Why would you charge me? (NOTE: For work, my organization normally pays his organization, so I am super confused).

      HE: Because you walk my area.

      ME: Huh??

      HE: My trails.

      ME: (It finally dawn on me). Ohh! You mean the trails in your mountains. Got it. (NOTE: See my last post).

      * * * *

      BTW, these bits of convo are not exactly flirty. he's just this friendly to everyone.

      So I decide to get a bit bold.

      ME: So...you growing a beard? (I notice stubble, maybe 1/2 cm long, with gray/white hair mixed with his normal dark hair. I likey!)

      HE: Everyone's been asking me that. No, I don't like beards. I just shave every other day.

      ME: You should grow a beard.

      HE: Nah. Didn't you hear about that study recently where they tested men's beards and found they were dirtier than toilets?

      ME: Yup. But. You should grow a beard.

      HE: (To a client who stepped closer, who happens to have a bushy beard. Not so likey). Present company excluded, but beards aren't for me.

      ME: Trust me. Your wife will like it. All wives do. Eventually.

      and then i walk away, while he's still saying something. i just didn't know how else to end it, and lately i just kinda walk away mid-convo. I'll admit, it's a way to get his attention. just like when i walk into his work area, i pretend i don't see him, though i know here' there in my peripheral. mind you, don't know if its working at all, this aloof behavior, but a girl's gotta try, no?

      anyhoo, once i'm at a safe distance, i smile like a idiot all the way to my next work location....

      ...and that was my thursday.

    • profile image

      HisownAngel 2 years ago

      Thank you so much for this posting, so nice to know that there are a lot of you outthere experiencing the same thing what im experiencing right now.

      At first,i really try so hard to shake off the idea and feeling of having a crush on him, so hard to keep it all into myself, i really do want to share it to a friend but im so scared to be judge and be reminded that i should stop this non sense things about him

      Just this week, my crush(let me use my term if endearment to him"hushlove")

      My hushlove is a very good and kind man, Hushlove is 12years older than me, 52y/o ,and one thing that somehow hurt me most is that he's married for over 29years and I am married too for 11years now

      weve known each other for 10 years and most of our common friends considered him as a very good mentor for He is so kind and full of wisdom.

      For 10 years,once a week our couples clique usually have dinner and get together in his house, and i have gotten so comfortable that i usually joke around with him in front of others since I'm the youngest in the group I can easily pull cute and funny things that would make things so light.

      I do not know how my attraction started to him, for I really considered Hushlove like a father or a very close uncle, and him being so kind i know that most of the nice things hes doing for me for sure he is also doing to others but as time goes by I started to notice that there are things that unconsciously or maybe hes comfortable doing things to me and saying things that his not doing to others, especially the time the group learned that will be leaving soon and my family will be transferred to other city, a 5 hr drive from his place were we all usually meet.

      That time, we started to spend more time with the group, it is also the first time I pay attention to Hushlove

      do things that would end up touching my hands, before its normal for me but then come a time that its not anymore for me, i started to feel different about it. I started to learn that its just with me among the othef female friends that his kinda joking around, always sitting beside me, frequently pinching my face when im the usually me being happy in,

      Toouching my back, my hips and my arms, we even have pictures together

      just the two of us for Hushlove in most occasion would stat beside me and one or two pictures as far as i remember were he insisted so much that well have it together

      I usually do not greet him with a kiss but to others I did, and i also hug and embrace them a lot, i dont know why but maybe i have different kind of respect to him thats why im so careful to him, whenever he kiss me to greet or a goodbye kiss usually it ends up kissing me near my ears or in my cheek near to the side of my lips because the way Hushlove is doing thAt is the time i am not aware that his going to kiss me.

      This is already long

      Definetly I will share more of my Hushlove experience

      I just really need to share these things to someone and wait to wear of this feelings for him

      Thank you all

    • profile image

      TenYearsNow 2 years ago

      Hi@out there,

      No new postings? Hope all is well. Love that I can vent and chronicle crush-related stuff here.

      Just hope to maintain my secret one-sided crush while remaining professionally friendly. The anticipation of seeing him, maybe bantering with him, maybe even getting to know him a little better?

      From my limited interactions with him at work, I do know what city he lives in. A friend of mine recently took me on a hike in the mountains of his city. It was amazingly breathtaking, considering his city is not exactly known beyond its blight-y gloom.

      So the other day I approached him -- a totally personal interaction -- and mentioned my hike. After insulting his city a bit, I praised the, who knew? awesome views. He said he often walks on that trail, that he lives near the mountain and that there is absolutely no one out there at night. I responded yeah, I wouldn't walk there alone at night, beautiful as it is.

      There was no eye-lock, but it was so wonderful to look into his eyes for even briefly...

      These infrequent 2-3 minute interactions give me such joy, and really make my day. Hoping for more!

    • profile image

      TenYearsNow 2 years ago

      hello @all,

      just checking in. felt compelled to write since i have been on my soapbox preaching (to myself mostly) that i am moving on. and i have, really, i have as i am not hopelessly crushing on my guy as before, but...

      so i see him only briefly a couple times a week, and last week, as i was approaching work, i saw him working with another staffer cleaning a work area, and he saw me walking toward them. he looks up while he's working and says my name. "Tenny, right? Tenny." ("Tenny" for "TenYearsNow"). so i reply while still walking away, "You missed a spot."

      another time, i was walking around in the work area, not realizing he was there and then felt a presence behind me. and then i hear "Good Morming." When i look up, it's him. he's walking away so i say "Good Morning" back as I'm walking the opposite direction. we never actually face each other. but its neat he said GM to me first, even though i didn't see him.

      and then today, as i entered the workplace, i saw him with clients and i guess i was looking at him as i walked in, and then our eyes met. i gave him a quick smile with an eyebrow raise...and he reciprocated! WITH the eyebrow thing too! as i walked away i saw him smiling to himself while getting back to the client.

      then shortly afterwards, i had to discuss a work matter so approached his area. another colleague was waiting to talk to him but too, but to my surprise as i arrived, he said my name aloud. "Tenny....Tenny." So i joked "Hey, you actually remembered my name."

      i asked if I could ask him a quick question, but had gotten a bit flustered (remember, he's freaking handsome). so he turns away from me and toward the awaiting colleague and says, "Too slow. I'll talk to you first." to which I got flustered again, so he laughs and turns back to me to give me his attention.

      i composed myself after that brief exchange and did some work with other people there, then as i left, i felt his presence somewhere behind but couldn't dare to look at him again.

      anyway, i couldn't stop smiling like an idiot afterwards. i know that he is NOT interested in that way with me at all, but the friendliness he's been showing has been so...disarming. part of me is ever hopeful our jokey banter will continue.....

    • profile image

      TenYearsNow 2 years ago

      @missing him:

      yay! so happy for you that you moved on from the toxic situation you were in with your former crush. by all means, please continue with this new crush wholeheartedly, enjoy the endorphin rushes and see what happens.

      as for me, there are no real prospects. there is a way younger guy at another work location that i noticed seems interested in me, but after some awkwardness, i just keep it professional-level friendly.

      as for my original crush that i've tried to move on from, well, i do see him at my regular work location about 1-3 times/a week. it's only for a short duration (maybe 5-20 minutes, where i may or may not interact with him), but i do get secretly happy when i see him from the corner of my eye, or sense that (hopefully) he's looking my way. i relish the moments when we do interact -- esp. when he says good morning to me, or we have brief eye-contact, or on those really lucky days, when we have joke-y banter.

      i know NOTHING will ever happen, but i figure what the HELL, just go with it, enjoy it. it's a one-sided school-girl crush, but now that i have my emotions under control where i don't get all ga-ga, it's been...fun!

      anyway, hope to hear from other posters out there!

      so glad to get an update from you @missing him!

    • profile image

      missing him 2 years ago

      Hey everyone. Its been some time since my last post. I just wanted to share a song that im kinda addicted to.

      I know you by skylar grey.

      A little update about me. I'm currently having a crush on another guy, which i jist knew him through our neighbourhood chat group. He will be staying two floors above my apartment. I kinda like him because i find similarities between us in terms of our taste for home design. Found interesting topics to talk to him everyday. That makes me happy :)

    • profile image

      TenYearsNow 2 years ago

      @missing him & @confused guy:

      good to get follow-ups from you 2...i hope the others who have posted in the past are doing well. it's not easy having your (former/soon-to-be forgotten?) crush still in your life, as we 3 do at work, but similar to @confusedguy, i have been able to slowly move on.

      in fact, i'm hoping to find a new crush someday soon... as awful as this sounds, someone who like in your 2 situations, might possibly reciprocate. someday...

      but @missing him -- hang in there! i know its hard to not pine for him still, but be strong and move on. hoping you find a true boyfriend soon. (you're single, right?) you totally deserve to be happy!

    • profile image

      Confused Guy 2 years ago

      @Missing him - Great to hear from you and I am doing good. Looks like you are doing great too. Its been a long time since I last saw her even though we work in the same office. Its going good and I try to avoid even to think of her.

    • profile image

      missing him 2 years ago

      @tenyearsnow: thanks a lot for sharing your story. That's quite a motivational one, for me. Thanks for all the strength u given here. How do u feel when he is in your car?

      As for my crush, he asked to see me in swimming suit several times (im the one started topic on swimming suit first). And one day i got all frustrated and tell him that i am not comfortable that he called me "babe" and i no longer want to do anything intimate with him. Thus, please dont ask me out using whatever excuses to trap me. He apologised and offline. Ever since, we still go for lunch together in group but he doesnt chat with me individually anymore and he just went offline everyday without saying goodbye to me. Im feeling hurt when he doesnt say goodbye actually. Guess im still having expectations on him and i am yet able to move on completely. I find myself checking on his status on IM every now and then but did not start conversations with him.

      @confusedguy: how are you doing? Havent been visited this page for some time. Although i tried very best to refrain myself from not going back, sometimes my heart just dont mind to back to the past, as long as he is with me. I find myself fighting against myself...

    • profile image

      TenYearsNow 2 years ago

      hello @all,

      it's been a while since i posted, but hope all is well. life has kept me very busy, and from time to time i see my (former) crush at work, but its strictly a professional-kind of friendly.

      hadn't seen him for weeks, so i presumed he was promoted elsewhere or maybe taking a vacation. i kinda heard he might have been sick (not seriously), but haven't had the chance to ask.

      it kills me still a tiny tiny bit when our eyes briefly meet because as the beginning of this hub page says, he's "devastatingly handsome". he even made a sort-of flirty comment the other day, to which i got flustered and he smiled. and then a few days ago, we had a project again together, and he helped (rather gentlemanly) place some heavy materials in my car.

      for a few minutes, we were in close proximity and he was practically IN my car, but since i decided that i was going to forget this crush and go back to "strictly professional" it didn't make my alarm bells go off like it might have months ago when i was at the peak of my crushing on him.

      anyway, just thought i share this to let you know that it IS possible to get over your crush (albeit little by little) and still see him at work on a regular basis without falling to pieces. moving on IS possible.

    • profile image

      Confused Guy 2 years ago

      @missing him - Good luck. Do what you think is the best for you.

    • profile image

      missing him 2 years ago

      @confused guy: my crush still trying his luck to make me giving him benefits again. I keep diverting him to do other thing such as go for a tea instead.

    • profile image

      Messedup 2 years ago

      Interesting blog. I have a crush on a married colleague, very close friend of my friend. The trick is that He share his marriage problems with my friend which she then shares with me. Each time when i am told he is considering a divorce my feelings for him get stronger and stronger. Worse is that we are even becoming close friends to such an extent that he might noticed i love him. On the other hand his close friend is trying to make moves on me which might mess up everything if there is hope for us. My friend tried to hook us up but i want nature to take its place. The bad feeling is that i am hoping he continues with the divorce but there is no guarantee that i will be with him.

    • profile image

      missing him 2 years ago

      @confused guy: glad that things are moving positively for you. Hope everyone here is getting better too.

    • profile image

      Confused Guy 2 years ago

      @missing him - Things at home are getting much better. Thanks for asking.

    • profile image

      missing him 2 years ago

      @confused guy: thanks so much for your words of encouragement. Much appreciated. Best wishes to you too. How is things working out at home for you?

      @tenyearsnow: glad that your feelings for him has slowly fade off. I find that reminding myself of what he sacrificed for his wife but will never do for me help me to move on.

    • profile image

      Confused guy 2 years ago

      @missing him - Careful and just hang in there. Try hard not fall back into the same cycle.

    • profile image

      missing him 2 years ago

      @confused guy: I'm still very much concerned as care about him, but I can't show it out, or let him know about it. I will control myself not to fall back into the same cycle anymore, although at times, I had hard time controlling my urge which I have almost slipped into the cycle again.

    • profile image

      untouchable01 2 years ago

      Can't shake off this man out of my mind. Everytime we see each other, it's a pretty intense (for him and I) feel. I wish I can sleep with him

    • profile image

      Confused Guy 2 years ago

      @missing him - I am ok. You only get hurt when you are concerned / care. Once I don't, then it shouldn't bother me, right?

      Hope you are doing fine (looks like you are ).

    • profile image

      TenYearsNow 2 years ago

      @missing him: I know these things have to come naturally and without premeditation, but I hope you find another romantic interest. So proud of you to tell him what's what in terms of your boundaries. Stay strong!

      I've been much better (getting over my crush). Been busy working on my health and family. I do see him at work for time to time, but it's been many weeks since we actually interacted. (We no longer have an ongoing project, so I interact with his colleagues more, him less).

      Had a quick fast interaction this morning, that he initiated. (Of course, business-stuff). I totally kept my cool but after I walked away, I let myself relive the thrilling eye contact thing for 5 minutes, then forgot about it. Again, whatchagonnado? Gotta move on.

    • profile image

      missing him 2 years ago

      @confused guy: thanks for the wish. How are you doing? Hope you are no longer hurt by her anymore.

    • profile image

      Confused Guy 2 years ago

      @missing him - Great for you. My best wishes to you !!!

    • profile image

      missing him 2 years ago

      @confused guy: i didnt give him bj. Instead i told him that he is no longer my dreamguy. I prefer to keep us as friend, as in, a real friend without benefits. He said now he knew why i've no longer treat him as good as i used to do. I've sucessfully withdraw myself from this mess, i will make sure i dont step into the same mess again.

    • profile image

      missing him 2 years ago

      @confused guy: sometimes it happens. Nornally i would copy before hit post comment just in case if it failed, i still have a backup.

    • profile image

      Confused Guy 2 years ago

      @missing him - Gave him a BJ again?

    • profile image

      missing him 2 years ago

      Had a talk with my crush again. We talked about our feelings in the past and he apologized for he has hurt me.. Im deeply in love with him all over again.... Aahhh kill me please someone..

    • profile image

      missing him 2 years ago

      I asked my crush whether he would like to join me and another girl from my team for lunch (out of courtesy) he rejected coldly. He:s playing hot and cold game and im not interested to play any games with him. If he still appreciate this friendship, i dont mind to be his friend. Else, he could just walk away, i will not force him.

    • profile image

      TenYearsNow 2 years ago

      hi @all,

      been a while, hope all is well. could be cuz life is keeping me busy, but i think i am pretty much over my crush. i haven't interacted with him for over a month, then other day did so, and meh--nothing special or heart-racing.

      @confused guy: happy to hear family and marriage are good, and that you are truly moving on.

      @missing him: i know some days can be hard and lonely, but you are better off without him. be strong cuz you are strong!

      @jadelola: agree that you should keep it professional. if in your interview you MUST talk about him or with him, address him as "Mr. LAST NAME." good luck with the interview! remember that you are strong!

      lastly...friends of mine who know about my "ten year problem" suggest i get a boyfriend. ha! if they only knew! you just can't really plan for these things. but i would be open to finding another crushee someday....missed those europhic, happy-to-just-see-him feelings....ahwellwhatchagonnado

    • profile image

      missing him 2 years ago

      @jadelola: i might pretend i dont know him

    • profile image

      jadelola 2 years ago

      Listen to this...i have a job interview next week at my crush's work. It is a big place so i probably wont run into him. But if i do how do i react? Just say hi and walk off??

    • profile image

      jadelola 2 years ago

      @missing him ...since you asked :) ...i am frustrated at my crush. I guess also hurt and angry. I cant meet our mutual friend for lunch if my crush also wants to eat out. He is acting as if we fought.

      Also, today the friend told me that he spoke to him on thursday to phone me.he said that if he contacts me we will be in touch like before and he can't. The crush told him that there are things he doesnt know that happened...and also that i always throw hints at him . it pisses me off that he blames me for everything. Also, the reason he cut contact is coz of his wife and not coz of what happened. I feel like he doesnt trust himself around me..

      How are you guys?

    • profile image

      Confused Guy 2 years ago

      @missing him - Hope you are doing fine. I am just doing great. I think I lost all the feelings that I had for her. I don't think of her very much these days. I happened to see her this week but no sweet talks. It was and is going to be only professional.

    • profile image

      missing him 2 years ago

      How is everybody doing?

    • profile image

      missing him 2 years ago

      I think im addicted to his touch and i miss it so much... He still trying to ask me out after work sometimes, but everytime when he asked, i will reject his advances. First, he would not admit he wanted to intimate with me. He will make me to be the one who initiated so that he can play i-am-so-innocent-this-is-not-my-fault and it-is-you-who-wanted-it-so-much that kind if attitude. Irresponsible child. That alone, tore my heart into pieces. Second, after intimate moments, he will never bother to hug or kiss me or say anything sweet to me, instead he will just leave, with the excuse, he wanted to fetch his daughter. That again, broke my heart as i felt like being treated as a free whore or sex toys.

    • profile image

      Confused Guy 2 years ago

      @TenYearsNow - I am happy with my marriage and family. There are certain qualities you would fall for and I am no exception. I had a crush on her. Initially she was flirting with me a lot and then I started going behind her a lot. These days, I have stopped thinking or going behind her. I try my best to avoid her. Lets see how much it goes.

    • profile image

      TenYearsNow 2 years ago

      hi @all,

      hny! can't believe january is about to end already.

      @confused guy: i concur with the comments. i understand the urge to want to lash out at her, notwithstanding the evidence you have, but going to hr has the potential to make things really ugly.

      i think you are smart for keeping your distance, keeping it professional. i know that's not easy, as i am trying to do the same. i hardly see him anymore, and when i do, its totally business. it is helping me move on.

      btw, how are things with your marriage and family? in my case, i've been experiencing lots of unhappiness, so my minor crush recently provided a bit of distraction. i guess i'll have to find a new one!

      hang in there. you have tons of support here from kindred souls.

    • profile image

      jadelola 2 years ago

      @confused guy - I am sorry for your pain. I understand that you are devastated and hurt. I think that you should try concentrating on all her negative qualities. Even write them down.

      Hope you think she has plenty and not like me with my crush.

      I understand how you feel but what good would it do to complain to hr? I don't think it will truly make you feel better and you won't be in a better place.

      I think it's healthy to talk to a close friend or even a therapist about your feelings.

    • profile image

      Confused Guy 2 years ago

      @missing him - Nope...but I have solid proofs :)

    • profile image

      missing him 2 years ago

      @confused guy: complaining to hr would required solid evidence. Based ony wilf guess, she did it inside the company with someone from the same company?

    • profile image

      Confused Guy 2 years ago

      @missing him - I am so devastated since she continues to do so even after I hinted her that I know about it. I avoid going to the side of the building that she works. I think I don't care about her any more. She should be happy and lucky that I am not complaining to HR or the supervisor.

      To answer your question, I guess I am not going care about her anymore and try not to talk to her. I am going to avoid as much as I can. The one which bothers me the most is the betrayal and lies. She continued to lie to me for all the true love which I showed sincerely. She is dead to me!!!

    • profile image

      missing him 2 years ago

      @confused guy: do u still need to see her during working hours for work related matters? Understand this is really hard for you to stay a professional relationship despite feeling annoyed with her and everything she said/does will just seems not pleasant to you.

      And here comes a question, would you rather stay as friend with your crush (at least it will maintain a positive image in your heart) or would you rather give it a try which highly likely things turn out to be ugly (the image and friendship tarnish and went down the drain)?

    • profile image

      missing him 2 years ago

      @tenyearsnow: i guess it is better this way - keep things to professional only. I understand it is hard to move on but it is part and parcel when it comes to feelimgs that doesnt work out. And i guess it is a lil easier to move on when things hasnt get too developed.

    • profile image

      missing him 2 years ago

      @tenyearsnow: i guess it is better this way - keep things to professional only. I understand it is hard to move on but it is part and parcel when it comes to feelimgs that doesnt work out. And i guess it is a lil easier to move on when things hasnt get too developed.

    • profile image

      TenYearsNow 2 years ago

      hi @all...

      i've been feeling down overall lately and i suppose part of it is due to the embarrassment and stupidity i experienced with my crush. this is probably a good thing to help me get over it, but my interactions with him have really lessened. i might be in the vicinity of him, but no eye-contact, no small talk.

      the most recent time, it was pure business. if i hadn't said Thank You at the conclusion of my work, he wouldn't have really looked at me. it hurts, but yeah, it was like i was just another client/customer. nothing beyond that.

      i know that is the reality, and i know it is best so i can move on, but some days, it stings harder than it should.....

    • profile image

      Confused Guy 2 years ago

      @Jadelola - Please don't ask me how but I know for sure.

    • profile image

      jadelola 2 years ago

      @confused guy...how did you find out for sure she was having an affair?

    • profile image

      TenYearsNow 2 years ago

      @confused guy:

      i know its difficult, but hang tough! it sucks that she hurt you and that you have to see her everyday at work. do you have to interact with her frequently and is avoidance possible? how does she act towards you? does she even realize she hurt you?

      as we all hear, the thing with affairs is that someone usually gets hurt in the end; likely, it will be her husband (she's married, right?) and possibly the significant other, if any, of her other guy. i'm sorry that you are caught up in it too.

      @jadelola: i know its hard for you too, not being able to see your crush at all. but i also think you are doing everything right -- working on your life. you hang tough too.

      i'm really not that strong, as i have a hard time keeping my shxt together when life keeps slinging lemons at me. good days and bad days, like everyone else. i see my crush infrequently -- at most 2-3 times/week and only about 15 minutes max each time. its not much, its not mutual, but on the occasions i do get to interact with him, it makes me smile.

    • profile image

      Confused Guy 2 years ago

      @TenYearsNow - She is sleeping with someone outside of my office. These days I am feeling angry and do not want to see her face. I think initially she was trying to sleep with me. Since I didn't do it she found someone who would do it with her.

      I am trying my best to not see her face even though we work in the same company.

    • profile image

      jadelola 2 years ago

      Haven't been here for some time. A bit hard to read that people are in contact with their crushes and I admit it's not easy... I know it's selfish...sorry :(

      I really want to contact my crush :((

      @confused guy: just read your post. I am sorry for your pain. I was asked a few times how I would feel if my crush had an affair with someone that wasn't me. I think it's honourable that you never really acted on your feelings like @TenYearsNow said.

      @TenYearsNow- you sound strong and in control. Do you feel that way?

      @missing him - how are you?

    • profile image

      TenYearsNow 2 years ago

      @confused guy:

      I'm sorry for your pain. So she is actually having a full-on affair? Is it with someone from your workplace? You and she work at the same place, right? I might not have all the details, but I thought the two of you had a really solid connection, where the attraction and chemistry was mutual, but you were both very honorable and never really acted on it.

      Did you ever have that talk with her, where you were going to ask her how she truly felt about you? Again, I'm sorry you are hurting and angry but you know you can always vent here! We are here for you.