Skip to main content

Can You Fall in Love With Someone You've Never Met?

  • Author:
  • Updated date:

I am a stay-at-home mom of a 9-year-old daughter. I love writing about life experiences, as well as topics that interest me.

Loving Someone You've Never Met

That's an interesting question; however, the answer to that question is not as apparent or straightforward. I can entirely see how you can fall in love with someone you've never met. If you are friends with someone on the internet and chat with them on messenger programs, for example, you would know what I am talking about. Although, personally, I haven't fallen in love online with anyone, I have felt connected in some ways to people whom I have never met face-to-face.

People generally get attracted to each other based on common ideas, common outlook towards life, common value systems, and similar views on important issues. If you happen to know someone over the Internet, you can sometimes feel connected if your views match theirs. Also, you might like their sense of humor—this does come through no matter what the medium, whether it's speech, chat, or text. So, face-to-face contact isn't as essential in knowing the other person. One can even argue that not having face-to-face contact can have certain advantages. You may not judge the other person for their physical looks per se, but may get in touch with them on a deeper emotional level. Consequently, I would think you could theoretically fall in love with someone you've never met in person.

But, could such a love stand the test of time? Would such a love overcome the potentially high expectations generated by an online or virtual personality? Certain personality traits may not be visible or apparent in the online domain. Would such a love, then, be able to come to terms with the reality of physical imperfections or deficiencies? These are important questions to consider when one falls in love over the Internet, via the phone, or any other medium where the two lovers can't meet face to face.


Loving Someone You Haven't Met—Living a Fantasy?

Physical Attraction When Meeting Face-to-Face

Assuming that a couple has met over the Internet or over the phone, the more interesting thing that I'd like to know is: what would be their reaction when they do in fact meet in person for the first time. You may like their thoughts/views on various subjects and like the online person you've met, but what if the person turns out to be, well, not as attractive physically when you first meet them. Can you overlook that fact and love them the same way as you did before you met?

Even though most people say (to be politically correct more than anything else) that outward beauty doesn't matter to them, generally most people value beauty in a potential partner. So, while it is possible that you can fall in love with someone you've never met in person, it is not as possible to predict whether you would in fact remain in love with that person once you've met them, especially if that person turns out to be not so attractive (based on your standards of attractiveness).

Also, when you do in fact meet a person face-to-face, you may discover many things about him/her that you hadn't quite anticipated. Perhaps, he/she has some embarrassing habits that you hadn't quite anticipated, or perhaps he/she has some irritating quality that wasn't apparent to you before through his/her online persona. So, while you can fall in love with someone you've never met, whether you stay in love with that person is quite another matter.

Discovering Their True Identity

There is also the potential problem of anonymity and people who mask their true identities online. You may have very good, honest, genuine intentions and want real love, but can you be really sure that the other person with whom you are chatting to or speaking with shares those intentions? For all you know, the other person may be twice the age he/she actually claims to be, he/she may be married and claim to be single, they may be showing you pictures of someone else but may claim that the person in the picture is in fact them. How can you be sure?

The online world is a world of escape for some people, and many just come online to live a world they can't live in the real world. So, they may just log in and claim to be someone who they are not, but you have no way of knowing that. To me, this is the biggest problem that a person who connects with another person online faces.

So, while you may fall in love with someone you've never met physically (and it is quite possible), the more important question that you should be asking is if you truly have fallen in love with a real person (who exists in the real world) or an online mirage that's a figment of someone's imagination—someone who is just in it for the fun of it, maybe just to find someone to get physical with, or someone who is not as serious about finding love as you are?

Flirting on Social Media: Avoid Falling for the Wrong Person

A lot of heartbreak can be avoided if during the initial stages of a potential online relationship you insist on seeing the person you are chatting with on cam, rather than settle for pictures, which may be of anyone and not necessarily of the person who is chatting with you. Also, look out for avoidance behavior, like committing to something that may expose their true identity and then backing out repeatedly. For example, if the person you are chatting to is repeatedly promising to meet up with you or cam and then avoids it, there may be a strong possibility that they have something to hide—something they do not want you to find out about them. Maybe that "something" is that they are not really who they've been projecting to you on chat.


So, hope for the best, but expect the worst to save yourself some heartbreak. Online love does happen and has happened for many, but so have online heartbreaks, and I certainly don't want you to join the ranks of the heartbroken ones.

Have you fallen in love with someone you've never met? If so, I'd like to hear. Feel free to share your experiences by leaving a comment below, as countless others have!

© 2009 Shil1978


Samuel on September 05, 2020:

Read More From Pairedlife

Single ad searching

Marla Amarino on July 19, 2020:

Yes I have fallen in love with someone online. We’ve known each other for two years. We took a 10 month break. I adore him.

Jennifer on June 09, 2020:

That is exactly what am going through now. Am in love with someone I've never physically met. This has been going on for 5months now, all plans to meet up shattered due to the pandemic. Am confused at the moment...

LynMarie on June 02, 2020:

I met "Alex" on a dating site, and we quickly began texting {and more} for 3 and a half months. Never met in person, largely because of Covid. We had kind of a tiff the other night, and I have not heard a word from him. This after every morning and night texts with XO's. Also texted throughout the day. We seemed very close. I miss him, but don't want to be the one to text first, as he kinda said something I perceived to be hurtful the last time. At a crossroad as what to do. I really like him a lot! Any suggestions?

GIE on March 20, 2020:

I want to believe that you can fall in love with the person you haven't met. but there are also lots of what ifs. I'm honestly on the situation right now. it's just only 1 week, yeah I know it's just only days but I wanted to assess things as early as now. He found me from one dating site and I never entertained him for 3 days there but the turning point was when he messaged me on the 3rd time. I just then realized how persistent he was. so the conversation goes on. I don't believe that OL dating will end up good but then he came and now I'm confused. he kept on making poems with me. personally and impromptu written by him. we also talking for like 2-4 hours at night about personal stuffs and we really feel comfortable with each other. it feels like we've known each other for like forever. I really don't know if I should pursue these feelings. I'm afraid. how would I know if his intentions are real?

♡Ahliyah♡ on February 23, 2020:

I'm in a 10 years relationships with a man I've never met in person. He was behind bars until a few months ago. We have talked on video calls and spend hours texting and Chating over the 10years including tonight. He's Caring, Loving and honest, he's the love of my life. We share everything about our lives with each other. We are finally going to meet up and we are both anxious and anticipating the few days we'll be spending together. I will defiantly let you know how it goes.

Ahliyah on February 23, 2020:

10 years of relationship

Anne on January 30, 2020:

Hey so my story is basically I've been talking with someone for 10+years just over the phone, we've been in and out of eachothers lives for that amount of time through the good/bad n ugly you name it from weddings to funerals to break ups to everything we were like boyfriend n girlfriend, we would tell eachother evertthing about our day to day lives, we would call each other every night and be on the phone for hours but we have never met face-to-face. We have spoken about it but its almost like we dont want to ruin our relationship/ friendship by meeting. A few times we've had deep conversations about how we feel towards each other and we have said to each other the 3 words. I need some advice should i just cut all ties with this person or what? Help me please??

favour on January 22, 2020:

yes i have fallen in love with someone i meet online it such a great feeling especially if you both are actually really into each other and you always communicate we dated but have never in person because he was abroad he always sweet he sends money and gifts he cares for me so it really possible to fall in love with someone you have never meet in person before.

jack on January 21, 2020:

I have been in love with two celebrities for awhile now and its making me a wreck. these 2 girls lisa and lena they are the most attractive women ive ever seen and there personalities are just like me and some parts of there personalities are opposites and suite me perfectly. I know likely ill never meet them nor have a relationship with them ever but the thought that its possible and that i would give her the world and do anything for them makes me sad because i probably wont ever do that for them.

Mj on December 18, 2019:

I have fallen in love with a federal prisoner I met online. He is everything I have been looking for. My whole life I've been looking for someone like him and I found him. And I'm never letting him go.

iLikeTheInternet on December 17, 2019:

It happened to me, a few weeks ago I finally met her on camera, it was so awesome. Unfortunately we can't contact each other now but hopefully one day we can talk again. We like to call each other twins because we have so much in common

jo on December 01, 2019:

I had a boyfriend from high school to college and we only talk through calls and texts, I'm not much of a facebook user before ior any kind of social accounts. I wish I was. By college, I know he was a son of a chinese woman and a Filipino man, he suddenly asked me to marry him, we will meet first and then go if I say, yes. But then I was just 17 and I'm studying which he understood. We both cried since his parents wanted him to marry a certain person and we broke up. We've been lovers for almost 4 years. I am now 26, and have a 3 year old son. My son's dad and I didn't walkout at all. I spend my life everyday with a hole in my heart. I need to meet that person but it's kinda hopeless.

Zoey on October 21, 2019:

YES I definitely have fallen in love online. we have video called with each other, we both like each other a lot because of each other’s personality and looks, I LOVED THEM with ALL my heart, my parents didn’t know tho, once my mom found out and saw what we were talking about she FREAKED OUT (our texts were kinda kinky

Nic on October 03, 2019:

I met a guy 18 months ago. It was thru work initially as we talked on the phone for work purposes. We got along so well, we eventually exchange cell numbers. We started to talk everyday and about 6 months ago is when I realised I had caught the feelings. He calls me everyday and we just get along so well, same sense of humour etc. We have sent photos and short video’s but we have never met and never expressed interest to ‘date’. There have been certain flirty comments, but nothing firm. We once talked about meeting but I got scared and said if we meet things will change. I then suggested it later on again and he said he didn’t want to mess up our friendship.

We have never talked about dating, we have expressed we care about each other - it’s just a weird friendship!! I don’t think either of us want to commit and I know from my side, I’m scared if we now meet and we won’t meet each others expectations, I will lose him. I’d rather have what we have now than risk that. I always make the comment that I cannot define our friendship, I know on how we talk to each other than there is a huge connection more than just friends, but neither of us want to date.

Or we are scared too.

Ordinary Gal on September 20, 2019:

I have met a guy online. I find him interesting. We chatted for about a week and share something on WhatsApp. But one day, he asked me if im chatting with other guys. I told him i have friends. At first he says its ok. But the nexy following days, he started to get jealous and asked about why i lied to him and he left me. Telling me i scared him a lot. Now im miserable and feeling like its all my fault. That im the stupidest person on earth. He doesnt want to talk to me anymore and its really making me heartbroken.

Julie Pearl on September 14, 2019:

I am stuck in this dilemma and I don't know who to escape from it. I have recently chatting with a guy from Tinder and we've been constantly chatting for over a week now. He is single but has a 15 year old son and never been married. We instantly clicked because we share a lot common interest and we both enjoyed each others company though its just thru whatsapp. He would constantly update me about his day and even sends pictures of where he is. I never thought that chatting with him would bring me a lot of confusions right now. I maybe became to attached with the idea of being in a relationship with him because I feel the connected with him. But I don't know what went into my mind that I started stalking his facebook. Then I noticed a profile of a woman and saw a lot of pictures of them together. But pictures were dated 2018. I confronted him about it and told me it was his ex-gf. Then after that he didn't reply to my messages at all. And now I feels like I am going thru a heartbreak.

Hawa Diallo on September 07, 2019:

I’m in love with someone but I know I shouldn’t because I will never be with that gentleman.

I need advices

Lovebug on August 22, 2019:

Am I ever going to be able to meet this gentleman whom I have been talking to for 10 months now on line he has been a widow for 6 years and ask me to marry him three different times we talk on the phone and I seen pictures but never seen his face

Feminism Is Everywhere on July 22, 2019:

Feminism is everywhere today which is why many of us men are still single now unfortunately. If only women today were like the good old days.

Stefania on July 19, 2019:

Hello there, I saw your blog online and I find it useful for me. can you please give me a piece of advice with regards to online dating. what are the pros and cons if you fell in love with someone you met online? I hope you can help me with this matter. thank you

Prettypebbles on July 18, 2019:

This is probably a little irrelevant but here it goes, so I meet this guy 6 months ago, in an online dating app, he reached out, I replied, he was honest from the start and said he was in prison and will remain in there for two more years. I didn’t mind since I was talking to other guys and thought he was lonely and needed a friend, friendship was my intention with him. After a few days he seemed like he was really into me and he listened to me and all my problems, (I’m a single mother of 4) so I had many problems, lol. Any how we ended up video chatting and continued to communicate everyday, we have now developed feelings for each other, I will go visit him in a week, we’ll see if the feelings will change. on June 06, 2019:

I discovered he is narcissistic and ended the relationship

Mbali on May 12, 2019:

I met my first boyfriend on Facebook and we dated for 7 years... And now I'm talking to someone on WhatsApp and I'm starting to fall for him

Kit3505 on March 30, 2019:

It can happen and it did. I met my husband online on a rather unconventional website. At first we just chatted occasionally. It gradually increased and we began sharing more and more until we both knew we had fallen for each other. We were in different countries but were able arrange to meet. I could think of nothing more than throwing my arms around him and kissing him for eternity and it was mutual when we first met. Three months later he moved to be with me. We were together 10 years. We adored each other and i would never have believed that such a love exisited. He passed away suddenly last year and i am still trying to rebuild my life.

So yes it can happen and it did.

Quesha on February 26, 2019:

I meet someone online, I feel like we have something in common , interests traits and goals . I miss him all the time.I cannot sleep mostly. Idk what happen to me.I working abroad and lonely all the time. I ddnt love anyone for 7 years. Now he mysteriously came up and say he love me.That's crazy.It drives me crazy all the time.

Kim on January 22, 2019:

I met a guy online, we had an instant connection like I've never had with anyone before. We quickly became best friends, texting, talking, and Facetiming every day. We both felt like we were soul mates and fate had finally brought us together.

After several months of bonding, I felt confident he was my other half, that we were destined to be together, and that we would be spend the rest of our lives together.

Unfortunately, we live 500 miles away from each other, and were both busy caring for kids, working, etc., and something kept going wrong when we made plans to get together. After this happened a few times, it started to seem like he was looking for reasons not to be together, but kept saying he loves me and wants to be together.

We managed to go on like this for over 3 years, texting and talking over Facetime throughout the day pretty much every day. There was a lot of playful flirting and talk about what it will be like when we're together in person, but also lots of other conversation about our childhoods, past relationships, family, work, religion, politics, music, ...

It was an incredible friendship, and if he had said that's all he wanted up front, that would have been fine. But he kept saying he wanted to meet, but wouldn't commit to a time or place, and when we did have tentative plans to meet, there was always a last minute reason he couldn't.

In hindsight, I shouldn't have let it go on so long, and I'm surprised our emotional connection was enough to sustain us that long, because I'm a very touchy- feely person.

As time has gone on, I've been more vocal about my disappointment over not meeting in person, especially when another holiday season comes and goes without us celebrating together.

I expressed my disappointment last week, and didn't hear from him for several days. I thought maybe he just needed some time, so I waited a few days and then sent him a text saying I miss him. He replied that he misses me too, but doesn't want to keep upsetting me by not meeting in person (but hasn't given me a good explanation why he won't even meet me for a weekend).

I'm grateful for the friendship, but baffled at the way it ended up playing out, and beside myself that he just stopped talking to me after all that time, without a "this is the end" or "let's take a break" conversation - just silence after over 3 years of daily conversation and telling me he loved me.

Che on January 04, 2019:

Im 41 and im chatting with a younger guy over a month. Last dec before christmas he asked to see me on cam. After that we are chatting continously.

Jayleen on December 26, 2018:

I like a long relship

qwerty on November 21, 2018:

Thank you for writing this piece! (I wish this site has a 'reply' button, lol).

I've been dating someone online for about a year - We started talking about 1.5 years ago and will liiiikely meet irl for the first time next month. I trust them, I think they're adorable as hell, and I'm looking forward to it for sure. But I'm pretty anxious about it, with all the 'what ifs' in my head and worrying about irl and long term compatibility.

Also in your response to Taboois, you said:

If he doesn’t message, he never was worth your time and effort.

I agree - I just feel it'd be very difficult dealing with the fact that you spent so much emotional energy and time on this person, only to be disappointed or have your heart broken in the end. The healing can take a long time. But I guess taking risks is part of the often chaotic nature of relationships in general.

Taboois on November 20, 2018:

This is what I intend to send him. Does it sound too needy?

Good morning! I hope you are well. I was a little reluctant to send this because I know you are busy and I feel you may be a little disjointed since I left. I sort of feel out of it like you did my last day. I am not sure how to articulate it but I do know I miss our conversations! Anyway, I hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving with your family.

Taboois on November 20, 2018:

Hi! Thank you for your response. He is 34 and told me he wants a lasting relationship like his parents have. We did talk about intimate stuff and share pics often on chat. He even at one time said we should spend Christmas together. When I was leaving after my visit he asked me to visit again. I am just confused but when I think back to when we first met I always initiated the conversation. I went on a trip for several days and didn’t talk with him while I was gone. When I returned I texted to see how he was. He responded “I was hoping I would hear from you!” That leads me to think he waits for me to text first. I am going to text him a wish for the holiday tomorrow. If I don’t hear back I intend to value myself and move on. It really sucks because I thought we had so much potential to grow and maybe begin a relationship.

Taboois on November 20, 2018:

Thank you! He is 34 and we connect on so many levels. We did talk about intimate stuff and did share pictures often. He even said we should spend Christmas together. Before I left him he asked me to visit again. It is just so confusing but when I think back to when we first met we texted off and on but I always initiated the conversation. I went away for a few days shortly after we met and didn’t text. When I returned I texted him to see how he was. He responded “I was hoping I would hear from you.” I am going to send him a Hapoy Thanksgiving message tomorrow. If I don’t hear back from him I intend to value myself and move on. I appreciate your insight and advice.

Shil1978 (author) on November 19, 2018:

Hi Taboois,

Thank you for taking the time to share your story in such detail. I appreciate it. I don't know if I can help you much on this, but here goes.

How young is he? Maybe he just isn't mature enough to handle this. It is certainly confusing as to why he wouldn't want to be close to you. Did you guys talk about intimate things on chat? Did you share pictures of each other? I am not sure if he viewed this relationship as purely platonic.

Maybe you don't know the answers to some of this yourself, so I would come to the questions you asked in the end. The right thing to do is to give him space. Since he is not responding to your texts, it is pointless texting him. You don't want him to be forced into replying to you, do you? So just let him be. One-sided affection is not going to take you anywhere.

He needs to feel the same for you, and if he doesn't, there is nothing you can do. By not texting him, don't worry about any feelings that he may think you have forgotten. I think he knows by all that you texted to him before this that your feelings for him are strong.

Whether he has a girlfriend or not, I do not know, but all that should concern you now is the way forward, and the way forward is to take control of your life alone. Do your stuff. Get involved in something that takes your mind away from him. Get busy with that. As far as this relationship, if it has a future, it will reveal itself before you. If he has strong enough feelings (as you had for him), then he would come back on his own.

We can only control stuff that we have control over. We can't control someone else's emotions or make them love us by force. So just let him be and let him miss you. If he does miss you, he'd message you sooner or later. If he doesn’t message, he never was worth your time and effort.

Taboois on November 19, 2018:

I need advice. I met a guy on Bumble. He is several years younger than me but we connected on so many levels. He lives in a different state but our communication was daily for over a month. He recently asked me to visit him offering his place to stay. I am a cautious person but I did a background check and I had 100% confidence he was genuine. I went to visit last weekend and our first night was great. He was chatty but I thought it was nerves. We went to dinner and he shared personal things about his past relationship. He was opening up a lot. That evening we had a glass of wine and I leaned in to kiss him. He pecked me and pulled away. It was clear he didn’t want to kiss. He told me that evening that he had to go to work in the morning for a few hours to work on a project. I found that odd since he knew I was visiting. The next day he went to work and was gone until noon. He brought back coffee and a breakfast muffin and said he already ate his on the way home. He originally said we would tour the city, but then he said we would just relax and decide what we wanted to do in the evening. He fell asleep with his head on my lap for over two hours, popped up and cleaned his house. We got ready to go out to dinner. He would touch my arm but still never wanted to kiss but we did sleep together the night before. On the way to the restaurant he was texting. It appeared as if he was using the Bumble app but I didn’t know for sure. We sat down and ordered an appetizer. He spoke up and said he needed to call his parents and left the table. He returned and knew I was upset. I flat out asked him if he was chatting on bumble. He said no but the app he was using was yellow and I assumed he went out to speak to his match. I just told him I knew we just met but I didn’t want to be disrespected. Our evening was a bit awkward but he brought up that he didn’t believe things happened for a reason but he knew there was a reason we met. We discussed the age difference and how his parents would view it. We left and went back to his place. He spent most of his evening on Facebook and we watched football. I fell asleep watching tv so we went to bad. He wanted to spoon so we did. He woke me up in the middle of the night by putting his butt against mine. I woke up the next morning and took a shower. He eventually woke up and was looking at his phone. He asked if I was okay. He must have picked up on something. I was dwelling on the Bumble question the night before. We laid in bed and talked a bit. His eyes were watering and I wiped away his tear. He said “See I am sad you are leaving.” He got up to shower. He pulled back and acted almost mad. I am thinking it is because I didn’t make any sexual advances that morning. I asked for a kiss and he quickly pecked. He was taking me to the airport but we ate lunch first. I asked him what was on his mind because he seemed distracted. He said “He was just down because I was leaving, the work week was starting, and he just wasn’t excited about his flag football game that day. He dropped me off at the airport. He held me and kissed me twice softly. We had a long hug and I said I would miss him. He said the same and we kissed again. He said come back and we will visit another city. I texted him when I got home and he didn’t respond that evening but did the next morning. Since my return the texting has stopped and no calls. I have texted a couple times with no response. Last Friday I sent him a text during the day and said I wish we could turn back time and have a repeat. He responded late at night saying “I sure would like to.” I texted him Saturday evening and said “I don’t want to interrupt your evening but I hoped his weekend was fun. No answer and no communication yesterday. Although he was on Facebook off and on all day. We normally wished each other good morning but nothing. He has pulled away. I intend not to text in order to give him space and time to miss me. However I don’t want to lose him giving him the idea I am not interested. I normally initiated texts but he occasionally would. Do you think I am doing the right thing? Do you think I was just a hook up for him? Do you think he could have a girlfriend which could explain no kissing and his work project absence? I just feel so disappointed because he talked about me spending Christmas with him and more.

Yours sincerely on November 09, 2018:

TLDR: Tinder....deep connection....suspense....long distance....been a year...didn't meet yet.

So here's the thing,I met him on tinder,we started talking intensively like nobody could stop us giggling and shying away we didn't want to stop talking,there was a deep connection which I hadn't really felt with anyone.He was just my perfect match,he complemented beautifully.From exploring each other online, I knew he was perfect or atleast people like him.I got an idea what kind of people would I like to go out with. Since we both for a while were in different cities,we decided we will meet when he will be back. Situations took place and I had to move to another city and i did. Meanwhile,being so obsessed with that guy i used to think of him but i knew he is definately not my guy,i mean i just wanted to meet him and bring my curiosity to end,atleast before leaving the city. I knew it was infatuation,obsession,aggression and that happening just on the basis of virtual dating to me was totally absurd. I just wanted to meet him and get finished with so that i can freely move on. Never before had i ever gone so aggressive for anyone,so dominating.Things turned bitter online itself,he wasnt cooperating. Being a very calm,intense,patient person myself i got impatient for i just wanted to meet and get it over with.We used to talk once in a while. And between all of this he got into a relationship too and informed me,i was all okay with that.The girl too was beautiful,traits like me. I wasn't really jealous but happy about him.Honestly,happy about myself that i can now move on and he has detached himself,i dont need to look on him anymore.But shit got serious,they broke up. We started talking again,i had feelings for him,i still do. But i cant just give my emotional energy to anyone i have met online,now its been more than a year and i want to end the chaos of love. He gets very non cooperative at such times,like he wants to avoid it. I know he is never the person,ill have long term but i do have people who love me and i need a confirmation "no" from him so i can invest my energy who love me or whatever. All i want is a meet-up so that i can end my investment of emotional energy. Its been more than a year and i want to meet him,meet him to end because i know he is not the one yet i want to meet him. Every fucking time we both are busy in our cities. i just dont want to think of him as a partner without anything in return.

Yes,you can fall in love online but you can fall out of it too.

Ava on October 30, 2018:

Well I'm not sure if it's really love but I've talked to him a few times trough discord. He seems pretty fun i do know how he looks in real life also hes my cousins friend but the problem is not that it feels like I'm obsessed with him. A lot of times i would want him to text me so that we could talk for a little longer but being a shy person does not help me deal with it at all i just cannot make the first move.

Sorry if i misspelled something English is not my first langue!

vineet pratap singh on October 29, 2018:

The above article is 100% true I was in a love with a girl whom I didn't know, we didn't met but still we were in a relationship for more than 3 years but unfortunately she was not mine...she was disloyal and I was the biggest fool who accepted her second time after knowing that she was not loyal...its over 3 months but I am still in my dreams still in love with that disloyal one....for her I left my job as I was selected in up police as a sub inspector so hate girls hate disloyal peoples

Angel on October 28, 2018:

I've fallen in love with a man in California. He and I had been secretly stalking each other on Facebook and had been friends for two years. One day it just happened that we started being open with one another. He has a live in girlfriend but I knew it going into the situation. We started typing back and forth and then it grew into video chat once or twice a week. It has now blossomed into daily face time. I told him a few weeks ago that he had my heart and his response was I had his too. Last week he confessed he loved me and when I told him I loved him too everything seemed to change. He's become completely engaged in my feelings and asking if I'm ok and we've got a trip planned to meet up face to face in New Orleans. He has business there and I'm going for vacation. I've never fallen in love over the internet and of course preparing myself for the goodbye but, I truly feel he does love me as he needs no prompting to say I love you and he will randomly message me asking me how my day is etc. I live in South Carolina so the distance sucks but I believe he is in love!! I'm excited but terrified!!

Tuyikunde chantal on October 24, 2018:

I am in love with some one I met on dating site,I really feel something when I chat to him,but I fear to express my feeling coz he can think that it is a scammer's strategy,what can I do,we chat for 2months

Kit on October 17, 2018:

Thank you for this, I admire your honesty on your article about loving someone you haven't meet yet...And yes I am one of the many who fell in love with someone I haven't meet yet..But one thing I made sure for this relationship that we are trying to build is that we slowly know each other whatever information she gave to me, pictures etc. I tried my best to validate it through the social media her background the picture she sent if I can find it to her relatives etc... and true enough so far so good. The last time I ask her is how she feels towards me that she doesn't even know me personally, does she have any doubts about me etc...and I honestly and frankly tell her my feelings...I must say yes it is possible to fall in love with someone we haven't meet yet I am madly in love to her and preparing to see her soon in Canada...

Anna on September 25, 2018:

Im really obsessed with one guy that i met on facebook, i fell 4 him cause he used to give me attention, anytime when i video call would find.the problem he nolonger give me attention, hes always online but he dont chat to me , he is always busy.Was planning to visit him in two month to come not evn sure if i can still go because of the way he treat me.This really hurt me cause dont know wat to do anymore .he showed that he is someone i can spend the rest of life with .

Jessica on September 20, 2018:


Well my bestfriend introduced me to her best friend which is a guy on the phone and ive never met him or seen him face to face, so we started talking and talking then after a month he confessed that he likes me and i liked him since then we started dating and never met in real life and i still fell inlove with him but he doesnt talk video call i dont know why and we’ve been dating for 7 month but like breaking up then coming back and still haven’t met each other but he only likes to talk abt sexual things nothing more and i always say no abt talking sexually and he says im overreacting and overdramatic but im still inlove with him i dont know why

Shil1978 (author) on September 16, 2018:


The most probable reason why guys would not want to Skype would be if they have misrepresented themselves to you early on. That being the case, they now feel that Skyping would expose them. Reason why they don't want to get exposed. There can be exceptions to this though, and I have to put it out there.

Some guys may be insecure about their looks, but if they want to pursue the relationship they eventually have to let themselves be seen isn't it? So maybe he lied about his age to you or showed you a photo of someone else early on in the conversation. Maybe he just wants to see you and have a fling online and nothing serious than that and so he is okay with pretending to be someone else or just be content to have an anonymous online identity and chat with you.

Try telling him things such as it doesn't matter how you look, or that it dosn't matter if he misrepresented himself with a picture of someone else, that you'd be okay with whoever he is and you just want to see him and see how that goes.

You won't believe how many guys just get talking to girls online when they are already married or have a girlfriend in the real world. So if you don't want to die wondering make him feel comfortable and get him to confess who he really is and ask him to prove that to you. Once you get him to do that, you would at least know what the real story was.

Most likely, you'd be disappointed knowing the truth but at least you would know it. Once you know the truth, you can decide what you want to do. Likely dump him and move on. If he doesn't tell you the truth, just move on. Because lies can't be the foundation of a relationship.

Shil1978 (author) on September 16, 2018:

@ Richard, don't get ahead of yourself yet. Be friends with her and see how it develops. If she feels as strongly for you, she would reciprocate your love eventually. Don't rush it. Give her the time to decide for herself what her feelings are for you. The distance shouldn't matter at this stage since she hasn't reciprocated your love. Work on the friendship and let it develop.

Shil1978 (author) on September 16, 2018:

Hi Anna,

I am sorry for replying to you late. I feel for you. It seems to me that this guy isn't worth your time. I know this is not what you want to hear, but I have to tell you honestly what I feel about this. Based on all that you have told me, it seems to me that he is into a relationship, maybe he is already married. While you can't be sure about this and neither can I be sure, but it is obvious that he hasn't been truthful to you. If you want to know the truth, you can try asking him before you move on. You can tell him it doesn't matter to you if he's married and so he can go on and tell you the truth about his life and his relationship if he has any. That way maybe he would open up to you and tell you the truth. If he tells you, you would know possibly the reason for his behavior. You can also use it as an excuse to break this relationship.

No matter what he tells you though, I don't think you should pursue him. A bit of jelousy is okay but this guy is jealous even though you guys have never met in person. What do you think would happen if you guys ever had to live together in real? I don't think it would be good for you to have this kind of a jelous guy and a guy who is so emotionally unsure of himself. Do you really want to deal with this ups and downs that you have had with his already? Either way, find out the truth about him first. Nothing can be built up on a foundation of lies. My opinion is you should move on, but if you do decide to give this a chance, do so only after you have made him tell you the total truth about him and his personal life and then decided that his jealous nature is okay for you. I wouldn't be able to handle an over jealous guy. Hope this helps you.

Sostupid on September 08, 2018:

I’m reading all these comments thinking “Is it the SAME guy that’s talking to me?”. Same thing... I asked to Skype and he keeps saying he can’t because he’s in military camp & because of security reasons. now he’s saying he’s gonna move here to the US to live with me & I don’t even know his REAL name. He lied about his name b4 & kept saying that was really his name. He also lied saying he lived in the US in NY but doesn’t. In the beginning I was so happy & I kept thinking about him but now I’m slowly drifting away. In the beginning he was telling me how he wanted to start a serious relationship with me that would lead to something great. We have been talking for a month now. I seriously don’t know what to do? All my friends are saying he’s full of shit & lying to me. Does any of this sound familiar to anyone? I’m wondering if it’s the SAME guy??

hayley on September 06, 2018:

yes, I did long story really so I was lonely and was looking for something to entertain myself and I saw this app called vent in the app store I thought it looked good and I downloaded it. one day I couldn't take it anymore so I called out for help and this guy named skellypengu on the app offered to help me so I took it up with some encouragement from him. so we private texted each other on the app first and we ended up talking to each other for a whole day and the weirdest thing happened it was like we both felt a connection with each other then we decided to talk everyday so then I eventually gave him my messenger account and we both talk on there and yes I am still in love with him this happened not long ago but now his decided he wants to get me over to America because I live in Australia or he wants to come here. I have seen pictures of him and I know his not faking it he is a very honest person. we soon want to video chat each other but because I am only 18 its like am I too young for this but I really thing his the one and by the way his only 16 and we both love each other very much. what do you think?

Anna on August 29, 2018:

Hello,Shil! I am a doctor,40 years old.I was bored so I decided to try an European expensive dating site.After 15 days and lots of emails and messages from all men ,he found me. I didn’t want something serious ,just friends but he got me.He is an engineer,47 years old ,charming ,very intelligent ( the reason why I felt for him).He asked me to be his girlfriend and I accepted We were like soul mates .We had the first fight ,his jealous was terrible,we broke up and get back together.He told me that he was ready and he needed to meet me in my country (Brazil) and I waited.After ,he told me that he was afraid that he wasn’t enough for me.One month ago,a second fight...all about his jealous of me and we broke up again and I went to Rome.I was so next to him ( he

Lives in Vienna)but he didn’t meet me,I was so angry and frustrated!Sometimes ,I think that he lied to me about his “fortune “ and now doesn’t want to tell me the truth.I really don’t care about that and he knows,I wasn’t with him expecting a rich guy,I am independent!If I want him back?I do but with the true.Days ago he was playing difficult and treating me like a “friend”?So I decided to do the No contact rule and now he is sending me messages on the site and I am not answering.I am confuse...I want him but I am very sad about his attitudes about us,my heart is broken now.Do I Try him again or move on?Thanks! P.S: Only in 7 months all this happened!!

Kemer on August 20, 2018:

Yes. Our relationship lasted about 2 years he was always there for me. We never met when I brought up the topic about when should we meet he always dodge the topic. Everytime when I need someone to talked to, he saved me in a lot of ways. It is so hard to just end our relationship but I need to.

Zanele on August 06, 2018:

I am in that situation I met with him on fave book he stay in USS I stay in SA. we chat everyday it's been a yr now he phoned me sometimes now he want to come to SA and am afraid.

Anonymous on August 02, 2018:

Hi. there.

It sure is a useful article.

I will keep my dilemma short and simple.

6 days back, I met a guy on Instagram. He pinged me first and then we started to chat. He seems like a cute, funny, nice guy. He is about 6 or 7 years younger to me. But, he flirts with me frequently which I said I do not appreciate. I am also committed so feelings from side are never going to develop ever. However, he seemed to be a little shaken with the information about my boyfriend.

I like to chat with this guy and can continue being online buddies. But it is him who is not so sure. Plus he does not know what to do!

Please advise!

Kawena on August 02, 2018:

Im met a man on social media and never saw his face, only pictures as he claims not allowed on military camp...hes a widow and im married and we have a 21year difference in ashamed to let this go so far its been looking forward to meeting him in person but not sure if it will happen.

I just want your comments on this if anyone else has gone through the same situation..

Serena on August 02, 2018:

I met this guy on OkCupid and we seem to hit it off. He said that he's originally from San Antonio Texas but it's in his fourth year of medical school and St Louis Missouri. Then he claims that he is a doctor and in the Marine corps special forces and works a civilian job as a physician assistant at an urgent care clinic but he never gives name the name of the clinic he works at. Right now he's deployed right now in Anchorage Alaska. Every time we plan to meet he'll say things like I couldn't find no one to cover for my shift. we're currently planning a wedding but he never gave me an engagement ring. part of me wants to move on with my life and find somebody else but my heart is saying don't give up. What should I do? Move on or hold on?

martin fennell on July 30, 2018:

This is happening to me. Although I wonder if it;s love or infatuation, or maybe neither. But we know what each other looks like, through posting pictures, and vdeo calls.

Anyway, here is some information.

1. we have never met in real life. she lives in a different country, and we chat though messenger.

2. the first of august will be a month since i answered the first email she sent me

3. she had placed an ad in a magzine. i had told her, I'm not working.

I asked her why she didn't accept one of the other guys who might have a job, and provide her with more security. She is a poor person..

She told me, not to be talking nonsense, and she chose me.

4. i told her, that she is beautiful to me. She says she is not;

5. We chat about 4 hours a day. Well, obviously that is not continous. I lie to her, and say i am going

asleep, wheras in actual fact, I want to watch something.

6. When chatting with her, i sometimes wonder what I am going to say next.I am excited for the next chat;

7. She is a caregiver, and i ask about the patient she looks after. I feel a genuine concern for this other


8, I want to spend the rest of my life, with her, and make her happy.

9; i think about her a lot, but still watch stuff, go shopping, etc etc.

10. i go for massages, which she doesn;t like, but says she will trust me.

11. I express regret that i am not with her. She says distance doesn't matter as long as we love each.


12. i push to the back of my mind, my concern that when we get together, it will all just fizzle out.

13. we are both in our 50's. She was in a bad relationship before, Abusive husband That ended 30 years ago. She had another relationship since then, but overall concentrated on her 4 children.

I have never been in a loving relationship, and i told her that.

13. i don't turn on messenger, until i am ready to chat. I told her that today.

14. I guess what made me love her, or become infatuated with her, is basically because her work as a caregiver. working past regular hours, but not getting paid extra for it. Being content with what she has. I see her as saint. But, would i be disappointed to find out she farts a lot in bed, or snores. No.

maybe what i really feel is a loving admiration.

Anonymous on July 29, 2018:

I met a guy on an app called Yubo. It's supposed to be an app where you swipe to find friends, but anyways, I used it mostly for fun, and it has kind of become a dating app instead.

But I met one guy there and he is very sweet and funny. He is cute and tall, he kind of looks like the guy from the Up movie with the square glasses. I've talked to him on the phone a few times.

It's just, I think he likes me more than I like him. I told him to mot fall in love with me before he has met me, yeah idk. And we talk everyday all day and I feel weird talking to him, like I'm hesitating. It's like my body doesn't want to fall in love.

I think that I can't fall in love unless I've met the person. I don't know. I am afraid to be dissapointed so I think that's why I'm weird about it. Cause I think he is great, it's just, I don't want to be dissapointed, so that is why I'm trying not to fall in love.

I just dont know what to do, because I am arfraid that I won't like him in real life and then have to stop what we have and then hurt his feelings. Part of me wants to ghost him right now and never have to deal with it again, but the other part of me wants give it a shot.

cyril on July 27, 2018:

I met this girl on Facebook I have fallen for her and its deep but all the time I have to tell her I became blank and feel lost on my own thoughts its really hard I don't know what to do I love the girl please help

RL on July 27, 2018:

I'm in a ldr & practically it's quite impossible for us to meet in person before 1.5 yrs (as we're young & won't be possible till we pass out frm school)...Can our relationship stand till that first meeting? And if yes then what should we do to make it possible

Shil1978 (author) on July 18, 2018:

Hi Leen, you have not mentioned anything much for me to comment upon what you should do, but you can read through the comments of others here and maybe you would have an idea based on what they've shared and what I have responded before.

leen18 on July 18, 2018:

I met this guy named pascal on a game - and we haven’t met it ...

I am not sure if I should break up with him .... we’ve been dating for almost a month and it’s a long distance relationship...

What should I do

Shil1978 (author) on July 17, 2018:

Hi Anonymous,

I think you should tell him the truth and explain why you showed that other girl's picture. Explain what went on in your head at the time. Maybe he would appreciate you for being truthful about it. What have you got to lose anyway since you are contemplating ending it.

The way things are going you are neither here nor there and you'd keep feeling guilty. You owe him the truth.

Shil1978 (author) on July 17, 2018:

Oh my God, Eric. Thank you so much for taking the time to describe your experience in such detail. I absolutely loved reading it, but at the same time, I am crushed at you talking about not wanting to live.

Come on, Eric, please don't get into that zone. I know how you feel. I have been down that road too, but please don't contemplate ending it. Sometimes we just get so down, we listen to sad love songs, keep thinking of what-ifs and whatnot and end up making ourselves feel worse than it really is. Keep the hope.

I know how heartbreaking it can be to want to be there for that special someone, love them like only you can, wanting to care for that person, but if only life and love were that straightforward. So what does one do? You learn to live with it. I have and I am sure you can too.

Just do the other things you always wanted to do. Maybe travel to places you wished to travel to or even if you didn't wish, get out and see places, meet new people. In short, keep yourself engaged and stimulate your senses. Don't be a hermit.

When you withdraw yourself, all you have is your mind to deal with and that mind would replay you the very things that will make you more depressed. It is a vicious cycle. Don't dwell there.

I hope you listen to me on this, Eric, and live your life. You never know what the future has in store. Maybe you will end up together by some quirk of fate or maybe you'd meet someone equally compelling and interesting. You never know. That's the beauty of life.

Anonymous on July 17, 2018:

10 months ago I was bored, married relationship was not there no spark so one night I went on a free sex chat room and I was messaged immediately by this guy. He gave me his email and we started chatting. I love him very much, we talk on the phone when I know I can without my husband knowing. He is married also but he thinks I'm younger than he is. Like 20 yrs younger when actually I'm the same age as him. I don't know the first time he messaged me I didn't think it would've gone this long and I gave him another girls picture. I wish I had come clean then about who I am and my age but I didn't and I regret that decision today. He's always been there for me and I for him. He knows he will never leave his wife and I, given the chance would leave my husband for him. But it is what it is and now I am feeling guilty and want to end it but I don't want to tell him the truth and hurt him. I just want to end it...but I can't seem to let him go.

Eric Siluk on July 14, 2018:

I met a lady on FB through mutual friends. She lived in Missouri and I in Florida (yuk). It started as friendship, but quickly we realized we were sexually attracted to one another...or as sexually attracted to someone as you could be having never been in the same room with them. Due to our mutual friends and extensive 'real' photos (tagged in ones, not posed for) of one another on our well used FB pages we knew with 100% assurance that neither of us were indeed cat-fishing the other.

We fell deeply in love, spurned on by our similar political, emotional, and ethical views on life, relationships and what it means to be 'in love'.

Neither of us were 'old', but I was 38-ish and she 29. She had 3 children and still lived in the same house with her second husband with whom she'd been separated for well over a year. And I, ever the skeptic, found myself completely believing in her faithfulness and fidelity towards me. However, she seemed less confident.

For reasons still not fully understood to me she was extremely self conscious about her weight. I jumped through hoops to attempt to 'show' her I didn't not only 'not mind' her curvaceous body, but that it was indeed a ;selling feature'.... a 'reason' I was physically attracted to her. But her jealousy grew stronger fueled by her insecurities. She was terrified that I was 'out of her league' in the looks department based on my exes who's pics she saw, and my own pictures/videos.

I am an attractive man, though I am the sort that cringed at writing that just now. Unless I am making a joke, I view myself as nothing to get worked up about. Probably due to the fact that my looks exist in a rare area among humans... I have nice facial features, yet suffered bad acne as a child and have several scars to show for it. These tend to not show up in pictures. So in an attempt to show her we were on a very compatible level in the looks dept. I took as many unattractive pics of myself in the worst lighting possible to ease her fears. It did not.

She once broke up with me for two hours because I clicked 'like' an a FB advert with a skinny, heavily tattooed model in it. It took me two hours to convince her of the truth: I liked the chicks tattoos...I have some myself and hers were awesome. That was it.

Well time went on and we eventually met for a week vacation in FL. To say both of our nerves were rattled is the understatement of my life. I was mortified at the thought I would not live up to her over blown expectations because of my ability to take a nice picture(I look better in pics than 3d-4d).

Well.... our concerns couldn't have been sillier, we instantly loved one another even more at first site. We weren't in the hotel for 20 minutes before I was inside her and passionately kissing her beautiful face and her returning the passion in equal doses.

Our week together was, and remains the best week of my life. Things were well (there were bumps along the way that I'll leave out for brevity's sake) after the trip ended and we went back to our respective time zones. The relationship however, due to mistakes on both our parts, tragically, ended. I tried to get her back for three years. I only had sex twice with other woman in those three years...which is NOT normal for me. I usually engage in frequent sex. I stopped going out, lost interest in my friends, and have since turned into a hermit of sorts who is now contemplating whether life is worth it at all.

She contacts me roughly once every three months to 11 months and we try again to put this special connection back together. But too much has been said it or the other of us will out of the blue get angry at the other for no real reasons.

The fact is when we met I was out of work, she had a promising career. Since the break-up her career has gone expectedly well, and I have found a great job, better than I thought I would ever find honestly.

And now I have a money-making job I could surely not replace were I to quite and move across the country and she would never move her kids to Florida, lessening their chances at great lives/educations/whatnot. And it would rip them away from their father and family and friends during formative years as well.

I write this only to say that one can absolutely fall completely in love with another having never met them. And sometimes that transfers over to when they actually meet as well. I'm 42 now and doubt I will ever find someone to love as I love/like/am best friends with her again. It only happens once or twice to the luckiest of us. Many never experiencing truly appreciating another human for all they are, imperfections become the perfections. I love Kate with every fiber of my being and It seems this world and our own fears (mostly hers....she'd hate I said that and disagree lol) have destroyed any possibility for us to grow old together as true and real best friends who couldn't keep their hands off each other.

I don't think I want to live much longer. I only go through my daily chores in hopes I'll meet another,but I am intelligent enough to know the chances of that are slim now that the bar has been set so high by my chubby little angle who I dream about every day. Her last BF got physically abusive so she ended it.... I can't be there to protect her! My love is in a horrible world and she could end up with any manor of sneaky creep with an ugly personality just waiting to show itself. I'll never get to know her children, who btw seem amazing.

I think I'll give it another year or two, save my money, then use it as a means to fulfill a bucket list before I end this nightmare. She sent a message after a drink or two (she doesn't usually drink, has no tolerance) one night not long ago telling me similar things I've said here.... deep down....real real deep down I know she means it when she says I'm her girl and always will be. I KNOW she loves me. But there's a crappy song out there that put it well enough...."sometimes love just ain't enough".

I hate my life. Except for the year or so together virtually and the week in person with her. Those are the only times I've ever felt 'home'. And hey, maybe it's just me...maybe if she'd have truly felt the same we would be together. All the more reason to bucket list it out while I'm still reasonably handsome and have my health. This life is too short.

rich on June 14, 2018:

i am currently caught in a fantasy with a woman that is extremely beautiful as i met her on a dating website as she is younger like 15 yrs than me. At one point, like 2 weeks ago the dream about her was intense it seemed like a movie. I know we probably will never met as she is in south america. One dream I had was that i was on the beach in miami talking and laughing, then she kissed me and the party got intense. I envision her becoming a model but who knows. What happens next I don't know maybe crash and burn.

Anonymous on June 04, 2018:

We talked together for about 3 years and I can say that I really know him. Ive had his passwords too and we used to talk every single minute. Last months we had the chance to met in person but there always happened something to mess up, so I got tired of that type of "friendship" and said goodbye to him. There is the chance to meet him but idk if this matters, i mean when i think about it online relationships are just loose of time... idk what to do and how to feel but i know that he had really been an important part of my life and although we have never met in person i always felt better when i "was with him".

I trust him but i think its better for both of us to forget each other... i need help

aÿe on May 30, 2018:

we met online we chat for awhile he was damn cool and nice and kinda sweet too he tried to ask me out and i always push him away but he still talks to me after awhile our convo kinda gets boring and hes such a convo killer sometimes as well as me at times too so i decided not reply and he didnt text back and i saw his other social media platform he was always down before all this too and i texted him aft weeks like hey how your doing and from there we talk about 1-2 months and i really like to talk to him but i dont have the confident ? to meet him but he was nice tho like its the little things that we talk about that still makes me think of him and we stopped talking afterward, i just felt like hes replying for the sake of replying so i ended the convo i didnt reply and afterward on his anothet social media platform his still as down as always i dont get it , i asked him before why his always sad, what isit about and he told me he doesnt know why ??? he said sometimes because of others or either himself whatever the case is we’re so close in distance and we have mutual friends and i cant help reading old chat. This is probably the first time i actually experiencing something like this, he actually keep on appearing in my dreams and his post on social media always makes me wonder whether isit me or there is someone else, i believe i will get over it soon ahhahahah :-)

Julie on May 24, 2018:

A guy messaged me online 6 months ago we hit it off instantly chatted for hours on watsapp and eventually on the phone.After 6 weeks he disappeared for two weeks thought that was it was upset then he appeared again i was so happy excepting his rubbish excuse he had been on jury duty

BrookWatson on May 22, 2018:

I was happily getting to know somebody online and we were pretty much in a hurry to meet each other face to face face to face he looked about 10 years older about 6 in shorter and he talk with his mouth full of food several times I was so disappointed cuz we got along famously before we met so I had to send him a text message the next day that said I could not fall in love with somebody shorter than me sorry

Anonymous on May 22, 2018:

I've met this guy online.we fell in love or so he said.he knew how i was scammed out of alot of money.i first though he was part of it cause ive never met him face to face. He continued declaring his love for me . I know he loves me cause he's leaving everything behind in his country to move to my country. One thing is uncertain is the pics he's sending me and he havent gone on video or Skype with me why?

Aaditya on May 20, 2018:

I met a girl on Facebook, we are chatting since one year, I really like her I can see her photo which she uploads she hadn't seen my photo. she is 15,000km far from me .she chat me by saying that she likes my name

Xyz on May 19, 2018:

Hiii.. I met my guy on fb. It has been 10 months of our relationship. Still we haven't met. I love him lot but i cant express my feelings

Shil1978 (author) on May 09, 2018:

Hi 'Philophobiac,' If you can't get him out of your mind, if you miss him when he's not around, if you constantly crave his presence online, if you can't stay angry at him for long, if you think about him when not online, if you re-read your chats online, etc, then maybe you have feelings stronger than just a passing fancy.

You wouldn't know what he feels for you unless you bring up the subject. At some point, maybe you would feel it's better to know what he feels for you than constantly guess.

Yes, things may change once you tell him, but only you can decide whether it's worth it, whether you really do feel as strongly for him, and whether you find it to be love based on what I've stated above.

Shil1978 (author) on May 09, 2018:

Hi 'M,' you can't do anything about the 'spark.' Just like a real relationship, it can become stronger over time or fade. You can't predict it and shouldn't worry too much about it. Take it one day at a time.

Especially, since both of you live in different countries, don't get ahead of yourself. Take it day by day and see how your relationship develops.

How do you know if you really care or it's just an attraction? If it's superficial, you'd have no problems getting over him. If you feel something deeper, you'd feel that emptiness, loneliness, you'd miss him as you would in a real-life relationship.

Ultimately, you would just know how much it means to you, whether it's superficial or something substantial. Just take it one day at a time for now and be cautious too since he's in another country. Just don't do anything impulsive.

Shil1978 (author) on May 09, 2018:

Thank you, Amy, for sharing your story. I'm sure this is an experience many have had. Often times, in our younger years, we aren't as wise as we become later on, especially in matters of the heart. How unfortunate is that?

There is always that one person you just can't get out of your mind. I hope you don't beat yourself too much about it though, as it is in the past now and you can't do much about it.

You can, however, celebrate the memories and yes stalking the FB and following what he's been doing is okay. I do that myself :) Just don't obsess too much over him and keep it healthy. I'm sure you do that, but I just am directing this to other readers of this comment.

Amy on May 09, 2018:

I met this guy when I was 23 online via AOL when the idea of meeting someone online was unheard of or weird! He was on the opposite side of the country and we chatted on the phone and AIM for one year. I fell hard for him and he did as well. Long story short he came to meet me in person 1 year later and my parents gave me a hard time. I married someone else several years later and I still can’t get this guy out of my mind as much as I can try otherwise. I see him in my dreams and I stalk him on FB now under a fake ID. Your soul cannot be lied to, your heart knows more than your mind. I can’t change the things that happen but this post is for anyone out there.. give something a real chance before you may regret it 20 years later and it’s too late. I’m 42 now and I wish I had the courage to have been rebellious and gave this a real chance when he asked me to go move to his state after I had left him and wanted him back. Whether this could have worked out or not I regret not giving it my all. It is better to stand a chance of getting hurt in order to find and keep true love and be happy.

M on May 02, 2018:

I really like this guy, but he lives in a different country. If we do decide to stay together I'll have to wait at least 2 years before I can see him. I'm scared of stories I've heard where the spark just dies. How do I know I care for him or just feel attraction?

Philophobiac on April 27, 2018:

well, I meet a certain person in MMORPG and as time goes by, I think I'm falling inlove with him. we never added each other in FB nor even planned on doing so but we exchanged numbers for game purposes (like when are we going to do raids and stuff) and we do voice chat while doing raids. we always go online together and we always enjoy the game even if it's just the two of us. I don't know what he feels for me and I'm not sure if I'm really in love with him or not. but I can't get him off my head. and I'm really scared to tell him I like him and I'm quite stressed for feeling this way. i don't want to be in love but my head tells me that I am.

my0001 on April 23, 2018:

I'm currently in an erelationship. although we've never met in person; i'm head over heels in love with her.

aika on April 21, 2018:

I've had a crush on a girl i met on twitter for the past two years abd a year ago i actually Did confess to her abd a little while later she told me she liked me too but i am a pussy and i was too afraid of what would happe if i told her i still liked her then so i justvmade some dumb excuse... Now a year later, im deeply in love with her still we're basically best friends now but... I wont ever be able to tell her because she has since moved on and has a crush on a girl she knows irl...any one has any solution for my problem lol

Charles on April 20, 2018:

My story is a long one. And by long I mean about twelve years long. I met a girl online when I was eleven years old on a chat game. Since we were kids and what not we "dated" for a while and she decided to tell her friends about me. One of them was a girl that for some reason I liked more than anyone I have ever met. Me and the other girl "broke up" and I started "dating" her friend. I can't remember when but I don't think a year passed before I told her I was in love with her. Years go past, we get older, relationships form with people you actually see. I had real girlfriends and she had real boyfriends. The problem for me was that nothing ever lasted. I would break up with someone or get dumped, talk to my best friend on the Internet and all these feelings would sprout up reminding me of this amazing woman. If I got drunk I would tell her I was still in love with her which she hated by the way. No one likes a drunk guy. We did stop talking for about a year. She said she couldn't be my friend anymore and it wasn't until afterwards that she told me it was because of her boyfriends. I guess every time we started talking she would break up with them. Getting to the end, she has just finished her degree last year, and I'm currently in my first year. We don't live very far from each other, but we're both cheap and refuse to pay $500 for a back and forth ticket. However, a friend of mine is making a trip to Montreal this summer which is a halfway point, and asked if I wanted to go. I said maybe. I asked the girl online if she would meet me there and she said yes so I told my buddy I was all in. Now the reason I was looking at this article is because I'm scared out of my mind. I knew her for twelve years. I'm now 23 and she is 22. I'm scared because the love I think I feel may turn out to be nothing. I'm afraid that I fell in love with an idea of who she is and I really almost called off the trip. I want to fall in love with this girl and I mean real love. I can look at her picture, snap chat video and what not, but I need to know if she's the one. I know the chances of us working out is slim. I couldn't ask her to uproot her life and come back with me and I'm sure she wouldn't ask me either. But really, just seeing her would be worth it because then I would know. It's better than not knowing if I missed out something real. And hey if she's not the one than maybe I can finally move on and stop sabotaging my relationships.

kenny on March 29, 2018:

I have a girl that lives in el salvador. she likes me enough that she considered marrying me but has since done a 180 and doesn't want a relationship. nothing I do will work. i really do love her....but now I am friend zoned. I would relocate to do salvador and make 3 dollars an hour if I had to to be with her. I love her unconditionally, even if she chooses another man over me. it doesn't matter though. nothing I can do to save the relationship.

spring B on March 25, 2018:

Rockxee I think If man like woman never wanted to lose touch,,but he lost you about 3 months without any news from him I think it's better for you stop thinking,,It sounds funny yes you are right but I changed my opinion about someone you meet on internet if he really loves or at least likes you it's possible to have future with that guy but he has to try to stay in touch every day If you.can send messages for him,send it you need to see what is he respond

I wish the best of luck for you

spring B on March 25, 2018:

I don't know about my feelings,I really thought internet relationship is so funny,It was my first experience he showed me his interest and made love for me at first,,everyday we had video call but when he understood I liked him he was changed and didn't send me messages or showed his interest,,,made me thought it is just playing,,we live different country,,I had a argued a lot because of his behavior sometimes he was kind of weird, but I just know maybe I did wrong things I am interested in this new relationship because it's interesting if you sure your gf or bf likes you anyway I sent him messages for a week but he isn't warm with me or wanted show he likes me at least,,,,I read articles because I've been learning English I chose to read these articles to find out it's my problem or he really has problem and wasn't interested in me enough,,If someone likes you he/she never wants to lose touch I think we can understand but Im sure,,If you aren't in touch everyday you lose your interest too

It was true about me If I like someone,,,,,,,just his kind his interests can make me different when I see his cold feeling as ice I understand it's the best way and don't care he wanted to lose me but If you find someone who can't lose touch and always wanted to stay in touch It's worth the risk even you are far from each other

but If you understand someone doesn't respect you or want to play let him\her go it's my opinion,also I don't have really good days these days and need to have someone who's honest

honestly is really important things if someone wants always to say lies,,I think it's easy to understand who like us who want us,,who can't lose us

I think everybody deserves love,,respect,,kindness,and you have to care about your happiness If someone wants to have us

he really cares about your happiness because he want to have in real life

But I didn't hurt,,I know I really care about my pride

honestly If I just understand he likes me and changed start to show me his interest I will change anyway I have the best luck for him because Its not his fault If he doesn't love/like me

Rockxee on March 25, 2018:

Hi I'm rockxee ,I have fallen in live too deeply in a virtual online relationship .I know it sounds funny but to be honest I took that relationship seriously coz I'm hoping that one day we'll meet each other and continue what we have started via online , sad to say that we ended up after a couple of months..and its almost 3 mos. I'm still here stuck up and still feeling inlove with him ...what should I do to heal my broken pieces. ?

Shine on March 23, 2018:

Heyy i m a girl and at this time i m in love with a person who belong from an another state so far from me... We meet on facebook. He send me friend request an then we became friends after a time period he proposed me first i was say no then i was accept his proposal bcz i was thought he is different to another guys at this time we are in a relationship we love eachother still we don't see and meet eachother because its my first experience that's why i m confused with this thing that it's my real feelings of love to him or it's just an attraction..plz help me?

Shine on March 23, 2018:

Heyy i m a girl and at this time i m in love with a person who belong from an another state so far from me... We meet on facebook. He send me friend request an then we became friends after a time period he proposed me first i was say no then i was accept his proposal bcz i was thought he is different to another guys at this time we are in a relationship we love eachother still we don't see and meet eachother because its my first experience that's why i m confused with this thing that it's my real feelings of love to him or it's just an attraction..plz help me?

Anonymous on March 22, 2018:

I think I've fallen for this guy. We play multiplayer video games together, and it's been really fun getting to know him. He goes to my school and church, but we've never spoken because, 1) he doesn't speak very much English, and 2) he's pretty popular, whereas I am... not. I'm not sure if it'll mess up the relationship we have if I introduce myself in person. I've been trying to get the courage to talk to him, but every chance I get I haven't taken. I'm not scared of seeming odd, but I am scared that he won't be the person I think he is...

Anonymous on March 20, 2018:

Ive met this guy online.we chatted a few times started to talk about more serious thing and i started to have feelings for him.We both fell in love but he proclaims he loves me but sends me pictures of some one else

Every time things happened with him but i get the feeling hes lying to me

Im also not sure if hes using me but hes willing to move from hes country to mine to be with me.again i have not met him in person but he can say the sweetest text and voice chats but still i dont knowif hes using me.i really do love him but

Cherry on March 17, 2018:

I meet a man online for the few days a go and we started serious messaging via on email coz he like we talk there and now while we message everyday and one time he said i have to block my account in dating site coz he like to be serious to each other which is he like me and after 4 days we chatting he said he have to plan to visit me in philipinnes this month and now im so excited i did not know what i feel during the time when i read his message im so happy excited to reply and now he asking me for give him a reason for arrange plan very soon and i did not understand if he is serious

Michelle on March 16, 2018:

I met a man online. Knew him 3 weeks. We messaged each other for hours, then had video chat. We started blowing kisses, then it became intimate. It was the first time for me on video chat (I am over 18). I was so confused by my emotions afterwards. Really desperately wanted to talk with him. He shut me out, didn't respond to messages. Suddenly I turned into this needy person, desperately messaging because I so needed to talk with him. In the end he blocked me. I have been left heartbroken.

QueenRigel on March 15, 2018:

This article is helpful. I need it it so much right now because i think im fallin in love with this person i met online. Never met him personally since we live in different continents and I cant say he is serious. I should stop talking to him right? But i dont want to just disappear.

Linda on March 13, 2018:

Thanks so much for your opinions. It’s so sad that people can prey on women or men’s hearts for there own selfish reasons and feel it’s justified. Then they try to place the guilt on you when you say how you feel. Sick part is that’s not your nature so it hurts terribly.

Shil1978 (author) on March 13, 2018:

Linda, it's never a good sign when a guy doesn't want to video chat or finds excuses to not show himself. To me, the reason most often is that he has misrepresented his age or any details about himself physically.

If you feel it appropriate, you could tell him that it doesn't matter if he has misrepresented himself before. That, you just want him to be honest now, in the present. That, you will overlook what he may have said in the past.

That may get him to confess if that indeed is the reason for his avoidance.

Another reason could be that he is a family man looking at this as a casual flirting thing, rather than anything more substantial. And so when you ask to video chat, he may be like, "How can I reveal myself? I have a family and this may not be good for me." Maybe he's not serious into this at all.

The last thing that comes to mind is that he may be an introvert, the shy sort, who doesn't like to put himself up for judgment. If that's the case, see if reassurance about his looks not mattering helps?

Either way, you got to find closure to this fast. This isn't fair to you at all. Hope you find your answers soon enough. Good luck!

Linda on March 13, 2018:

I met a man on an online dating site about two years ago. We have never met he said a contract took him to South Africa. Always the contract is delayed and he never gets home as promised. He has not taken me for any money, but my doubts and fears are there. When I asked to do a video chat he says his phone and laptop aren’t working. He’s asked me to do some administrative work for him and constantly professes

His love. I’m lost as to what to do. I want to believe him but my trust is slim to nil.

Shil1978 (author) on March 08, 2018:

@Sandy, if a guy doesn't want to show himself on video chat, that most likely is because he misrepresented himself as to who he truly is. Maybe he lied about his age or his looks or who knows, other details too.

Boogie56ace on March 07, 2018:

I'm falling for someone now it's kinda crazy. I've talked to people online before and have had a few relationships in real life from it. But I haven't met this girl yet and she's real not a catfish. We video chatted and we both been through bad relationships as everyone. We are not official or anything but we are talking about moving together already. I don't know I'm not scared of the heartbroken stuff. It sucks but if you want someone or something you try to get it. Sometimes you have to deal with repercussions you don't want. But if it's successful and does work I'll be happy so it's worth the risk. I'd say for people new to the online scene or just trying it no matter the platform beware of scammers and liars. They are out here. Just use your best judgment of people. It's not easy to build a relationship in any form.

Anonymous on March 07, 2018:

I (20) am currently talking to a girl the same age as me that lives in the same state but still quite far. We are very similar and we have both confessed our feelings for each other. We both are extremely honest with each other and have never had a problem accepting each other for our past downfalls. We have video chatted and in three weeks she will be here in town to meet me. I’ve never had such an anxious feeling of anticipating the feeling of inadequacy or the likes of it. She told me she hasn’t had anyone care about her as much as I say I do, and I’m glad to be that person for her. In all honestly, I feel like she may not even come, or something will happen, causing this whole thing to disappear. As each day passes I grow ever more nervous and paranoid about it, as if I can’t accept the reality of the situation. I’m not new to long distance, but this is new.

Pat on March 04, 2018:

I'm dating a guy online for the past few months .I have fallen for this guy and he proclaim he loves me too but he sends me pics of not himself.ive also given him money .on my heart I knows he loves me dearly cause he says he wants to leave everything behind and have a life with sure can I be as I have this uneasy feeling.i now have asked him to go on Skype or video chat but ever since I asked him he's not responding .why?

Shubhi0910 on March 01, 2018:

I've been committed to my partner since 1 year and 3 months. We found each other on instagram which started through a random friend request. There is ABSOLUTELY no trust issues! We can never think of even leaving each other.. And we've never met. I'll be leaving abroad for my studies and I don't know when we're going to meet in real. Sometimes it's so frustrating and I feel to end this relationship up but I cannot. I feel jealous that 1 year has been passed and we've just virtually lived our 1 year of relationship comparing to what other couples do generally! Even if we meet now for few days only.. Our next meeting would be in another year. I don't know how will this relationship even work.

Related Articles