Being in a Relationship With a Shy Girlfriend: How to Make Her Confident and Get Her Out of Her Shell

Updated on December 28, 2016

Most guys don't realize that being in a relationship with a shy girlfriend is a romantic roller coaster ride that is enriching to the heart and soul. From kissing to arguing, from romantic dates to double dates and from compliments that make her feel sexy to insults that can shatter her confidence – this post touches on key relationships aspects while talking about how boyfriends can help their shy girlfriends come out of their shell.

Ease yourself into getting touchy feely by holding her hand at a romantic moment. Give her the time and space to get comfortable with you.
Ease yourself into getting touchy feely by holding her hand at a romantic moment. Give her the time and space to get comfortable with you. | Source

1) Gradually get touchy feely with her

Don't expect a shy girl to get touchy feely on your first few dates. In fact, don't expect her to make the first move at all. You will have to take charge and ease her into being comfortable with you.

A perfect way to start is to hold her hand when you are on a date. Put your hand on her waist while guiding her through doors and put your arm around her when you are sitting in the park. Do these cute little things over and over again until she becomes really comfortable with you.

2) Have long and meaningful conversations with your shy girlfriend

It is a myth that people who are shy don't speak too much. The truth is that they can be awesome conversationalists, but only with people who make them feel comfortable.

Get your shy girlfriend to open up to you by putting in extra effort to have long and meaningful conversations. Talk about her interests and the things she is passionate about. Over time she will feel much more comfortable and shyness will disappear, at least with you.

3) Enjoy your relationship with quiet romantic dates

A shy girl is unlikely to be the type who likes to be taken out to loud venues and parties. Instead, she will love to be taken out to cozy cafe's, quirky restaurants and places that really pique her interests.

Be a romantic boyfriend and understand this side to your shy girlfriend's personality. Your dates don't need to be fancy. Even a takeout which you can enjoy while cuddling on the sofa while watching a movie in your apartment will be way better than taking her to a flashy pub.

Never laugh at her and make fun of her shyness.
Never laugh at her and make fun of her shyness.

4) Never make fun of your girlfriend's shyness: Don't label shyness as her weakness

If your girlfriend is a shy girl, she probably knows it. She doesn't need to be reminded by you or anyone else. Keep this in mind and never pass comments or make fun of her shyness.

Your girlfriend expects you to support her and accept her shyness as a part of her core personality. She will feel humiliated and her self-confidence will drop drastically if you label her shyness as a weakness.

5) Encourage your girlfriend to forget traumatic past relationships

Shyness and lack of confidence can easily be amplified when people carry emotional baggage from past relationships and experiences. Heartbreak and humiliation can have a much wider impact.

Encourage your girlfriend to forget her ex-boyfriend by supporting her every time she talks about her past. Tell her that she made the right decisions and use positive affirmations to help her feel better. Getting rid of baggage from past relationships can have an extremely positive impact on someone's personality.

6) Give your girlfriend compliments to make her feel sexy

Giving compliments is the easiest way to make your shy girlfriend feel sexier from within. Make her feel more attractive by stealing every possible opportunity to tell her how pretty she is.

Over time, your compliments will send your girlfriend's confidence levels soaring through the roof. Your compliments will gradually help shed off any inhibitions she has about her body and appearance in general.

Dance classes are a great way to get her to loosen up.
Dance classes are a great way to get her to loosen up.

7) Take dance classes together

Dancing makes people loosen up and really let go of themselves. It is the perfect way to get a shy girl to be comfortable with her body language, at least while she is in a dance class.

Whether it is Salsa, Tango, Jazz, Waltz or Ballroom, sign up for dance classes together as a couple. Apart from getting rid of many of her inhibitions, dancing together will bring you much closer as a couple.

8) Don't be pushy when it comes to physical intimacy

Shyness outside the bedroom is likely to be amplified inside it. Expect some awkwardness when it comes to physical intimacy and sex. Forget the intimacy, your shy girlfriend will probably feel very conscious about how she looks naked in the first place.

It is very important that you don't get pushy. Slow down and cherish the togetherness of your relationship. Allow physical intimacy to build up gradually after you kiss her for the first time. The longer you wait, the lesser will be the awkwardness.

9) Don't tell a shy girl that she needs to change

Telling a girl that she needs to break out of her shell seems like a logical thing to do but it isn't, especially when she is your girlfriend. You will shatter her confidence to pieces if you directly ask her to tweak her personality.

If you make the mistake of labeling her shyness as something she needs to get rid of, she will feel devastated to know that her boyfriend doesn't really like the person that she is.

Help her get over her shyness by complimenting her heavily when she wears something that really looks pretty.
Help her get over her shyness by complimenting her heavily when she wears something that really looks pretty.

10) Don't control her wardrobe do but tell her when something looks good on her

A girl whose personality is low on confidence and high on shyness will probably stay away from wearing clothes that bring out the oomph factor.

She will feel comfortable carrying off skinny jeans and a summery top. However, a cleavage baring v-neck top paired with skinny jeans and sky high stilettos will definitely be out of her comfort zone. But then again, you wouldn't expect a shy girl to dress like that in the first place.

Help your girlfriend bring out the inner beauty by complimenting her heavily when she wears something that looks nice. For example, suppose you really love it when she wears her skinny leggings. Look into her eyes and tell her exactly why you find her pretty when she wears them.

Your compliments will gradually have an impact on her dressing style. She will feel less conscious wearing the clothes that she once didn't feel quite comfortable wearing.

11) Take her out on a double date with your friends

Help your girlfriend slowly overcome her shyness by introducing her to new people. A nice way to do this is to go on a double date with a couple who are really close friends of yours. Make sure that your friends aren't brash extroverts who will rip into her shyness and make fun of her.

Conversations with someone outside her own friend circle will inadvertently force her to step out of her comfort zone. But since the couple are your friends, she will feel much more comfortable hanging out with them as opposed to being around complete strangers.

12) Build her confidence by letting her take the lead when you are out on dates

Sometimes shyness has to be tackled head on. An easy way to usher your shy girlfriend into meeting new people and having new experiences is to let her take charge of your dates.

Right from picking you up to talking with the waiting staff at the restaurant, let her be in charge. Reflecting on her conversations and interactions will help her overcome the barriers of shyness.

Hold yourself back when you are having an argument with her. Harsh words can have a damaging effect to her fragile confidence.
Hold yourself back when you are having an argument with her. Harsh words can have a damaging effect to her fragile confidence.

13) Watch what you say when you have an argument

Like all other couples, you and your girlfriend are bound to have your fair share of fights and arguments. But you will have to be extra cautious while handling petty little relationship arguments because your words could shatter your girlfriend's already low confidence.

Stop short of using insults that are too harsh and if you think that an argument is going out of control, walk away. Her shyness and fragile confidence could worsen if you say something that is too demeaning.

14) Don't ogle at other girls when she is with you

Regardless of whether he is single, committed or married, it might be impractical on many levels to ask a man to stop looking at other women. However you must remember to avoid letting your eyes wander at least when you are with your girlfriend.

She will probably not point it out to you directly. But she will definitely notice the fact that you stared at another girl. Being shy, this will cause a massive dent in her self-esteem. From traumatizing thoughts about feeling less beautiful to developing insecurities about her own appearance – your silly actions may worsen her shyness and lack of confidence.

15) Don't expect her to become an extrovert

It is unfair for you to expect your shy girlfriend to morph into an extrovert diva. That's like expecting you to go from being just a normal guy to someone who looks, walks and talks like Bradley Cooper.

Everyone has a quirky side to their personalities and shyness may be hers. Accept it and move on. If it was really a deal breaker, you shouldn't have gone beyond the first few dates.

Tell her how happy you feel being in a relationship with her. Make every moment a celebration.
Tell her how happy you feel being in a relationship with her. Make every moment a celebration.

16) Tell her that being her boyfriend makes you feel happy

Nothing more will make your girlfriend feel happier than knowing that her boyfriend feels glad to be in a relationship with her. If you can't find the right words, here are a few examples:

  • I think we really make a nice couple
  • Ever since we began dating everything in my life seems right
  • I'm really glad I asked you out and I feel lucky that you didn't say no for a date

Look into her eyes when you say stuff like this so she realizes that you really mean it. Hearing that she is an awesome girlfriend will make her feel more confident.

17) Never compare her with another girl

Comparing any woman, let alone someone who is shy, to someone else will be the biggest blow to her confidence. Her self-esteem and sense of self-worth will fall faster than you can ever imagine.

Even the most subtle hints of comparisons will make your girlfriend feel inferior to the other woman you are talking about. After all, how would a guy feel if his girlfriend compared his bedroom antics to one of her exes?

Questions & Answers


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      • profile image

        mafolo Tebogo 

        17 months ago

        I have come across and read many articles that talks about relationships, couples and how to deal with problems. This article is the best compared to those I read before. I feel like the problem I have been experiencing present its solution. Well done guys and thanks after all

      • Edward J. Palumbo profile image

        Ed Palumbo 

        4 years ago from Tualatin, OR

        I'm 67, and my wife and I have been married for 31 years. We've raised two children who've grown to adulthood and I've had the time to think, to observe, to understand. I think this is an intelligently written, insightful article and males do well to take it to heart. Well done!


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