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17 Ways to Help Your Shy Girlfriend Become More Confident

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If your shy girlfriend wants to build up her confidence, here's 17 ways you can help.

If your shy girlfriend wants to build up her confidence, here's 17 ways you can help.

How to Make a Shy Girl Comfortable

Most people don't realize that being in a relationship with a shy girlfriend is a romantic roller-coaster ride that is enriching to the heart and soul. From kissing to arguing, from romantic dates to fun double dates, and from compliments that make her feel sexy to insults that can shatter her confidence, this article covers how you can help your shy girlfriend be more confident—and what not to do, too.

1. Take It Slow When It Comes to Physical Touch

Don't expect a shy girl to get touchy-feely on your first few dates. In fact, don't expect her to make the first move at all. You may have to ease her into being comfortable with you.

If she's open to it, a perfect way to start is to hold her hand when you are on a date. Put your hand on her waist while guiding her through doors and put your arm around her when you are sitting in the park. Check in to make sure this is okay. If so, do these cute little things over and over again until she becomes even more comfortable with you.

2. Have Long and Meaningful Conversations With Her

It is a myth that people who are shy don't speak too much. The truth is that they can be awesome conversationalists, but only with people who make them feel comfortable.

Get your shy girlfriend to open up to you by putting in extra effort to have long and meaningful conversations. Talk about her interests and the things she is passionate about. Over time she will feel much more comfortable and shyness will disappear—at least with you.

3. Plan Quiet and Romantic Dates

A shy girl is unlikely to be the type who likes to be taken out to loud venues and parties. Instead, she will love to be taken out to cozy cafes, quirky restaurants and places that really pique her interests.

Be a romantic boyfriend and understand this side to your shy girlfriend's personality. Your dates don't need to be fancy. Even some takeout—which you can enjoy while cuddling on the sofa and watching a movie in your apartment—will be way better than taking her to a flashy pub.

4. Never Make Fun of Her Shyness (And Don't Label This Quality as a Weakness)

If your girlfriend is a shy girl, she probably knows it. She doesn't need to be reminded by you or anyone else. Keep this in mind and never pass judgmental comments or make fun of her shyness.

Your girlfriend will appreciate your support and acceptance. If you judge her and label her shyness as a weakness, though, she could feel humiliated. Her confidence and comfort level with you could drop drastically.

Never laugh at her or make fun of her shyness.

Never laugh at her or make fun of her shyness.

5. Encourage Her to Move Past Traumatic Previous Relationships

Shyness and lack of confidence can easily be amplified when people carry emotional baggage from past relationships and experiences. Heartbreak and humiliation can have a much wider impact.

Encourage your girlfriend to forget her ex-boyfriend by supporting her every time she talks about her past. Tell her that she made the right decisions and use positive affirmations to help her feel better. Getting rid of baggage from past relationships can have an extremely positive impact on someone's personality.

6. Compliment Her and Make Her Feel Sexy

Giving compliments is the easiest way to make your shy girlfriend feel sexier from within. Make her feel more attractive by stealing every possible opportunity to tell her how pretty she is.

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Over time, your compliments could send your girlfriend's confidence levels soaring through the roof. Your compliments will gradually help shed any inhibitions she has about her body and appearance in general.

7. Take Dance Classes Together

Dancing makes people loosen up and really let go of themselves. It is a great way to get a shy girl to be comfortable with her body language (at least while she is in a dance class).

Whether it is salsa, tango, jazz, waltz, or ballroom, sign up for dance classes together as a couple. Apart from freeing her of many of her inhibitions, dancing together will bring you much closer as a couple.

8. Don't Be Pushy When It Comes to Physical Intimacy

Shyness outside the bedroom is likely to be amplified inside it. Expect some awkwardness when it comes to physical intimacy and sex. Sometimes there can be a heightened sense of vulnerability with physical intimacy, and your shy girlfriend may feel self-conscious about how she looks naked in the first place.

It is very important that you don't get pushy. Slow down and cherish the togetherness of your relationship. Allow physical intimacy to build up gradually after you kiss her for the first time. The longer you wait, the lesser the awkwardness.

9. Don't Tell Her That She Needs to Change

Telling a girl that she needs to break out of her shell seems like a logical thing to do, but it isn't—especially when she is your girlfriend. You could shatter her confidence to pieces if you directly ask her to tweak her personality.

If you make the mistake of labeling her shyness as something she needs to get rid of, she will feel devastated to hear that her boyfriend doesn't really like the person that she is. Appreciate and focus on the positive qualities that often bloom in shy people, like empathy, creativity, tenderness, compassion and conscientiousness.

10. Don't Tell Her What to Wear (But Do Compliment Her When You Like Her Outfit)

A girl whose personality is low on confidence and high on shyness might stay away from wearing clothes that bring out the oomph factor.

If she wants to feel more confident and less self-conscious, compliment her heavily when she wears something that looks nice. For example, suppose you really love it when she wears her skinny leggings. Look into her eyes and tell her exactly why you find her pretty when she wears them.

She may begin to feel less self-conscious wearing the clothes that she once didn't feel quite comfortable wearing.

Compliment her heavily when she wears something that really looks pretty.

Compliment her heavily when she wears something that really looks pretty.

11. Take Her Out on a Double Date With Your Friends

Help your girlfriend slowly become more comfortable by introducing her to new people. A nice way to do this is to go on a double date with a couple who are really close friends of yours. Make sure that your friends aren't brash extroverts who will rip into her shyness and make fun of her.

Conversations with someone outside her own friend circle could help her step out of her comfort zone. But since the couple are your friends, she will feel much more comfortable hanging out with them as opposed to being around complete strangers.

12. Let Her Take the Lead

Sometimes people like to tackle their shyness head-on. Your shy girlfriend may want to dive into meeting new people and having new experiences, and if so, you could let her take charge of your dates.

Right from picking you up to talking with the waitstaff at the restaurant, let her be in charge. Reflecting on these interactions by talking with you afterwards could help her work through the challenges of shyness.

13. Watch What You Say When You Have an Argument

Like all other couples, you and your girlfriend are bound to have your fair share of fights and arguments—but you will have to be extra cautious while handling petty little relationship arguments, because your words could shatter your girlfriend's already low confidence.

Stop short of using insults that are too harsh, and if you think that an argument is going out of control, step away to cool down. Practice emotional maturity by respecting her and the relationship; don't say something that is too demeaning.

14. Don't Ogle Other Girls When You're Out Together

Regardless of whether he is single, committed or married, it might be impractical on many levels to ask a man to stop looking at other women. However, you must remember to avoid letting your eyes wander, at least when you are with your girlfriend.

She will probably not point it out to you directly, but she will definitely notice the fact that you stared at another girl, which may add to any struggles with self-esteem. From traumatizing thoughts about feeling less beautiful to developing insecurities about her own appearance—your silly actions may lower her sense of confidence with you.

15. Don't Expect Her to Become an Extrovert

It is unfair for you to expect your shy girlfriend to morph into an extrovert diva. That's like expecting you to go from being just a normal guy to someone who looks, walks and talks like Bradley Cooper.

Everyone has a quirky side to their personalities and shyness may be hers. Accept it and move on. If it was really a dealbreaker, you shouldn't have gone beyond the first few dates.

16. Tell Her That She Makes You Feel Happy

Nothing more will make your girlfriend feel happier than knowing that her boyfriend feels glad to be in a relationship with her. If you can't find the right words, here are a few examples:

  • "I think we really make a nice couple."
  • "Ever since we began dating, everything in my life seems right."
  • "I'm really glad I asked you out, and I feel lucky that you didn't say no for a date."

Look into her eyes when you say stuff like this so she realizes that you really mean it. Hearing that she is an awesome girlfriend will make her feel more confident.

17. Never Compare Her to Another Girl

Comparing any woman—let alone someone who is shy—to someone else could be a big blow to her confidence. If she's been working on building her self-esteem and sense of self-worth, try encourage her rather than compare her to others.

Even the most subtle hints of comparisons could make your girlfriend feel inferior to the other woman you are talking about. Even people who aren't shy could empathize with this. After all, how would a guy feel if his girlfriend compared his performance in the bedroom to her ex's skills?

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