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Attraction-Killing Behaviors: What Men Do That Turns Women Off


To some, attraction is mysterious – more like an art. To others, it is a science – a complex mix of biochemistry and psychology. Taking individual differences into account, there is no law of attraction for men to follow. However, if you want to make yourself more attractive to women, there are certain attraction killing behaviors that you should definitely avoid.

Depending on the woman to lead all the time

Yes, we are living in the modern era, but women do not want a dedicated follower. Taking the lead does not mean being pushy, arrogant or self-important. Instead, it suggests that you exercise your personal authority and influence. For example, instead of asking a woman what she wants to do on a date, have a few suggestions at hand (note – suggestions). Women enjoy knowing what or how you’re thinking; denying them that opportunity is a sure turnoff.

Putting a woman on a pedestal

Women appreciate being treated like a princess, but putting them on a pedestal when you’re interacting with them makes them feel uncomfortable. Particularly if a woman senses that it is only because of her outward appearance, she is likely to be switched off. A woman wants to be treated as a human being above all, so avoid overdoing compliments, gushing like a schoolboy, and treating her like a delicate goddess. That’s a step towards creating a deeper personal connection, which builds on initial attraction.

Being rude/disrespectful to women

Some clever guys out there hear that women don’t go for the nice guys. So, they try to be rude or disrespectful instead. Sure, that might work on one, two or a few women, but it usually wouldn’t. Women just do not want a guy who is limp and spineless. However, that does not mean exhibiting primitive social behaviors towards them.

Being too available

Being too available suggests that your life is not very interesting and that it is going to revolve around the woman. In other words, it suggests a desperate, clingy or needy man. Is that even remotely attractive? I don’t think so. Don’t agree to tentative arrangements – your time should be more valuable than that. You should not have to pretend that you’re busy when you’re not either – that’s lame. Getting involved in other things besides work is a sure way to make your life more engaging to you and your potential partners.

Being possessive or jealous

A little jealousy might seem cute, but that can easily go wrong. The threshold for tolerance of possessive behavior or jealousy is really small. It signals insecurity and can be downright scary. It’s natural to be a bit jealous from time to time, but avoid letting that spill over into unattractive, stifling behavior.

Trying to impress

If you really want to impress a woman, the best thing to do is avoid trying to impress. Trying to impress usually requires some insincerity or even distortions of the truth anyway. A man trying to impress comes across as a seller of rotten eggs trying to convince buyers that his stuff is guaranteed fresh. It’s not just about being who you are, but also about being confident about who you are. Just be cool and don’t be discouraged if it does not always work. By being confident about who you are, you’ve already set yourself apart from other guys.

Attraction-killing behaviors are the polar opposite of attraction-creating behaviors. Before you can focus on good habits that make you more attractive, it is more important to eliminate the bad ones, which have an opposite effect.


Mary from Washington on April 02, 2012:

Being too available is definitely a killer. it reeks of being desperate. I am a very independent woman so I like my space. That is not to say that I don't also like together time but I really, really need space. I feel smothered easily.

Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on October 05, 2011:

Spiffy, GREAT read. WONDERFUL advice for ALL men. Wonderful insight as well. Loved the lay-out too. Voted up, useful, funny, awesome, beautiful and interesting. I am a fan and a humble (but assertive--like you suggested) follower. Sincerely, Kenneth Avery, from a rural town in northwest Alabama, Hamilton, that resembles Mayberry, where Andy and Barney worked.

Nelly A. on August 01, 2011:

'Being rude" is the most upsetting one. Great hub! Up.

Linda Bilyeu from Orlando, FL on July 25, 2011:

I was hoping there was going to be a men vs women hub also. Again, very informative. Voted UP and sending it to Twitterville! :)

SpiffyD (author) from The Caribbean on July 17, 2011:

Thanks Matty and Jeannie. Indeed, there's a fine line between committing to a person and just wanting to do everything with them everywhere. Someone who's too available is as attractive as a mosquito (my apologies to all attractive mosquitoes out there). Thanks for the comments again!

Jeannie Marie from Baltimore, MD on July 14, 2011:

This is very helpful to all the men out there. I enjoyed reading this and I hope this helps some guys.

Matt Stupar from Toronto, Canada on July 14, 2011:

Never thought about "being too available" as a turn off, but it has a certain logic to it. Obviously, it is going to depend (in some part) on the individual, but being needy is rarely attractive.:)

Nicely summed up Spiffy

rachelsholiday on July 13, 2011:

Definitely love this hub, voted up :). I would say that the biggest turn on (meaning, I would want to pursue a relationship with that person) for me is for the man to act like my equal. We're equal partners in the relationship. Rather than one person leading the other we're going side by side to figure it out together.

Luckily for me, my husband is has exactly those qualities. And when he can see it's important to me he lets me lead, lol.

SpiffyD (author) from The Caribbean on July 13, 2011:

Thanks for the comment Dr. Ope. I hope that that it reaches the intended audience as well.

Olive Ellis on July 10, 2011:

SpiffyD, love this article! So many men do not realize that these behaviors are why women send them 'packing'. I am so turned off by a disrespectful, spineless and jealous man.I hope that this article reaches the intended audience. Totally awesome!

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