My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.
Having a guy work hard to try and impress you might appear sweet and romantic at the time, but how endearing is it when he suddenly stops without any indication of why?
There is a big difference between having a guy go out of his way to impress you—for his own personal goal—versus putting the effort into you and the relationship because he honestly cares and wants to be in a lasting commitment with you.
When a man works hard just to impress a woman he will go above and beyond to obtain her, but not necessarily to keep her. Great. And, since he has a motive behind his actions, once he gets what he wants (or perhaps doesn't—for the short term), trying to continue to impress her will be like a chore for him. Wonderful.
Don't get me wrong, it's completely natural for a man to want to impress a woman he is attracted to. Wooing her is part of the dating ritual. However, if impressing you is only for a personal goal he has, his efforts will fade as soon as he has accomplished this ego-made mission.
I dated a guy who pulled out all the wooing cards to get my attention...
When I first met him I was out having a girl’s night with several of my close friends, however that did not stop him. This guy was polite and respectful—not hovering too much, but just enough to intrigue my attention. After talking to him for a while he decided to pull out the chivalrous card by purchasing two bottles of Dom Pérignon for me and my friends. Although his gesture might appear impressive, I questioned if he was "showing off" or was honestly a gentleman showing his generosity? I decided that I would get to know him better before I made a true assessment.
By the end of the night (and several in-depth conversations), he asked me on a date. The effort he had made throughout the evening—and the fact that I was physically attracted to him—made it easy to say yes.
This guy not only called me when he said he would, he also planned our date from start to finish. He even amped up his romanticism by having a beautiful bouquet delivered to my condo. He was unquestionably trying to impress me—and I have to admit it was working, but would it last?
Ladies, most of us have come across a guy like this who will go out of his way to stand out and shine among other men. He might even go as far as to perform an actual song and dance to try to impress you. Although this might sound wonderful, when a guy genuinely cares for you and loves you, all his efforts are focused on the hopeful end result of keeping you as his happily-ever-after—not just for a personal short term goal.
Here's the thing, if his efforts are just to impress you, that usually means he has a set goal—sex, dating you or perhaps being exclusive with you. Don't get overly excited. Once he has reached his goal, he will no longer feel motivated to try to maintain what he started. Basically, the big efforts he was making will subside and eventually stop the second he has gotten what he wants. Yikes!
Men who are focused on impressing you—for the sake of reaching a personal goal—are usually competitive in nature; thrill seekers or race junkies. Therefore, if you are someone he has had his eye on—the bigger his gestures will be to win you. Also, if obtaining you is more challenging for him; he will work even harder to impress you.
Working hard to impressing you is his way of making you believe he is different from any man you have dated. Regrettably, many times he is not. This will be reviled the second he has obtained his prize (you) and then purposely throws in the towel instead of working to keep you (and possibly the relationship).
If all of a guy's efforts are strictly motivated because he is trying to impress you, his impressing "efforts" will fade rather quickly...
My first date was perfect, too perfect. He picked me up (of course after I had done a long google search—a girl must keep herself safe), opened the car door for me as well as every door I approached. He even looked sexier than I had remembered. Conversations between us were as smooth as a playful game of tennis—and his mannerisms were on point. He even asked me for a second date before we departed—of courses walking me to my door and leaving me (wanting more) with a kiss on the cheek. Hmm...This guy obviously read all the right play books.
Why as women do we get so mesmerized like we are under a love sick spell the second we meet a guy who does all the right things (in the beginning) to impress us? Let's keep it real, he is supposed to try and impress us. However, if his intentions for why he is wooing aren't genuine, (again) his actions will reflect this.
Well, this guy kept up his impressive charade for many weeks...until we slept together—surprise, surprise. Was I shocked that once he got what he wanted his enthusiasm in me completely faded, not really. Was I disappointed that I blindly fell for his pillow talk—of course!
Often, the motivation behind a man impressing us is sex. Most men are driven by sex. The thought of sex, the hope of sex, the urge to have sex—causing them to do whatever it takes to reach that goal. Wonderful. Unfortunately (for you), it's not always that simple. There are other men who will have a different agenda.
Some men, their goal is a little higher, therefor causing greater hurt and potential heartache...
I was in a relationship with another guy who blatantly admitted—after we broke up—that the effort he put in was only to impress me. Seriously!? And his goal: to get into a monogamous relationship with me. Well, his plan worked. Once he reached his goal, he didn't feel the need to try anymore. This insufficient effort he started to display was an emotional turn-off for me.
What so many men fail to realize—when they put in all this effort "just to impress us,"—and then stop—we will end up feeling rejected and unappreciated, especially if we are in an exclusive relationship with him.
- We will believe you never cared.
- We will view this as a Big Red Flag that you didn't actually want a future with us—regardless of what you might be telling us—actions speak louder than words.
- We end up feeling like you are taking us for granted and that you were never serious about building a strong foundation with us.
- You are inadvertently letting us know that you are lazy, selfish and lack true motivation to do what it takes to be in a successful lasting relationship.
Unfortunately, when a man is driven solely on winning the prize he has set forth, often times without knowing it, he will lose interest rather quickly once he has accomplished his goal. Or, he will convince himself that all the overzealous efforts he made in the beginning should be enough to sustain the rest of the time you are with him. Really?!
My ex’s hard work to impresses me resulted in us being in a relationship. However, shortly after we became exclusive his efforts lessened immensely. It's like he had finally won the lottery and no longer felt the need to play. He basically became a couch potato in our relationship. Wonderful.
He stopped trying to impress me with looking nice when he saw me. He knew I loved when he would rock a goatee, but would purposely shave because he didn't care what attracted me to him anymore. Making an effort to do anything romantic became a huge chore for him. He didn't see the reasoning to try anymore since he accomplished his goal. I went from dating an "A" (gold metal) to ending with a "D" minus (costume metal). Yikes! Since this was not what I signed up for there was no reason to stay.
Ladies, it's important that he can maintain what he started versus impressing you until he gets what he wants. Realize that a man who envisions a future with you will not only keep impressing you, but will also work hard to build a successful, meaningful, lasting and loving relationship together. The thrill to be with you won't be only until he crosses the finish line. Instead, he will train hard (working on himself and the relationship) to always be number one in your life.
John on May 04, 2019:
I agree that men trying to impress women is a bad idea and a waste of time. Guys - there is no benefit to having a woman in your life. Relationships are all cost and no benefit. Don't look at them, approach them, talk to them, date them, have sex with them, and for heaven's sake don't marry them.
femi from Nigeria on April 11, 2017:
When a man meets a lady the first time he tries his best to impress. With time and familiarity things slowly change. Sometimes the motive is sex and after the show moves on. Once a man gets emotionally attached then he tries harder to sustain the relationship that's generally how things work