Are You in a Texting Relationship?

Updated on June 14, 2019
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I love writing about relationships and helping my readers navigate all their ups and downs.

Are you in a texting relationship?
Are you in a texting relationship? | Source

"All We Do Is Text."

Welcome to the world of the text message relationship, a relatively new phenomenon. Legions of people across the world are now involved with a significant other this way, especially people under the age of 35.

Texting relationships are comprised of ongoing communication with someone you're interested in or someone you are supposedly going out with, but all you do is text message each other. There is no dating, and many times there aren't even phone calls involved.

Why Texting Relationships Are a Bad Idea

You are being kept at arm's length for a reason. Here are some of them.

  • You are low on the texter's list of potential partners. He or she might be communicating with you to keep you open as a dating option, but is not likely serious about you. You want to be at the top of someone list!

  • Your texter isn't the dating type. They aren't into movies, concerts, walks in the park, dining out, or even getting a hot dog from a concession stand. This person probably can't be taken away from their video games or reality TV shows long enough to consider having a real relationship.

  • Your texter is a player. He or she just wants to sext you, and only considers you as a means to an end. They might be doing this with a number of people. The only possibility you have with this person is as a booty call.

  • Your texter is not ready for a real relationship. He or she might have been hurt badly in their last relationship and possibly use texting as a way to not feel lonely, but not get close enough to have a real relationship.

Text message relationships
Text message relationships | Source

Texting Relationships Cheat You Out of Real Relationships

Yes, we live in a world where people want instant gratification without any effort, and that is what is unfair to you about it. Romantic relationships involve making efforts—efforts to show you really want this person in your life. They take calling, and much more than that—in-person, eye-to-eye conversations, dates, sitting under the stars— all the treats that make you feel wanted and loved.

And if all someone can do is muster up typing to you, and avoiding you in almost every other way, then they are the wrong person for you. Period. You don't need a serial texter in the place of a real boyfriend/girlfriend.

How to Figure Out If All They Want Is a Text Message Relationship

If you feel it isn't quite obvious what your texter's intentions are, try:

  • Walking up to them at school or work and striking up a small conversation. If he or she is averting your gaze, looking at their watch, or in other directions, like they can't wait to get away from you, that is all you need to know.

  • Calling them during one of your texting sessions. If they don't answer, it's obvious. If they do answer, say something like, "I just wanted to break the ice, and say hello for real, so we can get past the texting," or "All we do is text. Maybe we can just relax in person and get to know one another." They are likely to say anything at this time—that they are cool with it, that they'd like that, etc.

    But pay attention to what happens in the following days. Do they stop texting you? It's likely that they weren't comfortable with going to the next level. If they still text, do they still try to avoid talking on the phone? Again, this is a sign that they are unwilling to move forward into a real relationship with you. Drop them like a hot potato if they won't take it to the next level with you.

"All we do is text."
"All we do is text." | Source

You Should Only Settle for a Texting Relationship If You Have Extenuating Circumstances:

  • You have a long-distance relationship. Texting is the only way you can really feel close to this person at a moment's notice.

  • You have different work/school schedules. This makes it very difficult for you to get together or even talk on the phone.

  • You're forbidden from seeing the other person. In this case, you probably shouldn't be communicating with them anyway.

Texting Poll

Do you communicate with your love interest mainly by text message?

See results

When two people really like each other, they can't help but want to be with one another. Don't settle for anything less than the full deal.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

  • Can a relationship become truly serious over just texting when we live miles apart?

    I think that you can have companionship with texting, but not a romantic relationship. This is because there are so many facets to communication and romance that I don't feel texting can cover all of them. That said, I think you can develop a relationship starting from text and it can blossom when you meet and spend time with each other.

  • My ex reached out to me after 3 months of no contact. He said he's sorry, wants to see me, and that he misses me. However, it’s now been 2 months and he hasn’t gone through with meeting me. He planned it once and he cancelled due to working late and stress. What should I do here? Have a plan like 3 strikes and he's out?

    I would not get too involved in reconnecting romantically with him unless he is showing follow-through with his stated intentions. It could be work, but it could be other things too. You could leave the line open, just stating to him you'd just like to reconnect as friends for now. That way the pressure if off, but something could still happen romantically between you two in the future. You could date other people in the meantime so that he knows you are not waiting around for him.

  • We text only and he won't come to the store I work at to say hi, why?

    It would seem he is not interested romantically if he doesn't want to see you in person.

  • We are in a long distance relationship and all she wants to do in the age of video calls is text. I have confronted her but she keeps giving excuses and becomes somewhat distant when I get pushy about it. We have had a video called before, but it's been weeks and over 90% of communication is text. Is this a red flag? What could really be going on here?

    She could be hiding something. Sometimes when people are uncomfortable about their appearance they do this. Another thing might be that she is not as serious about the relationship as you are. She might also need a lot of time to do her makeup and hair to feel presentable on camera, and that is time she might not want to spend this way.

  • What do I do if I am communicating with someone through text, but both of us do not want to/are not allowed to meet in person for some years?

    Everyone likes a pen pal/texting pal. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to meet as long as it does not hold either of you back from leading healthy, full lives.

© 2013 Hearts and Lattes


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