To all the women out there who think that they are not good enough, this one is for you. I know that there are times when you question your worth, your great qualities, your beauty, and your standards. You have a lot of insecurities because you keep comparing yourself to other women. You are afraid to be yourself because you are afraid of being judged by others.
I've been in your situation before. When my ex-boyfriend chose his ex-girlfriend over me, I was comparing myself to her and I was asking myself where I fell short. I was telling myself that no one would want to be with me because I'm not pretty enough and I was not able to keep a man. I lost my self-esteem and confidence. I sold myself short and accepted the kind of love that I don't deserve.
Even when I was a kid, people used to compare me to my sister. To them, she's always the prettier, more intelligent, more confident and basically, the better one. I was always in her shadow and people would know me as her sister and not by being myself. I was looking for validation from people around me and constantly seeking attention from anyone. I used to fall easily for someone who gave me the least bit of attention. I got used to guys talking to me to ask about my sister. I was the reserved, ugly, less intelligent and unpopular one. I became comfortable with being in the background and hid my skills, intelligence, and potential so I wouldn't dull my sister's shine.
Eventually, I got tired of people looking down on me, telling me that my sister's better than me or prettier than me. I started to look after myself, studied hard and embraced my strengths and flaws. People started to see me differently. I took everything that happened as a challenge to become better. I competed with my sister which helped me to discover what I am capable of and that I am a strong person. I enjoyed being popular, pretty, and an achiever. I became competitive and I got used to getting everything that I wanted.
I thought that being competitive would help me get what I wanted in life and in love. When my ex-boyfriend left me for someone else, I stopped being competitive by not chasing him and respecting his decision. I stopped comparing myself to the woman he chose and told myself that there's nothing wrong with me. I started to accept that I will not always get what I want and I don't have to compete with someone to get it. I stopped criticizing myself for not being pretty enough, for not being loving enough and for not being strong enough. I accepted what happened, looked at my mistakes as lessons that I have to learn and embraced my individuality. I spent time with people who enjoyed my company and made me feel loved again. I did not let my painful experience make me a bad person and seek revenge. Instead, it made me an even more compassionate person. I stopped blaming myself for not keeping him but accepted the fact that some things are not meant to be.
I keep on checking myself, discovering my potential, and loving my imperfections for they are what make me unique. A broken heart is what made me a writer. I put my tears and pain in writing and through this, I found what I'm passionate about.
To all the women who are being hard on themselves, may this experience of mine shed light on your clouded hearts and minds. Don't be afraid to be who you are. We are all beautiful in our unique ways. We all deserve men who could see that beauty beyond skin deep. Embrace your flaws and never let anyone tell you that you are not good enough. True beauty is not about being beautiful physically but being kind, compassionate, strong, confident, and loving.
Don't let the people who failed to love you convince you that you are not deserving of true love. If you have been lied to, cheated on or left behind, there is nothing wrong with you. You deserve so much better and there's something greater in store for you. Don't lose hope and never change yourself or sell yourself short. A great woman like you deserves a great man who knows your worth and how rare your love is.
MariaExcala from Germany on September 25, 2017:
a friend of mine who were in a terrible relationship that ended recently thinks that it's all her fault :( the sad thing is, the guy is a jerk and its on other women constantly, i'd be glad to share this with her! nice hub
dashingscorpio from Chicago on September 13, 2017:
You will never truly be "free" until you stop worrying about what other people think! Be yourself and let the chips fall where they may. Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.
It's human nature for people to compare, rank, and compete with each other. That's never going to change.
However once one accepts that as fact they can ignore it.
"If you live for people's acceptance you will die from their rejection." Learning to love yourself is "the greatest love of all!"
Truth be told EVERYONE has their own "mate selection process" or "must haves list". No one is going to "make the grade" on everyone's "ideal mate" search. That's life!
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
In order for your (ex) to have been "the one" he would have had to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a "soul-mate" is someone who actually wants to be with you!
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
- Oscar Wilde
Thankfully there are over (7 Billion) other people on the planet.
In a world with that many people rejection means: NEXT!
Princess from PH on September 13, 2017:
yes! most people, because of social competition, tend to put others down when they couldnt do better on their own, and most women are put down by men because we can easily take their office jobs, and in relationships, men feel like they have to be the alpha most of the time and a lot of women suffer because of that, but we don't need that shit from them, nice hub!