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Am I Just a Booty Call? 10 Signs There's No Relationship Potential

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Rebecca loves sharing what she knows about alternative medicine, health, frugal living, fun, animals, and how to live a better life!

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How Do You Know if You're a Booty Call?

So you've met someone. And you're getting sweet on them, perhaps you're both equally smitten. But you're not sure if a relationship is actually happening or if it's purely physical. Sometimes you know right away if a relationship is going to go somewhere, other times you need to hunt for a bit of clarification. After all, good relationships take time and investment. You can't always know right away what you mean to someone, or even what they mean to you!

1. Examine How You Met

If you met online and rushed into the meeting and immediately hooked up, it's probably just a hook up to them. Social media has created an entirely new beast for dating and hook ups. Just take a look at Tinder.

Although rushing to the physical parts of a relationship is common, and can be one of the most fun parts. . .it often leaves too much space to just move on when it fizzles out. You've left no room for knowing the person on an emotional, spiritual or intellectual level. There is nothing wrong with hooking up online, or in any other manner just observe how the initiation starts off.

If you've met through family or mutual friends, or even in an organic situation, things get harder to recognize as booty call territory.

2. What Are Your Conversations Like?

When people are interested in a relationship, their conversation does not revolve around sex. Doe this potential mate ask you about your family? Career? Things you enjoy doing? Are you getting a sense that they listen to you with interest when you are speaking? Do they show signs of remembering what you share with them? If so, great. . .they may actually be trying to get to know you.

A booty call, male or female, although most are male (we can blame biology for that) will not care to know you other than when bodies start slapping in between the sheets. If the only conversation you're having is pillow talk, you've probably landed yourself a booty call.

3. It's All About the Timing

Timing is important in every aspect of life. Relationships are no exception. We are busy humans these days. The thing is. . .when something is interesting or a priority people make time for it. Regardless of how packed their schedule is.

Is this person calling you before 7pm? How about dates? Are you going out? Or do you only meet up late at a bar to have a few cocktails and get to a place to get it on?

A booty call will typically call you late, and have no solid plans. They definitely will not make plans in advance, or they are full of a plethora of excuses about why they are busy. Do they take eons to reply to messages or texts? Do they even bother to call you back? Get your head out of the clouds and don't make excuses for their lame behavior. If you want to be more than a fun time you need to spend time together doing everyday normal people things. Meeting only late or when convenient for a bump and grind is not the recipe for relationship success.

And if they are only available when you want to slap skins and respond instantly to that. . .this is not rocket science.

4. As They Say, "It's Not What You Know, It's Who You Know"

They say "it's not what you know, it's who you know." Have you met anyone close to the person you're interested in?

Friends? Family? Children? Some mutual friends don't necessarily count. If you're a "dirty little secret," you're probably a booty call. Now don't get me wrong. . .maybe they are taking their time to introduce you to those closest to them. When it comes to parents and kids, this can take time. But if you're at a 6-month mark and no one knows you even exist, that's not a good sign. This one you'll have to gauge a bit. When someone is truly interested they will want to claim you and make sure those closest to them know it. If you're months in, and the only people that have seen you is the mailman upon your walk of shame. . .you're a booty call.

5. "I Only Have Eyes for You" and PDA

Let's say you've had the luxury of going out to eat or doing something with this person besides just meeting for drinks late at a bar or pub. Do they make an effort to claim you in public? This can be anything from gently holding your hand, walking your pace on a sidewalk, or giving you a quick kiss on the cheek.

Full-on groping like pigs doesn't count. Neither does sucking face all over the place. No one wants to see that. If you're that passionate save that behavior for a private setting. People in serious relationships, even those that are passionate, don't behave that way. They respect each other in public and save the hot and heavy for behind closed doors.

Does the person you're seeing openly flirt with everything they come in contact with while you're with them? This only means two things:

  1. You're a booty call.
  2. They are a jerk.

Long eye contact with wait staff? Inappropriate touching? It's ok to be friendly and close to others, but there is a fine line, especially when you've just starting dating. If the person you are with has no shame in making a public scene and not a good one? Guess what? You're probably a booty call!

6. Communication, Communication, Communication

The late-night calling has already been mentioned and is a blatant red flag that you're most likely a nice warm body to enjoy. But there is more to be said.

If you've been seeing someone for three months or longer, it's not unreasonable to have questions about the trajectory of the relationship. By this point, you should have a pretty good idea of where things are going. If you've probed them mentally and they evade or avoid. . .that is not a good sign. If they won't answer direct questions. . .this is a bad sign. If they are not asking or inquiring deeper into your own wants and needs by at least three months. . .this is a bad sign. You may not have everything mapped out in a few months, and that is normal. But a conversation on life goals and some expectations should be happening. If they ghost every time you try to nail them down, this is a bad sign.

7. They Talk Trash About Their Exes

If they have only shared negative dialogue on past lovers, girlfriends or spouses. . .this is a bad sign. If the longest relationship they've ever had was under a year-long. . .this is a bad sign.

Mature people can exit relationships with a sense of growth and respect. They should not bash or trash people they've chosen to be with in the past. The exception could be extreme cases of abuse. If the longest relationship they've ever been able to maintain is less than a year, this shows they are not very good at long-term commitment. Are they over 35 and have never been married? That's not a good sign. Have they never lived with a partner or shared adult responsibilities? Although we all have a past, some behavior molds and creates who we currently are. Noncommittal people are great at the hit it and quit it game.

Do they hide their phone or other personal belongings? Do they avoid using their phone in front of you? You're probably the booty, but they may have more booties on the side.

8. They Never Stay the Night

If you're a booty call, you may notice a pattern that goes like this: You meet up late at night. You may never hook up sober. You'll have hot steamy sex, usually for hours, maybe multiple times. One party will leave before sunrise—just bounce on outta there. You won't be sharing a morning conversation over coffee and omelets. You won't say goodbye with any future planning or commitment, there won't be long hugs, gazes, or sweet talk. Once you're off the mattress, someone is gonna split.

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9. Bachelorette/Bachelor Pad Alert!

Take a look around. When you meet someone you can usually gauge basic personality traits relatively quickly. Are they very materialistic? Lots of fancy surface-level things? You'll know a bachelor pad when you see one. Fast cars, high-end perfume, cologne, makeup, lots of emphasis on status? This is not always a red flag, but for a player they sure can be. High maintenance and lack of humility usually point to someone interested in a variety of genitals that does not want to settle down.

Can you leave a toothbrush or any personal items in each other's space without them vanishing? Do you ever leave anything behind intentionally and it magically vanishes? Never to be seen or heard from again? If this is happening, they don't want you to mark your presence in their space.

10. They Tell You!

They blatantly tell you that they do not want to settle down. Or they want to see other people. Or they are not ready for anything serious.

Please do not waste your time thinking with enough effort you will somehow convert them or show them the light. When someone tells you what they want, do yourself a favor and save yourself agony and heartache and believe them.

Booty Call Recap

  1. They only wanna hook up late at night and don't make future plans.
  2. They won't introduce you to people of significance in their lives.
  3. They won't discuss deeper issues or where the relationship stands or is going.
  4. Dating is not a thing.
  5. Typically they don't spend the night.
  6. They evade and hide
  7. They trash talk past lovers or partners
  8. The only PDA is more like sub-par porn.
  9. There is no sign of you in their life, or vice versa, other than physical.
  10. They tell you you're nothing more then a good time.

Further Reading

Comments

Umesh Chandra Bhatt from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on September 15, 2021:

Well presented. Good points.

Oscar Jones from Monroeville, Alabama on September 15, 2021:

ok, some good points.. nicely done!

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