9 Things Pick-Up Artists Tell Men To Do That Will Never Get You Laid

Updated on August 31, 2016
ms_independent profile image

Celine is a 23-year-old Torontonian femme, writer, and feminist who has encountered pick-up artists in their natural, creepy habitat.

It seems obvious not to look at any human being this way, yet so many men do. Yikes.
It seems obvious not to look at any human being this way, yet so many men do. Yikes. | Source

1. Being aggressive

If her body language, lack of eye contact, one-word answers and outright ignoring you wasn't enough to tell you to move on, you need to clue in, a lot. No amount of aggression, effort, freebies, or "niceness" will make a woman interested in you after she has shown disinterest. In fact, the more aggro you are, the more likely she's going to not only consider you a stalker and get the hell away from you, but she'll also warn her friends, too. Women (surprise!) talk to each other and warn each other about creeps. Pick-up artists will tell you to be aggressive, but all that will do is get "creep" stamped onto your forehead.

Don't react like a damn toddler when a woman expresses disinterest.
Don't react like a damn toddler when a woman expresses disinterest. | Source

2. Not taking a hint

In the same vein as the previous point, learn to take a hint. Sure, you say you'll back off as soon as a woman explicitly tells you she isn't interested, but ideally she wouldn't have to tell you outright. If you're talking to her and she barely looks at you and is hardly listening, she's not interested. If you keep getting closer and closer to her and she keeps pulling away, she's not interested. If you buy her a drink and she says she just wants to be left alone or left with her friends, she's not interested. These are blatant signs of non-interest, and yet some men will still pursue, which is both obtuse and creepy.

Hopefully he's not secretly trying to fuck her under the guise of "friendship."
Hopefully he's not secretly trying to fuck her under the guise of "friendship."

3. Believing in the "friend zone"

If you confess your feelings or attraction to a woman and she turns you down, she means it. For real. Like she really, really means it when she says she's not attracted to you/doesn't see you romantically/isn't interested in dating you. Contrary to what you may have heard, women don't go around saying the opposite of what we mean. And no, there is no magic formula of excessive kindness or excessive rudeness that is going to make us magically attracted to you. Cut your losses and move on!

Literally every self-described "nice guy." If you have to SAY you're nice, you're not.
Literally every self-described "nice guy." If you have to SAY you're nice, you're not. | Source

4. Avoiding being "the nice guy"

Basic kindness and human decency (holding open a door for anyone of any gender, saying sorry when you bump into someone, etc.) are the minimum expectations for any human being, not the maximum. If you do these things, you are not a great person or a nice person, you are a normal person. So no cookies for you. Also, kindness is ATTRACTIVE. Incredibly so. I've talked to so many girls about men who are genuinely respectful and caring, and we all agree how hot they are because of it. Just be a real, kind human being, man.

Negging  = fragile masculinity. It's that simple.
Negging = fragile masculinity. It's that simple. | Source

5. Negging

This is what a 5-year-old does to their crush in the school yard because they're 5 freaking years old and they want their crush's attention, but they haven't figured out how to socialize yet. Negging means you have the social skills and personal depth of a newborn giraffe, and it's not sexy (nor does it work).

Amen. | Source

6. Accepting dubious consent (or none) as genuine consent.

If you have to nag, trick, and pressure a woman into having sex with you, that is not freely given consent and in many cases can classify as rape. If she says no or stop at any point and you keep going, then congrats, you're a rapist! Also, you should really, REALLY examine how and why you can derive sexual pleasure from having sex with a woman who is visibily uncomfortable, reluctant, or downright resistant. Hint: you have serious entitlement issues and you need therapy.


7. Invading personal space

It's true that a good way to test if someone is attracted to you is to subtly move in a bit closer or touch them lightly in a non-sexual place like the arm or shoulder and see how they react. However, if the person moves back, startles, tenses up, or tells you to stop then you gotta stop. You wouldn't want some random person to sit right up close to you and talk to you two inches from your face, because that would give you the willies. It would be even worse if they were creepy and ugly, like most of the men who do this are. Generally, it makes women feel VERY unsafe when men invade our personal space (and if women being uncomfortable turns you on, please seek professional help and stay the hell away from us).

Yeah, don't.
Yeah, don't. | Source

8. Approaching random women in public

I have no idea why this method is so highly recommended, because the success rate is literally SO. LOW. I have not once given my number to some random dude who approached me in public. In fact, I avoid these interactions like the plague because they are unwanted and intrusive (and every woman I know agrees). If you do manage to coerce a woman into giving you her number, there's a 90% chance it's either fake, or she has zero intention of responding to your texts or calls and just gave it to you so you'd leave her alone. I have never heard of a couple who said they met because he harassed her in the food court at the mall. There are about a thousand better ways to meet women that don't involve assuming that your desire to speak to us is more important than our comfort.

A typical canid social structure. There are no definitive "alphas," only rough hierarchies based on age and overall social status.
A typical canid social structure. There are no definitive "alphas," only rough hierarchies based on age and overall social status. | Source

9. Buying into the Alpha/Beta Male Theory

This is completely over-simplistic, toxic, and it ignores the complicated manner in which sexual and romantic attraction actually work. Yes, humans are animals with sexual instincts, but we are also complex and social animals, and our sexual preferences and behaviours are hugely shaped by our environment.

Also, the analogy to wolves is nonsensical because even wolves have more complicated social dynamics than the alpha/beta structure. Basically, this is a load of crock.

Why do you find it so imperative to your self-worth to manipulate women??
Why do you find it so imperative to your self-worth to manipulate women?? | Source


If you are drawn to pick-up artist's manipulative tactics, I would urge you to consider why. It's likely that this may be an attempt on your part to regain control (honestly, it's only the illusion of control) in the sexual/dating aspect of your life because you feel you don't have control over much else. The truth is that confident, well-adjusted people do not derive pleasure from tricking and manipulating others to bend to their will.

The other possibility is that you feel so entitled to women's bodies, sex, and attention that you will resort to any length, no matter how disingenuous, to acquire it. Either way, all this PUA culture will give you is a temporary sense of hard control when in fact, by being so aggressive and manipulative, you are revealing how insecure you truly are.


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    • ms_independent profile imageAUTHOR


      3 years ago from Canada

      @Laurinzo Scott Thank you for knowing that women are people, not things! We need more men like you out there!

    • Laurinzo Scott profile image

      LJ Scott 

      3 years ago from Phoenix, Az.

      What a great answer to all those... "How-to-pick up..." advisors... who don't know a woman is not something to be "picked up" on; but a person whom you can only genuinely connect with if she allows it, and if you are even slightly worthy... I love the style of this Voted way up!!!!!


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