Jorge's relationship advice is based on experience and observation. He's seen many people—including himself—get seduced and hurt by love.
The stereotype is that women are the ones who are hard to get, and while there are definitely some biological reasons why they would be more choosy about their partners, sometimes guys can be picky, too. Sometimes, he may just want to be friends with you. Maybe you're just not his physical type. Maybe he doesn't like your personality. Maybe you smell funny to him.
Whatever the reason, if you have an inkling that a guy isn't really into you, then it's probably true. Of course, there are some situations where he may actually like you, but he doesn't want to admit it.
That's what we're trying to clear up here. What are some telltale signs that he just wants to be friends? Let's take a look.
Signs That He Just Wants to Be Friends
- He calls you "buddy" or "friend."
- He talks to you about other people he's interested in.
- He doesn't go out of his way to get to know you.
- He introduces you as a co-worker/classmate/whatever to other people.
- He laughs if people imply that you would make a good couple.
- He doesn't react or else behaves awkwardly when you flirt with him.
- He goes out of his way to mention that he's not interested in you.
1. He calls you "buddy" or "friend."
First of all, does he call you "buddy" or "pal" or "friend" or something else along those lines? If he likes you, that's a weird thing to call you, isn't it? In fact, it's almost as if he's trying to make it really clear that you're just friends.
While this may be a good thing for you if you feel the same way, you're probably here because you actually like him. If you're feeling bold, ask him why he calls you by these overly-friendly terms. Listening to a thorough explanation might give you some insight into what he's thinking. Just try not to sound like you have too many expectations when you ask.
When You Know
2. He talks to you about other people he's interested in.
"Oh, man, Marsha from human resources came over my place last night, and let's just say that she's resourcefully human."
If he's telling you all about his dates (or just his fun adult times) with other people, then he's probably not trying to reel you in. Sure, some guys are savvy enough to know that this won't deter a lot of women, but a guy who likes you will usually avoid telling you that there are other people on his plate.
This is extra true if he's telling you that he's in a committed relationship or that he's seriously dating someone. Obviously, this lets you know that he's not available, and it's a sign that he just wants to be friends. (Unless he makes a huge point of telling you that the relationship is an open one, but that's a whole other can of worms.)
3. He doesn't go out of his way to get to know you.
If someone likes you, they're going to want to know about you, too. He'll ask you questions, talk to other people about you, and maybe even invite you to "hang out" somewhere.
On the other hand, if he seems otherwise bored with your presence and won't ask you much about yourself without being prompted, he probably doesn't care. Find someone who actually does care and shoot your love bullets at them instead, or else you're just wasting ammunition.
4. He introduces you as a co-worker/classmate/whatever to other people.
Does this guy introduce you by your role relative to him? For example, you're a co-worker or a classmate or a dance partner or a room mate, and this is all he tells people about you.
While he may be too embarrassed to admit that he likes you, usually a guy who is into you will say at least a few things about you to his friends. If he's being very bland and generic with the way he talks about you--like you're nothing special--that's a sign that he just wants to be friends.
Has This Ever Happened to You?
5. He laughs if people imply that you would make a good couple.
People like to tease others about potential romance, so if something like this comes up about the two of you, see what his reaction is.
- "You know, Svetlana from the graphic design department said that you and I would make a cute couple."
- "You...and me? Buahahaha!"
If it seems like he's never even thought about it before, then he's probably only interested in being friends--at least right now.
6. He doesn't react or else behaves awkwardly when you flirt with him.
If you like someone, how do you act when they flirt with you? You like it, right? Your brain is trained to pick up on even the smallest flirtatious signal, so you respond right away.
A shy guy might get a little awkward and embarrassed when you flirt with him; that might actually mean that he likes you! However, if the guy doesn't seem bashful at all, and he's simply confused or seems to be uncomfortable when you flirt, then he probably wants to keep you in the friendzone.
7. He goes out of his way to mention that he's not interested in you.
Finally, hardly anyone in the universe will try to push away your advances if they like you. If he says things like, "Yeah, you're completely not my type, but I can see why Bobby from upstairs likes you," then he's most likely hinting that he doesn't want to go further than friendship.
Some people like to shoot themselves in the foot and deny that they like someone even if they do, but most mature people don't do that (unless there's a reason why he shouldn't be with you--for example, if he's married).
Try Not to Feel Bad About Being Friendzoned
C'mon now, lift that chin up! There's nothing wrong with being "friendzoned." Just as there are probably plenty of guys who have longed for you, but who you didn't like back, there are going to be times when you're on the receiving end of subtle rejection.
So don't let it get to you. There are plenty of people out there who will like you for who you are and will want to be more than friends. Instead of getting hung up over one person, open yourself up a little to the possibilities around you.
© 2018 Jorge Vamos
STARTSTUCK on January 24, 2019:
So there’s this guy. We’ve been close for so long and nearly everyone around us have told us ( on more than one occasion) that we’re really cute together. I started falling for him soon and i confessed, apparently he doesn’t mind being in a relationship with me and even suggested quote “We can be anything, we can study together, we can go out, we can maybe even be official?” And I picked official and it’s day 5 of our oficial relationship. I’m really over the moon about this all and he’s just being him ( he’s pretty shy) and then out of nowhere, this bitch just pops out and says to him”You don’t eve like her, she likes you more than you like her and why are you guys even dating, breakup lol” I’m kind of upset after he relayed the convo to me but his response was “There are two types of love, the crush state where you get nervous and sweaty and the natural state, where you are just so used to each other and you are just super stable, we are in the natural state.” Idk how to fee about this answer, should I be reassured or.....?
amberger on October 13, 2018:
I think this website really helped me. I would like it if you did another one on what boys do when they like you. I like this boy and he doesn't show any of these signs and he likes me. what do I do? what does it mean?
Unknown on August 27, 2018:
I have got a friends who doesn't show any signs... My whole class thinks we are a couple he smiled shyly (for 1 second). Then removed the smile and said "They are just ________ idiots." What does this mean?
Bambi on June 19, 2018:
That's a hurting feeling.for those who thought we had a man