6 Reasons Why Looking for a Relationship Online Is a Bad Idea

Updated on February 20, 2017

Pick up any book on relationships and you can bet it will have a section on online dating, whether it was written by Dr. Phil or the neighbour next door. This chapter on online dating is usually included to give people another avenue to pursue if they're failing to get a date the old fashioned way.

If these so-called relationship guru's had actually tried to find Mr. or Ms. Right online, they would have realized what a bad idea it was and never suggested it in the first place. Just because everyone else out there is doing it, doesn't make it a good idea.

This article is based on my experiences in the online dating world, experiences that stretch out for several years. I'm not suggesting that it's impossible to find someone online. Lightning has been known to strike. I just happen to believe that online dating has been over-hyped and is probably one of the worst places to find someone to have a relationship with.

Reason #1: Relationship? I Thought You Said Sex!

This is by far the biggest pitfall of online dating. Especially if you're interacting with men within a 50-mile radius or more of where you live.

It makes no difference what category you put your profile, you could put it in "frigid prudes from hell" and men will still assume you must want to hook up. It's quite astounding.

I remember meeting a guy I had chatted with online for several days prior and he told me half-way through our coffee date that he was looking forward to spending the night with me. Come again? He kindly informed me that he would not be returning to his apartment that night, but would be having a sleepover at my place instead. Needless to say, he did not get his wish.

Seems that there are a lot of men out there that assume the date is just something to get through to get to the sex after. This can happen on any date, regardless if you met online or not. However, this happened to me so often that I began suspecting that meeting a guy online sent the subliminal message that I was looking for sex even though it was never discussed and my profile was in the serious relationship category.

I suspect that the actual number of people using online dating sites that are really looking for a relationship instead of a good time is fairly small.

Reason #2: Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire?

Let's face it, people can say anything they want about themselves online. They're a brain surgeon, a model, or even a pro-hockey player (that one was rather comical). Studies have already proven that both men and women lie about different things on their profile. Women tend to lie about their weight and men tend to lie about their height and salary.

Men have complained to me time and time again that when they finally met a woman they had been chatting with online, she turned out to be at least 50 lbs heavier than she stated on her profile. Women counter that they hope a guy likes them enough after getting to know them online that their looks/weight won't matter to a guy. Sadly, it's not the weight that bothers a guy so much as the lying about it!

Some people don't even use their own pictures! What a fantastic way to start a relationship!! Nothing builds love and trust like lying.

People lie about whether they're even single, if they have kids, their job, their looks, you name it. But how are you supposed to know if they're the real deal? It's different when you know them from work or your friends. You can always do a little investigating about whether they are in fact single, what they do for a living and so on. That's very hard to do online. You have no choice but take their word for it, at least for the time being.

Reason #3: Long Distance Dating Doesn't Always Work

I have a girlfriend that met a guy online and then proceeded to try and have a long-distance relationship with him. It never worked out. I also tried the same thing, many years ago and that didn't work out any better. The truth of the matter is, it doesn't work out for too many other people either.

There is a difference between meeting someone, dating for at least 6 months and then due to uncontrollable circumstances ie., deployment to Afghanistan, job relocation, etc., the couple is forced to do the long distance thing vs trying to get to know someone online that lives on the other side of the country.

The best way to get to know someone is not by listening to everything they have to say about themselves and then reciprocating your life's story. As Jesus said so succinctly in John 5:31, "If I bear witness of Myself, My witness is not true." Darn right! The best way to judge some one's character (or their fruits, if you want to stay on the Biblical theme) is by seeing them interact with other people and in different circumstances. This is hard to do online and especially if that online relationship is long distance. It's not like you're able to have dinner or go for coffee anytime soon.

You have no idea if anything that person has said about themselves or in their profile is accurate, ie., "loves children" and you also don't know if that person isn't having a long distance relationship with someone else or several other people for that matter.

Reason #4: I Say Hello, You Say Good-Bye

I don't think there is anything more devastating to a person's fragile ego than working up the courage to meet someone they like only to have that person take one look at them and say, "Oh crap! I forgot, I'm supposed to be somewhere right now! Gotta run!" (Someone actually said this me, I kid you not).

Even if you post real pictures of yourself in your profile, people can look different in person. The trouble with online dating is that when you do finally decide to meet, there can be so much emphasis on the whole looks thing. People seem to think that if there's no chemistry in the first few seconds of seeing someone in the flesh, that there can be no hope of any romance in the future. How sad.

I think the reason the meet-up tends to fall apart is because we as humans tend to have certain expectations and when those expectations are not met, we feel very disappointed. It's so easy to build up someone in your mind, especially if all you have to go on is their online profile and what they've told you about themselves. You bring your own expectations to the table, hoping this potential Mr. or Ms. Right will meet your criteria, but in reality, meeting all of your expectations is impossible to do.

Reason #5: Online Dating Teaches Us That Being Yourself Isn't Good Enough

This has to be one of the best reasons why online dating can actually be hazardous to your health.

I realize that when we go out on a date we don't show up in sweat pants with our hair unwashed. We usually try to make a good impression. But there is a difference between looking your best and trying to be something your not. The online dating world sends the message to people that you're not good enough the way you are.

The so-called online dating experts instruct us on what to say and what not to say about ourselves in our profiles. "Don't say ________ or you'll come across as desperate!" They entice us with columns like, "Be exactly the woman every guy wants." Sure, if you're into polygamy. Why not be the woman that will attract they guy you want? Over and over again we get the message that you need to improve yourself or else Mr. or Ms. Right will never come your way.

Then there's the pressure message that goes something like this: "If you don't take the initiative and message guys that you're interested in you will end up dying alone!" (ok, that's a bit exaggerated, but not far from the truth). Gee, maybe taking the initiative isn't her style. See? Why be you when you could be someone else!

Maybe we need to stop being afraid of being alone like it's the worst thing in the world that could happen to us.

Reason #6: Looks Shall Always Triumph Over Personality

Online dating tends to favour people who are attractive even if they have very little to offer in the way of personality or character. Having a sense of humor pales in comparison to six-pack abs and a great tan.

Online dating seems to be more about meeting someone to go out and have fun with vs finding someone to have a serious relationship with. It's very discouraging for men and women with amazing characteristics such as a love for kids, patience, and honesty to compete with men who's hobbies include working out, going to the club and surfing on the weekends or women who resemble Scarlett Johanson and like puppies, shopping and going to the tanning salon.

They place a tremendous amount of importance on how someone looks instead of who a person is. It's difficult to truly get to know a person's characteristics other than sense of humour over the internet. Being honest or being respectful towards women is demonstrated better in person than online.

For women who are not super models it can get downright discouraging to post the real you online only to have maybe one response. Change your picture to include yourself in a provocative position, cleavage, or more skin overall and I'll bet you all the money in the bank you will definitely get more responses from men. Yes, men are visual, but women who are serious about finding Mr. Right or having a serious relationship want a guy to be interested in more than her bra size.

Have you ever visited an online dating website?

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Moral of the Story

Alright so I have probably depressed the heck out of you by this point but it's far better that you know what you're up against out there in the online dating world than to get your hopes up only to have them smashed to pieces. Like it's not hard enough being single but then add having to deal with rejection after rejection by complete strangers!

I'm not saying that love and serious relationships can never happen online, what I am saying is that your chances are slim, whether you are male or female. For all my bad experiences and friend's bad experiences, I do know one or two cases where it did work out all sunshine and roses. People win the lottery, don't they? So there you go. Go forth and profile all you want, wink to your heart's content but please, do not dismiss the old fashioned way of getting to know someone at the office, school, local watering hole—you get it.

Questions & Answers

    © 2010 Carolyn Dahl

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        slawek6j 8 weeks ago

        When i was searching some why you shouldn't this one helped me a lot, the Answer is: 1 You shouldn't date you might get killed by some weapon or a knife. 2 Don't trust them and call the police when there's a dating killing site, who somebody likes. It is the owner. 3 Say no, and go off that site fast as you can, these dating sites are dangerous.

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        Danny 2 months ago

        Scroll down and read James’ comment. He’s spot on, 100% correct. 99.9% of people online have unresolved issues. I fell for a girl that was riddled with baggage from her childhood, divorce, etc.. you name it, she had it. she was clearly not ready to be with someone else, and for 2.5 years on and off, dragged me into this downward spiral of hell. We’d bresk up and instantly she’d be with some other poor, unsuspecting guy who she would do the same way as me. Then she’d want to be with me again. I’ll spare the entire story. She’s not the first one I’ve encountered who was like that. I’ve become some women’s free therapist online, because I will listen to their horror stories and since I’ve been through similar things, I know how they feel. I’ve had at least 10-12 women talk about how their past relationship destroyed them and they’re still in love with their ex, even though he was a horrible, abusive jerk. If that’s the case, why are you looking to drag someone else into your world of $hit? It’s not fair to anyone. Fix your heart and your head before you ruin someone else’s life. Even more so if you have kids who you’re bringing into the equation. I’ve become so jaded due to online dating. Meeting people in real life just doesn’t work anymore, so what do you do??

        I think it’s very hard for a woman to understand how awful it is for men online as well. It’s a completely different game. I’m one of the guys who has had relatively good luck meeting women online because I was blessed with being physically appealing. But it doesn’t help at all finding someone. Everyone lies, especially women, and I don’t understand for the life of me why you would want to start a potential relationship based on lies. I’m athletic, I keep in shape, it’s a big part of my life because I want to be healthy. It’s a requirement that anyone I’m with should enjoy some level of physical activity. It’s a lifestyle, and for a lot of people, one that can’t be compromised. I’m just not into big girls that don’t care about their appearance or health. It may be shallow, but I know what I like and what I feel will never amount to anything. The author said that looks trump personality online, well it’s the same way in real life. Probably not to as an extreme degree, but everyone wants to be with someone they’re attracted to... I’ve met so many women who hide the fact that they’re severely overweight, and there is nothing more disappointing than building someone up in your head for weeks, then meeting them and finding out they were lying the whole time. Online dating also ruins otherwise decent women, I believe. Women who normally would be quite modest and grounded with their value in a relationship have their egos so overinflated because of the sheer amount of messages they receive. They don’t realize that nearly every single woman receives hundreds of messages a week, and wind up thinking they’re something really special. Online dating used to be decent about 10 years ago when I started, but within the past couple years it’s become a real $hit show.

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        Tünde 2 months ago

        I agree wholeheartedly, I am middle aged, petite, blonde Bob, well educated and keep fit (regular gym user) size 14. I managed to make it to a couple of dates but most middle aged men are looking for women with crane legs and Rapunzel hair. I have been happy in my own skin and can make turn heads when I am out and about but when "online dating" people seem to chase a dream that doesn't exist. Middle aged Men in general run on the wings of hopes that they can still pull a glamour model just because they are financially secure but nothing special about them. The connection online is so shallow (mainly small talk) - I would rather grab a book

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        Nique 2 months ago

        The author of this article is spot on in my opinion. Every person I’ve met never read my profile or hadn’t taken it seriously. I am a plus sized woman and was always been honest about that. I even joined sites particularly for curvy people and guess what!?, the guys I encountered were even pickier. The sad part is they weren’t perfect, appearance wise, but wanted some sort of muse which, let’s face it, more than likely wouldn’t need to be on a dating site in the first place. Then if you are lucky enough to find a person that’s not already involved (married or otherwise) they typically lie about their intent. I’m not saying I am ready to marry you. All I’m saying is I want to get to know you without sleeping with you. When they hear that most head for the hills. The bottom line, online dating is not for me. I’d much rather just let things happen natually if it’s meant to be. In other words, I will go out on dates with my daughter ( she’s really fun) if I meet someone that developes into more than a friendship that’s cool. Otherwise I’m ok without it. Good luck in your search people.

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        Carolyn Dahl 3 months ago from Ottawa, Ontario

        It was actually 10 years ago or so that I last used an online dating site and I have been married 7 years. I have 4 kids with hubby and I was a single mother when I met him. I had a lot of fun reminiscing about past dating experiences, despite my tone, lol.

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        Dan 3 months ago

        If we are to take her at her word, the author last used an online dating service "about 8 years ago," and is now married with 5 kids.

        So, assuming she met someone right away and they got married right away (which is highly unusual), she had 5 kids in a period of 8 years. Not impossible, of course, but highly unusual. Additionally, assuming all that, she still somehow spends an inordinate amount of time with her "hubs," as evidenced by this somewhat angry retort to what she perceived to be -perhaps correctly so - a condescending post:

        "Considering it is the hub with the second highest visitor traffic of all my hubs, I guess people must like arrogant hubs."

        Even if we take the - married and 5 kids in an 8-year span (or less) immediately after stopping online dating - at face value, one is left wondering how many happily married woman with children (5, no less) would be devoting this much of their time to online "hubs." Quite a dynamo indeed.

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        Daniela 3 months ago

        What happened to me is that I was eating my lunch and I started to feel bad about “Dating” this person I didn’t know and so I agree with Just because other people do it doesn’t mean it’s a good idea for you ether.

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        ArthurAdamsDent 4 months ago from Winnipeg, Canada

        For older people the dating sphere is frought with perils, especially online dating, and yet still the best of the worst options for many. To this day i have been on few dates simply because the sheer disgust with the whole approach and is akin to diving head first into a buzzsaw. The only thing that works in terms of protecting and advocating for yourself is being straight-up on who you are.

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        Jeanette 4 months ago from Chicago

        Online dating sucks. I should write my own blog about it. First line, I read your profile and we have a lot in common. So tell me about yourself, what do you do for fun, Really ? Can't plan a date but they are extremely romantic. Heck, can't even manage a meet for coffee. Second date should be sexual, huh ? What old fashioned/ old school/ southern values class was that ? And it goes on...

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        ArthurAdamsDent 4 months ago from Winnipeg, Canada

        Back in the ancient times before the time of the internet there was something even worse. Telephone dating companies you would pay them for the opportunity log into their own separate phone system ( for women it was free of course) and check out profiles.

        without a doubt a god-awful experience that gave me an early bad taste for all things dating, even with the internet and websites and apps it has not improved. It seems that with with every improvement in technology simply highlights the utter shallowness of people.

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        Juliana sheme 5 months ago

        I actually consider myself to be lucky.With all these online dating problems I can see why it's such A pain In the ass to find a relationship.I use to go on pof and I thought I was going to be on there forever until 2-3 weeks later I found an interesting profile.I decided to message him.But! he had no picture.I know it sounds risky but I gave it a shot even people with pictures still lie so doesn't make much of a difference.Anyways he replied back to me we stayed on pof chatting for a few days until we exchanged emails.Than we started talking on the phone and we met up a week later.I knew it was going to be good.I even deleted my account because I felt the chemistry on the phone when we talked and I knew he was the one.It was just something i felt.Well let's just say he was handsome as hell.He told me he didn't have a profile pic because he wanted to weed out the people that only cared about looks.Ever since then we have been in a relationship for 5 years.We were friends first than slowly it developed to something more.I know dating online or offline can

        suck.Just don't give up.

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        Carolyn Dahl 5 months ago from Ottawa, Ontario

        I last dated online about 8 years ago... things have changed since then for sure, but I'm sure men and women still go on these sites claiming to want a relationship when they really want something else or has that changed too? Many comments on here would indicate that it hasn't.

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        How could you have 5 kids? 5 months ago

        I'm feeling a bit duped by the author here, if she is married with 5 kids how could she ever have dated online in the current climate? That doesn't make sense.

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        Thomas42 5 months ago

        I don't think I'll ever use online dating again, it's a waste of time. Tried for three months on 2 different sites, very depressing. Sending messages to fake profiles and old profiles they never delete. Women who aren't really there to date, just "window shopping" , scams and catfishers. Men pretending to be women and women who's first question is "what is your income?"

        Better off buying a goldfish.

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        Dan 5 months ago

        Here is the math. When you meet someone there is only a 25% chance that both of you will like each other (ie A likes B but B doesn't like A, and so forth). If about 20% of good meetings turn into a relationship (and this is being very optimistic) then the probability of finding a good relationship by meeting someone thru a dating site is .25*.2 or 5%. Not very good odds. The real odds are probably lower.

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        On-line Dating Doesn't Work 5 months ago

        Test it and found no one really wants to date just browse.

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        John Kanyon 5 months ago

        I have a slight feeling I should probably break up with my current girlfriend online. None of my past relationships online have worked and I broke a vow that I will never get into another long-term relationship because I know the results will not only break their heart, but it will break mine too and depress me.

        I've possibly just shoved a lot of "love" into her face saying how much she means to me and other things, so it might break her heart badly. She is going through a lot, and dumping her now would be bad. But I still don't wish to hurt her emotions in the future. Because that'll leave a mark on me. And I have a few friends online that know how much I've said I care about her and how much she has told them how much I matter to her. So I will be hated by around 7 friends. And lose at least 3 because of it.

        Any suggestions on what to do? I need actual advice for once.

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        Smarmy2 5 months ago

        Online dating is awful.

        Well thought out messages never returned, not even a polite not interested. Fake profiles, old photos, women there for an ego boost, cheating wives and ...

        Women who ask how much I make. I'm looking for a relationship not to hire a prostitute! If you ask me how much I make (I'm pretty well off) you get a "sorry, I'm not interested" reply.

        Women who ask for a picture of my d*** (what is wrong with people??)

        I finally meet someone who I think has similar interests and when we meet she's about 100 pounds heavier than her picture. Um, what part of I like to kayak, rock climb and compete in long distance cycling makes you think I want a women who can't climb a flight of stairs without stopping for a break?

        Women who set up a date, know we are going somewhere nice and then to a show after , then cancel at the last min. I had to call in favors for that restaurant to get a nice table on a Friday night and the tickets were $350 each.

        Women who date multiple men at the same time! Who does this?? What kind of home were you raised in?

        "Don't have children but want some" doesn't mean I want to have an instant family and raise some other guys children. It means I'm looking for a real long term relationship including possibly marriage and starting a family.

        I'm a tall, fit, handsome guy with multiple degrees a really nice home and a very successful business.

        On one popular site I was listed as the second most contacted man in my area (a large city). It was still a bad experience I won't repeat. If I can't get a decent date online I feel sorry for the average Joe.

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        Carolyn Dahl 6 months ago from Ottawa, Ontario

        I am married with 5 kids! :-)

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        Trevor 6 months ago

        Online dating is a poor way to meet someone. It's missing all the intangibles of sexual attraction and chemistry. I wasted so much time messaging hundreds of women only to scrape together the occasional date which almost immediately I knew was a mistake. Had I met these women in person I would have known instantly that I wasn't interested. People have been getting together for thousands of years by meeting face to face. Social media and online is only contributing to social retardation. Look at the nerds who create all the online sites that people are supposed to interract on. I gather most of them would be unbearable in a one on one situation. And yet they have sold us a bill of goods that we are supposed to meet and socialize with people on their sites.

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        Very Risky 6 months ago

        Very risky for us good men out there trying to find love online since the women of today are very extremely dangerous to meet as it is which most of them nowadays are total Psychos anyway unfortunately. Been there and done that.

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        katy1992 7 months ago

        totally agree with you, ana!! i've used Hily.com also and met great guys :D

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        Ana 7 months ago

        I disagree with this article. The majority of people today meet their partner online. I met my boyfriend on a dating site (Hily)!! Hily's the perfect dating site for anyone reading this sad article and nodding their head, because you will not experience the kind of flaky, weird guys described here. I've only had good experiences.

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        Doug 7 months ago

        I met my xwife on Yahoo personals in 2000 when it was free. 16 years in and 2 teen daughters later we separated. Turns out she settled for the first guy that would marry, have kids and support her as a stay at home mom. Well, now she's got to work gets half my income even being apart. Never again will I marry.

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        Kimberley H 8 months ago

        I really loved reading your post. Thank you. Every single thing that you said I had experienced the same. At first i thought that perhaps there was something wrong with me. I have finally come to my senses and now know that I do not have to even give these sleazy disgusting middle aged men any of my time, I am worth much more than that!!

        Thank you again .

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        bobert 8 months ago

        Happily married to my wife who I have been with for 8 years. 2 children.

        Meet online

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        James 8 months ago

        Once upon a time meeting people in everyday social interactions was common and practical but after a two year relationship that ended five years ago I decided to try online dating. I wanted to share my experience so other people have some insight into the horrors but also the hopeful side. Most woman that I met were decent people but there wasn't a real connection between them and I. You can almost tell even ten mins into the date but I tend to try and give it at least a bit longer. Most of the time my dates went fairly well and a second date was arranged. The problem isn't having good convo and meeting new people which is always an exciting experience. It's the things that begin to be unveiled as the dates progress. Not to say we all don't have our own degree of baggage but many of the woman I have met weren't ready to commit. not that they didn't want to but they were in denial of their unfinished business. Wether it was a past relationship that hadnt been resolved sufficiently, a mental health issue that was unresolved or just not sure what they wanted. I believe there can be success with online dating because I have heard relationships working out between people who met online. But a vast amount of people who don't have thier own issues figured out and proceed to drag people into what ever it is they are dealing with is a bit discouraging. We all have corks, faults, flaws etc but if it is going to literally effect the ability to be in a relationship it's more then irresponsible to be dragging people you don't even know into it. In one light I think online dating has a horrible aspect and numerous pitfalls in regards to types of people wether just looking for a hookup, mentally unstable, crazy stalker ex boyfriend's, the list goes on but may pose hope for those who have an inability to meet people for reasons of shyness, lower self esteem, and less confidence. Over all though finding your soulmate or at least a keeper so to speak would be far and few inbetween. I don't suggest trying to meet your true love online, for casual interactions though, it's not a bad resource. Just be aware you may be singing up for more then you originally intended to recieve.

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        mindi 8 months ago

        hey I read the bio up top about online dating their were a few kind of but everything you said is true

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        phil 8 months ago

        Thank you, this article is sensible and has a high degree of accuracy. Divorced 6 yrs ago, I have finally come to the conclusion that my attempts at online dating are futile and time consuming, but worse, emotionally deflating. Unfortunately as an older male, 65 , there are some harsh realities: where can I possibly meet a lady (ladies)? Older, single males. do not fare very well, lonely in their senior years, men are in abundance online sites so women can be extremely choosy, unrealistically so. People think an older male may be successful chasing after younger women, hardly any truth to this. I have tried to meet women about my age group but online the women, because of their advantage online, often claim to desire men 10-15 years younger than they are. That I personally am in excellent health and level of fitness is meaningless to these ladies as my actual age does not boost their self worth as a younger man by age can. I am truly in a bind. For every 10-12 ladies I write a decent, cordial intro. message to, maybe 1-2 will actually respond and then, as I have experienced, no 2nd response, who knows why?

        Women commonly complain that they receive crude messages from men with no common decency. However, my well crafted, sincere messages with recent photos has resulted in mostly, almost all actually, failure. Just not sure about what I can do.

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        Kristy 11 months ago

        My good friend convinced me and put me online, I met a guy who was very surprised to find a pretty woman online to the point that he was shaking with nerve on our firs date, declared his undying love for me, wanted to marry me and to share my dreams. First liar was his age he made himself 10 years younger. he got ill and I looked after him, he gave me keys to his home and then 3 mths into the relationship just as I was falling for him, the calls stopped followed by dumped text message asking for his keys back. Wow! never again.

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        Naina 12 months ago

        @igaveup Ma'am. Truest thing i ever read online. 'What has happened to men?'. Indeed. I really am wondering what has gone wrong. I didn't try online dating but in fact something more serious. Online matrimonial websites, which is kind of a norm in India and South Asia.

        The guys i have come across - such duds, to put it mildly. They lie about their profession, their pay, their interests, their lives, their having been married or divorced in the past.. nearly everything.

        If i find a handful interesting and try to get in touch, they dilly-dally, they are only interested in seeing as many photos of mine as possible, even daring to ask for ones in states of undress, and worst of all - holding decent intelligent flowing conversation is the most impossible task anyone can ask of them. The few phone calls i had with one guy, were punctuated with good 5 -10 minute silences, bad english/ bad grammar and 2 grandiose claims - of cooking food better than any chef and being drooled over by models. Maybe the claims were true. God knows. But the guy was ultimately so boring that i wasn't even interested in hanging around and finding out. I too am starting to believe it's true - all the genuine solid men are married, gay or dead. I too have given up.

        Sometimes even the photos are fake and 'borrowed' and god knows what else is not.

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        Carolyn Dahl 12 months ago from Ottawa, Ontario

        Best of luck! I personally would NEVER use the internet to find a relationship ever again, but I know of a lady that it did work out for so I guess you never know!

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        Dorothy 13 months ago

        This is all true. I had a very bad experience and Strongly Testify it. Shall we start?

        #1. 3 years ago I signed up and I uploaded an ordinary picture of myself and yeah, I had zero or 1% interest and no messages at all. So I deactivated it.

        #2. I tried it for a 2nd time and uploaded the best picture and guess what in span of two weeks I received let's say 500+ Interest, Messages and Favorites! My email has never been productive until I used it in online dating site.

        Most of the comment that I received were:

        "you are pretty, just telling you that u are really pretty in case" 36 yrs old- Single,Handsome Guy from Canada

        "I like your pictures, you are kissable, cute"40 yrs old-Serious Guy/Dentist- Denmark

        "I like your photos all of them"-56 yrs old-Divorced

        "Are you a Model?"-anonymous with no picture


        Very flattering but the worse hasn't began yet.

        I'll choose the best of the best

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        Charismania 13 months ago

        I can relate to virtually all the points in this article. While I've only been on the online dating scene for three months now, I'm already nearing the suspicion that unless you have a sex first, [perhaps] relationship later and/or a generic personality, you're not going to get anywhere. Moreover, personally the profiles have rarely appealed. I don't know why but I've found a vast majority to be boring. Many of those that do bother to fill out their profiles tend to write similar, if not the same things. I've only come across a handful with some enthusing spirit but unfortunately, they've never responded when messaged [and no, it's nothing to do with my approach; I can converse fine].

        I've tried eHarmony, POF, Match and OKCupid. I've had a sum total of eight contacts. Two of them were moved communicationally from the site – by me – but in spite of their asking to meet up and wanting to 'chat', one never bothered contacting unless I did while the other hid behind spamming text messages and refused to speak over the phone, despite being the one to suggest it. In the other cases, I've been approached by people either significantly younger than me, who haven't been that interesting or have randomly blocked me after initiation. On top of that, some had been circulating the other dating sites simultaneously, which made me warier.

        I've since left my OKCupid open but I'm no longer actively searching. Instead, I'll go to or start some Meetups and social events. I don't think online dating is suitable for me.

      • Yannick Messaoud profile image

        Yannick Messaoud 14 months ago

        Online dating is also hell for a man, i have been online for a while now and its pretty discouraging, i am 44 i keep fit, i don't look half as bad and i get turned down by women who have nothing to offer. The people i have met lie about there appearance, they never ever look like there picture, i have been insulted by some, telling me that i am ugly, look older then my age and so on, i want a hot guy you are not a hot guy. What as this world come to. I was 10years with a women and she left me for her soul mate, faithful, took care of her and all. I have been single for 4 years now and meeting people at my age is not easy, the worst part is when i go out with friends i get hit on by 25y old women who think i am a military, i am build for my age close to 6 feet and 220 pounds. I have a good job my own place independent and to be honest i stop looking for a relationship, its been 4 years of frustration and i did try. If you want low self esteem then go online for a men that is the place, after that you look at yourself and start thinking that maybe you are the ugliest man on the planet and more. Post like this one make me realize that online might not be the place to meet. Most people over 40 want looks before anything else and worst most of the time they don't look that good either, i met women who post picture of them dated 10 15y and when you meet them they give you a hard time.

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        toddjnsn 15 months ago

        It's good to get a different perspective on the subject. I agree with the ones further down. But I'll break it down:

        #1: Relationship? Oh, sex!: Well, you'll find this in any singles spot, though. Online didn't invent it. In fact, at least thru online you can actually weed them out a little easier as more is shown than mingling at a singles joint.

        #2: Liar Liar: Well, same as above, to some degree. They're going to in real life among strangers at singles joints. However, you do have a point -- people are more readily to lie about some stuff to avoid being weeded by filters. But this is understandably due to another flaw -- #5! People are more Unnecessarily Judgemental online. Much of the time they're not deal breakers much more than you'll find IRL -- but they FEEL like they are, because YOU are being #5 as a judgement caller! :)

        #3: Long Distance: Yes, doesn't work. This is not pressured online whatsoever, so this is no flaw to online. Online has no allure for it. There's plenty of people in one's surrounding areas. IF anything, the mere OPTION to do so where someone will be moving in the near future -- it's an actual Positive.

        #4: Bolting Out of Dates: Yeah, but for you to fear that -- you must be a bad guy in #2. :) And yes, mySpace angled photos IS lying. So avoid that, have recent pics -- and you won't run into that Anymore than IRL dating.

        #5: Can't Be Yourself: Some can, and everyone can if you wish to lower your standards. Thing is, people are more judgemental online. Their tastes are more stringent. They assume the worst, with a hair trigger. You complain about it applied to you, but you apply it to others and Want to. BUT, yes, it IS a flaw of online.

        #6: Looks Over Persona: True. Looks hold greater weight. If they look like their pic, that IS something they can surely go by. Looks is #1 regardless, but people feel they're cheating themselves if they feel others feel they could at all "do better" in any way. Not everyone can see their resume & persona, but they can see their looks.

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        Lisa 15 months ago

        Thank you for the excellent article. I was considering online dating. You have saved me from a dreadful experience. Thank you very much. I will pass on the online dating experience. I will take my chances on meeting someone the old fashioned way like in our grandparents day. By the way I think you are beautiful, smart and very witty. Have an amazing year. Hold out for an awesome mature loving man. I believe they are out there.

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        Bill 16 months ago

        I mistakenly signed up for a site and have been bombarded with too many "check the out" messages in just 2 days. This isn't normal. I don't want to have this much thrown at me. In the past, you might meet 1 a week or less at a party or bar. I can deal with that. This is crazy.

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        Deco40 16 months ago

        It's nice to read that I'm not alone in being horrified at online dating. Some of us just don't get anything from viewing photos or reading texts and want to actually meet someone in the real world and get know a real-live person. Unfortunately, the online dating crap has oozed into the real world and made men think they can approach women in the real world the same way as online. They want to hook up immediately, have no conversational skills, act strangely and admit bizarre desires too readily (come on dudes, fantasy roleplaying isn't for everyone). Sadly, I think this social retardation and attempt at turning women into holes-on-demand are here to stay and women have really lost out on the best of men. I will definitely be buying a cat!

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        Trevor 16 months ago

        I tried it off and on for years after getting divorced and had zero success. It was very hard to get a date in the first place, maybe I would meet one woman out of a hundred messages sent if I were lucky. I was rarely attracted and the couple I liked didn't feel the same. It's such a waste of time compared to just screening for someone face to face when you know in a split second you're attracted and would like to go on a date. Finally after I gave up and got on with my life I met someone the old fashioned way who is beautiful and kind.

        The worst thing about online dating and social media is it's conditioning people to move online and creating social retardation. I tried chatting up a lot of ladies in public places and trying to line up some potential dates with no success and often they reacted like they were being hit on by an axe murderer. I've heard this from many other men. So people are being conditioned to meet online when it sucks and the old fashioned way of meeting is becoming less viable. The only people happy are the ones profiting from people trying in vain to meet someone online.

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        Iris 18 months ago


        I tried to get a partner "offline" but two years of trying didn't bring anything to me so I decided to go online. I am 20 years old. My online experience wasn't that great anyhow. But I have trouble meeting men offline. And by trouble , I mean, I don't meet men. I also don't have any friends who could introduce me to people or hang out with me somewhere. So.. idk I'm kinda depressed.

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        Lorri 18 months ago

        I so agree. I have met over 100 complete losers on line. Liars, married men, disgusting drunks and pigs. I am in my mid 50's and in pretty good shape, educated, own my own home, drive a sports car and most say funny and nice to be around. I get dates, but almost all of them were with men I would never consider in real life.

        I put forth an honest and open profile with recent pictures. I get lots of responses from foreign scam artists, men seeking sex and slimy creeps who look and speak like they just crawled out from under a rock. Unkept, and lonely old men pretending to me within my age range looking for arm candy or a caretaker. Men pretending to be rich and important while living in a trailer. On line dating may work for sad lonely people who stick to their own kind, but for the rest of us, its downright pathetic.

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        BB 20 months ago

        I have tried internet dating for years, only time I actually met and spent time with someone was 2 years with a BI-POLAR Gold digger. It took months for her to admit what she was and I originally believed I had settled in spite of having lots of money, half decent looks but the fatal flaw of having very low self esteem - very easy for her to walk all over me- she was in essence not really good looking which I felt was a good thing ..no guy was going to take her away but she was very practiced at being a predator. It's been 6 years since then...never recovered financially from paying for her home renovations but glad I left before I was bankrupt. I'm 60 plus and after raising my own 2 children alone I'm willing to stay alone .. I'm never willing to come to any woman's rescue no matter how convincing she is. I'm better alone and OK with that...stopped even looking since my trust is zero of any woman. So the online predators are not just GUYS.

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        Hanee 20 months ago

        A very well written article which capsulates beautifully the real essence of Internet dating. I have personally tried Internet dating several time, always on the recommendation of others (normally content couples who have no idea about the complexity of dating). Each time I have tried, I have always regretted it and felt that I was selling myself out and putting myself up for a fall. It's very soul distroying, particularly if you get no responses or the only responses are from sleazy, inappropriate individuals that send generic messages. It's unfortunately similar to a "meat market" where you are judged on your looks rather than on your merit.

        I find also that the prolonged emailing of a "potential match" is a bad idea as it allows you to formulate a picture of the individual, therefore, when you eventually meet in person, that individual does not live up to your expectation. It's similar to reading a book and formulating an image of the individual character, visualising how they look, act and sound. However, when watching the film adaption,that illusion maybe shattered when seeing the chosen actor. A classic example of this is the character Christian Grey.

        I think Internet dating has had it's day. The genuine, quality individuals that once used the site sppropriately have left and made way for trolls and sleazy individuals. Oh well, that's life.

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        Hanee 20 months ago

        A very well written article which capsulates beautifully the real essence of Internet dating. I have personally tried Internet dating several time, always on the recommendation of others (normally content couples who have no idea about the complexity of dating). Each time I have tried I have always regretted it and always felt that I was selling myself out and putting myself up for a fall. It's a little soul distroying, particularly if you get no responses or the only responses are from sleazy, older individuals that sent you a generic message. It's unfortunately similar to a "meat market" where you are judged on your looks rather than your merit

        I find also that the prolonged emailing of a "potential match" is a bad idea as it allows you to formulate a picture of the person and when you eventually meet in person, that individual does not live up to your expectation. It's like reading a book and visualising what the individual character would look and act like, and having that illusion shattered when you see the the film adaption where the actor is not what you visualised...for example Christian Grey

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        Merry 20 months ago

        It is scarier than loneliness. What if the nice person gets serious and it is hard to get away?

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        Joseph Dabon 22 months ago

        Good points. But online dating is not dating per se, but meeting someone who could exude the same vibrations as you. You don't immediately strip down to your undies to anyone you meet online.

        In fact meeting online is probably even a better way of getting to know each other before having and eyeball-to-eyeball.

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        Protago 23 months ago

        I've come to discover that online dating is a scam. If you've ever browsed the Craigslist personals, it isn't about dating; 99.99% of the posts are the most disgusting, despicable, but aggressively honest requests to hookup for quick sex. I've discovered that online dating is no different than Craigslist, but is the feminine version; that is, people go there to play games and develop experiences & seduction skills. It is the passive form of Craigslist.

        Where Craigslist is the left brained masculine aggressive ads of prostitution—dating sites are no different. They are the right brained feminine passive ads of prostitution. Craigslist is therefore about logic & blatant honesty, and getting off and doing it real quick & aggressive; dating sites are 99.99% the same kinds of sluts but they play with fantasy, the art of romance & dating. If you are a real person looking for real love, and you are unaware, you could enter into the world of fantasy hooking up and believe it to be reality—winding up raped, manipulated, and abused.

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        Nicole Kiddie Granath 23 months ago

        I agree with your hub to an extent, although I also agree with your point that there are exceptions. One of my best friends met her husband online and they have 2 daughters and a happy marriage. None of my online dating experiences turned into anything more than a few dates, though. I do have some pretty funny stories that came out of it. I ended up meeting my husband at church. In my experience, meeting online is tough because you don't have the benefit of mutual friends and acquaintances, etc, and I agree with you that people do often lie and misrepresent themselves. To each their own, I guess, but it wasn't the right path for me.

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        Rachel 23 months ago

        I agree with this article and it is spot on,get used to rejection and also being able to reject someone. I'm actually a pretty woman and in great shape my biggest hurdle is that I am conservative and yes most of these guys are looking for hookups. I state this in my profile and men still try, the worst is when they shame me and say I am no fun, I'm beginning to think men prefer whores.

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        Claire G. 23 months ago

        Those complaining about the people they find on dating sites should also look into their own behaviors, what they're writing in their profiles, how they're responding to people, and how their personal filters are working. I've always been able to find massively intelligent, kind, grounded, and real men online (OKCupid, mostly), as have many of my girlfriends. I'm married to one right now, as a matter of fact. I wrote him, which is not my usual style, but it sure as hell paid off in this instance. But it takes a lot of patience and you need to put out there what you want in return. I also agree with the author that getting addicted to it is hugely dangerous, just being addicted to FB, your iPhone, etc., is hugely dangerous.

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        Noel P 23 months ago

        Not all men are like what is described in this article. Nor are all women the cliches that are easy to think. The online dating thing without a single doubt works, as long as you are patient, don't take all the bullsh*t you'll encounter (I'd bet many of us who complain are also guilty of some of that bullsh*t, too) and know what to look out for.

        It's incredibly hard for men, as well, because the majority of women will not give you the time of day if you're under, say, 5'10", and/or don't make six figures. I'm a shorter guy, and all it takes is patience and trying to not get upset by how lame us humans can be. I don't put up how much I make (which is a lot) because it automatically helps weed out the women I would never want to date. Little things like that can help.

        Another way to make it work is to act in the way that you want OTHER people to act. I'm often surprised by profiles I read, then see the woman doing some of the very things she complains about guys doing. RESPOND to messages (the ones that aren't lame, obviously), be cool and friendly.

        Another is to not set up impossible expectations based on the false romantic tinsel that we all grow up on in this country of ours. Everyone -- Every. Single. Person. -- is flawed, and no relationship is perfect. Ever. That's not a bad thing at all; it's reality. Once you accept that, you have a better shot at both online dating and staying with someone you meet.

        People window shop forever online, which is the biggest problem with it. The way to make something positive happen is to actually meet people online IN PERSON, where online identities are no longer a mask. People also think that there's always something better than what they have, something better just around the corner. This is a basic human condition, unfortunately, but it can be worked around.

        I've had a few truly amazing relationships from women I met online. They didn't work out but we're all still friends, and there's no difference between the amount of breakups and divorces on the offline vs. the online world.

      • Erika Oquiana profile image

        Erika Oquiana 2 years ago from Bacolod City, Philippines

        Hi Rene,

        I'd been to different online sites since 2012, and on my first year of being in there lets say I did found a few real men, some of them are my good friends. But I am not looking for friends, I am looking for a Boyfriend, but all I got was false hope and scams and lies. So I minimize my logging in to the dating sites and on 2014 I met a guy. He is a nice guy and a member of a Christian Community. Though he is not into social media sites our communication is kind of old fashioned way. He sent me a post card last year for my birthday, and we still talked with each other until now through text message or email.

        I don't hope for the real one between us because I might get disappointed, if life favors one day and it will come true I will be greatful. But if not it will be fine with me. Love comes when you least expect it.

        Best regards,


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        David 2 years ago

        Online dating is poison.

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        michele 2 years ago

        I have been on 3 dating sites

        Eharmony, zoosk and rsvp

        All I found that fakes and play boys who have an agenda.

        Dating sites have too much hype.

        I have never found a good boyfriend.

        I run and own my own business and I study aswell but I always find a balance for a social life.

        I have always tried in relationships but it's usually after 2-3 months I truly find out who those men are truly like then it ends up in a break up because it was a lie.

        dating sites are just for playboys and users looking for money or a sex toy, not true love. Advertising of dating sites is bs and should check their members better.

      • LaughingRain profile image

        Alysia McAlister 2 years ago from Arizona

        this is a good article because it makes everybody think how the Internet has taken over our lives making it easy to meet others, not only in dating, but in business, etc. It's here to stay whether we want those changes it brings or not. So I'm glad to see all this conversation and wish more than 1 in 5 long lasting relationships were people meeting online. as old as I am (68) I sometimes long for the old fashioned way of meeting. it was called dating, and we women used to have car doors opened for us as a way to show the man had respect for us. I loved it. I loved the slow nurturing way of old fashioned dating. But times change and now we do internet dating. If you're expecting a text message, it's still a kind of "date." Not much chance of it coming to something long lasting though, if you cannot sit down across a table and look into a person's eyes and get to know them that way. No substitute for eye contact which can tell you all you need to know. If you go into the online dating thing, just know you're taking a chance and that the imagination is much more active than reality is. Nice looking people are not always as nice as they look on the outside and getting to know someone is not as easy as sending off a text message. Our society needs to be comfortable to be single or you can't be comfortable with someone else as well. and thanks, I wish you all the greatest love and fulfillment howsoever that looks for you.

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        jx64 2 years ago

        "Men" can do that in real life too... Most "men" in "real" life just want to hook up with a girl so he can bang her that same night. If it's such a concern, then why make it possible? In this day and age, technology has advanced rapidly, so why not use it? It's perfectly alright to go on Facebook using a smartphone, so why shouldn't it be ok to meet someone online and have a relationship with them? It sucks that you're apart, but from an emotional point of view, it can be life changing. If you arrange to meet up at some point, that would kick ass. In this day and age, it's not such a big deal. I met someone too that I'd like to meet.

        Doesn't matter if you meet in "real" life or not, what matters is that you trust each other and bond with one another.

      • Ask Jelly Baby profile image

        Jelly Baby 2 years ago from United Kingdom

        Hi Rene

        I wish I read this two years ago when I was going through a bad patch of dating online. Sadly where I live they are no men so the only choice I had was to go online. But after three disastrous meet ups I would never consider doing that again. I'm happier alone and if I'm destined to be alone then so be it. Excellent hub and very good valid points.

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        McKenna Meyers 2 years ago from Bend, OR

        Yes, it's still best to meet someone in the real world by doing something you enjoy -- playing golf, taking a cooking class, reading at the library, or performing in community theatre. Online dating definitely favors those who are attractive and extroverted. If you're an older women (40 plus), it's especially disheartening because the men your age want someone 20 years younger! Great hub.

      • LaurieMaxson profile image

        Laurie Maxson 3 years ago from AL

        Great article. I myself never tried the online dating scene but I think the bar scene was just as bad. I love what you shared about people always looking for "attractive" people. This tends to be how society rules the world. I think people are much more fascinating when they allow themselves to just be who they are. If you can't find people that want to be with you, do a self examination. If there are changes that better you, meaning, you ditch the negative thinking that drives people away, then make the change. Don't ever change who you are, just because you think you aren't good looking enough.

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        erinshelby 3 years ago from United States

        It's too bad that the guys who've had bad experiences with online dating can't somehow meet the ladies who've also had the same bad experiences online! Where can good single men and women find each other if they're not venturing online?

      • mithereal profile image

        mithereal 3 years ago from Tucson, AZ

        i agree most of your points are true, i have tried the online dating thing for YEARS, nothing but stuck up entitled women. i have been single for 12 years now never even got 1 date frm any dating site ive ever used!!! thousands of dollars expended and all the time wasted. basically put if your not a model, forget it, be single for life. im an introvert nothings gonna change that, i have a good career nothings gonna change that, i dont have time to date in person because im always working. its not that online changes your view of society, society is f***d up. Women stay with men that abuse them and treat them like shit, its almost as if they want that, id rather be single than date some ratchet masochest or some woman that thinks they're better than me because they got a lil money.

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        Ruth 3 years ago

        Ditto! Thanks for writing this article. Bottom line, online dating is not what it was when some of these commenters met their loves. If you have a brain and are not looking for a hookup online dating can damage your view of society. It would be nice if more people let the few good people that are seriously seeking relationships to get out of their houses and stop waiting for an email saying here I am. Great article! Thought you had read my mind.

      • lafleurdeplume profile image

        Sarah LaFleur 3 years ago from Chicago-land

        What an interesting take on this subject... I'm just beginning to forage my way into the world of dating again and I'm not really sure where to begin. I guess online sites are NOT the way to go huh?

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        Anish Kumar 3 years ago from Mundi Kharar, Mohali, Chandigarh, (Punjab)

        I think you are right..Online dating is a very bad idea. Almost everyone is fake.I always tried to stay away from online dating sites.

      • sonfollowers profile image

        sonfollowers 3 years ago from Alpharetta, GA

        I didn't blame you. :) I simply said that "if" this is true then... There are tons of people on these sites who are impatient and get bored with whatever "get to know you" strategy exists and want to quickly move to face to face. Others don't put effort into asking questions that might reveal something about the person's character and are more interested in how funny he is or whether or not he also likes to go hiking. This certainly can account for the negative experiences a person has had on dating sites. It's your job to figure out if that's you, not mine.

        Most people have difficulty honestly evaluating themselves to try to figure out how much of their negative experiences in life is something they can actually control and fix. It's easier to assume that "my divorce is 100% my wife's fault." Your hub does a good job pointing out some of the pitfalls we can bump into with online dating. I just don't think it's a very balanced assessment. The upside is that I don't think the majority of your readers are necessarily looking for a balanced assessment. Humans love to commiserate. In my opinion, sometimes what we need isn't what we want.

        I am simply sharing my opinion as others have. Thanks.

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        Carolyn Dahl 3 years ago from Ottawa, Ontario

        I'm sorry you feel that my hub is "arrogant." Considering it is the hub with the second highest visitor traffic of all my hubs, I guess people must like arrogant hubs. I do not write hubs to tell people what to do, they are free to do as they wish and even if I did, so what? People can make up their own minds. The point of this hub is to share my experiences with online dating that show the uglier side of it. I have a right to do that.

        I also find it interesting that you essentially blame me for my bad experiences. Did you read my profiles? Did you monitor my actions on these websites? Because if you did, then you would be qualified to judge my "efforts" and why I had the experience I did.

      • sonfollowers profile image

        sonfollowers 3 years ago from Alpharetta, GA

        RE: #1 "I thought you said sex"-

        There definitely are men online who are looking for an actual relationship. I was one of them. I met someone online and we are happily married now with 3 kids. I would argue that the quality of the candidates online is no worse than that found out in the "real world". Online sites give you an opportunity to vet the other person before you meet, which I found to be incredibly valuable. This works in your favor, because people who are just trying to have sex won't have the patience for significant back and forth emails or the wade in slowly model you find at eHarmony. If you're not putting effort into vetting your "candidates" then that may be a significant reason why your experience was so bad.

        RE: #s 2 and 4

        This is a great thing in disguise. In the dating world, the sooner you find out about a person's character flaws the better! When you catch one lying or being generally shallow or scummy, say "thank you" and walk away! They just did you a huge favor!

        RE: #5

        Instructions on how to write an interesting profile that catches someone's attention is not at all the same thing as instructions on how to be someone else. It's just not the same thing. If those instructions bleed into emails, phone calls, and face to face then that's problematic. If it just applies to making a good profile then what's the harm in that?

        General comments:

        Dating online is not for everyone. Rejection can certainly come at a pretty fast clip because you have so many more potential candidates. In a bar (or in life in general), you are rejected just as many times. You just don't see it or feel it. But, if you are the kind of person that recognizes that people walk away for all sorts of reasons including their own brokeness, you will be less affected by that and this model will work for you.

        My problem with this article is the message that online dating is for no one. I think this is a very arrogant statement. "Since it's not for me, it's not for them either." It's simply not true. It would be better to let people find their own path. I would rather see you share your experience without deciding for them what to do. Hopefully that makes sense.


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        wokkawokka 4 years ago

        I didn't ever lie in my profile and I actually do look like my pictures in "real life"… With that said is this…. (I'm a 31 year old male)

        It seems many women have a "cyber bubble ego". Meaning that if there not interested they won't message you back. Which is pretty rude, considering most women would NEVER deny you like that in real life, nor would they even get the amount of attention they are getting online once they step out there front door. It's a security complex of sorts. They like the attention there getting from guys.

        I'm 6'1' in very good shape. Masters degree, great job and have my life together well. The dates Ive been on were ALL jokes. Within the first 15 minutes the women were already lying about something. One said she was 28 years old, ended up being 35 years old and still married living with her husband. (no joke) The second one was indeed about 30-40 pounds heavier in person and was really 23 years old when she said she was 28.

        And lastly……… "The Serial Free meal Women Daters"….Go figure, meet this girl up for Sushi. She looked like her picture all was well. Planned on doing something after lunch. When the bill arrives she leaves to the bathroom for over 25 minutes (no joke) I end up paying the bill. She finally comes out and says "ooohhhh my girlfriend said she needs to meet up with me" I need to go to her house… Well she left her I-phone on the table and I could see her text messages as she was going through her purse. the text said "This is chris from OKC (OK Cupid) are we still on for today… Her text said "yeah I'm on my way now" WTF R U KIDDING ME?

        Online dating is a pathetic joke. Seems like it's for desperate people who are lazy in all honesty (being blunt)

        I realized the signs to finally remove myself from online dating and do it the real and right way. In person.

        Great article!

      • kirsa whitley profile image

        kirsa whitley 4 years ago from Charlotte

        while most of everything said is true, you do not have to be perfect to be perfect for someone ....and while chances are slim...I lucked up! good luck to you!

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        Dutchboy 4 years ago

        I have found online dating to be inconsistent and mostly frustrating. It's interesting how women who write so positively of themselves find themselves on these websites for months, if not years. For the person who is genuine, honest and is truly interested in finding ONLY one person, it's a daunting task. Women seem to love and thrive on all the attention and if they're narcissistic, well, they're in heaven. For the simple man hoping to meet someone, they have to 'compete' with numerous others for women who would normally not get all the attention in a non-online dating avenue. One women mentioned that she didn't like all the attention because she couldn't imagine the 30 guys standing in front of her at one time who emailed her that day alone! It's superficial and used by most men and women as an ego boast with artificial ramifications. All a woman has to do is place a pic with herself with puckered lips and wham-o, hundreds of idiots will comment. What is most hurtful is to find out that a women who you believed was only dating you, is still maintaining a profile and enjoying the attention. It's artificial and creates a false-sense of confidence thinking that just because many people view your profile or 'want to meet you' that you are now the talk of the town. I did meet a women online and dated for several months, only to find out that she still maintained an active profile and had over 150 emails present when she accidently shared a pic from an email on her account. Trust is everything in a relationship and with all the social media and tricks people play hiding information from those they are involved with, it's a nightmare being in the dating world of modern technology.

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        Orchid 4 years ago

        Just as you can meet a liar or a guy only looking for sex at a bar, work etc. Online is a bit of a minefield. People do lie or 'exaggerate' shall we say. I had dates where the guys said they were 'intelligent, tall, witty, charming, good looking, funny'. No they weren't! Some are just plain odd, never had girlfriends, they would have no chance in a bar, so you have to wonder why they are online.

        You would think it was easy, it does all the work for you pictures, interests, no awkward opening line. But guys mess around too. Some endlessly view your profile, don't have any text or pictures, wink or don't make the first move. Then you exchange and couple of emails and they disappear! On their profiles they state they are looking for an interesting, intelligent & funny. Erm hello!

        You want to look attractive and interesting, guys just make smutty comments or ask you out for a drink without really getting to know you. Frustrating at times. Shame there isn't a way to filter less serious people. Especially when you are paying for the privilege. I'm a smart, attractive, funny, easy going, brunette with a lot to offer, but I don't get that much attention. Guess guys are going for the younger, easy blonde bimbo types. I am looking for a relationship not sex or casual. What has happened to men I wonder?

      • renegadetory profile image

        Carolyn Dahl 4 years ago from Ottawa, Ontario

        Excuse me, but I didn't choose to meet up with someone to have a one-night stand... that was their idea even though these men had claimed they wanted a long-term relationship which is why I messaged them to start with. Does a woman ask to be raped? Don't be ridiculous. I am not blaming men, but rather warning women that not everything is as it seems on these dating sites based on my own personal experience.

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        good_tip 4 years ago

        renegadetory, the reason you had bad experience is because of the choices you made, don't blame it on "men being like that"...don't deny that you went for the good looks and ignored the average looking nice guys.

        Men do that too, they go for the hotties and complain they don't get responses. Both genders are at fault.

      • renegadetory profile image

        Carolyn Dahl 4 years ago from Ottawa, Ontario

        Sorry to hear about your experience Linda, but even when you meet the old fashioned way, you still need to be wary until you feel certain you know the other person well!

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        Linda 4 years ago

        WoW ! Girl ..You are spot on with every observation you've made. I have experienced ALL of that and more with on-line dating websites.

        I have done the long-distance thing and ended up discovering down the road that "my boyfriend" was "dating" 5 other women long-distance , as well as sleeping with several women living in close proximity to him , all while LIVING with a woman !!! He's what I would sall a SOCIOPATH since he had no qualms about lying to ALL of us and felt no sense of guilt or remorse about any of it. Thank You for the best & most truthful & insightful blog I have ever read about the subject. I am for meeting the "old fashioned way" .......

      • dashingscorpio profile image

        dashingscorpio 4 years ago

        It's not where you meet but (who) you meet that counts!

        I met my wife online 6 years ago. In fact it's reported that 1 in 5 new relationships began online. Online dating is just another option or tool for meeting new people. The internet did not invent liars and cheaters! The same people you'd meet online also go to the grocery store, beaches, parks, concert halls, nightclubs, universities, malls, and churches.

        To blame online dating for one's bad experiences would the equivalent of an obese person blaming a (knife & fork) for their weight gain! At the end of the day (you) are responsible for the choices you make. Don't blame the tool!

        Another common mistake people make is they assume all dating sites are the same. That's like believing staying at a Motel 6 is the same as staying at The Ritz Carlton hotel because they both offer cable TV and have beds. You have to do your research. Avoid the "free" or super cheap sites if you want to increase your odds of meeting a "quality" person.

        Last but not least take your time and get to know people. Use the same commonsense you'd use with meeting a stranger anywhere else.

      • HaileyAdams profile image

        Hailey 4 years ago

        Ok so you think that there are liars only online, and that there are no liars in real life? Liars are everywhere. Have you tried a dating site ? you won't find any model like picture there, all pictures are of poor quality, and if you want to see a person before to actually meet up, there is a video chat option.

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        debbierl 4 years ago

        It's a tool. It works for some, not for others. If your ego is fragile, I suppose it is not the best avenue to meet a potential partner. I never really was vested in how a date turned out. Just tried to be open. I had a couple of nice dates. One guy decided to go home and take a nap when I told him I didn't do casual sex. The dates turned out that there was no mutual interest, or the guy was interested but I was not.

        A couple of guys lied about their height. I am an attractive woman and in good shape, so I was in pretty high demand. But, I didn't meet anyone who was a good fit. Although, a couple of the guys were really nice, and one will most likely remain my friend. If you truly don't go in with the agenda that this HAS to be 'the one' and you can not get caught up in fantasy and just meet people, it is fine.

        Ultimately, I ended up getting back together with my ex boyfriend (neither of us ever got over the other), so my experiment with on-line dating came to an end.

        I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss it. It is just another way to meet a person, and if you aren't in an area or profession where it is easy to meet people, it can work.

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        CJ Sledgehammer 4 years ago

        I've never felt the need for it, but I understand what you are saying. By the same token, perhaps I should stay away from Hubpages as well? :0)

      • renegadetory profile image

        Carolyn Dahl 4 years ago from Ottawa, Ontario

        Best stay away from online dating then :-)

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        CJ Sledgehammer 4 years ago

        There is no room in my life for liars or deceivers. Life's just too short for that kind of enterprise. - C.J.

      • renegadetory profile image

        Carolyn Dahl 4 years ago from Ottawa, Ontario

        Actually, many women tend to put younger, thinner photos of themselves up... being very deceitful to possible suitors. I've talked to men who have had these experiences, and I asked them what the women said after they saw that clearly the woman lied about her weight, age, etc. They told me that these women thought that maybe the guys could get past their appearance and like them based on the conversations they had previously (or something along those lines). Sadly, nobody likes being lied to and the fact that the guy had been lied to on something as important and woman's appearance, it's no wonder guys get equally discouraged from using these sites.

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        CJ Sledgehammer 4 years ago

        Dear Renegadetory:

        I have never done the online dating thing so I am not sure what goes on there. I'll just ask because I do not know: do women submit their photograph on these sites? If they do, I bet it is their very best one.

        Men are visual creatures and most of them are short-sighted enough to choose a woman based solely upon her physical beauty. Knowing the fairer sex as I do...they are already well aware of this, but it seems they often play along and throw the dog a bone anyway.

        Perhaps women should use an avatar instead of their real photo to force men into seeing what they're really about. Force a man to fall in love with their words, thoughts, character, and spirit. When the time is right, reward him with a photograph and see where that goes. Just a thought. :0)

        In His love - C.J. Sledgehammer

      • renegadetory profile image

        Carolyn Dahl 4 years ago from Ottawa, Ontario

        All men certainly do not think the same way, but you've never been a woman on these dating websites and experienced what I have... as a woman, I can firmly say that most men on these dating sites are really just looking to hook up and not have a relationship, but not all of course.

      • passthejelly profile image

        Mark Passarelli 4 years ago from Lakewood Colorado

        I don't think it is fair to assume that all men think the same way. It is a very cynical approach. Although some may think that I don't believe that all do. Other than that you made some really valid points. Maybe online dating and online relationships don't work. Thanks!

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        CatieMay 4 years ago

        Wow! You really nailed it with this article from the men thinking we're all there for a hook-up to the disappointment if there's not instant chemistry. It's quite tragic really because ultimately men are passing on women who are a really great catch!

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        CJ Sledgehammer 5 years ago

        Thanks, R.T.!!! I pray that I never let you down and that I will be a source of strength and inspiration for you in the days to come. :0)

        Blessings to you and yours - C.J. Sledgehammer

      • renegadetory profile image

        Carolyn Dahl 5 years ago from Ottawa, Ontario

        CJ, it can be a good thing and a bad thing to trust people too soon and to always try to see the good in people, I know because I tend to fall into that category as well.

        Thank you so much for your kind words, I truly appreciate them! I will certainly follow you as well!

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        CJ Sledgehammer 5 years ago

        Dear Tory:

        A well-written and thought-provoking work of art. You gave us all wise words to live by...I only wish I had read this sooner. I tend to be a trusting soul, but have had the "hard slap of reality" applied to my tender face on more than one occasion.

        In other news.......

        I signed on to "follow" you just now, thinking I already had a while ago. For some reason the silly follow button would not allow me to leave you fan mail. That being the case, I just wanted to say that I appreciate your perspectives and want to thank you for all your classy comments and Hubs. You are a breath of fresh air.

        Peace be with you and yours - C.J. Sledgehammer

        P.S. I am not sure if "following" a man is a violation of your personal policy, but if you ever want to take a walk of the wild side by following a man...I will reserve a seat of honor at my fire, especially for you. :0)

        P.S.S. Voted up, interesting, useful and downright awesome!!!

      • renegadetory profile image

        Carolyn Dahl 5 years ago from Ottawa, Ontario

        Thank you epigrmman, those are really kind words and I appreciate your input! Life experience can be very valuable, whether that experience is good or bad, sometimes I find the bad experience to be the most valuable! I would sure love some warm weather here in Ottawa, it's a little cool for me, and I like it warmer.

      • epigramman profile image

        epigramman 5 years ago

        Hello my fellow Canadian from Colin and his cats Little Miss Tiffy and Mister Gabriel at lake erie time ontario canada 12:57pm and I can see why your hub score is at a lofty status of 100.

        You are a world class writer who deserves to have her own 'advice' column in a daily newspaper online or off. Thank you for your profound and truthful words here and yes I've been there done that so to speak but experience is the essence of life isn't it - You would have to travel that road in order to know exactly what it all means.

        Love your style and the effort that you put into this hub presentation - Canadians rock here at Hubpages, eh, lol.

        Sending you warm wishes and good energy and how has your winter been? Spring is definitely here now I would say.

      • rainpurplewine profile image

        Elizabeth 5 years ago from ATLANTA,Ga

        Yes, a lot of people do live double lives online. Some people just want to hook-up or escape their boring existence. However, the truth of the matter is those same creeps that are sitting behind their computer, could just as easily be met at a coffee shop or any other place. You have to be careful no matter where you meet people these days. Great hub!

      • renegadetory profile image

        Carolyn Dahl 5 years ago from Ottawa, Ontario

        I think you have articulated what many women out there are feeling with regards to online dating. I too believe that the old fashioned way of meeting people is still the best! Good luck to you!

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        igaveup 5 years ago

        I am an attractive 58 yr old woman who works full time with a lucrative carrier, no baggage, no debt, basically can honestly say, "have quite a bit going for me". I have tried 4 different online dating sites. The results were all the same. The men were liars, needed, looking for sex, just plain clueless......need I go on? It has been the most depressing and unpleasant experience of my life. I use to feel pretty good about myself until I started this phoney excuse for finding a meaningful relationship. I have decided I would rather be alone than spend more than half a day with any of the many men I met. A total waste of time and energy. I used to really trust and believe in people being inately good; however, that has changed. I feel like Iwas in a comma for5 the last 25 years and woke up to a world I no longer know. What has happened to men? They ar not like the man as I remember him in my dating years prior to getting married in 1989. These dating sites are making someone very rich at the cost of peoples emotional health and finances. My opinion is it is the biggest rip off of the melinium. For thos who haven't tried, don't bother...If you are lonely like me, and miss having a menaingful relationship with the opposite sex, take my advise. Get out, do what you love to do, be happy with who you are and leave it to fate. So many scammers and losers out there. Not worth the time or money!!!!!

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        Strawberry Angel 5 years ago

        I met my husband online 3 yrs ago. and we've been married 3 months and I've never been happier in my life. We we're lucky that we only lived an hour apart so we got to meet and date in real life very quickly.

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        ivy 6 years ago

        BUll's Eye ! no matter how true you said about yourself, you would never know if the other party is saying the truth as well..and personality rarely takes u places in this so-called world of online relationships.

        i tried this one and i got badly broken. stupid of me to think it would work out when it was all just " online".. lol

        COngratualtions it worked out for u :)

      • Ben Zoltak profile image

        Ben Zoltak 7 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA

        Loved this bit...

        "It makes no difference what category you put your profile, you could put it in "frigid prudes from hell" and men will still assume you must want to hook up."

        Pure hilarity, unfortunately because it's true. I tried the online thing twice when I was single. Both times the gals turned out to be quite different looking than I thought they would, both times I really didn't have a physical connection, but went on the date anyway because I was a lonely single dad and only had time to work or hang out with my 7/8 year old daughter. It's a long story, but her mom was out of the picture, so I didn't have any time or space to meet women in the regular avenues, at work or otherwise. I thought this might make me some sort of commodity or something! But most women seemed very turned off by a dude with a kid, except for the two single moms I did go out on dates with. The booty call thing, well, that's different, and it's too bad there can't be more separation because there are a few lonely men out there who are/were looking for real companionship. But as you observe, I think they are mostly in a slim minority.

        Another intriguing piece, you've distracted me from a nap so that show's your writing is worth it's salt renegadeT !



      • renegadetory profile image

        Carolyn Dahl 7 years ago from Ottawa, Ontario

        I think it's wonderful that it worked out for you and your husband! I met my husband the old fashioned way, but his older brother met his current girlfriend over the internet and they have been dating for over 5 years now and live together.

      • M Selvey, MSc profile image

        M Selvey, MSc 7 years ago from United Kingdom

        Excellent hub! Your points are so true! I met my husband online and we consider ourselves very lucky that it worked out so well. We know of countless stories where it has not worked out well for the very reasons that you listed. It can work but it requires the rare combination of people looking for the same thing and both having courage to be themselves and a solid sense of integrity -neither of which being very easy to find.