Why You Can't Keep a Man: 25 Things Women Do to Chase Guys Away

Updated on March 8, 2018
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Our lives are made infinitely richer by our relationships. I love finding ways to strengthen them at home, at work, and with friends.

25 Things Women Do to Chase Men Away

Your friends know why you can't keep a man but are too scared to say the truth.
Your friends know why you can't keep a man but are too scared to say the truth. | Source

We all know women who ask questions without wanting truthful answers. “Do I look fat in this dress?” is something a gal says to her boyfriend, seeking reassurance or fishing for a compliment. The last thing she wants to hear is anything resembling an honest response such as: “Yes, you look like a ton of lard in that.”

Similarly, when a single woman laments to her circle of friends, “Why can't I keep a boyfriend?” she's not wanting a well thought out, constructive reply. Instead, she's looking for unconditional support and comforting words from her posse: “There's a lot of losers at there...It's them, not you...and Don't give up hope. Some day your prince will come.”

But, as a pal to many single ladies, I'd love the chance to tell them what I really think without losing their friendship. I see so many of them making the same mistakes and, if they could accept the brutal truth and change their behavior, men would enter their orbit and never leave. Here are 25 things women do to chase men away:

1.Telling the same stories over and over again. Some women fall in love with their own narrative and never tire of telling their tales. Hearing them over and over again leaves a guy feeling trapped and and wanting to escape.

2. Asking for advice but never taking it. A woman who asks her boyfriend for advice makes him feel needed and valued. When she never follows it, he winds up feeling duped and used.

3. Never resolving problems. Some women marinate in their issues – an on-going battle with a co-worker, an unresolved conflict with the landlord, a festering dispute with the neighbor. Men find this maddening because they see a problem as something to get solved and put to rest.

4. Thinking negatively. Hanging out with a gloomy girlfriend saps a man of his energy. Eeyore may be cute in small doses, but he's no fun to hang out with for extended periods.

5. Being catty about other women. A boyfriend might laugh when his lady makes mean-spirited remarks about other women, but he also makes mental notes. He knows that same cruelness can get turned on the women he loves: his mother, his sisters, and his female friends.

6. Talking without thinking. A woman who says whatever pops into her head is spontaneous and amusing. But a wise man sees her as dangerous and unpredictable. When looking for a life partner and future mother of his children, he wants someone who has the good sense to think before she speaks.

7. Overpowering him with words. A loquacious woman with an ample vocabulary can outdo her boyfriend in a war of words. He just wants some downtime after battling traffic on the highways and struggling with deadlines at work.

Acting Like a Princess Attracts a Man But Doesn't Keep Him

A woman who wants to be treated like a princess will always find her man coming up short.
A woman who wants to be treated like a princess will always find her man coming up short. | Source

8. Acting like a princess. Life is filled with obstacles. A man wants a woman who can handle its challenges and doesn't need to get rescued.

9. Being fiscally irresponsible. A woman who's bogged down with credit card debt and student loans raises red flags for a man. If he sees her always buying new clothes and going out to fancy restaurants, he'll probably bail.

10. Talking too much about pets. People love their dogs and cats and it's easy to get carried away with enthusiasm for them. But listening to a woman obsessing over her animals is mind-numbing.

11. Being rude to servers in restaurants. An astute man pays attention to how his date treats the staff at a restaurant. If she's demanding and inconsiderate with no understanding of how hard they work, he knows she's not for him.

12. Wearing slutty clothes. Decent men want a woman who dresses modestly in public and has good taste and style. Only insecure guys need a woman to dress like a whore in public.

13. Mothering him. Guys want only one maternal figure in their lives. When you offer advice about their eating habits, wardrobe, and manners, they start to see you as an overbearing parent and not a loving partner.

A Man Only Needs (and Wants) One Mother

There's nothing less appealing and less sexy than a girlfriend who acts like a mother.
There's nothing less appealing and less sexy than a girlfriend who acts like a mother. | Source

14. Putting words in his mouth. Men like to speak for themselves. When a girlfriend talks for him, he feels emasculated and controlled.

15. Nitpicking his appearance. If a guy has a small stain on his tie or scuff marks on his shoes, he doesn't want it pointed out by his girlfriend. It's annoying and makes him feel like he'll never measure up to her lofty standards.

16. Always arriving late. A woman who's constantly tardy is putting her cards on the table. She's telling the man that her time is more precious than his and always will be.

17. Never reading a book. A woman who gets her news from Facebook and thinks good literature is People magazine is not intellectually stimulating. She's fun in the short term but not a keeper.

18. Dropping the “f” bomb. If you watch comics on stage or go to raunchy movies, you might get the idea that the “f” word has become normalized. It hasn't. Men want a woman with a more sophisticated vocabulary.

19. Paying little attention to current events. A woman who knows little about politics, race relations, world events, and climate change might seem like a breath of fresh air at first – fun and flighty. But, in the long run, men want substance.

20. Abandoning her own interests and hobbies. A man is attracted to a woman who has passions that keep her busy and energized. When she gives them up to spend more time with him, he feels more cornered than flattered.

21. Trying to change him. When a woman becomes involved with a man, she is taking him “as is.” No man wants to be seen as a fixer-upper.

22. Not being ambitious. This doesn't mean you own a million dollar business or are running for Congress. It simply means you have goals – running a marathon, earning a master's degree, planting a vegetable garden – and have the drive to pursue them.

23. Giving the silent treatment. An intelligent man knows communication is key to a successful relationship. Going quiet ends the conversation. It's immature and abusive.

24. Being too judgmental. If you're not hitched, it's easy to criticize a couple's marriage. If you don't have kids, it's a piece of cake to knock a friend's parenting. Being faultfinding makes you seem high and mighty and men find it a total turn off.

25. Having no sense of humor. Life is hard enough and made ten times harder by spending time with a woman who has no sense of humor. You don't have to be able to do a stand-up routine. You just need a good healthy lighthearted perspective on the craziness of this world.

© 2017 McKenna Meyers


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    • CatherineGiordano profile image

      Catherine Giordano 6 months ago from Orlando Florida

      You present a very good list of behaviors we all should try to avoid. They not only apply to boyfriends, but to all aspects of life. Even men can learn something from this list.

    • letstalkabouteduc profile image

      McKenna Meyers 6 months ago from Bend, OR

      Thanks, Bill. I think the women who need to read this the most won't. A person really needs to be in the right place - mentally and emotionally - to see their negative behaviors and change. It's not easy.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 6 months ago from Olympia, WA

      Well that was a fascinating read. Truthfully, I was going to skim through it, but you hooked me early on and then I couldn't stop. I love your blunt honesty. I wonder how many will take it to heart? Sometimes the hardest person to face is ourselves.

    • letstalkabouteduc profile image

      McKenna Meyers 6 months ago from Bend, OR

      dashingscorpio, you are the relationship guru and I appreciate your thoughtful comments. You're so right. One needs to be a strong, confident person in their own right so they can attract a similar mate. Don't go into a relationship thinking you'll change your partner or your partner will change you.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 6 months ago

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      The number one reason why relationships fail is because people (choose) the wrong mate for themselves!

      Everyone has their own mate selection process/must haves list.

      The goal is to find someone where you both can "be yourselves" and be love and appreciated for it.

      Compatibility trumps compromise.

      Most men initially look for three things.

      1. Physical attributes (Beauty is in the eye of the beholder)

      2. Easy going/approachable personality not standoffish.

      3. Similar sense of humor.

      Everyone has their own boundaries and "deal breakers".

      Without a doubt there are women with one or a few of the traits mentioned who managed to not only hold onto a boyfriend but to have the man marry them!

      There is no such thing as a "universal deal breaker".

      Whatever you or I could come up with there are people living in relationships under those conditions who have no plans to go anywhere!

      In a world with over (7 Billion) people maybe there really is someone for everyone! The challenge is to find them! :)

      When we change our circumstances change.

      However we must really want to change and not use "bait and switch" tactics to win someone over only to later reveal our true selves. That's another way to lose a mate!