5 Tips for Dating Over 40

Updated on August 13, 2016
Richard-Bivins profile image

Richard is a professional writer and author. When he's not creating, he's actively pursuing his goal of becoming a handsome billionaire.

The Over 40 Dating World

Life happens, and sometimes you find yourself in your 40‘s, single again, hopeless, wondering if you made the right life choices. Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t but you can’t change the past, you can only move forward. Dating over 40 is not that scary if you think about it.

You’ve made it this far so you must be doing something right. Except, you’re over 40 and you either haven’t found the right person yet, or the person you thought was right turned out to be a dud. Whatever the case, people who start relationships after 40 usually stay in those relationships for the rest of their lives, so that is something to look forward to.

I won’t lie to you, dating after 40 is much harder than it was when you were 25. The scene is different, the expectations are different, not only is the world different, but most importantly, you are different.

Below are 5 tips that will help you in your quest for dating over 40.

The only mountain to climb when dating after 40 is the one built on your own fear.
The only mountain to climb when dating after 40 is the one built on your own fear. | Source

If you're dating after 40, where do you look?

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Stay Fit over 40
Stay Fit over 40 | Source

Know Yourself

Know yourself and be happy in your own skin. You can try to go to the gym, lose a few pounds, buy some new clothes and make the appearance of creating a new you, but what’s the point? Don’t get me wrong, being fit, healthy, and looking good can help you rise above the crowd but if you don’t stick to it then you’re working against yourself. You know your routine, the foods you like, the styles you enjoy; so stick to what you know and be happy with it. Embrace who you are and then you will have the confidence that is going to be needed in today’s dating scene.

Be Happy over 40
Be Happy over 40 | Source

Know Your Goal

Know what you are looking for. Don’t be guided by what your 20 year old alter ego wanted in a relationship. Some people think, “I’ve waited this long, I can hold out until I meet my exact match.” Well, those people are still looking. I’m not suggesting you lower your standards, I’m suggesting that it’s time to be realistic. If you desire a lasting and meaningful relationship then it is time to drop your list of “must haves” and replace it with some thought of how a potential partner is going to treat you and make you feel.

New relationships deserve new bags.
New relationships deserve new bags. | Source

Lose the Baggage

Check your baggage at the door. Nobody wants to start a relationship with someone still living in the past. If you’re seeking someone your own age then it’s likely that you share some similar experiences, such as a failed marriage, or health issues and its tempting to bond on those issues but bonding on a negative is like walking with two left feet. Similarly, leave the anger issues you have with your ex where they belong. Don’t assume the person you are trying to bond with has ulterior motives, those are seeds that grow only to wreck relationships. Start off with trust. Trust yourself.

Ask a lot of questions and remember your concerns.
Ask a lot of questions and remember your concerns. | Source

Question Everything

Vet your potential date before you agree to meet. In today’s world, it is most likely that you will be meeting your potential dates online through some sort of dating service like Match.com or eHarmony. A natural progression would be: first a few emails, then phone calls, then an in-person meet up. If you’re given an unusual specific time to call then that should signal a red flag. If you are having phone conversations and the other person does most of the talking, that too should signal a red flag. Conversations should be 50/50 and if the other person is dominating the conversation it’s likely they would try to dominate the relationship. Only agree to a first time in person meet at a public place. This is where the conversation should ignite some sparks. No sparks, no chemistry, no second date.

You're searching for quality not quantity so take all the time you need.
You're searching for quality not quantity so take all the time you need. | Source

Don't Rush

Take it slow. There is no rush to jump into a new relationship. A physical relationship is a natural progression. After 40, the anxiety over getting physical is an outdated reaction to seeking a casual encounter. Misinterpreting lust for love is when trouble starts. People over 40 have more casual encounters with less guilt than our 20 year old alter egos did. That is because we know the quality of sex is more important than the frequency of sex in a healthy relationship. Just remember, there is no reason to reach this progression of a relationship if there was no chemistry in the first dates.

40 and Single

Those of us in the over 40 and single crowd know all too well how important it is to find the right person instead of the right now person. We’re looking for something that we can’t provide for ourselves, companionship. Most of us are mid to late career people, who just don’t have the patience to play games. We’re looking for sincerity and honesty and we have spent our lives weeding out those that just don’t live up to our expectations. Communicating these expectations is where we fall short, but when we’re in, we’re all in.

Share Your Dating Over 40 Experiences

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    • Kristen Howe profile image

      Kristen Howe 

      5 years ago from Northeast Ohio

      Since I'll be 40 next year, this was a great hub with interesting and helpful tips who are in their 40s and want a second shot for romance. Voted up!

    • Richard-Bivins profile imageAUTHOR

      Richard Bivins 

      5 years ago from Charleston, SC

      Thanks Sondra... I experiment a bit on the placement of the first image but the first image is always a Made for Pinterest image which makes it great for pinning and sharing on other social networks, even if you're not doing the sharing. I try to put an image or something side by side with a text module in order to keep it from looking too long to read. Polls and videos can be added if they add value to the content.

    • TIMETRAVELER2 profile image

      Sondra Rochelle 

      5 years ago from USA

      I like the layout of this article as well as the way you produced the content. It looks so...clean! I can see I need to do some work on mine!

    • Richard-Bivins profile imageAUTHOR

      Richard Bivins 

      5 years ago from Charleston, SC

      Suzanne, you're right about the quality of conversation you would have with people on Facebook or worse, Craigslist. The sites like Match and eHarmony charge a pretty hefty fee to be a member but at least the fee weeds out the less serious types. Funny too how pick up lines that might have worked in our late teens and early 20's are just corny and ridiculous now.

    • Suzanne Day profile image

      Suzanne Day 

      5 years ago from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

      Some very useful points here. I have tried joining some singles groups on Facebook, but they are full of sad old men who seem to want a right now person. Sick of people trying to have a conversation along the lines of "I'm a football player, wanna meet up?" Time to look at quality alternatives, like eHarmony or something. Voted useful and +d on WTH?

    • Richard-Bivins profile imageAUTHOR

      Richard Bivins 

      5 years ago from Charleston, SC

      Thank you Colleen.. I tried to add from my own experiences.

    • Colleen Swan profile image

      Colleen Swan 

      5 years ago from County Durham

      Some good advice. When one is searching, other peoples experience is always helpful.

    • thomasczech profile image


      6 years ago from Canada

      great hub, voted up.

    • Richard-Bivins profile imageAUTHOR

      Richard Bivins 

      6 years ago from Charleston, SC

      Thank you Billy but to be fair, I'm not exactly a newcomer here at HP. This is a new account for sure but I am also writing under the pen of LiveWithRichard. Following in the steps of jimmythejock, I have decided to try my luck with an entirely new profile so that I can examine a particular niche. Working with 4 years of collective knowledge should be able to skyrocket this profile past my original profile in a short time.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      6 years ago from Olympia, WA

      A pleasant surprise from a newcomer here at HP...a well-constructed and well-written hub. Nice job, Richard. As for dating over 40, been there, done that, and found the love of my life in the process. Great tips!

    • Richard-Bivins profile imageAUTHOR

      Richard Bivins 

      6 years ago from Charleston, SC

      Thank you nichellewebster. I think they fit just right too.

    • nichellewebster profile image

      Nichelle Webster 

      6 years ago from Silicon Valley

      The photos are funny and on-point. I love them.

    • Richard-Bivins profile imageAUTHOR

      Richard Bivins 

      6 years ago from Charleston, SC

      Thank you jabelufiroz for the visit and the comment.

    • jabelufiroz profile image


      6 years ago from India

      Great article on dating over 40. Voted up.


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