5 Tips for Dating Over 40
The Over 40 Dating World
Life happens, and sometimes you find yourself in your 40‘s, single again, hopeless, wondering if you made the right life choices. Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t but you can’t change the past, you can only move forward. Dating over 40 is not that scary if you think about it.
You’ve made it this far so you must be doing something right. Except, you’re over 40 and you either haven’t found the right person yet, or the person you thought was right turned out to be a dud. Whatever the case, people who start relationships after 40 usually stay in those relationships for the rest of their lives, so that is something to look forward to.
I won’t lie to you, dating after 40 is much harder than it was when you were 25. The scene is different, the expectations are different, not only is the world different, but most importantly, you are different.
Below are 5 tips that will help you in your quest for dating over 40.
If you're dating after 40, where do you look?
Know yourself and be happy in your own skin. You can try to go to the gym, lose a few pounds, buy some new clothes and make the appearance of creating a new you, but what’s the point? Don’t get me wrong, being fit, healthy, and looking good can help you rise above the crowd but if you don’t stick to it then you’re working against yourself. You know your routine, the foods you like, the styles you enjoy; so stick to what you know and be happy with it. Embrace who you are and then you will have the confidence that is going to be needed in today’s dating scene.
Know Your Goal
Know what you are looking for. Don’t be guided by what your 20 year old alter ego wanted in a relationship. Some people think, “I’ve waited this long, I can hold out until I meet my exact match.” Well, those people are still looking. I’m not suggesting you lower your standards, I’m suggesting that it’s time to be realistic. If you desire a lasting and meaningful relationship then it is time to drop your list of “must haves” and replace it with some thought of how a potential partner is going to treat you and make you feel.
Lose the Baggage
Check your baggage at the door. Nobody wants to start a relationship with someone still living in the past. If you’re seeking someone your own age then it’s likely that you share some similar experiences, such as a failed marriage, or health issues and its tempting to bond on those issues but bonding on a negative is like walking with two left feet. Similarly, leave the anger issues you have with your ex where they belong. Don’t assume the person you are trying to bond with has ulterior motives, those are seeds that grow only to wreck relationships. Start off with trust. Trust yourself.
Vet your potential date before you agree to meet. In today’s world, it is most likely that you will be meeting your potential dates online through some sort of dating service like Match.com or eHarmony. A natural progression would be: first a few emails, then phone calls, then an in-person meet up. If you’re given an unusual specific time to call then that should signal a red flag. If you are having phone conversations and the other person does most of the talking, that too should signal a red flag. Conversations should be 50/50 and if the other person is dominating the conversation it’s likely they would try to dominate the relationship. Only agree to a first time in person meet at a public place. This is where the conversation should ignite some sparks. No sparks, no chemistry, no second date.
Take it slow. There is no rush to jump into a new relationship. A physical relationship is a natural progression. After 40, the anxiety over getting physical is an outdated reaction to seeking a casual encounter. Misinterpreting lust for love is when trouble starts. People over 40 have more casual encounters with less guilt than our 20 year old alter egos did. That is because we know the quality of sex is more important than the frequency of sex in a healthy relationship. Just remember, there is no reason to reach this progression of a relationship if there was no chemistry in the first dates.
40 and Single
Those of us in the over 40 and single crowd know all too well how important it is to find the right person instead of the right now person. We’re looking for something that we can’t provide for ourselves, companionship. Most of us are mid to late career people, who just don’t have the patience to play games. We’re looking for sincerity and honesty and we have spent our lives weeding out those that just don’t live up to our expectations. Communicating these expectations is where we fall short, but when we’re in, we’re all in.