5 Things a Woman Should Avoid Doing If She Wants to Attract a Man

Updated on February 22, 2019
letstalkabouteduc profile image

Living in a male-dominated home, I've become hyper-aware of the things women do that are a big turn-off to guys.

  • Are you getting ghosted by guys but don't know why?
  • Do your friends all say "it's him, not you," but you're beginning to doubt it?
  • Do you want a long-term relationship but get rejected before it ever materializes?

If shaking your head yes, you need to take a hard look at what you're doing to repel guys rather than attract them. Your girlfriends aren't going to tell you the truth but I will!

Do Your Behaviors Attract Men or Repel Them?

For the past 17 years, I've been the lone female in a household of guys. Living with my husband and two sons has resulted in me adopting many traits that are stereotypically male. I rarely talk about my feelings, never gossip, and aim to keep my conversations straight and to the point. I no longer have time and patience for drama like I once did when surrounded by chicks. When I interact with a woman, I now see things from a man's point of view. This ability has turned me into a sought-after advisor for my girlfriends who are out in the dating world. To guide them and others, I offer 5 things women should avoid doing if they want to attract men, not repel them.

Men are problems solvers who get frustrated when women keep talking about their issues without resolving them.
Men are problems solvers who get frustrated when women keep talking about their issues without resolving them. | Source

1. Keep Bringing Up the Same Old Unresolved Problems

I was talking to my friend, Natalie, on the phone a while back, and she brought up the same problem I've heard about time and time again. I started to do the math in my head and figured out she'd been talking about this issue for the past 15 years! That, my friends, illustrates a huge difference between men and women.

A chick enjoys talking about a problem, looking at it from all angles, and getting other people's perspective on it. She doesn't want it to go away because it's a huge part of her identity. But a guy doesn't understand this and, therefore, gets thoroughly annoyed when the problem persists. He's result-orientated, wanting to solve it and move forward. He aims to become the knight in shining armor, slaying the dragon and rescuing the damsel in distress. When that never happens, he feels defeated.

My friend, Natalie, made me feel like men do when women have a problem that never gets resolved. At first, I felt honored that she asked my thoughts on the matter and I gave (what I considered) excellent counsel. But, as the years passed and the problem never went away, I felt used. I saw that she brought up this problem with many people, seeking their advice, so my comments were just another dribble in the bucket.

Like guys do in relationships that aren't working, I slowly started to distance myself from Natalie and eventually eased myself out of her orbit. Life is too short to listen about the same problem for 15 years no matter how compassionate you are!

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

— Eleanor Roosevelt

2. Excessively Talking (and Thinking) About Themselves

For many years in my relationships with women, I played the role of the supportive friend—the listener, advisor, and humorous side-kick.That was fine by me because my friends, of course, would be there for me if the tables got turned and I needed support, right? Wrong! When my 3-year-old son got diagnosed with autism, my friends took off like a flock of geese upon hearing a gunshot.

This experience made me keenly aware of how women take and take and don't give back. Yes, guys are willing to accept that women are more verbal and need to talk more than they do, but it turns them off big time when listening is not reciprocated. They feel like they've put coins in the piggy banks for month, even years, and then want to spend a little and get refused. It makes them feel hurt, angry, and distrustful and who could blame them?

Women do themselves a huge favor by becoming more attentive and responsive to their guys. According to a study in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, men view women who listen in a more favorable light—more feminine, more sexually appealing, and more suitable as long-term partners. Too many chicks I know feel put upon if their guys need to talk, making insensitive comments such as, “It's like he's grown a vagina!” or “He needs more testosterone!” As the mother of two sons, I find these remarks reprehensible and warn my boys about women who love to talk but never listen.

Men perceive women who listen as more sexually attractive and feminine.
Men perceive women who listen as more sexually attractive and feminine. | Source

3. Badmouthing Other Women

When I was a teenager, I must confess I spent some time hanging around mean girls. We badmouthed fellow students, criticizing their clothes, makeup, personalities, and intelligence. It was a way to bolster ourselves at a time in life when we felt most insecure and awkward. Yet, it didn't take long for me to realize that when I wasn't around them, these mean girls were picking on me. That's when I swore off those types for good and so have plenty of guys.

Men will attest there are far too many grown-up mean girls out there in the dating world today. They get turned off by these women because they're not only unkind but they lack confidence. Study after study indicates that men find self-assurance in a woman an extremely desirable trait. This doesn't mean she needs to run her own business or earn a large salary. The confidence that men find appealing is when a woman feels good about herself, likes her job, has friends, and gets involved in the community.

Many men can relate to this song about a woman who talks excessively about herself.

4. Not Having Friends and Hobbies

One of the great things about being in a family is we all take off on our own adventures each morning—work, school, meetings, sporting events, activities with friends—and then meet up at the dinner table to discuss the day's events. It's that splitting apart and coming together that adds interest to our lives and makes our relationships fulfilling.

There's nothing I hate more than visitors who come to stay with us and never do anything by themselves. They act like leeches on our very existence, expecting us to entertain them every minute. They're so draining and demanding. Men don't like it when women behave this way either, finding it a big turn off.

Having friends and hobbies is everybody's own responsibility. If you don't, you become boring and dependent—a real drag. Friends and hobbies enrich our lives, relieve stress, and promote mental well-being. A smart man will quickly realize that a woman without them will not make a healthy and happy partner.

To attract a man, a woman should have activities she's passionate about and make her more interesting.
To attract a man, a woman should have activities she's passionate about and make her more interesting. | Source

You can't expect to have a deep relationship with a shallow person.

— Doe Zantamata

5. Being Thin-Skinned

I enjoy living in an all-male environment because it's made me tougher—willing to hear criticism and take a joke, even at my own expense. I'm a better adjusted person than when I surrounded myself with females—less neurotic and less self-absorbed. After living in a house with guys for 17 years, one of my biggest pet peeves is thin-skinned women and I'm not alone. They're a major turn off to men.

While a thin-skinned woman may try to put a positive spin on it (“I'm incredibly sensitive”), she's really self-focused and takes everything personally. She has narcissistic tendencies that prevent her from seeing the big picture, laughing at herself, and looking at things from another's viewpoint.

This is a hard personality type to deal with for most men. They don't want to walk around on eggshells, trying so hard to not offend. They want a woman who's confidence enough to take some ribbing without her feelings getting hurt. The thin-skinned female is high maintenance and rarely worth the effort.

Okay, ladies, tell the truth!

In all honesty, which one of these repelling behaviors are you guilty of doing?

See results

Questions & Answers

  • What do I, a sixty-eight-year-old man, do to let a sixty-four-year-old wife know that her illnesses and pain turns me off?

    At first glance, your question struck me as quite callous. If your wife has a legitimate illness, it's your obligation as her spouse to be supportive and empathetic as stated in your wedding vows “in sickness and in health.” If she's suffering, it's extremely difficult for her to think of anything else and you should be sensitive to that. However, if you're implying that she's not taking care of herself, isn't seeing the doctor, and is just being passive and complaining, then that is a different situation, and your frustration is understandable. A negative spouse can certainly bring us down and impact our well-being.

    As we age, we all suffer from aches, pains, and other health issues. We may put on weight, have a lower libido, and not feel as attractive. However, we owe it to our partners to stay as fit as possible (physically and mentally) and do what we can to look our best. With our lifespans getting longer, we no longer see our 60's as a time to wither away and prepare for our demise. We may have decades longer to live, and we want partners who are fun to be with and encourage us to be our best. When it comes to the normal, natural conditions of growing older, we all must “suck it up” because nobody enjoys hearing us whine.

    I suggest you get your wife motivated to lead a healthier and happier life by starting a walking routine, yoga, hiking, biking, dancing, or whatever strikes your fancy. Exercise is the best way to make us more energetic and optimistic. Change up your diet as well. My family changed to a vegetarian lifestyle six months ago. We're all loving the new foods we're eating and the new vitality we're experiencing. We also stopped watching television and now spend more time playing board games, reading, studying, and being outdoors. When we're engaged in life and living in the moment, we're less likely to think of our problems.

    “Gray divorce” has gotten a lot of attention recently as the divorce rate for couples over 50 has doubled. This can occur in a situation like yours when one spouse wants to be positive, active, and adventurous and the other one is acting like an old fogy or is suffering from a serious illness. As always, open and honest communication is critical if you want to stay together. Lovingly, tell your wife how you're feeling about her complaints. Come up with a solution that makes you both feel heard and valued. Talk about a shared vision for your senior years and make a plan. I wish you both health and happiness.

© 2016 McKenna Meyers


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    • letstalkabouteduc profile imageAUTHOR

      McKenna Meyers 

      21 months ago

      Thanks so much, Happy Camper. Guys are getting a lot of flack these days for sexual harassment in the workplace. While this is certainly a serious issue that needs to be addressed, I can say unequivocally that the worst job I ever had was at an all-female environment—a preschool of all places! The cattiness was off the charts.

    • profile image


      21 months ago

      Man you nailed it. Well done!!!

    • letstalkabouteduc profile imageAUTHOR

      McKenna Meyers 

      2 years ago

      Thanks, Emmyboy. I hope you found some truth here.

    • Emmyboy profile image


      2 years ago from Nigeria

      Nice thoughts... most especially, coming from a woman!

      Thumbs up.

    • letstalkabouteduc profile imageAUTHOR

      McKenna Meyers 

      2 years ago

      Well said, dashingscorpio. Jumping into an exclusive relationship is definitely not a good idea. It takes time to get to know someone and see them in a variety of situations. You really don't know a person until you see her deal with a stressful encounter!

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      2 years ago

      Another one I would add is "putting the cart before the horse".

      Sometimes women are in such a rush to be in an "exclusive relationship" without having taken the time to determine if they're truly compatible.

      Instead of {pushing for a relationship} be willing to allow it to evolve.

      This is especially true in the modern era of online dating sites and apps. Imagine a guy taking a girl out on Friday night and then a different girl out on Saturday night. Some women would be quick to call him a "dog" or a "player" even though he is not in an exclusive relationship with them!

      When a company has an opening it's common for them to interview (several candidates) before offering the position to someone.

      Unless there is a discussion had about becoming exclusive both men and women should be keeping their options open and not assume they're in a relationship. Unrealistic expectations leads to disappointment and heartache.


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