Fresh perspective on dating issues compiled in consultation with friends in North America, Australia and African nations.
Why'd You Say That?
Truth be told, there's hundreds of things you should never say on a date. For now, however, let's focus on five really important lines you should never use if you want to protect your heart (and particularly your wallet) when dating.
A lot of problems are caused by making common mistakes during conversations during a date. It is easy to offend a potential partner unintentionally. Even if you have a big heart and the best of intentions, sometimes you'll find you put your foot in your mouth.
Life teaches us many of the rules about being polite. And experience gives us clues about what to say and when to say it. Obviously, we all do our best when dating, and we want to make a good impression.
The best advice when dating is to 'be yourself.' But I urge you to make sure you at least avoid saying the following five things when you're dating:
- I used to date a model
- I make a lot of money
- I'm waiting on a big payout
- I think [another person] is beautiful
- My best friend is a divorce lawyer
1. I Used to Date a Model
If you ever dated a model or someone absolutely stunning, keep that news to yourself. Nobody wants to date someone with unrealistic expectations. Think about it. Who wants the pressure of looking gorgeous all day every day?
If a woman has gone to a lot of trouble with makeup, hair and clothing to impress you on a date, she wants you to appreciate that special effort. Compliment her and let her bask in the glory of looking good.
If your date is a man who turns up freshly shaven and dressed in his best, don't crush his ego with talk of your model ex.
I can't think of one person I've ever met who enjoys the thought of leaping from bed in the morning and racing to the mirror for a quick fix before facing their partner. And to be honest, only a fool would pass on the chance to enjoy waking up with a disheveled and relaxed lover in your arms.
If you had a relationship with a model in the past, never mention it on a date. And if your new love finds out from someone else, remind them you're no longer with that model. You're now with a much more perfect partner!
2. I Make a Lot of Money
Many men flash cash around when trying to impress a woman. But letting women know you make (or have) a lot of money when you are first dating can seriously backfire on so many levels. For instance:
- She doesn't like you, but likes your money.
- She really likes you, but knows she doesn't have a wardrobe of flashy clothes so she backs off for fear of not being able to 'keep up'.
- You've set yourself up to buy lots of expensive gifts for her.
- She fears you won't have time for her because you obviously spend a lot of time making money.
On the one hand, you'll never know if she really likes you for you. Or if she just dreams of you giving her a credit card. And to the other extreme, you might be missing out on the chance to develop a loving relationship with a genuine girl who is not comfortable with your wealth.
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The same thing works in reverse. Just as the expression 'sugar daddy' refers to men with money who support younger partners financially, there's an increasing rise in the search for a 'sugar mommy'. Women with wealth are also targets in the dating world.
Whichever way you look at it, saying 'I make a lot of money' when you are first dating is a big mistake!
3. I'm Waiting on a Big Payout
Among my circle of friends, we've come across this problem a few times. Men (and women) who mention waiting for a significant payout as settlement from a dispute or court case generally run into trouble.
If you are dating someone new, never mention:
- injury compensation
- impending divorce settlement
- accessing superannuation
- or any other significant payout you are expecting.
Why? Because if you suddenly become the center of your new date's universe, you'll never know why. Until a while after your settlement comes through!
4. I Think [Another Person] Is Beautiful
Oh, this is a trap for the unwary. Never tell your date who you think is beautiful, even if you're asked.
The best and only answer you should offer is 'I see beauty in so many things in so many different ways ~ including people.' That's your safest starting point. And from there, be careful with anything else you add.
Yes, if pressed, you could probably name a famous movie star but even doing that can be dangerous. Your date may, or may not, agree. (And your date may, or may not, feel threatened by your choice if they don't identify with them at all.) So perhaps add, 'They have long legs, like you.' Or maybe, 'Because I love thick hair, like yours!'
5. My Best Friend Is a Divorce Lawyer
If your mother, your father, your sibling or your best friend is an attorney who specializes in divorce, never mention it to someone you've recently started dating.
Why? Because you don't want to scare them away before they have a chance to fall madly, deeply in love with you!
I'd never want to fall in love with someone who I knew would deliver a lengthy prenuptial agreement before I had a chance to choose a wedding ring. Would you?
More Things You Shouldn't Say When Dating
Yes, you want to protect your wallet and your heart when you enter into a relationship. But dating should be romantic. And fun. Any kind of unnecessary stress or strain on a relationship should be avoided during the early stages of dating. That's precisely why some things are better left unsaid!
© 2012 Daniel Long