There are a lot of things that young adult men do to get young women (into bed, into relationships, etc), and plenty of it is legitimate.
However, there are just some things that I see other guys doing sometimes that really "gets my goat," so to speak, that makes me roll my eyes and wonder how the human race managed to produce such a huge population when so many of my peers appear even more clueless than I do when it comes to courting women. But, then again, a lot of the things they do work.
It's just that, they don't always work the way you'd want.
Or they work exactly how you'd expect, but only on the type of women you would never want to be with.
As one gets older, the flaws in the way immature men operate become more apparent, even if it might have made perfect sense to oneself five years ago. Because of this adjustment in perspective, things I might have not noticed or things I may have not found bothersome in my peers or things I might have even done myself suddenly seem supremely stupid and make me want to shake sense into all the young men I find doing these things.
What "things," specifically? Well, first of all:
1 - They Talk to Women Like Women are Children
"Hey, baby, let me get that for you. You're gonna drop it with those dainty arms."
"Silly, two plus two equals FIVE. You just suck at math, now, don't you?"
"Don't worry, I'll drive. I've seen how you are behind the wheel, sweetheart, and it just scares me to be honest."
Or any other number of inane insults or stabs at her ability to handle herself or her environment, really, stabs that extend beyond the level of playfulness.
There are two main types of female reactions to this, the one from an immature, girlish woman, and the one from a more mature, adult woman:
An immature or stupid girl, or a girl who otherwise has a lower amount of self-esteem and self-assurance, will giggle and feel impressed and interpret his pushing her down and being condescending as some form of confidence. She may outwardly protest and tell him to shut up, but rest assured her legs will spread faster than I Can't Believe It's Not Butter on bread at an anti-lard calorie-counting party.
An adult woman, however.... I've seen that look before. You know what look I'm talking about? The one where she stares at him with her eyebrows slightly tightened while shaking her head ever so imperceptibly, to the point where almost as a rule he'll be too absorbed in his lines to notice. That look that says: "Wait, what? You're talking to ME, son? You think I fall for stuff like that? Don't make me laugh." And then he's surprised if she changes the subject, acting as if she didn't hear the last thing he said, or if she just ignores him altogether.
I know this first hand. I noticed that when I'd let the banter go too far and stoop to this level, I tended to very easily attract exactly the kind of girl I don't like--girls with weaker self-esteem, girls that are less self-assured. You really do get what you project.
So if that's the kind of girl a guy wants to attract, by all means he should treat a woman like a child.
And, women, who are often irritated by males being condescending: You must understand that a lot of it has to do with YOUR giving them implicit permission to be condescending; if you change that "vibe" you will likely attract a different kind of guy, a guy who is less immature.
2 - They Pick Stupid, Immature, Easy-to-Handle Women, then Complain That All Women Are Stupid, Immature, and Easily-Manipulated
Similar in principle to number 1, you get what you project. If all a particular man chooses to attract are the women who are most easily attracted with superficialities, with personality traits that are empty or easily faked, he will get the type of woman who is easily impressed by these things and who will probably never notice the things about him that he actually values. I don't really see how such a set-up would not inevitably lead to a huge amount of resentment on his part--not just in regards to his chosen women, but possibly in regards to women in general.
The macrocosm of how women actually are in a wide sense is irrelevant in the face of the microcosm, the (relatively) tiny community of women a man chooses to surround himself with. If all those women are vapid and easily impressed, it's no wonder if he makes this overall assessment of women--but, in the end, it is all his own doing. He is no better than they are; in fact, he is exactly like them.
It is when a man learns to explore women with less of a bias, and without being on an explicit mission to capture them, that the reality of the situation becomes more clear to him over time.
3 - They Seek Women Who Won't Challenge Their Egos an Ounce
The problem with this is that an ego (or any aspect of a person) cannot grow and become stronger without being challenged. If the very concept of a strong or self-assured woman intimidates you and threatens your sense of self, then you have in not so many words revealed your weakness. If you feel inadequate for such a woman--not merely uninterested, but inadequate--there are clearly cracks in your ego that you may want to mend.
Immature men hide their weaknesses like a stereotype because they have yet to learn how to phase them out, and they seek women that reassure them, not women who challenge them. Strong men (strong people, really) seek weakness in themselves in an effort to snuff it out, even if exposing those weaknesses and admitting to them may cause a temporary discomfort--they seek what they truly *want and need* and don't let anything get in the way of it, including their own fear of appearing weak.
Strong, mature men act this way because they know that many good things in life are freely available to them if they only have the courage and genuine confidence to reach out for it, if only they can see past their own feelings of inadequacy. They know that to be able to get what you want, you must first become fit for it, become a match for it. They know that if they want a quality woman, the only way they can really have her and keep her is to be a quality man. They know that this requires challenging themselves to become better people. They know that this requires putting themselves in situations that do not hide, but rather expose, the parts of them that they'd like to improve. They know that this requires being with women who might not gladly accept the worst parts of a man they date, and who might not see a man as a hero until he proves himself.
Women will notice a man committed to his own growth in this way (I hope), and choose him over his weaker peers.
4 - They Worry What Other People Will Think of the Woman They Picked (And Thus Treat Her as a Symbol of Status)
Immature men care too much about what others think of their woman, and treat them as trophies. If he knows other men would find his woman attractive, he parades her around, feeling a counterfeit ego boost over the fact that he has what they apparently want; he will feel "lucky" to have her, as if it is an undeserved random turn of good fortune. If he knows other men would not be envious of him and would, in fact, find his girl unattractive, he will typically attempt to hide her from other men he knows, to avoid being the subject of (even unjustified) pity or ridicule.
True, a person's lover is very much a reflection of who he is, but, exactly because of this, if he is afraid of others knowing her or is ashamed of her, then he is again only revealing his own internal shame in regards to himself. He chose her after all, and, consciously or unconsciously, he chose her to match him.
A mature man likes what he likes and owns up to it. He understands that an insult to his lover is like an insult to himself, and he will defend her even against people who are close to him. A mature man picks women by his own standards and not by the standards of others. He does not feel the need to over-publicize what he has, nor does he feel the need to be "discreet" about it. He does not feel either very lucky nor unlucky that a particular woman chose him, because he knows that he must have deserved her if they chose each other.
5 - They Treat Women Like a Different Species
Finally, immature men will create a huge, false divide between themselves and women, as if women and men belong to a different species. It's almost reminiscent of a schoolyard. They will over-emphasize the differences between the two sexes in an effort to justify their confusion with women, or in an effort to justify their lack of success with women, or in an effort to justify why all the women they seem to attract are (equally) immature and vapid.
The truth is that there are many more similarities than differences between men and women, and that, regardless of the amount of differences between the sexes, emphasizing them is obviously counter-productive when the goal in romantic interaction is for men and women to relate to each other.
Over time (hopefully) young men learn that better women are best approached by treating the interaction as a normal, if a bit more tender, human interaction, not as a game of push-and-pull between two members of opposing species who are completely clueless about each other. As a man grows older, he becomes more self-assured (usually), and will leave such childish things behind.
Anette on September 01, 2017:
I agree with Lisa. It is not the woman's fault if a guy is condescending.
Also, if a guy wants a diva, that IS immaturity from his part. It is not enough to realize that insults won't get you anywhere long term. You've got to realize that divas are not wife material. A grown man desires long-term relationship, he wants to create a family, not casual sex. He is not looking for confidence, he is looking for love. It may be the shy girl. You can't find better woman than the one who loves you, you know. You can find prettier, more confident, etc. But caring for someone...that is rare. One day, you'll grow up.
Lisa on June 12, 2017:
It's not a woman's fault if a man is condescending towards her. She did not "provoke" him to act like that. He already had a condescending attitude. That reasoning is victim blaming. Most condescending men have narcissistic traits. Some are abusers. Some hate women deep down. If a man is condescending towards you, please know that you don't deserve it and that this is a man with issues. RUN!
ckfm on June 21, 2014:
I am staying with a 50 YR. OLD CHILD who because his parents have coddled, spoiled, & bailed him out of every "situation" in his life is beyond being immature! If possible? I'm out! WTH was I thinking?
Renee Marie jones on April 27, 2013:
I dated the immature man before. Now, I understand why we clashed.
Kush on May 18, 2012:
i just found out i hav been doin all dis...hmmm...wat a shame
pls any advice to give up all this, bcos i do all to be frank and i am 23
Tilly on April 16, 2012:
How about the man who is always calling his girlfriend "dude", or "bro".. and thinks giving an adult woman stuffed toys as gifts all the time (making her feel like she is some teenage girl)is ok or cute? The immature man who clings desperately to a woman out of fear of being alone or hangs on to her until something better comes along. What about the immature man who has temper tantrums over the slightest things and literally acts like a vindictive child? Oh yea.. I have had some experience with this sad to say.
Contrice on October 23, 2010:
This is a great article and I totally agree with every word of it. You hit it right on the head. I had this issue. It really bugged me when a certain guy I use to date would suggest that I could not accomplish certain tasks simply because of my gender. That was his ego stroke. Feeling superior to me made him feel better. It's a shame that there are so many immature men out there.
Sunny Robinson from Tennessee on September 24, 2010:
Awesome article! Now, here is a super good one. I know an immature girl who does this as much as an immature guy will do. Actually, I know a bunch of people like this and it really bothers the crap out of me.
It reminds me of a facebook status or 'like' page: "Yes, I have a sense of humor. No, that joke wasn't funny." AskMen makes a lot of content saying to do the exact things that immature men would do to attract women. At the end of one article, they said something to the effect of, "The woman who doesn't get it has no sense of humor and you're better off without her". And no, a woman with real sense of humor and higher self-esteem would not tolerate stupid crap like that.