6 Signs He's a Player

Updated on January 26, 2011

Before we get into the how of spotting a player, let's first discuss what one is. In the simplest terms possible, I find good synonyms to be schmuck, loser and jerk. You may have your own favorite jargon, of course, but the man himself is always the same. His primary goal in life is gaining attention, as this fills the void his poor little heart can't fill from within. He moves from one woman to the next, often so smoothly that said women never see the move coming -- and he does so because he can't commit to anyone in particular, lest he be forced to stand still long enough to get a look at himself in the mirror.

Being in my line of work, I've met a lot of players over the years. More than a lot, really. They come in all shapes and sizes, some of them slimier than others, but they've all got several characteristics in common. Some will have more, some will have less, but if the man you're dating has several of these in one go, you could well be dating a player.

1. He expressly denies being one.

In my experience, the men who come straight out (unprovoked) and proclaim that they aren't players, tend to be precisely that. He will announce this the first time he screws up, or senses that you're leery about him. And he's operating on reflex. You see, he's so used to being accused of being one, that he instinctively plays offense from the start, in the hope you might be gullible enough to believe what you hear, rather than what you see.

2. He's too smooth.

Does he have an answer for everything? A really good answer for everything? I'm not surprised. as it comes from years of practice. He's made all the big mistakes and has plenty of experience with smoothing things over. He knows what you want to hear, because he's learned well from his previous enablers. Don't add yourself to the list.

3. He's always slightly aloof.

He pays just enough attention to make you crave more, but little enough to make you wonder how interested he really is. This ploy is designed to make you want more -- which is what most of you end up doing -- and some of you will go out of your way to get his attention via methods you wouldn't normally lower yourself to. That's exactly what he wants; you crawling on your knees for his attention.

4. He's fantastic in bed.

These guys are so good in bed that many women will overlook the crap he pulls, just to get the chance to play house with him. Not every man who is good in bed is a player, obviously, but if he is, and if he's also got any of the previous traits, he's probably a player. Unfortunately, this trait is desirable enough that many women are willing to overlook the other traits, if only for a period of time.

5. His communication skills suck.

Unless there's a very good reason, if a man doesn't answer your text/email/phone call within 24 hours, he's playing a game. And the men who deny the truth of that statement by claiming that some men are just too busy...? They're full of shite. If you really like someone, you can find a minute to at least text them. No one is that busy! If your man does this on a regular basis, he's playing games.

6. He makes you feel like you're overreacting when you're not.

Let me give you an example: He promises to call you at 8pm, but doesn't contact you until the next day. Why? Because he decided that pizza with his mates would be more fun. When asked why he couldn't be bothered to let you know, to send you a text at least, he replies by making you feel like you're being clingy or too demanding. This guy is a tosser!

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