Jorge's relationship advice is based on experience and observation. Let his trial and error be your success (hopefully).
Why Does He Act Like He Doesn't Like Me?
In a world still awash in the "he's just not that into you" mentality, this article makes the case that sometimes people, even guys, may not always be what they seem. Indeed, trying to decipher a man's motivations and behavior can yield as much uncertainty as trying to understand the cryptic inner workings of the female mind.
More than what a guy does, we must take into consideration what he thinks. Two men may do the same thing, but it may mean something completely different in each case due to their differing motivations. Examining what a guy does and trying to figure out if that means he likes you is not as useful if you fail to take into consideration what kind of guy they are. If it's a guy who is slightly on the shyer side, things might be a little vaguer.
He may act like he does not like you to protect himself, though there are plenty of other similar reasons for his actions.
To this end, I present ten reasons a guy might like you even if he doesn't act like it and ten signs that he secretly likes you.
10 Signs a Guy Likes You but Doesn't Want You to Know
Despite all of his best efforts to act disinterested and push you away, there are some telltale signs to look for that show that he does, in fact, like you, even if he refuses to admit it.
- Body Language: If he displays open body language around you and leans in when talking with you, that is a sign that he is into you. If he has a relaxed posture, with his body pointed towards you, that is another sign of positive body language. While he may try to hide his feelings, his body will let you know that he does like you.
- He Asks You Personal Questions: If he asks you about past relationships or other personal questions of a similar nature, he is trying to figure out whether or not you are single and compatible with him. This is particularly true if you just met and you do not know each other very well.
- He Tries to Impress You: If he remembers specific details and pays attention to you, that means he is trying to impress you and show you that he cares about your well-being. He may try other types of things to impress you, such as talking about his job, his car, his house, and his lifestyle. He is hoping that doing this will make you think of him as an interesting guy you would want to spend more time with.
- He Is Responsive to Your Calls and Texts: A guy who likes you will be unable to help himself when it comes to responding to you. He will make sure to reply to your texts, and he will try to extend your text conversations.
- He Follows You on Social Media and Likes Your Posts: While just being followed on social media does not mean much, if he likes your pictures and posts, that can be a big indicator of his interest in you.
- He Doesn't Talk to You About Other Girls: When you're talking with him, he will make sure not to bring up any other women in his life, and if you try to bring it up, he will deflect the question. He wants you to know that he is still single and he is not tied down to anyone else at the moment.
- He Notices When You Change Your Appearance: If you change up your appearance and he compliments you on it, that is a clear sign that he likes you on some level. It means he is paying attention to your appearance and that he sees you as an attractive person.
- He Teases You: Playful teasing is one of the easiest ways to show affection for someone without being too overt. It's the perfect move for a guy who doesn't want you to know how he feels about you. By teasing and messing around with you, he can show his affection in a discreet way.
- Physical Contact: Touching you, even if it's only lightly or giving you a bunch of hugs, is an indication that he is attracted to you. He might be trying to tell you otherwise, but his need for physical contact means that he's comfortable around you, and he's trying to see how you respond to his touch.
- He Makes Time for You: If he is carving out time to hang out with you one-on-one, that is a sign that he is comfortable around you, and he wants to get to know you on a deeper, personal level.
10 Reasons Why He Won't Tell You He Likes You
- He Thinks You Have Someone Already
- He Thinks He Isn't Worthy of You
- Emotional Unavailability
- He's Ashamed of Liking You
- He Thinks He Won't Be Able to Give You What You Want
- He Is Not Ready for a Relationship
1. He Thinks You Have Someone Already
Maybe he thinks you're already taken, or maybe he noticed another "shark in the water" circling around you, and he doesn't feel like getting into a competition. Maybe he thinks some other guy you're close to would be a better fit. Maybe his best friend likes you more than he does, and he wants to let the man have his shot.
All sorts of reasons. If he thinks you're in some kind of relationship already, even if it's only like a half-relationship or an "it's complicated" relationship or something equally vague, he'll usually see that as your being taken, unless he's the kind of guy who has no qualms about breaking up a relationship (or joining one).
So if you're available and he has any reason to think otherwise, make it clear. Sure, a lot of people like what they can't have, but you don't just want him to like you without having you, right? (Unless you do, in which case one would have to wonder why you care that he likes you or not.)
2. He Is Insecure
He may be struggling with some insecurities, and because of that, he does not feel like putting himself out there. If he is insecure, he will try to pull a bait and switch on you so he can feel better about himself and have the upper hand. Due to his insecurity and need to protect his ego, he will withdraw his attention from you the moment you show any interest.
3. He's a Coward
He could be scared sheetless of you. Maybe he's faking disinterest because he doesn't want you to know that he likes you.
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It's arguable whether you would want to be with this kind of guy at all, but he might be nervous at the prospect of making his interest obvious because then he's in an emotionally vulnerable position.
What if you notice his interest and reject him? What if he has a teeny tiny ego that does not easily recover from such things? Maybe he's afraid of humiliation, afraid that you'd make fun of him, afraid that others would think him a loser for being outwardly rejected.
Actually, now that I think about it, it's not arguable. If the guy is feigning disinterest to that degree and for those reasons, don't date him.
4. He Thinks He Isn't Worthy of You
He might think you're out of his league somehow, and so he doesn't want to bother even trying because he's afraid he'll look pathetic. He's afraid it will be a futile effort. Maybe he's putting you on a pedestal that you weren't aware of and feels like he doesn't deserve you and that he'd be incredibly lucky if you didn't reject him, but he doesn't want to take his chances (because of reason number 3).
On the one hand, this is kind of a compliment because he sees you as someone so highly desirable, but on the other hand, if a guy really feels that way himself, he probably isn't worthy of you. Worthiness is largely a mindset, and if he doesn't have it, then he doesn't have it by his own choice.
5. He Is Emotionally Unavailable
If he is emotionally unavailable, then he is dealing with something in his past that he can't get over. Rather than put himself out there and risk the chance of getting hurt, he would rather hurt you instead by sabotaging the situation.
Even if he seems like a great guy, if he acts in this way, then he is clearly not worth your time. An emotionally unavailable guy will close themselves off once you show any type of interest, so be careful if he suddenly freezes up all of a sudden.
6. He's Ashamed of Liking You
Uh-oh. It could be the whole backhanded compliment type of situation where he likes you personally but can't help the barrage of thoughts: "What would my friends think?" / "What would my parents think?" / "What would my wife think?"
This is sort of the reverse of number 4, where he might see you as, on some superficial level, not being worthy of him, though he likes you in spite of this.
Maybe there's something about you that someone he knows or that society at large would blame him for. Maybe there's something about you he's afraid others wouldn't understand. Maybe there's something about you that goes against some kind of belief system he has. Maybe you're a Satanist, or an Atheist, or gay. It scares him what others will think of him when they see him with you.
But such is the mark of a weak man if he lets others' (perhaps baseless) opinions get in the way of his desires or judgment of your worth.
7. He Does Not Want to Give Up Control
Some guys struggle with giving up control, so they would rather give you mixed signals and make things confusing for you. By remaining squarely in control and not letting you know their true feelings or intentions, this type of guy can control the situation and stay in power. These types of people are bad news, and having control issues is a sign of a deep character flaw.
8. He Thinks He Won't Be Able to Give You What You Want
Maybe it just seems to him that you want something that he can't provide. Maybe he thinks you have an image of him that isn't true and that you like him for things that don't exist and that he can't give you, like money, or a big intellectual capacity, or a world view that he just doesn't share with you.
Maybe he likes you but thinks that you like him for the wrong reasons. Maybe he's right. Check it out. Is he really the guy you think he is? Have you already voiced expectations you have for him, even without realizing it? Are you the kind to rattle off a list of specific, unrealistic things you want in a man? If he likes you, he's probably listening, and he'll probably pick up on these things.
9. He Is Immature
A man who is emotionally immature will not have his life together, and so he will be unwilling to get it together to the point where he would want to be in a serious relationship. He will feel that doing so would be asking too much as it would force him to grow up and start taking life more seriously.
Therefore, he will try to mess things up and give you the cold shoulder if you try to get close, so you don't realize the extent of his immaturity and run away. Instead, he gets the jump on you by pushing you away, and then he doesn't have to deal with his lack of maturity.
10. He Is Not Ready for a Relationship
There are times when the simplest answer is the correct one, and it's entirely possible that he is just not ready to be in any type of relationship. He could have a variety of other things going on in his life, and the idea of committing to someone, even casually, does not jive with him. Instead, he would rather save himself the trouble and remain noncommittal.
So think about it: Maybe he does like you. But . . . then again, if he's not being obvious for most of these reasons, maybe you shouldn't like him back.
Questions & Answers
Question: I thought this guy had a crush on me. He talks about me a lot and gets embarrassed when people say they ship us. I told him I liked him, but he said he doesn’t like me, but he is still doing all the above. I’m confused; does he like me or not?
Answer: He said he doesn't like you. Take him at his word. Worrying about whether he's telling the truth or not is kind of a waste of time.
Question: What does it mean when he won't touch you?
Answer: Probably that he doesn't want to touch you. Every situation is different, so without any context, it's hard to answer that.
© 2010 Jorge Vamos