5 Places You Won't Find a "Good Man" (And 3 Places You Will)
If you have no trouble finding a man to date but can't find one who's willing or qualified to commit, there's a reason. If you have trouble finding any man for as much as a coffee date, there's a reason. If you have trouble getting past that early dating stage and building something meaningful with a guy who seemed great at first only for things to fizzle out when you realize you have less in common than you originally thought, there's a reason. What is the reason? There's a good chance it isn't you, the dating game, your standards, or even the male population. If any of these locations sound familiar, there's a very good chance that you're looking for a good man where they simply don't go.
There are approximately eleven quadrillion books on dating, mating and maintaining a successful relationship out there, and just as many anecdotal success stories to go with them. Care to take a guess at how many of them begin with, "Our eyes locked across the dance floor, and we made our way towards each other past a throng of sweaty Millennials while the latest Pitbull song drowned out the sounds of selfie shuttering."
If you enjoy the club scene, cool. Someone has to keep audiologists and stiletto heel manufacturers in business, and I still belt out a tone-deaf rendition of Let it Go whenever it comes on the radio, so I'm in no position to judge you. However, if you go to nightclubs with the genuine expectation of finding a man worthy of your time, never mind your life, it's time to get real. I'm not saying that it's impossible, but if it does happen, it'll be the kind of improbable story you can use to impress your dinner guests and bewilder your grandchildren. People go to clubs to dance, to drink, to hang out with friends, and to hook up. It is what it is. Expecting anything more than a good time is like putting a 50-dollar bill in a vending machine and expecting it to dispense a plate of filet mignon.
Your Living Room
I can't tell you how many women I know who list finding a man to love and share life with as one of their top-three priorities in life, and act like they expect him to grow out of the living room carpet like a daisy. The hard truth is, love is not going to come knocking at your door, unless you happen to fall for the pizza man. There are too many people throwing around cliches like, "love comes when you least expect it," and while this *can* happen, it's always coincidental and never intentional. You get what you focus on. You attract what you think about most and surround yourself with. That takes effort, and sometimes it's frustrating, but it's part of the process.
Tinder and all the other hookup apps might be the place to go if you're looking for a one-night fling, but if you're looking for a husband or anything more serious than a night of clubbing, avoid these men like the plague. Maybe your favorite character on a TV show met her Prince Charming through this unlikely source. You won't. And even if there's the teensiest, tiniest chance you will, aren't there statistically better places to expend your time and effort?
Your Social Circle (Probably)
While friend of a friend connections were once the most common way to meet a potential mate, that just isn't the case anymore. Chances are, if you're still single, you've exhausted the options in your social circle. There's also a good chance that they're dragging your dating prospects down. I'm not saying you should dump your friends to find a better mate. Of course not! There are plenty of relationships in life that have as much meaning as romantic relationships, and we have to hold onto those. But, if all your time is spent with people who are single and searching for the same reasons you are, you're not very likely to make new connections that could spark into something more.
There's a science to friendship, and it's all about balance. That old adage to make new friends but keep the old? It goes double for those seeking a relationship. New friends you meet at church, yoga club, or what have you are eager to make connections and play matchmaker. If you're determined to meet someone in the real world rather than trying your luck in online dating, this is an essential strategy to grasp onto. Like attracts like, and by spending time around happy couples as well as your single friends, you're opening your world to more relationship possibilities.
The Same Old Places
Even if your go-to destination for meeting eligible men looks great on paper (church, the gym, etc.), you need to critically examine its effectiveness over time. You consider the value of your time in work, so why not do the same when it comes to your social life? I know far too many women who are wasting their time dipping back into the same well even when they come back empty every time. Take church, for example. I have a devout Protestant friend who attended the same church for years, and while being married is one of the non-negotiables on her overall to-do list, and while finding a man who shared her spiritual beliefs was at the top of her list of qualities she wanted in a romantic partner, she had no luck. The church was full of married couples with children and senior adults, and the senior staff made no effort to help the few singles in the congregation connect through social events. She, like the others, were treated as extras and no one quite knew what to do with them.
After some tough love from friends and family who recognized that this beautiful, intelligent woman was shooting herself in the foot when it came to one of her primary goals in life, she finally decided to try a different church. This new church had an active singles group and a diverse congregation. Guess who didn't have any trouble finding eligible men who shared her beliefs to connect with after that?
The lesson here is to be realistic. It's all well and good to wait around in the same old places, expecting different results, but we all know what the definition of insanity is. For some reason, many women (and men, for that matter) throw their common sense out the window when it comes to dating. It might be a matter of the heart, but it's hard to get to that stage without putting yourself in a position to meet people in the first place.
College or Work
The things, places and people you spend the most time with are the things, places and people you will receive the most from, good or bad. It's no surprise then that many people still find their husbands and wives at school or work, places they spend nearly a dozen hours at each day. Unfortunately, many women dismiss the men they meet in these places as off limits. While it's certainly a good idea to avoid dating your supervisor or anyone with whom there would be a conflict of interest, workplace romance between equals is still a thing. 31 percent of workers who reported dating a coworker said it led them down the aisle. That's a lot more promising than the likelihood of finding love at a club, isn't it? The good thing about finding love at college or the office is that you are already guaranteed to share a minimal set of values and goals with the people around you.
Social Activities and Group
Whether you're a regular churchgoer, a member of a Wiccan coven, or an avowed atheist who volunteers at the community center to give back to others, social groups like church, committees and volunteer organizations are some of the best places you can find a good man. Many people dismiss these venues because they take time away from dating-focused locations, but finding someone at one of these locations is an automatic vetting process.If you meet in a church, temple or another religious congregation, you'll know you share the same general spiritual beliefs. If you meet someone who volunteers for a cause that matters to you, you'll know you share many of the same values and that he's willing to give back to the world. These things matter, as overlooked as they often are in the era of modern dating.
Online Dating Sites
You knew it was coming. Today, 5 percent of married couples report having met online. That may not sound like much, but when you consider the fact that only 11 percent of the United States population actually uses online dating, that's a far more impressive success rate. Couple that with research that shows couples who met online have a higher rate of happiness and satisfaction in marriage, and online dating begins to look a bit more promising.
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