3 Types of Behaviors That Are Burning Red Flags in a Relationship
In every relationship there are issues. You have to take the good with the bad. Arguments happen. That's normal. People have their quirks and if you want to be part of a couple for a long period of time, you do need to learn how to accept certain traits or annoying habits that could be less than desirable.
But what about traits or behavior patterns that are not good for the long haul? How do you know when someone is going to be a destructive force in your life rather than a healthy influence?
Here are 3 glaring red flags that, unfortunately, get brushed off early on in relationships when infatuation takes over:
1. The Need To Control
If a person is attempting to control the clothes you wear, the friends you have, time spent with family, or even the words that come out of your mouth - it's time to reassess your situation - pronto!
I once had a boyfriend who tried to control what I wore so that other men wouldn't find me as attractive. He wanted me to constantly be covered up. It was ridiculous, but I took it as a sign that he was really, really into me.
He was really, really into himself and how he looked to the outside world. He wanted everyone to see that I was completely within in his power. I was nothing more than an accessory to his ego and a pawn in his sick game of power and control.
If anyone ever tries to manipulate you or threaten to take their love away unless you look or act a certain way in their presence, you can bet that relationship will be detrimental to your overall health and well-being. It's actually a form of abuse and it's not acceptable under any circumstances.
2. Complete Emotional Shut Down
We all get angry in relationships. We all get our feelings hurt and pout for a while. But most of us get over it within a reasonable amount of time.
But some people take it to the next level. They shut down. Completely. They stop talking to you for days, maybe even weeks. They cut you off.
It could have been a disagreement over something small or something big. Either way, this kind of person doesn't offer the ability to hash things out in a reasonable, respectful manner.
While you may think that emotionally shutting down is much better than outright physical or verbal abuse this is, in fact, another form of mental terrorism at it's most insidious.
When you're in a relationship with someone and they just shut you out without warning and you have to sit around playing a guessing game as to what went wrong or beg them to talk to you, then you'll need to pull the plug on the relationship. Unless a person like this is willing to fix their issues or go to therapy - move on.
3. Highly Aggressive/Short Fuse
This one is probably the most obvious of the 3. But that doesn't mean it's the easiest to break away from.
When you meet and get into a relationship with someone who starts to exhibit characteristics of an extremely bad temper - pay attention. This kind of behavior is potentially dangerous and even life threatening.
Look, everyone gets mad. Even furious sometimes. But over what? Someone cheating or someone lying perhaps? Possibly. But getting to a level of anger over something as simple as a change of plan or the waiter bringing the wrong dish to the table while you're out to dinner is another story.
It doesn't matter if the person you're dating is smoking hot or amazing in bed - if they constantly lose their mind and start screaming over small issues, then they have a problem. It's not you, not what you said, or what you may have done. It's them.
It's not normal to yell, scream, punch walls, or physically assault anyone on a regular basis. If you're in a relationship with someone who does these things or even threatens to, please make sure you have a good support system around you and seek help right away. This includes sexual aggression where you don't feel 100% safe during sex or feel forced into it in any way.
We all make mistakes and we all choose the wrong relationships from time to time. It's not okay to stay in an unhealthy relationship just because you believe you're in love or you're lonely. There are people out there who can have healthy, functioning relationships. I promise. Don't settle for anything less than that.