100 Surprising Excuses Women Use to Reject Men
She's Just Not That Into You!
Let's cut women some slack before we continue.
They are not evil or cruel if they reject a guy because they too have their standards. Sometimes she's just not that into him, but a few women do use very clichè excuses when they're not interested.
It's not that these excuses are all lies, it's just that they're too been there, done that. Personally I'd rather be rejected honestly than have someone tell me a bold faced lie to my face.
But before the attacks begin, I just want to make a quick note that a lot of these excuses apply to both men and women and many are more comical than serious.
Anyway here are the 100 excuses women might use to reject men.
Men please prepare yourselves!
It's Not You, It's Me
100. It's not you, it's me
99. I'm not looking for a boyfriend
98. I already have a boyfriend
97. I just wanna be friends
96. I got out of a bad relationship recently
95. I'm a lesbian/bisexual
94. I need to be single right now
93. I'm not looking to date anyone at the moment
92. My life is so hectic and busy
91. I don't have the time
90. I work constantly
89. I have kids and pets to care for
88. I need to take care of my parents/children
87. I need to focus on my career/education
86. Sorry you're not my type
85. You're just way too nice
84. I'm kinda seeing someone
83. My fiancé is here
82. Oh I'm married
81. I'm engaged or about to be engaged
80. I have this condition/illness
I Need to Focus on Myself
79. My boyfriend will be here any minute
78. Hold on it's my boyfriend/husband calling
77. I need to focus on myself
76. My parents wouldn't approve
75. I'm very religious so I can't date you
74. I came here with friends
73. I need to leave to see my friends
72. Sorry I'm feeling sick I gotta go
71. I have this horrible headache
70. I'm working on this huge project for work and it's so time-consuming
69. I would but I'm leaving for (insert location here) ex. Florida tomorrow
68. I can't I'm actually moving to (insert location here) ex. California soon
67. I just got over a bad break-up
66. I'm working things out with my ex
65. I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend
64. I don't want to get hurt by anyone
63. I have a chronic illness/mental disorder
62. Going through an awful depressive period
61. I found out recently that I'm pregnant
60. I'm confused about my sexuality so I don't know
Our Signs Don't Match Up
59. I can't date anyone outside my religion
58. I can't date anyone outside my race/culture
57. I can't date anyone younger/older than me
56. I can't date short/tall guys
55. I can't date anyone with a baby/kid
54. I need someone who is stable (financially or emotionally)
53. I don't date people who have been engaged/married before
52. I don't date people who work in (insert profession here) ex. lab testing for animals
51. I would meet you but I got a flat tire on the way there
50. Can't go on our date today, my car broke down
49. I wish I could see but I got called into work a few minutes ago
48. Sorry I can't go out today; I have a really bad cold/virus
47. You have a dog/cat? Well sorry but I'm highly allergic to them
46. Our signs don't match up (astrology)
45. I'm so busy right now; I promise I'll call you later
44. I'm so busy right now; I promise we'll meet up soon
43. You don't want to date me; I'm extremely complicated
42. I need someone more mature/sophisticated
41. Oh you smoke? I'm sorry I don't date smokers
40. Sorry I'm really into bad boys more
I Honestly Can't See Us Working Out
39. Let's be friends first and see what happens
38. You're way too old/young for me
37. I can't date you because I don't like children
36. I see you more like a relative/brother than a boyfriend
35. I'm not the one you want; I won't be able to make you happy
34. Our personalities are way too different
33. I need someone a lot more outgoing/calmer
32. I'm too stressed out to get into a relationship
31. You're too serious/comedic for me
30. I don't want to get into anything serious right now
29. You're a little too sweet and kind for me
28. You're not a good kisser, I need someone who can kiss
27. We have different social values and standards
26. I'm a vegan/vegetarian and I don't date non vegans/vegetarians
25. I can't be with someone who doesn't like cats/dogs/pets
24. I honestly can't see us working out
23. I have way too much baggage to date you
22. I need someone a lot more adventurous
21. Sorry I couldn't call you because I completely lost your number
20. I drank too much to remember what happened last night
You're Too Perfect for Me
19. You are too intelligent for me
18. I only date people with a degree/masters/doctorate
17. I had no idea you wanted us to go out
16. You talk to other girls, I don't want to take that chance
15. I won't go out with a player (false assumption)
14. I rather not take the chance of a guy cheating on me or playing with my emotions
13. I'm far too emotional to be with anyone
12. My ex-boyfriend/husband just got out of jail and would kill you if we went out
11. You're too perfect for me
10. Is that your car? Oh I thought you drove a Porsche
9. You're car is too dirty, and I can't be with someone who has a dirty car
8. I don't want to date someone with a messy apartment/home
7. I'm looking to settle down rather than date
6. You remind me of my cousin/brother/father
5. I have this doctor's appointment and I need to get my hair done
4. My (insert relative/friend) birthday is today and I can't make it
3. Oh my gosh I thought you were gay
2. We have too much in common and are too alike
1. I have this big wedding/funeral to attend to.
In or Out of Bounds?
Are some of these excuses going too far?
Nope! I don't think so...
First of all, more than half of the excuses above apply to men who reject women (yes men do reject women...surprise I know). Second of all, some of these are actual excuses that I've read and heard from other people, but it doesn't mean they're all legit.
A bunch are probably not excuses at all but become misinterpreted negatively by guys due to anger or frustration post rejection. However I must admit that some of these do come up a lot more than they should.
In particular the "lets just be friends" or "it's not you, it me" have been used so often that you'll easily spot them in popular romance flicks or shows. It doesn't mean they're out of bound excuses, but they do appear to be cop outs if you're uninterested.
Honesty remains the fairest way to go about a situation, so I'd recommend that over anything. If you're not interested, then go ahead and say you aren't.
I won't assume that you're cruel if you automatically reject someone, but I do believe in being open-minded before that immediate "no"!
Excuse if you must, but at least attempt to be honest if you can.
Men and Women
How many excuses do you use if uninterested in someone?
Questions & Answers
Comments
I just use one excuse, and it's more of a reason than an excuse: I'm not interested in a relationship.
Period. That's it. And it applies to every woman on Earth. Every time.
Now that that's settled, I can go live my life on my terms!
I just got that "I'm not looking for a boyfriend" line a couple of days ago, and I didn't even ask the girl to be my girlfriend. But I've heard a lot of the others from other women in my past.
- AUTHOR
I've always found the stereotypical lifestyle (marriage+kids=happiness) to be outdated and overrated.
There's nothing wrong if you choose not to follow it whether by choice or circumstance, and it sounds like you have plenty of good things going on that negate the norms just fine.
As long as you're happy that's all that matters.
Thanks Krzysztof, I did want children and I certainly didn't want to be celibate but given the dating pool in my area it's probably my best choice. I should concentrate on the good things in my life.
I have a good job, a nice house, great friends and a loving family with lots of nieces and nephews to spoil. I've always kept myself very fit so my health is good.
Just because I'm not attractive to women (other than as friends) I don't have to be unhappy.
- AUTHOR
Dating in today's world is very difficult because people don't know what they want. Everyone expects the best, really feel there's been a massive rise in narcissistic behaviors due to social media platforms and social dating. I agree that if things aren't working then you're better off doing things that actually make you happy.
It's no big deal to give up on dating seems like most of my friends have given up. I haven't dated in 15 years and probably will never date again. I decided to give it one last try this year and frankly haven't met anyone I'm interested in.
Tried online dating, spent a bunch of time and effort writing to women who couldn't bother to even say they weren't interested. I have better things to do with my time then make myself feel bad so I quit.
As someone on another post said "It's a strange game , the only winning move is not to play"
- AUTHOR
I'm sorry to hear that and that's a cold reality in today's world, but also very damaging because more and more men and turning away from relationships like in Japan.
I gave up on asking women out years ago. Never got a positive response so why continue? I wouldn’t mind the excuses, they are used to protect peoples feelings.
I think the worst was when they laugh like I'm some joke. I had good friend of mine do that, we had been friends for years and I finally got the courage to ask her out and she laughed at me. I never spoke to her again and it was years before I asked another women out, fortunately she was nicer and just said she wasn't interested.
My ex asked me out, unfortunately she left me and I never dated again. (17 years ago)
Who cares about differences, both men and women over look the good people and often choose the abusive jerk or an overbearing woman who wants it all her way and it never works out cause they dont come together as a team.
"I go through the list"
9% of people have no game
- AUTHOR
This entire idea is something that's been on my mind for a while and I wanted to share it. I've heard so many stories of people dealing with rejection, and they were angry because they wanted honesty. I had my own thoughts on the topic but everyone's experiences were unique, so I never wanted to pick sides. I'd rather be fair and hear everyone out.
For my writing, I appreciate all kinds of feedback (positive or negative) to the point where I even began writing a hub (one of my first) on why it was important for writers. I want to dive deeper into the subject matter, but I don't want it to seem overly preachy.
Thank you for helping me out and giving me needed feedback because I'll always take it in stride.
Chriswillman90:
There is no way I can tell you everything I know about honesty, relationships, closure and such, no matter how much I wanted to share it. It's such a long story.
There are a few books that you might be willing to check out - they are not about relationships per se, but they are very useful in terms of personal growth and understanding human/social behaviour. Those are not self-help books, however.
There are other ways to achieve closure which do not involve the other person and their input and, especially, their truth.
But one important thing I wanted to mention - after I wrote my articles I used to get a lot of feedback and those conversations were the moment when I started thinking about the topic more than before I wrote. It was a thought-starting point and that is a power of writing.
If this article is only a beginning in your exploration of the topic, then you've done a good job. So, congratulations.
I agree honesty with diplomacy is best. Having "class" is commendable.
The goal should never be to shatter someone by saying something along the lines of "Never in a million years would I be desperate enough to go out with you!" And yet that may be exactly what one is thinking! :)
When someone says; "It's not you, it's me" as empty as that sounds it's the truth. They are (the one ) who is unhappy or "not feeling it". They may know it's not anything you've done or said so there is no reason to "make up something" unless you pressured them to.
Most people who believe in "closure" are looking to either "fix" things about themselves based on the opinion of their "ex" or they want to "learn" what they can do to avoid the same results in the future. Everyone is different!
As I sated in my closure article it really does no good!
The very reason why your ex dumped you could be the same reason why the next person falls madly in love with you!
If we decided to change with every feedback our "exes" gave us we'd be flapping in all sorts of directions. At some point you have to just be you!
Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself!
The goal is to find someone who will love and appreciate you for you.
Below is my article. Thanks for writing on such an interesting topic! https://hubpages.com/relationships/breakupsandclos...
- AUTHOR
Reading through your experiences gave me a lot to think about and I even removed the word misogynistic because I wasn't comfortable using that word in the first place. It didn't make much sense after taking another look through it and it didn't fit the message I wanted initially.
I did not watch Tootsie but I might check it out to see what you meant though I could understand the gist of it. In all honesty there are no rules and expectations when it comes to dating because everybody's different. Sometimes people are overly sensitive or they don't care what happens, and each situation could shift drastically.
I'll have to read your "closure is overrated" because it sounds interesting since I'm a strong believer in closure no matter what it is. I appreciate some of the situations shared in your own relationships because I'm always curious to find out how it varies from own person to the next.
I still believe in the honest approach, which is why I hate some of these excuses even if they're fairly legitimate. It's a form of respect and it doesn't even have to relate to dating. If you tell me you hate me and why in front of my face then I'll respect that a lot more than if you're kind to my face but insult me behind my back.
It's very childish and dishonest, but to each his or her own. Again thanks to everyone for sharing and commentating; it was a pleasure reading through everything.
It was a rhetorical question.
Too often people pursue relationships based upon what they've read or been told what they "should be looking for" as oppose to what actually feels right for themselves.
My "closure is overrated" article is designed to help people move on with their lives. I once had a conversation with a 30+ year old woman who told me she had her heart broken at age 15 by a guy who moved away.
One day they came across one another and she said they had a long talk.
Afterwards she felt she free to move on and love again.
In my opinion that's giving an ex too much power over one's life!
Essentially due to her need for closure she blew through the rest of her teens and all of her 20s to get an "explanation" that may not have come!
She can't get those years back! (such a waste)
They were both only 15 years old when they broke up!
Dashing Scorpio, I agree. When I thought of "Toosie" more - the whole movie is about Dustin Hoffman lying to everyone starting from his agent and ending with his girlfriend. Funny thing he didn't intend his lying to hurt anyone.
I had my fair share of thinking that if someone rejects me then a truthful explanation is better than "a well-intended" lie.
Maybe in some cases, but certainly not in all. The last boyfriend told me that I was intimidating and had a subtlety of a bulldozer, but, of course, his feeling for me did not change, but he wanted to go back to friends because he couldn't serve his God... blah, blah, blah...
I even read your article about "closure is overrated" and disagreed. But in that last case I tried to make peace and ended up being hurt more and then I thought - as much as I needed closure, in that case I just cut the cord.
But it gave me an insight for the future - stop and examine how exactly I end up with guys like...
So, yes, I agree. It's not him, it's me.
All those "excuses" are legitimate - true or not.
Yes, religion is a deal-breaker, especially in his case.
Do I have to go through all the reasons or one is enough? It's over.
The end.
=====
I wasn't quite sure about your last sentence -
are you asking me personally which dream I'm pursuing or
was it a general statement about what other people pursue?
every person has different waya of handling rejection...I guess my past experience didn't come to the point that my words sounded so offending to someone..that person was just too graceful to accept it
kallini2010, I remember that "Tootsie" scene. It's a classic!
Women oftentimes have stated what they "want" in a man and if such a guy shows up they put him in "The Friend Zone".
At some point a person has to recognize it's not a "coincidence" that all of their exes are "jerks". Very few admit they're into "bad boys", "arrogant guys" or "players". They just (happen) to "attract" those guys for relationships.
If anyone is having one nightmare date/relationship experience after another it's probably time they re-examine their "mate selection criteria"
Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse!
Maybe they've been saying "no" to the wrong people or for the wrong reasons. Are you pursuing your dream or society's dream? :)
Well, since you invite honesty, I would like to draw your attention to the fact that the word "misogynistic" cannot be applies to excuses themselves. If you replace the word "misogynistic" with "women-hating...", you would see that it doesn't make any sense.
But the reason I am saying this is not to point "one big flaw" in your hub, quite the contrary. Even though that this word is clearly out of place, the overall message is clear. The tone of the article is not "women-hating" and there are no mixed messages.
I'd say most men and women get the meaning behind "I'm not going to/cannot date you because..."
I've been told once and I agree with it whole-heatedly that in communication the most important thing is not the impeccable word usage and grammar (mine never was), but getting the message across.
Those excuses do just that. When someone becomes honest, he invites all sorts of trouble as "punishment" for his social ineptitude.
I don't know if you ever saw the movie "Tootsie", it's fairly old, but there is one moment there when Jessica Lange in the same vein said that all he wanted that men were straightforward and said what they mean.
Surely enough, Dustin Hoffman approached her at a party and did precisely that - told her what he wanted. What do you think happened?
And when it comes to being lame, my favourite is what men say as "compliments". "You are so beautiful!" What? That's it? Maybe, that's it if it is enough.
Women don't bother with coming up with better "excuses" and men don't bother with coming up with better "compliments" (rather pick-up lines).
In my opinion, there only reason for that is that it works. The moment it won't people will invent better things to say.
Best regards from the person who knows the price for honesty. I blame it on my parents. It became a trait that is really hard to get rid of.
- AUTHOR
Thank you. I wish I was prepared a long time ago too. Thanks for stopping by and reading.
- AUTHOR
I meant some women reading this might feel attacked and feel they're perceived negatively by men when that wasn't the intention. It shouldn't be seen as men being angry or hateful towards women because of rejection.
- AUTHOR
That's a very good point regarding the indirect vs. direct rejection. Rejection will hurt no matter how it is dealt and sometimes being ignored is even worse than getting directly rejected. The example you stated about the man approaching the two women and essentially choosing one of them can be incredibly hurtful.
I'm sure there's a ton of things going through her mind when the guy is trying to connect with her friend and not her. She may feel very unattractive and wonder what's wrong with her. On the other hand, she might feel lucky that the guy wasn't interested in her and didn't bother her so it can go both ways. Thank you for the read and thorough response. You're insights are well represented and accurate.
I wonder what did you mean by
"Are some of these excuses going too far and are potentially misogynistic?"
Could have used this hub fifteen or twenty years ago, a really interesting entertaining read, great hub, thanks for sharing, voted up, Lee
Voted up! Funny and Interesting!
So many of these are spot on!
Most excuses are rejections designed not to hurt the other person's feelings.
Everyone has their "preferences".
Very few people will simply say: "I don't find you attractive in the slightest!" or "You can't afford to give me the life I want.", "I don't date men who are shorter than me.", "I don't date men who are outside of my race." "I don't date smokers/drinkers."
"What is up with your teeth?! eyes?! nose?!ears?! skin?!"
When it's all said and done a "no" is a "no" no matter what wrapping paper one uses to cover the package.
Both women and men reject one another.
Women use "direct rejection" upon when men initiate conversations.
Men use "indirect rejection" by electing not to approach a woman.
On the surface it would appear "direct" hurts more than "indirect". However you had a crush on someone and he acted like you didn't exist while asking all of your girlfriends to dance or go out.... Not being "chosen" can hurt as much as being rebuffed.
Whenever two or more women are sitting at a table in a nightclub and a man approaches one of them the others were "indirectly rejected".
They may not "see it that way" unless the woman he approaches turns him down and then he turns to another one of them at the table. Instantly she knows she was not his "first choice". Sometimes her (ego) will cause her to reject him while knowing if he had come to her first she would have said "yes". Very few women are open to their girlfriend's rejects.
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