I'm a freelance author living in San Juan, Puerto Rico. I enjoy writing about common misconceptions women have about men and vice versa.
Largely thanks to the media, there are a lot of myths about men floating around out there, many of which guys really wish women didn't believe. Take it from a guy—we do have feelings, and most of us are capable of being really romantic (you'd be surprised!). Join me as I debunk these 15 common myths about men.
15 Common Misconceptions About Men
- Men don't have feelings.
- Guys don't want to talk about their feelings or problems.
- Guys are just in it for the sex.
- Guys want to do the chasing.
- Men are less romantic than women.
- Guys are "commitment-phobes."
- Men want to have sex all the time.
- Men are bad listeners.
- Physical attractiveness is more important to men than it is to women.
- Men don't care when you cry.
- Guys don't care about their physical appearance.
- Men don't like cuddling.
- Men don't try to understand women.
- Men are more interested in their jobs than in their partners.
- Guys don't love you if they don't love the same stuff you do.
Though there are definitely some guys who make the (mis)conceptions above a reality, continue scrolling to learn why for the most part, these myths are just that—myths!
Myth 1: Guys Don't Have Feelings
I call foul on this myth right away. It seems that decades of movies with macho male figures from John Wayne to Jason Statham have convinced women that guys don't have feelings. But rest assured that we do.
In fact, we look to the women in our lives for validation, love, cuddling, and support. The difference is, we're not particularly adept at telling you this. And we don't want anything to get back to our guy friends. So how do you get a man to show his feelings?
Here's a quick tip: Guys are, by and large, straightforward. We resent anything that feels like emotional manipulation. This means if we need some emotional support, make us feel safe and we'll ask for it. But don't try to drag out an emotional response. If you "just know" something is wrong with us, you're probably reading too much into it.
Myth 2: Guys Never Want to Talk About Their Feelings or Problems
Well, that depends upon your definition of "talk." Ever seen how two guys share their hurts and disappointments? Bet you never did, because it happened so fast you missed it.
Friend 1: "Hey man, my boss chewed me out me this week, my girlfriend is all hormonal about something (I don't know what), and I'm late with the rent."
Friend 2: "Ah, man. That sucks. That really sucks. I'm super sorry."
Friend 1: "But it's all right. You know?"
Friend 2: "Yeah, just hang in there, buddy."
Friend 1: "Yeah." (Maybe they shake hands or hug a real man hug.)
Friend 2: "So, the guys are getting together tonight for the game and some pizza. Wanna come?"
Takeaway lesson: Guys do talk about their feelings, just not in the same way women tend to. A guy will only share his troubles with someone he really trusts, and he'll do it in a way that doesn't make him look wimpy or lose face. Your guy will "talk" about his feelings with you. Just don't expect a Shakespearean monologue.
Even though his way of showing feelings might not match up with the emotional outpouring you're hoping for, it's important not to discount what he shares or the way he shares it. Listen to him carefully when he talks like this, and make sure he feels heard. Brush him off a couple of times, and he's not going to open up anymore.
Myth 3: Guys Are Just in It for the Sex
Wow, another ugly one. And it's so unfair to men. First off, some men really are sleazy, and you want to stay away from them. But truly, not all men are like that. Most men are looking for a fulfilling relationship with a wonderful woman, they just don't know how to get there. When guys hang out, guess who the hero is? "Man, how did you get such a great wife? How do you keep her happy?"
If you want to find a man who's about the relationship instead of the sex, slooooow things down. Demand commitment. Dress moderately. If a man doesn't feel pressured to have sex with you after the third date, you might be surprised to find what a gentleman he can be. The trouble is, our culture has convinced everyone that sex is way, way more important to a relationship than it is. Be open with a man about why you're attracted to him, so he doesn't feel the need to seduce you.
Myth 4: Men Want to Do the Chasing
This is one myth guys really wish women didn't believe. Though there are certainly men who prefer to pursue women, there are also plenty of men who love to be pursued!
For the most part, if you give off vibes that you aren't into a guy, he's going to stop pursuing you, and if you give mixed signals, he might continue pursuing you, but he'll be anxious about it. So stop thinking men only like women who play hard-to-get. Guys are usually much happier when women forgo the games and give clear signs of interest.
What's more, men often love when women make the first move! It displays a confidence and self-assuredness that most guys find super attractive, so the next time you see a guy who strikes your fancy, why not ask him out instead of waiting around for him to make a move?
Myth 5: Men Are Less Romantic Than Women
Though the rom-com and romance novel market is almost entirely catered toward women, a study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships revealed that men generally have a more romantic outlook on love than women do.
This study required men and women to answer questions related to the four beliefs that comprise the Romantic Beliefs Scale—Love Finds a Way, One and Only, Idealization, and Love at First Sight. Though it might be hard to believe, men outscored women on the Romantic Beliefs Scale by about 3 points, on average.
So the next time you catch yourself thinking that guys aren't romantic, think again!
Myth 6: Guys Are Afraid of Commitment
Baloney. Guys are afraid of entrapment. You see, most guys have a slightly different definition of commitment than you do. They need a lot more space. Like a guy told me the other day, "Oh, I was committed to her. I just didn't want to go out with her every single night."
Commitment shouldn't mean the guy cuts all his friends out of his life, trots dutifully after you to the laundromat, and stops calling his mom every now and then. Commitment shouldn't mean that from now on, you control every step and decision of his life. If you try to do that, he won't think it's committing—he'll think it's controlling, and he'll be right.
To a guy, commitment is very simple: I choose you over every other girl in the world.
Myth 7: Men Want to Have Sex All the Time
While it's true that most men think about sex more often than women—60% of men think about sex once a day versus just 25% of women—that doesn't mean they want to have it all the time. Just because they think about it more often and tend to pursue it more actively than women doesn't mean they're perpetually ready to jump into the sack.
Though the male sexual appetite is certainly nothing to be sneezed at, plenty of things can diminish that hunger. For example, if you and your man have just gotten into a fight, his appetite might be spoiled. Then again, the same thing can happen if he's tired after a long day or just isn't feeling it at that moment. Whatever the reason, it's unfair to assume that your guy is raring to go 24/7. (Imagine if he were to assume the same about you!)
Myth 8: Guys Are Bad Listeners
This one is right up there with the old myth that all girls are good listeners. Guys are people, too. Sometimes we're tired, or stressed, or just wanting to think about something else. We don't mean to brush you off. Remember, guys usually speak whatever is on their mind quickly and succinctly.
If you want to keep our attention, learn to speak our language. Break it up into bullet points. Don't repeat the same complaints every day. We heard you the first time. Don't always expect an immediate response, either. We might need time to think about it.
Myth 9: Physical Attractiveness Is More Important to Men Than It Is to Women
This ties right back in with the insecurities and misconceptions that lots of women have about men and sex. Does your guy like you to dress sexy, be hot, and wear nice clothes? Sure. But he understands that not every woman looks like a supermodel. Heck, as tech-savvy as he is, he knows how to Photoshop you to look like Megan Fox anyway.
There are many other things guys care more about than a woman's physical appearance. When it comes right down to it, if he's with you, then you are his queen. Relax and ignore the occasional pimple, extra pound, or whatever. When he says, "Uh . . . sure. Looks great," it's because it does to him.
Myth 10: He Doesn't Care When I Cry
Oh, tsk, tsk. He does care. A lot. But most guys just don't have the emotional tools in their toolbox to fix this problem. The truth is, most guys don't know what you want when you cry. So why not tell them? "Look, I am crying because my best friend from high school just left a nasty message on my phone. So please, can you hold me for 20 minutes and then we'll go get dinner?" Wow. You've given him a way to fix this mess.
Myth 11: Men Don't Care About Their Physical Appearance
Though the pressure to maintain appearances is arguably much higher for women (or at least they feel it more acutely), this doesn't mean that men don't care about the way they look. Or at least not all of them. Plenty of guys take pride in dressing well and meticulously grooming themselves.
This myth tends to go hand in hand with another misconception about men—that they don't experience body image issues. While there is generally less societal pressure on men to appear a certain way, that doesn't mean it's nonexistent. Think about the ads you see; in addition to featuring stereotypically beautiful women (toned tummy, flowing hair, etc.), they also feature stereotypically handsome men (defined jawline, washboard abs, etc.). Men get just as insecure as women do, they just might now show it as much.
Myth 12: Men Don't Like Cuddling
This one is downright silly. Everyone likes to be little spoon at least once in a while. Granted, guys might not love cuddling when they're actually trying to sleep (it can get unbearably toasty, your limbs might fall asleep before you do, etc.), but plenty of men still enjoy a good pre-sleep snuggle sesh.
Plus, snuggling can often take things to . . . ahem . . . the next level. What's not to love?
Note: Those who struggle with intimacy issues may genuinely dislike cuddling, at least until they're comfortable in a relationship. It's important to respect people's boundaries, so if your new SO tells you they're not into cuddling, don't force it. Hopefully, that will come in time as you two become closer.
Myth 13: Guys Don't Try to Understand Us
Correction: You don't try to tell us. Let me tell you—when guys hang out, the single most common topic of discussion is "Hey, can anyone here tell me why my girlfriend/wife did this or that?" And all the guys chip in.
Truth be told, we're not good at sniffing out meanings in stuff. If you want us to understand something . . . well, tell us. "I'm mad at you because I found out you spent the gas money on World of Warcraft IV" is a lot more effective than throwing a pouting fit for three days and saying "You're always spending money we don't have!"
Be specific. We guys are episodic in nature. We don't do longterm checklists. If you pull away and complain about unrelated things, we won't be spurred on to dig deeper and find out where we erred; we'll be confused, nonplussed, and—ultimately—angry.
Myth 14: He's More Interested in Work Than in Me
Once again, you need to understand a man's reasoning. Much has been written about men's need to feel affirmed by their job and career, so I won't go into that too deeply. Suffice to say, it's true. But it's also true that men have a hard time understanding when women say that a relationship is more important than a career.
Too many women ask their men, "Why is your job so much more important to you than our relationship?" To which the men are thinking, "Why not?" Unless you have a darned good answer to that question, don't ask it. You'll just push your man toward making the determination that his career is, in fact, more important to him than you are.
A word of advice—step away from the assumption that your position is morally superior. Trust me, that's a values judgment, and you're liable to lose. A man puts a lot of work into building a career, and he feels entitled to some payback. When you met this man, you knew he had a lot of goals, ambition, and drive. Unless your relationship has truly taken a back seat (e.g., you hardly see him anymore, and he's distracted when you do), learn to celebrate and affirm his career—not squelch it.
Myth 15: My Guy Doesn't Love Me If He Doesn't Love the Same Stuff I Do
"When we first met, he loved to do my thing with me, but now he just makes excuses!" Well, duh. As I mentioned before, men are episodic in nature. We like to do something, finish it, and move onto the next thing. We're not good with commitments that demand we be there every Friday at 4:30 p.m.
So he joined drama club to be with you? Great! After a play or two, he'll be itching to move on to something else. It doesn't mean he has stopped loving you, it just means you need to adapt and join him on his next big quest.
Look around. Why are church ministries, PTAs, social groups, 4-H, and school boards mostly run by women? Because women take comfort in continuity and busyness. Guys are 100% different. Guys get restive when there's no end date in sight. And what about goals? A guy wants to be part of a thing that is going somewhere, and in his eyes, a new color scheme for the cafeteria is not "somewhere."
Give Us Guys the Benefit of the Doubt!
So what's the big picture here? Don't take the way men are portrayed in the media or what society seems to tell you about us at face value. While there are some men who only want hard-to-get women or are so job-obsessed they let their relationships take a back seat, they don't represent the gender as a whole. So until a guy has proven otherwise (which, hopefully, he won't), don't let the common misconceptions above taint your view of him before you give him a chance.
© 2011 doitrightnow
doitrightnow (author) from San Juan, PR on May 06, 2019:
Before commenting, you should know I wrote this over 8 years ago and it generated lots of interest and comments. Lots of people found it interesting and helpful because it was written strictly from a guy's perspective. There was very little about feels in it. It was short, spare, and direct.
Then several months ago, HubPages decided to "edit" the article and they put this 20-something girl to do it. She sprinkled girlie stuff all through the article and frankly reversed what it said by 180 degrees. So if you are reading this and saying, "This is nothing new!" and "no guy would say that!" you are right. They rewrote my original article and twisted it to say precisely the opposite of what it used to say.
Just read the older comments and compare them to the new.
Jac on May 02, 2019:
Sigh, what a gender biased article. Put everything you’ve said in reverse and wham ! You have human beings ! The gender differences you describe is simply social conditioning. I suspect you are quite young and devoid of any real relationships so far, both male and female.
1. Emotions. Every human being has them.
Neither gender has more or less. Your example of how men discuss problems with each other is simply stating a very shallow relationship with your so called friends. Real male friends do talk in depth with each other and offer real support. Just like women, if they have real friends. Those that don’t, will dump that crap on their partner in either an overt way through healthy communication (or unhealthy aggression) or a covert way that leaves their partner confused. If not partnered, they will take their crap and anger out on internet sites. I will say, as a women, the amount of emotional support I have provided men would equal if not surpass the amount of energy i’ve Put into women friends. Women are conditioned to be supportive, it’s expected. It can be exhausting. Not so from men in relationships. Of course though, ‘not all men!’.
2. Sex. This is my favourite. As a woman, it would be great to be acknowledged for my autonomous sexuality. While sex is not everything in a real relationship, initial sexual attraction is very important to both genders, however, only recognised as important to men. Don’t try and BS me that men would give the time of day to a woman he’s not attracted to physically, they don’t. Yet women are conditioned to ‘give all men interested in them a chance’. Otherwise they are branded ‘too fussy’. There may be exeptions to the norm but rarely does anyone feel sexual attraction to someone after getting to know them better. Sure you might grow to like them but sexual attraction is pretty instant. It’s what connects us. From there, a relationship might grow or it may not. That is the unknown. Not acknowledging a woman’s sexuality and her right to pursue that desire is to objectify her. The Madonna/whore syndrome.
You mentioned ‘dressing moderately’. Oh please ! Control freak much ? Be more concerned about how you dress than how women dress.
3. Body image. Women are just as visual as men are. While I can sympathise that men suffer the same pressure to look good and keep in shape as women, most don’t seem bothered enough to do much about it. You can’t change your height but you can certainly do something about that Homer Simpson gut. Get rid of it.
4. Men need space. Really ? Yeah, I just love a guy texting and calling me every hour to see what i’m Up to. This one cuts both ways.
5. Career. It’s important to both sexes. If you have one and in a committed relationship, then both should respect each other’s. This is just being a decent, respectful partner. Whether you’re a stay at home parent or a paid outside worker. You’re a team now.
Basically, please stop with the stereotypes.
Animesh on January 02, 2019:
I want to tell all men that never express your sorrow in front of a woman. No matter how much the woman tries to make you open up to her, no matter how much she tries to convince you that you can confide your problems in her, never share your problems with a woman. Never become emotional in front of a woman. Some men make the mistake that they only pretend to hide their pain from a woman. Do not just pretend. But you should really try your best to hide your pain from a woman.
Guest on August 29, 2018:
My guy lacks self respect. Or maybe I lack respect for him. He values completely different things than I do, which I only end up finding out about when he "blows up". The big one lately is that I personally dont like employers who treat their employees poorly. I left my last job because of it. The result was my losing everything else, but I still have my values and my dignity. He however, despite desiring a better job, refuses to leave and gets very angry when I point out anything bad about the company he works for. He grew up in abusive situations, and I'm starting to see that that's where he feels safe. So yes, his job is steady and it sends him a paycheck...but he has no identity outside of work...and it makes me feel like there's no reason to continue even tho we're best friends when we talk about anything else.
Timbo on August 06, 2018:
Pretty good article. Most blokes want a woman who cares about him, and who he can love, treasure, confide in, make a fuss of, kiss and cuddle and have a happy life with. Outside of that, money, startling good looks, etc etc are just not that important.
Truth Is on July 29, 2018:
Well first of all most women today have a very high demanding list when looking for men, must have hair, in excellent shape, a great career making a six figure salary, a very expensive car, and so on. But the real problem is that the great majority of the women today are very obese, not all that attractive as they think their are, have no manners at all and a very bad personality to go along with it. And this is why many of us good men are still single today because of these very pathetic women.
L_Razz on March 27, 2018:
First off, I'm a woman. I'm in a relationship with a great guy, have been for a looooong time, and overall we're doing really good together. We both understand each other and understand the differences between men and women.
That said, I can't say I agree with #1 and #2 of this article. "Men don't want to look weak in front of their male friends." While I understand that's a male pride kind of thing, sadly, men are "taught" to ack that way. Men are also "taught" and "brought up" by their fathers and other, older men in their lives, to not appear 'weak' or to not show their emotions.
Also, men aren't "allowed to cry" for the same reasons, to not appear 'weak'. And from what I see, and my therapist also sees, is that it's more or a 'cultural' thing than a male thing. Think about it - in Western culture esp., we're ALL taught (as the article proclaims) that sex is oh so important, and really, it's not. It's important sure, but it's no the ONLY thing that matters, esp. in a relationship.
I can accept that women are more emotional and therefore have more to say than men, who are very mechanic and to-the-point in nature. But what irks me is when some men irrationally accuse women of 'talking to much'. Some men take the whole, "I'm a man, I don't talk as much as women do," thing to a whole new level. Humans are social creatures. You're dating or in a relationship. How do you expect to HAVE a relationship, or for that matter SEX, if you never talk?! That's why the idea that men are so unsocial is so ludicrous to me. I think it's mostly a cultural thing, as I said before. Just like it's a cultural thing that many people in Western culture don't accept gay people (it didn't used to be that; tho thankfully that part is finally improving).
Bta on March 05, 2018:
I hear men talking all the time, drunk or not. Yes, when they feel safe enough, they talk and gossip about how fat or ugly some girls are. And yes, they nag and bitch too. Funny that because i am in a long term relationship and I am slim and athletic and drink with them, they feel safe to let their pretentious facade fall off. And when in a committed relationship, some cant’ just shut it and don’t moan and nag about their wives and children. I just observe all of that and let them say what they really feel. It is good to know how some men really think when they feel they are not judged.
Lennon on February 02, 2018:
I thought this article was interesting but a few things made me a little unhappy. First i’d like to say that as a woman, i find men WAY easier to understand than women. However, sometimes when i’m upset it takes me a long time to get over it and i can’t always give my guy the kind of information he needs to fix the problem. I also do not understand why guys can’t be emotionally supportive without knowing the reason for me needing them to be. Like if i’m upset, you will know it and i shouldnmt have to soell it out for you. Clearly i am unhappy, so instead of guessing or getting mad at me for not telling you, just hug me and wait for me to decide how i want to go about telling you why i’m upset. I think that this article makes some extremely good points. Guys dgaf if you’re on your period, crying and yelling at him about something doesn’t give him any reason to want to get involved. You start doing that shit and he’s like “abort abort abort!!” And is tryin to gtfo as fast as possible! But also, guys, if your girl is feeling insecure about whether you love them or not, its probably a good idea to just reassure them and kiss them and make them feel like the only girl in the world for a second. What this article fails to take into consideration is that there are tons of women out there that are beautiful and for women, the media puts a lot of pressure on us to be perfect and look like the models we see on tv, but we don’t all look that way and it can be discouraging at times because we want our man’s attention and we need to be reassured that we have it. Because otherwise we feel like we’re lost in the sea of all the other women who are prettier than us. I’m not saying that we’re always insecure and we always need you to tell us we’re pretty, but if your girl is clearly unhappy or upset about herself physically for any reason, if you really do love her, its nice if you take the time to just randomly say “you’re so beautiful.” And as for the ladies, if your guy is just not having it, and doesn’t seem interested, don’t get so upset, like the article said, he probably is stressed out or wants to think about something else and isn’t trying to make you feel unimportant. Just take a deep breath and leave him alone. Eventually he’ll snap out of it and be like “wait where did my beautiful girl go? She’s been hella quiet.” And he’ll come find you and maybe if you’re not in his face about him not noticing you, he’ll kiss you and make you feel appreciated in the best way! I’ve had to learn the hard way, guys will come to you if you leave them alone and chill out. Anyway, i digress. But hope my comment left some good insight. Peace and love everyone! ❤️✌️
Kyle G on January 25, 2018:
i dont really care if you cry
suckitup on January 19, 2018:
The job thing seems kinda relevant. If he doesn't have time for his woman, then he is not really ready for long term dating if that's what he is trying to do. It doesn't matter what anyone does for a living, if they want to date with the hope to meet someone to enter into a relationship with, they need to make time, end stop. If work is a higher priority than his woman, she has a right to know, so she can decide if she can put up with that, or move on.
x^8 on December 09, 2017:
Mystee Crockett from Everywhere You Want To Be on December 03, 2017:
This is a great article. You are spot on. Thanks for writing it.
Bob Cratchit on November 11, 2017:
What happened to the many men? Feminism!!!
Lady A on October 29, 2017:
Lol. Seriously? Why would a woman put herself through this roller coaster just to play mommy to a bunch of grown men. That’s why men look so much like women nowadays. What happened to the manly men?
Rosie on June 21, 2017:
Most of these are not men specific but just human specific. No one likes to feel trapped in a relationship or emotionally manipulated. That's not just a 'guy thing'. And there's nothing that says biologically women prefer continuity? That just varies from person to person. The reason PTAs and other social groups are mostly run by women is because women typically enjoy social activities more than men.
And seriously you make men sound like they have the attention span of a toddler.
And That Is The Truth on May 29, 2017:
And many of us guys can't stand a career woman at all since they really think they're all that which their really Not at all.
silverbelle on April 29, 2017:
"You dress like this, you get this kind of man."
Dress like what? Jeans and a top?
Bernz on February 24, 2017:
Thank you ..... I think I can now be more patient with my King with this awesome Myth you have ..... While Im reading Im trying to cope .. This is real ....
Kelly on November 02, 2016:
Every single man i have met has the above qualities - they are NOT myths. They have no feelings and will throw you away like you are nothing once they get bored with the sex
Caye on October 11, 2016:
Thanks for this. Made me realize a thing or two about my own man.
Genesis on September 15, 2016:
Everyone is different, so this might not be accurate for everyone, but I think that communication is very important. As a woman, I would like to point out that nice guys are extremely attractive. The most important thing to attract a girl is to have confidence in yourself, in your strengths. Of course, vulnerability is very important too, but in the beginning, confidence is important. The problem with most "nice guys" is that they are sooo insecure, that it is hard to respect them because that usually don't even respect themselves. If you, as a guy, just be yourself, you have a better chance of getting into a relationship with the right girl for you, because if you play the "bad boy" part, in the long run you are just going to get into a relationship that you will hate. And for the girls, seriously, guys are not a mystery. We create a fictional idea of what they are really thinking when we should just ask them. I think what's important to remember is that there are people of both sexes that do things the wrong way and they have become the stereotype, but not everyone is the same.
Human on September 13, 2016:
I don't understand why things may seem so "complicated". Glad I'm not that confused as some, but just curious to know the article. Guys actually sound a lot like me, so...this is good news - and I'm not even lesbian, so slutty guys can throw that myth out the window.
sandy on July 25, 2016:
Please do mention "not all men" and not every single one fit one man. Each man is different and no woman should stop looking just cause they dont agree with them.
Idk on July 20, 2016:
Both sides had some pretty good arguments. Whats surprising though is that we all experience the same problems
Jfk on June 10, 2016:
This 'article' was 99.7% untrue and close minded.
coconut on April 08, 2016:
lol, that's cool
intimateasking on January 29, 2016:
Great article, the only thing I would add is to this is women just need to speak and stop hinting
GreenEyes1607 from USA on July 01, 2015:
I found this interesting! I guess men are really simple creatures. Slow at times, but simple. It's all about spelling it out for them and letting them know what you want.
Xxx on June 08, 2015:
What if i ask him just to hug me and he does not do it? It is not that simple and obvious as shown in article
email@example.com on April 12, 2015:
Supermodels have their bad days too. They are human and have same issues as other women. There are beautiful women everywhere and they are not supermodels. Just because a woman isn't a model doesnt mean she cant be beautiful.
doitrightnow (author) from San Juan, PR on December 30, 2014:
@Carol Houle - Thanks so much! Fixed.
Carol Houle from Montreal on December 21, 2014:
All men start out good and strong. And, just for the record, the actor's name (at the top) is Jason STATHAM. Glad he's in the John Wayne category :~)
jonai from harrisburg pa on November 08, 2014:
Very interesting its good to get insight from a guys perspective
Paula Hughes from Edinburgh on November 02, 2014:
Women want respectful caring and equal relationships.. It's not rocket sience. Treat us as we treat you, if you cry, are upset stressed whatever and your partner..(yes dare I say partner, not object to control, dominate even win over) treats you with compassion and understanding DO the same! Its not about what women should accept and men should do. It's about give and take and if it's to much hassle or your to insecure in yourself to have an adult equal relationship you shouldn't be in one. And that goes for women just as much as men.
Reading these posts about women wanting bad men over good is just nonesene. Bad men are weak! Good men are strong!
Project sigma on September 21, 2014:
I disagree with k I think that yes while some girls are a attracted to bad guys I think in the end the good guys are winning bc the good guys are the ones getting married.
WOWOW on September 18, 2014:
I agree with everything your saying. BRILLIANT SIR
PMARTIN on September 18, 2014:
I agree with K Life except I dont think you have to change from the "nice guy" personality to a bad guy personality. Other friends and blood relations are important--dont chase them away for a woman that doesn't know what she wants. I say be a nice guy but smart about it. Be firm and principled about life goals and have a mindset that if she doesn't like it...bye, dont be desperate. Success is attractive. Women are drawn to money and power like ants to sugar. And you can still be nice--BUT smart. If you start (as a nice guy) groveling so she will accept you, you will finish last. I know its not good to use TV as a life example but I always liked how the leading men (Grant, Gable etc) in the old movies were. They were "nice guys" but confident, firm, woman smart--and charmed the daylights out of women.
Konnect Life on September 14, 2014:
Of course a lot of females think the way the article is describing since these are the types of men most women go for. Anyone who does the opposite of most of the things listed above doesn't stand a chance. Simple Fact (Even Psychologically Proven by Leading Experts, Psychologists and Dating Gurus and Pick Up Artists) is This: Nice Guys Finish Last.
If you're a man reading this article and thinking "I don't do those things, I'm a good guy" then unfortunately you fall into the nice guy category and I can guarantee that you are also most likely single OR with a woman that's seeing a man who knows how to be the type of bad boy that women really want behind your back (or maybe you've managed to find a woman who was willing to just settle for the boring nice guy because they couldn't get the type of man they wanted, or they have some strong strict religious or cultural beliefs that help them justify their reasons for being with a good guy like you despite the fact that they are secretly denying the fact that they would really be with someone else if they could).
People say that confidence is all you really need, but that belief was debunked after I overcame social anxiety, learned how to act normal and became good with social skills and started having success with dating. A lot of people thought I was fearless and over-confident, yet I was still rejected for anything more than friends - because I was still coming across as too nice and still hadn't perfected my bad boy skills.
I'll admit - I still have more to work on when it comes to shedding my nice guy personality, and if you have any "just be yourself" or "not every woman wants a bad boy" crap to tell me, don't even bother saying it because I've heard it all already and I am someone that now judges things by seeing REAL LIFE PROOF as oppose to listening to people posting or saying what they wish to believe. I've never met a woman who likes a nice guy (at least not in America), but I've only met a few who admitted up front that they weren't looking for a nice guy while others like to claim that's what they want but continue to go for the opposite...
Yes, for the experts out there reading this thinking "doesn't he know that there is a psychological explanation behind why women aren't attracted to bad boys and always go for the people they complain about?" I already know this. But it still sucks. It's even worse, mainly for the guys who COME ACROSS as the nice guy because we get turned down based on an assumption of being the boring nice guy just because we come across as polite, intellectual and respectful at first.
Anyway, I'm still learning and changing and noticing how much my dating success skyrockets the more I shift away from the nice guy persona towards the bad boy personality. Took a few decades, but I'm finally getting things right, and have even finally gotten into a relationship! Yes, I've slipped up a few times and started being too nice by showing too much interest and being too available and spending too much time with her and lost her interest a few times, but I got myself back into check, started doing what I was supposed to do, and BAM! We got back together.
It is 100% true when Coach Corey Wayne says that it's been proven that women are more attracted to men whose feelings about her are unclear. Notice almost everywhere you go, you will see women complaining about the men they want or are currently with or the type of guys they continuously choose to date, or them complaining about how a guy who was too available or "creepy" or whatever label is given to the good guys who may not have the best social or dating skills wont leave them alone, but you rarely, if ever, see women talking about how happy they are with a nice guy who is good and treats them right.
Anyway, 10 things chicks should really understand about guys... odds are that if a chick is seeing you as someone who doesn't do any of those ten things, then you are not being seen as more than just a friend to that chick. Being a nice guy doesn't spark attraction (which is where sexual tension and feelings of intimacy and romantic relationships lie), but it does create AFFECTION, and AFFECTION = FRIENDSHIP.......
Oh, and I should add - ifg you're meeting women who claim that they "don't have time" for a relationship - because they Have to "focus on a career," or anything like that, that simply means THEY AREN'T INTERESTED IN YOU. EVERYONE who is genuinely interested in anyone or anything WILL ALWAYS make time for it AND make irrational excuses to support their decision to do so. Nice guys may hear the "career" talk almost as much as they hear the "I need some space / time" or "lets just be friends" or "I'm not looking for anything serious right now" speech a lot. Meanwhile, the bad boys mysteriously always seem to catch (and sometimes even win) them during their free time, lol
precious on September 12, 2014:
I'm dating a boy but do not know if he loves me the why I love him and at the same time I have a crush
Project sigma on September 09, 2014:
No one is normal
denn on September 06, 2014:
Ahahah womens are not normal when u start loving them and they push u way and mans fold as always
Ally Lewis on September 03, 2014:
Just because some of you are offended by the truth doesn't make it any less truthful. Thank you for the refreshing honestly about how a guy REALLY works!
Project sigma on August 27, 2014:
What I'm saying is husbands should treat their wives with love and Understanding and wives should submit to their husbands( and b4 you go all crazy over that let me explain) wives should be willing to listen to their husbands and take what he says and really think about it and it's ok to disagree but if your married your not independent (men or women) and too much of the time in marriages one person tries to act separately from their spouse and it causes strife
Project sigma on August 27, 2014:
Blah where in th world did you get that idea?
Blah on August 24, 2014:
So basically you're saying that women should just sit quietly on the side and do the cooking and cleaning? Sexist.
Project sigma on August 21, 2014:
I think you can learn from both probably more from actual interaction but both have benefits
Akshta on August 20, 2014:
I agree wid Project Sigma....
N PMartin readin was a suggestion, interaction is great.... U don't have to follow my advice to d T!!
PMARTIN on August 20, 2014:
Ok..PS is right. Akshta says "read an article" to learn but I say actual interaction with people (friends) to learn.
Project sigma on August 20, 2014:
Ok first off guys aren't stupid and girls aren't babys(see comments below) u guys are judging eachother right off the bat and not looking at the real problem which is a lack of communication Btwn men and women and vice versa but when u just judge off of appearances you show a certain lack of knowledge in the area and you look stupid
PMARTIN on August 20, 2014:
But I do understand women..all my close friends are women (smiley face)
Akshta on August 20, 2014:
Hey great article...it was very well written n I enjoyed readin it.
@PMARTIN....... Maybe u should find an article that would help u understand women better!
PMARTIN on August 15, 2014:
I wish, wish WISH, this article was in the Cosmopolitan magazine!! I find it interesting regarding men and their careers over relationship. Have you talked to a career woman!!?? they boldly admit nothing is more important than her career. It appears that many faults women find in men...THEY DO THEMSELVES! She doesn't you to keep your friends but all her lifes decisions come from her friends...or Oprah. As for the women who posted negatively here, probably got dumped for being too controlling. Finally..amazing today's woman dont know these things but grandma did. She let hubby go tinker in the garage all day because it relaxed him, gave him his "thinking time". She did not whine and pout for a week but spoke directly--atleast the elderly I grew up with didn't. Girls go talk to the old timers and get an education.
Shirlin Ros Seviar on August 13, 2014:
Dude, this is really a good content. Now I understand what my guy seeks actually. Most of what you wrote, is true and it happens in my life with my guy. Thanks a lot for making me to understand my guy better. All I ever want is for him to be true and loyal. And I'll do anything it takes to keep him with me.
don Fefinho on August 09, 2014:
So, when you cry, you want someone to jump and do a bunch of things out of thin air like a slave, all the while reading your mind and hitting it with 100% to find out your exact problem, since you are incapable to meaningfully articulate it like an adult.
You know what other group of people do that beside women? Babies below 3.
Molly on August 09, 2014:
I believe men know WHY women are upset-we are verbal creatures and when we are upset it is coming out of our mouths in full detail (This article should give women credit for being adults-not little girls who throw temper tantrums). What I believe men don't understand is why its a VALID reason to be upset... and it makes men look dense when they don't get it. If they don't get it.
nikita on August 06, 2014:
Whoever wrote this I thank you so much, after reading your article I realized I didn't give him enough space. I tried yes to be close to his friends but then I expected him to know exactly what I meant by saying things like I'm so confused and not explaining, or pulling away from his hugs and saying just because. And also I always expected him to do something every few days. But I was so scared to lose him and I lost him anyway. And forced him to break up with me because I thought he was unhappy hut I guess he wasn't, I guess because I was so upset with my family at the time I thought he had to be upset with something to. Had did I give him up. Is there anyway I can get him back. He helped me with so much and was always there, and brought me put of depression by being there. Can you help
That Girl. on August 06, 2014:
Still don't understand. Men are not as stupid as they act, I'm sure. Like #10 for instance, If I am crying, why should I have to tell you to hold me for 20 minutes then take me to dinner? I don't care what I'm crying over, that would probably make it better, and it's obvious so why not just do it on your own.
Horia Pop from Romania on August 05, 2014:
A funny and useful article. I believe the key is mutual respect, understanding that we are wired differently, and trying to be more considerate towards each other's needs and interests.
LailaK from Atlanta, Georgia on July 30, 2014:
Awesome hub! I enjoyed reading it :D
Alissaann26 on July 30, 2014:
Really enjoyed! Keep it up
a dude on July 15, 2014:
yep pretty much
rissann on June 18, 2014:
I liked this article a lot. Things that I have definitely come to learn about men just in the past year. It is actually refreshing and so much easier and more relaxing if you understand these things about how men work. Women like to make thing a lot more complicated then they really are. That being said I did not agree with everything in myth #3. I do agree that men are not in it just for the sex but saying that a women has to dress moderately in order to win over a guy who isn't just in it for the sex is a bit judgmental. A women can dress however she feels comfortable. Every situation and relationship is different. If I want to wear a miniskirt and my guy likes that miniskirt it doesn't mean a relationship won't happen. Be who you are! Also sex is extremely important to relationships. It is sex and money problems that end most relationships. So while society may have a warped way of advertising that sex is very important, sex is very important. Without it you don't have a true intimate connected relationship.
Carrie Lee Night from Northeast United States on June 07, 2014:
Interesting hub :) The bottom line is communcation is the key. Have a great week.
sneha on May 17, 2014:
Ya very well written mahn except the last point...I mean wen girls are crying they are Sae and not in a condition to explain their problem..a girl wen she cries doesn't expects u to solve the problem but to comfort her and den make an atmosphere so that she l throw her heart out
MacGyver on May 05, 2014:
Yep that sounds about right.
Another thing that you should have added to the "Guys are just in it for the sex" thing is some guys have enough restraint to go abstinent until married. Like me.
___And to Paradise7:
There is nothing Chauvinistic about this article. There is no belittling of women here so you are blowing things out of proportion. It talks about how men REALLY work. If you truly call this a Chauvinistic article, you are obviously a Feminazi and need to turn lesbian and leave us men alone.
1)This is an example of Chauvinism: Males are better than women, ho bunny.
2)This is an example of a MAN: Men and women are social people who look for love and feeling in their significant others. I as a man think equality is important, and it's easy for a woman to agree.
There are two things right there.
This article fits the second thing because it is informative and gives the reader valid information. This article DOESN'T fit the first one because the first one is an insult and there are NO insults in this article. So grow up!
Cloudlee from Vietnam on April 26, 2014:
Haha, come on guys! You still have more things than wired brains
Jenny on July 14, 2013:
Oh my God...
Siobhan De on May 16, 2013:
It's funny to think about how confused females and males are when it comes to understanding each other...
oscar on March 12, 2013:
What the hell is wrong with you ladies
joyoflingerie blog on February 11, 2013:
I just saw your post, very good. It does explain alot of things.
doitrightnow (author) from San Juan, PR on December 13, 2012:
Thanks so much, savvydating! Appreciate the input.
Yves on August 22, 2012:
You have written an excellent hub! I generally write on behalf of women, yet I also know beyond a doubt that women make many erroneous assumptions about men and often have unrealistic expectations from their mates and dates. It has been my personal experience that men absolutely want commitment and love. Men simply have a different way of getting from here to there. You have hit the nail on the head! Great job.
Kimberlie-Ann on June 10, 2012:
Oh, boy! Another great write! The honesty you put into this is amazing! Some females really don't understand guys. You are correct about each of you're myths and you made it extremely easy to understand and enjoy. You also didn't get too offensive towards us. ( Some people are offended by the truth) I am happy to say I look forward to reading many more of you're articles to come. Thanks again for the insightful look into a mans mind and also, for shedding light for the females who think males are cold, thoughts, insensitive and heartless individuals!
Once again, Great Write!
Lady Quill on January 09, 2012:
You know, as a woman, I may not like all of your answers but I 'get them' because they explain my husband quite well. Instead of trying to make 'them' more like 'us', we should try to find that middle ground - the ground we walked on when we first got together. Funny how that space between widens as the years go by. Thanks for a great hub with great insight to the male psyche.
Suzie from Carson City on September 27, 2011:
doitrightnow....I would just like to say that my 4 sons raised me extremely well. Every day with them was another session of Male Persuasion 101. I was forced into one inservice after another, had nightly homework up the WAZOO (they also taught me that phrase) and you would not believe the constant bombardment of Pop Quizes. I thought I'd never finish my education.....I mean, 40 years....jeesh! Ah...but finally I earned my degree. As for your fantastic hub, doitrightnow, if only it was in Test form, I could've ACED the damned thing! "Up" awesome & funny. Seriously great writing.
casshd from Hemel Hempstead, UK on July 30, 2011:
I agree that men are very simple creatures and need things spelt out for them!
Chibuzo Melvin Mobis from Nigeria on June 02, 2011:
This is educative and awesome.