Jenny is a twenty-something-year-old who loves writing novels, poems and articles about her experiences in life.
NBSB: No Boyfriend Since Birth
At twenty, I was a fresh graduate who had just landed her first job at a call center. I didn't think that my new colleagues would be so much older than me. Maybe that's why I felt so out of place right off the bat. As we all got to know each other, the one thing I shared that baffled them was that I've never had a boyfriend. Like, EVER.
And the most common response to that was, of course: "WHY?"
So let me give you a rundown of 10 possible reasons why your friend, crush, classmate, or colleague has never had a boyfriend.
10 Reasons Why She's Never Had a Boyfriend
- She Prioritizes Her Studies
- Her Parents Are Strict
- She Wants to Focus on Her Life Goals
- She's Waiting for the 'One'
- She Likes a Guy Who Is Taken
- She Has a Fear of Getting Hurt
- She's Too Busy Looking Up at the 'Stars'
- Her Independence Is Too Important
- She's Really Shy
- She's Just Not Ready
I hope this list will bring you a little closer to understanding the girl you like. But ultimately, whatever the reason may be, her relationship status is her business. So be sure to respect that!
1. She Prioritizes Her Studies
I can clearly remember my senior year of high school—the words 'Study first before anything' were posted in large print above the blackboard of our classroom. In my day, it was completely normal to avoid dating to buckle down and hit the books. It may seem 'lame' to reject a potential suitor because of school, but, believe it or not, there are plenty of girls who actually enjoy studying.
If you're in middle school, high school, or even college, you are expected to prioritize your studies above all, including relationships. Waiting to date can be a wise choice, because without the stress of school, you can really focus on building a strong foundation for your relationship. That is not to say that having a relationship at a young age is a bad thing, but it can certainly be a distraction.
2. Her Parents Are Strict
These days, you hardly find parents that won't let their children go out with their friends. But when I was younger, things were certainly different. My best friend growing up had very strict parents—the kind that would throw a fit if she didn't come home immediately after school.
If someone has strict parents, it's hard for them to lie. They are either too scared or too loyal to break their rules. (Which is good, actually.) So if the girl that you like gave you the 'I have strict parents' line while rejecting you, let her be. She either doesn't want a full-blown family drama or she just doesn't want to go out with you.
Yeah, sometimes she just doesn't want to go out with you.
3. She Wants to Focus on Her Life Goals
Having life goals is a much more adult reason to avoid dating, don't you think?
After graduating from school, the next step is to get a stable job. Then you want to buy a house. You want to own a car. You want to travel. The list can go on and on.
Some girls want to focus on fulfilling these desires before settling down with anyone. Having a partner can definitely get in the way, because all decisions have to be made as a pair. Just know that even if the girl you like is ambitious, that probably doesn't mean she's not looking to fall in love someday. It may be waaay down on her list, but she's worth waiting for, isn't she?
4. She's Waiting for 'The One'
This one is a shoutout to my fellow hopeless romantics, waiting for 'the one' to sweep them off their feet. Some let the universe decide who their destined partner is, waiting patiently for a 'sign'. But having the perfect person fall out of the sky to complete a fairytale love story seems unlikely, so they may be waiting for a while.
Aka, don't hold your breath.
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5. She Likes a Guy Who Is 'Taken'
Well, I bet you had your eye on this special person for a long time, and you were ready to take the chance and ask her out . . . but tragically, she suddenly fell for somebody else.
Some of us NBSBs experience the same thing. But even with all the pain and heartache, she still hopes that he'll eventually break up with his girl and, of course, fall for her. But in the meantime, she watches her dream man with his girlfriend, muttering 'break up, break up, break up.'
Needless to say, these girls are very persistent. That's why even now, they are still a part of the NBSB club.
6. She Has a Fear of Getting Hurt
Some girls just can't help but ask themselves questions such as . . .
What if he cheats?
What if he'd fall out of love with me?
What if he doesn't really love me?
What if we're not really meant to be?
What if I just get hurt in the end?
Obviously, a girl can be afraid of entering a relationship and eventually getting hurt. This is a completely understandable fear. I've never known someone that didn't get hurt on account of a relationship. It's a normal part of falling in and out of love, but that doesn't make it hurt any less!
The thought of pain is scary. Some girls just don't want to take the risk. But eventually, someone will come along who is worth the gamble.
7. She's Too Busy Looking Up at the 'Stars'
The girl you're pining over may be more interested in being Mrs. Styles, Mrs. Tomlinson, Mrs. Payne, Mrs. Horan, Mrs. Malik, Mrs. Bieber, Mrs. Lautner, or Mrs. Elgort than dating someone she actually knows.
This seems funny, I know. But don't deny that you haven't fantasized about being with your favorite musician, actor, or celebrity.
Some hardcore fangirls can be so engulfed in their fantasies that they actually believe that Mr. Harry 'too-charming-to-be-human' Styles or any cutie-patootie on screen is their definite future life partner. So, of course, since it is already set in stone, they reserve themselves for their star.
8. Her Independence Is Too Important
There are some badass girls who don't need a prince to slay the dragon. They can rely on themselves, and don't need a man to dote on them.
You could call such an independent woman cynical, but really she's just practical, realistic, and pragmatic—the perfect opposite of a hopeless romantic. That's why she remains boyfriendless, as it allows her to retain her sense of self. Maybe if you're a fairly low-maintenance guy that lets her do her own thing, she'll consider it.
9. She's Very Shy
Shy girls may have a hard time establishing relationships. Dating can be awkward, and socializing, in general, can be stressful. Shy people often prefer to stay at home than go out on the town.
Even if they want to come out of their shell, it can be hard to speak up, loosen up, or open up. Trust me, I am one of them.
You can just imagine how hard it would be for them to get close to a guy in general, let alone romantically. It takes a patient, sincere, and lighthearted person to crack them up and crack their shell. Are you up for the task?
10. She's Just Not Ready
This is the one I relate to most because it involves all of the reasons above. This girl might be shy, have strict parents, enjoy studying, etc. For whatever reason, she's just not ready for a boyfriend! It's her right to take her time and enjoy the single life. And honestly, she's probably not agonizing over it as much as you are.
No Boyfriend No Problem
For those who keep asking a girl repeatedly, untiringly, and sometimes irritatingly, why she's never had a boyfriend, just be contented with whatever she says. It's most likely the truth!
Or, to reiterate, she just doesn't want to go out with you. It may seem harsh, but sometimes there's no other reason. Heartbreak is a bummer, but you should feel proud for putting yourself out!
Can You Relate?
For those who have a different reason for being a member of the NBSB club, we want to hear from you!
ThatWallflowerJen (author) from PH on June 16, 2018:
Hi, Brynn Thorssen! Very true. Some kids just don't realize that love is not supposed to be rushed. Thank you so much for your comment by the way.
Carrie Peterson from Colorado Springs, CO on June 11, 2018:
As a middle aged woman who started dating too early, I am so happy to see young women making good and - most importantly - HEALTHY choices regarding relationships. You all are not jumping into marriage or sex. I think many older women would have loved to have had society's support in not jumping into relationships we would later regret or were a waste of time.
ThatWallflowerJen (author) from PH on May 31, 2015:
@dashingscorpio very interesting comment you have there! :) I can totally agree to most of this. Thanks for your witty opinion and for your time spent in explaining some really important points and facts. :)
dashingscorpio from Chicago on May 30, 2015:
I believe 1, 2, and 3 are all connected to having strict parents or not wanting to disappoint then. Most parents tell their children not "waste time" on boys or girls and focus on their studies.
However the majority of kids follow their hormones and sneak around their parents' back to establish boyfriend and girlfriend relationship.
At some point in the U.S. at least around the age of 16 most parents will allow their children to go to the movie, mall, or have lunch with a guy or girl that they have met. Usually there is a Jr. and Sr. Prom and parents tend to be fine with their children dressing up and going out to the formal dance. Most people in the U.S. lose their virginity by age 17.
When it comes to college most students go away to a university that is not near their home. This is when they get their first taste of real independence. More than likely they've broken up with their high school sweetheart prior to going away to school or shortly after when they realize it was unrealistic to for them to maintain a long-distance relationship for the next 4-6 years while away in college.
Eventually everyone makes friends with those on campus and get involved in social activities which eventually leads to dating.
There is no more need to sneak around and oftentimes serious couples spend most nights together after classes and studying.
There are other reasons why a girl may never have had a boyfriend. As you mentioned she could be shy. She also could be considered fairly unattractive in the eyes of the type of guys they'd want for a boyfriend.
A Melissa McCarthy type built woman is not going to get a Brad Pitt or George Clooney type of man for the most part. Like attracts like.
She has a very low sexual libido. What pushes a lot of teens towards getting together is dealing with their raging hormones.
There is also the socialization factor. As a teen you're more likely to attempt to do what your close friends are doing. If someone is not in a group that is into having relationships in high school they're probably less likely to pursue one for themselves. Birds of a feather flock together.
Women who say they don't "need "a man are oftentimes really saying they don't "want" a man or have been unable to attract the right one so they've given up!
It's also possible a woman may discover she's into women!
It's not uncommon for one to discover their sexual preference in life late.
Last but not FEAR. The fear of sexual intercourse with a guy, the fear of being dumped, the fear of heartache, and maybe the fear of getting an STD or becoming pregnant. A girl realizes dating eventually leads to kissing, fondling, and eventually some form of sex. Therefor she might avoid having a boyfriend altogether. Fear paralyzes people.
The reality is when it comes to love and relationships most of us (fail our way) to success! If this were not the case we'd all be married to our high school sweethearts! One man's opinion!:)